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Subject: {ASSM} Change of Life [4/5]
Date: Sat,  1 Dec 2001 12:10:04 -0500
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Had to get a new email, so I'm reposting my old works under the new 
addy to get it out.

Change of Life, pt 4

Now, onto the boring stuff

-------------------------

DISCLAIMERS

-------------------------

This story contains scenes of an erotic and/or controversial nature, 
and is not intended for the perusal of minors.  Further if perusal of 
such material is considered illegal in your area or immoral by your 
religion or personal beliefs, you should likewise bypass this story.

This story remains the property of the author.  Permission is granted 
to download, photocopy, copy and repost so long as any such action 
contains these disclaimers, and no attempt is made to profit from 
this story.

All characters in this story are the creation of the author, and any 
resemblance to real persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental.

This story may contain aspects of fantastic science or magic.  The 
parameters of what this science/magic can accomplish are completely 
at the discretion of me, the author, and, as such, I make no 
apologies for any rules of "real" physics, chemistry, biology, or 
magic that may be broken within the story.

-------------------------

Now onto the fun stuff

-------------------------

Change of Life, pt 4

Jacqui telepathically explained the situation to her Master.  He 
looked over to his secondary and said, "James, take over.  Jacqui, go 
get the Akashic Master's children and bring them straight to the 
Masters' conference room.  If anybody interferes, say you're doing it 
on my authority.  The entries are already in the computer database. 
Go!"

Jacqui quickly ran back to the entry room, and, after explaining the 
situation to the receptionist, got the girls.  She brought them to 
the conference room and waited.  The Virtual Adept Master teleported 
in first, with the other Masters coming in shortly thereafter.  After 
the eight Masters were present, Sensei Nakayama, as Joe's appointed 
replacement, teleported in.

The Hermetic Master, always one to grandstand, started.  "Alright, 
Virtual Adept, why did you call this meeting and why are we 
approached by a girl barely two years out of apprenticeship and two 
mundanes?"

The Verbena Mistress said, "Are you truly so arrogant that you would 
not recognize the right of two of the Akashic Master's children to 
address this council?"

The Virtual Adept Master said, "Enough!  I called this emergency 
council meeting!  You both violate protocol by not letting me handle 
this as I choose!"  The Verbena Mistress apologized, but the Hermetic 
Master just nodded his head in deference.  The Virtual Adept Master 
said, "Jacqui."

Jacqui quickly explained the situation and asked for help to retrieve 
the Akashic Master.  After she was finished, the Virtual Adept Master 
said, "I move that we send a group after the Akashic Master to 
convince him to return to the consensual reality."

The Verbena Mistress quickly said, "Seconded."

The Hermetic Master said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I disagree.  Much as 
we may all disagree with what the Akashic Master is doing, he has a 
right to choose his own path.  We have no right to stop him, much 
less bring him back."

The Verbena Mistress replied, "His choice is based on rage and loss. 
It is not a rational one."

"All the more reason not to get involved.  The fact that it is not 
rational means he will be less likely to give it up.  So what happens 
if we confront him and he refuses to return?  Do we just leave him? 
Or will whoever goes after him have to escort him until his suicide 
mission reaches its inevitable conclusion?  Because forcing him is 
not an option, not unless you plan on sacrificing the lives of our 
people uselessly."

The Verbena Mistress said, "Fine, I will make going after him a 
personal project.  No realm resources need be used."

The Cult of Ecstasy Mistress said, "Then you will most likely fail. 
I have peered into the future.  If we are to succeed in convincing 
the Akashic Master to return, then the Dreamspeaker Master, Norma, 
and Jacqui must be the ones to go after him.  The Dreamspeaker Master 
for his skill and knowledge of the Umbra, Jacqui for her light, and 
Norma for her connection to the Akashic Master."

The Hermetic Master said, "But this still doesn't say why we should 
expend the energy in the first place.  The issue is the Akashic 
Master's right to choose his own path."

Master Nakayama said, "The issue is betrayal.  When you betrayed him 
the last time, there was almost a mass exodus then.  Only the 
previous Akashic Master speaking on behalf of you, urging patience 
and forgiveness, prevented that from happening.  The Akashic 
Brotherhood will not suffer the betrayal of their Master."

