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Subject: {ASSM} Confessions of a cross-dressing cocksucker m/F, m/M
Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 10:10:02 -0400
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Confessions of a cross-dressing cocksucker

My story starts when I was 15 years old.
I was a regular kid; that is to say, heterosexual and horny.
There was a woman who lived in our building, a black woman.  I
guess she was about 30 years old at the time, and she was damn
good looking.  I often used to meet her in the elevator when I
was coming home from school.  She would be coming home from her
job at about the same time. She always used to flirt with me, at
first just that little smile that women use on men [and boys]
with such wonderful effect.  Then we started having little
snippets of conversation on the way up.  Then one day, as several
other people crowded into the elevator, she stood behind me and
fondled my ass all the way up to the ninth floor. "Why don't you
just come on up to my place, baby."  She whispered in my ear
after the other passengers had got out. I knew she was married,
but this was a 15-year-old boys dream; a beautiful experienced
woman to take my cherry; no swell, no tell.  That's what everyone
used to say.  My dick used to get hard just from Delilah's smile,
and I was so nervous I couldn't even talk as the door opened and
closed again on my floor, and we rode on up to 12, and crept down
the hallway to her apartment. I guess she was about my height,
and probably she outweighed me slightly.  It wasn't that she was
heavy, but rather that I was a skinny kid. My first kiss; I can
remember it clearly, the thrill, the excitement, the anticipation
of so much more to come. Her body felt so wonderful against me,
her black skin was so smooth and desirable under my white little
hands. Delilah undressed me, stripping off everything until I was
completely naked, white and vulnerable, a toy for her pleasure.
She kissed me and played with my white erection, and it was more
wonderful than anything I had ever imagined. It was some time
before her clothes were also away, and my hands were filled with
her breasts.  Her hard nipples seemed to call my lips to them,
and she held my head in her hands as I suckled her. She had high
cheekbones and wonderful big clear eyes. Her complexion was
wonderfully smooth, and I had no reluctance towards giving her my
virginity. Finally, she couldn't wait any longer; she pulled me
gently into the valley of her love, took my penis in her hand and
guided it into her inpatient wet vagina.  Her hands on my ass set
the rhythm, and soon afterwards, with an orgasm so hard it hurt
for hours later. I was no longer a virgin. Delilah and I made
love nearly every day for the next month or so. She taught me
what she wanted from me, and I loved every minute of my time with
her.  She loved to suck my cock, and the smile on her face and
the light in her eyes was simply beautiful to behold. Then we got
caught.
Sean, Delilah's husband, was a large man.  I saw him first,
staring down at us with fire in his eyes and his fists clenched
tightly at his sides.  I was lying on my back, and Delilah's head
was down in my lap happily sucking my young white cock. A couple
of awful seconds passed, and suddenly Delilah became somehow
aware that something was wrong.  I suppose my body going tense
and my dick going slack might have had something to do it. When
she saw him, her body went limp, her mouth hung open and her eyes
bugged out in abject fear. "Oh shit.  Sean!"
My sentiments exactly.
Delilah stood up, as I scrambled for my clothes. "Oh God.  I'm so
sorry Sean.  I..." "Shut up, woman!"  He growled, giving her a
shove that propelled her to the far wall.  Then he turned to me,
and I thought I was going to die. "You little white piece of
shit!  I should break your bones, I should ring your neck!" "No,
Sean!  Please!"  Delilah begged him, "He's only a boy!  Don't
hurt him, Sean!" Sean really didn't seem to know exactly how he
should react.  I was no match for him; beating me up could lead
to a lot of trouble but little satisfaction.  Not to mention that
everyone would inevitably want to know why he had done it; his
friends and neighbors knowing about Delilah being unfaithful to
him with a little white kid like me would be worse to him than
the actual infidelity. But I figured all of that out later, at
the time I was just shit scared. "You, Blondie."  He said to me,
get down on your knees!  Tell me why I shouldn't beat the crap
out of you." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  I blubbered, naked on my
knees, "It was wrong of me, I shouldn't have done it, I'm only
15!  Please sir, don't hurt me." Big Sean looked confused.  He
wanted to do something to me, but he couldn't beat up a sniveling
kid. "You've been taking what was mine, boy."  He said, "How you
going to pay for that?" "I don't know," I whined, "I'll do
whatever you want, anything." "Anything?  What could you do for
me to cover this?"
