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Subject: {ASSM} White Noise {celia batau} (MF cons si caution)
X-Original-Subject: {ASSM} additional very very important note to White Noise {celia batau} (MF cons si caution)
Date: Sun, 24 Sep 2000 11:10:35 -0400
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hi everyone!
note: copyright 2000 celia batau. you may copy this story for personal use
so long as the author's name and this note are retained. permission to copy,
distribute, or display this work is not given to any website which charges
access to it. permission to copy, distribute, or display this work is given
to "no charge" websites with written consent of author.
this story was edited by Sam I am, who helped make this story much much
better. :) thanks Sam I am!
we like responses. please email us at pinataheart@bigplanet.net
White Noise (MF cons si caution)
by celia batau
(C) 2000
pinataheart@bigplanet.com
Anna woke in the dark. The bedroom was warm and still. Stretching her legs,
she settled back into the covers and let herself drift along half-awake, not
minding when her boyfriend, Mark, spooned behind her and rested his arm
protectively over her. Anna thought it amazing she felt so good with him,
kissing him, touching him, pushing her limits, sleeping naked beside him.
Actually desiring him felt so nice. And there was none of the normal
weirdness filling her head tonight. Everything was quiet.
Careful not to wake him, she slipped a hand back between them and found his
little friend. Anna took it gently into her hand and, lifting a leg, tucked
it between her thighs. She liked how it felt there, just touching her, soft
and non-threatening. Smiling, she slid her hand back under her pillow.
She woke to the white noise in her head. She felt
sick. Deathly sick. She didn't remember, but she
could still feel that man's touch all over her
body. She reached down under the covers and
touched herself. And winced. But it was her fault.
She promised herself she would never sleep again.
Two years was worth the wait, Anna thought. It was long enough that
everything inside felt certain that Mark wasn't there just to hurt her or
use her. Long enough to trust him the first time they made love. Long enough
to let him see the evilness and madness inside her, and know it only made
them closer rather than forcing them apart.
Stepping into the living room, she found her
purse and retrieved a razor. She pressed the
cardboard envelope between her fingers and took
a deep breath. She could taste the bile.
Slowly, Mark's softness came to life. Anna sighed inwardly and rolled over
to face him. Mark was quietly asleep, or faking it. She traced her eyes over
his thick lashes, the edges of his lips and the line of his jaw. She pressed
herself closer, very aware of every warm point she touched. With heightened
senses, she listened to his breathing, gauging it against her own shallow
breaths.
Her head felt thick, but she managed to coax her
feet back through the bedroom and into the
bathroom, stopping only long enough to grab a
fuzzy stuffed bear from the corner of the bed.
Carefully, Anna kissed Mark's chest. When he didn't respond, she snaked her
tongue out and lightly licked its tip across his skin. Mark's breathing
stopped. He was definitely faking it.
Tearing off a wad of toilet paper, she found
the tub and sat down on its edge. Her eyes began
to tear as the white noise expanded and pressed
against the inside of her skull. She pulled her
senses inward as the noise began to resolve into
individual voices. The world around her had
already begun to thicken and fade. She squeezed
her eyes shut as pain began to branch out through
her mind.
Baring her teeth, she gently bit a narrow strip of skin. Mark's penis
tensed. She began sucking the skin against her teeth, letting her lips form
the seal. She kept sucking, feeling the suction build to the point where she
believed it must be hurting him, yet he only reached up under the sheets to
caress the rise of her hip. Despite the distraction, Anna kept her
concentration on his chest until she finally released him and licked her
lips.
Mark rubbed the spot momentarily, then slid his hand up over her shoulder
and up behind her head.
Reality seemed to move up and wash back as she
breathed. It pulled the voices with it,
dragging the lines of pain along with the flow.
"Why me?" she cried into her hands.
Because you're stupid and worthless, the others
inside her head replied.
She hugged her stuffed bear tighter.
Anna gave Mark's chest another quick kiss and looked up into his face. "Roll
over," she whispered.
When Mark had rolled onto his back, Anna crawled over and sat on her
boyfriend's stomach. Mark took her hands in his and they laced fingers to
balance Anna as she dipped forward and began tracing her tongue over him.
He tasted warm. He tasted good. Salty. Male. She snuggled her bottom lower
onto his hips until she could feel the length of his member, She pushed
down, trying to rub the top along her labia. Mark mumbled something, but
Anna was already too far away, too sunk into trying to reach this primal
comfort that she had even stopped licking.
The white noise flared, and pain shot through her
hands. She looked up at nothing in particular.
She could feel the voices moving behind her face,
scraping against each other, and scraping away at
her sanity.
Mark's voice called again.
She looked up through her hair towards his face, then suddenly realized what
he was asking.
"Yes, I want it." Anna whispered.
"What? Are you sure?"
Anna nodded and continued to lap.
Slowly, she unwrapped the razor and held it in
her left hand as she folded and spread the
toilet paper across her left thigh, underneath
her forearm. She tucked the bear face-forward
between her knees.
