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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 368 - Sept 23, 2000
Date: Sun, 24 Sep 2000 16:10:09 -0400
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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Celestial Reviews 368 - Sept 23, 2000
Note: I have been getting a little behind in my reading. I know that's
an old pun, but I still enjoy saying it. I especially enjoy saying it
to people at work, who have no idea that I am referring to sex stories.
What I want to say here is that I have enjoyed my return to "active
duty." However, one thing that I have noticed is that there is a lot
more going on around the discussion group than there used to be. What
this means is that I cannot possibly respond to all of the postings on
a.s.s.d. - or even read all of them, for that matter. For example, I
have noticed that there is a Halloween Story Event, the Clitorides
Awards, activity in the Write Club, and lots of active discussions.
Some of these even refer to me from time to time. Heck, some of them
even denounce me from time to time.
My point is that I don't have time to read, respond to, or comment on
everything that is posted on the newsgroup. I DO read some of it, and
sometimes I do comment on topics in my Reviews. However, I would
appreciate it if you would not consider me to be rude if I don't join
in those discussions very often. I take pride in my Celestial Reviews,
and I just cannot do a good job if I spread myself too thin by trying
to do too much.
Second {historical} note: I commented above on the increased activity
on ASSD. I have been having an Al Gore Moment lately. Did you know that
I invented the custom of putting {ASSM} or {ASSD} in brackets at the
beginning of title lines? The original suggestion came from someone
else, who sent it to me when I asked in one of my columns what could be
done to control the spam. However, I promoted the idea; and then a lot
of active participants started following this custom. The idea was that
even without effective filters, a reader could find all the relevant
articles by scanning for the bracketed labels and ignoring the others.
In addition, it is difficult for spammers to insert the brackets, The
concept caught on slowly at first, but in the past few weeks I have
noticed that vast numbers of people follow this custom. Indeed, the
labeling process has improved far beyond what it was in its infancy.
Third note {The Blowjob Principle}: Occasionally good writers stop
writing stories for this newsgroup. If you rarely or never respond to
authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it
ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blowjob Principle.
The Blowjob Principle states that if a person expects to get a second
blow job, the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed
the first blowjob. Applied to these stories, the Blowjob Principle
means that if you like a story, you should take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to
improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the
author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery;
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction -
- for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.
HALLOWEEN NOTE: I have in past years posted a "Special Halloween
Issue." I plan to do this again this year, and I notice that there is a
Halloween Activity on a.s.s.d. In the past, some of the worst stories I
have ever read have been illiterate, juvenile nonsense masquerading as
Halloween sex stories. I am pretty sure I have both wasted my own time
and annoyed the authors by reviewing these stories indiscriminately. On
the other hand, there have been some great Halloween stories, and I
think my reviews have drawn attention to them.
Therefore, if anyone wants me to review their new or old Halloween
story, please let me know. I'll still repost last year's reviews {which
appeared in CR 344}, but I'll also make an attempt to review any new
stories called to my attention. I'll post my reviews in the October 28
issue of CR. Either you can post your stories before October 28, and
I'll review them as they appear; or you can send me an advance copy,
and then you can post them when the review is published.
THIS WEEK'S JOKE:
An exquisite painting, entitled "Home for Lunch," was on display in a
northeast Pennsylvania art gallery. It depicted three very naked and
very black men, sitting on a park bench. What is unusual is that the
men on both ends of the bench have black penises, but the man in the
middle has a clearly pink penis.
Two women were standing there, staring at the painting, scratching their
heads, trying to figure the painting out. The artist walked by and
noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well, yes" said one of the women. "We were curious about the picture of
the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink
penis?"
"Oh," said the artist." I'm afraid you've misinterpreted the painting.
The three men are not African-Americans. They're Pennsylvania coal miners,
and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch."
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Nadia's Wanton Weekend" by Paris Waterman (orgy) 8, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=623723200
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=623723260
"Math Camp" by JVB (sex at summer camp) 9, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=610743253
"Telemarketing" by Maria Gonzales (maria1971@aol.com) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MariaGonzales/www/telemarketing.html
"He Was 17" by BlueLady (passionate poem) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666395575
"A Simple Kiss Good-bye " by Sasha Lorring (romantic passion) 10, 9.5,
9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=588260125
"Chip Malone" by EZ Riter (redneck romance humor) 10, 9.5, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=648461230
"Not So Proud" by Jennifer Doalfer (old friends become lovers) 8, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=608799169
"In the Moment" by Wiseguy (sexy weekend) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=636762809
"Coco The Gorilla" by Jenny Wanshel (anthropological sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Jenny_Wanshel/www/coco.txt
"The Anti-Climax" by Lane Boyd (prostitute humor) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=670084461
"Stealing Stephanie" by Jacobin (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=667524297
"The Key" by Felix Phile (first time teen sex) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=669791763
"Last Time" by Dreamfire (romantic mind control) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=670472456
"Embers" by Emerson Laken-Palmer
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=654765114
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served ..." by Delta (sex and revenge) 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=670560080
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "A Night at Indian's Hollow" by Shon Richards (unusual sex rituals) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=540960735
* "Erotica 101" by Janey Urquhart (marital instruction) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=670354707
* "Ellen" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (emerging sexuality). BillyG: 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Eli.The.Bearded/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year1998/8920.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Eli.The.Bearded/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year1998/8921.txt
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Adrian" by Serath Rune (sexual tenderness). BillyG: 9, 10, 9
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Nadia's Wanton Weekend" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=623723200
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=623723260
This is what is known as a stroke story. That is, its main purpose is
to give the reader a hard or moist feeling in the cock or pussy. This
story achieves that purpose admirably. So admirably, in fact, that I
made four typing mistakes in the previous sentence. Maybe if I type
with just one hand it would be easier. Slower, but easier. And more
pleasant.
