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Subject: {ASSM} (song fest) Pathways In My Mind (zoo/best M-bitch rom)
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 06:10:02 -0500
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<1st attachment, "timeinbottle.txt" begin>
Song Festival, November, 2002
Song Flashback zoo/best M-bitch rom
I've chosen to wrap a story around a song I consider one of the
most evocative I've ever heard. 'Time in a Bottle'--sung by Jim
Croce.
I've chosen to mix the lines in as section headers.
This is a work of fiction.
---
Pathways in My Mind
by: Stasya T. Canine
---
"If I could save time in a bottle"
I gently work us closer together and savor the feel of my mate's
fur against my body as the soothing sounds of 'Time In a Bottle'
gently emerge from the stereo to flow across our cooling bodies.
No matter how many people sing the song, there is only one singer
I will ever think of as having sung it *right*.
That singer is Jim Croce.
I move my head and gently nibble on one of her ears before
whispering: "Hey, lover. He's singing our song."
The ear moves slightly as the eye facing me opens to regard me.
Satisfied with what she sees, she closes it and stretches
seductively before going limp again. From experience I know it's
her way of saying "For that, you disturbed me?"
I walk my fingers down her spine, an action that meets with her
obvious approval.
"It would have to be a bottle as big as the universe, my love."
* * *
"The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you"
I put my fingers on automatic and continue my reflections. "If I
could save bits of time, even my own, and give them to someone
who deserves them... I wouldn't hesitate to give them to
you--even if it meant shortening my own life to extend yours."
'Special' doesn't begin to describe what she has become to me.
Companion. Lover. Mate. Partner. She is all these--and more.
Oh, she is so much more.
When I first got her, it was a case of both of us picking the
other. It was a large kennel, which meant a large breeding
operation. I didn't realize it then but that sort of operation
almost automatically fails to provide enough of the loving,
caring attention most dogs need.
When a dog is as 'big-hearted' as she is, there is no way they
can get the amount of love they need. Thus, even though *I*
wasn't aware of what was happening, I was being judged by the
dogs as much as I was judging them. Through some sort of
winnowing out process she wound up managing to get my attention
and keep it in spite of the other dogs that were clamoring for
it.
Of course, I didn't see it that way those many years ago.
Since then she's made it very clear that just as I can't picture
a life without her, she has no desire to leave me, either. We
both know there have been plenty of times she could have left me
if she wanted to. She hasn't--and I treasure her all the more
for those decisions.
"Yes, my love. If I could save those bits of time when I can't
be with you and then use them to have more time to be in your
presence, I would."
* * *
"If I could make days last forever"
Ever been so in love that the sex becomes a connection between
your resonating souls? Well, when I orgasm during one of our
gentle sessions, the moment itself is merely a spike in a
timeless flow where she becomes the center of my universe and
there is no measurable time. Seduction, entry, the sex, orgasm
and the afterglow all become one thing, complete. It's the
closest I've been to 'feeling' the concept of 'forever'. I'm
certain she feels the connection, too. Why else would she choose
those times to quietly stay with me rather than bounce away in
her usual display of happiness?
Is that timeless time what makes her so aggressive about sex?
Now that I think about it, she never has that look of resigned
acceptance that most bitches have when they are fucked by a dog.
I've allowed her to breed and since we have to watch them closely
to verify the mating for the records, I've had many opportunities
to study her expression and body language while she waits for the
tie to end.
The first time she was bred I could tell that she was surprised
by what was happening. She didn't pull away but I suspect that
was because I was right there soothing her and letting her know
everything was as it should be. Since I was holding her, I could
tell when she orgasmed. That seemed to make a final connection
in her mind and I felt her total acceptance of the situation.
If you've ever watched dogs think about something, you know that
they all have little movements that let you know how they feel
about whatever it is they are thinking about. During all her
matings I've watched her movements and they have always been the
movements she uses to indicate she is enjoying herself--the same
ones she uses while we are making love to each other.
As I watch her calmly standing there during the tie, I get a very
distinct impression that she is using the situation to take her
into the timeless flow that she first learned about with me.
And, I'm jealous. I wish it were that easy for me to do.
* * *
"If words could make wishes come true"
Words and wishes. How I *wish* for us to be able to fully
communicate with each other. There are times, now rare, when we
are both frustrated because we know we aren't connecting. On the
other hand, there are times I know she wishes she could fully
communicate her love and support. She tries. A soft whine and a
gentle touch of a paw let me know that she knows my day has been
worse than usual and she wants to help. But, no matter how well
we communicate now, we share the pain of wanting more.
