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Message-ID: <38760asstr$1034467802@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 12 Oct 2002 16:48:53 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} On Oral Sex
Date: Sat, 12 Oct 2002 20:10:02 -0400
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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"Thirteen-year-old Ashley Robinson began dating in fourth grade. At
first, 'it was movies, malls and making out' ... Last July, she
decided to try oral sex with a boy she'd been seeing for a month. 'We
did it to each other; it was fun. Now we do it at his house, my house,
everywhere. Oral sex rules!'

"Robinson and her friends are part of a horrifying trend."

-- Lisa Collier Cool, Ladies Home Journal, March 2001
<http://www.lhj.com/lhj/printableStory.jhtml?storyid=/templatedata/lhj/story/data/15093.xml>

No, Ms. Cool, it's hot a horrifying trend. It's a refreshing and
delightful honesty and progression, an escape from Victorian prudery
and hypocrisy, a head start and an assurance of a well-founded and
fully satisfying sex, family and social life as adults. Now that kids
know what puberty is they also know what to do with it.

 From the youngest of ages I could see adults and adolescents having
fun and having sex in our house. Oral sex was part of their passion,
and the way they began and ended their sex, and I grew up assuming
that every woman loved to have a penis in her mouth, either in
preparation for putting it in her vagina, or to collect and swallow
its semen-nectar, or to express love towards it after happy coitus.
Like many mainstream kids today, many teens and pre-teens around me
chose oral sex as the main act of lovemaking, but not so much because
they valued virginity particularly because virginity held no
particular value for us and, indeed, we saw it as a barrier not only
to adulthood but to adolescence. One of my earliest memories of Mom is
of her with her lover's penis in her mouth, taking it out of her
mouth, taking time from her sex to, acknowledge and to welcome my
presence as I came through her open door to play. When she saw I was
happy, she returned to kissing her man's penis and when he had
ejaculated in her mouth she showed me that both of them had found joy
in the act. This was no different from the lesson in love that The
16-Year-Old Boy and I passed on to the two children in the backyard,
and that they, in turn, put to use when they reached 11 years of age.

Notwithstanding hypocritical laws enacted by hypocritical legislators,
many of whom like nothing better than to receive a blow-job from a
spouse, mistress or, for all I know, a daughter, oral sex has always
been with us. But fellatio began to enter the mainstream with the
publication of "The Sensuous Woman" by J, and "Sex and the Office" by
Helen Gurley Brown, and ultimately by uncountable books, movies and
magazines. How-to manuals, videos, DVDs and Internet sites have become
the main medium for technology transfer. All follow the same theme:
that no boy or man can resist the agony and ecstasy of orgasm with
penis in mouth, and that the modern woman will both show her love for
her subject's penis by alternating her loving glances between penis
and the eyes of its owner and by happily receiving her man's
ejaculation into her mouth, savoring it, and then swallowing. This is
no less than what I have been doing since my twelfth year; and that
other women have to learn it from print and photographic and
electronic media suggests a defect in their sex education and in their
experience. It is the effect of an unfortunate and artificial
diffidence, shyness and inhibition in matters of nudity and sex born
of religious guilt and Victorian stupidity. As one parental-advice web
site says, "it's the offended parent who has a dilemma, not the child"
in such a situation.
<http://family.go.com/raisingkids/child/dev/expert/dony127faparentnude/dony127faparentnude.html>

Nudity is perfectly natural for kids: that's how they were born. In
most of the world families live, eat, are born, die and have sex in
one-room houses, and kids and their psyches are none the worse for it.
If their parents and members of their extended family have oral sex,
which doubtless they do, and if they ejaculate, which certainly they
do, it is in front of the children. Inasmuch as Bill Clinton's oral
sex affair with Monica Lewinsky has been replayed forever on prime
-time TV in front of the kids, it seems equally unlikely that the
modern American kid in unaware that fellatio is mainstream, and that
it is a legitimate means of advancement, of courting, of having fun.
The official adult view, of course, is negative, insisting on a
monopoly of sex for themselves; but most of the experts and many of
the parents have sought the publicity for the very reason of their own
ignorant childhood.
<http://www.parentsoup.com/teens/date/qas/0,12107,262575_435743,00.html>