The main "flaw" in this story is that there really isn't much plot.
It's as if the author had no real intention other than to write things
that would titillate the reader and possibly stimulate shifts in
hormones and blood flow within the reader's anatomy. Imagine that.
In chapter one, the two girls are talking about sex. They get turned
on, and so they pull off to the side of the road and masturbate -
separately but simultaneously. I guess that's just one of those safety
tips you get in those Shell pamphlets that I never read. It's also a
sexy beginning to a sexy story. Three more chapters to go, but who's
counting?
I'm not sure a guy can really maintain an erection as long <wink> as
John does; but the sex certainly is, well, sexy. Eventually, the author
introduces HIMSELF as a character; and in that role he teaches Nadia
how to give the perfect blowjob. Although the author's rendition of
perfection differs from my own, this information may be instructive to
some readers. Others may want to set this part of the story on the
coffee table, where visitors and suitors can read it at their
convenience.
However, as the author got further along into the hot sex, the grammar
deteriorated; and this was distracting. I don't think faulty expression
was the only problem. Of the four chapters. I think chapter three was a
lot less coherent and less sexy than the others. This lack of
continuity - plus the overall lack of any plot other than sex - served
to cool off the fourth chapter. Still, my relatively high ratings in
spite of these problems should tell you that I think this story has a
lot to offer.
Before I end this review, I feel a need to express my standard
admonition about anal sex. It can give great pleasure to both partners;
but (1) use a lubricant and (2) don't switch an organ or digit directly
from one orifice to the other. That's because (1) the asshole doesn't
lubricate automatically, as does the pussy, and (2) germs from one
orifice can cause infections in the other. Also, (3) don't do it unless
the recipient wants it. Sometimes a finger or two can be just as
pleasurable for the recipient, and this more gentle approach can lead
to a greater spirit of adventure in the future. Finally, (4) the male
partner's asshole can respond as favorably to anal penetration as does
the female's.
Ratings for "Nadia's Wanton Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Math Camp" by JVB (jvb3000@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=610743253
The narrator is a child prodigy - a fifteen-year-old math genius who is
perceived as a nerd by the boys he must hang around with. Kids his own
age mistreat him as a geek; older kids treat him as if he doesn't
exist. He goes to a summer camp to study math - presumably because his
parents want him to be a grown-up genius a little faster than would
otherwise be the case. Fortunately, one of the female camp counselors
is a former child prodigy herself; and they spend time together
discussing theorems, solving equations, and eventually copulating.
This is a good story, but it could become better. What it has is a good
insight into the mind of a misunderstood adolescent. What it lacks is
the intensity of emotion that I think the author intended to impart.
>From a grammar and style perspective, there are not many outright
errors -just an unnecessary stiffness of style that interferes with the
spontaneity that the author intended to convey. For example,
<<Math Camp was supposed to be different; there, I would be respected
and revered for my ability to solve first-order differential equations
at age 15.>>
Why the semicolon? The semicolon does nothing more than turn a simple
sentence into a compound sentence. I would have preferred a period and
a new sentence. This is a minor thing, but minor things build up and
interfere with the story. I think simply re-reading and revising the
story a week after writing it might have enabled the author to convey
the emotions that he wanted to express. The FACTS are OK. It's the
relationship among the facts and the feelings that are associated with
these facts that could be improved. Adjustments in grammar and style
would help, but so would a more careful attention to and selection of
details.
The author writes like a really smart teenager. That can't be the case,
of course, because teenagers don't come to this newsgroup. My advice to
this author is to read stories "Blind Date," "Ricksha Boy," and
"Catalyst," which received straight tens from me in CR 367, and to try
to figure out how those authors succeeded a little better at almost the
same thing this story was trying to do.
A final note. Really smart kids get a bum rap. There are, as this story
suggests, lots of smart kids who are socially maladjusted misfits.
However, child development research consistently demonstrates that ON
THE AVERAGE, people who are smart are also good at athletic skills,
leadership skills, and social skills, including those that are usually
the topic of this newsgroup. We tend to notice the dumb football stars
and the ditzy sex kittens; but in truth these are the exceptions. A
person who is really fun to have sex with is also likely to be really
fun to talk to. The reason I know this is that my husband says he is
married to such a person.
Ratings for "Math Camp"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Telemarketing" by Maria Gonzales (maria1971@aol.com).
I have something to confess. Whenever the author of this story referred
to Melissa or Rebecca wearing cutoffs, I misread the word as handcuffs.
Boy! Freud would have my ass for that one!
Other than that, I think I understood this story pretty well.
I often feel sorry for telemarketers, but not sorry enough for me to
learn to like them. I mean, don't those people know that when other
people are fortunate enough to have both kids safely out of the house
and to be in the throes of passion, the last thing they want to do is
talk about aluminum siding or changing to a new long distance provider?
But I guess they have to make a living, and jobs are hard to find for
people who have no souls.
Anyway, the heroine of this story is a telemarketer who has to get one
more customer to say yes in order to make her quota. Two things make
the story funny - the way our heroine and the customer hit it off and
the way the author interjects herself into the story. This interjected
commentary has been done before - M1ke Hunt was a genius at it; but
this is some of the best erotic humor I have seen in quite a while.
Well, except for that story about the Zulu Ricksha boys I reviewed in
the last issue.
Let me give you some advice about dealing with telemarketers. Don't
follow your natural urge to blow a loud whistle in their ear. My
husband has a very stupid relative who decided to have some fun with a
phone solicitor. The relative spoke really quietly, so that the woman
would have to put her ear up against the phone to hear him. Then he put
a whistle to his mouth and blew a loud, harsh "squeeeeeeel!" into the
phone. Then he yelled, "Leave me alone, you stupid bitch!" and slammed
down the phone. He smirked and told his friends, "That'll teach her."
