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Message-ID: <38995asstr$1035839403@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 28 Oct 2002 12:56:53 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} Mom's Story
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 16:10:03 -0500
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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By Mom as told to Carol


"It is good for man not to touch woman, yet for fear of fornication,
let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own
husband. But I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them
if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let
them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn."

--Paul, I Corinthians 7


"Sex play is certainly healthy. Social skills are accrued and
eroticism enriched. Sexual interests are focused outside the home.
Both boys and girls feel potent. They're doing something new, daring,
and entirely of their own design. Each other's genitals are exciting
and powerful. The girl realizes that her body is desirable. The boy
feels proud; his penis elicits awe. Girls and boys are dearly
fascinated by one another."

<http://www.books-reborn.org/yates/sex/SexWithoutShame.html>


"According to figures from the Centers for Disease Control last month,
the number of American youths aged 15 to 18 who remained virgins in
2001 outnumbered those who had sexual intercourse by 54% to 46%. In
1991 the ratio was the exact reverse. The percentage who reported four
or more sexual partners fell from 19% to 14%." [BUT: doesn't the count
of "virgins" include those who have had oral, but not vaginal, sex?
Doesn't the new popularity of oral sex as a substitute for vaginal sex
account for the change? -- Carol]

<http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2089-459632,00.html>
<http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5138a2.htm>


[This is the final chapter of the story of my life and my sex in Our
Town, in the shadow of Moses David and his Children of God, that Mom
and most of her friends had abandoned in the 1980s. -- Carol]


Things seem to have come full circle. But then the Children of God was
always chasing its own tail, wasn't it? Claiming the 60s revolution
for its own, and then imposing an autocratic regime in its followers.
I scarcely need to say how the Church recruited youngsters in need of
order in their lives, youngsters disturbed by all the freedoms on
offer. You know, I was a virgin when I joined. But that didn't last
long. Like some Afghan teenager, I was given in mock marriage to a
local leader who fancied me. And that was that. Then, of course, I was
sent to Washington to do the Lord's work, and to curry favors among
those in a power to bestow them. Washington has always been full of
guys like Gary Condit, you know that. After a while I was pregnant,
and they ordered me back west. I saw how they raised their children,
the neglect and the way they made mothers and babies into gypsy
beggars, and I left. A lot of women were leaving; they went in
different directions of course. Either back to their families, into
some safe house or refuge commune like the ones we lived at, or onto
the street and maybe back to the COG when they couldn't make it on
their own. It seemed to me that the best defense to the kind of sexual
servitude I'd been put in was to teach children about sex so they
could assert and defend themselves. So that they couldn't be taken
advantage of. And, for girls, so that they would know how to insist on
reciprocity, mutuality. A lot of parents thought that way, although in
today's anti-pedophile climate that may seem strange. You know how
many parents brought their kids over to our type of home to be
intimate with ours. And you mentioned a little while ago the parents
who, like that man in Terrific Girl's piece, celebrate their kid's
thirteenth birthday with a defloration party. Anyway, you wrote about
the young boys you went with. You know what it's about, how parents
looked on approvingly. We, of course, knew that already. We knew, from
what we had seen at the COG that youngsters, at least from puberty,
have a real need for sex and that allowing them to get on with it
eliminates a lot of anxieties and distractions. That pre-marital and
pre-adulthood chastity is just one more of those hypocritical
religious rules that we believe to be right because we've always done
it that way. Well, kids have rights too. And "chastity" is an option,
not something to be imposed. It is the choice to be chaste or to be
sexually active that is the right. Political and religious hypocrites
are doing real damage to our children.
<http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/essays/impeach3.html>

Let me tell you something. Kids from middle school on are totally
consumed by sex, by flirting. It interferes terribly with their
studies. There are two, and only two, solutions. Either single-sex
schooling, or opportunity for sex. You don't see adults' working days
consumed by thoughts of sex -- at least not normal adults -- because
they have access to normal interpersonal and sexual relations. You
have to know from your own experience how well adjusted all our kids
were in school. If some other kid, a stranger to our way of living,
happened to be fixated on your breasts, well, that was his problem,
not yours. You knew that back home, and in other homes like ours, you
could do more than flirting and nobody would think the less of you for
it. And I notice you have picked up the motto I used to say, "sex
passed up is sex lost". So it is: and why should kids forego 5 to 10
years of potential joy, of moments of bliss?

