index


Message-ID: <31308asstr$994489806@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: canyonero14@excite.com (canyonero14)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
NNTP-Posting-Date: 6 Jul 2001 20:20:14 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F)   [Part 4]
Date: Sat,  7 Jul 2001 03:10:06 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F
[Part 4]

  A planet was below.
  The ship Orgasma, the only spaceship in the universe
that ran on the energy of orgasms,  hung up high in space
around the planet like small tits pushed up by a wonderbra.
  "This is not the planet Pussina," said Forny strongly.
  "Yes, it is," said Zip equally insistent.
  "No, it's not," said Forny.  Forny casually rubbed her
tits.  Her body still retained a pale red hue from her
orgasms before the hyper jump.
  "Yes, it is,"  said Zip.
  Michael and Pleasure sat away from the arguing duo.  
This was not something to get involved in.  They
idlely played "rock, scissor, paper".  It was more
intersting.

  Here is what the Sex Guide says about the planet 
Pussina:

  Pussina is a mythological planet.  The alleged 
inhabitants, the Pussies, were a highly erotic people.
Having orgasms was the only thing of value in life.  If
you weren't currently having an orgasm, life was 
depressing.  So, the Pussies began to look for the secret
to the eternal orgasm.  When word got out in the universe
what the Pussies were trying to do, they were raided
by a bunch of computer geeks and accountants.  Basically
people who weren't getting any nookie.  The Geeks were 
successful in destroying the people since after all they 
were just a bunch of Pussies.  The project to find the 
secret to the eternal orgasm ended with the life of the 
Pussies.  
  The story of Pussina is one of the favorite pickup 
lines in the universe.

  "What do you want?  A sign?" said Zip to Forny.
  "I'd take it," said Forny.  Forny was reminded why she
didn't hang around with Zip all the time.  He could be 
just so plain stupid.
  "Incoming signal," said the ship computer.
  "What does that mean?" said Zip to Pleasure.
  "Someone's trying to talk to us," said Pleasure.
  "See!" said Zip to Forny.  He stuck out his tongue.
  "It means nothing," said Forny.
  "Ship, receive message," said Pleasure for the primary
purpose of interrupting the argument.
  "Hello," said the message cheerfully, "Welcome to the 
planet Pussina.  We are currently all dead, however we
look forward to having ecstasy in a future life, so 
please return in about a million years.  Or longer. So 
long."
  Zip stared at Forny.
  "Okay, it's the planet Pussina," said Forny,
begrudgedly, "So what?"
  "I'm going to permanently energize the ship and have a 
really, really good time too," answered Zip, proudly.
  "But they're all dead," said Michael.
  "Don't they have answering machines on your planet?
Automated response"  said Zip.  "We're going to crash 
this dead man's party."
  "Pleasure, let's land this ship," Zip said.

  The ship door opened up and the glare of the sun
blared inside.  Pleasure stepped out onto the barren
planet, quickly followed by Forny.
  "Stay here, Frigid Man" said Zip to Michael.
  "Why?" asked Michael.
  "To protect the ship," replied Zip.
  "From what?  Everyone's dead," said Michael.
  "Just stay here," insisted Zip.
  "Fine!" said Michael dejectedly and walked away.
  Pleasure, Forny, and Zip walked into a nearby cave.
Pleasure had analyzed the ship sensors and determined
there was an underground network of rooms and corridors 
where the Pussies once worked and lived and had sex.  
Proably a lot of sex.
  They trio came immediately to a large room with 
several choices of door and corridors.
  "Let's split up," suggested Pleasure.
  "Why would we want to do that?" said Zip, suddenly 
fearful.
  "We can find what were looking for faster," said 
Pleasure.
  She held up her transmitter/sensor from her belt.
"We'll be able to contact and find each other," she 
said reassuringly.
  "I...I don't know,"  said Zip.
  "How about if Forny goes with you?" she suggested.
She did not want to be with him this moment.
  "I guess that would be okay," replied Zip, "And there
would still be three of us to look."
  "Exactly," said Pleasure, trying not to sound too 
sarcastic.
  Forny and Zip went one way.  Pleasure went another.

