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Message-ID: <31588asstr$995793004@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: "Canyonero" <canyonero14@excite.com>
Reply-To: "Canyonero" <canyonero14@excite.com>
Subject: {ASSM} SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F)  [Part 5]
Date: Sun, 22 Jul 2001 05:10:04 -0400
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SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F)
[Part 5]

  The spaceship Orgasma exited hyper space and temporal
space simultaneously.  On the ship's viewscreen the
glittering planet coY-oh-teSS grew larger.
  Even from this great distance, Michael Slunk could
distinctly see the planet in the dark of space.  As the
ship neared, it looked to Michael as to be all the excesses
of the Las Vegas strip magnified by a thousand times.  A
gigantic sign glowed in bright letters, powered by fusion
and injected with a pink gas to give it color.  The sign
was in orbit around coY-oh-teSS or perhaps coY-oh-teSS
was in orbit around the sign.  The sign was that huge.
  The sign proudly displayed "The Orgy at the End of Time".

  Zipper Doubledix's two dicks immediately became erect
once the ship returned to normal space and he saw the
sign.  He'd been here before and it was always a bang.
  Forny Perfect's pussy juices were running down her legs.
She'd always wanted to come here.  She was high in
anticipation.
  Pleasure, the lone surving female from the former planet
Earth, focused on guiding the ship into parking.  She
didn't know what to expect so she wasn't aroused, but
she was excited to have a chance for additional sexual
experimentation with other beings.
  Michael just didn't want be confined to the ship.  Every
time he went somewhere to masturbate, Org1, the sex droid,
would suddenly show up and Michael would have to stop real
fast before Org1 forced him to have sex with it.  To
quickly deflate his dick, he thought of Sally Jessy
Raphael, Delta Burke, and Ed Asner in an three-way and
they want him to join him.  That always worked.  But since
Michael hadn't been able to ejaculate, he was sexually pent
up.

  Pleasure smoothly parked the Orgasma in an open spot in
the midst of hundreds of ships already there.  The crew
got ready to disembark.
  "Would you stand still, Forny?" said Zip.  "You're
making the floor all wet with your leaking.  I don't want
to get a broken dick by slipping and falling down.  That
would make me very irritable."
  "Ok, ok," replied Forny, realizing there was some truth
in his statement.
  "How's it coming, Pleasure?" asked Zip.
  "Good, Zip,"  said Pleasure.  "I've downloaded the
current guest list at the orgy, plus who is scheduled to
arrive while we're there.  I've calculated how much energy
they are likely to generate which will feed into the ship.
The ship will not have to be recharged for...er... for a
long, long time."
  "Wow!" said Zip.  "Good job."
  "Thanks," said Pleasure.  She felt SO attracted to Zip
right now, but she was determined to try out some other
beings.
  "One thing though," Pleasure added.
  "What?" said Zip.
  "Because we are taking the orgasmic energy, each time
any one comes they might have a slight strange or
unpleasant after taste
  "Like diet 7-Up?" interjected Michael.
  "Exactly," said Pleasure.  It was a good analogy.
  "I can deal with that," said Zip.  "Let's go."

  Michael's eyes bugged out.  In front of him was a
giant mass of beings.  They were all in the festivities
of sexual pleasure.  Beings that looked like snakes,
some that looked like insects.  Some were short and
cube like.  Some had obvious genitals, others did not.
One being looked like a digital wristwatch.  The hands
on its face made it look happy.
  Misters sprayed from overhead something soothing and
sex-scented to keep the participants active.  It would
do no good for business if the customers got tired too
fast and felt they didn't get their money's worth.
  A live band played strange music with a loud,
repetitive thumping bass beat.  It brought to Michael's
mind the drummer who pounded the beat on slave ships.
  Zip wasted no time.  He found a shapely female being
who was sucking on another's dick and he entered her
ass and pussy simulataneously with his two dicks.
  Her moaning got the attention of others.  Some looked
over.
  "Isn't that Zipper Doubledix?" they would say.  The
females would add, "I sure wish I was her."  Most of
them would end up having the chance to be her in the
end.
  Pleasure didn't know where to start.  Fortunately,
five members of the Universal Rugburn championship team
arrived at the same time.  Pleasure looked at the fat
dick of one of them and took him and one of his buddies
on to the floor.
  Forny saw someone sitting out of the action sitting at
one of the tables.
  "Michael," said Forny.  "It's okay to masturbate."
  "Well, I was hoping to have sex," said Michael, a
little offended.
  Forny laughed.
  "Whatever," she said, and went off to see an old
aquaintance.