Indeed it did. At 3:00 a.m. the next morning the phone rang. He picked
it up and heard nothing but "Squeeeeeeel!" His opponent learned so
effectively that she would lull him into a false sense of security -
even initiate phone sex with him - and then blow the whistle on him.
This was in the days before caller ID, and the poor bastard got to
where he was afraid to answer the phone. The solution arrived at by
mutual consent in the present story was much more gracious.
Ratings for "Telemarketing"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"He Was 17" by BlueLady16 (bluelady16@aol.com).
I don't recommend sexy older women fucking their sons' best friends,
but I do acknowledge the erotic value of the fantasy.
As this poem shows, sometimes poetry can convey the impact of a wet
dream quite nicely.
High school boys traditionally hate poetry. My recommendation to any
English teachers out there is to drop on the floor of their classroom
the URL of this poem. Then announce to your class that you lost a piece
of paper containing the URL of a filthy poem. Then vehemently emphasize
that your students are forbidden to read this poem. This will cause the
even the most recalcitrant boys in your class to love at least one
poem.
Ratings for "He Was 17"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Simple Kiss Good-bye " by Sasha Lorring (hotsasha1@hotmail.com).
Two people kiss good-bye before one of them goes away for a long time.
It should be a simple matter, but it's hard <wink>. I couldn't resist
the pun, but the pun is a disservice to the story, which expresses
intense sentiment, pure and simple.
Ratings for "A Simple Kiss Good-bye "
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Chip Malone" by EZ Riter (ezriter@pdq.net).
Chip is a good ole boy who lives with his father and works as a
mechanic in the family garage. His dad has Cindy Lou move in with him,
and she brings along her daughters. Not only does Cindy Lou have
magnificent tits, she also teaches Chip how to keep a good ole gal in
line. So Dad humps Cindy Lou, while Chip humps the older daughter. Then
Dad dies in an auto race, and Chip inherits the garage and Cindy Lou.
But heck, I could ruin this story if I tell you all the details.
This was neither the sexiest nor most romantic story I have read
recently, but it was pretty funny. Not quite in the class with Coco the
Gorilla, mind you, but still pretty funny. I enjoyed it; and if you get
turned on by the thought of a guy spanking a redneck gal's pretty
little ass, you may like it even more than I did.
Ratings for "Chip Malone"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Not So Proud" by Jennifer Doalfer (doalfer@hotmail.com).
The author suggests that we read all the stories related to this one in
their proper order. I haven't done that. I thought you should know.
Basically, Jenny and her family go to the beach with Greg and his
family. Greg and Jenny had an all-but-sexual relationship a long time
ago, and she has often wondered what it would have been like to have
gone all the way with him. It turns out that he's still wonderfully
handsome, and she discovers he has had the same prurient thoughts about
her. So while everyone else is busy, they consummate their long
unfulfilled relationship.
Many other authors would simply present this as hot sex. This author,
however, assumes that her protagonist has a conscience. That is, she
thinks that maybe she shouldn't run the risk of ruining a good
relationship with her husband. Sometimes the insertion of the moral
dilemma makes the sex hotter, but that wasn't the case this time - at
least not for me. There's some irony here, because in real life I favor
conscience and monogamy. I like stories that are realistic, and the
conscience factor is realistic. I think the proble m is that the author
goes halfway: the protagonist brings up the idea of conscience and
fidelity, but the author doesn't really follow up on it effectively. Or
maybe the problem is that the author is being a little TOO
autobiographical, trying to retain too many exact details at the
expense of plot development. After reading a lot of hot sex, I would
expect to feel sexy, but in this case I felt sad.
Having said what I said in the preceding paragraph, I should add that
the "flaw" is not cataclysmic. This is still a pretty good story with
high ratings. Maybe if I had read all the other stories in the series I
would see things differently. Maybe if I were reading the whole series
as a case study, I would find this to be a fascinating personal
history. But I was looking for a self-contained sex story, and this one
just slightly missed the mark.
Ratings for "Not So Proud"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"In the Moment" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com).
Possibly the one thing that I am most grateful for in my life is that
neither my husband nor my children have any destructive addictions. It
would be extremely hard to be in love with someone who was engaging in
destructive behavior. I have KNOWN many, many people who have been in
love with a person with an addiction. My advice has always been to let
the person go -- to refrain from being a contributor to the problem.
Unless the person is seriously willing to take the extreme steps that
are necessary to overcome the problem, it just won't work. They will
just fail, and then they will blame you for your part in the failure,
and you will blame yourself for your own failure. Especially if you are
at a point where a relationship has not been solidified, just cut it
off. Never marry a person or escalate a relationship on the speculation
that your presence can solve that person's addiction.
This advice sounds harsh, even cruel; but it is honest. I am not aware
of any occasion on which this advice has been inaccurate. But I am
really, really glad that haven't had to face this problem myself.
I mentioned the above because that's the set-up for this story. Brad
has broken up with Kim, because she's hung up on cocaine. He leaves her
and goes to stay with his cousin Lori, who promptly invites him to
spend the weekend with her and three attractive female friends at a
beautiful retreat on the Outer Banks. Of course, one of the four
beautiful women with whom Brad finds himself playing Truth or Dare on
the first night of the weekend is an incipient professional hypnotist.
So we have four potential themes: (1) breaking up is hard to do, (2)
sexy adoptive cousins make wonderful lovers, (3) fiveways can be good
and can be subdivided into otherways, and (4) mind control.
I'm not going to tell you how this ends. I'll just add one sentence
from later on to get your mind working: " Something about an outdoor
shower brings out the closet exhibitionist in people."
