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Message-ID: <38989asstr$1035799803@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #12 - 27-Oct-2002
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 05:10:03 -0500
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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
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Story Summary:

My First Threesome -- HaRkOnIn
    (MFF)
    [5,5,5,5]

Jacob Wrestled an Angel -- Simon
    (MF, reluc [male], viol, magic, bibl)
    [10,9,10,10]

Tag -- Shon Richards 
    (M/F, Rules)
    [10,10,10,10]

Lonely As A Cloud -- Bradley Stoke 
    (MF) 
    [10,10,10,10]

Reviews:

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My First Threesome -- HaRkOnIn (MFF)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38827

Adam heads out to the local Safeway, and returns to find Mandy,
his fiancee, and his forty-seven year old roommate in bed together.
As he bursts in on them, Mandy invites him to join, and like any
red blooded male, he does.

This is a somewhat typical fantasy of a threesome surprise, and not
much more. It's written in a folksy, slangy style that actually
does provide some realism to the scenes, almost as if it were
written straight out of the author's stream of consciousness,
vernacular and all. Personally, I found it a little distracting,
but it was a unique method of presentation.

Unfortunately, the fantasy suffers various language problems beyond
the intentional slang:

[ But when I realized what bedroom the sounds were coming from 
  {(My bedroom)} I was pissed.  I thought to myself, "That {discusting}
  bitch is playing with herself on MY bed!" ]

Mostly typos -- "disgusting" would be a better way to spell it.
I'm not sure why the parentheses were necessary. Perhaps a re-write
of the sentence? When I realised that the sounds were issuing forth
from *my* bedroom, I was pissed.

[ ... was wearing her baithing suit. ]

Um, there is only one 'i' in 'bathing'. If this was a simple typo, I
could probably ignore it, but it wasn't the only time it was misspelled.

[ ... But actually, seeing my {fiance} naked on top of my roommate ... ]

Ignoring accents that don't show up particularly well in straight
ASCII text, the term for a female person engaged to be married is: 
fiancee. Ask any French-speaking person.

[ Mandy:  Take off your clothes{,} baby.

  Without hesitation, I did exactly what she said.  And I stepped closer
  to her once all my clothes were off of me. ]

First, I'm not sure why HaRkOnIn wanders into the script form for 
dialogue. HaRkOnIn mixes dialogue forms, and it only serves to distract. 
Why not simply use standard quotes? This isn't a script, is it?
Second, after a great deal of build-up explaining that he was disgusted 
by the roommate's hygiene, and didn't actually want to see his fiancee 
with another woman, and that he was shocked, pissed, and angry at the 
situation, he takes off his clothes without hesitation when Mandy merely
asks? I know he's male, but this stretches the limits of my belief without
further explanation.

[ ... ofcourse.  I wasn't like that.  I'm a {1} woman man. ]

'ofcourse' is two distinct words. Of course. So is 'incase'. In case you
were wondering. Also, it's usually better to spell simple numerals. In
this case, I'd probably go with: I'm a one-woman man. The subject of
the sentence as it stands is unclear. Is the narrator male or female?

This works as a fantasy exposition, and that's all HaRkOnIn was trying
for. He even warned me at the beginning. If you are into this kind
of thing, you'll like it, I think. For me, I'd need some text
clean up, and some consistency in the characters, perhaps a little
more focus. But that's probably just my Dragon nature.

Technical       :    5
Eros            :    5
Character/Plot  :    5
Crimson         :    5

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jacob Wrestled an Angel -- Simon
  (MF, reluc [male], viol, magic, bibl)

<not archived ASSTR>

Set in biblical times, Jacob sends his family from him. While he
tends his flock, an angel appears, naked, writing etched upon her,
insistent and close. This is not an angel that you might see
in Hollywood, but an angel intent on fulfilling prophecy, her voice
sounding like wasps under silk. Jacob fights the angel, but in the 
end, they couple, as required by a God that Jacob does not believe
in.

This is an interesting take and blends exceptionally well
with biblical entreaties. Simon has a knack for portraying a
scene, and even with the violence, and the reluctance of the
story, the tale comes across. Truthfully, I'm not quite sure what
to make of it, but I do know that it tells a story well.

[ And if {they} boy was frightened by the thought of jackals, so 
  much the better.  There was something out there -- not ... ]

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tag -- Shon Richards (M/F, Rules)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38858

"Tag, you're it."

Rings identify the players, and the properties of the jewellery determines 
who is the submissive and who is the master. To refuse an order means
forfeit of the game. And that's something that nobody ever does.

The tall black woman holds the ruby ring on a chain about her neck.
The plain ring graces the narrator's finger. A woman's bathroom,
and a sexy encounter later, and the rings are switched. And the
game rolls on.

This is a story about control, about games, about desire, about power. 
I liked it.

"Tag, you're it."

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lonely As A Cloud -- Bradley Stoke (MF) 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38892

Albert meets Hannah on the African savannah. Hannah has travelled
to Africa in an ill-fated attempt to defeat Writer's Block. You see,
Hannah writes Sex Poetry -- perhaps a little like you or I. Albert's
views suffer culture shock as Hannah reveals who she is, and
contrasts her life with his.

This story is a telling exposition of the cultural and societal
differences between Western and African civilisation. This isn't the
first time that Bradley has found meaning in opposing viewpoints,
exposing the fallacies and the differences between the cultures.
Indeed, this is much more than mere interracial sex.

[ You know, there are the obvious words like 'suck' and 'muck', but {not} 
  long you start resorting to words like 'duck'. And you know, I may be 
  broad-minded but I'm not as broad-minded as that. ]

While I love the obvious humour here, I think Bradley may have missed
a minor typo in proof-reading. It doesn't flow. Perhaps, "it isn't long 
before" or "not long after,"?

Overall, another meaningful, contrast exposition. Thanks, Brad.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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