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Message-ID: <40395asstr$1042283430@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #015 - 10-Jan-2003
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 2003 06:10:30 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

A new year, a new beginning, right? Now, if I could only get
real life to settle down and leave me alone for a while, you'd
probably see more reviews.

It's been a while since I posted a review. Forgive me if I'm
rusty. Hope everyone had a happy holiday.

- Crimson

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Story Summary:

People Are Strange -- Bradley Stoke 
    (MFF)(Caution)
    [10,10,10,10]

Playing For Keeps -- Alecia D
    (F+F, M+F, Strip Poker/Dare)
    [9,10,6,7]

What Bad Girls Like To Hear -- Purple Herald/Lucas 
    (MF, Spank, Humil)
    [9,10,10,10]

Ashley and Mr. Thomas -- Gray Beard 
    (MF rom)
    [8,10,9,9]

Alice Chapter One (1/15) -- Bradley Stoke 
    {MF ff}
    [not rated (multi-part)]

History Stuttering -- Otzchiim
    (M/F, 1st, cons)
    [9,10,10,9]

Volunteer -- Scott
    (MF, rough, sci-fi, caution)
    [9,10,10,9]


Reviews:

------------------------------------------------------------------------
People Are Strange -- Bradley Stoke
    (MFF)(Caution)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www

Bradley takes us behind the scenes, where Moss, Miguel, Laura and
Sylvia are making a European stag film. Moss watches and waits not so
patiently for his turn at the action. Meanwhile, the girls, together,
and then with Miguel, play their parts for the camera, the audience,
and the director.

This story combines a number of interesting elements. Bradley takes us
backstage, presenting a rather different perspective on the entire
porn film genre. The combination of the character, and the setting
shows, perhaps, a rather bleak outlook on the production of these
films. Overall, it was different and didn't seek to needlessly
glamorise what must surely occur behind the scenes.

And I can't help comparing to what we all do here. Why do we write as
we do? The answer is simple.

People are strange.

(But what about Dragons?)

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Playing For Keeps -- Alecia D
    (F+F, M+F, Strip Poker/Dare)

http://www.katie-mcn.com

Jenn, Annie, and our narrator are best friends. Regularly, they get
together socially with their husbands. One night, someone suggests
that a game of strip poker might be fun. After the obligatory
protests, the game begins. Our narrator loses -- badly. And
so the story flows, the action becoming more and more wild as
the group searches for more excitement.

[ Jenn and Annie are my best friends and have been since elementary 
  school. Even after the three of us got married we still managed to 
  see each other on a regular basis. ]

I had to read this three times before I realised that it wasn't the
three girls that were married to each other (which actually does sound
interesting), but rather that each simply had a husband.  In
retrospect, Alecia's prose makes sense, but I suspect it could be
reworked to remove any hint at confusion. There's probably a fancy
English term for subject/pronoun confusion, and I hope Denny will leap
in and provide it. Nevertheless, this isn't a serious issue. I had
more trouble with the overuse of 'got' and the passive tense of the
story overall. I found it somewhat difficult to read, but this may not
affect everyone.

The story does move along, though in a somewhat predictable fashion.
Really, the plot exists mostly to expose fantasy, and provide a
framework for exhibitionism and sex. The characters are really only
motivated by sexuality as far as I can tell. That's fine (more than
fine for most of us), and fun, but there isn't much in the way of
depth here.

Overall, a reasonably well written effort, though mostly aimed at the
stroke crowd.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    6
Crimson         :    7

------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Bad Girls Like To Hear -- Purple Herald/Lucas 
    (MF, Spank, Humil)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/PurpleHerald/www/

In a smoky bar, Lucas talks to Barbara, telling her everything she
doesn't want to hear. He knows when she lost her virginity, that she
fooled around at the Christmas party with her co-worker's boyfriend,
and even what she names her vibrators.  He also knows that she feels
guilty, and why. Such things complement Lucas. But does she want to
hear these sinful elements of herself? You'll have to read to find
out.

[ "What?  See what lurks in a women's mind?" Barbara asked.  She 
  smiled as she smoked.  "I don't see what good it is other than 
  {to} scare the shit out of them.  Unless you really are a 
  blackmailer." ]

Missed word.

[ Her dismissal of my sacrifice annoyed me. "It{'}s more than 
  that. ... ]

Purple gets it right everywhere else. Just a dropped apostrophe.

[ ... of the men in the bar laughed and Barbara blushed.  They knew she 
  was going to be taken to be fucked the humiliation was exactly what 
  she wanted. ]

I think that last sentence should be two, or perhaps joined somehow
with a conjunction.

Overall I liked the plot, and the characters. Purple provides more
than simple sex here, even though it borders on a stroke story.  A
nice combination here of character, sex and plot.

Be warned, the sex is rough, though, for me, the story makes up for
it. It isn't mindless brutality, but rather roughness with purpose. If
that means anything to you.

I didn't quite know what to expect when I picked this up, but by the
end, I really enjoyed reading it.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ashley and Mr. Thomas -- Gray Beard (new author)
    (MF rom)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40328

Gray Beard is a first time poster, and he even requested comments.
What's a Reviewing Dragon to do? Review, of course ...

Our narrator, of the gray beard, George Thomas, meets Ashley outside
the friendly neighbourhood Adult Video Store. Ashley was a former
student of his, older now but young enough to be his daughter. While
they had met in the past, these days, Ashley is all grown up, and
though the situation is admittedly strange, Ashley and Mr. Thomas seem
to connect.  This is the story of their paths and uncertainties in a
blossoming relationship.

