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From: "Sean Farragher" <sfarragher@nj.rr.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Confessions of CJ Parker: God Loved his Daughter
Date: Wed,  4 Dec 2002 17:10:02 -0500
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 From Taxi Murders Hyperfiction
CJ Parker: Confessions
(c) 2002 Sean Farragher

http://www.seanfarragher.com/txm6
http://www.seanfarragher.com/Joss
http://www.seanfarragher.com/Hyperfiction

Confessions of CJ Parker: God loved his Daughter

1. My Old Pimp: Sire Joseph

"Daddy loves me this I know for the bible tells me so."



2. What I 'member about my father: Christ's suffering.

Mama burned the cross down. She handed me to the devil as ritual. She said
I was the child of the devil and a Witch. My baby ass bottom was raw and my
mouth was dry. I was hungry watching my mother nurse my sister. I drooled
wet with stale milk. I wanted new utters. I felt my own flat invisible tits
and knew tenderness.

Years later, I got wet imagining I could nurse my father. I once did.
Wanting an infant, I demanding my mother to let me nurse again. I saw Mama
sucking Daddy. I said Milk. I said Moo I started playing with my food and
put some on my lips and blew bubbles that daddy caught. Daddy sucked my
nipple breasts. Momma was not pleased.

Pissed, she made sort of a half smile and then put me to bed. I could hear
them doing stuff, arguing, screaming and I would creep out and catch them
hiding something and I was very upset. Later, I learned Daddy only fucked
her ass. Mama didn't want any more bastard kids as she called us.

I regress.

I did it all. I found the hidden hole in the back of my mind where we all
lived. Sitting on my father's lap, caught in the pain, the loneliness, when
he left, I was empty. I ached and then I bled into menarche at nine. Mama
ran away from home. I never saw her again.

Daddy and I did it until he died when I was 16. My Aunt came and claimed my
two younger brothers and one sister. Aunty, as I called her, told me I was
on my own. She didn't want me fucking her man. I missed my children as I
called my siblings, but what could I do.

Years later, when lovers came in my mouth I would wash the taste away with
a container of milk I kept in my purse. Sometimes the milk got sour. It
tasted better that way.

I loved the curd and played with it as my tongue danced cocks. I tongued
the tip of the prick and would edge the tips into the hole and when they
came and got soft I would bite and suck harder until they beat me away.



3. Education.

I lived on my own selling my ass. I even attending HS and graduated. I had
this best girl friend there. She was a petite fem. My girl friend and I
explored the layers of the other's cunt and navel. We kissed for hours
imagining that men not boys watched us. Tina giggled about the white haired
crossing guard old enough to be her grand father. She confessed that he
paid her twenty dollars for a blowjob. She also told the story of how last
year her brother would pee as she watched. I made a mess copying him, but
after a while I found I could almost direct the spray. When Tina told the
story, I got up out of bed, half drunk and sat down, but getting into it, a
smile half dashed on my face, I stood up and let the pee run down my legs.
Tina cheered, and we showered, and inside the curtain drawn, she peed on my
legs and belly, wetting her fingers, she reached up and rubbed her salty
fingers on our lips. Falling down I sucked her and swallowed the last
dregs. Standing hot kissing and tasting her sex, Tina pushed on my stomach
and I let my last pee fall into her mouth.

Out of the tub we powdered and patted and drawing me down she put on her
cock belt and fucked my ass. We slept after I came and finally, while I
pretended to sleep, exhausted, she rubbed her cunt on my knee and came
screaming. "No boy can do that," she said. I agree, and followed with "yea,
but my daddy did, and I miss him."

Tina laughed. "How about your Mama," she croaked. "Fuck No, but I did watch
them. Mama touched me, but only when she was drunk, and then when I was
about to come, she beat me."

I met Father Tabby at a children's shelter. I wanted him. I seduced him.
Eventually, after he changed, or I did, he tortured me with sexual teasing.
I wanted every man and woman in the streets. I needed the madness of it,
and I longed for the ache of that last scream when I started to roll my
hips back and forth and buck to orgasm shrieking my god my father, daddy,
fuck me blessed one." I said it just like that. No shit.

At sixteen my ass give way to my cunt. Joined to Father Tabby and God. I
became male, his brother as well as a woman. In my dreams, no in reality, I
grew a cock when he put his hands on my shoulders and said, "HEAL."

I was warm and hot. I could not separate fantasies. I became a line of scum
on the sheets, and in a hand mirror, while I masturbated I drew the winks,
closed eyes, bitten lips and contorted cheeks. I remembered how that my
Woman Tabby came. When I screamed I wanted a woman, he became one. More
beautiful than a Madonna, innocent, she licked me while Tabby fucked me.
She told me she was the Mother of God. I called her a liar. Mothers hate
God, I said. Look, I insisted, "the lines of his cum as a graph."




4. Drugs, Sex and Pimps

CJ had freelanced without a pimp for many years. One day I was alone again.
Father Tabby left town. He told me later --transferred by his Bishop, but I
did not believe him. Actually, I learned later he was busted for
manufacturing Crack. He was an amazing bullshit artist as God.