"But you could speak to them, convince them not to leave."

"If you betray the Akashic Master again, I shall be the first to 
leave."  The Hermetic Master started to protest, but Master Nakayama 
said, "It might be different if this required some huge expenditure 
of energy, but the Cult of Ecstasy Mistress has stated that the goal 
desired may be achieved by just committing three people to the task, 
one of whom is not even a part of this base to deny.  Refuse to 
commit even this minimal effort and you lose the Akashic Brotherhood."

The Dreamspeaker Master said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am fully 
willing to go after the Akashic Master.  So unless there are some 
objections to my bringing one Virtual Adept and one child along..." 
The Dreamspeaker Master waited, and when there were none, he said, 
"Then I guess we're finished."

The other Masters all disappeared, and the Dreamspeaker Master 
stepped down and said, "Are you two ready to go?"

Inya asked, "What about me?"

Jacqui said, "Hun, somebody has got to go back and explain what's 
going on to everybody.  Your grandmother and the rest of your family 
are probably frantic with worry."

"I suppose so."

Jacqui gave Inya a kiss on the cheek.  "We'll bring your dad back."

After Inya left, the Dreamspeaker Master brought them to a gate, and 
they stepped through into the Umbra.

************

Inya called Julie from the space gate house as soon as she arrived. 
Julie quickly picked her up and brought her home.  When she was home, 
she got everybody together and explained what had happened.  Julie 
nearly broke down in tears, and everybody else started discussing 
what had transpired.  The only one who remained silent was Jeremy, 
and at some point Laurie noticed he had slipped away.

She decided to find him.  For some reason, Jeremy had been lethargic 
and withdrawn ever since Bronwyn's death, but had refused to discuss 
it, and Laurie decided it was time to have it out.

She found him out by the woodpile.  Once, when she had been visiting, 
Bronwyn had taken her upstairs and they had watched Joe reduce a 
collection of logs into firewood using nothing more than his bare 
hands.  Now Jeremy was doing much the same thing, except he was 
reducing firewood to sawdust using the power of the Dark One.

He had stripped off his shirt and was working in nothing more than a 
tank top undershirt.  Laurie enjoyed a moment of admiration for his 
body before stepping out into the yard.  He destroyed another log, 
and she said, "Any good at making something other than sawdust?"

He just gave her a cold stare as he put another chunk of wood on the 
chopping block.  As he charged his hand with Dark Power and destroyed 
the piece of wood, Laurie said, "I can't help but remember you 
telling me that sometimes a man uses violence as a release in place 
of tears."

Jeremy put another piece of wood on the block.  "So?"

"So seeing you here, I can't help wondering," Laurie waited for him 
to destroy the piece of wood, "what it is you feel the need to cry 
for."

Jeremy put another hunk of wood on the block.  "What's the matter? 
Female intuition failing you?" he said, destroying the wood.

Laurie almost said something nasty in reply, but bit it back.  This 
wasn't the time for it.  "At first guess, I'd have to say you're 
blaming yourself for Bronwyn's death."

"Bronwyn's death and everything that follows.  If I had succeeded in 
destroying that Fomori, Bronwyn would be alive, and we wouldn't be 
worrying about the life of the world's greatest monster fighter."

"Fomori?  Is that what that thing was called?"  Jeremy nodded. 
"Jeremy, you did your best.  You almost died yourself."

"Maybe I should've died.  After all, Bronwyn died protecting me."

"You did all that you could.  Bronwyn did what she had to as high 
priestess of the Sisterhood."

"But it's not supposed to be like that.  The Brotherhood is supposed 
to be the front line against the forces of darkness.  If anybody is 
supposed to be sacrificing their life, it's us."

"Look, I know how you feel-"

"Do you?  Do you have any idea what it's like to know that if you had 
just pushed a little harder, done a little better, then the people 
you love would be spared a whole lot of pain?"

