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Message-ID: <37602asstr$1028106604@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #3 - 30-Jul-2002
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 05:10:04 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

This normally isn't rented as advertising space, but since
I did review a Kelly Adams story this week, I want to draw everyone's
attention to the upcoming Sapphic Festival in early September. I might 
even be participating in it myself this time 'round. It's for a 
good cause -- what could be better than tons of FF stories? The only
thing better than stories, well, I can't really advertise here,
okay?

If you want more information, or you simply like female-female stories,
sashay on over to:

  http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/sapphic/www/


------------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Story Summary:


First Time {Laura Lynn Davis} (F/F, mild ds)  [8,9,7,8]

Time in Life {Mary Cook} (FF, cons, rom) [7,9,7,8]

Jezebels 1 {EZ Riter} (MF+, Rom, Cons, light bondage) [10,10,8,8]

Fresh {Kelly Adams} (FF rom) [10,10,9,10]

Impetuous {Mat Twassel} (MF, sexy tie story) [10,10,10,10]

He Made Me Stop {Hammon Wry/E. Crowe} (poem) [not rated]

Vials {Pendragon} (MF, mc) [9,10,10,10]

A Midsummer Night's Fantasy {Ann Douglas} (MF) [9,10,10,9]

Anatomy of an Orgasm {Pami} (MF, descriptive sex) [10,10,9,9]

Tongue of Frog {celia batau} (fantasy) [10,10,10,10]

Fascination {Souvie} (voy, erotic verse) [10,10,N/A,10]

Quality and Quantity {Hammon Wry/E. Howe} 
    (masturbation fantasy) [9,10,9,10]

The Recording {Creampie Eater} (MF) [9,9,8,6]


Reviews:

------------------------------------------------------------------------
First Time {Laura Lynn Davis} (F/F, mild ds)

New to college, Laurie attends a party with her boyfriend.
He gets drunk, and leaves her stranded. Enter Astrid, a tall
dark-haired willowy girl, who offers Laurie a ride -- and a little 
bit more. Laurie is confused, but ends up naked and blindfolded,
begging Astrid for her attentions on the side of the road.

Personally, I liked the ending -- it lent the story a little
more realism than the sex or the heroine's reactions to the
situation. The ending is truly where we get to know Laurie.

Technically, Laura Lynn makes a few errors, but overall, it doesn't
impact too badly on the reading of the story.

["Be a good girl and do as your told."]

When you mean 'you are', use the contractive form - "you're". I'm 
sure this was only a typo in Laura's case, she gets all the other
contractions in the story correct, but nevertheless, it is a common 
error.

I would have liked to see a little more character revealed
for Laurie. She just kind of goes along with Astrid, with only
minimal discussion of her situation. I ended up not quite knowing
why Laurie did what she did. Details.

Overall, though, a decent story. The setting, and the plot,
and the sex are all there.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    8


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Time in Life {Mary Cook} (FF, cons, rom)

Sophie sits across from Kate in class, not knowing that Kate
even exists. And so the story goes. This is a flowing romance,
more than anything else, two girls discovering their feelings
and finding one another. It's tender and its full of life's
small victories and defeats, slow and sedate.

There isn't any heavy sexual content here -- I kind of liked
that. Life isn't always about pumping hydraulics. Simple kissing 
can be as erotic as more graphic descriptions. Depends on the story, 
and this story seemed to suit the more sedate and romantic pace of 
things.

I didn't fully get a handle on Kate's character, and some of
the peripheral characters, especially Sophie, I simply didn't
quite understand. That doesn't make them less real, but it
does leave one wondering what is going on in their heads, and
I think for a story like this, one needs to understand. We
need a little more background. I was left wondering what changed
Sophie's mind, who June was, and how June fit into things.
What was Kate's background? Where was she from? Where was she
going? Why wasn't she more concerned about Sophie's choice? 
It doesn't impact on the story a great deal, but these are 
the things that flipped through my mind as I read it. Perhaps, 
I'm just strange that way.

