Message-ID: <31535asstr$995728203@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: <onegallus@yahoo.com> X-Original-Message-ID: <20010720031518.66893.qmail@web10302.mail.yahoo.com> From: One Gallus <onegallus@yahoo.com> Subject: {ASSM} Kentucky Wonder 2 (MF, cheat, inc) Date: Sat, 21 Jul 2001 11:10:03 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/31535> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Story-Submission: <ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Moderator-ID: gill-bates, t4425 __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/ <1st attachment, "KW 2.txt" begin> Kentucky Wonder (Cheat, MF, Inc) Part 2 Synopsis Corrine Deere tells her own story. It is the tale of a servile wife and mother whose effort to be a person in her own right is frustrated by her boorish husband. A full-blown compulsive, Leon masks his abuse and bigotry with self- righteousness. His repressive control results in a stinging backlash that neither she nor he could have predicted. Disclaimer This story contains graphic sexual scenes of incest and adultery. If you are under the legal age of adulthood in your state, find another story. This story is not to be read where it is illegal. The possible resemblance to actual characters, living or dead is purely coincidental. This story may not be posted or changed or otherwise used by anyone anywhere without the permission of OneGallus. "Kentucky Wonder" Part 2 It's a long way from Toledo to Hardin. It's a long way back through the intervening years to that young woman and her young brother. I still think about Ralph today with fondness, with love. I cannot not think about him. Of course, I did not take his nor my mother's advice. I went through with my wedding to Leon a month later. I thought I couldn't halt it. The invitations had been sent out, the ladies at church had scheduled a shower and I felt like I had launched too far into the journey of life commitment with Leon to turn back. When Ralph gave me away that day, he squeezed my upper arm twice, very quickly and gave me over to Leon. I have often wondered if those two squeezes meant, "goodbye," or "love you" or "thank you" or what. No verbal acknowledgment of that night out there on the lane ever took place. Life went on between us as it had always had. Ralph himself married five years later. Then only a year later, he and his wife were killed as they exited a rest area on the freeway. A semi had the right of way, and Ralph had not noticed it approaching from the rear. There had been plenty of time for the truck to stop, but "I had the right of way," the driver said, and he took it. So my brother and his wife died. Six months later, another tragedy caved in on me. Mama died of pancreatic cancer. She was gone within a month of when they discovered it. For a while, Leon was very understanding after my loved ones' deaths, but as my grief continued into the next year, he became resentful and told me to get over it. I had pulled back from Leon sexually because of the grief, and I know now I probably needed counseling. Certainly, I needed time. Leon, however, knew only one way to restore sexual relations. He pulled out his jackhammer and fucked me against my will. The result was that I conceived Lonnie. I learned then that something good could come from something bad. After Lonnie was born, we resumed occasional sexual intercourse, but Leon's lack of sensitivity had left a kind of resentment in me from which I never recovered. Leon was proud of Lonnie. He took him everywhere, showed him off to his friends and we even took him with us to bluegrass festivals. He always sat right by his dad at church and was invariably well behaved. Lonnie was musical, and much to the delight of his father, he took naturally to the guitar. However, his chording became progressively more complex and he eventually evolved into jazz and pop rock. He was an excellent singer and, in time, a prolific songwriter. When the artistic transformation became apparent, his dad became unhappy. He told Lonnie that his new music didn't make much sense and that he was shooting too low on the target. He said that jazz was just a lot of confusion and didn't really require any skill other than an ability to run your fingers up and down the strings like a crazy man. Lonnie's response was always in the vein of, "I like your music Dad, but jazz is where I am, it's where my heart is. It's like you and your bluegrass, Dad. Only with me, it's jazz." Leon just shook his head. After high school, Lonnie enrolled at Toledo University as music major and began working jazz gigs at night. In late winter, he won the audition to sing the National Anthem at the Opening Day for the Mud Hens. When he performed it, he was on Toledo television. Photographers took his picture and it appeared the next day in the Toledo Blade and some of the neighborhood papers as well. Right after Leon's triumph, he was all smiles and flushed with success. That night his daddy said, "Well, Son, I woulda been proud of you if you'd just had a fiddle and mandolin a backin' you up." Lonnie winced when Leon said that, as if his daddy had hit him with the back of his hand. Why wasn't he proud of him anyway? To me, that remark made Leon Deere a first class sorry-son-of-a-bitch and not worthy to dig holes for anyone. Lonnie regained his composure and laughed it off, but I knew he'd been cut to the quick. For my part, I was finished with walking on eggshells just to please Leon Deere. On a particular day, I find myself standing in the guestroom of our home, which became Leon's bedroom almost a year before. I pull out the top drawer of the dresser and I see the folded handkerchiefs, rolled up belts and a small collection of pocketknives, arranged by the color of the handles. There is also his wooden nut bowl; the kind people set out for Christmas. I pull out the second drawer. All his dress socks are on the left, his work socks on the right. The brown socks are all in a row. The blue socks are beside them. Then, there are the gray socks here, and over there, the patterned socks. I close