index


Message-ID: <38798asstr$1034734202@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: cyan@protgp.com
Subject: {ASSM} Story: True Nature
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 2002 22:10:02 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

Hi all,

I hope you have enjoyed the stories I've posted so far:
*Any Time*, *Our Needs*, *Proper Result*, and *Totally Crazy*.
Here is yet another story.

Enjoy!

-Cy
http://cyan.protgp.com



True Nature
by Cyan
Copyright 2002 by Cyan

*I might be gay.*  I said the words once again in my mind as Steve
ordered coffee for both of us.  Could I reveal that little secret
that had been preying on me?  To Steve of all people?

You might think it strange that I'd chosen Steve to tell, being my
ex-boyfriend.  I'd started worrying about it after watching a movie.
It was just some sexy b-movie a guy had brought over and forgotten
to take, but it had this one scene that had gotten to me.  It was
a woman, by herself.  It showed her masturbating, first her whole
body, and she was pretty, then her face.  And it wasn't a quick
scene, it took its time, watching her for minutes on end until
she'd reached the moment, then returned to earth, so to speak.

I vaguely remember the first time I saw the scene, but the thing
was, the next night I decided to find the scene and watch it again.
Then I did it again, other nights and soon I realized I had sort
of an obsession and I can't say how many times I watched it.  No,
I didn't touch myself or anything, and for a long time it didn't
seem to be arousing me.  I did sometimes recall moments from the
scene, the pretty woman losing herself to sensation.  And finally,
I did start to feel the need to touch myself, and then came the
time I realized my hands had been "sneaking" over my body.

And that brought me up short.  I admitted my obsession to myself and
began to wonder what it meant.  And wondered who I could possibly
talk with about the whole thing.  I found myself afraid to watch
it again.

Theresa was no good.  How do you tell your best girlfriend that
you're wondering if you're lesbian?  Mom--impossible.  I found myself
wishing I'd had a sister yet wondered if that would have solved
my problem.  I guess it was inevitable that I should think of Steve.

You see, we'd managed the impossible.  We'd broken up amicably,
realizing we weren't right for each other, then stayed friends
afterwards.  We didn't hang out or anything other than seeing a
movie together a couple of times when we were both unattached,
but we were always there for each other and there were occasions
when it was really good having a guy you could trust to talk to
about a relationship problem.  And so there I was, but despite all,
I still wondered whether I had the nerve to say it.

The coffee came.  "So," said Steve in a questioning tone.  I realized
the small talk was through.

*I think I'm gay.*  I recited the words once again in my head,
still unable to voice them.  His face still looked questioning.
"This is hard," I said.

"Now you have me wondering," he said.  "Look, I can see you have
to get this out."

I took a deep breath.  "Do you think I could be lesbian?"

He smiled in genuine amusement.  Maybe I looked embarrassed or
something because he suddenly looked solicitous.  "I'm sorry,
but I'm guessing you've made up worries out of thin air again.
Tell me about it."

Well, he did look serious, and I certainly knew him to be
trustworthy, so I did as he said, briefly, but honest about the
way that scene had me captivated.  "You say it doesn't actually
arouse you?" he finally asked.  The one thing I had left out was the
feelings I'd started to notice and I guess knowing I'd kept quiet
about that made me mute at that moment.  "You're having trouble
telling me this, aren't you?" he said.

"I guess so."

Then he said, "Have you talked to Theresa?  This is probably a
better conversation to have with someone--female."

"That's the problem," I said, and explained.

He thought for a moment.  "Why don't you talk to Julia?"  Julia was
his current girlfriend.  Not that I saw her a lot and we certainly
got on all right, but there always had to be something a little
bit strange when I interacted with his girlfriends.  You can't
suppress every bit of the past.  "Really," he added.  "She's cool.
And she can be objective.  Yep, talking to Julia is definitely the
right thing to do."

I can't say the idea appealed to me.  Like I said, Steve and I were
friends and I got along with Julia all right but in the real world,
you really don't like to admit confusion to the woman who is dating
your ex.  But there was some sense to it too, and I had to admit,
there was something comfortable about talking to someone not quite
so close to your own life.

