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Message-ID: <32972asstr$1003270207@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: orestes007@hotmail.com (Orestes)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 16 Oct 2001 18:42:59 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} Restraint (MC-drugs NC MF mF warning) by Orestes
Date: Tue, 16 Oct 2001 18:10:07 -0400
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Restraint

By Orestes

orestes007@hotmail.com
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Orestes

***
 This work is copyright (c) 2001 by Orestes. You may  download and
keep copies for your personal use as long as all author related
information and this paragraph remain on the copies. I don't mind if
you send it along to a friend, repost it to an appropriate newsgroup,
or post it to your adult-oriented web site, so long as you don't
charge money for any of these activities. No alteration of the
contents is permitted.
***

antipsychotic neuroleptic antidepressant antiparkinsonian haldol

I got to get my head together there's not much time - thankyou
thankyou thankyou for taking me away from him. Jesus I can't even
think strait I'm so excited. Look at how my hand is shaking god I hope
you can read this.

STAFFORD has given me some paper and a pen. Finally!!! The other
nurses couldn't understand my talking and if you hadn't have said that
"no drugs" I'm sure they would've put me under chemical restraint and
everything would be lost again. They tied me to my bed instead - it's
funny how a little strap can hold me down so easily just a little
strap and buckle and they can ignore me again. And I was feeling so
out of control that I'm sure I wasn't making any sense but it's always
like that when the neuroleptic drug begins to lift off of my brain and
I can start thinking again it's like everything I've been feeling and
thinking has been bottled up and I can't decide what to let loose
first.

Jesus what a mess. And I used to be a teacher too but now I can't even
make myself look at what I'm writing to see if any of it makes sence.
I can't even stop myself I'm going too fast.

I don't deserve this even though it was me who fell in love with a
student -- but not the way anybody would think. I don't blame Kelly at
all I still love her even though its caused so much trouble in my
life. I fell in love with a little girl and she fell in love with me
and that was why I even let my guard down and thought that maybe I
could love Eric too. She didn't have a mother and she wanted so badly
to be a little girl. I'm telling you all of this to try to make you
understand after all of the horrible things he said about me - even
though he's the one who should be locked away.

I'm getting the shakes again and theyre really bad this time. This
happens more and more often and I think that Eric gives me too many
pills and when it starts to wear off I get these painful tremors and
then he gives me another drug - antiparkinsonian he says - and the
shakes go away. But I won't get those drugs here because you said "no
drugs" and I'm happy about it even if it is making me look bad to the
staff here. STAFFORD is watching me try to write like he has all night
and I'm sure he just thinks I'm as bad off as anyone else in this
place but he's humouring me by letting me try to write. I don't know
if it's his first name or last name I just see it on his name tag and
I hope he doesn't get caught for letting my hands out of restraints
and gets in trouble.

FUCK sorry I'm off topic I've got to write down the details so that
you'll know how he did this to me and that I don't need him to take
over my power of attorney and take care of me for the rest of my life
on my disability insurance.

It was foolish foolish foolish to let him meet my friends and family
and to give them all the idea that he was a serious relationship even
though I knew I didn't want to be with him. I only went to see him
because I wanted to talk to him about the way that Kelly was relating
to the other girls at school. Phil Bentsen knows about this because I
talked to him and he was the school counsellor who told me that she
was AT RISK because of her broken home and hadn't paid attention in
her previous years class either and seemed to only make friends with
younger girls. And you can ask him if you want. I was really worried
about her. She didn't like music or boys or anything that the other
girls were interested in. Kelly always wanted to play with girls in
the lower grades, and dressed a lot younger in a CUTE sort of way that
made her not fit in. And I knew that it must be something at home, and
so I went to see him.

Eric raised her in such an adult world. I cried that night when I went
home. Kelly just sat there looking really upset that I was seeing
everything - the alcohol and drugs and pornography that Eric shared
with his friends at the trailer court. And he was still a young guy
himself but he liked to live this lifestyle and worked a job that (I
found out later) was below his intelligence level with easy women and
other indulgences at night. She didn't belong here or at least was
trying her very best not to. And not to be unnaturally mature like the
other dirty little kids who were raised here.