the top drawer and open the underwear drawer below. Each like- item is in a neat stack, shorts here, tee shirts there, V shirts, and thermals, each in its own pile, the piles not touching one another, not much, at least. When we were sleeping in the same room, Leon would constantly criticize my disorganized drawers. One day, he came in with a shallow cardboard box and said, "Here, just dump all my stuff in this box when you do the laundry and shove it under the bed. I'll put it away myself. You can live like a pig if you want to, but I don't do want to." I close the second drawer and go back to the top one. I look down into the wooden nut bowl. There is an extra set of keys for his Dodge pickup and my Dodge Shadow. The nut bowl is where Leon keeps his pocket stuff, his keys, his checkbook, and his savings book and, of course, his wallet, all of which are on his person during the day. He carries an old worn out wallet with a red rubber band around it. The wallet is an inch and a half thick and it's hard packed with hundreds, fifties and twenties. Also in it are his driver's license, union card, and other treasures, like Lester Flatt's guitar pick. The wallet makes a huge bulge in his left rear pocket. He says he may run into a good deal somewhere and need the cash. Leon gives me seventy-five dollars for groceries every week and then he gives me another thirty for spending money. Of course, with Lonnie and his appetite, plus Leon and me, that's not enough for the kind of meals we want, or even need. I asked Leon for more and he says, "Take it out of the thirty." There's a major furor when I need a dress. I look at his big confederate flag he has fixed to the walls. There are pictures of his grandfathers on either side of the flag, none of his grandmothers. There is a picture of him and his father on a coon hunt when he was a boy, none of his mother, none of me, and none of Lonnie. I look over to the other wall and see his entertainment center. He has a big screen television, a VHS player, DVD player, a CD player, a cassette tape deck. There are big and little speakers in two four four-foot-high wooden cabinets standing on the floor on either side of the room. Leon likes plenty of separation between the fiddle and the mandolin when he listens to his bluegrass. Other than the $105 he gives me every week, I receive nothing else from Leon. Perhaps he can't afford it after purchasing such equipment. There is an almost new mocha-colored recliner that fits his body as if they designed it around him. Over the recliner is a plywood nick-knack shelf that Leon made in wood-shop when he was a junior at Marshall County High School. On it is a semi-circular arrangement of small wooden carvings and pewter castings of deer he has collected through the years. Inside the semi- circle is a bright short-barreled twenty-two revolver, nickel-plated, with a white pearl handle. I pick it up, careful to keep my finger away from the trigger. I sight into the front of the cylinder and see the rounded tips of the small cartridges. That twenty-two pistol has sat on that nick-knack shelf ever since we moved to Toledo. Leon explained it this way; "We're only fifty miles from Dee-troit. If them niggers ever come down here and stir up trouble, I want to be ready." Strangely, Leon stopped using the term "nigger" five years ago. Now he calls the pistol his "African-American Gun." This is the room Leon comes to as soon as he gets home from work and finishes with his shower. He listens to bluegrass till I call him to supper and when he's finished with that, he comes back here. He listens some more or watches television or tapes of old movies. Sometimes he varies his music and plays Hank Williams Sr. He's occupied this room for over a year now. Before that, we slept in the same bed, but that's about all we did, sleep. For the past two years or so, Leon hasn't initiated any sex, and if you have sex with Leon, you let him initiate it. To add to the estrangement, there was another conflict about sleeping together. Normally he went to bed before I did, leaving me working on my scrapbook till late. Then he would occasionally sleep in the guestroom. He said, that way I didn't disturb him when I finally came to bed. In a few weeks he was sleeping in the guestroom almost every night. In a few months, I noticed that all his clothes and accessories had been moved from my room and that's the way it's been since then. Leon still goes to bluegrass concerts all over Ohio and Kentucky but I don't go with him anymore. Gradually it occurred to me that I had become indifferent to bluegrass, so I just quit going. That disturbed Leon greatly, since my quitting wasn't in his plans. When I told him I wasn't going anymore, he didn't speak to me for three weeks. I knew he was counting on my relenting and resuming my travels with him, but I never gave in. Actually, I found out that Leon's silence had its positive points. Finally he gave up on me as his bluegrass-partner, but that's not to say that Leon ever quit trying to control my life. On another front, the basement had become rather cluttered and Leon constantly nagged me about cleaning it. "Better get to that pretty soon, girl. Don't waste so much time on that stupid scrapbook." I said nothing, but I had begun to boil inside. My tactic was long term attrition. I did not raise a finger to straighten the basement for several weeks. A month later, I heard Leon open the side door off the kitchen, come into the vestibule and then walk half way down the basement stairs. His footsteps paused, and I knew he must have been inspecting the mess. Then I heard him walk the rest of the way down the steps. I heard activity down in the basement for the next hour. That evening, he said nothing at supper, which by the way, was cold when he finally came up to eat it. He did look at me several times, hard. After he had retired to his room, I walked down the basement stairs to find the area completely tossed. He had pulled everything out of its box, emptied the shelves, and thrown the items all over the floor, so that it was now four times