He towered over me, scowling, as a100 possibilities rushed
through my terrified mind.  "All right, boy.  Suck my dick."
And he unzipped his trousers and pulled it out.
It was soft, black, and uncircumcised.  A piece of slack hose
about five inches long.  I stared at it in horror. He seemed to
be enjoying my reaction to his demand. "Go on, boy.  You're gonna
give me what you've been getting.  If you don't want the beating
you deserve, you get your mouth around my dick." "No, Sean! 
Please, don't do this!"  Delilah begged him, attempting to save
my honor. "You keep quiet, woman!  And you watch.  You watch your
little white sissy boy suck my dick, because that's what he has
to do now.  He's got to do it and you've got to watch.  Open your
mouth, boy.  Go on, it won't hurt.  If you don't wanna fight me
like a man, then you suck my cock like a girl." It seemed like
the only way.  Nobody would ever know, so it wouldn't really
matter.  I couldn't let myself get beat up by this monster of a
man; reluctantly, I opened my mouth. "Wider, Blondie.  That's a
good girl, now take my black dick in your hand.  Now put it in
your mouth.  Suck girl, suck on it. Now that's not so bad, is it?
 How long has Delilah been sucking your little dick?  Do you
think you're better than my woman, white boy?  Delilah sucks
cock, and you can suck cock too.  What are you afraid of, white
boy?  You afraid of sucking a cock, or you afraid because it's a
black cock?  Are you afraid you hate it too much, or are you
afraid you might like it?" I wrapped my white hand around the
large dark organ.  There; I'd taken the first step.  I could get
through this, I told myself.  He wouldn't really make me do it,
he was just testing me.  He would let me go, I told myself. His
strong hand on the back of my head pulled my face to his groin. 
His stiffening penis slid between my naive lips. "That's the way,
white boy."  Sean said.
Sean's cock was now hard.  It was in my mouth, and I was sucking
it like he'd told me to.  I was so humiliated and afraid I was
ready to break into tears; but as he said, having his cock in my
mouth didn't hurt.  Not physically, anyway. But I was doing
something I knew to be completely unacceptable for a male to do,
It was the lowest possible act. It was the only way out, I was
telling myself.  I'm not queer, I have no choice. And anyway, I
realized, it was ok; certainly better than getting really injured
by him.  I had a man's penis in my mouth, it was sliding in out,
and I didn't feel any different. "Lick it, Blondie.  You show me
a good time.  That's what you owe me, Blondie, and you're going
to pay.  I'll teach you to fool around with another man's wife.
"You look at me now, Blondie.  I'm going to come in your mouth. 
Not just yet, but when the time comes, I'm going to shoot in your
mouth.  And you're going to swallow it, understand?  Don't worry
Blondie, it won't make you queer, unless you're queer anyway. 
All the girls swallow come these days with no problem at all. 
Hold my balls.  What's it like to hold a real man's balls in your
little white hand?  Are you watching this, Delilah?  Do you like
what I'm doing to your little white boyfriend?" Somehow, what
bothered the than most was that Delilah was there.  I could have
done this easily, I found myself thinking, if only nobody would
ever see, and nobody would ever know. I had more time to think
about that later; I realized then that it wasn't the physical act
that was humiliating as much as having someone know that I had
broken this taboo; "cocksucker", that's what I had become.
"Cocksucker". The word meant scum, it meant I was worthless, I
could never be a man. But in reality, the cock was inert; it had
no flavor of it's own. The balls were big and black; but they
were dry, it wasn't like they were slimy or something.  The cock
didn't burn my mouth, it didn't do anything.  I realized I was
getting off cheap. "I'm coming now, Blondie.  You better be
ready, 'cause here it comes." Suddenly, I was terrified again.  I
was about to be polluted, contaminated.  I tried to pull away.
But Sean held me by the ears so I couldn't escape as his big
pulsing black cock began to eject a large quantity of salty hot
semen into my mouth.  He clamped my head between his hands with
the strength of vice, and his powerful body shook as stream after
stream of horrible slime assaulted my innocent young mouth. I was
so disgusted, I almost puked.  But then I thought about what he'd
just said; Delilah did it, most girls did it.  If they survived
it, so could I. "Swallow, white boy.  Swallow it down."