Tears came to Laurie's eyes.  "Yes.  Don't forget, I was there, too. 
Do you know how many times I've run over that scene in my mind, 
wondering what I could've done different that would've changed 
things?  Wondering if maybe I'd've gotten to Bronwyn a second or two 
earlier I could've saved her life?"

"But if I had done my job it wouldn't even be an issue."

Laurie almost said something more, but swallowed it back.  "Look, we 
can play the 'Who's more at fault?' game all night, but right now 
those people in there need both of us.  And we have a responsibility 
to put our personal problems aside for their sake."

Jeremy was silent for a few seconds before saying, "You're right."

Laurie turned to go back into the house and Jeremy said, "Laurie?" 
After she turned back, he said, "I'm sorry.  I should've considered 
how you were feeling.  I should've realized that you were going 
through the same things I was."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not.  Here I am going on about what I could've done to make 
things easier for the people I love, and one of the people I care for 
most is suffering and I'm doing nothing."

Laurie gave him a weak smile.  "You care for me?  Even with all the 
arguing we do?"

Jeremy gave her a crooked smile.  "I argue with you because it's so 
much fun.  Are you telling me you don't do it for the same reasons?"

Laurie almost started another argument to deny it, but had to stop 
and smile.  "I suppose I do."  She turned away from him and said, 
just loud enough to ensure she was heard, "Jack-ass."

Jeremy didn't say anything, but did smile as he followed her into the house.

************

Jacqui, the Dreamspeaker Master, and Norma entered the spiritual 
realm of the Goddess.  They traveled down the long hallway to her 
private chamber, but were surprised by what they found when they got 
there.  One wall had literally been blasted apart on a primordial 
level, and it looked as though the Umbra itself had been merged with 
the room.  They saw the Goddess in the center of the room gazing on 
them as though nothing were wrong.  "Good day, Jacqui, Dreamspeaker, 
young Norma."

The Dreamspeaker Master asked, "Great Lady, what happened?"

"This?  Simply a result of the Akashic Master's grief."

"He attacked you?"

"No.  He attacked my realm.  This is mere property damage.  Far more 
serious is the damage within his soul."

"But what did happen?"

"The Akashic Master came to me, demanding to be sent beyond to 
Bronwyn.  I explained that Bronwyn had not yet come to my presence, 
and thus had not yet passed beyond.  He then asked to know where she 
was, and I said I didn't know.  I explained that if I touched her 
with my presence she would pass beyond, and I had been forced to 
block my connection with her to give her a chance to return.  He then 
used his Time senses to see her departure from my realm, and saw her 
being escorted out of here by an unknown figure.  He demanded to know 
who it was, but I couldn't tell him."

"Couldn't, Mistress?  No one could enter your realm without you 
knowing exactly who it was.  Therefore it must've been wouldn't, 
Milady."

"No, Running Wolf, I am bound by my oaths.  I swore an oath to do 
nothing to reveal the identity of the one who removed Bronwyn from my 
realm.  But it was that fact that the Akashic Master used to demand 
the knowledge of who had Bronwyn.  When I refused, he begged, and 
when I still refused, he did this," she said waving her hand at the 
tear in the side of her reality.  "He then stormed out of here to try 
to find her.  Unfortunately, he's looking in the wrong place 
entirely.  He has assumed that one of his old enemies has taken her 
from here.  He seeks her out in Hell, Dreamspeaker.  You must go to 
him, before he is destroyed by his own grief."

"Thank you, ma'am."  He took Jacqui and Norma by the hand and led 
them from the realm.

The Goddess looked to the rending of her space.  "Akashic, your wife 
is safe, but you are not.  Do not allow your despair to dominate you."

************

Julie sat alone in the bedroom just staring at Bronwyn's body. 
Laurie came in and said, "Julie, are you ready?  The other Sisters 
are here and we need to get started on deciding on a new High 
Priestess."

Julie replied, "Do you think that maybe we could put this off?  Maybe 
Joe will be successful and return Bronwyn to us."

"And if he isn't?"  Julie cringed.  "Sorry, hun."

