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Message-ID: <36552asstr$1021972207@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: HarryBerg01@aol.com
Subject: {ASSM} Celtics Pride
Date: Tue, 21 May 2002 05:10:07 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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<1st attachment, "Celtics Pride.doc" begin>



   Celtics Pride (M/F, F/F, BDSM, Humiliation, Torture, Scat, Humor)





   If under 18, you should skip this and go find something else to read. 
If you are over 18 and/or legal age in your place of residence, read and
enjoy.  Please direct any

   Comments to HarryBerg01@aol.com





   ************************************************************************





   Leslie was upstairs furiously getting ready.  Her two maids, Greta and
Hilda were fussing with her hair and makeup.  Leslie should have been
downstairs greeting each guest as they arrived.  Proper behavior was a
Warren family tradition.  Guests arriving and being met by a social
secretary, regardless of how beautiful Rosamond was, instead of the hostess
would have scandalized her father if he were still alive.  It was Leslie's
annual spring party at the Warren mansion in Chestnut Hill.  Everybody who
was anybody in Boston society would be there.



   Of course, it was entirely the fault of that animal, Paul Walker. 
Ninety minutes ago, she had been fully dressed and ready to go downstairs
and check on final preparations for her party.  As Hilda finished styling
her hair, Leslie thought about the previous hour and a half.  It began with
a near hysterical Rosamond calling on a house phone.



   "Ms.  Warren, I'm sorry to disturb you but Paul Walker is here.  He
insists on seeing you." Said Rosamond in a voice obviously trying to deal
with a combination of pain and fear.



   "Are you all right, Rosamond?  You sound as if something is very wrong?
How did Mr.  Walker get in the gate?" asked Leslie concerned that her
Social Secretary seemed to struggling with somebody.



   "Mr.  Walker is holding me.  He must have climbed over the fence.  Sean
is here and he is threatening to shoot Mr.  Walker if he doesn't let me
go." Said Rosamond.



   "Tell Sean to remain calm.  He can only shoot Mr.  Walker if he really
hurts you.  What does Mr.  Walker want?" asked Leslie.  Leslie then heard
Rosamond announce, "Sean, Ms.  Warren said to remain calm and not shoot
unless you have to.  " Then she heard Sean reply, "If that bastard hurts
you, I'm going to give him a six pack".  Leslie understood that Sean as a
former member of the IRA and now her personal security consultant was
referring to the IRA practice of using six bullets to shoot someone in
their ankles, knees, and elbows, effectively crippling them for life. 
Leslie thought to herself that would certainly end Paul Walker's NBA
career. Leslie also knew that Sean had a thing for Rosamond and would not
hesitate for one minute to cripple Paul Walker.  Even worse for Paul
Walker, Sean was a soccer fan.  To Leslie, having one of the NBA's rising
stars permanently disabled in her house would to say the least be awkward.



   "Mr.  Walker wants to talk to you," said Rosamond



   "Sweetness, I need you to do that thing with your feet.  I got to
thinking about it this afternoon and I just got to have it one more time,"
said Paul who must have taken the phone away from Rosamond.



   "Paul, please let Rosamond go.  Do not hurt her.  I am having a party
here tonight and guests will start to arrive in less than a half hour.  For
everyone's sake, please let Rosamond go and leave." Said Leslie



   "Not till you do that thing with your feet.  I got to have it one more
time.  I'm not leaving until I get it.  I'm not hurting your girl here. 
Your girl here reminds me of my sister's Barbie doll.  She's got long
blonde hair and nice big titties just like a Barbie doll.  I got her in my
bowling ball grip, two fingers in her coochie and my thumb in her ass, but
she's all right.  Aren't you Barbie?" Said Paul.



   My God thought Leslie.  A time challenged guest could arrive any minute
and find the Celtics' newest star and hope for a franchise player in my
foyer with his hand in my Social Secretary's cunt.  That is unless Sean
shoots him first.  Leslie made a decision.



   "Paul, I'll do what you want.  In fact the thought of doing it again
gets my pussy wet.  Give the telephone back to Rosamond." Said Leslie



   "Rosamond, bring Paul up to my room.  I'll handle this." Said Leslie



   "I'm going to carry your Barbie girl here because I don't trust your
man. I think he wants to shoot me," Said Paul who had apparently taken the
telephone back.



