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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} The Annex Reviews, 3/30/03
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 16:10:08 -0500
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The Annex Reviews, 3/30/03
by Lady Cyrrh (ladycyrrh@aol.com)
Website: http://members.aol.com/ladycyrrh
~Sex and Sheer Silliness~
The stories:
New Year's Eve Barbie (TooMuchTime): F/m cons, first,
humor, magic, transform
Princess Zowie and the Royal Wedding, Parts 1 - 3
(Simplex): M/F, M+/F, F/F, fairy tale, anime, lact
Harem Slave (Don): M/F, F/F, slave, fantasy
Next Door and Plotting Wives (Lance): M/F, wife
The Fruits of Indifference, Part 1 (Peter): M/F, ncons,
teen
Book Notes: Kiss and Makeup, by Gene Simmons
New Year's Eve Barbie [A]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 3/19/03
Author: TooMuchTime
Author address: TooMuchTime2002@hotmail.com
Author website: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/TooMuchTime/www/
Type: F/m cons, first, humor, magic, transform
Thirteen year old Roger receives a mysterious Christmas
gift from his mysterious uncle, a globe-trotting
photographer with a penchant for busty blondes. The gift
consists of two vials of powder from Australian
tribesmen which causes objects to grow and shrink. More
specifically, the first powder makes a toy or model
representation of an object become real and three-
dimensional, with the second reversing the effect. So,
bored and left home alone on New Year's Eve, Roger
experiments, and comes up with the perfect subject, his
sister's Barbie doll:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
She was beautiful, that was for sure -- large blue eyes,
a wide smile, naturally pink lips, and golden blonde
hair that fell halfway down her back. Every bit the
"ideal" that Barbie had a reputation for being. But as
was
usually the case with women he met, Roger could feel his
eyes being draw downward, away from her face, back to
her chest, which was ... just plain HUGE, from the looks
of it. Or maybe it was the fact that her waist was so
thin and her legs were so long. Whatever the reason, it
made for a wonderful sight.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Barbie has an amusingly chirpy personality that seems
inspired from the scene in "Toy Story 2" where a whole
tribe of Barbies live it up in their plastic dream home
and toy camper. It's not long before Roger decides to
experiment sexually, with humorous consequences.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Barbie continued to stare at his erection, making him a
bit self-conscious.
"Did you ... um ... want to touch it?" Roger asked.
"Yes, I think I would like that very much. May I?"
"Um. Sure. Feel free."
"Excellent!" Barbie said, resuming use of her favorite
word, then stepped forward and fell to her knees. At
first, she just eyed his cock up, moving her head to one
side, then the other, as if to get a better look at it.
Then, bringing her face very close to it, she reached
her hand out tentatively, and touched it with one
finger. Then she touched it again, this time pushing
the head down and bit and releasing, making it twang.
Which brought her no end of delight, apparently, because
she started to giggle. "Your penis is so cool!"
Roger blushed. "Well ... thanks. I like to think so."
Barbie twanged it a few more times. "Are all penises as
fun as yours is?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
At the end of the evening when the parents return Barbie
is transformed back into being a doll, leaving Roger the
wiser.
This was an enjoyable story, more for its subject matter
than its style. Its simplicity, in fact, reminded me of
a generically written children's book in places. Yet the
characterization of the doll was memorable in her
enthusiastic naivete (seeing she has real tits instead
of plastic ones, she gleefully jumps up and down to
watch them jiggle) and the boy was nicely done too,
being experimental without being brutal. In fact, the
whole thing read like an example story from a textbook
on writing, which is a compliment to the author, but I
do wish there had been more of the sheer zaniness of the
situation.
Princess Zowie and the Royal Wedding, Parts 1 - 3 [C+]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 3/17/03
Author: Simplex
Author address: simplex992000@yahoo.com
Type: M/F, M+/F, F/F, fairy tale, anime, lact
Here's a tale that could have been either humorous or
very whacked. It had a tone similar to "The Prince" (the
1/18/03 reviews) and I wonder if it wasn't translated
from Japanese, or written by a native Japanese speaker
in imitation of a favorite anime. A hentai, or sexually
explicit, anime that is. Such animes feature a
disconcerting mixture of hardcore fetish action with
cutie-pie characters and plot, a combination difficult
for Western audiences to understand, as we tend to
separate hardcore and whimsy.