He needn't have even said it.  With his dick still moving around
and all that slimy salty fluid in there, there was nothing else I
could do, and I was already swallowing involuntarily. I was
amazed at how easily it slid down.
"Get out of here now white boy.  Get out and don't come back." 
Said Sean, breathing heavily with the aftermath of the orgasm,
and looking nearly as confused by it all as I was. I was a very
perplexed young man, and I kept to myself for a while, wondering
if there would be any repercussions from what had happened. 
Would Sean come after me?  Would I be forever damaged from
sucking his dick, swallowing his come?  Was that slime even
digestible, or would it rot in my gut? After about a week, I was
just starting to feel as though perhaps I would be able to put it
all behind me, when I met Delilah in the elevator. "Come upstairs
with me."  She breathed in my ear, her breast against my shoulder
blade, her perfume in my nose. "No way, Delilah."  I told her.  I
might have been a horny little bastard, but I didn't want to die,
or suffer that horrible humiliation again. "But it's okay, honey.
 Sean said it would be all right."
"Sean said that?  Bullshit, I don't believe you.  If he catches
us, he's going to kill me." "No, no.  Really, he said it was all
right.  Only..."
"Yes, only what?"
"You have to, um, service him."
The door opened at my floor.  It closed again.
"I can't do that."
"Why not?  I do it all the time, it's nice."
"But you're a woman, Delilah.  It's different for you."
"Why's that?  It tastes just the same to me as to you.  You start
to like it after a while, it's fun.  Come on, honey!  Don't you
like me?  I sure like you.  I miss you, I was really digging our
little afternoons together.  Come on inside with me honey, and
I'm going to make you feel so good.  We can hang out together
until 6:00, when Sean comes home, and it will only take you five
or 10 minutes to settle things up with him.  Three hours with me
for five minutes with Sean; that's not a bad deal, honey." My
dick was like a rock, her hands were on my shoulders, her
handsome black face close to mine.  Her door opened and closed,
our mouths opened and met.

I thought I would slip out early, but Sean came home at 5.
He took in the situation coolly. "So.  You two couldn't leave it
out.  You know what you have to do, Blondie." My heart sank, but
I wasn't afraid this time.  I had to do it, I'd had my fun with
Delilah.  Now I had to do it. "Go on, sweetheart."  Delilah
encouraged me quietly, "You go ahead, it will be all right.  It's
just something you have to get used to, I remember I didn't like
it at first either.  But you'll see, it gets fun after a while. 
And Sean had such a nice one!  Go on honey, do it for me." I
crawled up to him.  His hands stayed slack at his sides as I
unbuckled his belt, opened his trousers and removed his nearly
erect penis. I hesitated, staring at the dark organ in my hands.
"Go on, honey."  Delilah said, "You can do it."
When hard, Sean's cock was at least nine inches long, and so
thick around that my thumb and forefinger could barely meet. It
was a great, glorious cock, and I wondered why it was that
Delilah was so hot for me with my little white thing. It was
easier on me this time, and as I sucked the cock of my lover's
husband, I found myself thinking that it was all right; I'd had
to hours of ecstasy with Delilah, kissing and stroking, fucking
and sucking, sharing orgasms with each other.  And all I had to
do was this simple little thing.  It wasn't hard work, it didn't
hurt [although it did take concentration]. It was Sean that
wanted it, not me, so if anything it was he who was the queer
one. Sean pushed me away.  I felt something strange;
disappointment?  Impossible. "I don't want it like this, standing
in my living room.  Come on in the bedroom, Blondie.  I want to
lay myself out and be comfortable.  You come too, Delilah.  You
better watch your boyfriend be a sissy." Delilah sat on the edge
of the bed, staring down at me as I sucked her husband's dick. 
It didn't seem to bother her; in fact I think she liked it. 
Well, she was clearly a kinky lady. "Lick my balls, Blondie. 
That's it, you keep a hold of my cock at the same time.  You're
not looking so worried this time, Blondie.  You don't mind much,
do you?  Do you like it, Blondie?  I think you do.  Sidle up
here, Delilah, give me a kiss while your boyfriend gives me
head." He paid no more attention to me as he fondled and kissed
his wife while I did my best to pleasure his rod.  Soon, his hand
clamped my head and his back arched; once more my mouth was
filled with come.  I swallowed it without much conflict. I didn't
see Sean for about a week after that.  But my adolescent libido
was kept satisfied by sweet Delilah.  God, that woman sure loved
to do it.  She was as hot as I was, and that's saying something.