   Leslie put down the telephone.  "Hilda take this and get behind the
door." Said Leslie as she handed Hilda a small baseball bat that Sean had
insisted she keep for security reasons.  Leslie was afraid of guns and the
bat had been the only weapon she would allow Sean to put in her bedroom.



   "Listen, Hilda and Greta, in a few seconds, Paul Walker, the seven foot
three inch center for the Celtics will walk through that door.  He will
have Rosamond with him.  I think he is drunk or on something but he is
definitely out of his head.  When he comes through that door, I am going to
do something that will make him let Rosamond go.  Then Hilda you hit him
from behind and try to stun him not knock his brains out.  Greta, I need to
get naked so help me take this dress off." Said Leslie



   "Seconds later, the door opened and there was Paul Walker, high on
liquor and cocaine, with Rosamond cradled in his arms.  Paul's head almost
reached to top of the doorframe and his body completely filled the opening.
The top of Rosamond's dress was pulled down revealing her beautiful breasts
and Paul's hand was embedded in Rosamond's pussy.  His fingers were inside
both her holes and she was squirming in pain



   Leslie was totally naked and started to slowly walk toward Paul.  Paul's
eyes immediately went down to her feet.  He allowed Rosamond to slip from
his grasp.  He stumbled toward Leslie with his eyes focused on the floor.
He reached out his giant arms to take her but Leslie, at the last second
lashed out with her foot to land a vicious kick on Paul's gonads.  As Paul
began to double over, Hilda landed the bat on the back of Paul's head. 
Everyone scattered as Paul's seven-foot body fell to the ground with a loud
thud.



   Leslie immediately grabbed Paul's wrist to confirm his pulse was still
beating.  Sean entered the room gun in hand and helped Rosamond to her
feet.



   "Rosamond, are you all right?" asked Leslie



   "I believe so, Ms.  Warren.  My butt's a little sore.  Anal hurts if you
don't use a lubricant.  My dress is torn.  I will need to change before the
guests start to arrive." Said Rosamond.



   "What do you want me to do with him?" asked Sean gesturing toward the
prone body lying on the floor.



   "I have plans for Mr.  Paul Walker.  Help us get him up on the bed. 
Sean, see Rosamond to her room.  Rosamond, you need to pull yourself
together, change in something else, and greet my guests as they arrive.  I
am going to be busy up here for a while.  Greta, you and Hilda get the
chains out of the bureau, the ones we use for play, and let's get our
uninvited guest completely immobilized." Said Leslie.



   Paul came awake with a start.  A very pretty and very nude young girl
had just placed a bottle of poppers under his nose with the cap off.  When
Paul tried to move, he realized he was chained spread eagle on a large bed
and his clothes were gone.  He looked over to see a pile of shredded
clothing lying nearby.



   "Which one of you bitches cut my clothes off?  I just had that suit
made. I'm Paul Walker and nobody treats Paul Walker like that." Said Paul.



   "Paul, Greta and I cut your clothes off.  You show up at my home an
uninvited guest before an important party and abuse my Social Secretary in
the most humiliating fashion.  That was very foolish, Paul, very foolish
and I intend to punish you for it," Said Leslie



   "Sweetness, now don't be that way.  I got to thinking about what we did
in the VIP Room at Club Diane and I just had to get it one more time.  You
know I didn't mean any harm.  I'm sorry about your girl.  But I didn't mean
her any harm.  I just peaked at her tits and grabbed her by the coochie
because she told me she wouldn't let me see you." Said Paul



   "I can't believe you were willing to force your way into my home, well
you're going to have to pay," said Leslie.



   "Please sweetness, please just do me again, I'll be on my way.  We got a
big game with the Lakers tomorrow night and I need to get some rest." Said
Paul all of a sudden sounding contrite and sad.



   "Sorry Paul, but before I punish you, I will repeat what we did at Club
Diane." Said Leslie



   "That's all I want baby.  Just do Paul one more time with those pretty
feet of yours," said Paul



   "Greta, you get Mr.  Walker hard while I send Hilda for some things I am
going to need." Said Leslie.



   Greta took Paul's cock in her hand and admired it.  She wasn't sure she
had ever seen one that large; but after all, he is enormous thought Greta.
Her white hand looked tiny compared to the 11 inches of man meat she held.
Greta leaned forward and took the tip in her mouth wondering what her
mistress planned as a punishment.  Greta knew from experience that Leslie
was a true daughter of the Marquis de Sade and that very shortly Paul
Walker was going to rue the day he climbed that fence.



