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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 367 Sept 16 (repost)
Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2000 22:10:02 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 367 -- Sept 16, 2000
Note: I noticed that Athena and Venus were mixed up in my
first set of post-hiatus reviews. I have put them back in the
right order. Athena was the Greek goddess of wisdom. Hence,
she gets credit for my ratings for technical quality. Venus was
the Roman goddess of love. Hence, she gets credit for my
ratings of the plot and character development of a sex story.
Celeste is me; and I get credit for my own preferences.
Second note: I have a web site of my own now. It's nothing
spectacular; but if your goal is to find my reviews, you may
find it easier or more convenient to look at my web site than
to find them elsewhere. I'll still continue to post them on
a.s.s.m., and they will be archived in the asstr archives.
My web page address is
http://hometown.aol.com/celeste801
I would be happy to receive comments and suggestions from
you.
Third note: I have a backlog of stories that need to be
reviewed. In some cases I have lost track of when I received
these stories. If I post a review of one of your stories that was
posted a long time ago, perhaps you will want to repost it. If
you sent me a story in the past, I possibly still have it and will
review it. If time goes by and you never see your story
reviewed, please send me another copy.
Some correspondents have accused me of "caving in to
pressure" by adopting a policy of reviewing almost nothing
except stories for which the authors request reviews. My reply
is that I have so many good stories from authors who have
requested reviews, that I simply don't know how I could find
time to review stories by many other authors.
I WILL make exceptions to my "request only" policy. For
example, in this issue I have reviews by a couple of authors
who are on my personal "best authors" list. I enjoy the stories
these authors have written in the past, and it's fun to write
about the ideas these authors tend to bring up. I like to do
these authors the favor of sharing information about their
stories with a broader audience. However, I am not going to be
beating the bushes quite as hard as I used to; and so if you
want a story reviewed, you should at least put the <*> symbol
in your subject line or (preferably) email me a copy.
Please note that I do NOT review partial stories. That is, not
unless your name is Al Steiner or someone who I am certain
will finish a serial story. It usually makes more sense to wait
until the whole story is posted before I review it. If you send
me a 1/? story, I'll just set it aside until I see the whole thing.
Finally, I have received a few notes recently from irritated
authors invoking the wrath of various deities upon me for
failing to review the stories that they posted with clearly
marked <*> symbols. Please be aware that I have been really
and truly on vacation for several months. I have not even
monitored this area; and if you posted a request for a review, I
had no way to see it. I can understand your disappointment;
but if this has happened to you, just send me another copy or
post another request. I promise not to hold any prior
expressions of hostility against you.
I apologize for the excessive {albeit correct} usage of
semicolons in the preceding paragraph <wink>.
THIS WEEK'S JOKE:
The following are replies that have allegedly been included on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for details about
the father:
"I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I
was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from
behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I
think were at the party if this helps."
"I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had
unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember
that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to
track down the father can you send me his phone number?
Thanks."
"I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from
the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate
and that he is Christ risen again."
"I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me
that to do so would blow his cover and that would have
cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between
doing right by you and right by my country. Please advise."
"From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at
Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom."
"Regarding the identity of the father of my twins. Child A was
fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of
the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on
the same night."
"[name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?"
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Size" by Lyndon Brown (wife watching) 9, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=651316479
"Sometimes Love is Not Enough" by Jack of all Trades (teen
romance) 9, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=593699559
"Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" by Einstein X. Mystery
(first time teen sex) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666823385
"Tom's Secret" by Serath Rune (sex slavery & spouse watching)
7, 8, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636598
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636759
"Blind Date" by Wiseguy (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666680762
"Catalyst" by Conjugate (sex education) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=635898109
"Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry" by Father
Ignatius (sex with the natives) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595114885
"A Change in Perspective" by Ann Douglas (former teacher
really sucks) 9, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668951788
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668971928
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
"Husband" by Alcibade (sex slavery & spouse watching) 10, 8,
8
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb1.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb2.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb3.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb4.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb5.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb6.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb7.txt
"The Longest Minute" by Uther Pendragon (sexual timing) 10,
9, 9
http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/story/longest.txt
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=663270393
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Size" by Lyndon Brown (indysheets@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=651316479
The man has been happily married to his wife for a long time,
but he has a wee little weenie. She wishes he had a bigger one.