"My sweet white baby" she used to call me.  She loved my white
skin, and she liked to cook for me too. But the Piper had to be
paid; I was told to report on Sunday afternoon. Sean looked at me
critically.
"I don't know, Delilah.  I like making him suck my dick, but I
feel funny about it.  Why don't you take him and dress him up in
some of your clothes.  And do something with his face, know what
I mean?" "All right, Sean.  Whenever you say, honey."  Delilah
said, seeming a little worried to me, and took me by the hand and
led me into the bedroom. "What does he mean, Delilah?  What about
my face?"  I was more than a little bit afraid of the answer.
"Nothing honey, nothing."  Delilah reassured me, "We'll just put
a little makeup on you so you look better to him." "Makeup?  No
way, Delilah.  I'm not doing that."
"You don't have to do a thing, honey.  I'll do it, you wouldn't
know how anyway." "I don't want to wear makeup like a girl,
Delilah."
"But honey, you've been sucking dick like the sweetest little
girl there ever was.  What difference does it make now?" I sat
numbly as Delilah carefully applied makeup to my face.  Mascara,
eyeshadow, blush, lipstick.  She clamped earrings to my ears, and
brushed my hair so it fell around my face. She found a pink
dress, and insisted I try it on.  It was a bit silly, since
Delilah has large breasts and I of course, had none. Nonetheless,
when I looked in the mirror I was amazed to see that I looked
like a young woman. Delilah seemed awfully pleased with her
handiwork. "Honey, you look sweet!  Let's go show you to Sean!  I
bet he'll be pleased." He was.
"Now that's more like it.  A sweet little white girlie.  What's
your name, girlie?" "Peter."  I answered him.  Almost the first
time I had said anything to him. "Petra.  Your name's Petra,
girlie.  Do you want to suck my black dick, Petra?" "Yes, Sean."
I answered him
"Talk softer, like a girl.  Do you want to suck my black dick,
Petra?" "Yes Sean."  I said again, in a soft voice this time.
"That's better. Go on, then."  He instructed me.
I was a girl.  A pretty blond girl, and Sean's hard cock in my
hand felt right.  I wanted to suck it, I wanted to pleasure him.
I wanted to bathe this wonderful object with my saliva, I wanted
to feel its texture with my tongue.  I wasn't yet admitting these
feelings completely to myself, but they were already there.  I
had sucked cock, and I wanted to do it again.  I watched his
handsome face while I sucked that wonderful penis into my mouth.
He watched me back, obviously enjoying the sight of his black
dick in my cute white face.  Enjoying my strange androgynous
look, a boy who looked like a girl, a male who had made love with
his wife now sucking his cock like a female. I tried take it
deeper, with limited success.  I felt the weight of his big black
balls in my palm, and found myself looking forward to feeling
them contract while my mouth filled with their fluid. "Oh baby,
you're one sweet thing Blondie."  Sean said after a time, a time
of pure delight. "I'm going to come now.  Do you want it,
Blondie?  Do you want to feel my stuff in your mouth?" "Yes,
Sean."  I paused to answer him, "I want it."
"Well here it comes, sweetheart.  Oh, yeah!"  And once more, I
felt the greasy sensation of hot saltiness filling my mouth.  But
this time, I wanted it. Sean never touched me or anything.  He
just liked me to dress up as a girl, and then for me to beg him
to let me suck his dick. Delilah got me a pair of strap on
silicone tits, and I got into wearing high heels and stockings. 
I let my hair grow longer, so it was easy to style in more a
feminine manner for Sean. And I liked it.