They are the problem, not the solution to the problem: children who
grow up knowing that oral sex and vaginal sex are normal bodily and
emotional functions do not thereby attract emotional problems and
psychological complexes. And when you read stories about a 12 year-old
girl charged with raping her younger brother, that's a different
issue; indeed a multiply different issue since prosecutors often try
to bias judges and juries by trying cases in the press with false
leaks. <http://www.fathermag.com/news/rape/pontiac.shtml> That said, I
think incest and intergenerational child sex is repellant, and so does
everybody I know. So those who think differently may press the delete
buttons on their computers. As for 12 year-old girls engaging in oral
sex on a regular basis, press and professional journal articles, and
now HBO's program "Middle School Confessions"
<http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/eve/summer02ad77701.PDF>

As for oral sex technique, those who haven't learned by observation of
parents, elders and peers still have many opportunities for
instruction. Aside from the classic <http://www.oralsextips.com>,
google.com has a whole page of prepared references: one need only
follow the reference chain Adult > Society > Advice > Oral Sex >
Fellatio.

For me, the remarkable thing has always been that anyone could think
and assert that oral sex was not part and parcel of normal love,
romance and passion. Having seen the loving expression on the faces of
my Mom, the other women and the teen-aged girls in our house as they
fondled the penises of their boys and men, kissed them, licked them
and massaged them to orgasm with lips and tongue, it never occurred to
me that this was not something that every girl and woman, everywhere,
did as a part of the regular expression of her love, receiving in
return both the semen of her man and, in due course, her own climax.
To me, the drips of semen out of a girl's mouth were the evidence of a
job well done, the smile on her face and the glow in her eyes proof of
the pleasure and satisfaction to them both. Only later did I learn
that oral sex could be otherwise: abusive, bullying, unpleasant,
because I never saw that in our house.

Common nudity, of course, alters the atmosphere and the protocol.
There were no or few impediments to spontaneous sex and provocative
actions by us girls could easily lead to arousal of a boy under
circumstances where it was easier than not to have sex to defuse the
tension. But from my standpoint, I never had cause to regret
approaching my boy's erect penis, kissing it, doing it justice. I grew
up knowing ejaculation as the highest expression of pleasure and
reward and never had cause to think of semen other than sacred and
precious. I expected my boy to be equally solicitous of my vagina and
to be happy to bring me to climax with his tongue and his lips,
because I had been told forever that this was the most direct
expression of a boy's love, and a practical shortcut to a woman's
orgasm. That vaginal sex is a delight, but orgasm is facilitated with
oral foreplay and afterplay is something I knew as a bystander long
before I experienced it as fact.

I have written much in this series about oral sex and its attractions.
Moses David had, in his Mo Letters and his doctrine, written of
sexuality as a key route to spirituality. Sex was the embodiment of
Godly love and our sexual organs the instruments of earthly salvation.
Oral sex, our most intimate act, would be perhaps the highest form of
spiritualism and satisfaction. Our families had left the Children of
God, later to be called The Family, over various issues: not least
hypocrisy among Church leadership, arrogance and abuse of power by a
self-appointed elite, and a perceived perversion of doctrine. But as
we now know, that Church was far from the only one where male Church
rulers abused their position for self-gratification at the expense of
women and children.

Our families had not left the COG over its general approach to sex as
godliness and sex as means of bringing others to salvation. We --
which is to say our parents, since I and my cohort were born into the
environment and were still young -- accepted from experience the
validity of much of what Moses David had preached about children's
sexuality. They rejected any suggestion that there could be acceptable
sexual contact between adults and children or with any persons not of
equal power and authority. I know there is nothing wrong with sexual
play among children of equal age and capacity. And indeed sex,
especially oral sex, among pubescent teens is now mainstream; only the
Religious Right protests it with any real vehemence, and probably does
so with not a little hypocrisy and dirt on hands:
<http://www.nytimes.com/library/style/weekend/040200preteen-sex.html>

Of course a lot of what we think we know is anecdotal and local:
<http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/journals/3229800.html>

Whatever the statistical truth, nobody should seriously believe that
the clock could be turned back. The restraints, through fear, once
instilled in kids by keeping them in ignorance are nugatory. Kids are
no longer shy, no longer compelled by false modesty to conceal their
most sensitive parts. Children of ten know from television and from
the Internet the most intimate former-secrets of sex and the clinical
details of penis and vagina. In other ways, too, Moses David's
doctrine was overtaken by facts and: he had denounced birth control,
dismissed legal marriage in the absence of pregnancy and, in effect,
promoted promiscuity (two points of major disagreement on the part of
Mom and many others). While I made out all right, I have been told
that some of the so-called "Jesus babies" born of flirty-fishing
liaisons did not. And the problem of AIDS and of STDs generally in the
decade between Mom's departure from the COG after 1980 and David
Berg's death in 1994 put paid to many of his proclamations.