"That's okay.  I know you're just trying to be practical.  It's just 
that if I think about Joe failing, I have to think about him not 
coming back."  Julie looked to Laurie with tears in her eyes. 
"Laurie, I've only had a couple years with him since his return to 
me.  I know I'm being selfish, but part of me wants him to forget 
about Bronwyn and return to me.  Is that so wrong?"

Laurie remained silent for a few seconds.  "Part of me is shocked to 
hear you say that, but I've been wondering what would I be thinking 
if it was Jacqui who was off on some chase after someone she loved. 
I remember Joe telling me that Jacqui's power would be limited only 
by her training and spiritual power.  I have to realize the fact that 
one day Jacqui may have the power to accomplish what Joe is trying 
now.  And I think if I had to make a choice between my child and 
Bronwyn, not only would I choose Jacqui, I have to believe Bronwyn 
would want me to choose Jacqui over her as well."

Julie sighed.  "Well, I guess we better get to this."

The two women walked downstairs where the other members of the 
Sisterhood's best awaited.  Patricia welcomed them with a hug, then 
said, "Once any member of the Sisterhood reaches our level she should 
only HAVE to meet with the rest of us once in her lifetime.  Now, 
we've met twice in as many years.  I don't suppose there's any chance 
we'll have a white knight come riding to our rescue once again?"

Laurie gave a small smile.  "You're getting spoiled, Patty.  Shall we 
get on with it?"

"Indeed.  Have you prepared Bronwyn's body for final rites?"

Laurie remained silent for a few seconds.  "I... haven't been able to."

The women were surprised.  "Why not?"

Laurie debated it.  She had wanted to keep Joe's mission secret so as 
to not raise any false hopes.  "Because Joe has wrapped her body in 
an impenetrable force field, so that we couldn't."

"Why?"

Laurie waited for a few seconds before saying, "Because he's gone on 
a quest to try to retrieve her soul and bring her back to her body."

Tara asked, "Can he really do that?  And, if so, why are we 
discussing a replacement for her?"

Julie said, "Because all the people from his group we've talked to 
agree.  The possibility of his accomplishing this is next to nothing, 
and in all likelihood, he will die trying."

The girls were stunned.  Tara said, "Julie, I'm sorry."

Elaine asked, "Is there any chance he'll succeed?"

"They say it's possible, just not likely."

Patty said, "I'd like to recommend that until we know one way or the 
other, we table discussions of a permanent replacement for Bronwyn. 
Custom says we're supposed to prepare the body before selecting a 
replacement anyways."

Laurie said, "Hold on.  Even if we don't select a permanent 
replacement, we still need to choose an interim replacement."

Tara quickly said, "How about you, Laurie?  You've already been 
handling all the details anyways."

"Now wait a second-"

Ignoring her, Patty said, "Seconded.  All those in favor?"

Before Laurie could say a thing, all the girls said, "Aye!"

Patty grabbed Laurie's hand and shook it.  "Congratulations, Laurie, 
you're the interim High Priestess."  The girls then left the house, 
leaving a stunned Laurie sitting across from Julie.

Laurie turned to face Julie.  Julie had her hand over her mouth, but 
even behind it, Laurie could tell she had a smile a mile wide.  "You 
do know what the term 'railroaded' means?" Laurie asked.

Julie nodded.  "And I can even see the tracks running up and down your face."

Laurie shook her head and laughed.

************

When the three of them appeared in the realm know only as 'Hell', 
they were standing in front of what seemed to be a great set of iron 
doors 50 feet high built into the side of a wall that extended up so 
high that the top couldn't be seen.  Standing in front of the door 
was an Olde world demon, man from the waist up, with tiny horns on 
his head, jet black hair and a goatee, and a goat's body below the 
waist.

The Dreamspeaker Master turned to Jacqui and whispered, "Whatever you 
do, do not attempt to fight unless given no option, and then fight 
only to get out and return here and leave."

"Yes, sir."

The Dreamspeaker Master walked up to the guardian of the gate and 
said, "We seek entry to Hell.  What bargain will you strike to let us 
gain admission?"

"Sorry," the demon replied, "Hell is closed, come back tomorrow."

The Dreamspeaker Master was stunned.  Jacqui came up to him and 
asked, "What's wrong?"