as messy as it had ever been. I let it stay. I stopped using the basement entirely except for the laundry, and I made a path for that. Usually I stay up late and work on my scrapbook, an ever-changing expression of the significant experiences of my life. I block out and calligraph long narratives around the pictures or memorabilia that I fix to the pages. By this time, the scrapbook is several volumes in length. One day, I hope to give it to Lonnie and his wife. On one the pages, there is a patch torn from a white dress with blue notes all over it. Beside it I scripted: "I wore this in my last talk with Ralph, under the oak tree at the old home place, in Kentucky." On another page is a picture of Ralph escorting me up the isle on the day of my wedding. While I work, I watch TV out of the corner of my eye, till I almost fall over. Then I go to bed. At 5:30 AM I pull myself from the bed and fix Leon's breakfast and get him off to work to Jeep every morning. One morning I hit the snooze alarm, hoping for just five minutes more of sleep. Leon stuck his head in the door and shouted, "Fix us some breakfast girl! The good Lord knows you ain't doin' nothin' else around here!" When Leon backs his pickup out of the driveway, I drag myself up out of the kitchen chair and try to get the first floor into shape before Lonnie gets up. Lonnie has to be at Toledo U by 8:00. I think he must wake up when his daddy does, but he just lies there in the bed, waiting for Leon to leave, then he gets up. Lonnie is built like his late Uncle Ralph. He has dark wavy hair, broad shoulders and slender hips. He is well over six feet tall and much heavier than his father ever was. Leon still carries that scrawny, bantam rooster quality that he had when he was a child. Any event that touches Leon's life in anyway, Leon's rooster eye is always glaring out the message, "I want the say-so here." He is the little cock of the walk. Unlike his daddy, Lonnie has a sweet considerate disposition, so much like my brother, Ralph. His girlfriend-going- on-fiancee is the preacher's daughter at church, Abby Hewlett. I think they've got a real romance going, but Lonnie isn't forgetful of his mother. He's very affectionate toward me, helps me around the house and talks to me, even if his daddy doesn't. He never forgets my birthdays or holidays and though he can't afford much, he always gets me something that says, "You're special." Lonnie told me that Pastor Hewlett was looking for a part-time secretary at the church. He encouraged me to call the church and apply for the job. I told him no immediately, thinking I'd make a fool of myself after so many years, but then I re-thought the issue and guessed I might look into it. I wondered how Leon would feel if I got the job. In a way, I hoped he might balk at the idea so I could defy him. Leon figured I was a failure at everything anyway, so I might like the opportunity to prove him wrong. I wanted to win the job and I wanted to make good at it. That afternoon, I picked up the phone and dialed the church office. George Hewlett answered. "Hello! This is Corrine Deere, how are you today?" "Hello, Corinne Deere! I'm fine, how are you?" said the pastor. "Well, I'm looking for a job, I hear you need someone." "Yes, it's only part time right now, maybe if we both like each other, the hours can increase." "Oh I like you OK," I said giggling. "That's because I'm not your boss! You might not like me in the office," he said, bantering. "Well, it's been a long time since I've worked. I had an office job with Murray State when I was a student there. I did a little typing, but that was back during the typewriter days." "That shouldn't be a problem, do you use a computer at home?" "No much. Lonnie has shown me a few things." "Yes, bless our children's hearts! It was Abby who introduced me to the computer, but I'm just a hunter and pecker, so I can't get the full benefit of it. You're not a hunter or a pecker are you, Corrine?" "No, I use the touch method." If this was not double-double entendre, then it was close to it, but I swear that it was unintentional. "Oh, that's nice," he said, "Then why not let us try it for a month or so and see if it works out? How about three mornings a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday?" "OK Pastor." "Now, Corrine, what is this `Pastor' business? Since we'll have both the office and our children in common, you'd best call me 'George.' Besides, Sandra and I are just Briars, like you and Leon." He didn't sound like a Briar, an affectionate title for a backwoods Kentuckian. Thousands of us were scattered through the social and economic strata of Ohio citizenry. Through the century we had migrated north across the Ohio River, looking for work. There is a story that says that's why there's so much Kentucky Blue Grass in Ohio. We Briars brought the seeds over between our toes, already fertilized. I was grateful for George's down to earth disposition. I had always held clergymen in awe, and it had tensed me that I would have to work with one. "I know, 'George!' I didn't know whether the job would call for your title or not." "I'm just 'George' to you, Corrine." That night, I told Leon that I had a job. He raised his eyebrows. "Who would hire you?" he said. "I'll be doing some part time secretarial work at the church," I said. "You never said nothing to me about it." he said. "No, I guess I didn't." "I would like to know what goes on in my own house," he said. Then he chuckled bitterly through his teeth. "What's so funny?" I said. "Well, you, with a job, that's what! You ain't worked since Murray State." "Well, I know, it'll take a little time since I'm rusty. I'll be slow at first, I know." He snorted, "Yep, you're so slow you can't get your rear end off a chair to do nothing around here. Corrine, some people is borned slow, and you was borned slow. You need to stay home and get something done around 'is house." I said nothing. "Go on then, make a fool out of yourself." I remained silent, but I became aware that my stomach was Japanese hard. When I was finally alone in my room that