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NNTP-Posting-Date: 6 Jun 2001 20:29:29 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} Sex Guide to the Universe (Pt 1)
Date: Wed,  6 Jun 2001 22:10:04 -0400
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SEX GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE  (M/F)                         *
[part 1]


  Michael Slunk blood boiled.  His face was redder than
a corvette carrying two hot blondes down the I-10.  If
Michael Slunk was a cartoon character steam would come
out of his ears and an egg would fry on top of his head
  The object of his wrath stood in front of him trying
to explain.
  "Now, Mr. Slunk," the object who was the construction
foreman said,  "I'm just doing my job and that's to 
tear down your house.  Progress, you know"
  "And just what's going to replace my house.  I can't
live in a shoe store!" yelled Michael.  He looked down
from his front step of his modest two bedroom house at
the man.
  "There are many apartments available on South side.
We have to make way for a new Warehouse Porn Club 
store," the object said.
  "What!?!  Another chain porn shop!" raged Michael.
"They have fifteen stores in San Antonio already."
  "Calm down, Mr. Slunk,"  The foreman knew he should
have taken a longer break.  "This is a Warehouse Porn
Club store.  The other stores are all Porn Warehouse 
Club stores"
  The foreman enuciated the store name slowly.
"Competition, you know."
  "What!?!" screamed Michael, unsatisfied with the
answer.  "Did you know there's an elementary school 
just around the corner? Did you know that!"
  "When the children grow up," the foreman started to
explain, "and they have a need for porn.  They'll
already have one in the neighborhood.  It will keep
the economy going in this part of the city. City 
planning, you know."
  And with that the foreman turned and walked away.
He'd need two or three lunch breaks to make it through
the day today.
  Michael tried to say something else before he was out
of earshot, but he just stammered.  He was in a daze.
It was if his mind was severely stunned by seeing
Rosie O'Donnell in a bikini.  You just don't recover
quickly.

  "Hello, Michael," a new voice said.
  Michael turned to the voice.  His frustration rose
even higher.
  It was Forny Perfect.
  Michael first met Forny in a local bar about three
years ago.  She was a small redheaded woman, yet she
could drink any guy in the bar under the table.  She'd
compete with 4 or 5 guys one after the other, but she
always seemed totally unphased by alcohol.
  Forny had somehow attached herself to Michael that
evening and he couldn't completely get rid of her.
Forny was attractive and all, but she was a lawyer.  
Worst of all, she was a personal injury lawyer.  Michael
always thought she should lie and say she was a 
prostitute, club dancer, or newspaper journalist.  All
those occupations would be slightly more respectful.
  It wasn't that Michael disliked Forny, it was just
that there was always something slightly odd about her.
He could never quite put his finger on it.  Maybe it
was that she stood a little too close to you when you
talked to her or that her breasts seemed a different 
size and shape everytime you saw her.  Maybe it was 
that she was always asking about his sex life.  Most 
likely it was her uncanny knack for showing up at 
inconvenient times. Like now.  
  "Michael," said Forny, "Can you come with me?  We 
need to talk."
  "Well, I'm kind of busy right now.  They want to 
destroy my house," explained Michael  "Can we talk 
later?  I'll call you."
  Forny sighed.  She was distressed.  She didn't want
to have to spend the time convincing Michael.
  "It's really, really important," said Forny.  She
flashed her teeth in a big smile.
  That was another thing that bothered Michael about
Forny.  Why was it that when she smiled her BIG smile,
he felt like he saw her cleavage?  Forny rarely wore
anything that actually revealed anything.
  "But my house," Michael protested, weakly.
  "Oh, don't worry Michael.  You worry too much.  After
all they're going to destroy a lot more than your 
house," answered Forny, confidently.
  "What!?!" said Michael suddenly alarmed.
  "Michael.  Come!"  Forny waggled her index finger at
him.  She turned and started to walk away.
  Michael, not sure what to do next, decided to follow
her since it was at least *something* to do.
  Forny turned her head and was pleased to see Michael
following her.  She waited for him to catch up.
  "What do you mean they're going to destroy a lot more,"
Michel asked, as they walked away.
  "It's all going," Forny replied.
  "The block?" asked Michael.
  "Yep," Forny replied.
  "The gas station?"
  "Yep."
  "The elementary school?"
  "Yep"
  "That asshole!" exclaimed Michael.
  "What?" asked Forny.
  "He lied to me.  He told me a Warehouse Porn Club 
store is going to help the economy with an elementary
school nearby.  But they're going to destroy the 
school."
  Forny liked Michael, but one of the frequent problems
she had with him is she often had no idea what he was
talking about and she suspected he didn't either.  This
was one of those times.
  They were a couple of blocks away from his house now.
  "This way," Forny said, turning right into an alley.
  The alley looked a bit unsavory to Michael.
  "Why are we going this way?  Where are we going?" 
Michael asked curiously.