"Never before have I been denied outright.  At times, the bargains I 
have had to strike have had to be very steep, but never before have 
they just said no without recourse to bargaining."

"Any idea why?"

"None."  The Dreamspeaker Master said to he demon, "Sir, we are 
prepared to pay greatly for admission to the inner chambers."

"Look, I told you, no entry.  Come back tomorrow."

Jacqui stepped up, "Excuse me, sir, but we are desperate to find a 
friend.  Perhaps if you could just grant us access for a brief while, 
we could run in, check, and run out."

The demon gave her a lascivious look that she had identified on more 
than a few scumbags in her time as a woman.  "Not today, babe, but 
perhaps if you're real nice to me, I could make it easy for you 
tomorrow."  The demon reached out to take Jacqui's chin in hand, but 
as soon as he touched her chin, he recoiled as though he had touched 
a live wire.  "OW!  Son of a-"  He stuck his hand in his mouth and 
sucked on it as though nursing a burn.  "You're one of the Goddess's 
bitches, aren't you?"

Jacqui pulled herself up as tall as she could and said, "Yes, and if 
you don't want to get on her bad side, you'd better let us in."

The demon rolled his eyes.  "Spare me.  The Goddess's presence within 
you may grant you protection from my touch, but it gets you no 
special privileges here."

"Doesn't it?" the Dreamspeaker Master asked.  "Something's going on 
here, that much is clear.  Those of the Sisterhood are known for 
protecting and helping.  Perhaps we could help you out."

The demon looked at them suspiciously, but eventually he said, "Wait 
here."  He stepped into the door, literally melting into it.  After a 
few seconds, the doors opened with an ominous, metal grating.  The 
demon awaited on the other side.  "Enter."

The three entered the realm.  Norma, too terrified to speak, stayed 
close behind Jacqui, hanging on her skirt.  Jacqui looked around. 
She wasn't sure what to expect, but it sure wasn't what she did see. 
Starting at either 50 yards to the left or the right of her, the 
realm did look as expected.  There were scenes of people, usually 
naked, being punished by demons of various shapes and sizes.  They 
were being whipped, burned, stretched on racks, and many other forms 
of torture.  It was like something out of a fire and brimstone 
minister's lecture.

But between sections of the expected was a barren stretch of land. 
The land had a blasted look, as though it had been the recipient of a 
huge bomb blast.  The 100 yard stretch of land extended forward in 
front of her as far as she could see.  She looked to the Dreamspeaker 
Master and saw that he was just as surprised as she felt.

"What happened?" he asked.

"The Akashic Master attempted entry into Hell.  When he was refused, 
he tore the guardian apart and ripped the gates of Hell from their 
moorings.  Then he did," the demon waved at the blasted strip of 
land, "this."

"Great Spirit, even I had no idea he was this powerful."

"No surprise.  Not only is he driven by his grief, but he is also an 
Oracle of Forces."

"So what happened after this?"

"The Akashic Master assumed that we had taken his deceased wife as 
vengeance for what he had done to us a few years ago.  We attempted 
to force him out, but that didn't work.  Finally, we convinced him of 
the special protection that those of the Sisterhood have from us.  It 
took a bit of work to get him to believe us, but we finally got him 
to believe us, and he left."

"Do you have any idea where he went?"

"Not exactly, but while he was fighting us, he said he'd raze the 
gates of heaven itself to get his wife back."

"Thank you.  Now as to our helping you-"

Jacqui said, "I'm not sure I want to help these... 'people'."

The demon smiled.  "But you already have."

"What do you mean?"

The demon waved to the area behind Jacqui.  She turned and looked. 
She saw that wherever she had walked, the ground no longer had a 
blasted appearance, and as she watched, she saw that the area where 
she had touched was slowly spreading out, repairing the damage that 
Joe had done earlier.

The demon said, "It is the province of the Sisterhood to make right 
that which is wrong.  In a spiritual realm like this, the effect is 
far faster then in the consensual reality."

Jacqui suddenly felt used and dirty.  The Dreamspeaker Master said, 
"Come on, let's go."

