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From: canyonero14@excite.com (canyonero14)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 12 Jun 2001 20:57:58 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} Sex Guide to the Universe (Part 2)
Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 01:10:05 -0400
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SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F)                         *
[part 2]

  Forny Perfect awoke.
  She had dozed off during the hyper jump.  Michael Slunk
was beside her.  He was still asleep.
  Forny could hear the sound of footsteps and talking in
the distance.
  Forny rolled over Michael and off the bunk and stood up.
  She shook Michael gently.
  "Wake up.  Wake up," Forny said quietly.
  "Huh..." said Michael sleepily.  "What!" he said, 
startled to see Forny.  He raised up abruptly.
"Owwwww!" he cried when his head hit the bunk above him.
  "Shhhhhh!" Forny said insistently, as he collapsed back 
down on the bunk and held his head.  He now had a rather
nice contusion.
  Michael's brain started to work at this moment. Perhaps
it was the rush of blood to his forehead from hitting it 
on the metal bar under the bunk.  He knew something was 
wrong.
  Michael sat up and put his feet on the floor.  This
was not a sunshine day in the middle of an alley where
he and Forny just powerfully 69'd each other.  This was a
dimly lit room.  The walls where metallic and curved
cylindrically.  There were rows and rows of 3-high 
sleeping bunks that reminded him of a military barracks.
  Forny was good at explaining away a lot of the weird 
things he experienced when he was around her, such as when
she pulled that live cat out of his garbage disposal.  She
had said the disposal looked like a mouth that needed to 
eat pussy and she thought cats were surrogate vaginas 
that were created by people.  She then said she was from
Kentucky.  That was more plausible.  He was especially 
interested to see how she would explain this.
  "We're not in the alley, are we?" Michael asked, afraid
of what he might hear.
  Forny was amazed at how often humans would rather talk
about the weather or state the very, very obvious or 
worse yet, watch CNN, rather than talk about sex.
  "No, Michael,"  Forny replied.
  Unfortunately, that was the answer Michael was afraid
of.  Now, he would be compelled to get a rational
explanation.  That could be next to impossible with 
Forny.
  Michael was about to ask the reasonable question of 
'where are we?' when he saw the pictures on the walls.
They were all pictures of erect dicks.  
  "Forny, be honest with me," Michael said, as his
little brain tried to put the pieces together. 
  "Have I been asleep and they've built a Warehouse Porn
Club store where my house was and that's where I live 
now?" Michael asked.  "And where's my stuff?"
  "No, Michael.  We're on a spaceship," Forny responded.
  A spaceship was not an answer Michael's brain had 
authorized him to consider.  He liked his implausible
answer much better.
  "I'm sorry.  I didn't get that," said Michael "It 
sounded like you said 'spaceship'.
  "I did,"  replied Forny.
  His brain still didn't quite get it, but it bludgeoned
on.
  "And just what are we doing on this spaceship?" said
Michael.
  "Hiding from the Vulvans," Forny replied.
   Michael didn't know if he was to think of a woman's 
anatomy or a pointed-ear Star Trek character.
  "And why are we hiding from the Vulvans?" Michael
continued.
  "This is their ship and they don't like people 
sneaking on to it."
  The answers were coming to him maddeningly slow.  Forny
seemed extra opaque in his current experience with her.
  "And why are we on their ship if they don't want us?"
Michael forged ahead.
  Forny knew she'd have to tell him, though something in
her wanted him to just catch on as they went along.
  "I saved our lives," Forny replied.
  Again this was not the answer Michael thought he would 
get.  He didn't know what the right answer was but he'd 
know it when he heard it.
  Michael thought Forny seemed a bit smug in her response.
  "Saved from what?" Michael asked.
  "Death," she replied.
  Oh, that seemed like a good thing thought Michael.
  Suddenly, Michael felt tired.  Talking to Forny made
him tired.
  "Can I go home now?" Michael asked.
  "No," she shook her head sadly, "It's been destroyed."
  "What!  They destroyed my house?  Those assholes.  I'm
going to sue the city planning office!" Michael said.
  "That's been destroyed too," Forny said.
  "What?" said Michael, a little surprised.  "I'll sue
the Warehouse Porn Club then," Michael said.
  "They're all destroyed," Forny responded.
  "Huh?" said Michael, as his mind screeched to another
halt and had to shift into another gear.  He'd need an
oil change soon.