Princess Zowie (there were a bunch of crazy Engrish
names in here, see engrish.com for more) is the leader
of the kingdom of Ullandra and her ministers have
advised her to marry. She is a lusty free-loving sort
and not enthusiastic about it, but nevertheless she
complies and begins to seek a mate. Her sometime lover
Bonalot has sex with his lover on the side, and a group
of other oddly named characters also have sex; nothing
much else happens. A unique feature of this kingdom is
that all females are able to lactate when sexually
aroused, so you get passages like:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Oh yes suckling, drink my milk." Sighed Zowie, cradling
Sheila's head and stroking her jet-black hair. Zowie's
thick sweet milk began to flow steadily out of her huge soft
tit. Sheila's pixie-like beautiful face pressed urgently
against the enormous curved end of Zowie's breast. Her huge
black eyes closed in ecstasy as she drank her fill from the
Princess' nipple. Zowie loved to suckle her closest subjects
and took her other breast out of her dress, letting it fall
heavily on her tummy, quaking and quivering all
over its huge expanse. Zowie closed her lovely eyes as
Sheila suckled. A sweet smile played over her delicately
freckled face.
"Oh Sheila!" cried out Zowie cumming hard, trembling
suddenly. So sensitive were her massive boobs that she had
easy orgasms quickly when they were suckled and played with.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Over and over again.
I don't recommend this as it was plotless and confusing,
but if you can figure it out, are a breast milk
enthusiast, and like anime girls, you may like it.
However, I had to bow out after the third chapter.
Harem Slave [B-]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 3/4/03
Author: Don
Author address: roscoeny38@yahoo.com
Type: M/F, F/F, slave, fantasy
Here's another very silly tale in which it's hard to
gauge exactly how silly the author meant it to be.
Sheera is a young slave in a Middle East fantasy world
who has been raised to serve in a harem. At the age of
16, at the height of her beauty ("Her golden brown skin
was the color of fine beach sand and her long hair was
the color of honey. She had large brown eyes framed by
high cheeks. Her sensuous mouth was framed by lips the
color of cherry. Her large breasts looked as if they had
melted off her body, like candle wax." Lady Cyrrh's
note: What the hell??) she is given to the Prince of
Kalimari and serves in his harem as events of the
kingdom unfold around her -- a defeat at the Battle of
Parmesan by the Army of Tiramisu, after which he has the
Duke of Fettucine reorganize the royal forces. I *think*
the author meant these Italian menu names as a joke, but
there was nothing particularly spoofy about the rest of
the story, so I'm not sure what they're doing there. How
hard would it have been it make up some pseudo-Arabic
names, or pick them off a map? Anyway, Sheera is handed
over to Alexander Placko -- another weird name -- the
general in charge of the new campaign, and since she
secretly longs for a man to dominate her the two get
along very well, with time-honored utterances like "You
wonderful little cock sucker. You're going to make me
cum again" on the part of the general.
It was hard to know what to make of this story, whether
it was a parody, a sexual fairy tale for grownups, a
domination story, or what. It read like the author
didn't put a lot of thought into it, and didn't do any
editing. This was surprising since he also wrote the
excellent "Plaything" science fiction series of
genetically altered sex workers (6/20/02 reviews) a
series which struck me as being better crafted and more
humorous.
In sum, pleasant in places, but lightweight and, well,
silly; the strongest impression it gave was those
outlandish names. Which isn't a good thing.
Next Door and Plotting Wives [B]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 3/4/03
Author: Lance
Author address: Lpear28283@aol.com
Type: M/F, wife
Two neighboring couples share a pleasant relationship
until their spouses go away on business trips. Under
pretense of dropping of a wrongly delivered package Eddy
has morning coffee with Liz, who comes out with a
zinger: "Katherine,
told me once that you were pretty well endowed. Is that
true?" which leads her to an offer of spouse-swapping
with the dumfounded Eddy, with videotapes exchanged.
Nonstop then sex ensues:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They took quick breaks after which he sucked first her
right tit then her left. Each time he did, her stomach
convulsed and she screamed as her whole body shuddered
and flooded the tip of his dick with the wetness of her
orgasms. After the third one, Eddy grunted, "I'm gonna
cum, Liz. I'm gonna cum."
"Do it you huge man. Put your cream way up there inside
me where no man has ever been before."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hmm, she's 50 years old and married, so "where no man
has ever been before" doesn't make sense, as she's not a
virgin anymore, right?
I felt pretty indifferent to this story. The plot wasn't
very interesting, and the sex, as illustrated by the
excerpt, was stereotypical. There weren't even any
plotting wives, as the two of them reached their concord
easily enough. However, aside from the caveman sex,
there wasn't anything too objectionable about the story
either; so, a B, for a quick read that wasn't very
memorable.