Of course he didn't take me seriously at all and what I found out
later was that he was the son of a doctor and had chosen to live like
this instead of living under the pressure of his parents, but
nonetheless looked down on everything and everyone as stupid in
comparison to his potential. Even me as a school teacher, he thought
was a job for overpaid baby sitters and people who couldn't find other
jobs. But he didn't tell me all of this right away. He sort of played
a part that made me think he was just a guy who had let everything
fall apart and wasn't able to provide the home that his daughter
needed. And maybe if I was just strong enough to help him out he could
really be better than this. Even though he had a twelve year old
daughter, he was still a couple of years younger than me, and I guess 
I let myself buy the image of the unprepared father who just couldn't
pull it together.

It was IMPORTANT he said to meet my friends and family and for
everyone to know that we were together even though he constantly
embarrassed me and I could already tell that he was hitting on other
girls. But I guess I'm pretty attractive compared to the kind of
low-class girl he was accustomed to doing his THING with from around
the trailer court. And so he was happy at first with our sex life even
though I wasn't really into the things he was into.

More than anything I wanted a family wich is what Kelly wanted too and
I was mostly just happy when I could spend time with her and braid her
hair and she liked to sleep with me too, so I slept in her bed with
her and even helped her with her bathing and dressing in the morning.
She always wanted to be babied and I was beginning to know that this
was the same problem she was having at school. Kelly wanted to be
allowed to be a little girl, like she had never been given the chance
to be around Eric and all of his trashy friends who always wanted her
to play the part of an adult with alcohol and drugs and god knows what
else. But she was smarter than that, and I love her for it, and she
just wanted to take two steps backwards and be a little immature...
and I was willing to help her out with that.

But family wasn't very important to Eric. When I was around he wanted
to have sex in ways that even if I enjoyed them always made me feel
dirty. It was my price for being a part of his daughters life and I'm
sure she knew I was paying it because she could hear me crying out
from his bedroom and always gave me a big hug afterwards when I went
into her bed. Sometimes he wanted it really rough and he would talk
dirty to me about all of the things he wanted to do with me, and even
if I did manage to get INTO it, he would get mad at me afterwards
because I didn't want to take it to the next step. A lot of the time,
though, he just wanted me to shut up and stay still while he watched
his pornographic films and imagined himself into the action and just
used my body as a source of warm tight holes and tits to help him to
play out his fantasies, and if I had an orgasm every once in a while
it made no difference to him.

When other teachers and my girl friends and my sister met him, I was
embarrassed by the way he treated me and it always seemed to me that
everyone just KNEW that he was treating me like his personal little
masturbation aid and that I was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID for moving in
with him and for letting him influence the way I dressed and letting
him drive my car and for everything else I was giving up. But they
didn't understand about Kelly, and how much I wanted to make her life
so much better than what she was getting.

I wanted to leave, and I think I would have eventually. Eric knew it.
Kelly did too.

That's when I had my accident but it wasn't an accident at all. I'm
sure of it, even though I don't remember anything. I just went to bed
one night and I remember the police at the accident scene and the way
that Eric was there and told the cops that he would take me to the
doctor right away.

But Doctor BURKE is not a real doctor. I mean he might have a medical
degree but he hasn't be practising medicine at all and he makes money
from a lucrative practice in the poor part of town going through
patients as quickly as he can. He's the kind of doctor youd see a news
magazine report on because he would order false tests or find some way
to defraud the insurance companies to make a little more money. All of
the teachers know about him because any student who missed time could
get a doctor's note even if we knew they weren't sick but that's the
way he does things - missing school, want a few days off of work, okay
- fifty bucks and he'll give a signature.

And I'm sure he was more than willing to bill my insurance company for
tests that were never done because Eric told him what diagnosis to
give.

I don't remember all of that. I didn't even see much of it until I was
in court with you and he was showing all of the police reports and
medical reports and that horrible video... oh god, I can't believe he
showed you that video.

I'll give you Valium at first Eric said, to keep you in bed until the
good stuff arrives. I didn't fight it because I was really feeling
sore from my injuries, and it eased the pain and made it easy to
sleep. Kelly took good care of me but I could tell that she was crying
a lot, and I didn't really understand because I could see that my
injuries weren't really that bad. But she really cared about me I know
it and I'm sure she already knew what her daddy was going to do to me.

The next day when he gave me my pills there was an odd sort of urgency
in him like he was really anxious for me to go back to sleep and he
stood over me while I swallowed down my pills and then sat at my
bedside while the horror of their effects crept up on me. These aren't
like the petty tranquilizers they give rich women who get bored he
told me, he said their much stronger then that and I could already
feel it. He laughed. In the NUT HOUSE they call these chemical
restraints sometimes and you'll soon know why he said and then I had
trouble understanding him because he would watch me for a while and
then tell me a little more but I could feel something happening to the
way I was thinking.