I liked being a woman, I liked giving head.  I liked it when he
came in my mouth, and I was his girl. I also very much liked
being a man.  I was all man with Delilah when we were alone,
fucking her like a champion stud horse. But then she would dress
me up for Sean, and it was like I could be another whole person;
another personality, a different sensuality, subservient.  Sean's
white trash girl. I know that what I was doing was completely
homosexual; but I never thought of myself as such.  I was just a
young man who had a secret second personality.  I had built a
little wall in my mind, and separated myself into Peter and
Petra.  Peter was mad for Delilah, her wonderful feminine
attentions.  Petra loved Sean, she loved to feel his masculine
energy, wind him up and release him. His big dick was wonderful,
noble, a joy in my mouth and in my hands.  I wanted more from
him, but I had all there was to get; my breasts were false,
without sensation, only for Sean's visual amusement.  I wanted to
be held and kissed by him sometimes, but he would never kiss me,
knowing what I was.  I wanted to get fucked by him, but I had no
pussy.  I knew that it was theoretically possible to have his
dick in my ass; but a big dick like Sean had was not for an
initiate.  And I would never instigate something like that
myself, anyway. But when I was in my normal clothes, I had none
of those feelings.  I was male.  I had a kind of vague longing to
become my female self, and feel those odd urges, but I didn't
feel the odd urges directly. This went on for a couple of years.
But then we all started to get bored.  We started to go out. We
went to clubs, and I danced and flirted with men while Sean and
Delilah kept an eye on me.  I danced with Delilah, and kissed her
openly on the dance floor.  Everyone thought we were lesbians,
and the three of us all loved the exhibitionist show. I strapped
my cock backwards against my ass, which wasn't as uncomfortable
as I had expected it to be when it became engorged.  I danced
closely with a strange man, and felt his hard on with my thigh
between his legs.  I let him kiss me, and the thrill was unlike
anything I had felt since my first experience with Delilah.  I
felt some conflict about doing this; the poor fellow thought I
was a woman, it seemed a crime to deceive him that way.  On the
other hand, if he never found out, what was the difference?  He
would be left with only pleasant memories. Sean came and rescued
me after a while, telling the man he was my husband.  We hurried
back home, where Delilah gave me head while I did the same with
Sean. It was dangerous experiment, but the three of us were so
excited by the nasty betrayal of the stranger, that we wanted to
do it again. Sean invited the next man to come back home withus.
"Sometimes, Delilah and Petra are more than I can handle by
myself, know what I mean?"  He said to the poor fellow, an arm
around each of our shoulders, "Why don't you come back to our
place, we could have some fun." The man looked in my face, and
the real excitement and anticipation he saw there convinced him
to take the chance. Of course, I couldn't undress.  My dick was
pulsing painfully, and I kissed the man, Fred, on Sean's sofa
while Delilah removed her clothes. I held him close so that he
couldn't fondle my artificial breasts; he opened the back of my
dress, and stroked my back and arms, as I shuddered in girlish
delight. I was afraid, he was getting close to discovering me;
then Sean pulled me away from him. "Delilah, why don't you sit
here with our guest.  Petra honey, would you like to show your
friend how you suck my dick?" "Oh yes, Sean.  Yes."  I said with
relief, and we sat opposite Fred and Delilah, me slowly sucking
my masters great dick, while my new friend Fred fondled Delilah's
genuine black breasts, played with her twat and kissed her while
they watched us. I didn't let my man come for a long time, and he
enjoyed the ecstasy and agony of it, while he let Fred go all the
way with Delilah. It was strange to watch his white ass moving up
and down between my Delilah's thighs.  Sweet and sour, pain and
pleasure, jealousy and joy.  So wonderfully perverse.  I know for
sure the Sean wasn't too happy about it, but he wanted to make us
girls happy.  The only way he could keep Fred from discovering
the truth about me, was to let him have his way with Delilah.
Delilah was clearly loving it, screwing this stranger in the safe
presence of her regular lovers. Fred pulled out, and put his
mouth to Delilah's clitoris; I didn't want to leave Sean, but I
had to try this new penis, white like mine but masculine like
Sean's. Intellectually, it's impossible to say why one should
feel different from another.  But I knew it to be a different
penis that I was servicing tonight, the penis of the stranger,
the penis of a man who had held me and kissed me, believing me to
be a real woman.  Pleasure and betrayal, dark and sticky,
sensuous and wonderful, smooth, hard and potent. I looked up to
see my sweet Delilah leaning over to suck her husband's wonderful
cock. "What  about you, Fred?"  Sean asked our new friend, "You
want to have a go?  Did you ever suck cock?" "I, a, no thanks,
Sean."  Fred answered him, to my happiness and disappointment.  I
would have liked to see my man's big black dick in Fred's mouth,
but by refusing, Fred had declared himself a real man.  And I had
seduced him; his white dick was in my pink mouth, my blue eyes
were batting at him while my hand squeezed his dick, while my
mouth clamped and sucked him until he couldn't hold back, and I
felt his hot strangers jism enter my eager sissy mouth. I got up
on the couch, and kissed sweet Delilah while Sean screwed her
"normally".  I almost let Fred get my skirt up, but then I told
him not to and he respected that.  Or perhaps he suspected, and
didn't want to know. We never saw him again, which was probably
just as well.
