Message-ID: <37602asstr$1028106604@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net> X-Original-Message-ID: <20020731032335.6046.qmail@nym.alias.net> From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net> X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 31 Jul 2002 03:23:35 -0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #3 - 30-Jul-2002 Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 05:10:04 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37602> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Story-Submission: <ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Moderator-ID: gill-bates, dennyw This normally isn't rented as advertising space, but since I did review a Kelly Adams story this week, I want to draw everyone's attention to the upcoming Sapphic Festival in early September. I might even be participating in it myself this time 'round. It's for a good cause -- what could be better than tons of FF stories? The only thing better than stories, well, I can't really advertise here, okay? If you want more information, or you simply like female-female stories, sashay on over to: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/sapphic/www/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the wind. - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Story Summary: First Time {Laura Lynn Davis} (F/F, mild ds) [8,9,7,8] Time in Life {Mary Cook} (FF, cons, rom) [7,9,7,8] Jezebels 1 {EZ Riter} (MF+, Rom, Cons, light bondage) [10,10,8,8] Fresh {Kelly Adams} (FF rom) [10,10,9,10] Impetuous {Mat Twassel} (MF, sexy tie story) [10,10,10,10] He Made Me Stop {Hammon Wry/E. Crowe} (poem) [not rated] Vials {Pendragon} (MF, mc) [9,10,10,10] A Midsummer Night's Fantasy {Ann Douglas} (MF) [9,10,10,9] Anatomy of an Orgasm {Pami} (MF, descriptive sex) [10,10,9,9] Tongue of Frog {celia batau} (fantasy) [10,10,10,10] Fascination {Souvie} (voy, erotic verse) [10,10,N/A,10] Quality and Quantity {Hammon Wry/E. Howe} (masturbation fantasy) [9,10,9,10] The Recording {Creampie Eater} (MF) [9,9,8,6] Reviews: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ First Time {Laura Lynn Davis} (F/F, mild ds) New to college, Laurie attends a party with her boyfriend. He gets drunk, and leaves her stranded. Enter Astrid, a tall dark-haired willowy girl, who offers Laurie a ride -- and a little bit more. Laurie is confused, but ends up naked and blindfolded, begging Astrid for her attentions on the side of the road. Personally, I liked the ending -- it lent the story a little more realism than the sex or the heroine's reactions to the situation. The ending is truly where we get to know Laurie. Technically, Laura Lynn makes a few errors, but overall, it doesn't impact too badly on the reading of the story. ["Be a good girl and do as your told."] When you mean 'you are', use the contractive form - "you're". I'm sure this was only a typo in Laura's case, she gets all the other contractions in the story correct, but nevertheless, it is a common error. I would have liked to see a little more character revealed for Laurie. She just kind of goes along with Astrid, with only minimal discussion of her situation. I ended up not quite knowing why Laurie did what she did. Details. Overall, though, a decent story. The setting, and the plot, and the sex are all there. Technical : 8 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 7 Crimson : 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Time in Life {Mary Cook} (FF, cons, rom) Sophie sits across from Kate in class, not knowing that Kate even exists. And so the story goes. This is a flowing romance, more than anything else, two girls discovering their feelings and finding one another. It's tender and its full of life's small victories and defeats, slow and sedate. There isn't any heavy sexual content here -- I kind of liked that. Life isn't always about pumping hydraulics. Simple kissing can be as erotic as more graphic descriptions. Depends on the story, and this story seemed to suit the more sedate and romantic pace of things. I didn't fully get a handle on Kate's character, and some of the peripheral characters, especially Sophie, I simply didn't quite understand. That doesn't make them less real, but it does leave one wondering what is going on in their heads, and I think for a story like this, one needs to understand. We need a little more background. I was left wondering what changed Sophie's mind, who June was, and how June fit into things. What was Kate's background? Where was she from? Where was she going? Why wasn't she more concerned about Sophie's choice? It doesn't impact on the story a great deal, but these are the things that flipped through my mind as I read it. Perhaps, I'm just strange that way. Overall, a slice of life type story, a glimpse into one girl's daily passage, and a decent one at that. A nice change from oversexed hydraulics. Technical : 7 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 7 Crimson : 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jezebels 1 {EZ Riter} (MF+, Rom, Cons, light bondage) Normally, I don't review parts of a multi-part post -- and had I realised that what I was reading was the first part of a multi-part story, I probably wouldn't have included it in my read list. But I've read it now, so I'll review it. But keep that in mind when you peruse the scores at the end. If this had been complete, then the scores might be much different. This review only encompasses the first part as posted by EZ. Jackson is a landscaper. Mary needs her plumbing fixed. No, not that plumbing -- the pipes in her backyard. Grrr. Anything I seem to write sounds like a cheap euphemism. Sigh. Anyway, this is the first part of a story that pits Jackson and Mary into a whirlwind of sex, and commentary on Jackson's outlooks on life, oh, and his prowess. You see, Mary has friends -- Becky and Monica -- and they all live together harmoniously, an extended family, if you will. And what do families do? Share and share alike? Jackson kind of falls into their lives, and you can probably imagine what will happen, eventually. Technically, I didn't see any issues with the language. EZ is a competent writer, and the text is clear and