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Message-ID: <39241asstr$1036930202@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: iambe@gmx.net (iambe)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 9 Nov 2002 08:56:59 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} {Song Fest} {Song Flashback Challenge} in My Place, iambe, ff
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 07:10:02 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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in My Place
  by iambe

/...so far away. doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?/ Carole
King crooned as you groused your angst at me.

"this song will always remind me of you," you'd scowled.

always going away, right? that's how you saw it. but you never paused
to reflect how you'd not always gone away, but rather had never come
all the way in.

"we were just children," you'd later said. it gave me to realize that
you really had been just a child. some are children at fourteen; some
have been robbed of childhood by then. i was the latter.

that's why i first left: it wasn't possible to be mature lovers with a
child.

"my parents said i have to start dating boys," you'd moped back then.

"now ain't that a kicker! how many parents dread their daughters'
opening forays into dating boys? - and yours are ordering you to
start!" my laugh was bitter.

"well, how many parents are watching their daughter's dating
experience begin with dating her girlfriend?" you laughed
lightheartedly.

there's the glaring difference, right there: you were having an
experience. i had found the love of my life.

"we're not lesbians. i mean, i love you, and i even wish we could hope
to be together forever. but someday we'll grow up and get married to
men. why can't you just enjoy what we have right now?"


/...long ago i reached for you and there you stood.../
you wanted me to be there when you reached. it angered you when i
wasn't. you made me wrong for leaving, when it had always been you who
left every time you'd had your fill reaching.

/...stay in one place.../ like a windup toy: there when you needed,
statue when you were satisfied. satisfied and fortified enough to head
out on your next parent-approved date with that boy who was to rip
your heart out. it is a twisted world where a parent would be relieved
by that: well, at least she's not a lesbian. phew!

and your sisters and friends. they'd been furious when they found out
about us. begged me to say it wasn’t true! i would find, over
the years, that all that time they'd been envious.


the way you played it in your head, my anguish was some kind of
lesbian guilt. "why does it bother you so much? we're not lesbians!"

but i was. and it wasn't a stage, phase, or experience. we were
standing on opposite shores of life's journey. you were taking a dip
before continuing downstream, while i was already immersed.

so, i left. i'd let you get on down that shore - you the transient,
all that time - while i stumbled into the sun to warm up.


i can let go now. thirty years later, our mutual friend came to visit
me and i knew her words had originated with you: "well, you were just
children then."


hiding and lying, especially so young, had been demoralizing. being a
windup toy during my first Big Love left me settling for less than i
deserve, for the rest of my life...

until now.

now She's here, the true love of my life. and me, i'm staying in one
place, as she and i journey as one.


/...words can hurt you if you let them. people say them and forget
them. words can promise words can lie.../
but Her words make me feel like i can fly!

***

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASSTR
Thank You for the Freedom

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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