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Message-ID: <37883asstr$1029456654@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Peaches and Cream  <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #15
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2002 20:10:54 -0400
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Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like
reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance
Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing
the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us
starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes
it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5
kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per
issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find
all the stories we will review. 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest

***

Peaches & Cream Reviews: #15

License my roving hands, and let them go
Before, behind, between, above, below.
--John Donne (c. 1572-1631), English divine, metaphysical poet.

Stories to be reviewed:

Eyes of the Beholder by Katie McN
First Meeting by Y. Lee Coyote
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Eyes of the Beholder by Katie McN
(FF, Rom, Exhib, Voy, Mast)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36929

***

Peaches:

The premise of this story is a woman lives in a high-rise apartment.
She watches people across the way with binoculars. The snapshots of
all the people she watches are what really capture my interest.
Unfortunately, they're over too soon, and completely forgotten, save
one, by story's end.

The narrator quickly focuses on a woman that goes from shy behind
curtains to naked with curtains wide open. The narrator watches, and
then mimics the woman's behavior until both women are satisfied. 

For me, that's where the story should end. That's where the climax
happens. It would have a bigger impact and leave the reader wanting
more. Instead it continues and just sort of peters out.

But the concept is wonderful. I give it 3 kisses.

***

Cream:

Peaches, I agree with you completely. The final paragraph is a big
let-down. The story seems to divide into three sections, those
snapshots you mention, much like in the Hitchcock film "Rear Window,"
the section in which the narrator hopes to get involved with one
particular other, and then the section in which the narrator and the
other do get involved.  The first two sections are handled with quite
a bit of story-telling skill. The final section starts out okay, but
then we have the line, "We talk some more." The essence of connection
is lost. "Don't talk, watch," I want at that moment. Three short
sentences later the narrator does watch, and by the end of this brief
scene, the story is nearly salvaged:

>We talk some more. She knows I watch her. 
>She knows I follow her. She knows what I like. 
>I watch her undress and I take my clothes off, 
>too. She touches herself and I explore my own 
>body. She moves closer to the window and
>masturbates standing so I can see her. We 
>orgasm together. It doesn't take long.


But then we get that final summary, again with the lead-in line, "We
talk some more."  What follows goes on too long and isn't fresh or
vital.  I'm not sure the story should end exactly where you say, with
"It doesn't take long," though ending it there wouldn't have been bad.
I think there is room for another sentence, something to show the new
situation.  Even, "We lived happily ever after," would have been
better.  Three kisses. An excellent start, a good middle, a
disappointing end. Part of me wonders if the writer felt she had to
make this a happy ending to satisfy the rom requirement, but her heart
wasn't quite in it.

***

Peaches:

Well, Cream, I think this is the first story we are in total agreement
on. I also agree there are sections in the ending that nearly get my
interest back to what was started--the visual of the two women
separated by buildings, sharing together window against window is
quite good, but as you say, there seemed to be a rush at the end to
tell the story and not show the action. 

***

Peaches: 3 kisses
Cream: 3 kisses
--------------------------------------------------------------------
First Meeting by Y. Lee Coyote
(Machine/bb, spank, rom)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36933

***

Cream:

This is sort of a bedtime story.  Grandpa Green tells his grandson how
he and Grandpa Blue met. Or at least I think so.  This is a confusing
story for me, partly because the author does not use any commas.  So
right away in the first sentence I'm confused:

>"How did you and Grandpa Blue meet Grandpa Green?" 
>asked the boy as they tucked him in.

It sure sounds to me that someone, the "you" being addressed, is being
asked how he (or she) and Grandpa Blue met Grandpa Green, but later I
decided that the sentence conventionally would read:  "How did you and
Grandpa Blue meet, Grandpa Green?"  There are a lot of other similarly
rough edges to the writing.  The boy being told this story is about to
enter the fifth grade, and the story is very much like one a fifth
grade schoolboy might tell, full of mischief and whimsy and mistakes.
Beyond that, I'm really not sure what to make of it. It's kind of fun,
kind of lighthearted, playful. If it's meant to be a puzzle, I can't
figure it out. Regardless, a neat little story world is created, one
in which schoolboys and their grandpas are a lot alike.

Two point five kisses.

***

Peaches:

I had the same problem with the beginning. My take on the rest of the
story is it takes place in the future or in some invented robotic
world. In the telling of the two grandpa's meeting we get to see how
two life-long companions started out. This is my favorite part of the
story. The men, as boys, become pals because of mutual respect, and a
shared secret. It's exactly the kind of thing that many successful
relationships are built on.

The author handled a male/ male relationship in a loving way. An
unusual thing! He gets 3 kisses from me for that.

***

Cream:

>So grandson, that is how your granddads meet 
>and we have been together every since. 

Well, there is certainly a charm in the telling. Is the "mangling"
meant to add to the flavor?  Whether it is intentional mangling or
not, it's done to good effect, and I enjoy it. Change the "meet" to
"met" and the "every" to "ever" and much of the cummingsness of it
gets lost. Having had it, I'd miss it.

***

Peaches: 3 kisses
Cream: 2.5 kisses

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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