So it was the next night that I found myself in the same coffee shop,
facing Julia.  She listened patiently while I told my story, I'll
give her that.  And she never smiled at me.  "I think I understand
your confusion," she said.

I didn't answer, but soon wondered what I was looking for.  Would she
say something that would solve all my problems?  "So now what?" she
said, "Am I supposed to tell you whether you actually are lesbian?"

I smiled.  "I'm sorry," I said.

"Why don't I watch the scene?" she said.

***

Obviously I was careful not to touch myself.  I glanced at Julia a
couple of times but felt if I got caught that it might look weird.
She stared at the screen the whole time.  I shut it off and we
were both quiet for a minute, Julia still staring straight ahead.
"Well," she finally said, "that really was something."

She still stared at the empty screen, but finally turned to me.
"Does she look like your friend Theresa?" she asked.

"Theresa?"

"The friend you told me you were afraid to talk to."

I felt Julia was way off.  "No," I said.  "Well, they both have
brown hair.  But..."

"Do you have a picture of her?"

I thought about it.  No, I'd never imagined the woman was Theresa or
anything like that and I no, I wasn't sexually attracted to Theresa
and it seemed Julia was off on a tangent.  But I had asked Julia
for advice so I decided to go along with her and I found a snapshot
of me and Theresa.  Julia looked at it.  "Have I met her?" she said.

I seemed to recall some occasion when they'd both been around but as
I said, Julia and I didn't really hang out together or anything like
that.  Julia stared at the snapshot the whole time I was explaining.
"She's pretty," she finally said.  It was beginning to bother me.
I didn't know where her mind was going but it seemed way off.
Finally she looked up at me.  "Let's watch it one more time."

I was decidedly uncomfortable.  Yet it didn't seem too much to ask.
There was something about the *way* she'd suggested it though that
made me worry.  I got the remote and started running it backward.
"Maybe we could have something to drink first, a beer--or wine?"

"What?"  I was shocked.

"Well it's obvious you are getting all uptight about it all.
You need to relax."  To relax while I was watching the video?
She smiled.  "See?  You're way to worried about all this."

I found myself thinking fast.  This was all just a little bit weird.
"I don't think..."

Something in her face brought me up short.  It was as if I were
demonstrating exactly what she was talking about, whatever that is.
"Relax," she said.  "You've got some wine around, right?"

"Sure," I said, but I'm sure my voice had more questions than
answers.

"Good," she said and waited, obviously for me to get it.  And I gave
it up and went hunting for it, still completely unnerved by it all.
And wondering exactly what Julia thought.  She smiled when I returned
with glasses and a bottle.  "You look like it's your own funeral
we're preparing for," she said.  "You definitely need a drink."

She took the remote and started the tape once we'd each had a sip.
"Now *she* knows how to relax," she said as we watched.  The first
time, we'd both watched in total silence and the fact that she'd
actually say something unnerved me all the more.  The woman in
the movie began to run her hands up and down her body, over her
breasts.  Of course it was all so familiar, I knew each moment.
"Let's unbutton our blouses," said Julia.

I froze, momentarily unable to look her way.  Then I might have tried
to say something but no sound came out my mouth.  *What am I going to
do?* The woman's hands continued to roam her body.  I was so afraid,
afraid to look at Julia, afraid of what was going to happen next.
I cursed myself for getting myself into this mess.  The tape stopped,
abruptly, in the middle of the scene.  "Listen, you are just too
uptight, don't you see?" she said.  "You watched that scene a
hundred times and never touched yourself.  And instead of simply
relaxing, you obsess over what it means about your sexuality."
She'd moved closer, but somehow she'd managed to allay my fear.
She wasn't trying to seduce me after all.  "You really do need that
drink, just so you can chill out," she said.

"I'm sorry," I heard myself say, not quite sure what I'd be sorry
about.

"I think I better go for now," she said, standing and I stood to
follow her.  "We can talk another night," she added as she reached
the front door.  And before she left, she said, "Finish your wine
before you watch it again.  And don't be afraid to touch yourself
a little."

And she was gone.

I stared at the wine in my glass.  I supposed what she was saying
was that I shouldn't worry about it so much, just relax and enjoy it.
And maybe I'd be able to see, see whether I was lesbian or not.