This can be regarded as a really high-quality stroke story. That is, I
was pretty much turned on all the while I read it; but there was also a
reasonably strong (albeit far-fetched) plot to hold things together.
Indeed, the title refers to the notion that it is important to "live in
the moment," which is good advice even if you are not able to share
that moment with one of four sexy women spending the weekend with you.
Ratings for "In the Moment"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Coco The Gorilla" by Jenny Wanshel (chilly2@biosys.net).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Jenny_Wanshel/www/coco.txt
This story describes human sexual activity through the eyes of Coco, a
highly intelligent Gorilla, who is no relation to "Koko" (with a K),
who lives and works at a rival lab.
This is an ingenious plot for a humorous essay/story. Think about it.
Gorillas copulate because they are in heat. They have various mating
rituals. So Coco uses what she knows about copulation and mating
rituals to predict and analyze Karla's actions as she flirts with the
males working with her near the gorilla's cage. It becomes apparent
that Coco has learned human body language as well as some American Sign
Language.
In this particular instance, Coco gets to witness the whole mating
ritual. Watching the humans mate, Coco doesn't feel the least bit of
excitement herself, except for intellectual excitement, of course. Coco
had already known that human females were the most oversexed sluts of
the whole primate family -- you could smell it on them. What Coco had
not previously suspected was that human males were the most oversexed,
big-dicked males of the entire primate family.
Like other really good humor, this story is not only funny, but it is
also likely to help readers think about themselves in a slightly
different way. I really enjoyed this little story!
Ratings for "Coco The Gorilla"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Anti-Climax" by Lane Boyd (laneboyd@newsguy.com)
This story consists of a prostitute describing some of her work
experiences. One of her johns is having some trouble doing the act; and
we get to listen in on some of her recollections while she goes about
solving the problem. It's really difficult to summarize humorous off-
the-wall stories like this one. Just let me say that it really was
pretty good. If you're looking for something to laugh about, this one
may tickle your fancy.
Ratings for "The Anti-Climax"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Stealing Stephanie" by Jacobin (jacobin2k@hotmail.com).
Near the end of the story, Paul (the protagonist) says to Stephanie,
"Now lay down." That was a mistake. He should have said, "Now LIE
down." But that's about the only mistake in this story - except for the
odd comma where there should be a semicolon, of course.
Stephanie has a boyfriend who screws her for his own gratification -
humping for maybe fifteen minutes before he cums and rolls over. Paul
is a coworker who has loved Stephanie from afar. Finally, he gets a
chance to love her from up close. Paul's basic assumption is that if he
gives her two hours of exquisite foreplay she might like him better
than the asshole she has been hanging around with.
Now, some of the stories on this newsgroup are based on a logic that I
don't understand. For example, I reviewed one recently where the guy
loved and cared for his wife, but what really bothered him was that his
wife never wanted to make love to any other men. So he arranged for her
some other stud to fuck while he watched and the stud humiliated him.
Stories like that confuse me. This one makes sense. I can at least
vaguely understand the motivation behind a guy thinking that a woman
would like him if he gave her nothing but pleasure for a couple of
hours - even if the guy doesn't have the good sense to use a riding
crop or handcuffs.
If you're into sex as a tool for romantic seduction, you'll like this
story.
Ratings for "Stealing Stephanie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Key" by Felix Phile (felixphile@hotmail.com).
Some teenage boys are playing football on an autumn day, while two
girls watch. Occasionally the girls snatch the ball, and the boys get
in some illegal use of hands while recovering it. Afterwards, our
narrator goes home and relives the events in his head - or more
probably in his hands. At any rate, he looks forward to more football
the next weekend. But when he arrives for some football fun, his friend
isn't home; so he frolics with his friend's sister in bed instead.
The author tells the tale in a simple, straightforward style. It made
me feel young again.
Ratings for "The Key"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Last Time" by Dreamfire (ddamanita@hotmail.com).
Kim is going to California to take advantage of her Big Break. She will
become a movie star. Shawn is staying behind, because he has
seismophobia, which I assume is the correct word for fear of
earthquakes. Therefore, even though they are deeply in love, they have
to break up.
Soon we discover that Shawn possesses a special power to put Kim into a
sort of hypnotic trance or fugue in her sleep. It's an interesting
twist on the mind-control theme. Shawn loves Kim so much that he is
going to stop controlling her mind - after this one last time.
Ratings for "Last Time"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Embers" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (HENKRU@email.msn.com).
My husband dislikes soccer (European football) because too many of the
games end in low-scoring ties. "It's like kissing your sister," he
says. That metaphor would be lost on Danny and Ellen in this story.
Having hit upon hard times in their married lives, Danny and Ellen find
themselves together with their mother at a picnic. Many years ago {as
told in "Ellen," which was reviewed in CR 220. I'll repost that
review.} they stumbled into discovering the joys of sex with each other
when he was seventeen and she was fifteen. Alas. Temptation rears its
less-than-ugly head again in the present story.
This is not a simple hump-your-sister story. The author handles the
tension very nicely. As they go from the picnic to a dinner to a fine
hotel room, Danny keeps trying to find out if Ellen remembers "what
they did together as kids"; but she persists in innocently recalling
the great non-sexual fun they used to have together. Danny keeps
getting hotter and hotter for her, and he knows they love each other;
but he's not really sure what she means by that love.
This is an extremely well-written, sexy story. Unless you are
completely turned off to the notion of an adult male and adult female
who are siblings making love to each other, you might want to take a
look at this story.
Lecture time: Dessert is spelled with a "double s." That's easy to
remember, because you always want two helpings of dessert.
