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Message-ID: <37847asstr$1029280211@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Peaches and Cream  <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #13
Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 19:10:11 -0400
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Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like
reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance
Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing
the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us
starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes
it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5
kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per
issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find
all the stories we will review. 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be
overlooked.
--Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. screen actor

Peaches & Cream Reviews: #13

Stories to be reviewed:

Without You by shybabe
Still Together by Oosh

***

Without You by shybabe
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36994

Cream:

Mildly disconcerting at first, the "you" in this story soon becomes
clear (it's neither "me" nor the "you" of the title), and the other
little puzzles work themselves out along the way.  The writing is
pretty solid, the images are sound and interesting. I like the setting
and the tone, the characterization, the plot, the pace.  And I don't
think I mind overly the puzzles. So why can't I get excited about this
story?  A few too many sentences starting with "I"? Maybe the final
twist works a little at cross-purposes to the heart of the story.  The
mystery, though it's not an unfathomable mystery, and though it seems
well-handled, might be getting in the way of appreciating the things
along the way, diminishing the story by its very success. Misplaced
tension? I think I'm overstating my regrets; it just makes me uneasy
that I didn't like this story more. Four kisses.

***

Peaches:

I agree about the images in this story, there are many, and they're
fairly vivid. The plot is a good one, an emotional one, maybe a little
too emotional? I'm not sure about that. The thing I feel more strongly
about is there are too many puzzles for such a short story. The author
does a nice job of clearing up all the puzzles by end, but I still
felt a little bogged down in them. Who's the you? Who's the mistress?
Is it a dream or is she masturbating? Is he there are is it a
nightmare. The only thing that isn't a puzzle is her state of health.

I give it 3 kisses.

***

Cream:

I think we agree that the "puzzles" do get in the way of the romance.
I didn't see the sex dream as that puzzling, however.  It's a very
vivid sex dream, vivid enough so that for a moment he is there. Waking
is the nightmare.  I think it is sort of strange that the woman won't
leave this place, and it's interesting that she almost insists on
torturing herself.  But I do believe that people in her circumstance
are sometimes that way. Once the story is understood, it's a haunting
tale.

***

Peaches: 3 kisses
Cream: 4 kisses
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still Together by Oosh
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/oosh/www/stillto.html

Peaches:

This story is told from the POV of a woman remembering back to her
post-war neighborhood when she was seven or eight. The story is more
about two older women--"old girls" they're called, as seen through the
eyes of this young girl.

I conjured up every neighborhood from that era that I had seen in
movies, or on TV, or read in books. The imagery is perfectly
nostalgic. Nostalgia alone has an air of romance to it, but this story
goes beyond nostalgia. It hits the romantic chord of true, everlasting
love--the most romantic thing of all. There is no sex in this story.
It doesn't need it.

5 overwhelming romantic kisses

***

Cream:

This story is more than twice the length of the others we've looked at
so far, but it is charming and interesting and well-written enough
that were it two times longer yet I wouldn't complain.  There is so
much perfect detail so perfectly penned:

>I had the impression that you had to be Quite Someone 
>to engage her in conversation. It was like being able to 
>look directly at the sun. 

Just right for a child looking at the adult world.  But there is more
to this story than the fine voice and the great details: there is the
sense of the fabric and feeling of the community, the goodness which
comes out of chaos and order.  Life, in other words.  Life and death.
It's quite an achievement.

I'd like your reaction on two things I noticed, Peaches--two things
which almost seem to be omissions, or they hint at omission, or, well
...

>It seems she hadn't wanted to sleep in that bed alone.

What I find quite interesting about this is the assumption--almost
certainly correct, of course, but how would she know?--that the women
shared a bed.  This is from the memory of a young girl.  The
supposition slips into the girl's consciousness somehow.  Part of me
thinks this little girl suddenly knows too much, but it's important to
the story that she does.  I can see how it could happen. Something she
overheard, I imagine, but if so I want the words. Part of me wants
that snippet of understanding (or misunderstanding or partial
understanding) revealed.

The other thing concerns the last line:

>maybe one day I'll see them again, pottering among 
>the flowers

It's an excellent conclusion, an excellent image, but here's the
thing: the girl never actually saw them pottering among the flowers.
Or if she did, she didn't share that image with us.  So I'm wondering
if  she did or if she didn't, and if she did, why she didn't tell us
what that bit of "heaven on earth" was like. And if she didn't, why
she didn't make a point of letting us know that.  Maybe it's not a big
thing.  Yes, I can see two women pottering among the flowers.  But I
really want to see it through this narrator's eyes.

4.5 kisses from me.

***

Peaches:

There are numerous ways the young girl could have come to the
assumption about the woman sleeping alone in her bed--she could have
overheard adults speaking of it, for example. I also believe that in
the telling of a story from our past, it's easy to add feelings or
ideas that may have accumulated over the years in our memory. And I
don't think it's far-fetched at all to believe this girl could have
thought it just from her own feeling at the time. Maybe she shared a
bed with a sister, and knew what it was like to not want to sleep in a
bed alone. Whatever the author's reason, you're right that the thought
needs to be there. It's extremely pertinent to the storyline.

Your other concern about the gardens was hinted at if not completely
discussed. The young girl has fond memories of her father and his
garden, and the point is made about how all the gardens in the
neighborhood are maintained. From this we can assume that she saw at
least one of the "old girls" in their garden, at some point. But I
agree. Giving us another image of heaven by way of gardening would
certainly tie the ending up even better.

But neither of your concerns stuck in my mind enough to take away from
the romantic feel of this story. 

***

Peaches: 5 kisses
Cream: 4.5 kisses

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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