N E U R O L E P T I C - I kept trying to spell the word in my head
even though I knew that I was getting dull but I wanted to prove to
myself that I wasn't totally brain dead. He told me that the drugs
were neuroleptic and I didn't know what he meant at first but he
explained it to me. I think he really wanted me to understand what
they were doing to me and he got a kick out of it. NEUROLEPTIC like
they give to people with major mental disorders just to keep them
quiet and passive in the mental wards but the irony of it is that a
lot of them don't really seem too crazy until they get the drugs. They
change you. It's all chemical, Eric told me. He said that it changes
the way that your brains chemical receptors work, and it really
sounded like hed done his research.

He got a kick out of telling me all of this while I felt it all
happening to me. I guess I lost track of time in that first couple of
days while he gave me pills and tried out different dosages on me to
see what would make me look the most like I had a severe brain injury
which is the same story he told you in the court room. I would just
get little moments when I would understand what he was saying and it
was all so HORRIBLE that I tried to cry but I couldn't find the
emotion at the moment.

And once he had the right dosages of drugs I know he controlled me
completely and he knew just the right amount to keep me STILL because
that was what he really liked when he had sex with me. He wanted me
there as just a limp passive body for him to fuck and fill with cum
and to fuck my tits and whatever else happened in the video he was
watching. I knew it was happening but most of the time I was mostly
indifferent to it because he did it when the drugs were at their
strongest and I wasn't able to string two thoughts together and now I
knew why they called them CHEMICAL RESTRAINTS because I couldn't even
form the intent to move.

Kelly was my angel. When ERIC was done with fucking me he would let
her take care of me and bath me and feed me and dress me. And I wasn't
able to help her much with my feeding and most of the time I just
wasn't interested so she fed me BABY FOOD because her dad didn't show
her how to make anything else that I could eat and that's when I was
most embarrassed because I would be drooling and I would have baby
food on my face and Kelly was so patient with me and cleaned me up and
dressed me in whatever clothes she thought were the nicest. I think
for her that it was a little like playing with a doll but I could tell
that she really loved me because she would sing to me and cuddle up
for a nap on my bed.

When we were alone together I felt much better but I always knew that
HE would come back with more drugs later and I never knew if her would
get the same drugs or something with more side effects because he was
buying them on the streets (with MY MONEY) and he couldn't always get
the same drugs twice. I was scared and sometimes when the drugs
weren't keeping me fully STUPID I tried to talk to Kelly about what
her father was doing.

I DON"T NEED THE PILLS telling her over and over again but Kelly never
wanted to believe me at all and she finally told me to hush up and she
said something that made me really sick in my heart. She said that
Yes, I really do think you need the pills that Daddy is giving you
because your sick in the brain like the doctor says and that it's
better this way because if you weren't sick that you would leave us
and then I'd be all alone with Daddy again. And she HAD to believe it
you could see in her eyes. She was afraid to lose me, and so I stopped
trying to tell her.

It was early on that my family and co-workers evaporated. They were
really concerned at first but once Eric took me in a wheelchair and
put a bicycle helmet on my head and gave me extra drugs so that I was
drooling and making funny sounds he brought me to see my sisters and
my school and everyone gave me this pitiful look because of how
pathetic I had become. Eric put on such an act like he was putting on
a brave face and loved me so much that he was going to take good care
of me.

My sister is a nice person and I know she loves me but she's a little
SELF-CENTRED and I've always known it. My mother used to tell me that
we were opposites and that I was always helping my sister too much but
it never bothered me. But this time it did because I could see that
look in her eye when she saw Eric pushing me around and my head all
flopped over and I could see her just thanking god that Eric was
willing to take care of me and that she was off the hook. I began to
cry when she was talking to Eric in the other room and wrote him a
cheque and I knew that she wouldn't even come to visit me.

At first some of my co-workers came to see me, but they didn't last
long and what good would it do anyway? HE would just dope me up
earlier so that they would think my brain was mashed and I couldn't
even talk.

Once he was over that first month or two, and people stopped thinking
about it because that's what people do and they don't want to always
be thinking about depressing things and wanted to get along with their
lives and once that happened, Eric had me fully under his control and
he enjoyed revealing his every cruelty to me slowly.