It was definitely arousing.  The wine, the woman, my own touch.
My hand slipped into my underpants while I watched and I came,
while watching another woman.

It was the next day when I was talking to Theresa at lunch.  "So,"
she said, "you're worried you are lesbian and you didn't bother
to talk to me."  I stared at her open-mouthed as she gave me a
look of reproach.  "Julia told me," she added.  "Don't trust your
best friend?"

"I was afraid..."

"Of course you were."  She looked thoughtful.  "She told me you're
kind-of hung up on it all.  You think there's anything wrong with
being lesbian?"

"No!"

She thought a bit more.  "But somehow you're a lot more hung up
on it than I'd be.  Or Julia."  And with that she just stared into
space.  I wondered what she could be thinking about.  "Poor girl.
All worried over nothing," she said.  Theresa can be a little like
that on occasion, treating me like a child, but somehow when she
looked at me as if she would take care of me it did strike a chord.
I was glad I had Theresa to look up to even if my little secret had
been too much to tell her.  But I was still mortified, the whole
rest of our meal.  It was that day after work that I went straight
to Julia's.

"You told Theresa!" were the first words out of my mouth when she
opened her door.

She smiled and with a motion invited me in.  "I knew you were scared
for her to know, but it really isn't a big deal.  Theresa's a big
girl and not nearly as hung up as you."

"I trusted you," was all I could say.  Then, "When did you tell her?"
My curiosity had gotten the best of me because it was so soon after
I'd confessed to Julia.

"Right after I left last night, I looked her up.  Believe me,
she's perfectly fine with that sort of thing.  By the way, what's
the name of that video?"

I stared at her.  Something was wrong, I could feel it.  Something
about what she was saying to me and the way she was saying it.
Theresa was *my* friend and I had the sense that she and Julia,
well they'd certainly shared a conversation about me.  "Do you
remember it?" said Julia, still asking about the video.

*Why do you want the title of the video?*  The words rang in my
head though all I did was stare at her.  *What went on between
you and my friend Theresa?*  "Is something wrong?" said Julia,
looking totally innocent.  Or almost.

I still don't understand it.  I remember I was upset, and I think
I was angry.  One moment I was staring at her as she waited for me
to speak, to say anything, and the next moment she was pinned to
the wall and my tongue was in her mouth.

For a moment I'd won.  I could tell, she was shocked beyond belief,
and made not the slightest move to stop me.  Then somehow we were
merely kissing and I sensed I was no longer in control, that we were
merely sharing a kiss.  And I was asking myself *why?*  Why had I
done this?  What was it about the thought of Julia and Theresa that
had made me suddenly aggressive?  And what was I going to do now?
The kiss held me entranced and Julia's arms went around me and
somehow I knew I was no longer in control.  We must have kissed
for minutes.

Then she broke it off.  "Kiss my nipple," she said.

Somehow she'd gotten her blouse open and her bra off her breasts.
I bent down and obeyed.  The idea that I was kissing a woman's
nipple blew my mind but I certainly couldn't help myself.  "Kneel,"
she said.

I knelt.  She'd gotten her pants and underpants down.  "Kiss me,"
she said, and pressed my head to her sex.  I obeyed.  I kissed and
licked for minutes.  "You're both wonders," she said.

Finally she pushed me away and looked down at me.  I knelt before
her, her hands on my shoulders.  "You know what you're going to
do?" she asked.  I merely stared.  "You're going to fuck Steve."

***

I knelt in front of him, his cock in my mouth.  I was naked and
he wasn't.  They'd tied my hands behind me.  I simply sucked,
obediently, that cock I'd never put my lips to the whole time we
went out together.  I heard Julia on the telephone as I persevered.
Much later the doorbell rang and she got it.  Steve's hands held
my head when I heard someone coming in.  I wasn't to look, that
was obvious.

Steve wanted to sit and stopped to lead me toward a chair.  They were
gone, in some other part of the apartment.  He slipped off his pants
and underpants.  I knelt between his legs.  He held my head firmly.
He was in control and I made no move to fight his wants.  "Yep,"
he said, "talking to Julia was definitely the right thing to do."

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com> |
| FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html>  Moderator: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}|
|Archive at <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org>   Hosted by <http://www.asstr-mirror.org>      |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+