  "Let's take a walk, Org1," said Michael.  He was stir
crazy.
  "Does it involve sex?" asked Org1
  "No," said Michael.
  "Are you going outside?" asked Org1.
  "Yes," said Michael.
  "I'd rather stay," answered Org1.  "Bye."
  "Suit yourself,"  said Michael.
  Michael walked outside, up a hill, away from the
cavern.
  After a few minutes, Michael was surprised to see an 
actual door in the hillside.  He approached it.  
  Michael became thoughtful.  Here he was an earthling
light years from his planet, or what was his planet,
and he was on an alien planet with alien metal and 
alien air.  It was incredible.  And all in just a few 
days.
  He put the palm of his hand on the cold alien metal of
the door.
  Surprisingly, the door opened to his touch by 
retracting upward like a garage door.
  Michael boldly entered in.
  Michael wandered aimlessly through the many corridors.
He quickly realized he was lost, so he decided to head 
toward the hum of machinery in the distance.  Maybe 
there would be a someone there.
  Michael eventually came into an area where machine 
sounds were coming from various ends of the corridor 
junction.  He was about to decide to go down a corridor
that sounded louder with machines when he heard 
something from the corridor on his left.
  Michael turned to face it.
  The noise sounded very much like a woman in the midst
of sexual ecstasy.
  Michael didn't like the idea of interrupting such 
activity, if indeed that was what it was, but at least 
there were people here and maybe they could help him 
find his way back to the ship.
  Michael walked about 150 feet down the pathway and 
looked into an open door.
  In the middle of the room was what appeared to be a 
queen-sized examination room.  On top of the bed, on 
his back, was an old man that Michael thought looked 
like Obi Wan Kenobi.  On top of the old man was a large 
breasted woman bouncing up and down on the old man's 
dick.  The woman was obviously enjoying her activity 
very much.
  Michael was very surprised to see that the woman 
making all the noise was Pleasure.
  Michael courteously waited for Pleasure and Obi Wan
to finish their business before interrupting.
  When Pleasure finally screamed out in total orgasm, 
Michael found he had to step out of the room.  The echo
acoustics of the room was deafening.
  After the reverberation faded, Michael stepped back 
into the room.  Pleasure and Obi Wan were both on their
feet.
  Obi Wan noticed him first.
  "Oh, there you are Earthman," Obi Wan said.  "I'm
glad you are here so I don't have to go find you.  I've
greatly enjoyed the delicacies of this Earthwoman."
  Michael stood silently with his mouth agape, 
unhearing.
  The old man before him had a very fat and long dick.
That wasn't the cause of Michael's agapeness.  That was
caused by that fact that the old man's dick was 
naturally corrugated.  
  Pleasure spoke as if reading Michael's mind.
  "Amazing, isn't it," Pleasure said, looking back at 
the source of her best ecstasy ever.  She wiped some 
renewed drool from her mouth.  "I just had to have it."
  "Where's Zip and Forny?" Michael finally asked.
  "We split up," answered Pleasure.  "I was lucky
enough to be the one to make contact.  She smiled at
her use of the word "contact" as if she was a junior
high schoolgirl.
  As if on cue, Forny and Zip appeared through the 
doorway.
  "See I told you that moaning was Pleasure," said Zip
to Forny.  He was right twice in one day.  He was 
insufferably pleased with himself.
  "I thought you guys were all dead," said Forny.  Zip
would be impossible to be around for the next few days.
  "Everyone's in suspension," replied the old man.  
"I'm the only way awake.  They'll awaken when the
secret to the eternal orgasm is finally discovered."
  "What if you die?" Forny followed up.
  "The computer will wake up another scientist to
continue the research."
  "Unfortunately," the old man said sadly, "the Earth
was blown up before we could discover the answer.  We
were so close."  He shook his head.
  "Excuse me," said Michael, "did you say the Earth?"
  "Yes," confirmed the old man.  "I'd have to start
from almost the beginning if it wasn't for you
Earthman showing up."
  "Me?" said Michael quizically.

  A long time when the Pussies were first trying to 
answer the question to the eternal universe, they 
quickly realized the problem was immense.  They 
discovered a planet on the far fringes of the universe
where nobody ever went or would admit they went and
subtly watched the developing race of people called
Earthlings.  The Pussies developed high technology
to monitor the Earth people.  They transmitted signals
that relayed the erotic responses to the monitoring
ships on the dark side of the moon.  The earthlings,
not knowing the true intent of the monitoring devices,
called them "vibrators","dildos","blow-up dolls", 
"condoms", and similar items.  Hence, the very items
that brought people so much pleasure was the same 
source for so much information to the Pussies.