Ratings for "Embers"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served ..." by Delta
Shortly after Alan meets his client in a strip bar, he discovers that
his ex-lover Wendy is the next dancer to take the stage. They had split
under bitter circumstances, and he realizes that a good chance to get
even has just fallen into his lap. Her friends don't know she does this
kind of work. She seems to be taking obvious delight in her seductive
dancing, but that could all end very quickly.
This is an excellent story that plays upon some interesting emotions. I
strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Last Time"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Adrian" by Serath Rune (serathrune@my-deja.com).
Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com)
At first blush I thought "Adrian" was about BDSM, or at least about
erotic power exchange -- the dominance and submissive part of it. That
was not the case. Not even close. The man, Adrian, is wrapped in
mystery and that is given further edge by the statement that "Adrian
dominates people, sexually, for money." But as the story unfolds, it's
more about tenderness and compassion than dominance and submission.
That, as it turns out, has far more appeal than the edge of BDSM.
Jillian -- Jilly -- is a 32-year-old widower who hasn't dated since her
husband died, and her friend Alice hires Adrian to service her.
Jilly's appalled and tries to back out but Adrian gently changes her
mind. The almost- straightforward plot takes a surprising turn when he
discovers that she's a hypnotist and convinces her to put him under.
The tables are turned and Jilly suddenly is the "top." She's in erotic
control and brings him off in a very erotic scene. There's more
certainly and I recommend it to you as a very good read.
Ratings for "Adrian"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "A Night at Indian's Hollow" by Shon Richards (lordshon@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=540960735
Often it's best that I not tell you specific details from a story. But
in this case I can tell you exactly what happens, because after I do
so, you still won't know what happened.
So here's the deal. The narrator has just turned 21, and so he is
eligible for the town's Halloween lottery for the first time. And he
wins - that is, he gets to be Fertility Wolf while the Lesser Gods make
their rounds on Halloween. Of course, this pairs him up with the Moon
Harlot; but, as you know, that doesn't mean that he's allowed into her
pants or anything like that.
At the first several houses they visit, the residents choose the bane,
but eventually one chooses the blessing, and so the narrator is allowed
to extend his blessing to the lady of the house.
I hope this all makes sense to you. It was a very nice story.
Ratings for "A Night at Indian's Hollow"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Erotica 101" by Janey Urquhart.
{Janey should post this story!}
The woman who narrates this story is being wooed by her husband, who is
getting his ideas from Janey's a.s.s. stories. You can tell he's
reading her actual stories, not just reading my reviews, because he
works over her ankle and they drink copious red wine, neither of which
have even been mentioned in my reviews.
The woman starts out pretty naive, but through Janey's mediation she
loosens up considerably.
This story is unlike Janey's usual work, but so are all of Janey's
stories.
This one is well worth reading.
Ratings for "Erotica 101"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Ellen" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (Reposted by who@why.not). Guest
review by BillyG.
I had a brief love affair once. The operative word is brief. We were
both too strong willed and selfish to last, at least with each other.
Her desires were bistable; she either wanted to get laid or she didn't.
There was no middle ground. I'd get amorous and make a move. She'd
most likely rebuff me with a comment such as, "You men are all alike.
Is that all you think about?"
And the answer was yes. That's all I thought about, besides how I
might strangle her and then drop her into the bottomless swamp. Then
something would throw the horny switch and she'd make a move on me. I
NEVER resisted. Not once did I have a headache. I resented the fact
that she could and often did say, "Nothin' doin' dude," while my
response was always some variation of, "Sure, sure, you bet."
The story "Ellen" by Emerson Laken-Palmer depicts a similar nineteen-
year-old boy, Danny who experiences a sexual awakening with his kid
sister, eighteen-year-old Ellen. When Danny wants it, the chances are
good that Ellen will freeze him out. But when she wants it, Danny
doesn't have a chance. I know what that's like; I've been there.
"Ellen" is a good story. The characters are human and more, they're
real. They're both buffeted about by their desires and later, by their
guilt. Danny's first person account tells of his intermittent resolve
to NOT be sexual with his kid sister. She's sweet and innocent (he
would rather believe) and he thinks of himself as single-minded ogre.
There are a couple of very sexy scenes and a couple of pregnancy
scares, all of which lend a heightened reality to this story. It's
told as a short chapter in their lives, soon over and never to be
repeated.
The writer's name, Emerson Laken-Palmer sounds like a musical trio. It
reminds me of mishearing the name of a popular duo some years ago. For
a long time I thought the group was called "Haulin' Oats."
Grades: 9.5, 10, 10 A half point off for a few spelling errors and a
couple of minor grammatical goofs.
==============================
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: COMMAS
==============================
A comma tells the reader to pause within a sentence. Don't overuse
commas. But don't underuse them either. In general, if the sentence is
confusing because the reader may run words together, you should add a
comma. Both of the commas in my previous sentence were necessary for
this reason. Many writers would add a comma in the previous sentence to
make it "necessary, for this reason"; but that would be a mistake. "For
this reason" is closely related to the rest of the sentence.
The best way to deal with commas is to (1) read each sentence to
yourself, (2) check and see whether additional commas would make the
sentence easier to read, and (3) eliminate commas that make things drag
needlessly. (Omitting the commas in my preceding sentence would make it
hard to figure out what I was trying to say.)
The preceding paragraphs described the application of common sense to
commas, and common sense works pretty well. However, I'll try to
systematize common sense by supplying some rules for commas. I find it
easiest to think of three different sets of rules for commas.
PAIRS OF COMMAS set off words or ideas in the middle of a sentence. If
the pair comes at the beginning or end of the sentence, then one of the
commas is omitted. If the pair comes immediately before a colon or
semicolon, the final comma is omitted. Rules 1 - 6 below are really
examples of pairs of commas.