   Once Greta had Paul's cock fully erect, she turned to Leslie and asked
"Ms.  Warren, can I fuck him for a while, his cock is huge and I want to
see what it feels like inside me".



   "Go ahead Greta, but don't get him off, I'll do that," replied Leslie



   "Greta straddled Paul, positioned his cock head inside her pussy
entrance, then slowly slid down until her bottom reached his groin.  She
had all eleven inches inside her.



   "Oh my God, it feels huge, it's like the biggest cock I've ever taken,"
moaned Greta



   "Well, I think it's in proportion to his body.  He's seven foot three
inches tall, weighs almost three hundred pounds and wears a size eighteen
shoe.  Paul would look quite absurd with a six-inch dick." Replied Leslie



   Greta fucked Paul while she fingered her clit.  Paul's cock felt
marvelous inside her body.  Its long black length glistening as Greta
fucked on it with it.  After several minutes, Greta climaxed muttering some
words in German.



   "That little foreign bitch got off riding Paul's black meat.  You people
are hot shit.  Sweetness, I'm ready for you now," said Paul



   Leslie turned to Paul's body and positioned herself between his legs on
the bed.  She was sitting facing him and reached out to wrap her perfectly
shaped size four feet around his cock.  She raised and lowered her legs
providing Paul his second experience of having a woman masturbate him with
her feet.



   As she slowly moved her feet up and down his enormous cock she thought
back to last month when she was on a girl's night out and they decided to
try a new nightclub that had just opened in downtown Boston.  Leslie had
decided at the last minute to go into Boston for dinner with her good
friends Bethany and Ruth.  The three women had grown up together and even
attended Smith College together.  They were wealthy worldly women who had
each gone through several husbands.  Bethany was the only one of the three
currently married.  Of course, being married did not slow Bethany down in
the least when she saw a cock she wanted to try.



   Club Diane was insanely busy and there was a line out front waiting to
enter.  But Leslie and party were whisked immediately inside and shown to
an upstairs VIP area.  Leslie danced with the girls after they downed
several bottles of Rodier Crystal champagne.  They were having a good time
when Bethany announced that several of the Boston Celtics had just entered
the room.  Bethany's husband was part owner of the Celtics so she had met
the players on several occasions.  Bethany invited the players to join them
and they all sat together on couches in the VIP room.



   Leslie quickly found herself sitting on a couch sandwiched between two
black players.  Since Leslie was 5'3" and the shortest Celtic was over
6'3", Leslie felt a little out of place.  Two young black women accompanied
the players.  Leslie knew that the young man to her right was Paul Walker,
a rookie out of North Carolina State that was considered the team's best
hope for reaching the playoffs in the coming season.  Everyone had snorted
a pair of lines of cocaine and things were starting to get a little wild.
Leslie looked over to a nearby couch to see Bethany impaling herself on a
large black cock.  Ruth and one of the black girls were sucking the cocks
of two players.  They were switching cocks every few minutes and playing
with each other's titties and pussies as they gave the player's head.



   "Shineeka is the best cocksucker in the world," Paul said to Leslie as
the black girl on his other side unzipped his trousers and drew out an
enormous cock.  The girl, who Leslie reasoned was Shineeka leaned over and
took Paul's cock in her mouth and began to provide a rather standard
blowjob.



   "I could do something to you that's I bet you've never experienced.  And
I bet it drives you wild." Said Leslie



   "No offense, Lady.  But you're not exactly fresh off the vine.  What
could you possibly do that Shineeka could not do better?" Said Paul



   "You want me to show you." Asked Leslie



   "Sure, show me what an old white woman can do." Said Paul



   Leslie stood up and raised her skirt then slid down both of her thigh
high stockings.  She reached in her purse and took out a bottle of lotion.
Leslie moved over to sit on the glass table in front of the couch and
squirted lotion all over her feet.  Shineeka had temporarily raised her
head to see what Leslie was up to and Leslie took that as an opportunity to
extend her feet and grab Paul's cock with the soles of both feet.  Leslie
had remarkably soft and supple feet and she could wrap them tightly around
Paul's cock and then raise and lower them rapidly.



   "Man, that is something.  Where did you learn to do that?" said Paul
very turned on my Leslie's feet.



   "My father taught me when I was a little girl." Replied Leslie



   "You used to play with your daddy's cock with your feet?" asked Shineeka
incredulously.