  Veronivoom Virginia is the most famous porn star in
the universe.  When she was young, she was called Virgin
for short but not for long.  A dick is able to enter her
pussy from every 45 degrees, so she can take in eight
dicks at a time.  Her best know film is the classic
"800 dicks in 8 minutes" but most of her other films
are also considered classic such as "Come Again
Part 903", "Explosions and Orgasms", and "105 Other
Sexual Uses for Subpoenas."  Also, the edgy experimental
film "An Ass in Time"  where she travels back in time,
finds herself, and does her own ass with a strap-on
dildo.

  Forny walked up to Veronivoom's table.
  "Hi Veronivoom!  How you doing?" Forny said in a
very friendly tone.
  Veronivoom looked at her blankly
  "It's me, Forny!"
  Blank.
  "Forny Perfect!"
  Blank.
  "You gave me a small role in your film "Hyper Space
Anal Virgins with Pot Holders".  It's the one where you
blow up a moon at the very moment you and the four
dicks inside you come simultaneously.  A cool effect."
  "Oh, yeah," said Veronivoom remembering the film
but not Forny.
  "So why aren't you in the action?" asked Forny.
  "Taxes," Veronivoom explained.  "I'm spending the
year as a virgin, so I don't have to give up my
resort condo on Thank'ewe'maaM."
  "That's sucks.  Sorry, I shouldn't say 'sucks' when
you can't," Forny said embarrassedly.  "I guess
you're screwed.  Oops!  Sorry, again.  I guess I
should go.  When you back in action?"
  "About 25 million years ago," answered Veronivoom.
"I'm going to crack a moon in half with a ship.  It's
going to be an ass-smashing success."
  "Wow!" said Forny impressed.  "You always have new
ideas.  That's why you're the best."
  Veronivoom smiled at the compliment.
  "You better get into the action," she said, "before
you regret missing out on the time of your life."
  Forny looked over into the crowd of undulating flesh.
She saw a guy rise up off a satisified female that was
underneath him.  He looked intriguing.
  "Nice seeing you, again" said Forny and headed off
toward the guy.
  "Who was that?" a burly guy said coming up to
Veronivoom.  "Another wannabee?"
  "Yeah,"  Veronivoom replied.
  "A message," said burly guy slipping her an envelope
with the letters URL on it.  Universe Revenue Locator,
the universe's tax collectors.
  Vernivoom opened the envelope and read the contents.
She smiled big.
  "Good news?" burly guy asked.
  "I'm back in business.  Someone must have pressured
the URL to back off since a recession has started since
I've stopped working.  Lots of people can't find work.
It's also good to have had sex with just about every
leader of every planet.  No one wants to see their
planet dry up in economic ruin."
  "Wonderful," said burly guy.
  "Let's go," said Veronivoom.
  They exited the orgy to the parking lot.

  Michael was feeling discouraged.  Zip by now had sex
with several dozen females. Pleasure had five males
and was now wiped out of energy and she just let any
guy climb on top of her and do her.  Forny was glowing
bright red and screaming like a banshee.  All Michael
had gotten was a few snickers, a couple of giggles,
and some out right laughs from beings as he tried to
join in.
  Michael decided to masturbate.
  "May I do that for you?" a voice said.
  Michael looked up in surprise.
  A pale yellow-skinned female stood before him.  Her
yellow skin was covered in light-blue freckles.
  Michael thought she looked thoroughly alien, yet
something was oddly very attractive about her.
  "May I do that for you?" she asked again.
  "With me?" said Michael in surprise.
  "Is there another you I can do it with?" she replied.
  "Errrr...no," said Michael feeling foolish.  "It's
just everybody else has just laughed at me."
  "I'm not laughing at you," she replied.
  "No.  But you might later," Michael responded.
  "And if I did, so what?  It would be later after all,"
she answered.
  There was a strange logic to that Michael realized.
Once the sex was complete, he wouldn't care if she
laughed.
  She grabbed his forearms and lifted them up, away
from his dick and placed them on the upper pair of
her four tits.
  Michael felt an arousing tingle in his hands as he
touched her.
  "What's your name," Michael asked as his head started
to swim into joy."
  "Shyly," she replied.