night, I whispered, "Mama, I'm not digging any more holes for myself. Ralph, I'm not walking on anymore eggshells." There were tears in my eyes when I said it. Pastor Hewlett proved to be gentle boss, but he kept nagging me in a friendly way about practicing my typing and cutting down on my typos. I was terribly slow, and not very accurate. I had been a fair typist, but computers and the word processor were strange to me. I made up my mind to get some special instruction from my son. George told me I should be able to type up the newsletter in about two hour's time. On the other days, there were odds and ends to do, letters, filing and ordering. As it turned out, it took me four hours just to do the newsletter that first week. That didn't leave me enough time to do the other work. George let me take stuff home to finish up but he said I couldn't turn in any more than my actual in-office time. He didn't say it but I felt it was either that or give up the job. Sure enough, when Leon saw my homework, he sniped at me for being so slow. "At your age, you ain't gonna get no faster, girl." At first, the old feeling of catering to Leon returned and it shook me. Then I remembered my resolve, no jumping into holes. The criticism, however, had its effect, so when I went to the office the next time, I offered to quit if George wanted me to, but he looked surprised and said I should stick with it. He was really nice to me, in spite of everything. Lonnie thinks I'm improving. I've been doing a lot of practicing on his computer in his bedroom and he coaches me from time to time. I'm afraid I may disturb him, but he says not. One night I was practicing and got so stressed out, I just slumped down in the desk chair and sighed. Lonnie looked up from his book and said, "What's the matter, Mom?" "Lonnie, I feel like my head's about to burst, trying to learn all this stuff. Lonnie looked up from his notebook, "Take a break Mom, I'll rub your shoulders." Lonnie got off the bed where he had been sitting and came up behind me. He began with the tendons from my shoulders to my neck, gripping them firmly and squeezing. Then his fingers traveled up my neck and onto my scalp. He was making a mess out of my hair but my head was tingling with the touch of his fingers and it felt so relaxing, I didn't care. Lonnie came down my spine, running his hand down between my back and the chair back. He kneaded the soft area over my kidneys, then down below my waist as far as the chair would allow him to reach. His daddy would never have offered to rub my back. In fact, Leon touched me as little as possible. All the narrow avenues of tenderness now seemed to be blocked between us. I considered this resentfully as Lonnie rubbed me; but soon, I was lost in Lonnie's touch. I must admit that the gentle contact of my body with another human being, a human being who loved me, was as stimulating as it was relaxing. Lonnie bent over and put his chin on my shoulder, so that his cheek was beside mine. I could feel the stubble from his dark beard prickle my face. Now both his hands were under on my upper buttocks, just below where the crevice started. Only my nightgown and panties separated his hands from me. He turned his right hand inward and I felt his fingers feeling at the depression, running them as far down as the chair would allow. It felt heavenly, but at the same time it felt wicked. I wondered if that's why I liked it. I turned my head and kissed his cheek and ended the massage by saying, "That's fine darling, I feel a hundred percent better now!" Pastor Hewlett, I knew, was a little older than my husband. Yet, as the weeks passed by, I noticed that his energy and vitality seemed so much higher than Leon's. His movements around the office were quick and deliberate, and unlike Leon, George didn't sweat the small stuff. He and his wife, Sandra, have been married for 28 years. I hate to admit it, but compared to my plodding pace and phlegmatic personality, she is a dynamic woman. She's lithe and trim, and vivacious and seems to be interested in everything. Once she and I were talking about the passage of years and I mentioned I'd put on twenty pounds since I got married. "Yes, we poor women tend to gain when the children come, don't we?" Sandra said. I thought at the moment that she was more condescending than sympathetic. She knew as well as I did that I put weight on easily and she didn't. She knew how nice she looked. Sandra dresses like a fashion model, but she makes all her own clothes and she doesn't spend a lot of money. Then I felt guilty about being resentful, and jealous. As elegant as she was, she was just a poor Kentucky girl too. Somehow, she had clawed her way out of a hard-luck situation and had become an elegant hostess and an ideal companion for the pastor. When she and George first moved to our church, people were critical of her relative non-involvement in church affairs. But as time went on, we all realized that Sandra preferred relating to people on a personal basis. By individual contact, she and George had carved out a nice niche for themselves among our people. As time went on, my work improved, but the pastor was still finding typos and misspellings. I told him I'd do it over, but he seemed a little exasperated. He said, "Corrine don't you ever use Spell-Check?" "My goodness, I forgot about that!" I said, immediately feeling dull and oafish. Of course, Lonnie had shown me something about Spell-Check, but I had forgotten what it was called and even how to operate it. "Get up, Corrine, and let me sit there," George said. I pivoted the secretary's chair and stood up. George took my place and began to show me how to operate the Spell-Check. He was right, he was just a hunter and pecker. I stood behind him and watched. I tried to keep my eyes on the screen and listen to George, but I kept looking at the bald spot on his head. It was a "Friar Tuck" bald spot, a ring of hair all the way around, including the front. George is quite tall, even sitting in a chair. When he's standing and I'm looking right at him, I can't see the bald