   "Starting when I was eleven, did your daddy teach you to give blowjobs?"
asked Leslie of Shineeka



   "I never knew my daddy.  Mom wasn't sure which one he was.  I sort of
learned it on my own in school." Said Shineeka



   "Be quiet, Shineeka and let the woman work.  I never felt anything so
good.  Her feet are so small and they're pretty." Said Paul relaxing back
into the couch



   Within a few minutes, Paul squirted cum all over Leslie's feet.  Leslie
reached one of her feet forward and slipped her cum covered toes into
Paul's mouth.  Paul licked his own sperm of Leslie's feet.



   "These are such sweet little feet.  They're so small and dainty.  Nobody
ever got me off with her feet but I liked it a lot when you did it.  I
liked it an awfully lot." Said Paul.



   It was three in the morning and Club Diane was legally required to
close; so last call was made and everyone started to leave.  Bethany had
passed out on the couch after screwing three of the Celtics.  Ruth and one
of the black girls had finished each other off with some intense pussy
eating.  Leslie remembered thinking to herself, 'not bad for three forty
something white women.'



   "What's your number, sweetness?  I want us to get together again so you
can do me again with your precious little feet." Said Paul taking one of
Leslie's feet in his giant hand and licking the instep.



   Leslie gave him her household number that meant it would never be
answered directly by her.



   Now Leslie was once again using her feet to jack off Paul.  He was lying
there making cooing sounds as Leslie's feet enveloped his cock and moved
over its length to massage the tip before descending to its base.  Paul
moaned each time she stroked him.  Finally, his whole body convulsed as he
squired cum into the air that fell back onto Leslie's feet.



   "Let me lick it off like we did at the club." Said Paul.  Leslie obliged
Paul whose large tongue moved over each foot capturing the stripes and
puddles of sperm and taking them into his mouth to taste and swallow.



   "Was that good for you Paul?" asked Leslie



   "Sweetness, you know you're the best.  Old Paul never had anything like
that.  I need to leave now and let you have your party.  Tell your girls
here to get these chains off me," Said Paul



   "I'm not done with you.  Now that you got what you came for; I'm going
to punish you first for daring to harm one of my staff and secondly for
disrespecting me by coming to my home uninvited and demanding that I jack
you off like I was some street whore from the projects." Said Leslie



   "Come on baby, just let me go.  I'm Paul Walker.  I'm going to get the
Celtics to the playoffs.  You can't do anything to me." Said Paul



   "I'm Leslie Warren and I'm going to punish you in ways you aren't ever
going to forget.  I have guests downstairs so I need to hurry.  Your first
punishment is that you're going to eat Hilda's turds just as they comes out
of her asshole, warm fresh shit and you're going to beg to swallow them. 
Ordinarily, I would have Rosamond taking a dump in your mouth since it was
Rosamond whose ass you stuck your thumb in; but Rosamond is downstairs
greeting my guests so Hilda is going to stand in for her.  " Said Leslie



   "You're fucking crazy woman.  I'm not going to eat this bitch's shit."
Said Paul



   "And by the way, I've got a camera here and I'm going to capture it on
digital video.  If I ever see your sorry ass or have any trouble with you
again, that little MPEG file is going to be sent to every porno Web site on
the Internet.  The entire world will know that the Paul Walker, star player
for the Boston Celtics, has a taste for white girl's shit." Said Leslie as
she handed Greta a handful of small wooden skewers.



   "I'm not eating shit and there's no way you can make me," said Paul



   "Do the big toe and the second toe on the left foot." Said Leslie



   "What's she doing?  I'm going yell my ass off if she sticks me with
those." Said Paul looking down at Greta positioning one of the skewers
under Paul's big toe nail.



   "Oh, you are going to yell all right.  But my father built this house to
be internally and externally soundproof.  He had a thing about being
overheard.  All walls are a foot thick of solid masonry." Said Leslie



   Greta took Paul's left foot and began to work the sharp point of the
skewer under the toenail.  A trickle of blood seeped out from under the
nail as Paul began to scream.  Greta pushed the skewer in further and Paul
screamed in a higher pitch.  Greta embedded a second skewer under the big
toenail then used her hand to drive them both in deeper.  Paul let out an
inhuman yell when Greta used the heel of her hand to hammer them in to
where they reached the base of the nail.  Greta had considerable experience
in this particular form of sadism and knew that she had gotten all the pain
the big toe was prepared to give for now.  Greta started on the second toe.



   "I'll do it.  I eat her shit.  Let her dump in my mouth.  You people
aren't human," Said Paul



   Greta looked to Leslie for instructions.