The three quickly left the realm, the Dreamspeaker Master using his 
Spirit magics to take them right back into the Umbra as soon as they 
were through the gate.  He took them a ways from Hell, and used his 
magics to create a mini-realm that appeared as a clearing in the 
middle of a heavy woods.

"I had no idea you were this powerful."

"This?  This isn't that big a deal.  The fact is those trees don't 
really exist.  Step out of this clearing and you're back in the 
Umbra."

"But it's a realm!"

"A realm with no stability.  It'll disappear as soon as we leave it."

Norma said, {Kind of like some chat rooms on the Internet.  It's 
there as long as there are chatters in it, but if everybody leaves, 
it's gone.}

"I wouldn't know about that.  Computers are a mystery to me."

"You?  You know nothing about computers?"

"I'm afraid that's an old dog and new tricks issue with me, my dear. 
Don't forget, I'm older than the U.S. of A.  Your Master has tried to 
instruct me a few times, but I'm afraid the mysteries of electronic 
media are beyond me."

"Oh."  After a few seconds, Jacqui asked, "Forgive me, Master, but 
should we be waiting here?  Doesn't every second count?"

"It does, but if the Akashic Master has gone to Heaven, I will need 
to marshal my strength to get us there.  Speaking of which, what did 
you think of Hell?"

{I hated it.  So many nasty thoughts.}

Jacqui smiled at Norma's comments and said, "It seemed kind of... 
What's the word for it?"

"Christian?"

"That's the word."

The Dreamspeaker Master laughed.  "I know what you mean.  The first 
time I was there was under the guidance of my Master.  I asked him if 
that really was the fate of the souls of sinners from the consensual 
reality.  He explained that realms in the Umbra are basically of two 
types.  Those that are reflections of greater essences, like the 
realms of the Goddess and the Dark One, and those that are created by 
belief, either the belief of inhabitants of the consensual reality or 
by inhabitants, visiting or permanent, of the Umbra, like this one, 
or like some realms that reflect worlds created by authors of 
fiction.  There's actually a realm that is like the world portrayed 
by Tolkein in his Lord of the Rings series."

"But which is Hell?"

The Dreamspeaker Master shrugged.  "Depends on who you talk to.  Talk 
to a Christian and it's a reflection of the True Hell.  Talk to a 
non-believer and it's nothing more than a realm created by the 
collected beliefs of all Christians."

"But which do you believe?"

The Dreamspeaker Master shrugged again.  "I have seen too many things 
to say one way or the other.  Supporting the 'True Reflection' theory 
is the fact that a seeker of Hell always finds That realm.  Belief 
based realms are always colored by the beliefs of seekers, and each 
is different depending on the seeker.  But supporting the 'Belief' 
theory is the fact that that Hell is shrinking, proponents saying 
that more and more believers are changing their belief that sinners, 
instead of going to where they are tortured by demons, go to private 
Hells where their punishments are something appropriate to the nature 
of their crimes in life."

Jacqui considered what the Dreamspeaker Master had said, as well as 
what she had experienced and asked, "Master, the demon called the 
Akashic Master an Oracle of Forces.  I've heard rumors about Oracles, 
but what are they?"

The Dreamspeaker Master considered how best to describe it and said, 
"A Master of any Sphere of Magic is one whose understanding is so 
great that there is no physical world phenomenon that he cannot 
duplicate.  Some are still incredibly hard, particularly in the 
presence of the non-Awakened, but they can be done.  But there are 
some whose understanding is so great that their abilities defy 
rational understanding, even to those of our rank."

"How many Oracles do you know?"

"Three.  Four now including the Akashic Master."

"So few?"

"Oracles are rare because after they become Oracles they usually 
disappear.  One theory is that their understanding of a Sphere is so 
great that they actually move beyond reality itself."

"Don't you mean the consensual reality?"

The Dreamspeaker Master shook his head.  "No realm in the Umbra, on 
either side of the Horizon, has ever been found where Oracles 
reside."  The Dreamspeaker Master sat down cross-legged and said, 
"Now I'm going to meditate to marshal my strength.  I suggest you two 
rest and conserve your strength.  There's no telling what we'll be 
facing when we get to where we're going."