spot, but now, sitting there in front of me, there it was. I had to force myself to keep my eyes off his head, straining to concentrate on his instruction. I bent over, really close, while he was instructing me about Spell-Check, and my breast accidentally brushed his bald spot. I was a bit embarrassed but, he didn't seem to notice, and I wondered, didn't he feel that? Surely he must have! His voice droned on, but I wasn't paying much attention anymore and I let myself do something crazy that really accelerated the changes in my life. I felt reckless. These moments of wicked giddiness had plagued me all of my life and they were tickling at me at that very moment. I thought of touching my nipple against the smoothness of George's bald spot. Before I knew it, I was doing it. Fully clothed though I was, I held my breast to his bald spot and felt the flush between my legs. I held it there, daring the situation to explode. I could feel his voice vibrating through his head and into my breast and I was so caught up in the moment, I felt nothing but confusion when George said, "Now, you click on the check-mark." He turned to look at me pivoting his head under, my breast, which slid off. Of course, I straightened up immediately. I must have looked as strange as I felt, because he said, "Corrine, are you OK?" I told him yes, but of course I wasn't. My vulva was sopping and in my confusion I said, "My coon . . ." George looked at me puzzled and said, "Your coon?" When I was a little girl and taking a bath, Mama would always come into the bathroom and say, "Don't forget to wash your coon, sweetheart." When I asked Mama why she used that word and she told me her mother called "it" a "coon" and it just got passed down to her and her sister. I never knew anybody outside my family who'd ever called it a "coon." And now, having said to George, "My coon . . ." and George having said to me, "Your coon?" the whole scene struck me so utterly funny, I needed to laugh, badly. I felt myself battling against it and I supposed the struggle showed up on my face, because George wrinkled his brow and said, "Are you all right, Corrine?" I said, "Yes, yes, George, I'll be all right," but I had to take deep breaths and hold my stomach tight or I surely would have exploded in giggles. George said, "You need to sit down, Corrine, you look like you're about to cry." Well, the strangest thing happened then. It reminds me of those funeral home visitations where people are standing around crying their eyes out for "daddy over there in the casket." Then the next the next minute, they're laughing their heads off about something silly that daddy did when they were all kids. I thought I was about to laugh but when George said I looked as though I might cry, I cried. This was not merely the fall of tears but deep wrenching sobs. Maybe it was all those years of sadness and anger finally catching up with me. I don't know, but the incident had pushed me over some emotional edge, and I couldn't rescue myself. I felt I was the most neglected, rejected and otherwise contemptible woman in Ohio and nobody could understand me. George said "Corrine, Corrine, I'm sorry, what's wrong?" and he stood up took hold of my hands. Well, it was only natural that I should step forward and put my head on George's shoulder and cry, but I couldn't manage it. He was too tall, six-foot-four, and my five-foot frame made it impossible. All I could do was lay my face against his closed underarm, which I did, breathing in his spicy smell. And, it was only natural that he should put his arms around my shoulders, and pat my back. Now, my breasts, rather large for such a little lady, were bumping his chest. Before I could stop, my hands came up to press at his back. I felt the hardness of his chest with my face. Then my coon fell into creek. George said, "Here, you sit down, Corrine," and he maneuvered me over toward the chair, but I wouldn't let go. It felt really good to have a man in my arms. I hadn't experienced that for such a long long time. Finally he pulled me loose, and sat me down. Then he sat down on a chair across from me. That's when I saw that Pastor Hewlett had developed an erection, and it was pooching out his suit pants. He tried to hide it the best way he could by crossing his legs, but I had seen it. Weeping though I was, I was feeling excited over this. It did nothing but make me cry harder, for which I was thankful, because it covered my reckless titillation. George allowed me to take some minutes before calming down and when I did he asked me, "Is everything OK at home, Corrine?" I told him truthfully, "No, not really." My nose felt full and it muffled my voice. George handed me a blue Kleenex from a box on the desk and I took a tissue and blew my nose. Again, I felt as though I might start laughing, hysterically. He said, "You want to tell me about it?" And he crossed his legs again. So then, I thought about Sandra, his wife. She has such pretty figure, carries her weight so well. Then I thought about myself, the congregational cow, and I started crying again. Through my tears I told George, "Well, there doesn't seem to be much between Leon and me anymore." "Can you elaborate on that Corrine?" "Well, George, I know what you see when you see Leon. You see a fine upstanding church member, one who's willing to come down and work on the building and grounds, take people to the hospital, who gives ten percent of his income; but you don't see the man I see." "What man do you see, Corrine?" "He's always fussing at me and putting me down. He thinks I'm fat and lazy, but I told him I wasn't lazy. I told him I just didn't feel like doing all the things he thinks I should do." "You seem to be married to a very fine man, Corrine. Leon is one of our most active members," George said. I was in no mood to hear how fine Leon was. I said, "George, he may be an active member but his member is not active!" I don't know what possessed me to say such a thing. Anger, yes, but I'm not normally so clever. He said, "Could you explain that?" and he folded his legs again. "Well, we never have