SINGLE COMMAS are used to show that something is missing or to force a
pause in the sentence. Rules 7 - 10 below are examples of the use of
single commas.
Finally, the COMMA WITH THE COORDINATING CONJUNCTION can be used
(instead of a simple colon) to join two sentences together. Rule 11 is
the application of this principle.
Here are twelve even more specific rules. I'll give the rules first and
then discuss them briefly afterwards:
1. Use commas to set off nonrestrictive words and phrases. These rules
are explained in detail after this list of rules.
2. Use commas to set off absolute phrases.
3. Use commas to set off introductory or concluding phrases and clauses.
4. Use commas to set off words or phrases that express contrast with
the preceding words or phrases.
5. Use commas to set off parenthetical expressions.
6. Use commas to set off words of direct address.
7. Use commas to separate items in a series.
8. Use commas to introduce quotations.
9. Use commas according to custom with dates, numbers, addresses, and
place names.
10. Use commas to preventing the misreading of information that might
occur if words are run together.
11. Use a comma followed by a coordinating conjunction to join together
two independent clauses to make a single sentence.
12. Avoid the overuse of commas. Specifically, avoid using them in the
following situations:
a. To set off restrictive phrases and clauses.
b. To set off indirect questions.
c. To join words or phrases in compound phrases.
d. To separate a subject from its verb.
e. To precede or follow the items in a series.
Clarification of rule 1:
A RESTRICTIVE PHRASE OR CLAUSE is one that is so essential to the
meaning of the sentence (or clause) that it cannot be omitted without
substantially changing the meaning of the word (or phrase) it modifies.
Restrictive phrases and clauses are NOT set off by commas. In general,
when we say these phrases and clauses orally, we do not pause or
radically change intonation when we speak them.
On the other hand, NON-RESTRICTIVE PHRASES OR CLAUSES are not
considered by the writer to be essential to the meaning of the sentence
-- they just add additional information. When we say these phrases and
clauses orally, we DO pause or radically change intonation when we
speak them. Non-restrictive information IS set off by commas.
For example, consider the following sentence:
"My girlfriend who likes oral sex was with me at the movie."
If the writer punctuates the sentence in this way, he is suggesting
that the information conveyed by "who likes oral sex" is essential.
{That is, the information is restrictive.} The most likely explanation
for writing it this way is that he has more than one girlfriend, and
the one with him at the movie was the one who likes oral sex. The same
words would have a different meaning if they were punctuated like this:
"My girlfriend, who likes oral sex, was with me at the movie."
This would mean that he has one girl girlfriend (who likes oral sex and
was with him at the movie). By putting the words "who likes oral sex"
within commas, the author is saying that they are non-restrictive --
that is, they don't change the meaning of the sentence; they just add
some additional information.
{Here's why grammarians use the word restrictive to describe this use
of commas. In the first example, the guy has many girlfriends, and "who
likes oral sex" *restricts* the reference to a subset -- in this case
to just one of them. In the second example, the guy has only one
girlfriend, and so "who likes oral sex" *does not restrict* the
reference to a subset.}
I once read the following comment in the disclaimer at the beginning of
a story:
"This is my first story, written from a woman's point of view."
I think the author should have omitted the comma. Without the comma,
the sentence would suggest that the author had written other stories,
but none of these was written from a woman's point of view. With the
comma, it means that this is the first story he ever wrote (or
published), and this first story is written from a woman's point of
view.
Technically, the same logic should be applied even to single words:
"The woman enjoyed having sex with her dog Ralph."
Without a comma between "dog" and "Ralph," this sentence technically
suggests that the woman had more than one dog, but her enjoyment was
restricted to Ralph. However, lots of good writers ignore this nuance -
- especially if the number of dogs would be clear from the context or
if nobody would care anyway. Another good reason to omit the comma with
a non-restrictive word or phrase occurs when the comma would add
(rather than remove) confusion. For example,
"In one evening Sharon had sex with Sue, her dog, Ralph, the night
watchman, Bill, and Ray, her ex-husband."
In this example, it's not obvious whether Ralph is the dog, the night
watchman, or a separate person. It would be more obvious that Sharon
had fucked only four animate beings if the sentence were punctuated
like this:
"In one evening Sharon had sex with Sue, her dog Ralph, the night
watchman Bill, and Ray, her ex-husband."
Of course, a better solution would be for Sharon to become celibate --
or at least monogamous.
Words and phrases "in apposition" are often non-restrictive modifiers.
Thus,
To increase his pleasure, she tried rimming him, a technique that
refers to stimulating the anus by running the fingers around the area
that immediately surrounds the rectum.
Clarification of rule 2:
An absolute phrase is a participial phrase that modifies a whole
sentence, rather than just a word or phrase in that sentence. Absolute
phrases occur at either the beginning or end of a sentence (or clause)
and should be set off by commas. {Note that in many cases the second
comma of the pair is omitted, because it occurs at the beginning or end
of the sentence.}
The terms of the orgy having been set, Pamela returned to her essay on
"The Meaning of Nothingness."
Neither of them having been laid in over a week, Caitlyn was as glad to
see Ralph as he was to see her.
Our homework completed, we stripped off our clothes and fucked like
bunnies, our moans filling the night until her parents came home,
wondering why the dog was howling forlornly in the side yard.
{"Our homework done" is an absolute phrase. So is "our moans filling
the air...." "Wondering why..." is a nonrestrictive phrase modifying
"parents." Sometimes a combination like this of absolute phrases and
ordinary modifiers works, sometimes it does not. The key is to keep
modifiers as close as possible to what they modify.}
I used to admire the curve of her butt and hips when she was writing on
the chalkboard, her full breasts jutting out from underneath her blouse
when she was speaking to the class.