Actually, I had that problem all the time. Men left me. When Sire Joseph as
I called him got out of jail, I didn't take him back at first. He cried. I
never saw a pimp cry.

Joseph knew CJ would take care of him. Hookers are lonely and rarely know
anyone who will help them feel less apart from themselves. Joseph didn't
know that CJ had turned him into the police.

Joseph dealt drugs, but didn't use them himself. CJ thought that Joseph
would never get out of jail, but Joe had good lawyers and a year later he
was back on the street.




5  JOSEPH THE PIMP: Back Dancers and Shimmy Shoo. (Escape from Religion)

When Father Tabby met Joseph, when Tabby returned later, he explained.
"He'll stop you from the memory of our salvation."

"No, he says I can have religion any time. I told him you are my fucking
Father," and he beat me. When I refused to give you up, frustrated, he
finally laughed and called it the fucked up glue of religion. I told him
no. That was not it. He didn't believe me.

You know I couldn't resist him. Sometimes I believed Tabby and Joe were the
same person.  Yes, I met the Priest first. I admitted that to the social
worker. She was a good lady. She really tried to salvage my soul I told her
how some truly fucked up crazy man who called himself Abel beat the shit
out of me. That is another story

Joseph had dark brown skin, handsome, articulate, he had a gentle and a
violent touch, but had a hard time keeping the violence and the calm
separate. "I love the word, "articulate," I told Tabby when she described
my pimp. "Joseph had eyes that searched inside the cataract of the Nile," I
pretended to be a poet. It was temptation. I felt like I did when I was a
child and wanted to touch my cunt. My father kept saying only he could do
it. If I touched it, he said, I would burn in Hell.

I sometimes called Joseph "Shimmy Shoo" like he was some rock queen. He
twisted my arm, and I would do get immediately wet. I did what he said
willingly more than I ever did for God or you or my own cunt, Tabby. I
never resisted. I just followed his lips into my pussy pie, dividing the
sides like a divider from a drafting kit. I loved the prick of the fork of
the point in my nipples. I loved to make my tits bleed in small puddles
letting the red and pink run down into a stream and then I would suck it to
clean it up.

Joseph wanted more than me. He hated hookers who just fucked like cold
meat. He wanted them to sing and dance and make him merry. He made them
laugh and he expected them to choke in Technicolor when he fucked their
throats. After the show he took their money in the usual way and felt that
grift of the act of forcing someone by trickery into giving up more than
their skin. Joseph wanted to be God like Father Tabby. He demanded
obedience. I laughed and did what I pleased. Of course I never challenged
them, but I knew I could. I felt free that way.

When Joseph was in jail he fucked several queers in the ass. He protected
one, and in return the girl made up from boy would suck him off. Sometimes
it disgusted him, he would think of some Bitch while the queen sucked, and
when he came, he would kick the crap out of the kid doing the job on his
dick and when she smiled with blood on her tit he would find a way to make
her grovel for more.

A year without a woman can turn any robust man into an ass fucker, Joe
claimed. He never turned like some cons do. "I never allowed my ass to
become woman. Two tough yard bird weight lifters one black and the other
blue tried. They beat the crap out of him. When they had his ass up ready
to roll, his pants and rep. were there in view; one of the guards in Joe's
pay locked the tier down. Joe escaped that time. Joseph couldn't believe
the punishment they inflicted on him and another convict thinking he had
squealed. So he turned on the cops not wanting to be a rat, and got lucky
with a screw, and killed him. Silence protected Joe. God protected him, I
said.

Yes, I have a soft spot in my heart for pain so when Joseph told me she
wanted him more to make the pain less for him and to feel what he ached in
his balls. He said they contracted when he told stories. I loved the word
"sensation," I told him. "Sensation" became my second favorite word. Joe
told me he thought of her when he suffered. I believed him. At least it was
possible. Joseph described how he wanted her under his hand pulling at his
meat with her cunt. I loved his stories as I loved the God my priest
created. I knew I had made a mistake when I wrote Joe in jail last year.
She told herself she was curious to know how he was, but no matter how he
begged, she refused to visit him.

I didn't include my street address, but Joseph found her. I couldn't resist
the thud of his fist on my inner thigh or my back. I would feel the shatter
of my teeth when he smacked against my head. I knew I would do what he
said. I would have to convince him that I had to stop doing drugs. He used
drugs and sex to control my life. Drugs brought me down, and then when I
came up, before more drugs, he would make me come for hours until I had no
memory except Father Tabby and Joe.

Joseph never took drugs himself before prison. Out of prison, he used them.
I needed them there he said to stay sane. "Easier to get drugs in jail than
on the street," he said. Just like you do. You use your ass to get what you
need, or if you're lucky and a muscle man you beat people to death to get
what you need."

When Tabby left I used drugs again.

The first time I fucked for money Joseph gave me some hash. The drugs
helped me reach another memory.

Joe told me how he had became whore for a jailhouse pimp.

"I used my fucken ass like you."