readable. The sex is certainly there, and characters are alive -- though I have to admit I approached this story with a little trepidation after reading the introductory paragraph. It begins with a rather vain self-description of the narrator, Jack. It is akin to the standard (and oh so compelling): "Hi, I'm Tiffany and I stand 5 foot 2, 110 pounds, and all of it woman. I wear a 40DDD bra, and the guys always say I'm pretty. I like to fuck!" And it was a surprise after the admittedly lighter male version of the above, the story actually moves on, and while there are aspects of Jack's self-absorption throughout, don't let the beginning fool you. The story underneath is far better than what you might expect out of our over-endowed Tiffany. It's merely a part of a character, I think. I do wish that I had a little better insight into Jackson and even the women's characters, but this is only the first part after all. Perhaps EZ gets into more details as it rolls along, explaining their sometimes unusual actions. We'll have to wait and find out, I suppose. (Editorial note : by the time this was posted, at least two more instalments of "Jezebels" were available. I didn't have time to review them, but someone else might want to.) Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 8 Crimson : 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fresh {Kelly Adams} (FF rom) You know, good produce is hard to find in January, isn't it? At least in the Northern Hemisphere. So, when Gretchen comes home with a surprise in an opaque grocery bag, hides it in the fridge, and then refuses to divulge its contents until later, it sets the stage for some anticipation, wouldn't you think? Kelly is an excellent writer. There aren't any problems with the prose, and the sex is certainly there, hot and graphic. I'll leave you to discover exactly what Gretchen brought home. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Impetuous {Mat Twassel} (MF, sexy tie story) Only Mat could possibly manage to make a funeral procession sexy. My hat is off to him, admiration his. Tom and Lisa are following a hearse in his Spider. They get to talking, and we get to know them both. The playful tone of the story, the offbeat dialogue work somehow. Technically, Mat writes a fluid tale and despite showing off his impressive vocabulary, it doesn't jar. Worse, we actually learn something about the language. And as far as I could tell, there wasn't a misplaced comma or misspelling to be seen. Drink it in, and enjoy. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ He Made Me Stop {Hammon Wry/E. Crowe} (poem) Hammon is a new writer to the newsgroup, as far as I can tell. I don't normally review poetry because it simply doesn't fit into the standard story rating schemes, and generally, I'm not a poetry appreciating Dragon. Nevertheless, I've read these poems, and while I cannot rate them beyond my personal appreciation of them in aggregation, they should be acknowledged here. Hammon's writing is wondrous, and raw, and evokes the primitive passions that reside in all of them. I understand that Hammon was a little sceptical about participating. We desperately need more of this calibre of writing. And I publicly wanted to say that. We can only hope that Hammon continues to grace us with lyrical words and thoughts. Read Hammon's poems, even if you don't normally like poems. They touch, they are wonderfully erotic. I'm not going to rate them, but suffice it to say, they deserve all tens in a different world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Vials {Pendragon} (MF, mc) Aphrodisiacs are a myth, right? Even Viagra ... well, does that really qualify? And does is really work on the female sex? What about strange vials of clear colourless substance? But, I digress. Sarah and Jason are dating. Jason, I think, wants a little more than Sarah does. But, Jason lives with a strange old woman, who whispers one night. Vials. Potent vials. Vials to change a young lady's mind -- lowers inhibition, and enhances suggestibility. Expensive vials. But how does Jason know if they work, if he's going to buy a batch? Five thousand cabbages ain't chicken scratch. A sample? Picked at random? A sample it is. I'll leave you to find out if Jason's devious plan works. Uther does a very good job in the telling of this tale. I loved it. There were a few issues with typos, mostly misplaced or dropped keystrokes: [ She was whimpering hut driving against him. ] I think that should have been 'but' -- 'h' is above the 'b' on the keyboard -- however, I'm not sure. Doesn't matter, really. These things are minor. They don't impact the story. Technical : 9 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Midsummer Night's Fantasy {Ann Douglas} (MF) Martin comes home to find Jennifer, his wife, cooking a special meal. That can only mean one thing. She wants something. The wine is the expensive kind, the meal his favourite. Of course, it might not be good news, either, Jennifer might have totalled the car again, but with any luck, it means something more ... erotic ... exotic. Jennifer wants something all right, and it isn't forgiveness for a wrecked car. It's unusual, and personally, given Jennifer's request, I think the meal was a mighty fine idea. Technically, the story is very well written. Ann is a wonderful writer. A few minor points I did notice: [ A noise from the kitchen caught his attention. Opening the door, she finally found Allison. ] Gender issues? Or merely a typo? That 'she' should have been a 'he'. I think we were talking about Martin here. Shrugs. Everyone slips. [ "Shall we adjoin to the bedroom?" she asked as she finally broke their embrace. ] This jarred me. I actually had to go look it up. I'm not entirely convinced that it is completely incorrect, but I really think Ann meant 'adjourn' here. Adjoin means to couple, or to join together. I can see it working, strangely enough, given the scenario, but I suspect she meant adjourn -- to move to another place. Anyway, don't take the technical critique seriously here. It's more for Ann's benefit that I even mention it. In this length of story, there is bound to be a few slips, and they really didn't detract from the story at all. The