He figures he'll teach her a lesson. He'll have some guy with a
ten-incher fuck her in a brutish manner; and then he'll make
tender love to her, thus proving to her that tenderness is
better than size. Hmmm. Right.
This isn't the sort of story that will get you turned on. At least
I hope not. But it's still a cute story. As the saying goes, "If it
ain't broke, don't fix it."
Ratings for "Size"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Sometimes Love Is Not Enough" by Jack of all Trades
(tradesjackofall@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=593699559
This is an extremely good story. Bill Garvin is a nasty SOB who
beats his wife and screws his bank customers metaphorically
and his daughter literally. Mike Sanders is a nice young boy
who is devoted to his horse, who does chores around the
house, whose parents are being screwed by Bill Garvin, and
who is deeply attracted to Garvin's daughter, Patience.
I'm going to let you read the story yourself. It's a good one.
This author uses the following story codes on his title line:
(mf, rom, incest, violence). I think this story demonstrates the
futility of the story codes. While I can understand that
potential readers would like to know what a story is about
before downloading it, in this case the information is
misleading. The abbreviation "mf" in lowercase means that we
have two young people having sex. That's true. "Rom" means
that the story is romantic. Also true. "Incest" means that the
story involves incest. That's true; but most readers who look
for "incest" in the title line are looking for "family fun" -- the
sort of story in which parents merrily hump their kids to the
mutual benefit of everyone concerned. This story takes a
much more realistic perspective: the daughter who is getting
screwed hates the experience and would like to see the old
man dead. "Violence" usually means that the story contains
rape or coercion in the context of, "Hey, cool! Look at that
bitch squirm." This story, on the other hand, puts sexual
violence in the perspective in which it belongs -- a demeaning
activity imposed by a complete asshole on a victim who is hurt
by the experience.
So my guess is that a lot of people looking for a good story
missed this one, because the story codes were 'misleading.' I
hope this review helps correct that mistake. The story has
minor imperfections. For example, a teenage girl who has been
repeatedly abused by her father and who has therefore
spurned contact with males might have more trouble making
tender love than Patience displayed in this story- even with a
very friendly boyfriend. But overall, the plot and character
development are excellent. The non-sexual elements of the
plot {banking problems faced by small farmers and counseling
for abused women} are well handled and are nicely integrated
into the plot.
The author chooses words effectively and employs generally
effective sentence structure, but there are numerous examples
of just plain bad punctuation. For example:
<<He had gotten him for a song, his previous owner felt he
was too wild, couldn't be tamed.>>
This is an example of a comma splice--a type of a run-on
sentence. There should be either a period or a semicolon after
"song."
<<The only friends she ever had were also Bill's, she wouldn't
feel safe going to them.>>
This is another comma splice. In this case, I would solve the
problem by turning the first clause into a subordinate clause,
like this:
<<Since the only friends she ever had were also Bill's, she
wouldn't feel safe going to them.>>
Here's another example of omitted punctuation:
<<Even though his transfer here had resulted in a pay increase
he was under no illusions about what it really meant.>>
There should be a comma after increase. This is possibly a
close call, but the general rule is to use a comma to set off
introductory phrases and clauses. {This is because without the
comma, the phrase or clause tends to blend with whatever
comes next.} If the introductory phrase or clause is short, it's
OK to omit the comma; but I thought the above sentence was
confusing without the comma. Mistakes like this are numerous
and annoying; but the overall high quality of the writing helps
minimize their impact.
Ratings for "Sometimes Love is Not Enough"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" by Einstein X. Mystery
(einstein@scn.org).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666823385
The title describes what the young lady was wearing the first
time the two teenagers made love together. It was the first
time for both. So he goes through life with an affinity for
ribbed sweaters & broomstick skirts. It's called classical
conditioning -- Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of the bell,
and the narrator salivates somewhat metaphorically at the
sight of the designated garments. Personally, I have an affinity
for large plants in concrete baskets on the top of tall buildings,
but that's about all you're going to get out of me.