sek," I said. I don't know why I said "sek" and not "sex," but the word just didn't finish itself up in my throat. I felt the blood pumping behind my eyes. George asked, "Does he have a problem?" Then I said, "Yes, he does with me." Then, of all things, I giggled. George let me settle and asked, "Why do you think that is?" I tried to explain to him what it had been like during the last several years, but George didn't say much while I talked. He just asked questions, so that I could "clarify" for him. Then George asked me if I loved Leon. I didn't expect that question, and it made me nervous. I was silent. I wanted to run. "Do you love him, Corrine?" he asked me again. It seemed to me there was an edge to his voice, as if he were really saying, Corrine, how could you not love this fine upstanding husband of yours with all your heart and soul? I looked down at my feet. Through my tears I saw that they were stubby and wide. I was wearing those ridiculous purple loafers and they looked like two eggplants. They felt good on my feet, but they were sloppy and they made me feel sloppy all over. I traced my eyes down the calves of my legs and they looked pudgy and thick. Then I looked at my purple skirt and saw my thighs straining against the fabric. I couldn't even see my stomach because of my two cow udders sticking out there for the entire world to stare at. All I could see were my stupid chunky thighs, all sweaty and clamped up tight on my poor little empty wet coon. I said, "Fuck him! Fuck the son-of-a- bitch." I looked George hard in the eye when I said it. His eyes were wide with fright and he was so pitiful looking I said, "And fuck you too, George Hewlett! Fuck you too!" I got up and walked out on him. I didn't notice how hard I was crying till I got into my Dodge. When I pulled away, I saw George through the glass doors in the front of the church, running down the hallway toward me, waving and mouthing out, "Corrine!" I drove toward home and after awhile I wasn't crying anymore. When I pulled into the drive, I saw that Lonnie was home, having parked his old Wrangler at the curb. I parked my Shadow over on the left of the driveway as I usually do, leaving Leon room to pull his pickup past the Shadow and into the garage. I got out and walked to the side, unlocked it and went into the house. Whenever I approached the side door, I always thought about the piled up basement, and under my breath I said, "Fuck you Leon Deere!" I walked through the kitchen, and down the hall passed Lonnie's room, and he was on the computer. He looked up and said, "Hi" but I didn't even speak. I knew if I did, I would begin crying again. I just threw up a hand in recognition that said, "Hi, but I don't want to talk to you now." I went into my bedroom and into my bathroom and ran hot water into the tub. I took off my clothes and started to climb in. But I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I was plump, it was true, but I wasn't obese. My breasts were a little oversized, but I still had a waistline. Baby Lonnie had made a few marks on my rounded tummy, but I really didn't look too bad. I pulled in my stomach and gave myself a whole-body profile. Then I turned my back to the mirror and looked over my shoulder. It made me wonder; between Leon and my own negative feelings, had I felt myself into ugliness? I pushed out my breasts and gazed. Well girl, I thought, maybe you haven't lost it completely. You did give your pastor a hard on. I got into the tub and started to feel a blessed kind of numbness seep into me. I lay in the hot water for twenty minutes. Then I got out of the tub with steam rising from my body. I toweled off and sprinkled some scented powder on my body, and rubbed it lightly till my pores took it in. The earlier stress and the hot water had drained me of my strength and I barely got a nylon slip over my head. I padded toward the bed, pulled back the covers and climbed in. I turned toward the wall and pulled my knees up into a fetal position, pulling the sheet up over my hips. The sweet drift toward sleep set in after only a few minutes. I woke suddenly, but lay still. I sensed I had been asleep only a few minutes and now had become aware of another presence in my room. The bed had dipped and a body had moved into the bed behind me. He planted a large palm on my hip and then became very still. After awhile he patted my hip affectionately and snuggled up very close and moved his hand from my hip to around my waist, pulling me tight against him. Of course, it was Lonnie, sensing that something was amiss, not asking, just offering himself for my comfort. His hand began to move lightly over the thin material against my navel. It felt good to be held, the heat of the bath wearing away, being replaced by a big warm male body molding itself against me. Again, a veil dropped over my consciousness, but it was only a thin veil and I was vaguely aware of what began to happen. There were occasional squeezes in which the whole surface of the front of Lonnie's body touched the whole surface of the back of mine. Apparently he had slipped under the sheet with me, for I felt the legs of his pants against my bare calves. He was barefoot, because I felt the top of his naked feet against the bottoms of my feet. His feet were large and the feel of them on my soles was deliciously sensuous. Again we lay still. I gradually became conscious of concentration of pressure at the lower juncture of my buttocks. I knew it must be that Lonnie had developed an erection. I wondered if he were aware that I was aware. His penis was pressing through his jeans, through my slip and against my anus. His hand was still over my navel and it was all I could do not to make my consciousness known. The feeling was absolutely marvelous and a strange mixture between the old and the new, the natural and the unnatural began to stir. I thought of my brother, Ralph. I could not say precisely what it was we were doing, since I had neither acknowledged nor rejected his presence. I think, as far as he knew, I was asleep. I began to consciously breathe slowly