  The planet Shyly is off in the far reaches of the
Zelda Omicron Jones section of the universe.  The
planet is very sparsely populated.  Shyly is the
size of Uranus but only 100 beings live there.  They
are all named Shyly and all are female.  They are
characterized with pale yellow skin covered by tiny
blue polka dots. They also have two pairs of breasts.
When a Shyly mates with another being, no matter what
kind of being or how different the male was, the conceived
being is entirely a Shyly.  The Shyly are a highly-erotic
quiet people.  They don't feel a need to always go for
the biggest bang during sex and often seem to enjoy
simpler sex.  That fact helps beings who can't seem to
get sex get some, such as workers for the URL.  That fact
also means that many beings say "What's the point" and
pass on the Shyly in sexual opportunities.  No one has
ever been disappointed having sex with a Shyly.

  Michael felt Shyly's hands start to rub his dick.
Her hands felt good.  Michael saw Shyly lower her body
down and felt her pull on his dick.  Following her lead,
he lowered down with her.
  Michael was on his back in the midst of the orgy as
Shyly tenderly and slowly gave him the best blow job
he'd ever felt.  He hadn't come yet and he already knew
it was the best.  Michael was happy.
  Michael's eyes rolled back into his head and he took
in the ecstasy of this wonderful female.  Before he
knew it, his dick was thrusting into Shyly's pussy and
he felt like they were floating in air.  He couldn't
actualy look to see that he was on the floor.  His eyes
were glazed over as he experienced absolutely fantastic
sex.  No Earth woman was like this.
  Time no longer existed.  The club band no longer
existed.  The only sound Michael could hear was the soft
sensual breathing of Shyly.  Her sound just made him
harder and harder.  He'd never felt so hard.  He felt he
could punch a hole in a concrete wall with his dick.
He couldn't hear the moans and groans of the beings mere
inches from him on the crowded floor.  Not even the high
pitched wails of Forny.
  It was the most mind-blowing orgasm Michael ever had.

  Forny found Michael.  He was asleep in the middle of
the orgy floor.
  "Time to go," said Forny waking him.
  "Oh, Shyly," Michael responded, softly, half-asleep.
  Michael then recognized who was in front of him.
  "Oh, Forny," Michael said, curtly.
  "You can be rude to me later, Michael," said Forny,
"It's time to go."
  Michael stood up.  "Where's Shyly?" he asked, looking
around.
  "What?  A Shyly?  Was a Shyly here?," said Forny,
suddenly alarmed.
  Michael just stood there in a dreamy state.
  "Oh, no!" exclaimed Forny.
  She pulled Michael and headed to the parking lot as
fast as she could.
  Zip and Pleasure were there already.
  "I can't understand what went wrong," Forny heard
Pleasure explain to Zip.  "The ship computer is
completely fried, but there is no way that too much
power would have been generated.  It was perfectly
calculated yet somehow we got too much energy."
  Zip looked over at Michael who was jibbering to
himself.  Something was odd about him.
  "You had sex didn't you!" said Zip to Michael,
accusedly in light bulb realization.
  "What?!" said Pleasure in surprise.
  "He had sex," Forny said matter-of-factly.
  "I calculated Michael for the masturbation section,"
said Pleasure.
  "A reasonable thought.  I don't blame you," said Zip.
  Michael just stood there unhearing with a big stupid
grin on his face.
  "What are we going to do now?" asked Pleasure with a
little concern in her voice.
  "I was getting tired of that ship anyway," said Zip.
"Let's just take another one."
  Zip started to walk down the parking lot looking at
all the ships.
  Pleasure followed.  Forny dragged Michael along.
Org1 who had been monitoring the conversaton exited
the ship and followed too.