The Fruits of Indifference, Part 1 [B-]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 3/2/03
Author: Peter
Author address: peterwong09@yahoo.com
Type: M/F, ncons, teen
This was part one of what is a longer story that seems
to be a revenge one from the first two paragraphs.
Kevin Ralston is a young man with a lot of problems.
Fatherless and ignored by his alcoholic mom, he has
drifted into drug dealing, leading to his being arrested
and sent to juvenile hall for four months; embarrassment
ensues when he returns to high school. He suspects one
of his teachers was responsible for the bust, and I was
prepared for a male teen revenge tale on an older,
attractive female, but the story then took a turn into
Jerry Springer territory: Kevin drops out, drifts
through a series of low-paying jobs, and spends all his
time screwing his overweight, slutty girlfriend Tina,
spending her hard-earned waitress cash on beer and
drugs. Tina lives with her poor but upright mom who
works two jobs to pay for their pre-fab townhouse (just
a step above a trailer park) and when mom sees the two
going at it she's livid. But a confrontation with the
shiftless Kevin only leads to 40-ish mom being raped and
humiliated, after which he bows out ("I don't know...
don't worry about it," Kevin replied coyly. "I was
simply told that it was time to leave... See ya." With
that simple, sarcastically polite gesture, Kevin was out
the door, leaving the two generations of the Shantz
females to tear each other apart.")
This was another story that was an "eh" experience for
me. The writer tried to work up sympathy for Kevin's
rough life in the beginning only to lose it at the
trailer-trash part, and I felt, as the story was titled,
indifferent, even though, as with "Next Door and
Plotting Wives" there wasn't anything too objectionable
about it. Well, okay, on a second pass the trailer trash
characters weren't very pleasant to read about, and
certainly not very sexy. Maybe there are people out
there who get turn-ons from watching Jerry Springer and
the like, but as a fetish it didn't really speak to me.
Perhaps if some humor was there it would have been more
enjoyable, but the author took the whole thing very
seriously.
And perhaps if the protagonist had been a dangerous,
smoldering rebel along the lines of, say, an Eminem or
Johnny Depp out to create sexual havoc -- by working
through his own existential pain -- I might have liked
it more. But the character was flat, and I didn't get
any sense of why he did the things he did, or how he
felt about them.
Could have been better.
Book Notes
Kiss and Makeup
by Gene Simmons
Crown Publishers, 2001
$25.95
The Tongue speaks!
Anyone who's lived through the 70s has got to remember
KISS. Even if you didn't like them, or thought, as I
did, they were sexually suspect, it was pretty hard not
to have some visceral reaction to the Demon, the Cat,
the Starchild, and the Space Ace. They were everywhere.
Lunchboxes, tshirts, belt buckles, you name it. In the
decades since the merchandising has only gotten wider.
Now there are video games, motorcycles, and even Kiss
Kaskets for your eternal rest.
I'd always thought such merchandising was a fluke, a
byproduct of the band's popularity. But according to
Gene Simmons in his biography, it was a carefully
crafted part of the KISS business plan from day one,
cooked up him and Paul Stanley, the group's two
coleaders. Not bad for a Jewish boy from Queens. Or an
only son born to Hungarian refugee parents in Israel, a
scifi and comic book nut who planned the band's image
from the very beginning as "The Beatles on steroids" who
would become a brand name and cultural icon akin to
Mickey Mouse.
I thought all this was very interesting, as I'd never
thought much about Gene Simmons before, save he had a
very large tongue. I was more partial to the Space Ace;
sorry, Gene, but the Demon character did seem a bit
lacking in the intelligence department. Happily, that is
not so, and Gene has written a fascinating, genial
biography about his life both before and after the
mighty KISS. For ASSM readers, Gene discusses his sex
life a bit, not revealing details (he is a nice Jewish
boy after all) but admitting, as a sex addict in all but
name, he slept with literally thousands of girls, taking
intimate Polaroid snapshots of most of them, a hobby he
claims is less damaging than liquor or drugs. He's also
fairly indiscriminate, his partners including a deaf
girl, big-name celebrities Diana Ross and Cher, and a
sexagenarian limo driver. You go Gene!
The book also has a nice selection of pictures, some of
the band in their early years, and lots of candid photos
from recent decades. The picture of Gene with his mom is
a winner.
Want to join the KISS army, but missed the boat? Read
this book.
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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