Overall, a slice of life type story, a glimpse into one girl's
daily passage, and a decent one at that. A nice change from
oversexed hydraulics.

Technical       :    7
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    8


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jezebels 1 {EZ Riter} (MF+, Rom, Cons, light bondage)

Normally, I don't review parts of a multi-part post -- and had
I realised that what I was reading was the first part of a
multi-part story, I probably wouldn't have included it in my
read list. But I've read it now, so I'll review it. But keep
that in mind when you peruse the scores at the end. If this
had been complete, then the scores might be much different.
This review only encompasses the first part as posted by EZ.

Jackson is a landscaper. Mary needs her plumbing fixed. No,
not that plumbing -- the pipes in her backyard. Grrr. Anything
I seem to write sounds like a cheap euphemism. Sigh.

Anyway, this is the first part of a story that pits Jackson
and Mary into a whirlwind of sex, and commentary on Jackson's
outlooks on life, oh, and his prowess. You see, Mary has friends -- 
Becky and Monica -- and they all live together harmoniously, an
extended family, if you will. And what do families do? Share and
share alike? Jackson kind of falls into their lives, and you can 
probably imagine what will happen, eventually.

Technically, I didn't see any issues with the language. EZ is
a competent writer, and the text is clear and readable.

The sex is certainly there, and characters are alive -- though I
have to admit I approached this story with a little trepidation
after reading the introductory paragraph. It begins with a rather 
vain self-description of the narrator, Jack. It is akin to the 
standard (and oh so compelling):

"Hi, I'm Tiffany and I stand 5 foot 2, 110 pounds, and all of
 it woman. I wear a 40DDD bra, and the guys always say I'm
 pretty. I like to fuck!"

And it was a surprise after the admittedly lighter male version 
of the above, the story actually moves on, and while there are
aspects of Jack's self-absorption throughout, don't let the beginning 
fool you. The story underneath is far better than what you might expect 
out of our over-endowed Tiffany. It's merely a part of a character, I 
think.

I do wish that I had a little better insight into Jackson
and even the women's characters, but this is only the first part
after all. Perhaps EZ gets into more details as it rolls along,
explaining their sometimes unusual actions. We'll have to wait 
and find out, I suppose.

(Editorial note : by the time this was posted, at least two more
 instalments of "Jezebels" were available. I didn't have time to
 review them, but someone else might want to.)

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    8


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fresh {Kelly Adams} (FF rom)

You know, good produce is hard to find in January, isn't it?
At least in the Northern Hemisphere. So, when Gretchen comes home 
with a surprise in an opaque grocery bag, hides it in the fridge, 
and then refuses to divulge its contents until later, it sets the 
stage for some anticipation, wouldn't you think?

Kelly is an excellent writer. There aren't any problems with
the prose, and the sex is certainly there, hot and graphic.

I'll leave you to discover exactly what Gretchen brought home.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Impetuous {Mat Twassel} (MF, sexy tie story)

Only Mat could possibly manage to make a funeral procession
sexy. My hat is off to him, admiration his.

Tom and Lisa are following a hearse in his Spider. They get
to talking, and we get to know them both. The playful tone
of the story, the offbeat dialogue work somehow.

Technically, Mat writes a fluid tale and despite showing off
his impressive vocabulary, it doesn't jar. Worse, we actually
learn something about the language. And as far as I could tell, 
there wasn't a misplaced comma or misspelling to be seen. Drink it 
in, and enjoy.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
He Made Me Stop {Hammon Wry/E. Crowe} (poem) 

Hammon is a new writer to the newsgroup, as far as I can tell.
I don't normally review poetry because it simply doesn't fit into
the standard story rating schemes, and generally, I'm not a poetry 
appreciating Dragon. Nevertheless, I've read these poems, and while I 
cannot rate them beyond my personal appreciation of them in aggregation, 
they should be acknowledged here.