Stories about young teen love evoke sweet emotions in me --
even if what the story describes bears no resemblance to my
own first time. In general, most teens should follow the advice
that Ann Landers gives -- wait until you're grown up to have
sex. My own main objection to teenage sex is that once kids
starting screwing, it's awful hard to stop -- especially if it's as
good as it is in this story; and if you can't stop, you're likely to
get entwined in a relationship that will wind up hurting
someone. But only in real life.
But as a fantasy of what the first time was like -- or what it
could have been like -- this story was delightful.
Ratings for "Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Tom's Secret" by Serath Rune (SerathRune@netscape.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636598
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636759
The author describes this as a variation on "Husband" by
Alcibade, a story to which I gave ratings of 10, 8, 8 back in
issue 162 of Celestial Reviews {March 1, 1997}. My relatively
low ratings for plot development and preference were based
largely on the fact that the story appeared to be incomplete.
Serath has set out to correct that shortcoming.
Tom and Ellen have been happily married. Then one day Tom
informs Ellen that in order for him to be happy, he has to
watch another man make love to her, while that man also
dominates him. Reluctantly, Ellen agrees. The ensuing scene
seemed distasteful and demeaning to me, but Ellen enjoys the
experience; and it seems to be just the tonic that their
marriage has needed. Read the story for more complete
details.
I just don't get it. Now, keep in mind that I didn't go out and
dig up a story that I thought I would hate, so that I could spew
my wrath at an innocent author. Serath sent me this story with
a request for a review. I don't think she is depraved or
illiterate. The punctuation is just plain screwed up in several
places. That sort of thing adds to the discontinuity of the plot;
but even if the punctuation were perfect, I'd see problems with
this story.
If the author's intention was to run a different tale through
the Mdom wife-watching formula -- a tale designed to make
sense only to those true believers whose juices start to flow
when some poor bastard gets cuckolded -- then maybe this is a
good story. I don't know; I'm not a member of that club.
However, by sending this story to me, the author seems to be
suggesting that she wants the story to make sense to a broader
audience. If that's the case, I think she has missed the boat. As
I understand the plot, the woman allowed herself to be talked
into some severely dysfunctional activities that violated the
basic covenant of love that she shared with her husband, and
then she immediately enjoyed her participation in
counterintuitive activities. And then the marriage was better
off as a result of this experience. Something is missing here.
The "true believer" will look at this story and say, "Yep! That's
the way things happen." The rest of us are likely to say,
"Bullshit!" If the story is supposed to convey to me either (1)
the beauty of this submissive lifestyle or (2) the inner
workings of the mind of a person who is different from me, it
simply comes up way short.
Over the past few years I have read several novels by Dean
Koontz. One of the things Koontz often does is to try to get
inside the mind of somebody whose emotions are really
screwed up and to show the intensity of that person's
emotions. Since the beginning of the school year I have been
reading Koontz's "False Memory." At this point (about a tenth
of the way into the long novel), I am reading about one person
with agoraphobia, another with autophobia, and another who
is suicidal for unspecified reasons. I had never even heard of
autophobia before I started this story, and I knew little about
agoraphobia; but as I read this novel, I found myself believing
that I could understand how the minds of these characters
worked. I didn't get that feeling with "Tom's Secret."
Frankly, I sometimes get just plain depressed reading Koontz's
novel. But the dog appears to be normal. And after all, I am
reading this during a study hall during which I am in charge
of some kids who make the characters look normal by
comparison.
My point here is that while Koontz considers all three of these
characters to be good people whom I would probably like, he
makes me perceive their behaviors as being clearly
dysfunctional; and I think that's the way he expects the
normal person to perceive these behaviors. On the other hand,
with the present story (and also with Alcibade's), I read these
activities that sound clearly dysfunctional; and I get the
impression that the author thinks I am making a mistake to
think that these behaviors are really weird.
My analysis of the characters in this story is that they are sick.