SIDE EFFECTS he told me could include a lack of appetite and extreme
thirst both of which I knew were true because I was always begging for
something to drink. His favourite side effect was swollen breast
tissue and he really loved to abuse my tits until they were so tender
I could barely stand it but I couldn't do anything about it because he
had put straps on my bed to keep my hands down and would sometimes
keep me tied down for days at a time.

Another possible side effect he told me with some glee was TD or brain
damage caused by the high doses of medication I was on. The longer I
was on them the worse my chances and eventually even if he did take me
off the drugs I would have brain damage and wouldn't be able to
control GROTESQUE movements of my body and especially my face and
mouth. And he could see how much the idea of it upset me and so he
constantly threatened to up the dosages. He especially did this when
he allowed the drugs to lapse a bit to get me some exercise because he
didn't want my body to get all flabby on him. So he would let me get
back a little bit of control two or three times a week to work on my
muscle tone but he always kept a close watch on me and told me that he
would punish me with higher levels of drugs if I tried to make any
trouble.

He always won in the end. I would do my hour on the exercise bicycle
and do stretches and aerobics and anything else he wanted so that he
could have a girl with a cute ass to fuck and then he would feed me
Haldol and I would feel all of my control slipping away again and by
the time Kelly got home from school I would be back to eating baby
food and being treated like a doll for her to play with.

I think that ERIC has a couple of friends who know the TRUTH and I
hope you can find them. There a big guy who I'm sure lives in the
neighbourhood and another smaller guy who Eric probably works with and
they would come over a lot and hang out and then at night Eric would
let them have sex with me while he videotaped it but that's not the
video tape you saw and I'm sure that the evidence is somewhere and
maybe you can get a search warrant and find them in the trailer.

These PIGS didn't mind at all that I was just laying there and
couldn't do much but groan with displeasure while they did awful and
sometimes painful things to my body. And even though my mind wasn't
working very well Eric liked to make sure that I was awake and I knew
what was happening to me. Max is fucking your ass dear, he would tell
me, aren't you glad I'm getting this on videotape ?

Sometimes they would stay the night and I remember one time Eric
thought it would be funny in the morning to have all three guys cum on
my face before Kelly came in to feed me and then Eric told her that he
had tried feeding me and the baby food was all over my face and that
she should make sure I finished my meal. He stood there smugly while
his little girl spoon fed me their cum for my breakfast. He absolutely
loved humiliating me like that, and would tell me about it for days
afterwards just in case the drugs had made me forget about it.

The one thing that I took any happiness from at all was that Kelly was
doing well and had even started to make friends at school and was
keeping up with her homework and had joined basketball. I kept on
thinking that maybe just having me around and with her taking on such
a nurturing role was allowing her to grow up a bit without feeling
threatened and it made me so happy. I can remember the first time she
brought friends home from school and they were hanging out and then
they came in to see me and Kelly wasn't ashamed of me at all. I
recognized the kids because they were from the class that I used to
teach and I was glad to see them and they all seemed to be treating
Kelly well.

Almost every day, she brought new friends home but she never neglected
me and I know that she still loves me so much because she sends her
friends home to feed me and take a nap on my bed and likes to still
talk to me like a real mother.

But even with Kelly having friends ERIC had to try to find a way to
ruin things and he finally succeeded because one day when Kelly was
sending her friends home I guess he must have talked to some of the
boys and invited them over for the next day. And he must have known
that Kelly wouldn't be home because she had a basketball game and when
the boys arrived they looked all uncomfortable and didn't understand
why they had been invited over. And then Eric just left me alone with
them.

I don't blame the boys. Rylan is a good kid. Paul is a bit of a
trouble maker, but he always respected me in the classroom. Simon was
just a tag-along. I don't blame them at all really it was just
inevitable and Eric knew it that if her left the boys alone with me
and told them that he wouldn't be back for a few hours that the
temptation would be too much. Boys at that age just can't control it
and I know that its a common male fantasy to imagine the teacher
naked.

They didn't take too long and they tried their best to clean me up
afterwards and pretend like nothing happened but they didn't hesitate
a second when Eric invited them back next week to watch me again while
he went to see Kelly play basketball.