Family. I guess this one is a wash. She's had puppies several
times. I suspect that she considers me their father. I feel
that way--but, at the same time, I know, deep down, that I am
only a step-father. It's not enough. I want to be the genetic
father of our 'kids'.
This must be my last wish because I can't think of any others.
It's the most important. Please, oh please... If there is
kindness out there to be given...
Extend her lifespan so it matches mine.
* * *
"I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you"
"Immortality, shared with you, my dearest one--would be a gift
beyond my most selfish dreams."
I reach out to lightly stroke the sleeping one. Her feet twitch,
there is a muffled woof and I know she is dreaming. Her tail
wags in short, vigorous strokes, as if inviting play. I see her
canine grin of enjoyment. Is she dreaming of us? It doesn't
matter. I delight in knowing she is as happy in her dreams as
she is in everyday life.
If I had to give one overriding reason for wanting to be with her
forever, it would be the joy she shares with me every day.
* * *
"But there never seems to be enough time"
I gently run my hand along her side.
The working man's curse. Time. Time pissed away at a job that
is well paying but no challenge, a dead end that averages an
hour's drive from here. Ten to twelve hours a day, five days a
week, fifty weeks out of the year I am unable to be in her
presence or where she can keep track of me. Add the time it
takes me to get ready and the time it takes to unwind and it
becomes a solid twelve hours a day that I cannot devote to *her*.
Sleep and the preparations for it consume another eight to nine
hours a day. When I include shopping and other things that
demand my time, we spend well less than one third of our lives
doing things we can do together. It's frustrating and more than
enough to let me know that it isn't enough. In her way, she's
made it clear that she doesn't care for the situation either.
* * *
"To do the things you want to do
Once you find them"
Her presence calms me. If only I could have her with me at work,
and on those drives to and from work, I wouldn't feel as stressed
as I usually do and my recovery time once home would be a lot
faster. That would make our time together even more enjoyable
because she wouldn't have to spend as much time waiting for me to
unwind.
I don't see society ever changing enough to let us openly be the
partners we truly are. Most people have partners, human
partners, that they can be with anytime they do the casual things
that mean so much to a relationship. Finding my completion with
her has taken that away from me.
"Are you listening? Add 'change society's values' to my wish
list. Place it second."
* * *
"I've been around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with."
I've had other bitches in my life and each one was special in her
own way. There have even been a few relationships with women.
After each one ended, for whatever reasons, I knew I could go on.
Continuing my life after *she* is gone--will be the hardest
thing I've ever done.
"Hello? Are you still listening? What sort of pervert are you
to create people who have to live *knowing* they will outlive
their life-mates? Hell on Earth. Well, I've got news for you.
If you send me to Hell and try this again--I'll survive to laugh
in your face and curse your 'generosity'!"
* * *
"If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true"
Thinking about the way I'd like to have things is nice--but it's
still just fantasy. I'm too pragmatic, I guess, so the reality
is that I've accepted things the way they are and never seriously
wished for the things that would make our relationship exactly
equal to a human-human one.
We are what we are and it's based on what we've already lived
though. We've made decisions, mostly good ones, and we somehow
manage to find new ways to make our relationship deeper. So,
the wishes for more are fleeting rather than ones I hold all the
time.
This is the world I live in--and it made me what I am now.
Change that, and it would change me. From here, the odds of any
changes being better--look slim.
"Thanks for asking--but I'll stand pat."
* * *
"The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you"
Yes. Without you, I am incomplete, unsatisfied. With you, I am
complete. Nobody can take that away from me without destroying
me.
"Indeed, my love, if I am ever forced to have only one memory,
and I get to choose it, the one I keep will be of us--and what we
meant to each other."
* * *
"But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them"
I know that because of her shorter lifespan and my having to live
and work in a human world that makes no concessions to non-human
life-mates, our time in each other's presence will be less than
if we were human partners. Because of that I make a special
effort to bend my path so it shares hers as much as possible when
we *are* together. It means not doing some things I'd like to do
but life with her is a known quantity, filled with our love for
each other. I don't want to reach for a nebulous 'maybe' when it
means keeping us apart even more. She's committed herself to
traveling through life at my side.
I can do no less for her.
* * *
"I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with"
"Hey, beautiful." The ear perks and the eye opens. My hands
drift to her haunches and gently shift her so we are aligned. My
entry is lubricated by the fluids left from our first time
tonight. Instead of moving, I stop once I am fully inside her.
Once I have wrapped my arms around her I move my head slightly
and smile as she meets my lips halfway. We share a kiss,
relax--and pursue our dreams.
---
Stasya T. Canine
October 16, 2002
http://storiesonline.net/Stasya_T_Canine/
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