  Zip stopped in front of a ship that caught his eye.
  "Forny, look at this one," Zip said, excitedly
  "Hey! Wow!" said Forny, impressed.
  The front of the ship was pointed and long.  Shaped
like a needle.  The ship was thin from front to the
middle, but from middle on in was big.  Shaped like
soup cans.  Michael, thinking a bit more clearly now,
thought it had a vague phallic appearance.  It reminded
him a little of the unpleasant experience with the
Vulvans.
  "These are the engines and fuel tanks," Zip was
explaining to an uninterested Forny. "It can go fast
and run for a very, very, very long time.  It can
really move."
  "Uh, huh," said Forny trying to intentionally sound
bored.
  "Hey, Org1," said Zip.  "I'm glad your here."
  "You know what happened to the last ship I tried to
have sex with," Org1 said sadly.
  "I just want you to open the door to the ship," said
Zip.  "Can you open that?"
  "The door?" said Org1
  "Yes," said Zip.
  "That's it?" replied Org1.
  "Yes," said Zip.  "Could you hurry the ship's owner
could arrive at any time."
  The five of them entered the ship and Zip piloted
it out of the parking lot and away from coY-oh-teSS.

  On the ship next to the ship stolen by Zip was
Veronivoom Virgina.
  "Isn't that our movie stunt ship that just left?"
she said.
  "I'll just put it on auto-pilot," burly guy said.
"Whoever stole it is going to have the bang of their
life."

  Zip, Forny, and Pleasure were panicked.  The ship
was spiraling back in time and in the opposite
direction Zip told it to go.
  Suddenly everyone was flung to the floor as the ship
jolted into normal time and space.  They climbed back
up onto their feet.
  "Where are we?" said Zip as he looked out the view
screen.
  "Something is familiar about this," said Forny, on
the screen was a moon that looked like an ass, complete
with crack and a hole.
  "Hey, I got communincations working," said Pleasure.
  "Put it on," said Zip.
  "Power the engines to full," crackled a voice over
the speaker.  "Veronivoom and the four guys are about
to come."
  They felt the ship's engines throttling hard.
  "Oh, yeah," said Forny.  "Veronivoom is going to
crack this moon in half as she orgasms with her lovers."
  "This is the ship that's going to do it," Org1 said.
He'd been silent since they left coY-oh-teSS.
  "Why didn't you say something," said Forny angrily.
  "We'll if I'm not getting any sex, why should you?"
replied Org1.
  "Er...excuse me," said Michael.
  "Not now.  We're kind of busy," said Zip.
  "Um..." said Michael.
  "Shush," said Pleasure.
  "This sign says 'Escape Pod'.
  "Michael, be quiet..." said Forny.  "Escape pod?
Where?"
  "Right here," said Michael pointing at the sign above
a window port.
  "Michael, maybe we'll have sex one day after all,"
said Forny happily.  She gave him a quick kiss.
  Michael enjoyed it.  He could get use to a universe
that only thought about sex.
  "Uh, oh," said Forny.  "It's the LPE2020 model.  It's
known for accidently time jumping."
  "Who cares," said Zip, opening the hatch and getting a
good seat.  "It's better than being dead.
  The throttle was released on the ship and it became
to race toward the moon.
  "Impact in 20...19...18," the radio crackled.
  They all hurredly climbed into the pod and closed the
hatch.
  "8...7...6...5"
  Forny fired off the compressed air engine and the pod
blew away from the ship.   Fortunately the pod did
malfunction and the pod skipped through time.  A second
later, the ship penetrated a hole in an ass-shaped moon
and blew up.  The moon cracked in two.  The right "cheek"
pushed out where the pod was just a moment before.

  On the escape pod, four beings were passed out as the
little ship ripped back through time.  Way back in time.
  The pod was defective in that it traveled through time,
but it was smart enough to find a passing ship an attach
itself to it.  It also helped that Org1 threated to have
sex with it, if it didn't try to save the people in the
pod.  So the pod attached itself to a ship, but for some
reason no one on the ship seemed to notice the pod.  Org1
waited for the foursome to wake up.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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