[ "I know what you were up to"{,} she whispered to me in a 
  conspiratorial fashion.  "You were going to jerk off to some 
  movies, weren't you, you dirty old man. ]

The punctuation falls inside the quotations, Gray-man. Easy to correct,
though.

[ As we sat and talked, while the waiter brought us our drinks and 
  {desert}, she ... ]

Every time I order this, the waiter shows up with a tray full of sand,
little caravans trudging across it, with small oases shiny in the
overhead lights. Of course, then I call him a smart-ass, and he
scurries away, the fear of angry Dragon upon him. But you get the
point. Right?

Denny actually recommended this story to me, and so I dutifully
wandered out to read it. I'm glad that I did. It shows great promise
after the minor technical issues are cleaned up. There was something
lacking in the characters' initial meeting -- I couldn't quite
reconcile why Ashley would be at the Adult Video parlour without more
acknowledgement of the unusualness of it, and that she didn't seem to
mind the age difference. Indeed, I didn't quite understand why she was
even attracted to him, given his descriptions of himself and where
they were. The narrator remarked upon the oddity, but I think in
building Ashley's character, we needed to see some concern about why
she was acting as she was, or at least that she'd considered the
strangeness, even if it didn't bother her. Such external
characterisation can be a tricky thing to do when writing from first
person, but I think it needs to be done here, if only so the narrator
doesn't wander through life constantly confused by other people's
weird actions. For instance, we don't know if Ashley was there and
attracted to him because she was lonely, or because she's a
nymphomaniac, because she's attracted to older men, because she had a
crush on him since the sixth grade, or because she's had a hard day at
work and will do anything to unwind. Granted, our narrator doesn't
know these details either, but I would think he might be curious, and
might ask at some point what her motivations were if only to
understand her better.

Of course, our narrator isn't exactly in a position to complain, but
keeping pace and acknowledging unusual character traits is a big part
of what we do as authors. I suppose it was merely a dichotomy. We knew
exactly why George was at the Store, but we don't have any confirmed
idea why Ashley was. We are left to guess. Guessing isn't difficult,
but letting us know why might bring out elements of her character
similar to the way that we knew George. Ashley, and her persona, are a
big part of the story.

What I did like, though, was the obvious care and humanity that Gray
Beard put into the characters. Despite the disbelief and confusion
that I felt upon their meeting, Gray Beard continues on and gives us
an understanding of the relationship, the emotions, the loneliness,
and the motivations of the narrator at least. It was a compelling
story of the birth of love between two unlikely people.  By the end, I
liked both Ashley and George. As I said, this author is showing a lot
of promise. Much more than mere sex here. I especially liked the build
up, and the anticipation, notably at his place with the tub scene. And
the sex isn't shabby either.

I look forward to seeing how Gray Beard continues in his next story.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alice Chapter One (1/15) -- Bradley Stoke 
    {MF ff}

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www

As most of you know, I resolved not to review any multi-part stories
in this new year. It ain't the first resolution I've broken. <sigh>

This is the first chapter in a delightfully satiric view of Lewis
Carroll's famous tale. Of course, there are a few twists that might
make 'ole Lewis blush, but overall, I have to say that I enjoyed
the premise, and it certainly grabbed my attention.  I'll never
read Alice in Wonderland the same again, I fear.

Now, while I did manage to break the resolution about reviewing, I
won't break the one about grading it. It would be unfair to grade
a partially read story, but I will say that this looks like an
entertaining read, and if I know Bradley, it won't only be about
the sex (though the first chapter doesn't waste any time).

I probably will not have the time to read it all, or review it, but
I urge all of you not writing and reviewing -- and who presumably
have more time that I do -- to take a look. Poor Lewis is probably
spinning, but for the rest of us, enjoy. That's all I can say.

Down the hole, indeed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
History Stuttering -- Otzchiim
    (M/F, 1st, cons)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40258

It's the smallest apartment that Josie has ever seen: a bachelor
studio, where Adam has brought her. Adam and Josie work together
at the record store. After their shift, Adam and Josie figure out
what love is all about. Despite her mother's warnings, and her
tender age of eighteen, Josie decides to let fate take its meandering
course, and she discovers herself and Adam in a rush of sexuality.

Despite the story's concentration on sex, somehow Otzchiim manages
to seduce us with subtle character and plot. I picked up the story
based on its title, and the fact that there wasn't a million spelling
mistakes in the first paragraph (and that there *were* paragraphs).
I'm sure that the title has meaning, but I wasn't able to fathom
it -- maybe I'm just too tired. I like it though, and the story
made me think. Overall, a very nice portrayal of love's first time.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Volunteer -- Scott
    (MF, rough, sci-fi, caution)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40231

Editorial Note:
    The author didn't code this story. Story codes are only
    approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon.

Civil war is never a pleasant undertaking. We join our narrator as
the tides of war shift into his favour. But, in the dying months
of the war, he is captured and taken to a far off moon to be
interrogated by the Brainwaster. One might imagine the ultimate
fate of our commander. Is there any hope for our captured leader?
And what might her name be?

[  ... were few POWs in this war. Civil wars are always the worst. 
   Brother kills b{r}other. The hatred on all sides was intense. ]

[ "As you wish, my Lord," he said as he moved from the door to the 
  wi{n}dow. ]

Technically, this story is very readable. Only the odd spelling
error that shows that at least Scott bothered to use a spell checker.
Note that 'bother' and 'widow' are both legitimate words.  Sometimes
a spell checker isn't quite enough, but it certainly is a good first
step -- so much more than most bother with around here.

Overall, I really enjoyed the story. There was meaningful character,
plot beyond the sex. I especially liked the heroine, and her quiet
bravery. Erotic and with a story. What more can a Dragon ask? Hmmm?

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9
 

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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