  "What do you mean?" Michael asked, wondering.
  "The Earth has been destroyed," said Forny, forlornly.
  "By who?  Or what?" Michael asked, as if the answer
really mattered.
  "The Vulvans," Forny answered
  "The Vulvans!" Michael said, raising his voice.
  "Shhh!" Forny said.  "We don't want to be discovered.
They destroyed the Earth so they can build a Sex Planet
Warehouse."
  "They destroyed the Earth to build a porn shop?" said
Michael, increduously.
  "Well, there wasn't one out in this part of the 
universe," said Forny, factually.
  Michael's brain blew a gasket.  He needed a major 
engine overhaul now.
  "So that's why they have all the phallic pictures on
the walls," asked Michael.
  "Those are..." Forny stopped.  "Here this will 
explain."
  Forny pulled a metallic cylindrical object out of 
her pussy.  It started to immediately fold open.  In a 
few seconds the Sex Guide said, "Sex Guide ready.
  "Michael, I'm not really a personal injury lawyer,"
Forny confessed.
  "Oh, good," Michael said, obviously relieved to know
she had a different profession.  "What do you do?"
  "I'm a reporter for the Sex Guide to the Universe."
said Forny.  "Here, you can look up the Vulvans in the
Guide."
  Forny handed the Sex Guide to him.
  Michael looked at it increduously.  It was oddly dry.
Forny's pussy juices were not on it.
  Michael took it.
  On the cover in large red sensuous letters in a very
erotic font were the words "FUCK ME".
  "Vulvans," Michael said quietly.
  "Vulvans," the Sex Guide spoke to Michael's suprise.  
"The Vulvans are beings from the planet Vulva.  The 
Vulvans are a strange sexual race.  The female Vulvan
pussy is unusually large while the the male Vulvan 
dick is only 1 inch long erect.  This situation 
provided great sexual disatisfaction for the females
which led to strife between the sexes.  The females
eradicted all the males except for 200 who were forced
to live in a penis colony to keep the race alive.  
Eventually cloning technology eliminated the need for
males and the penis colony was destroyed along with all
the Vulvan males.  To commemorate the elimination of 
all males, the Vulvans make all their ships in the 
shape of a dick."
  "Sexual encounters with Vulvans:" the Sex Guide 
continued.  "Avoid.  Vulvans are grumpy and appear to 
be on constant PMS.  Vulvans are considered to have
the stenchiest pussy of all races.  Do NOT eat a 
Vulvan pussy.  Sex Guide off."
  "That's why we're hiding," said Forny.
  "And you write these articles?" asked Michael.
  "Yes," replied Forny.  "I was working on updating the
Earth's, but I got stuck.  I couldn't find a ride off
the planet."
  "Is there an entry on Earth?" asked Michael, 
excitedly.
  "Well...yes," said Forny, hesitantly.
  "Sex Guide on," said Michael, energetically.
  "Sex Guide ready."
  "Earth," said Michael with anticipation.
  "Earth, said the Sex Guide.  "Earthlings:  Entirely
frigid.  Sex Guide off."
  "That's it!" said Michael.
  "Don't raise your voice," Forny cautioned.
  "I've sent an update," Forny timidly offered.
  "What does it say?" asked Michael, trying not to 
sound too hopeful.
  "Almost, but not quite, entirely frigid," Forny said,
uncomfortably.
  Michael was about to respond in outrage, but his 
nostrils were suddenly assaulted.  Something reeked.
  "What's that's smell?" Michael asked.
  Forny didn't smell any thing at first, but then she
got a whiff.  The unmistakable smell of Vulvan pussies.
The smell was getting stronger.  They were getting 
closer.
  "Come," Forny said as she turned to look down the
hallway shaft.  "Someone will be here anytime now.  The
engine rooms are in the balls of this dick."
  Michael stood up and realized he was still naked.  
"Where are my clothes?" he asked.
  "You don't need clothes in the universe.  Why do you
think Earth was called frigid?" Forny responded.  "The
only thing ever worn is a belt to carry things."
  Michael had no answer.  He wanted to argue but the 
smell was getting painful.
  "This way."  Forny pointed down the hallway.
  They walked to the end of the hallway.  There were 3
doors.
  "Looks like they've changed the design of their ships,"
Forny said.  "I wonder where this middle door goes?  
These two will lead to each of the engine balls."
  Forny opened the left door and Michael followed her 
through.
  "Oh, hello," said Forny as 3 pairs of Vulvan eyes 
stared at them when they entered.  Forny rued that this
was not the hallway to an engine ball, but instead it
appeared to be the ship infirmary.
  "Oops, wrong door," apologized Forny, "We'll just take
the next one.
  "Halt," said a Vulvan.  The Vulvan raised from her belt
what looked like a dick and pointed it at them as if it 
was a weapon.
  "We're in trouble, aren't we?" asked Michael.
  "Yes," came Forny's solemn reply.

