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Subject: {ASSM} I FOUGHT THE LAW, AND...  2 (mc)
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 01:10:03 -0400
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I FOUGHT THE LAW, AND...  2 (mc)

Copyright by Writerzblocked, 2001.  All rights, well, you know. Repost and
archive to your heart's content, just don't charge anyone for it or I'll have
to send Harry Long after you. You all know the rest of the drill by now.  I'm
not
big on headers and/or labels, so anyone reposting may feel free to add whatever
MF, MM, FF stuff they think is necessary.  


********************

CHAPTER 2


"You OK?"

"Yeah," I answered.  

"I wasn't talking to you, dipshit!" Sergeant '70s Asshole was pretty pissed
right about now. 

I would've taken issue with his attitude, but I was still sky-high from that
cum in the alley.  I mean, I was really up there in the clouds.  I don't do
drugs, but I imagine it's how a junkie feels during his first week or so. 
Maybe that's why I didn't put up much resistance when they slapped the cuffs on
me and shoved me into the back seat of the wagon.  Or maybe it was just that I
hadn't had so much fun in years and I didn't want it to end.  I mean, these
guys were just soooo full of themselves that messing with them seemed the thing
to do.  It's that little problem with authority again, I guess. Anyway, I just
kinda glanced behind me long enough to say good-bye to my corner as the cop car
scooted away.  One way or the other, I figured I wouldn't be back for a while.

The two cops had helped Officer Hooker into the front seat right after they'd
stuffed me in the back. She wasn't saying or doing much.  She was so far out of
it that she couldn't even put her own clothes back on.  Oh, yeah, I learned her
name was Sally Hooper.  Hooper, Hooker, I wasn't far off.  I kinda watched 'em
as they slid the tank top back on and fixed her mini.  They both balked when
they came to the panties, though, and they went in an evidence bag in the
trunk. Sergeant Asshole was just too damned pissed to show much anything else,
but the other guy - I think I remember she said his name was Gilbert - looked
like he was enjoying himself a little bit too much.  Not that there's anything
wrong with that. I bet he was popping one downstairs while his hands were doing
their official duty.  And, yeah, he was old, but not all THAT old.  He slid in
the driver's seat while Sergeant Asshole parked his big butt next to little old
nasty cop rapist me. 

They'd made it several blocks and Sergeant was still trying to get a reaction
out of Hooper.  I'd like to think it was because of that world's greatest cum
she had back in the alley, but I knew better.  She'd come back to earth just as
I was starting to, but I don't like women who fuck and tell.  She wasn't going
to be saying anything for quite a while...

But, still, it didn't stop him from trying. 

"What the hell happened back there, Hooper?"  he asked her through the mesh.

"She had the fuck of her goddamned life, that's what happened."

Gilbert took his eyes off the road long enough to shoot me some eye lightning
through the mesh.  "He told you, you dumbnut, homeboy wannabe, you shut the
fuck up!!"

I smiled and showed off my gold tooth.  "I might not have the skin, Officer
Gilbert, sir, but everyone around here likes me just the same..."  It was
kinda, sorta, the truth.  I'd been hanging here for years now and no one'd
complained - much.

"...or didn't you hear all the love from my boys back there.  They all
appreciate a good screwing, especially when it's one of you folk what gets
screwed."

For a minute, I thought he was going to actually pull the car over and come at
me.  That would've been...interesting.  No one's tried it in years.  Not after
what happened to Hector the Hamster Homo.  Word spreads pretty quick through my
part of town. 

But Sergeant Asshole was evidently a by-the-book Asshole.  "He's not worth it,
Crowley. Wait until we get him in the box.  Then we'll see who gets screwed."

Geez, guys, I thought, just give me MORE ideas, won't you?  This was just going
to be TOO much fun.

"So, Gilbert," I asked offhandedly, you enjoy putting that tank top back on
Hooper back there?"  

Gilbert let up on the gas again, but quickly got back up to speed.  Sergeant
Asshole revved up to give me an elbow, but suddenly stopped, and his teeth
started grinding rather painfully.  Seemed he was having a seizure.  Or
something.