As the Dreamspeaker Master drifted into a trance, Jacqui saw Norma 
curl up and fall asleep.  She seemed so contented at that moment, and 
Jacqui wondered how she did it.  The resilience of youth she 
supposed.  At that moment, Jacqui couldn't help but think of 
Cheryl,and she wondered how her daughter and "Mara" were doing.  And 
when she fell asleep, it was to dreams of being in Marcus's arms.

************

Bronwyn followed the woman to wherever she led.  She found herself 
entering a realm which seemed very familiar to the realm of the 
Goddess, but somehow she knew it wasn't the same.  She walked down a 
very similar hall to a very similar chamber and saw a woman who 
seemed to be much the same as the Goddess, just... simpler.  The 
thing was, despite the fact that it seemed that this woman was 
pretending to be the Goddess, Bronwyn held no anger towards her.

Bronwyn asked, "Where am I?  And who are you?"

"This is the realm of Love, and I am it's living embodiment."

"But why..."

"Do I look like the Goddess?  Because you equate love with the 
Goddess, and thus this is how I manifest to you.  If you wish, I can 
be..."  Love shimmered and looked like Joe, and, at the same time, 
the realm changed and Bronwyn was standing in her bedroom at home. 
In Joe's voice, Love said, "your lover.  But I think for this 
conversation, I should be..."  Love shimmered again and Bronwyn was 
standing in Laurie's kitchen and Love was in the form of Laurie. 
"your friend and confidante."

Bronwyn looked at her and said, "You look exactly like Laurie, but 
somehow I know you're not her."

"Of course.  True Love is never deceptive."

"But why am I here?"

"To give you the inner strength necessary to return to Joe.  And to 
explain why Joe needs you."

"I need Joe, too, but I'm not sure that's enough."

"It's not enough because you have known the love of so many in your 
life.  Laurie, your family, the Goddess, and all of the Sisterhood, 
even the members you have not met.  Joe has known so few.   And none 
he has loved in as unrestrained and as well reciprocated a manner."

"There's his family, his children and his mother.  There's also 
Laurie and Jacqui, who both love him."

"And he loves them.  But he is father to his children and must make 
sure that duty comes first.  And he is teacher to Jacqui, and must 
restrain himself in much the same way.  And although he loves Laurie 
and she him, it is not the unrestrained love he feels for you."

"What of Julie?"

The woman who brought her here said, "Her love is tainted by her 
betrayal.  With the exception of you, up to now, every person he has 
given his love to has betrayed him."

"There is his first wife, Tarina."

The woman, anger evident in her voice, said, "His first wife, like 
you are contemplating now, refused to face her pain and return to him 
when he needed her."

Bronwyn was about to launch into this woman in defense of Joe's first 
wife, but then she noticed it.  As a spirit, Bronwyn's empathy was 
much greater than it had been in life.  She noticed that the woman's 
anger was not the anger of hatred, but the anger of self-loathing. 
She looked to the woman's darkened face and asked, "Tarina?"

The woman remained silent and motionless for a while before reaching 
up and removing her hood.  Bronwyn was astonished.  The resemblance 
between this woman and the twins was uncanny.  This woman was perhaps 
a bit smaller than the girls were going to grow up to be, and the 
girls were already a bit more buxom, but her face and theirs were so 
similar it was scary.  "I betrayed him," she said, "and I can never 
forgive myself."

"But he loves you so much, Tarina."

Love told her, "His love for her is not the problem.  It is her love 
for him.  Julie has explained the phenomenon, Bronwyn.  She is so 
afraid of hurting him again that she withholds herself.  Tarina does 
the same thing."

"I betrayed him by not fighting my way back to him.  I will never 
forgive myself for that.  I would spare you that pain if I could."

Bronwyn looked at her.  Love said, "Joe needs you, Bronwyn.  Without 
you, his despair may grow so great that he will never allow himself 
to love again."

Bronwyn said, "Alright, I will try once more."

Love said, "Tarina will take you to where you will most likely 
succeed.  Go with Love, Bronwyn."