and deeply, trying to induce sleep. Then after a long moment, I squirmed, just a little, but it was a squirm and I couldn't help it. It was like holding a bite of chocolate candy against my lips. I either had to pull away and refuse it, or open my mouth. I felt Lonnie pressing against my butt, his denim bulge against the thin nylon covering my ass. I tried to move as if I were asleep and I put my hand over his hand. Then his hand began moving downward from my navel. His fingers were now moving into my pubic hair, my thin slip being the only barrier. Suddenly, Lonnie groaned and thrust his hips against me very hard, twice; then he was still, breathing hard. I lay unmoving, with my eyes closed and heard his respiration slowly decrease from fast to slow. Then he kissed the back of my neck and got up and left the bed. The smell of his semen was in the air. I didn't see Lonnie for the rest of the day and Leon was already in bed asleep when Lonnie came back home that night, evidently having been out with Abby. The light was on in my room and he knocked softly. I sat on the bed in my pajamas, my scrapbook and cutting equipment spread out in front of me. "Come in," I called, my voice low. Lonnie came in shyly and sat in a small upholstered chair a few steps away from my bed. I smiled at him, which seemed to ease the tension on his face. "Mom, I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Sorry?" I said. "You know, about this afternoon." "What are you talking about Lonnie? "Well, you know what happened when you were lying down." I don't know what you mean, hon. I went to sleep when I got home and didn't wake up till your Dad came home." "But I disturbed you . . ." "No, you didn't disturb me, darling. I had a nice nap and felt better when I woke up." "But you . . ." He looked pleasingly puzzled. "You didn't wake up?" "Not that I know of, not till after seven. I did hear a door slam after I went to sleep, but if I woke at all, I went right back to sleep afterward. No, baby, you didn't disturb me." The relief on his face was palpable. "Well, good," he said. "I'm going to bed." "Kiss me nighty-night," I said, and puckered my lips. He got up and came to me and we smacked loudly, a maternal kiss on the lips, if ever there was one. When he closed the door behind him, I quickly gathered my craft items from the bed and sat them in the chair he had occupied only minutes before. I pulled back the covers, entered the bed and turned out the bedside lamp. My hand immediately went under my waistband and onto my crotch where I masturbated until I came. The male image in my mind kept mysteriously shifting between Ralph, my long dead brother, my son Lonnie and my pastor, George Hewlett. Sunday, at church, it was not surprising that I felt very strange. Leon and I sat a couple of rows back from Sandra Hewlett and I was staring at her back. She was holding her shoulders rigid, very square, really straight, and her chin was up and she was looking around, like she was the queen of the church. I wondered what her posture would be if she knew that I had been rubbing my breast up against her husband's head last Friday. When Pastor Hewlett got up to speak, my aura of oddity increased. I had been hearing the man preach every Sunday for several years, but that day, I noticed details about his mannerisms, posture and presence I had not recognized before. He was very relaxed. He moved slowly from the massive pulpit chair (I thought of it as a throne) to the lectern. He appeared to be a collection of long bones, strung loosely together to form a human being. Instead of standing behind the lectern, he stood beside it, with his right hand resting on its cornice. Both his elbows stood out in sharp angles from his body. Because he was high on the podium, and I was sitting low in the pew, George looked even taller. I noticed how his bushy eyebrows almost met, how they jutted out over his eyes, casting them in a mysterious shadow. If his mouth had not been so full and relaxed I would have said his cheeks looked sucked-in and hollow. A prominent Adam's-apple bobbed as he spoke, a faint Kentucky drawl pulled at his R's and I's. Good Lord, I thought, it was Abraham Lincoln with a bald head! I reflected, perversely, that Sandra and I were probably the only two women in the church who'd ever seen George with a hard on! Before the service was over, however, I felt guilty. The whole scene in the church office on Friday was at my instigation, conscious or unconscious. If I had not gone into that sexual fugue, I wouldn't be thinking these weird thoughts. After all, all that George did was react. He couldn't help it if the proximity of a female body caused him to grow erect. He may be a pastor, I thought, but he's still a man. Besides, he tried to help me, tried give me counsel. True, I had not taken to the counsel, but that was because he seemed to take sides with Leon, and I was in no mood for that, but maybe that was a counseling ploy of some sort. And, why should I be catty toward Sandra? She had nothing to be ashamed of. She's tall and slender and pretty, and I was jealous, that's the short of it. Of all people I should have tender feelings toward, it should be my son's future mother-in-law. I looked over at Lonnie and Abby, who were sitting at the far end of the same pew. Her hand was on Lonnie's thigh and Lonnie had covered her hand with his. There had been no more mention of the Friday afternoon incident, and I presumed all that was behind us. I could almost make myself believe that it never happened, and I was pretty sure Lonnie felt the same way. But I couldn't forget that it had begun as an act of compassion toward his mother. He sensed I was in misery and though he didn't know why, he felt sympathy. It had just gotten out of hand and fortunately there was no harm done. As I sat there beside my husband, who was so dull to all that was happening in my life, I realized that it could be worse. I decided then that I would be willing to be deprived of anything, even a fulfilling marriage, if only my boy could have what he needed in his life. God being