"I mean, 'fess up.  I bet you wanted to throw away your badge when you were
decidin' whether or not to put her panties back on, didn't you?"

I stared at his eyes through the rear view mirror as his mouth did its best to
try not to answer.   He looked and sounded more like Mel Tillis than one of the
city's finest.

"I....I..."

"Oh, c'mon now, Gilbert, don't lie to me and tell me your pecker didn't want to
run head first under that skirt and get some of what I got."

His face was shaking now, his brows doing the shimmy around his eyes.  "I...I
guess so..."

I leaned forward on the seat approvingly and nodded my head.  "Hey, whataya
know, there ARE honest cops in this town!"

I didn't think it was possible after that last cum, but Mr. Chuckles was
enjoying the way this line of questioning was going.  Not ecstatic, mind you,
but just happy enough to let me know he approved.  You see, Mr. Chuckles
doesn't like authority much either and he's really the only guy I listen to on
a regular basis.

I leaned over to the mesh to Gilbert's ear and whispered, just loud enough so
that Hooper and Sergeant Asshole could hear.  "Sorry, guy, but she told me she
think's you're too damned old to fuck."  

Evidently, that was a sore spot on Officer Gilbert Crowley and he turned to the
near comatose Hooper.  "What the hell?  I'm only 45, I'm not fucking dead!" 

"Well, in her defense, I've heard you start to...well, shoot your gun pretty
damned quick when you hit 40," I chimed in merrily.  "That's probably all she
meant.  I dunno if you kept track back there, but she needed almost 20 minutes
of heavy action to bring the hood down around us."

"Hell, you little shit.  I've held out longer than that."  Talk about full of
himself. 

Suddenly Mr. Chuckles was at full attention.  He was loving this.  "Yeah,
right.  Give a guy a badge and police powers and he thinks he's Ron Jeremy or
something.  She gives really, really good head...for a cop.  I bet you wouldn't
even last from here to the station house."

"Oh, give me a fuckin' break.  That's only five minutes away if we catch the
lights."

I leaned back again and smiled as I caught his face again in the mirror.  I
didn't think his eyes could get much more crossed than they were a minute or so
ago - but I was wrong. 

"What the hell?  Hooper??!!!!"

"Hey, Mr. Gilbert, Officer, sir, you'd better keep those hands on the wheel. 
Think what the papers would say if we got in a wreck right now."

I've never actually seen a police uniform up close and personal. I always
figured the zippers worked pretty much like any other zippers.  Again, I was
wrong.  They were louder.  Or maybe she was just being especially blatant about
it for all of us in the back seat without a clear view.  In any case, Mr.
Chuckles was enjoying himself and that was good enough for me.

"Hooper?!!!!   Stop it!  I mean...  "C'mon now, I'm a married man.  What the
hell has gotten into you?!!!"

Of course, being the good law-enforcement official he was, he did his best to
avoid the possibility of injuring innocent pedestrians and kept both hands on
the wheel. He even slowed the car down to a crawl to account for the adverse
driving conditions. 

"Geez, please, Sally, I didn't mean...  c'mon, Sally...  For the love of..."

She must have really wanted to prove how good she was.  Between the amazingly
loud slurping and the occasional choking noises, I was wondering if we maybe
might need the paramedics instead of the cops.  

"...oh, damn it, Sally.  Please.  Oh, geez.  Watch the teeth.  Oooooh."

These two were just TOO good. It was beginning to be just a little too much for
Mr. Chuckles to take.  He was going to need some help - and soon. I turned to
Sergeant Asshole to see if he was enjoying it as much as we were.  He didn't
seem to be.  So sad for him.

Suddenly, he seemed to snap out of his seizure (or whatever) and take in the
situation.

"What the hell is going on up there, you two?"

"Sorry...Sarge...I don't...ahh.. know what's...come.. aaaahhh....over..."

I scowled at Officer Asshole.  "Damn, Sarge, don't you know true love when you
hear it?"

He looked perplexed.  Evidently Officer Asshole Academy didn't cover this one. 
He pushed his head to the mesh to better observe.  