After the girls left, Love attempted to contact Joe once more, but as 
before, his grief was too great to allow him to hear her words.

************

Jacqui woke to the sounds of sobbing.  She looked around, but the 
Dreamspeaker Master and Norma were nowhere to be seen.  She looked 
around for the sounds of the crying, and saw a woman on the side of 
the clearing.  It only took her a few seconds to identify who it was. 
"Mother, what's wrong?"  Somehow it didn't seem weird that her mother 
was in this temporary realm in the middle of the Umbra.

Laurie just kept crying.  Jacqui walked over and took her mother by 
the shoulders.  "Mom, please talk to me."

Laurie said, "I am a failure as a mother."

"Why do you say that?"

"How else could I feel having raised a child so selfish?"

Jacqui was shocked.  "Wh... what do you mean?"

"I just wanted to show you the beauty of being female.  I just wanted 
to give you the love of the Goddess.  But you rejected it outright 
without even giving it a chance.  You had to be prodded and even 
tricked into every step.  And even you had to admit it was beautiful. 
Then after it was taken from you and I couldn't give it back to you, 
all you could think to do was lash out at me.  Don't you think I 
suffered as you did?  Didn't you realize that your pain was mine?"

Jacqui recoiled in shock.  What could she say?  Her mother was right, 
she had been selfish and uncaring, fighting and hurting her mother 
every step of the way.  She turned from Laurie, tears in her eyes. 
And saw the Dreamspeaker Master and Norma sitting there looking at 
her.

The Dreamspeaker Master asked, "Jacqui, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

Norma said, {She saw her mom.  And her mom said some nasty things to her.}

The Dreamspeaker Master nodded his understanding.  "And let me guess, 
you, unfortunately, cannot disagree with what she said."

"How did you know?"

"You slipped into what's known as the Mirror Zone.  It's called that 
because it reflects a portion of the soul back upon the person, 
usually a portion they'd rather not face.  The Mirror Zone seems to 
wander the Umbra, sucking travelers into it without cause or warning."

Jacqui nodded.  "She pointed out how selfish I'd been, refusing to 
even give her gift a chance."

"And were you?"

"Yes.  I had to admit that I was happier as a girl, but when I was 
transformed, I lashed out horribly."

The Dreamspeaker Master nodded.  "Well, I think it's time to go."

"Wait.  How do I deal with this?"

"Accept it."

"Is that the best advice you can give?  Accept it?"

"Jacqui, not even the greater Masters of Time can change the past. 
It's rumored that the Oracles of Time might have that power, but 
they're not talking.  If you dwell on the past, you fail to face the 
present.  Accept it, learn from your mistakes, and get on with your 
life."

Jacqui thought about it and nodded.

"Now come on.  We have an Akashic Master to save."

************

Bronwyn and Tarina hovered in the spirit world just outside her 
bedroom.  The physical world was plainly visible from here and 
Bronwyn could see her body perfectly preserved.  She turned to 
Tarina.  "Thank you."

Tarina said, "I'm just doing as my heart dictates."

Bronwyn asked, "If I make it back, is there a message you'd like me 
to give Joe?"

"Tell him...  Tell him I love him,and I'm sorry I didn't have the 
strength to return his love for me."

Bronwyn felt the pain in her voice and hugged Tarina to her.  "Thank 
you, Tarina.  For everything."

Bronwyn turned and attempted to penetrate the Gauntlet, the barrier 
that prevented direct access from the consensual reality to the Umbra 
and vice versa.  She felt the same pain she had felt upon dying, the 
pain inflicted by that thing.  She tried to fight it, focusing on her 
love for Joe.  But as much as she tried, the pain pushed back harder. 
She cried out in despair.  "Forgive me, Joe.  I cannot make it."

Then she felt Tarina's hands upon her, pushing her, helping her face 
her pain.  But Bronwyn knew that Tarina was facing the pain she had 
felt when she died, and neither one of them had been able to face 
that pain the first time.  How would they be able to face it now?

************
-- 
"This is reality, not T.V.  Can't you tell the difference?"
"Sure.  I just like T.V. better."

J R D
jrdss@pobox.alaska.net

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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