   "Do the second toe.  Paul hasn't experienced enough pain yet." Said
Leslie.  Greta slipped the skewer under the nail and this time shoved it in
at an angle.  Paul's body rose up off the bed in agony.  The pain under his
toenails was beyond anything he had ever experienced.  His body was covered
in sweat.



   "I'll do it.  I'll do it.  I'll do it" Paul repeated over and over
between each scream.



   "Okay Paul, just remember you have eight more toes and ten more fingers.
Greta would love to work on each one.  I could get dressed, go down to my
party and leave you with her for hours." Said Leslie



   "I'll do it." Paul kept repeating.



   "Excellent work Greta," said Leslie as she picked up a camera and turned
it on.



   "Open wide Paul, Are you ready Hilda?" asked Leslie



   "Yes, I'm ready." Said Hilda



   Leslie got down on the floor with her camera focusing on Hilda's
sphincter that was positioned only inches above Paul's open mouth.  Hilda
had hopped up on the bed and positioned her naked ass directly above Paul's
head.  Leslie heard Hilda grunt as slowly her butt hole opened and the end
of a brown turd appeared.



   "It's coming Paul.  Keep your mouth open or we'll leave you alone with
Greta." Said Leslie



   The first small turd dropped directly in Paul's mouth.



   "Now chew it up and swallow it like a good boy," cooed Leslie.  Paul was
too terrified of Greta and the skewers to do anything but bite into the
shit and swallow it.



   "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?  Here comes a bigger one.  Keep your
mouth open wide." Said Leslie getting both Hilda's emerging turd and Paul's
mouth in the viewfinder.  Paul masticated the second turd and then
swallowed.  Leslie focused on Paul's throat as he swallowed Hilda's shit.



   "Last one's on the way and it looks like the biggest yet." Said Leslie.
Hilda's butt hole was spread wide as a serious piece of shit emerged.  When
it dropped, most of it went directly into Paul's mouth but a small piece
landed and stuck on his check.  Leslie took a finger and gently nudged it
into his open mouth.



   "We don't want to waste any of this fine German shit.  Didn't I tell you
Hilda was from Germany and so is Greta.  That's it Paul.  Your first
punishment is over." Said Leslie



   "Wipe his face and give him some water.  And put a pillow under his head
to prop him up so he can see the television." Said Leslie



   "Please let me go.  I'll leave you alone." Said Paul who had begun to
cry.



   "Paul, when a thoroughbred farm has a stallion that is just too high
spirited and skittish to be trained to race, they realize steps have to be
taken to calm him down.  So do you know what they do?  " Asked Leslie



   "I don't know.  Please just let me go." Said Paul



   "They make him a gelding." Said Leslie



   "What's that?" asked Paul



   "My God, Paul, you went to college for four years.  Didn't they teach
you anything?" Asked Leslie



   "I didn't go to a lot of classes.  I just played ball." Replied Paul



   "A gelding is a stallion that has been castrated." Said Leslie.  Paul
just looked puzzled and uncomprehending.



   "Castrated as in they cut his balls off." Said Leslie loudly.



   "You wouldn't do that.  I wouldn't even be a man," said Paul who started
crying even louder.



   "Paul, I want you to see what I'm going to do to you, my father had one
of the most complete collections of erotica in private hands.  Only the
Vatican's is more comprehensive.  Daddy collected many rare and unusual
items such as snuff films, scenes of torture recorded by Saddam Hussein
among others.  He has the actual video of a Guatemalan dead squad
torturing, raping and killing four American nuns.  Dad even managed to get
the originals of the executions of the Wermacht officers who tried to
assassinate Hitler.  Slow strangulation by piano wire is an amazingly
painful way to die.



   When I was a little girl, I would sit in his lap and watch with him.  He
loved for my mother and I to take turns sucking his cock while he watched a
new addition to his library.  The particular one we are going to view is
very rare and was filmed outside of Palermo, Sicily in 1975; so it is not
all that old.  The man on the table appeared as a witness against several
major leaders of the Sicilian Mafia.  They filmed what they did to him as a
warning to others who were considering testifying.  The conversation is
Italian so you won't understand unless you speak Italian but I still think
you'll get the idea," Said Leslie as she inserted a cassette of videotape
in the VCR.