Clarification of rule 3:
Examples of introductory and concluding phrases and clauses include
participial phrases, subordinate clauses, prepositional phrases, and
transitional words that modify or connect entire clauses {Of course,
therefore, etc.}. If the phrase or clause is extremely short, the comma
can be omitted, as long as no confusion results from this omission.
After she had sucked my cock in the most delightful manner, I rolled
her back on the bed and filled her with afternoon delight.
As soon as we finished our orgasms, I zipped my pants back up.
So that we wouldn't look suspicious if her parents came home
unexpectedly, I zipped my pants back up.
The phrase or clause set off by commas can also occur at the end of the
sentence.
I zipped my pants back up, as soon as we finished our orgasms. {The
author could omit this comma, if he wanted to show the intimate
connection between the two activities.}
As soon as we finished our orgasms, I zipped my pants back up, so that
we wouldn't look suspicious if her parents came home unexpectedly.
Clarification of rule 4:
Sometimes a writer wants to set words off in order to give them special
focus by contrasting them with what comes immediately before those
words. Although it is possible to do this in other ways (as by a pair
of dashes or parentheses), a pair of commas can accomplish this task.
{Note that in many cases the second comma of the pair is omitted,
because it occurs at the beginning or end of the sentence.}
Really sexy women can be found in churches, not bars.
It is not a vacation he needs, but a good lay.
It was during my sophomore, not junior, year that I participated in my
first orgy.
I think most men resist homosexual activity because they have learned
that it is shameful, not for any genetic or biological reason.
If Carl were going to engage in a threesome, it would consist of
himself and two women, not another man and a woman.
Since this final example already contains another comma, it might be
better to use a pair of dashes to introduce the contrast. Otherwise, a
reader might initially think the comma is part of a pair of commas
surrounding the words in the middle of the sentence:
If Carl were going to engage in a threesome, it would consist of
himself and two women -- not another man and a woman.
Clarification of rule 5:
A parenthetical expression is one that gives explanatory,
supplementary, or transitional information that interrupts the natural
sentence structure. Parenthetical expressions should be set off by a
pair of commas. {Note that in many cases the second comma of the pair
is omitted, because it occurs at the beginning or end of the sentence.}
My sister, according to people who should know, is one hot piece of ass.
If you get a blow job and would like to get another, I've been told,
then you should make the person very happy that she gave you that first
blow job.
My intention, in addition to getting my homework completed, was to lay
the groundwork for a future relationship, should Maryanne ever break up
with Phil. {The first two commas surround a parenthetical expression.
The last sets off an "concluding comment."}
Clarification of rule 6:
Direct address refers to words inserted to call a person's attention to
what is being said. These are set off by a pair of commas. {Note that
in many cases the second comma of the pair is omitted, because it
occurs at the beginning or end of the sentence.}
Our fate, dear Brutus, is that we can't get into Cleopatra's pants.
Maria, take off your clothes and come here, please.
Clarification of rule 7:
Put commas between all the elements of a series. {A "series" means
three or more items. If you use "and" between all the items in a
series, then skip the comma.}
The names Caitlyn, Allison, and Annabelle evoked greater lust in his
heart than Mary, Jane, and Jill.
She stood five foot two inches tall, weighed about 120 pounds, had
beautiful blue eyes, displayed a "come fuck me" glint in her eyes, and
was naked below the waist.
He was memorable for his intelligence, for his sense of humor, and for
the speed with which he could remove all his clothing once an
invitation had been extended.
Clarification of rule 6:
Convention requires that commas be used to set items apart with commas
in certain cases:
He had sex for the last time on December 7, 1942.
They lived in Austin, Texas, for six years.
According to the survey, the 4,120 members who have ever belonged to my
sorority have had sex aver 12,300,000 times.
Clarification of rule 7:
A direct quotation consisting of one sentence is usually introduced by
a comma:
She shouted, "I'm going to come!"
He replied, "AAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHH!"
She smiled and said, "I'd like you to stop by for coffee and sex some
time."
If the direct quotation comes first and would normally end with a
period, then the period is replaced by a comma.
"I'd like you to stop by for coffee and sex some time," she said.
If the direct quotation comes first and ends with some other form of
punctuation, then the comma is omitted.
"I'm going to come!" she shouted.
If the direct quotation is longer than one sentence, it is usually
introduced by a colon instead of a comma. However, many writers ignore
this rule and use the comma with impunity for all direct quotations.
Clarification of rule 8:
Sometimes words would naturally run together, and this might cause
confusion. It is possible to use a comma to prevent this confusion.
Soon after he fucked her one last time for good measure. {Confusing. A
reader is likely to read "Soon after he fucked her" as an introductory
clause. Only after the reader gets confused is he likely to go back and
realize that "Soon after" is a short introductory phrase.}
Soon after, he fucked her one last time for good measure. {Clear}
Oh, I forgot to tell you that I'm pregnant.
You can't get pregnant from just one quickie, can you?
Clarification of rule 9:
Coordinating conjunctions include and, or, and but, plus for, yet, and
so when these latter words are used to introduce am main clause.
I played with her clit for about ten minutes, and then she begged me to
enter her.
She looked forward to her cousin's arrival, for she knew he was as
starved for sex as she was herself.
She remembered what she had seen at the Christmas party, so she asked
him in for a nightcap.
When the main clauses in the sentence are complex or contain internal
punctuation, then it is best to use a semicolon instead of a comma.
I played with her clit for about ten minutes, starting at the front and
moving toward the back with my fingers and then repeating this process
with my tongue; and then she begged me to enter her.
Note that if the coordinating conjunction is omitted, then it is
necessary to use a semicolon rather than a comma to join the sentences.
{Of course, it would also be possible to turn the clauses into
independent sentences or to restructure them in some other way.}
I played with her clit for about ten minutes; then she begged me to
enter her.