Again I barked at him.  "Hey, down in front!!!  Some of us are trying to watch
the show!!!"

He turned to me, staring in disbelief.  "What the hell are you talking
about?!!"

I stared back.  "Look, man, stop being a part of the problem. Didn't they teach
you in cop school that you gotta treat your prisoners nice or cost the
department a lawsuit?"

His mind was definitely running in five directions at once now.  Of course, the
numerous obscenities now coming from the front seat didn't exactly help his
situation much.  As Hooper cranked it up a notch, you could almost hear the
cheesy '70s porno music start playing on the soundtrack.

"Uh, yeah, but what the hell's that got to do with this?" was all he could
manage. 

"Right now, I got a real problem with my treatment...or lack thereof."

"What the hell are you blabbering about?"

Just then Officer "I Ain't Dead Yet" Gilbert must've been just a little bit
distracted and we hit a pretty big pothole.  It sent me bouncing right up on my
seat and Mr. Chuckles got jostled around a bit.  He must've been really
anxious, 'cause he managed to slip right out my fly.  I tell 'ya, the little
guy has a mind of his own.

But his timing, as usual, was simply fucking superb.

I looked at Sergeant Asshole and tried my best to go into pain mode.  Probably
wasn't a terribly good act, seeing as I was laughing pretty hard inside, but it
was good enough. "Look, you got two blue fucking ferrets in the front seat
getting me all worked up AND you got these damned cuffs on so I can't take care
of it.  Now, I don't know how it is where you come from, but I call that police
brutality."

"GOD DAMN!!!"  Somewhere in the front seat, Gilbert must've been getting close
to heaven.

And while they had their fun, I was still arguing with Sergeant Asshole in the
back seat who just wasn't seeming to get my meaning.

"What the hell you want me to do about it?"

"Take these damned cuffs off."

"No can do, it's against regulations."

"Fuck the regulations, Sarge.  You're looking at one bad Rodney King for the
city if I don't get some relief here!"

"Sorry, I can't do it."

"Well, then, get Hooper back here to give me some of what Gilbert's getting."

"Sorry, it's too dangerous to stop the car."

"Geez, Sarge, I'm dyin' here!!!!"

"Oh, Damn, for a gangsta wannabe, you're a fucking pussy, you know that?" he
said with obvious irritation as he leaned over Mr. Chuckles.  "Anything to stop
your fucking whining!"

He even took off his hat. Let me tell you, I was honored. 

Now, I hate to stop the story just when it's getting good, but as you must've
figured by now, I'm the kinda guy who gets lots of sex.  Hell, since the time I
could get it up, I've had lots and lots of sex.  All kinds of sex.  More sex
than one man should be allowed to have. I've learned a few things in all those
years of all that sex.  

One of the biggest things I've learned is that when it comes to blow jobs,
hell, a mouth's a mouth.  But, then, you already know that, right?  And most
guys learn pretty quickly - quicker than the girls most of the time.  But,
then, you already know THAT too.  Ok, back to our story.

Ok, so Officer Asshole - well, OK, maybe I shouldn't call him that anymore
'cause he was really trying to help me feel better - is one of those quick
learners.  Who'd have guessed?  But like I said before, Mr. Chuckles doesn't
cough up in the mouth and hasn't for a looong time.  And we were getting near
the station house anyway.  I looked up to the rearview mirror because Hooper
and Gilbert were more quiet (or maybe Sarge was making so much noise back here
that I couldn't hear 'em) than I remember.  Man, what a sight.

My view wasn't the best, but Gilbert was rocking his head from side to side and
had this really fucking huge grin on his face.  It was one of those clowny
grins that looked like it was painted on if you know what I mean.  Hooper moved
in front of the mirror and was trying to apply her lipstick, but all the cum on
her face was getting in the way.  I thought it was kinda disgusting, really,
but some guys like that kind of thing, so I'm telling you about it anyway.

So I guess Ron Jeremy doesn't have to worry about losing his job to any of
these bozos after all...

Linda Lovelace on the other hand...






"Write what you want, how you want, and don't worry about the rest of the
world.  If you do it long enough, eventually they'll catch up."

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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