They need to get their lives together -- see a counselor, grow
up, watch Dr. Laura on TV -- do whatever it takes to get over
some serious problems. I just don't see the sense behind the
notion that it's normal to be aroused by shame. If shame
makes you aroused, you should get over it. Seek professional
help, if necessary. But taking delight in your shame is not
productive; nor is it loving to contribute to someone else's
enjoyment of his own shame. That's called codependency.
My critics crap all over me whenever I write a review like this,
because they say I am commenting on lifestyles or sexual
preferences, instead of reviewing stories, which is what I
should be doing. My reply is that I am writing essays for my
personal enlightenment and that of my readers. I label these
essays "reviews," and I do indeed review stories; but I also
sometimes write about the topics that evolve in these stories. I
don't see this as being beyond the scope of what a reviewer is
"allowed" to do.
My hope is that a review like this can be helpful to this author,
as well as to other authors who want to accomplish something
similar. If her goal was to write a story for the inner circle of
true believers, then perhaps most of my comments will be
useless to her. However, if her goal was to write a story that
conveyed an authentic set of emotions to people that didn't
already share her insights into certain activities, then my
feedback may be useful. I gave the story an honest shot, and
(although I have certainly seen worse) it simply did not give
me the impression that I understood the emotions involved in
the story. I hope my insights have been helpful. Maybe
somebody else will give the author different feedback.
Ratings for "Tom's Secret"
Athena (technical quality):7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Blind Date" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666680762
Jake gets trapped into a blind date with Natalie. Chandra, the
wife of the man who introduced Natalie and Jake for the blind
date, is a genuine witch of Caribbean ancestry. Shortly after
dinner, Chandra performs a friendship ceremony, which
makes Natalie and Jake likely to like each other. As near as I
can figure, the friendship ceremony is the Caribbean
witchcraft equivalent of the hypnosis techniques that
sophomores often acquire from psychology textbooks in
stories on this newsgroup -- only a little more plausible.
It just doesn't pay for me to summarize stories like this. There
are elements of mind control, but it's not the juvenile stuff
that sometimes fills mind control stories. It's really a nice
romance story with lots of good sex and some interesting
twists. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Blind Date"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Catalyst" by Conjugate (conjugat@bellsouth.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=635898109
Here's the deal. Ginny is horny as hell, because she is away at
school and separated from her Sweetie, who is a hunk, albeit
unavailable right now. Danny is a neighbor, who hangs out
platonically with Ginny and her friend Linny; but although
Ginny wants to be faithful to her Sweetie, she is aware that
Danny has the hots for her -- or at least for her tits. Meanwhile,
Linny is pining away for a boyfriend who is a dork. Somewhere
near the beginning of the story, deprivation drives Ginny into
having seriously wet dreams about Danny. Therefore, in order
to preserve her fidelity to her distant Sweetie, she decides that
she should get Linny involved with Danny, so that he won't be
hot for Ginny's titties anymore, and presumably this will
reduce her libido to a manageable level. Not really, I mutter;
Ginny is presuming that Linny and Danny will carry out their
festivities where she cannot see them, and if this assumption is
false, well, then it's Goodbye Sweetie.
The gumdrop in the works (as they say in Canada) is that
Linny is slightly shier than a church mouse (as they say in
England). Linny is also sexually naive.
Since Linny resists the more direct "Hey, why don't you fuck
Danny?" approach, Ginny adopts the more indirect scheme of
reading sex stories from the Internet together with Linny.
Moving right along, Ginny goes over to Linny's place for stir-
fries and rice and to teach her how to masturbate. This
educational activity is necessary because Ginny wants to get
Linny uninhibited enough to attack Danny and keep him apart
from Ginny, so that she can remain faithful to her Sweetie.
They start by reading more stories -- this time of the F solo
mast sub-genre. As fate would have it, after a few silly stories
involving zuchinis, coke bottles, and other strategies that exist
only in the minds of male authors who don't quite have their
female anatomy straight, they come upon a story obviously
written by somebody who knows how a woman really
masturbates. The story goes into such excellent detail that
even Ginny starts to learn a few things herself.
