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Message-ID: <31128asstr$993715804@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: "Johnny D." <mr_johnny@bigfoot.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} One Man and his Dick (M-solo) by Johnny D.
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 04:10:04 -0400
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Nosiree, I don't have an ego, not at all.  Even though I've written an
entire story about how great my penis is.

If you like these ramblings in any way, drop me an email and tell me
about it!  Feedback = happy authors = more stories, don't you know.
To check out my other works, most of which do not star my dick,
just point your web browser at:

  http://member.newsguy.com/files/Authors/j/wwwondfic/jd/

If you'd like my future creations delivered directly into your
mailbox, there's a mailing list on the website you can sign-up
to.

***

One Man and his Dick
====================

by Johnny D.


I kinda like my dick.

I don't think there's anyone that's entirely happy with their own body.
Look in the mirror and there's always a bit that's too big or too
small, too fair or too flabby.  Me, I think my toes are ugly, my ankles
hurt, my belly protrudes far too much and my shoulders are just plain
bony.  But my dick, I like.

Not that it's anything special.  They say the average size of a penis
is six inches, but like half of men everywhere mine is below-average.  
Can't really say it bothers me much though.  I mean, what are all 
those extra inches actually _for_?

And while I'm on size, my penis is totally, absolutely TINY when it's
unaroused.  I'm talking between one and one-and-a-half inches long
here.  Let me tell you, that can be seriously embarassing in the
urinals.  But when I get aroused it grows...  and grows...  and grows!
I don't know where all the extra size comes from, but come it does and
I'm thankful for it.  I might lose size contests but I'll put my
expansion ratio against yours anyday.

And on the plus side, I don't have to worry about which trouser-leg my
dick is hanging down.

It's uncircumsized too, which I really really like.  The head is really
sensitive and I can't imagine what it would be like if it were in
direct contact with my underwear for every hour of every day.  Yech.
Would I be continually be distracted by the motion of the cloth across
the glans?  More probably I suspect I'd become accustomed to it; in
other words, it'd become less sensitive.  But I like the head of my
penis being sensitive.

And foreskin is nice in itself.  I like to slide it back and forth over
the (sensitive) head when I masturbate.  Back and forth, back and
forth.  I wonder sometimes just how circumsized men masturbate at all.

I love masturbating.  It was really, _really_ late in my youth that I
got the hang of doing it properly, but once I started I found it hard
to stop.  I was doing it at least twice a day back then; as the years have
rolled by I've cut down a touch but I still masturbate to orgasm what I
would call "a hell of a lot".  And that's not even counting those
brief, relaxing strokes I indulge in with astonishing (to me)
regularity.

One thing I do find quite hard is masturbating over nothing but my own
thoughts.  I much prefer to have something visual to stroke over.
Don't get me wrong; this isn't due to any paucity of imagination on my 
part, but really my thoughts are very, very unstructured.  Always leaping 
between three, four or five different concepts, and it's hard to reach a 
crescendo that way.  But even just writing down a story, or typing my 
thoughts into a computer, helps me enormously, because it enforces a 
structure onto my fantasies; a beginning, a middle and an end.  Ooooh, 
that's nice, that's nicer, better, better, oh yes, OH YES, ORRRRGASM!  
You get the drift.

My little friend in my trousers, he really likes a bit of structure.

One thing I find amazing about masturbation is that my wrists get
tired long before he does.  When I think of all the energy, all the
pressure that I expend on him, it strikes me as just incredible how
little he complains.  Surely it should be just one big bruise by now, I
sometimes think?  Surely my wrist should be stronger than my dick?

My wrists are kinda bony, but I really really like my dick.

My job brings me into contact with lots and lots of attractive young
adults, and my dick really likes them too.  Look at that girl, I
think ten times every day.  More in the summer.  What a cute arse
she's got.  Or what a nice pair of tits.  Or what a beautiful smile,
what lovely hair.  Is it the same for women, I wonder?  Do your dicks
get hard when you see an attractive man?  ;-)  I jest, of course, but
does it arouse you?

Not that my dick does get hard from a glimpse of a beautiful woman, you
understand, but it likes it just the same.  Is it so wrong, I wonder,
to appreciate female beauty?

I guess I'm kinda a voyeur.  Sometimes I think I'd love to open up
people's private lives like chocolate boxes, and taste the sweetest
sweets they have, be surprised at the fillings.  What do you like, I
think?  What's your kink?  And sometimes I'm scared that I'll open the
boxes and they'll all be hazelnut whirl.  Missionary position, twice a
month, what's an orgasm?

Thoughts like that depress my little dick, make him all sad and
down-pointing.  And small.

It's like apple-scrumping, I guess.  The grass is always greener on the
other side of the fence, the apples always sweeter in next-door's
garden, and other's peoples privacy is only alluring because you don't
know what goes on behind their closed doors.  I'm sure somewhere
there's someone who wonders what goes on in _my_ private life.

Sad, sad people.

I like my dick, though.  It's hard and knobbly and squirts white stuff
with a bit of coaxing.  Like many men, I once tasted that white stuff
and I don't know about other men but mine tasted so salty I was almost
sick.  Yech.  Anyone want to give me a blow-job?  I've got a vomit-bag
to hand, just in case.  ;)

There's only one thing that's guaranteed to make my dick hard: women.  I
like women.  "What kind of woman do you like, Johnny?" sometimes people
will ask.  "Female ones." I reply.  So long as their breasts can't be
mistaken for zeppelins and they don't have too many piercings, I really
like all women.  God, is that a cop-out answer or what?  ;)

But I like blondes, and brunettes, and redheads, and small breasts, and 
big breasts, and long legs, and short legs, and painted nails, and
unpainted nails, and hairy genitals, and shaven genitals.  I like
women.  Me and my dick, we both of us like women.  Full stop.

Does that make us easy-going or not very selective?  Does it mean we
have no standards or an open mind?

Me and my dick, we don't care.

I like my dick.  And, I think, my dick likes me.

*****

P.S. Did you know: The 'D' in my name actually stands for "dick".  I
thought of this pseudonym many many years ago, when I was rather less
mature, and it struck me then as a humorous name to have.  "Johnny
Dick".  "Johnny" is of course another word for "Condom", so really my 
name is "Condom Dick".  Even then, I knew that "Condom Dick" wouldn't be 
a good choice of name, so I massaged it into "Johnny D."  True story.

Yours faithfully,

Condom Dick.

***

COPYRIGHT NOTICE: This story remains at all times the exclusive copyright
of the author known as Johnny D.  You, the reader, are hereby granted
permission to keep a private copy of this story, and to make paper copies
for your own personal use only; however, my authorship and this warning
must NOT be removed from the manuscript.  You may show this story to other
people individually.  You may NOT distribute the story publicly without
my permission.  This includes (but is not limited to): placing the story
on a web site, FTP site, mailserver; posting it to a mailing list or
newsgroup; putting it on a CD-ROM.  Do any of these without my say so and
I will be very angry.

In other words, if you want to use this story for anything, you have to
ask me first.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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