prose was remarkably readable, and clear. Ann is an excellent writer. While I had some disbelief issues with the story, I really think Ann did a remarkable job of presenting the scenario. Kudos, Ann. Technical : 9 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 9 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Anatomy of an Orgasm {Pami} (MF, descriptive sex) Pami knows what she's doing. In the prelude, Pami tells us that this is an attempt at a stroke story, that there isn't much in the way of character development. And she's right. This story is hot descriptions of a woman's flight into an afternoon of anonymous, mindless pleasure. But where Pami's wrong is that this story doesn't have character. It does -- even if it isn't a classic case of it. Our nameless narrator is hot, and wet, and tries to go to work anyway. At work, an abject failure, she decides to head home, and even though she knows that it perhaps makes her the sluttiest girl in creation, finds a way to satisfy herself. And satisfy herself. And satisfy herself. Make no mistake, this is a stroke story, and a hot one at that. Pami's style and attention to detail, both descriptive and technical, make up for any lack of heavy plot or character development. The fact is, this story has lighter versions of both, even if it isn't completely obvious. The only criticism that I can make is that I didn't see the need to switch perspectives near the end of the story. But that's Pami's prerogative as the writer. You won't see me giving many tens and nines to stroke fiction, in any categories -- not my style. But this one is an exception. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 9 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tongue of Frog {celia batau} (fantasy) Eila steps barefoot through the woods, to the secret place, to the pool. There, she kneels, and finds exactly what she is looking for. Celia has a beautiful descriptive sense, almost lyrical. I thought I was there. The entire piece floats before you, and transports you into fantasy. It is flawless, technically. No misspelling. No grammar issues. Only a story to get lost in. I can't claim to understand celia's mind, or this story, but I do know that it is completely worth reading. There is something touching beneath it all. Oh, to be the frog, instead of the Dragon. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fascination {Souvie} (voy, erotic verse) As I said before, I don't review poetry. Sigh. After reading Hammon's, I picked up "Fascination" by Souvie, without quite knowing what I was in for. Mr. Geisel is probably spinning, but I don't care. This flash poem is seriously funny, and while I'll never look at a Dr. Seuss book quite the same again, I think it was worth it. It's only 50 different words, or so, it doesn't take long to read. Enjoy. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : N/A Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quality and Quantity {Hammon Wry/E. Howe} (masturbation fantasy) Editorial Note: This wasn't posted under the above title but rather the more obscure: "My first erotic prose piece". Keep that in mind if you are looking for the story. Hammon has ventured into erotic prose, and I couldn't resist checking it out. Something I could actually review. Carter (are we talking about ER here?), examines a red-haired girl. And doctors might not be quite as immune to temptation as we might believe. Or want to believe. He drags out a magazine to fix things, but it isn't what he wants. Enter fantasy and her discarded gown. Hammon is an excellent writer -- both poetic and in prose. I noted a few typos, but they don't distract from the story. 'Though' instead of 'thought'. 'Cold' instead of 'could'. 'He's' instead of 'He'd'. [ Turning, she pulled it closed it behind her, and ... ] Simple things like that. Spell checkers sometimes aren't enough. And then the lyrical: [ ... sang her orgasm. It sounded wild, like coyotes on distant ridges under a harvest moon. ] You have to love that image. This seems to be part of a larger piece -- as Hammon readily admits in the prelude. The characters sometimes are a little tough to follow, but that is merely because of its placement. Again, this isn't a drawback for the story line. Technical : 9 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Recording {Creampie Eater} (MF) I have to admit that I approached this story with a little trepidation. It wasn't the title, and it wasn't the initial scan of the story. It was the pseudonym, and the implied fetish. Normally, I avoid reviewing stories that aren't going to touch my particular tastes -- it's unfair to the author, and unfair to the readers that do enjoy the fetish. However, I tried to keep an open mind, and since I did read it, I decided to review it. Creampie did seem to invite feedback. Keep this in mind when perusing the scores at the end, though. We are treated to an unusual scenario -- a woman listening to an audio recording -- French manicured fingers light upon the controls. The participants in the recording are anonymous, as is the lady with the nails. The sex is definitely hot, and seems to arouse our listener, as it does the reader. As implied by the pseudonym -- at least I assume that's what it's in reference to -- there is a fair concentration on consuming of ejaculate from female body parts. That's fair enough, but loses me in the Crimson scores -- I'm only being honest here. Dragons are only human after all. If you're into this particular fetish, though, I'm sure it is wonderfully erotic. And, there are enough other aspects of the story to maintain eroticism above and beyond the fetish. Overall, the story is well done, if not particularly deep. This is a stroke story, but better done than most. Technically, there were a few dropped punctuation marks, but not many, and not enough to distract. Technical : 9 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 8 Crimson : 6 -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com> | | FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html> Moderator: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org> Hosted by <http://www.asstr-mirror.org> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+