  "Yes," said the old man.  "I want to dissect your 
brain.  Its the most erogeneous part, you know."
  "No, it's not," interrupted Zip.  "That's just
something your parents tell you so you won't have sex
before you are five."
  "Yes, it is," said the old man.
  "No, it's not," argued Zip.
  "Ye.." said the the old man.  He was cut off.
  "Er...pardon me," said Michael.  "Uh...um...what's
your name?"
  "Smarty Fartass," the old man replied.
  "What!?" said Michael in surprise
  "I changed my name.  I didn't like my old name," said 
Smarty Fartass.
  "What was that?" persisted Michael.
  "OhBeeJuan KayKnowBee," replied Smarty Fartass, 
uncomfortably.
  "Why did you chose that name," continued Michael, even
more incredulously.
  "I'm the smart guy who discovered the fart is related
to sexual fullfilment," answer Smarty Fartass patiently.
  "The fart?  That smelly byproduct of eating too many 
beans?" said Michael, in further shock.
  "Yes," said Smarty Fartass.  "Can I have your brain 
now?"
  "I'd rather keep it," replied Michael.
  "I need a brain," responded Smarty Fartass.
  "What about Pleasure?" said Michael. It was everything
earthling for himself.
  "Well, she has a pussy and an ass.  You just have an
ass. That makes her more versatile for my satisfaction,"
said Smarty Fartass.
  "You'd be better off, Frigid Man," Zip suddenly 
suggested.
  Before Michael could respond, a loud explosion echoed
down the corridor.
  "What was that?" Michael and Forny exclaimed 
simultaneously.
  "That's just the Police Universal," said Smarty
Fartass, calmly.  "Something about a stolen spaceship."
  All eyes turned to Zip.
  The noise was getting closer and louder.  Everyone 
except for the native Pussy hid behind the bed.
  "Zipper Doubledix," came a loud voice, "Give yourself
up.  We won't hurt you."
  "Much," said a second voice.
  "Right," confirmed the first voice.  "Maybe a poke in
the eye or make you wear clothes for a while."
  "You'll never make me wear clothes," yelled Zip back
defiantly.
  "Shhh!" said Forny quietly.  "You'll let them know
where we are."
  Two shadows appeared in the doorway.
  "Your not Zip," the first voice said.
  "I am not," said Smarty Fartass.
  A 'ummph' sound came from behind the table followed
by panicked muttering.  Michael had slipped.
  "Come out from behind that table," said the first 
voice.
  Four sets of arm slowly rose up above the table like
nipples hardening in a cool breeze.  You're not sure 
you're seeing what you're seeing, but then you realize
it's what you thought they were.
  A electrical frying sound erupted.
  The first voice said, "Ack!"
  The second voice said, "Ack"
  When Zip, Forny, Pleasure, and Michael stood up fully, 
they saw the two Police Universal officers collapsed on 
the floor and apparently dead.
  "What happened?" said Forny to the only witness.
  "They went 'ack!' and fell down," said Smarty Fartass.
  "How..." said Forny.
  "Who cares," interrupted Zip, rudely, "Let's get out
of here.  This planet is nowhere-ville as an energy 
source."
  "You ready to energize, Pleasure?" Zip asked, 
excitedly.
  "No way," said Pleasure, "I'm still wiped out."
  Zip caught her look at Smarty Fartass.
  "Him?" said Zip.  "Oh!"  He saw Smarty Fartass's dick.
  "Very, very nice dick," complimented Zip.
  "Thank you.  You're better than average yourself," 
said Smarty Fartass.
  "Are you recovered enough?" said Zip to Forny.
  "Not to get us very far," said Forny.
  "I can help you energize your ship," said Smarty 
Fartass, "I'll give you enough power to get to "The
Orgy at the End of Time"
  "Hey!" said Zip, slapping his head.  "Why didn't I
think of going there."
  "Probably because you had your head up her ass," 
Smarty Fartass replied, referring to Zip's dick and to 
Pleasure respectively.
  
  The five of them walked out of the underground tunnels
into the bright sun.  Org1 was outside slumped in the 
dust.  It rose upon their approach.
  "Org1!" said Zip, happily, "What have you been up to?"
  "I decided to go over to the police ship for 
conversation," said Org1.  "It seemed like a friendly
enough talk, but when I asked if it wanted to have sex,
it fried itself."
  "Tough luck," said Zip, "I'm sure there's a machine
out there for you,"
  "In a black hole," Zip said, under his breath.
  
  With special canisters of compressed orgasm energy,
Smarty Fartass helped fuel the ship Orgasma.
  They all stood just outside the open ship door when
the task was complete.
  "Will you not decide to stay, Michael," Smarty 
Fartass asked one last time.  He saw thousands and 
thousands of years of research ahead of him without the
Earth brain.
  "No," said Michael, flatly.  He danced off into the 
ship away from the potential brain snatcher.  He turned
on some relaxing Celtic-sounding music.
  "And you, Pleasure?" said Smarty Fartass.  "Will you
not stay and explore our sexuality."
  "I first came with Zip to see the universe," explained
Pleasure.  "There's a lot more to see.  Besides, I think
you'd never get any work done if I stayed.
  "I'm sure you're correct," said Smarty Fartass.  "So 
long and thanks for the sex."  He turned and went 
underground.
  The remaining three went into the ship.

  The ship Orgasma rose into the sky.  It broke orbit
and with the coordinates Zip provided.  Pleasure jumped
the ship into hyperspace.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com> |
| FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html>  Moderator: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Archive: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org> Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository |
|<http://www.asstr-mirror.org>, an entity supported entirely by donations.         |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+