Message-ID: <37847asstr$1029280211@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: <nntp-bounce@supernews.net> X-Original-Path: news.supernews.com!not-for-mail From: Peaches and Cream <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com> X-Original-Message-ID: <f6hilu0cp6aijo9kscei2abhj1nk7f35h9@4ax.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 14:04:46 -0400 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #13 Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 19:10:11 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37847> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Story-Submission: <ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Moderator-ID: gill-bates, kelly Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5 kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find all the stories we will review. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked. --Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. screen actor Peaches & Cream Reviews: #13 Stories to be reviewed: Without You by shybabe Still Together by Oosh *** Without You by shybabe http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36994 Cream: Mildly disconcerting at first, the "you" in this story soon becomes clear (it's neither "me" nor the "you" of the title), and the other little puzzles work themselves out along the way. The writing is pretty solid, the images are sound and interesting. I like the setting and the tone, the characterization, the plot, the pace. And I don't think I mind overly the puzzles. So why can't I get excited about this story? A few too many sentences starting with "I"? Maybe the final twist works a little at cross-purposes to the heart of the story. The mystery, though it's not an unfathomable mystery, and though it seems well-handled, might be getting in the way of appreciating the things along the way, diminishing the story by its very success. Misplaced tension? I think I'm overstating my regrets; it just makes me uneasy that I didn't like this story more. Four kisses. *** Peaches: I agree about the images in this story, there are many, and they're fairly vivid. The plot is a good one, an emotional one, maybe a little too emotional? I'm not sure about that. The thing I feel more strongly about is there are too many puzzles for such a short story. The author does a nice job of clearing up all the puzzles by end, but I still felt a little bogged down in them. Who's the you? Who's the mistress? Is it a dream or is she masturbating? Is he there are is it a nightmare. The only thing that isn't a puzzle is her state of health. I give it 3 kisses. *** Cream: I think we agree that the "puzzles" do get in the way of the romance. I didn't see the sex dream as that puzzling, however. It's a very vivid sex dream, vivid enough so that for a moment he is there. Waking is the nightmare. I think it is sort of strange that the woman won't leave this place, and it's interesting that she almost insists on torturing herself. But I do believe that people in her circumstance are sometimes that way. Once the story is understood, it's a haunting tale. *** Peaches: 3 kisses Cream: 4 kisses ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Still Together by Oosh http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/oosh/www/stillto.html Peaches: This story is told from the POV of a woman remembering back to her post-war neighborhood when she was seven or eight. The story is more about two older women--"old girls" they're called, as seen through the eyes of this young girl. I conjured up every neighborhood from that era that I had seen in movies, or on TV, or read in books. The imagery is perfectly nostalgic. Nostalgia alone has an air of romance to it, but this story goes beyond nostalgia. It hits the romantic chord of true, everlasting love--the most romantic thing of all. There is no sex in this story. It doesn't need it. 5 overwhelming romantic kisses *** Cream: This story is more than twice the length of the others we've looked at so far, but it is charming and interesting and well-written enough that were it two times longer yet I wouldn't complain. There is so much perfect detail so perfectly penned: >I had the impression that you had to be Quite Someone >to engage her in conversation. It was like being able to >look directly at the sun. Just right for a child looking at the adult world. But there is more to this story than the fine voice and the great details: there is the sense of the fabric and feeling of the community, the goodness which comes out of chaos and order. Life, in other words. Life and death. It's quite an achievement. I'd like your reaction on two things I noticed, Peaches--two things which almost seem to be omissions, or they hint at omission, or, well ... >It seems she hadn't wanted to sleep in that bed alone. What I find quite interesting about this is the assumption--almost certainly correct, of course, but how would she know?--that the women shared a bed. This is from the memory of a young girl. The supposition slips into the girl's consciousness somehow. Part of me thinks this little girl suddenly knows too much, but it's important to the story that she does. I can see how it could happen. Something she overheard, I imagine, but if so I want the words. Part of me wants that snippet of understanding (or misunderstanding or partial understanding) revealed. The other thing concerns the last line: >maybe one day I'll see them again, pottering among >the flowers It's an excellent conclusion, an excellent image, but here's the thing: the girl never actually saw them pottering among the flowers. Or if she did, she didn't share that image with us. So I'm wondering if she did or if she didn't, and if she did, why she didn't tell us what that bit of "heaven on earth" was like. And if she didn't, why she didn't make a point of letting us know that. Maybe it's not a big thing. Yes, I can see two women pottering among the flowers. But I really want to see it through this narrator's eyes. 4.5 kisses from me. *** Peaches: There are numerous ways the young girl could have come to the assumption about the woman sleeping alone in her bed--she could have overheard adults speaking of it, for example. I also believe that in the telling of a story from our past, it's easy to add feelings or ideas that may have accumulated over the years in our memory. And I don't think it's far-fetched at all to believe this girl could have thought it just from her own feeling at the time. Maybe she shared a bed with a sister, and knew what it was like to not want to sleep in a bed alone. Whatever the author's reason, you're right that the thought needs to be there. It's extremely pertinent to the storyline. Your other concern about the gardens was hinted at if not completely discussed. The young girl has fond memories of her father and his garden, and the point is made about how all the gardens in the neighborhood are maintained. From this we can assume that she saw at least one of the "old girls" in their garden, at some point. But I agree. Giving us another image of heaven by way of gardening would certainly tie the ending up even better. But neither of your concerns stuck in my mind enough to take away from the romantic feel of this story. *** Peaches: 5 kisses Cream: 4.5 kisses -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com> | | FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html> Moderator: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org> Hosted by <http://www.asstr-mirror.org> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+