Hammon's writing is wondrous, and raw, and evokes the primitive
passions that reside in all of them. I understand that Hammon was a
little sceptical about participating. We desperately need more
of this calibre of writing. And I publicly wanted to say that.
We can only hope that Hammon continues to grace us with lyrical
words and thoughts.

Read Hammon's poems, even if you don't normally like poems.
They touch, they are wonderfully erotic.

I'm not going to rate them, but suffice it to say, they deserve
all tens in a different world.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vials {Pendragon} (MF, mc)

Aphrodisiacs are a myth, right? Even Viagra ... well, does that
really qualify? And does is really work on the female sex?
What about strange vials of clear colourless substance? But, I 
digress.

Sarah and Jason are dating. Jason, I think, wants a little more
than Sarah does. But, Jason lives with a strange old woman, who
whispers one night. Vials. Potent vials. Vials to change a young
lady's mind -- lowers inhibition, and enhances suggestibility. 
Expensive vials.

But how does Jason know if they work, if he's going to buy a
batch? Five thousand cabbages ain't chicken scratch. A sample? 
Picked at random? A sample it is.

I'll leave you to find out if Jason's devious plan works.

Uther does a very good job in the telling of this tale. I loved
it. There were a few issues with typos, mostly misplaced or
dropped keystrokes:

[ She was whimpering hut driving against him. ]

I think that should have been 'but' -- 'h' is above the 'b' on the
keyboard -- however, I'm not sure. Doesn't matter, really. These 
things are minor. They don't impact the story. 

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Midsummer Night's Fantasy {Ann Douglas} (MF)

Martin comes home to find Jennifer, his wife, cooking a
special meal. That can only mean one thing. She wants
something. The wine is the expensive kind, the meal his
favourite. Of course, it might not be good news, either, Jennifer
might have totalled the car again, but with any luck, it means 
something more ... erotic ... exotic.

Jennifer wants something all right, and it isn't forgiveness
for a wrecked car. It's unusual, and personally, given Jennifer's
request, I think the meal was a mighty fine idea.

Technically, the story is very well written. Ann is a wonderful
writer.

A few minor points I did notice:

[ A noise from the kitchen caught his attention.  Opening the
  door, she finally found Allison. ]

Gender issues? Or merely a typo? That 'she' should have been a
'he'. I think we were talking about Martin here. Shrugs. Everyone 
slips.

[ "Shall we adjoin to the bedroom?"  she asked as she finally
  broke their embrace. ]

This jarred me. I actually had to go look it up. I'm not entirely
convinced that it is completely incorrect, but I really think
Ann meant 'adjourn' here. Adjoin means to couple, or to join
together. I can see it working, strangely enough, given the scenario,
but I suspect she meant adjourn -- to move to another place.

Anyway, don't take the technical critique seriously here. It's
more for Ann's benefit that I even mention it. In this length
of story, there is bound to be a few slips, and they really
didn't detract from the story at all. The prose was remarkably
readable, and clear. Ann is an excellent writer.

While I had some disbelief issues with the story, I really
think Ann did a remarkable job of presenting the scenario.
Kudos, Ann.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anatomy of an Orgasm {Pami} (MF, descriptive sex)

Pami knows what she's doing. In the prelude, Pami tells us that
this is an attempt at a stroke story, that there isn't much in
the way of character development. And she's right. This story is
hot descriptions of a woman's flight into an afternoon of anonymous,
mindless pleasure. But where Pami's wrong is that this story
doesn't have character. It does -- even if it isn't a classic
case of it.

Our nameless narrator is hot, and wet, and tries to go to
work anyway. At work, an abject failure, she decides to head home, 
and even though she knows that it perhaps makes her the sluttiest 
girl in creation, finds a way to satisfy herself. And satisfy 
herself. And satisfy herself.

Make no mistake, this is a stroke story, and a hot one at that.
Pami's style and attention to detail, both descriptive and technical,
make up for any lack of heavy plot or character development. The
fact is, this story has lighter versions of both, even if it isn't 
completely obvious.