Bad, bad idea, something echoed within her. With the warning came the image
of knives and the strong smell of another man, a long time ago. But the
warning was less insistent than her desire, and she pushed it out of her
thoughts.
At that moment, Mark lifted his hips and rolled her off. Immediately, he was
on top of her. Anna stretched her legs up and held onto his sides. Mark
grabbed her wrists and forced them to the mattress over her head; then they
kissed.
Anna let Mark take the lead, the way he liked it. The way she liked it. The
only way they'd ever done it together
... until tonight.
She rubbed her thumb along the inside of her
forearm, feeling for a bare spot where she
could cut. She rubbed one spot over and over
until she was satisfied, then switched the
blade to her right hand.
Letting go of her wrists, Mark propped himself on an elbow. He brought his
face to her left breast, covering the entirety of her small areola with his
mouth, wetting it, and flicking the hardened nub with the edge of his
tongue, feeding the pressure beneath and fueling the heat down below.
Anna set the tip of the razor against her skin
and felt it pop through. She dragged it across.
She was thousands of miles away. Her body felt
like hot water pouring into cold. She sucked in
a breath.
"More?" he asked, sliding his mouth from her nipple up to her throat.
"More," she nodded, as he lightly sucked, kissed and nibbled up to her
earlobe, running his nose, then his tongue, through the curls of her ear.
"Please, more," she breathed.
In the darkness she couldn't see how deep she was cutting,
and she didn't care. She wanted the pain out of her. She
could feel the beads trickling down her arm and onto the
paper.
Reaching down, Anna ran the palms of her hands down across her breasts. She
squeezed them, letting her thumbs caress her nipples. The pressure built.
Mark put his weight onto her narrow frame. Anna felt the mattress push back
beneath her.
Retracing the lines, the pain became sharper.
She could still feel that man inside her, and
the sensation sparked a new wave of nausea.
She just managed to swallow it back down.
Anna scratched upward along the lines of his ribs, encouraging him. Mark
responded by gliding his palm down her side and over her hip, turning it
down to cup her sex. Anna lifted herself up into his hand and he pushed a
finger into her.
"More. More," she mouthed. She had no words for the sensations spreading out
like a chill. The pressure kept building. Her hands dug into his back. Her
nipples ached. The whole of her face burned.
Cut by cut, she skinned the pain. She flexed her
forearm and felt the sharpness of the weak clots
tearing. The blood was sticky on her fingers.
She laughed, then cleared her throat. Each line
left her cleaner. Each mark made her real again.
Suddenly, Mark removed his finger and, without warning, placed the head of
his penis against her and pushed. Anna flinched as the chill turned into a
coarse tin-edged rasp burning through her nerves. She bit her lip and
pinched her nipples, willing herself to ride through the sensations. Mark
adjusted his weight and Anna felt the slickness run between them.
He entered her further and she gasped. A hand pushed hers away from her
breasts. She squeezed him with her legs.
Slowly, the nausea began to drain away, revealing
a residue of love settled in the furrows of her
senses. It was the man's love, now purified. She
licked her upper lip and touched the stickiness
on her forearm.
Finally, Mark bottomed out. Anna squeezed him as he pulled back. Mark's lips
found her own. Their tongues met and tasted each other as he advanced again.
Quicker and quicker they met and parted. She felt herself slipping inside.
Sweat crept into the crevices of her closed eyelids. It mixed with the
madness leaking in from the edges of her mind.
Anna ignored it. She was too close.
After a while had passed, she felt safe enough
to stand back up. The toilet paper came up with
her arm and she peeled it off before setting
the bear on the sink and tossing the paper in
the wastebasket.
Mark pushed. Anna grunted and bit at her arm. Her feet slipped off his back
and were left to sway in syncopation to their motions. Mark's mouth found
hers again and again in quick wet kisses. She threw her arms back and
grasped handfuls of the fitted bedsheet.
Flipping on the light, she turned to the sink
and opened the faucet. The water turned a
beautiful bright red as she ran her forearm
under it. She wiped the dried streaks down her
arm with gentle strokes of her fingertips. It
looked bad. She laughed. It always looked bad.
Again and again, like heartbeats, they pushed and pulled together until Anna
couldn't move. She was nothing but fire. Reaching with his hands, Mark found
her ankles and brought them together above her. Then sliding his knees for
leverage, he lifted her bottom off the mattress as he continued with
stronger and stronger thrusts, getting closer and closer until, finally, he
ground himself against her and roared.
She exploded.
Turning the faucet off, she dabbed some more
toilet paper around the cuts and then opened
the cabinet, taking a few adhesive bandages,
which she carefully applied over the wounds.
The noise was gone.
With a deep breath, Anna flipped off the light and carried the bear back to
bed. Crawling in, she wiggled down next to the warm dark lump beside her
and, with a light kiss, drifted off to sleep.
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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