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Message-ID: <37670asstr$1028491803@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Peaches and Cream  <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews #4
Date: Sun,  4 Aug 2002 16:10:03 -0400
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Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like
reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance
Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing
the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us
starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes
it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5
kisses. We'll be posting a review a day until we finish the stories
that were submitted, beginning with the Flash stories.

There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find all the
stories we will review. 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest

Peaches & Cream Reviews #4

Coition is a slight attack of apoplexy
-- Democritus 400 B.C.

***

Discussion on Romance By Wandering Lanes
(no-sex)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36995


***

Peaches:

The author labels this as a discussion. I'd say it's more like an
essay. It questions the birth of romance and how it has evolved. And
that certainly is a question for discussion so I won't nitpick about
the title. But one thing is for certain, it's not a story, nor does it
pretend to be. It does have some great ideas about how romance might
have evolved, such as, "...was it romance that made the first fish
take to the land? Declaring to his love--'I'll do anything for you!'
and being told to take a walk!"

It goes on to theorize about romance possibilities through the ages
(skipping a century or so) but all in all, some very clever ideas.

Because it's not a story, it's difficult to rate it with kisses, but I
still give it a good, solid 3 multi-celled kisses.

***

Cream:

Tons of really good ideas in this essay.  I like the intended
organization, style, tone, and humor.  What I don't like is the lack
of polish. Rough writing really ruins the ride.  (Sorry, Peaches, I
was just testing that Sesame Street R Detector my kids left lying
around.) It's not just technical things and typos in "Discussion ..."
I'm complaining about. Consider this paragraph:

>Take the time machine back even further; when romance 
>was a heavy club, with which the cave man would hunt 
<his lover, in those days a headache was never a good 
 <argument for them.

Forget that the time machine comes out of nowhere, and forget the
questionable punctuation; it's the vague "for them" at the end that
really makes me stumble.  Too bad, because the passage is chocked full
of good stuff: I like the time machine; I love the heavy club
metaphor; and that headache/argument conclusion has amazing promise.
But it isn't quite fashioned properly, and that's a shame. The
paragraph needs to be restructured and rewritten. Dozens of other
passages in the essay have similar problems. With a little work this
could be exceptional. As it is I give it two kisses.

***

Peaches:
I see your point about the polish. I still like the fun of this,
though. If it were a serious essay, the grammar would be paramount to
making it work. But I think we both still enjoy it for what it is,
interesting ideas about the evolution of romance.

***

Peaches: 3 multi-celled kisses
Cream: 2 kisses

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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