   "Its well lighted and the quality of the video is excellent.  What you
are going to see Paul is a surgeon removing the balls of the informer
without benefit of anesthesia.  From his screams, you know how very much
awake he was.  Now two things, Hilda, who was a surgical nurse before she
joined my staff is going to shave your balls while you watch.  All that
hair would get in the way of the scalpel.  The second thing is that we are
going to put you under while I remove your testicles.  I'm not a surgeon
and you would be moving around too much for me to cut properly.  I might
accidentally cut your dick off.  So watch and enjoy." Said Leslie



   Paul did not want to watch; but his eyes were irresistibly drawn to the
screen.  A large fat man was securely fastened to an operating table.  He
was babbling in a language that Paul did not understand.  Paul watched as
the scalpel made a deep incision in the center of the man's ball sack. 
Blood spurted out and a nurse sponged it up.  The patient screamed and
screamed but the surgeon kept cutting.  First he pulled one round gob of
flesh out of the sack and cut and tied off blood vessels and nerve endings
then he removed a second mass of tissue.  By this time, the patient had
become incoherent and was just babbling.  Hilda was using a straight razor
to shave all the hair off his scrotum.  Paul wished he could die before
Leslie went to work on him.



   "Well, Paul, I've had first aid and using this video as a guide, I think
I can get your nuts off in time to allow me to go downstairs and enjoy my
party.  Give him the anesthetic, Hilda," said Leslie



   "Please for the love of God, don't cut my nuts off," said Paul right
before he passed out from the injection.



   Several hours later, Paul jerked awake.  He slowly realized he was
sitting naked in the front seat of his Rolls Royce.  He was in a parking
lot and there was a lighted sign in front of his eyes.  He read the sign
above the entranceway, "Beth Israel Emergency Services".  There was a jar
on top the dashboard.  The label on the jar read, "Maybe They Can Put Them
Back In.  It's Worth A Try.  It Worked for John Wayne Bobbit".  Suddenly,
it all came back to him.  He reached down and felt a handful of tape where
his nuts used to be.  Paul screamed and grabbed the jar as he exited the
car and ran toward the emergency room entrance.



   Emergency room nurses who work the night shifts at large inner city
hospitals like to say after a few years they've seen it all.  There was
nothing that could amaze or surprise them.  But the nurses working that
night would admit that the sight of a seven-foot naked black man running in
the door, screaming "They cut my nuts off.  Please put them back" was
unusual.  It was also shocking that he was holding a jar that he claimed
were his testicles.  It took several orderlies and nurses to restrain him
and give him a sedative.



   When Paul woke up, there was a doctor whose nametag read "Dr.  Raj
Singh" standing by his bed.



   "Did you put them back?" asked Paul



   "If you are referring to your testicles, they were not gone.  No one
removed your testicles.  The jar contained pig testicles.  I saw your last
game at the Fleet Center when you scored thirty-four points.  You
practically beat the Hornets by yourself." Said Doctor Singh.



   "You're telling me I'm okay.  I still got my nuts.  They didn't cut them
off and put them in a jar" Asked Paul



   "No, the jar contained pig testicles.  I examined you carefully and your
testicles are fine.  However, there was something unusual we found when we
x-rayed you.  There was an object in your rectum." Said Doctor Singh



   "Something was up my ass.  Is it still inside me?  What is it?" asked
Paul starting to panic again.



   "We removed it without too much difficulty.  We frequently get cases
where patients have managed to lodge something in their rectum.  Last
month, there was a young girl with a broken half of a cucumber inside. 
Most of the time, it a rubber dildo but we have extracted champagne bottles
and beer cans.



   "But what was in my ass?" asked Paul



   "It was a doll.  One of the nurses identified it as a Barbie doll.  I
have it here in case you wanted to keep it.  But I was hoping you would let
me have it.  I'm a fan of the Celtics and would love to own it.  Could I
ask you to autograph it?"



   "Yes, I guess.  So I'm okay.  My nuts are still attached." Asked Paul
incredibly grateful to the doctor who was telling him that he still had his
balls.  Paul reached down and felt them again just to make sure.



   "You're fine.  But in the future, I suggest you stay away from mixing
alcohol and cocaine.  You blood showed high levels of both.  In
combination, they can produce serious delusions such as thinking you've
been castrated." Said Doctor Singh handing a Barbie doll and pen to Paul



   "Oh you want me to write anything special?" asked Paul



   "No, just your name and date on the back of the doll.  I collect sports
memorabilia and this is going to mean a lot to my collection." Said Doctor
Singh



   
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