I went away to school soon after that, and lived as a normal
heterosexual boy, dating girls and having normal sex with them. 
It was good, it was fine.  I had occasional pangs of longing for
my makeup kit and female clothes, but being straight was also all
right. I had cut my hair short, but when I came back home for the
summer, Delilah dressed me up for Shawn like she used to. "Hey
blue eyes, good to see you." Sean said and gave me a hug; for a
brief ecstatic moment, I thought he might even kiss me. I was
amazed at how excited I was as I unpacked Sean's great cock an
hour or two later; I was trembling with anticipation, it had only
been so long since I'd had this privilege.  I'd nearly forgotten
the joy of being a girl, of sucking cock and making a man come.

 we all went out like before.
I looked wonderfully demur with my short hair, and it didn't seem
to have any detrimental effect on my attractiveness to men.  I
teased many while under the protection of my man, but only once
or twice did we dare to take one home. Once more, I enjoyed
myself kissing and fondling, but it was Delilah who had to finish
the job.  Not that she seemed to mind.  It really surprised me
that Sean was willing to put up with it, but I guess somewhere he
also enjoyed the pain and pleasure of watching his wife enjoy
another man. When I arrived home for the second summer, my
darlings had a surprise for me; a vibrating dildo, so small,
something for the virgin ass.  Delilah sucked my cock and worked
it inside, and the sensation was more than I could have ever
hoped for. Slowly and lovingly, my darling stretched and prepared
my ass, making me accustomed to penetration.  And before I left
to go back to school, Sean did it to me. We went out dancing
first, and we made spectacle of ourselves; Delilah and I did our
girl/girl routine, and we both flirted with a table full of
college boys.  Sean had been watching quietly, and came to
collect us when he'd had enough. "Oh man, you're not going to
take both of these ladies away, are you?"  One of the college
boys asked. "I'm afraid so, pal."  My main man answered him,
pudding a strong arm around each of our slim waists.  I was so
into my role, I was so much a woman, that I forgot myself.  I
took Sean's face between my hands, and I kissed him. And he
kissed me back.
And it was wonderful.
We went home, and Delilah stripped me down for him.  She reamed
my ass with a medium vibrator, she licked my ass hole, she
greased our man's love pole. I was his woman, his sissy boy.  His
powerful hands on my ass pulled me open, and my anticipation was
finally relieved as I felt the tip of his familiar manhood in
this unfamiliar place. Sean pushed gently, and slowly he eased
his large black dick into my small white waiting body.  He
reached under my hip, and for the first time ever, he took my
penis in his hand.  He squeezed me and fondled me while he fucked
me carefully, slowly, enjoying it as much as I was. Delilah
stroked my head and back, and soon I couldn't take any more; I
came, a wonderful powerful release of tension and passion. Sean
wasn't through, and he kept fucking me.
It's the wonderful thing about being a girl, or sissy boy.  Even
after you come, you can still please your lover.  Our man was
good, and the sensation of his hot hard member sliding in and out
of my rectum was painful but totally desirable.  I felt myself
getting hard again, and as Sean exploded into my backside, I came
again, although there was nothing in my balls to actually
ejaculate.  I came like a woman, my muscles contracting and
spasms running through my frame, but with very little fluid
extrusion. After my graduation, and then my marriage, I've only
seen Sean and Delilah once or twice a year.  Only then do I
relive these strange dark desires of mine, and I've never done it
without their protection. I don't know how you found out about
me, honey.  But since you know, I felt the compulsion to tell you
everything. I don't know if you can take me back now that you
know about me.  But I'm glad I've told you anyway. You know where
I'm staying.  I hope you'll call.
I love you with all my heart, Peter

Please send coments, praise, or damnation to;
bigby@mailparrot.com Thanks.








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