Nudism may not have been part of COG practice, but pride in body and
exhibitionist love were first nature to the breakaway COG members who
formed the communes and communities where Mom and her friends lived
and loved and raised their kids. Most of our relationships were with
members of other groups and former commune members. We thought that
the holiest expression of love and the most sacred manifestation of
godliness was to show family and friends the entire progression from
flirtation to caress to embrace to physical sex. For a girl or woman
to take penis in mouth showed her devotion not only to her male
partner but also to the God and nature that had created the urges to
do so. Mom, and Mom's Friend too, went further, and knowing the facts
of physical and emotional gender inequality demanded that the female
partner remain in charge. In practice that means that when it is
obvious that a boy wants me to take his penis into my body, he must
first bring me to a high state of sexual tension with his tongue in my
vagina. After, of course, working on my basic arousal: with
sensitivity and tact. I shall explain.

I wrote about the mission I undertook after I had my first real sex
experiences to embrace, to seduce, pubescent boys. I was re-creating
Mom's own flirty fishing. I would, as I did that time on the dock near
our houseboat, contrive a conversation with a boy of eleven or twelve
or thirteen. Usually an inexperienced boy would become trembly and
nervous, unsure of himself around a girl. In those days there were
still such boys. I would reassure him with a gesture. The gesture
would become a touch, the touch a caress. My breasts would approach
his eyes, my hand his penis. Somehow, in a minuet the boy could never
have predicted and probably would not remember in detail, his penis
would be in my mouth, my hands on his scrotum: he would be feeling
sensations he had never conceived of, passions arousing in him and
then, in the fullness of time, a wave of semen would rise through his
penis and flow into my mouth. He would see how I enjoyed it and this
would, perhaps, astonish him because of the disinformation he had been
given: that somehow oral sex is repellant, that swallowing semen is
the mark of a cheap woman. In fact the opposite is true. I read once,
in "The Official Sloane Ranger Handbook", that upwardly mobile English
women and girls were happily engaging in oral sex and talking about it
as early as the 1970s. None would have cheapened their love acts with
the term "blowjob". Nor would the writers of guides to female
sensuality, husband hunting and keeping company in America in the
1960s which assured girls and women that oral sex would endear their
target man to them forever. Of course competition, through the
generalized acceptance by girls of the worth of oral sex, may have
lessened the power of the act a marriage-making tool.