  'Curious' was not a word Michael would use if he 
realized Forny Perfect was not a personal injury 
lawyer, but actually a journalist for the 
universe-renowned 'Sex Guide to the Universe'.  The
Sex Guide was a smaller version of the top selling 
'Guide to the Universe'.  Since most of the beings in
the universe where having sex or thinking about sex,
the Sex Guide was only 5 MB smaller than the full 
Guide.  The Sex Guide also cost a little more.  The
publishers discovered that people were willing to pay 
extra to eliminate the occasional non-sex references.

  Forny went behind some crates and boxes.  She 
started to lay out a blanket on the ground.
  "Where did you get that blanket?" Michael asked.
  "I was carrying it, " Forny replied calmly, as
she straightened the blanket out.
  "No, you weren't!" insisted Michael
  "Yes, I was," replied Forny with composure.
  Forny start to pull up her shirt.
  Michael saw her exposed belly.
  "What are you doing?" Michael asked, as she kept 
raising her shirt up.  Panic was in his voice.
  "You need to get undressed, Michael," Forny said,
evenly.
  "Uh...why?" Michael asked.
  "The world is coming to an end," Forny said.
  "Is it?" said Michael
  "Yes," replied Forny
  "And it's better to be naked when that happens?"
  "Yes.  Get undressed.  I'll explain in a few minutes."
  Michael didn't trust her, but he started to undress
anyway.
  He was amazed to see fantastic fiery red pubic hair
on Forny.  He always thought she colored her hair.
  Michael stood in his underwear.  Forny was completely
naked.
  "Everything off, Michael.  And lay down on the 
blanket," Forny said.
  "So this is it?  We're going to have sex?" asked 
Michael."
  "Michael," said Forny, exasparated.  "Now! Please?"
She motioned for him to pull his briefs down.
  "So, are we?" he asked again, as he started to pull
down his briefs.
  "Michael!" Forny said.  Time was short.
  "Well, are we?" he continued to ask, as he laid down.
"It's just I've never been naked in an alley before."
  "Yes, Michael.  We are," Forny finally replied.
  Michael had never viewed Forny in a sexual way.  She
was just this friend who always gave him a headache
when she showed up.
  Forny lowered herself on top of Michael in the "69"
position.
  "Lick my pussy, Michael," Forny instructed.
  Michael started to tentatively lick his tongue out 
on to her pussy.
  "I thought you said something about an explanation of
why we're doing this now?" Michael said.  
  "Lick harder," Forny said.  She ground her pussy into
his face.  "An orgasm makes the teleport and the hyper 
jump less disorienting."
  "Ah,"  Michael said, as if he understood.  He licked
Forny's pussy deeper and harder.  "The hyper jump..."
  "Yes, Michael," Forny cried out "You're doing it,
you're doing it.  Oh, Great Hump of Wednesday, I'm
going to come!"
  Forny's body shook powerfully on top of  Michael.  He
was suprised she came so fast.  Suddenly, his head swam.
It felt like Forny had swallowed his entire dick and 
balls into her mouth.  Deep in his brain, Michael felt 
himself come intensely without actually ejaculating.

  Forny opened her eyes.  It was dark.  Michael's gentle
breathing tickled her pussy.  She rolled off of him 
without waking him up on to the bunk mattress.  
  There were sounds in the distance of beings moaning.  
They were preparing for the hyper jump Forny knew.  In a
few minutes, Forny heard a cacophony of orgasms and she 
felt the spaceship move into hyperspace.  Forny had 
escaped Earth, but she still felt far from safe.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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