I haven't read all your essays. You go too much into the physiology of
sex, but maybe that's the audience you're looking for. Today I would
be too tired for such strenuous activity, which is why, I suppose,
it's a good thing that women have their children before they get to be
40. Most of them, anyway. If your readers are looking for me to talk
about "better sex techniques" I think they are going to be
disappointed. Just tell them that nothing has changed about the
mechanics of sex in 10,000 years. What has happened in the last 40
years is that we've learned that Marx was right on one point. What was
it he said, "Religion is the opiate of the people, an anachronism once
used by the ruling classes to keep the workers in submission and
ignorance?" Well, I would argue that sex the object of religion, and
that once birth control and penicillin and condoms were invented,
well, religion had no further business meddling in the bedroom because
it was superseded by science in that domain. The Bible, after all, has
to be interpreted -- like any law, especially constitutional law -- in
relation to its times. God didn't speak English, although maybe those
folks at the Southern Baptist Convention think that way.

Bear in mind that from entry into middle school until graduation from
high school, kids are changelings and sex is at the forefront of their
minds. Constantly. Half of kids are no longer virgins by the end of
their 14th year, by age 15. Reality today is scarcely different from
what kids in our house experienced, except that with us it was open
and free and encouraged. I would rather my kids had sex in front of
me, without shame. I have some minor regrets, though. As you
described, Terrific Girl  was fortunate. Her pool party was planned,
and everything was choreographed. She had you and Older Girl right
there. And Older Girl's mom had looked after her and advised her. They
had all gone over with her in such detail how it would be with her
boy's penis, what choices she  had, what  she should do. There was
that other boy from the house -- my mind is cloudy right now and I
can't remember his name -- whom you called over, and he came right up,
closer than any boy's penis had ever been she said, and she put his
hand on it just so she would know what to expected. I was kind of
sorry that your first sex was spontaneous and on the floor. It could
have been better planned, like Terrific Girl's. More of a celebration,
an event. But I suppose tat would have been giving more value, more
significance, to virginity than you were willing to give it. You seem
to have thought you had waited long enough, that the time had already
passed, and here was a quick opportunity. But then, I never approved
of quick sex. I think it was my own bad first experience that made me
want my girl to be properly educated, informed, advised and
experienced about boys and especially about their penis. That's why I
wanted you to know all about semen. It shouldn't be a surprise, or a
source of disgust for a girl. If we were going to go by the principle
that oral sex is natural and good, and that semen is a celebration of
good sex, then girls should know early on what it is, how it feels
like, and so on. It should never be a cause or source of her
humiliation and any boy who would think that should be excluded.
Anyway, the nicest first time of the girls from our places was the Big
Breasted Girl's. She had so much support right there, and there were
no surprises. I don't think that there should be a lot of surprise in
sex, although maybe others disagree. Certainly you don't want any
surprise with the boy. Both of you always had nice boys available to
you. You never had any complexes, nor reason for any. Of course it
helped that you had a nice body; but even girls who weren't so pretty
did well, I think, out of our dogma.

But I agree with your conclusion: times have overtaken our house, our
lifestyle, our philosophy; even our theology, although that's supposed
to be eternal. If that were so, I think, all modern religions would be
disqualified. It's human nature to be concerned with the trivial, the
superficial rather than the substance, the natural. Speaking of which
I guess there must be some way to combine naturism and sex education:
after all, in all the communes I knew about, people were having sex in
public, and unlike the parents arrested in your newspaper quote, none
of them ever encountered officialdom over it. If they got into trouble
it was over drugs; and of course that was not an issue for us. The day
is long past when indoor nudity will get anybody into trouble, so the
real issue is tolerance -- or rather purported encouragement -- of
kids' sex. I imagine that could be finessed. After all, what on earth
could any of us do to put the genie back in the bottle for the boy and
girl at our [i.e., Mom's Friend's] house? It's just up to the two kids
to be discreet, something they've grown up being, I should think. And
they're beautiful kids, smart too. Society should respect our belief
that all of people's bodies are sources of public beauty and that
they, and their quality as means for expressing love and pleasure
should be openly celebrated. In other words, people should be freer to
touch each other and to have sex, with discretion, in public if that's
what their emotions tell them to do.