Quite apart from my childish exploits, based on physical needs and
wants and psychological games, as an older teen I taught myself to use
oral sex as a social tool. In Mom's Friend's house, nudity, if less
pervasive than in our first house, was common. It was a virtual
requirement in our sunny backyard and encouraged in our informal
basement. If a couple felt amorous, either as a result of their common
nudity or as a result of their common love, they would embrace,
caress, fondle and have sex. And they would be proud that others saw
their exchange. For a man or boy to have an incidental erection was
not at all a source of embarrassment but recognition of feeling, if
not sentiment and intent. This was occasionally unsettling to a new
visitor, but taken as normal by those who lived in our house and among
like-minded friends and visitors. I have recalled from my diary an
incident that occurred when I was 18 and a young boy of about 17 was
visiting. He was not a complete outsider; he had a certain COG
background. But aside from having been warned before his visit that
he'd encounter nudity -- with a significance greater than that of the
typical naturist practice -- he obviously hadn't thought through the
implications. He came out into the back yard clothed; but as his host
disrobed he felt uncomfortable dressed and -- someone hesitantly I
detected -- took off his T shirt, shorts and underpants. He was
disconcerted; I felt I could be helpful by chatting him up. But he
wasn't used to a nude young women talking to him of irrelevancies. His
penis became erect and he became flustered and somewhat incoherent of
speech. His erection had brought his penis to a tension that made me
uncomfortable watching. Noting his increasing anxiety and admiring
that erection glistening at its lovely round tip with just a drop of
seminal fluid, I felt a need to take a certain comforting initiative.
I put my hand on his shoulder. Then I moved over beside him, and my
hand was at his far hip, then on his buttock. And soon, most likely to
his great surprise, my other hand was feeling that taught penis, my
fingers circling it, my hand caressing it lightly up and down. When I
then fondled his scrotum it seemed to tickle him and he moved back a
step. I responded by falling to my knees to look more closely at the
source of his sensitivity. In a moment his penis was in my mouth and I
was loving it. I tasted that one drop of pre-cum and in running my
tongue and my lips over the glans and crown a glance at his face
showed me a certain calmness and assurance brought on in even the
early stages of a build-up to orgasm. Each stroke of my lips would
enhance his urge to receive another. I would stroke his penis
downwards and he would sigh and shiver. I would draw my mouth upwards
and in so doing tease his senses and move him another step along to
ecstasy. His penis would tense further, his whole body shiver in
anticipation of my next downward stroke. He would push his penis
forward to encourage me along. Meanwhile I could sense that his sight
of me, my breasts, my vulva, and most especially my mouth upon his
penis was itself a delight for him. Equally, the sight of his gorgeous
penis and his handsome body had been a source of arousal for me. I had
wanted to touch, to feel and to taste him, and now I was enjoying and
controlling him. The clear effect of my lovemaking upon his penis and
upon his face had a reciprocal effect on me. For his penis to stroke
my tongue was a fulfillment of my function as girl, as woman. His
penis had risen to meet me and now it depended upon me. And I imagined
that, when he had blossomed forth, ejaculated, he would express his
gratitude and his dependence on me by making love to my clitoris with
his mouth. When, finally, he ejaculated I kept his semen in my mouth
for a full minute to savor it. I rose up and swallowed his semen
before him as act of love and devotion and not only because I loved it
as liquid love. Standing before him I threw back my shoulders to
emphasize my breasts and to entice him. I tried to take his hand. But
if I had hoped that he would want to bring me, too, to climax, as it
happens he did not; he would not. He had surely been taught a certain
fear of women and of women's bodies that he apparently had yet to
overcome. I was still too young to assert myself with sufficient
dynamism and authority under the circumstances. I left disappointed.

That event taught me that it was important to know your partner and
your putative partner well. Unrequited oral sex is just another, more
obvious, example of the careless and uncaring sex partner who is to be
avoided, the arrogance and selfishness of some men. My incident in the
College shower years later was a more educated, calculated
risk-taking, with far happier results.
<http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37604>

After the event I have just described, and to this day, I normally
require a boy -- as I had when the 16-Year-Old Boy and I first met --
to kiss and love my vagina and my sex parts first, and that only after
proper preliminaries and a soft touch. When I have approached or
achieved orgasm I am happy, indeed eager, to have his penis in my
mouth or in my vagina. Once a boy has been my partner I will know
better what I can expect. In fact I like to bring him to orgasm and
full ejaculation in my mouth, then to have him reciprocate with his
tongue in my vagina, his lips at my most sensitive parts. I will, as
my orgasm approaches, caress and fondle his penis and it will become
hard again; then I will draw him up and his penis will enter my open
vagina and he will have another orgasm and we will be blissfully happy
together. We will relax; perhaps he will study and caress my breasts
and I will run my fingers once more over his moist and sticky penis,
perhaps kiss its head once again lightly. And I will love him for what
he has done for, to and with me. We will hold on to each other,
perhaps fall asleep clasping each other. I may be reassured in the
night by his hand on my breast, his hard penis at my back.