Eric taunted me afterwards about it telling me that I must have really
gotten off because my pussy was so wet but it wasn't true or at least
I had nothing to do with it he had me so drugged up I could barely
move but he was determined to humiliate me and so he let the drugs
wear off a bit and then began to play with my clitoris to see if he
could get a reaction. While the drugs were working all of my senses
were dulled but he knew that as they wore off that I couldn't really
control myself too well.

So he kept me like that just barely drugged while he teased me and
said humiliating things in my ear and played his pornographic video
tapes for me until he could feel a physical reaction but just when I
began to get into it he would stop and leave me frustrated and my
hands tied so that I couldn't do anything about it but he would leave
the VCR running to keep me aroused and then come back an tease me some
more in an hour.

I don't know how long he played this game but each time he came back I
was more and more desperate and he would say more awful things to me
and tease me about how much it turned me on when I was left alone with
the boys from Kelly's class and I shook my head and denied it but he
could feel my body moving against his hand and he knew that I had been
starved of sexual release for months and I couldn't control myself.

I had a seizure and he gave me some of those antiparkinsonian drugs I
told you about that I need when the neuroleptics begin to wear off. He
made fun of me telling me that I was worse when I was off of the
drugs. Your like an animal he said to me, humping your body against me
and grunting like a pig and watching the TV screen your better off
when I have you all drugged up and at least then you have an excuse
for what you do but right now you should see the way your face looks
all screwed up and trying to get an orgasm and you can fight against
the restraints as much as you like but I'm not ready to let you cum
yet.

You've got to understand I needed it so badly and it had been so long
and he continued to torture me with his finger for a while and even
with his tongue and just waiting until the last moment to leave me
desperate and gasping. I really wasn't myself at all. You've got to
believe me.

I'm saying this to explain what you saw on the videotape. You only saw
the end and of course he wouldn't show you the rest. He had just
loosened the strap on my right hand a bit and left me alone like that
so aroused and not quite able to reach. And you wouldn't see it in the
tape that he left the pornography on and that's why I look like I'm
out of it and I guess after struggling a while I got my hand near
enough to try to relieve myself and I know it must look bad on the
tape but I swear that I didn't know that Kelly was in the next room in
the background of the videotape while I was rubbing myself and
grunting and trying so hard to get my orgasm.

I can understand what it looks like to you and I know Eric planned it
this way to make it look like I'm incompetent and that I'm so out of
control that I would play with myself sexually in front of an innocent
little girl like Kelly but it really wasn't my fault. I just needed it
so badly and he had been teasing me so long and I didn't even know
that Kelly was around until I exploded and then she was beside me and
I began to cry.

Since then he has had his friends over a lot and shows them the
videotape to humiliate me and he still invites the boys from my class
over to watch me when he goes out even though he knows what will
happen to me when he leaves me that drugged up. None of the boys even
wears a condom and I shudder to think about what these kind of drugs
would do to a baby if I actually got pregnant. I wonder if Eric would
even tell anyone.

And I guess you wouldn't have heard about any of this unless my
insurance company finally stepped in and wanted Eric to have power of
attorney over me before they would give him a cash settlement. When he
took me to see you at the courthouse that day, he made sure I was out
of it but as soon as I saw a real judge I became determined to be able
to say something or draw your attention.

I don't even know you, but my heart jumped because I knew I finally
had a chance. And you were so sceptical of the medical evidence when
Eric showed it to you and you asked him tough questions and even when
the video tape played, I could see that you weren't just disgusted by
the subject matter but that you were looking for real EVIDENCE.

Well here it is !!! I've finally written it out even though STAFFORD
stopped me a couple of times and took it away while the nurses visited
during the night. And now I can see that morning is coming and
STAFFORD has taken a break from mopping the floors to read all of the
other pages of this account that I'm writing to you and he seems to
understand it.

I finally think that I have a chance. I can hardly restrain myself -
but I guess the straps that keep me on the bed are doing the job for
me !

Oh god...

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. That's got to be it.

PLEASE let it just be that I'm paranoid because of all of the drugs
I've been on for so long. But I don't want to give STAFFORD this last
page because when he finished reading the other pages he went and made
a phone call and was looking at me while he talked and nodding his
head and my stomach is telling me that - its warning me about who he's
talking to and JESUS...

please let this just be my mind playing tricks...

but he went away for a minute and now I see him just outside of my
room and he's preparing a needle...

is a JANITOR really supposed to be administering dru

***

Comments can be forwarded to: orestes007@hotmail.com

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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