I played with her clit for about ten minutes. Then she begged me to
enter her. After I played with her clit for about ten minutes, she
begged me to enter her.
Clarification of rule 10:
Specifically, don't use commas for any of the following purposes:
(a) To set off restrictive phrases and clauses.
The boy, with whom she had first made love as a teenager, finally swept
her off her feet, and they lived happily every after. {The first two
commas are unnecessary.}
(b) To set off indirect questions.
She shouted, that she was going to come. {Skip the comma.}
(c) To join words or phrases in compound phrases.
She shouted, and moved her hips excitedly, as she started to come. {No
comma after shouted. The comma after excitedly is correct, because the
rest of the sentence is a "concluding clause."
(d) To separate a subject from its verb.
The exhausted woman, wanted to take a break before she took on the next
set of five suitors. {Skip the comma.}
(e) To precede or follow the items in a series.
It is correct to put commas between all the elements of a series. But
do not put additional commas before the beginning of the series or
after the conclusion of the series, unless there is a reason for the
additional comma.
Then she squirmed out of my grasp, and started to shimmy out of the
skirt. {There's no need for the comma.}
Realizing I still haven't finished yet, I took off my shoes and socks,
and stripped off my pants. {There's no need for the final comma.}
Janey, her sister, and her mother, were all excited by my proposition.
{There is no reason for the comma after "mother."}
Janey, her sister, and her mother, who had removed her clothes even
before she got through the door, were all excited by my proposition. {
There is a reason for the comma after "mother." The extra pair of
commas sets off the non-restrictive "who" clause, which modifies
"mother."}
I made love to Tom, Dick, and Harry, although probably not in that
order. {Correct. There's a good reason for the comma after "Harry" -
although it could be replaced by a dash to minimize confusion.}
I made love to Tom, Dick, and Harry, one right after another. {Correct.
There's a good reason for the comma after "Harry" - although it could
be replaced by a dash to minimize confusion.}
(f) To set off a gerund from the rest of the sentence.
Gerunds often look like participles, which are often set off from the
sentence by a pair of commas. However, gerunds are usually an integral
part of the sentence, and they do not call for commas.
Fucking my girlfriend in the great outdoors, makes me feel like the
king of the world. {Incorrect. No comma is needed after the gerund
phrase.}
Fucking my girlfriend in the great outdoors makes me feel like the king
of the world. {Correct.}
Fucking my girlfriend in the great outdoors, I felt like the king of
the world. {Correct. "Fucking" is a participle, modifying "I."}
(g) Do not use a comma after a coordinating conjunction.
I played with her clit for about ten minutes and, then she begged me to
enter her. (The comma belongs BEFORE and.}
I played with her clit for about ten minutes, starting at the front and
moving toward the back with my fingers and then repeating this process
with my tongue; and, then she begged me to enter her. {There is no
reason for the final comma.}
==============================
COMMENTS ON PREVIOUS ISSUE:
==============================
While some reformers devote their lives to more important topics, such
as eliminating semicolons, I suppose I am doomed to devote my life to
teaching people the difference between DISCRETE and DISCREET. I found
this in the classified wannafucks recently:
MWF Seeks discrete man or woman
What the ad suggests is that a TG person just won't do. I think the MWF
meant she wanted a DISCREET partner.
Correct choice among homonyms is important. It's actually easy and
natural to write the wrong word. I asked a very intelligent professor
about this once, and he told me that this happens because written
language is actually a mixture of oral and visual thinking. Apparently,
since the words sound alike, the letters just fire in rapid succession
while we type; and so we type the wrong word, even though we aren't
"sounding it out" at the time. He said that the only way most people
get around this is by being deliberately aware of homonyms while they
are typing them. That is, we sort of stop and say to ourselves, "I have
to type 'weather' now, because it sounds just like 'whether.' He added
that it was actually a sign of high intelligence for people to make
such mistakes; but I'm not sure that part was true. Ya see, the reason
he and I were having that conversation was because I had just made a
mistake of that sort in a paper I wrote for him; and I think he was
trying to make a pass at me by throwing in the "highly intelligent"
part.
But it really is worthwhile to be careful. If you use the wrong word,
it can be severely distracting. I once had a student who wrote that she
"had to be careful what she ate, because she was watching her waste."
Gross!
=======================
USING THE RIGHT WORD:
=======================
Each issue, I am going to discuss the distinctions between or among
some frequently confused words. If you have questions, comments, or
suggestions, I would be happy to hear from you.
BARE/BEAR
I found this in a story this week:
<<We couldn't bare to let our previous hours together be our last, so
we sneaked out of our cabins in our night clothes when everyone was
asleep.>>
BARE means naked. BEAR means to carry or endure. As a verb, BARE can
mean "to remove one's clothing." So the sentence makes some sense, if
we assume that the protagonists were unable to remove their clothes.
However, I think the author meant BEAR.
SITE/CITE/SIGHT
I found this in a story this week:
<<They were all friends of Lori's, people I knew by site but had never
really hung out with.>>
SITE is a noun that means "location." CITE means to give a citation -
to mention a reference. You can CITE a Web SITE by mentioning that
location.
What the writer wanted here was SIGHT. As a noun SIGHT means that which
is seen. As a verb, SIGHT means to see something, often at a distance.
SHINE/SHOWN
Here's one more from this week's reading:
<<Her straight blonde hair shown radiant to her shoulders....>>
SHOWN is the past perfect tense of SHOW. SHONE is an old but still
acceptable version of the past and past perfect tense of SHINE. {SHINED
is more common.} Although both SHOWN and SHONE can be pronounced the
same way, I suggest pronouncing SHONE to rhyme with on - largely to
avoid this mistake in usage.
<end>
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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