  Michael and Forny were on their knees.  Six 7-foot tall
Vulvan guards stood by them.  The dull orange skin of the
Vulvans contrasted with the fluorescent pink of their 
pussies.  It really made their pussies stand out.  The
pussies looked like large pink flowers, but flowers that
grew at the trash dump.
  In front of them was the captain of the Vulvan ship.
Her pussy was in front of them and they were between her
legs.  Michael marvelled at the size of her pussy.  He 
thought he could put his whole head inside it.
  Besides the size, the most obvious feature was the smell.
Michael had never smelled anything so horrendous.  His 
head swam and he had trouble thinking clearly.  Shooting
a Vulvan into enemy territory would be the ultimate 
chemical warfare weapon.
  Both Michael and Forny gasped heavily out of their 
mouths.  Lungs burned as they breathed in the scent.
  "Intruders," the Vulvan Captain spoke, "I should
just throw you out the airlock, but if you can lick me
to orgasm I will spare your lives and drop you off at the
next planet we're not scheduled to destroy."
  Forny thought about it.  The airlock sounded like the 
most promising option.
  However, Michael started to lick the captain's pussy
right away.  This surprised Forny.
  Michael's tongue felt like it was aflame as he ran it
on the big pussy lips.  As he continued, the pain 
subsided as his tongue became desensitized.  He 
energetically licked that pussy as if his life depended
upon it.  It did.
  Forny was suprised to see the Vulvan respond so 
erotically to Michael.  Maybe this would work after all. 
She joined in and began licking on the pussy lips on her
side.
  Michael was getting tired but he was persistent.  He 
was determined nothing was going to slow him down.  He   
was going to live.
  The captain moaned out loud in orgasm.  A gasp came 
from the crowd of watching Vulvans.
  Michael and Forny rasped for breath.  Forny held her
side.  Michael hoped there was a place in the universe
where he could get a tongue transplant.
  The captain spoke.
  "That was the best orgasm I have ever had," she said.
"Out the airlock with them."
  "What!" cried Michael.  This was a very bad day.
  "But your orgasm!" interjected Forny.
  "Exactly," said the captain.  "I'm a bitch.  I don't
want anyone else having as good an experience as I just
had."

  Michael and Forny found themselves locked in the 
airlock.  They had unsuccessfully tried to propostion 
the guards.  They said they would be their secret sex 
slaves, but the guards just did their job.
  Forny climbed on top of Michael in the 69 position.
"Please lick me one last time," Forny asked.
  The hatch opened and they popped out into dark space.
  Forny and Michael orgasmed together.

  Michael and Forny gasped for breath on the cold floor
of a spaceship.  They seemed to have spent the last hour
just trying to catch their breath in one way or another.
  A woman's voice spoke over an intercom.
  "Hello, whoever you are," she said, cheerily.  
"Welcome to the ship Orgasma."

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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