The only criticism that I can make is that I didn't see the need
to switch perspectives near the end of the story. But that's
Pami's prerogative as the writer. 

You won't see me giving many tens and nines to stroke fiction, in 
any categories -- not my style. But this one is an exception.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tongue of Frog {celia batau} (fantasy)

Eila steps barefoot through the woods, to the secret place, to
the pool. There, she kneels, and finds exactly what she is
looking for.

Celia has a beautiful descriptive sense, almost lyrical. I thought 
I was there. The entire piece floats before you, and transports you 
into fantasy. It is flawless, technically. No misspelling. No grammar
issues. Only a story to get lost in.

I can't claim to understand celia's mind, or this story, but
I do know that it is completely worth reading. There is something
touching beneath it all. Oh, to be the frog, instead of the Dragon.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fascination {Souvie} (voy, erotic verse)

As I said before, I don't review poetry. Sigh. After reading
Hammon's, I picked up "Fascination" by Souvie, without quite
knowing what I was in for. Mr. Geisel is probably spinning,
but I don't care. This flash poem is seriously funny, and
while I'll never look at a Dr. Seuss book quite the same
again, I think it was worth it.

It's only 50 different words, or so, it doesn't take long to read.
Enjoy.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :  N/A
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quality and Quantity {Hammon Wry/E. Howe} (masturbation fantasy)

Editorial Note: This wasn't posted under the above title but
                rather the more obscure: "My first erotic prose piece".
                Keep that in mind if you are looking for the story.

Hammon has ventured into erotic prose, and I couldn't resist
checking it out. Something I could actually review.

Carter (are we talking about ER here?), examines a red-haired
girl. And doctors might not be quite as immune to temptation as
we might believe. Or want to believe. He drags out a magazine
to fix things, but it isn't what he wants. Enter fantasy and
her discarded gown.

Hammon is an excellent writer -- both poetic and in prose.
I noted a few typos, but they don't distract from the story.

'Though' instead of 'thought'. 'Cold' instead of 'could'. 
'He's' instead of 'He'd'. 

[ Turning, she pulled it closed it behind her, and ... ]

Simple things like that. Spell checkers sometimes aren't enough.

And then the lyrical:

[ ... sang her orgasm.  It sounded wild, like
  coyotes on distant ridges under a harvest moon. ]

You have to love that image.

This seems to be part of a larger piece -- as Hammon readily
admits in the prelude. The characters sometimes are a little
tough to follow, but that is merely because of its placement.
Again, this isn't a drawback for the story line.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10


------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Recording {Creampie Eater} (MF)

I have to admit that I approached this story with a little
trepidation. It wasn't the title, and it wasn't the initial
scan of the story. It was the pseudonym, and the implied fetish.
Normally, I avoid reviewing stories that aren't going to
touch my particular tastes -- it's unfair to the author, and
unfair to the readers that do enjoy the fetish. However, I
tried to keep an open mind, and since I did read it, I decided to
review it. Creampie did seem to invite feedback. Keep this in mind 
when perusing the scores at the end, though.

We are treated to an unusual scenario -- a woman listening to
an audio recording -- French manicured fingers light upon the
controls. The participants in the recording are anonymous,
as is the lady with the nails. The sex is definitely hot,
and seems to arouse our listener, as it does the reader.
As implied by the pseudonym -- at least I assume that's what it's
in reference to -- there is a fair concentration on consuming 
of ejaculate from female body parts. That's fair enough, but loses 
me in the Crimson scores -- I'm only being honest here. Dragons are 
only human after all. If you're into this particular fetish, though, 
I'm sure it is wonderfully erotic. And, there are enough other aspects 
of the story to maintain eroticism above and beyond the fetish.

Overall, the story is well done, if not particularly deep.
This is a stroke story, but better done than most.

Technically, there were a few dropped punctuation marks,
but not many, and not enough to distract.


Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    6

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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