Of oral sex styles, the ultimate is mutual oral sex. I have written
about this too: girl on top and girl on bottom it is the holiest of
communions. In engaging in the reciprocal love of soixante-neuf one
emulates the greatest of love that can be expressed in religion, in
philosophy and in sexual psychology. It requires mutual devotion and
only works with selfless attention to one's partner's needs. I
remember the boy and girl -- not quite 12 years old -- who live still
in Mom's Friend's House and whom I saw just a few months ago sharing
mutual oral sex and so happy to show Mom and me what they had learned
to do to bring each other to bliss. The girl's angelic vagina, filled
at first with the boy's tongue and then, when she was ready and now
lying on the ground on her back, with his pubescent penis responding
to her excitement and filling him with joy, bringing them both to
orgasm. What a crime it is that religion and society should suppress
such feelings from such a young age, destroying the potential that
exists within virtually all youngsters, and leading, in so many cases,
to dysfunction, frustration and social/psychological problems. This I
know. Cases of abuse and pedophilia aside, and proper precautions from
a public-health standpoint aside, oral sex is the loveliest of
experiences at least from mid-puberty. And this is a discovery that
the American generation following mine -- if not my own cohort -- has
taken to heart. I am not supporting unwanted approaches and certainly
not sexual harassment. Boys (and some girls, too) must learn how to
read the most subtle negative messages. An urge never gives rise, on
its own, to license. But children who have not been excluded from
parental and sibling sex, from the visible testimony of their elders
that oral and vaginal sex is wholesome and healthy and supportive of
live and love and life's activity, know instinctively what is wanted
by the other and respond accordingly. Most girls, even from an early
age, really want to see, to feel, to love a penis. But only under the
right circumstances. They want this first from curiosity and then from
a search for satisfaction in all its aspects. They want it free from
fear and free from condemnation. But they want it in an environment of
respect and love and passion, never humiliation, arrogance,
selfishness.

I always knew that sex was an absolute need for boys, and that the
streaming of his semen meant the achievement of an ecstasy almost
beyond belief. A girl's passion and her orgasm are -- usually -- far
subtler. They are dependent not only upon her physical needs but her
psychological wants and for most girls the knowledge that the partner
whom she loves and whom she wants is through her reaching heights of
bliss makes her delightedly welcome his semen and contributes to her
own orgasm. Semen is the currency of love, but only when it is the
result of a proper act of love. Experts who claim that teen oral sex
derives from "low self-esteem"
<http://www.usatoday.com/community/chat/1116ponton.htm>
have their wires crossed: so long as the girl remains in control of
her own destiny and is neither abused nor coerced, she will have been
empowered by her knowledge, experience, love and enjoyment.

In this series of nine essays based on diaries I kept during my
childhood and college years, I tried to set out a political manifesto
based on my experience growing up among former members of the Children
of God and its communes who tried to keep to ideals that they had
envisioned when they had been attracted to David Berg's sect in the
1970s. Ideals that he himself either lost or never had or violated.
Intelligent and educated, COG members were largely middle class and
drawn to that same promise of egalitarianism and "Bible communism"
that had driven the early reformers at Oneida, New York in 1851
<http://www.frederica.com/orthodox/soneida.html>

For many, oral sex was an important part of egalitarianism: for if it
is true that half of women cannot readily reach orgasm vaginally, most
can do so through cunnilingus. Anyway, although they say that orgasm
is a "learned response" and that "it is common for younger women
(under 20 or so) to be pre-orgasmic",
<http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1277.html>
I'm not so sure about the accuracy of this since I've been having
quite nice orgasms since the age of 12, thank you very much. (A
google.com search under "cunnilingus + orgasm" should provide the
reader all she needs to know on along these lines.)

My aim was not to promote prurience but mature thought about the
philosophical issue of letting kids get on with what kids do best --
learning about themselves through experiment and experience. Coercion
-- of good kids at least -- is damaging, whether positive or negative,
by a person in loco parentis or a putative sex partner. Sadly there
are evil people too, and they also want sex. For purposes of my
manifesto evil persons do not count as "equals", and children and
women do need protection from them. But the best protection is proper
knowledge and foresight, and we end up in a circular argument. The COG
addressed sex issues in a generally positive way, through sex
education of children. Most religions would have parents suppress both
sex and sex education among their charges. That, I deride. But this
last paragraph should be enough to warn that anecdotal evidence and
biographical reports are scarcely justification for political
decision. All I can hope to do is to contribute to the dialog, to
attest that early sex has helped and not harmed me, and to hope that
laws not be cast in concrete based on a few outrageous incidents.

I will close this final submission with a couple of personal notes:
Mom is serene and stabilized, and Mom's Friend is taking good care of
her. I'm sure she will be OK for a couple of years. Life for me in the
Capital City has stabilized too: I love my job, and I love the people
I work with, and my social life is great. But, as predicted, I've gone
mainstream to the point that I don't nearly keep up with what girls
seem to expect in places such as this after watching a year or so of
Sex and the City. Remember, though, that I warned early on in this
series that any condensed biography based on highlights of more than
ten years of diary scratchings would be bound to leave the wrong
impression: that my teen years consisted of one sex incident after
another. Of course they didn't.

I'm sure I'll have a wonderful life. I hope you do too.

Love,
Carol

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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