my helper, I prayed, I'd endure it all. After my blow-up on Friday, I guessed that George was already wondering whom he could hire as secretary. That whole scene had embarrassed and shamed me terribly, and it was all I could do to shake his and Sandra's hand after church. She smiled at me and asked, "How do you like your new job?" I supposed then that George had not told her I'd told him to go fuck himself. Remembering that scene made me shut my eyes and shake my head during the sermon. Now with my hand in Sandra's I felt little and mean. I certainly didn't want to tell her that I'd walked out on the new job, not to mention my graphic instruction to George. I knew I'd have to explain if I told her and I wasn't up to that. So I said, "Well, it's hard getting used to a computer." She smiled and said, "You just stick with George, he'll show you what to do." I didn't look at George. I just smiled and looked at the floor. I still had not told Leon I had quit. I knew he'd think I'd dropped out because I just couldn't do the job, just couldn't cut it. I'd never hear the end of it, but Sunday came and went, and I was too cowardly to tell Leon. I got a big surprise on Monday afternoon. Rev. Hewlett called and said he missed me at work that morning. I said, "Oh, I thought you'd know I wasn't coming back. George, I'm ashamed about . . ." "Now Corrine, I want you to forget about what happened on Friday. We all say things that we regret later. I know I've said things at times that I shouldn't have, so don't feel badly. What you need to do is come on back to work. You're making too much progress to quit now." "Well . . ." I said, hesitant. "Corrine, what you said and what I said is between you and me and the good Lord, and it's nobody else's business." I was silent. "Are you listening to me Corrine?" he asked. "Yes, George, I'm listening, let me think." "You don't have to think, just respond to a loving request." "Well, all right, George, I'll give it another try, but you'll have to be patient with me." "Corrine, dear, I will exercise the patience of Job." At least I think he said "dear" and not "Deere." "And Corrine, that stuff about you and Leon? You don't have to tell me a thing. But if you want to talk, that's fine, and I'll help you all I can, but it's up to you, OK?" "OK, George. I'll be there in the morning." "Good, so will I." Monday Morning, 1:00 AM, I look up at the clock. I need to go to bed. Leon and Lonnie went to bed hours ago. I lay aside my scrapbook, putting it all on a kitchen tray; I slide it under my bed. I stand up and catch sight of myself in the dresser mirror. I am wearing my deep purple gown tonight, and I draw near to the reflection because I look as though I might have lost weight. On closer inspection, I conclude it's only the flattering dark color of my gown. My hair is medium length and blonde. It's darker than it used to be, just a shade lighter than light brown. Tonight, it looks marvelous with my purple gown. My cheekbones are high in spite of my round face. My eyes are a pretty blue, but there is a slight globe of softness just behind my chin. I can detect every one of my forty-five years in that face but I know if I lost a few pounds, I'd look much better. Still, I am not unpretty, and coming from a self-hater, it surely must be true. I open the door to my room and I can see across the hallway that Lonnie's door is open and I immediately turn off my light. There is a glow in his room from a nightlight. I go to the door and look in. Standing there, I observe that Lonnie is restless. His body is twitching. I conclude he must be having a bad dream. I walk over to his bedside and see that his covers are pulled up all the way to his throat. I touch my knuckles to the side of his neck for he is on his right side turned toward the wall. My fingers come away, wet with his sweat. With both my hands I take the edge of the sheet and blanket and pull them down to Lonnie's knees. I lean over him and watch his beautiful hairy chest rising and falling and observe that there are bald patches above his nipple. He takes a deep breath, evidently relieved from the stifling blanket. His sweat is drying in the air and I catch the smell, which is mixed heavily with the scent of penis, clean but definitive. My eyes travel down his body and I see that he is wearing white boxer shorts and that an enormous erection is straining at the opening of his fly. I can see a bit of the white veined skin in the glow of the nightlight. Suddenly Lonnie turns on his back and he takes a deep breath, then exhales through his mouth. His penis breaks free of its mooring and slips out into the air, rigid and angled back toward his abdomen. It is enormous, thick and long, like Ralph's was. Lonnie's head is turned to the side and his chin is thrown back, exposing his throat. His jaw is slack and his breathing is full- chested. He is sleeping deeply. I enclose his penis lightly with my fingers and hold him. My hand looks so small as I grip him, like a girl's hand. The image is utterly erotic. His cock is hot with engorged blood. I squeeze it slowly and watch his eyes closely. I do it a second time. He finally stirs and opens his unfocused eyes, frightening me. I quickly let go and move my hands down to the edge of the sheet. "Mom?" he says. "Just covering you darling," I say hoarsely, and I grip the sheet and pull it over him. "Am I OK?" he asks strangely, obviously not clear of the fogginess of sleep. "You're just fine, Ralph. Go back to sleep." I start to correct myself but I see that Lonnie is already slumbering quietly, and I say nothing. I turn and go back to my bedroom, get into bed but cannot get to sleep. Beneath the covers, I spread open my wetness with my moving fingers. My heart is pounding and even with my eyes closed, I can see the smooth beautifully veined skin of my son's massive penis. End of Part 2 Go to Part 3 Comments to OneGallus@yahoo.com <1st attachment end> ----- ASSM Moderation System Notice------ Notice: This post has been modified from its original format. 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