I loved his stories and begged for more. Fuck my cunt, I insisted when he
got out of jail. He refused. He never did what I wanted so I told him fuck
my ass. He didn't stop. He smiled and waved his finger in my face and said
"life is never that simple." CJ knew that Joseph had really turned when
Joseph brought this skinny bitch over and said she was a new cunt in his
stable. The cunt once had a prick, he said. He screamed at me to close the
window he was cold. When I refused the "girl" got up and closed the window.

"Don't worry," She said. I am Rachel, and I like girls too."

6.  Postoperative TS Rachel/Richard

A skinny bleached blond named Rachel (formerly Richard) was a postoperative
transsexual with two clits. Dr. did it as a joke with the extra foreskin.

Rachel took her clothes off piece by part doing a suggestive dance,
exposing his breasts and the scar that used to be his prick. Rachel said
she was going under the knife soon to have a real cunt constructed from the
lips and clits she still displayed.

I loved it. I swam in Rachel's pain and in the look on Joseph's face when
he saw me fingering the woman. I turned Joseph on with my double finger
fucking of the bitch.

Some times I was too lonely when I looked around room and could not see
Father Tabby or Joseph, but having Rachel there, I felt better. Lifting her
legs, she split them apart, and put a large dildo in her ass. Using a large
hand held vibrator.
Joseph discovered us at the last pulse. I expected Joe to him me when I
broke into her play. Instead he got down on all fours and licked where she
had peed asking not telling her to play with his hair while he swallowed. I
never came harder.

Getting back to Rachel. I liked her soft scar (made up cunt) and tiny tits.
I loved it when he let me suck on it. Taking drugs for breasts, when I was
getting ready for the cut, he explained I couldn't get hard, but now I have
this wonderful deep full feeling that my ass is my cunt and my cunt is
another hole to be filled with as much shit as can be stuffed.

After a few months of fucking Joe and Rachel, Joe was arrested selling
drugs.
Rachel left town leaving me alone, and I missed them both. Before Rachel
left she told me she was an undercover Nark.  I laughed in her face.

"What weird dedication," I replied.
She responded. "No it was easy. I always wanted to be fucked by G-men and
now I can do it and not lose my job."

As the result of entrapment, Joe bargained the plea down to two years
(served ten months).

While Joe was in jail, I got lost in the streets. No more pimps. No
protection. It was hard. Had to stay out of the city. Work the bridge and
tunnels. Pimps there too, but not as organized and besides I was skinny,
and looked dead from the crack.

Father Tabby found me again just in time. I knew it. I wanted to sleep, and
he let me. He protected me.

Of course, I knew what he wanted. Salvation, he called it. We all have our
games to play, and I realized he was a good man. He did get me off drugs,
and then Joe got out of jail on parole.

Father Tabby was the first man made me come with baby Jesus. Tabby did it
just like my Daddy did when I was a girl. I never faked it for Daddy or
Jesus. Fun to know you hold the cards.

Half the time or more I faked it for my pimp. Joseph believed he was such a
stud When he turned queer I never had to fake it. Life is funny, right?

CJ told Rachel just before the pimp and the TS Honey ran away, "if you know
what is best, you never tell the truth about the times you come or not.
Fake it and do. Never tell the truth. If you tell anyone you lied. They
will never take your shit. "Yea, I know," I told her, "you cannot fool a
bitch."

Before Father Tabby returned I worked with another woman as a show for
Johns. Once, when alone, in bed with this silky black woman with small
breasts and long legs, she came, as the woman sucked her off. She did it
over and over and I came every time. I didn't know it but the woman was a
man.

CJ thought she had turned but then I Tabby came back, and he told me that I
was his daughter. Of course, I was not, but I believed him. When I looked
in his eyes I saw my father diddling my bare sex before I sucked him off.

Joseph became what I never wanted but couldn't resist.  I discovered that
I, Daddy's little girl, had a hardon for God.

One day, Joe returned, drunk. He got in Joseph's face, and told him to
leave me the fuck (his exact words) or he would report him. Joseph didn't
give a shit and reached out to grab Tabby. There was nothing there: just
space. Joseph freaked. He ran from the room clawing at the blood that
stained his arm.

Father Tabby explained that it was a mind game. "Forget it," he said.

I knew differently. One night, when he came in my mouth, I reached up, my
mouth was sucking, playing with intangible balls, and then the air hit my
mouth, and breath, and longing, and I came with my fingers furiously
tangled in my clit, and Father Tabby smiling, his collar on the table, his
cock as long as a snake, and I was cut up into little pieces on his plate,
as Eucharist. When I woke up my breasts were aching with milk. I had not
given birth. Father sucked and the dreams continued for years.

I loved how Tabby came in my mouth. It leaked, and drifted down my chin on
my breasts, and Tabby reached down and played with my hair like Mother did,
and I reached up and breasts covered. I became a mewling infant at his
breast. Later, I attended Mass, and given the Eucharist, I tasted the
blood. Tabby said it was real. I didn't ask him how he knew, but he did
say, "God loved his daughter."




 ###

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