Your final question, I think, was whether I would have led the kind of
lifestyle I did with you in the two houses and on the boat if it
hadn't been for the COG. Highly unlikely, I should think. Our outlook
on sex was borrowed from the COG's of a particular era. The COG moved
on, and I didn't. Moses David got more and more outrageous and went
off course, the further he went in equating himself to the messiah, in
becoming like Rev. Sun Myung Moon. Sex was always part of Berg's
theology, but by the end, like Rev. Jim Jones, he was granting himself
harem rights and wanting to deflower every little girl in sight. Only
he was by that time impotent. I saw that coming, and I was out of
there for ten years when it happened. I was not going to put you at
risk. I  think kids should enjoy sex, but the operative word is
"enjoy" and that means it has to be -- if there is going to be sex --
voluntariness and comparability of age. I think you have said it all
correctly.

It's funny, you know -- well, not funny but sad, that society,
American society that is, refuses to recognize the right and claim of
"others" to sex. Children, at least, will grow up and claim their
birthright. But think of the handicapped. I don't have much to do
these days but sit here and surf the Internet, reading foreign
newspapers mostly. I saw that in Holland the welfare agencies send sex
workers out to the handicapped.

[An article in the French newspaper "Le Monde" recently addressed the
same issue in as forthright a manner as you could want. OK your French
has to be better than mine, but even so...
<http://www.lemonde.fr/article/0,5987,3226--295218-,00.html>

["These persons have long been considered as asexual and institutions
have for years preferred to close their eyes to their sex lives.
Rene-Paul Lachal, tetraplegic and research director at CNRS, tells how
one has to stifle his desire when he lives in a wheelchair."

[A girl from Quebec who works in my office helped me translate the
article, which goes on to say that a lot of carers  (meaning, usually,
mothers) of handicapped boys masturbate them to help relieve their
terrible sexual anxiety. -- Carol]

To my mind, the opportunity to pursue sex, like the opportunity to
pursue other sorts of happiness, is a God-given birthright. I don't
need to tell you, to repeat here, the consensus limits of age (i.e.,
puberty), consent, peer-group and so on. But those are for health and
safety reasons, and for the protection of those who are entitled to
special care. The handicapped? They have a right to be heard and to
compete fairly. Sadly, we live in a money economy. Which brings us
back to the point of the stupidity of leaving to some prophet the
management of our entire lives, when all around us it takes money to
live.

When I was in the COG, as you know I was in a rather specialized
lobbying group. I used to debate with the other girls working there
what Jesus's penis was like, whether he ever had sex. He was
circumcised you know: he must have had a beautiful penis. Is it
sacrilege, blasphemy, to speculate about it? Wouldn't it be funny if
some of those rabid Islamists were related to Jesus? Don't look so
startled. When you equate sex and religion, where do you stop? What
about transubstantiation: can you transform this piece of bread into
the penis of Jesus? Is that blasphemy? What would Moses David have
said? Well, in Japan there is an annual Shinto festival in honor of
the penis.
<http://www.metropolis.co.jp/tokyotravel/tokyojapantravel/365/tokyojapantravelinc.htm>
You've seen some of those Mo Letters: you know how Moses David equated
sex with holiness and with salvation, how he preached that God had
ordered males and females to copulate.

Now I am tired. Tired and unwell. I have to leave it to you to carry
the candle. You are not wrong to want to rejoin the middle class.
After all I saw soon enough that it was a mistake to have dropped out
of college to follow a prophet. I'm sorry I gave up so much. Much of
what I gained in the Church others could have taught me at less cost.
I gave up family, and they gave up me. If it hadn't been for my friend
[Mom's Friend] I would be essentially broke and homeless today. I'm
just glad that you have a secure job and future. You also have my
love.


[Final note: This is absolutely the last essay of the series; there
will be no more. For me, the project of setting out the liberal
environment of my early life has been a useful exercise. I've been
able to articulate, if mainly for myself, and also to the Terrific
Girl and to Mom and to you, the Meaning of Life. It has been
recommended to me that I edit the essays for further publication.
That's possible but unlikely in this decade. I wanted to finish what I
started, but I can't be taking on further projects. I'll watch the
hotmail address for a week or two for any comments and then abandon it
to its spam, viruses and inevitable implosion.

[Love and bye,
Carol]

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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