Well, I am not going to tell you that the two ladies go at it
right then and there or that they eventually have Danny join
them in their revelry; but if that were what happens, then I
would have made an accurate prediction, wouldn't I? And I
doubt that I would have brought this up, if I were wrong.
You'll have to read the story to see what happens.
As the author says, "There is no slope more slippery than an
oily pair of pussy lips."
And one more thing: in strip poker who is the winner and who
is the loser? I mean, is it possible that strip poker might be one
of those touchy feely games that we could play at teacher
retreats -- games where nobody really loses and everyone goes
away with a warm fuzzy feeling and an eagerness to contribute
to the team effort? Last year our school system hired an
"expert consultant" with a huge zit on his forehead who had
us play with a large ball; but strip porker -- er, poker -- would
be a lot cheaper. It's certainly worth looking into.
The author does a good job of working little editorials,
anecdotes, and sex education tutorials into her story. I have an
affinity for authors who do things like that.
This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Catalyst"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry" by Father
Ignatius (FatherIgnatius@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595114885
Father Ignatius starts by informing us that the Masai are real
people, living in Kenya, which is a place in Africa. He says men
of the tribe have the biggest dicks in the world. To prepare
myself for this story, I went to my search engine and entered
"Masai +dicks."
My search was not in vain. When I cut the dicks out of my
search, I got numerous hits, one of which was to a lesson plan
from a school system in Maryland. Don't bother checking.
Leave these people alone. If four million of my readers rush
off and bombard the school system with questions and
requests, Senator Hatch and his gang will be on my ass in no
time.
Here's what I found out. After studying about the Masai for
two one-hour periods, third graders in Maryland are able to:
* Explain how the Masai use the physical setting of the
land to satisfy their wants and needs.
* Explain factors which influence where the Masai live.
* Describe how transportation and communication
networks link the Masai community to other communities.
* Describe the relationship between economic wants and
needs for the Masai and Linda's family.
What I am going to do is check this story to see if maybe some
of us -- the people who have access to this story by Father
Ignatius -- can accomplish some of the same goals that the
third graders in Maryland can attain after two days of
probably more tedious but less prurient study.
I have finished the story. Interesting enough -- indeed, VERY
interestingly -- the story DOES meet all of the objectives
designated for third graders in Maryland. I kid you not: I read
about the physical setting, where the Masai live,
transportation and communication, and economic wants and
needs of Masai ricksha runners.
However, there is a slight possibility that not everything in
this story is exactly true. For example, strong young Masai
men probably do pull rickshas, jump around to impress
tourists while doing so, generally hustle tourists, and fuck the
pretty ones whenever it is mutually agreeable to do so.
However, I am not absolutely certain that ricksha drivers are
allowed to receive blowjobs from clients while driving the
minibus afterwards or that they would pull over and suggest
that the Nordic goddess desist, were fellatio to have been
initiated.
As the story develops, we discover that Kristen (the Nordic
tourist) is more interested in anthropology than in history.
That is, she is more interested in having sex with her three
ricksha boys than in hearing their spiel about historic
landmarks. To accommodate her interests, the guys make it
possible for her to spend the night in an authentic Zulu hut
before her departure in the morning. As the narrator says,
"the spectacle of muscular, half naked warriors working up a
sweat fighting for her favours often has a memorably
aphrodisiac effect on the Nordic goddess of the moment and
that is a good enough reason for doing it." Imagine that. The
guys have to be careful while servicing the tourist; otherwise
she might mistakenly believe she is to be sacrificed to a
terrible war god, which could be severely distracting.
In addition to meeting all the curricular objectives, this story
also informs us that Uppsala is in Sweden and that either John
or Karl Barth has something to do with Giles Goat-Boy. These
factoids represent a bit of what we educators call an
enrichment activity -- that is, a couple of trick questions we
can use to terrorize students who have focused too closely on
the presumed objectives of the unit of instruction. However,
for pictures I'm afraid you'll have to consult National
Geographic. By the way, did you know that the North
American continent is actually sinking at the rate of an inch
per decade, because so many people store back issues of
National Geographic in their houses? That wasn't in the story; I
heard it on the radio.
In summary, the story is almost certainly as informative as the
lesson for the third graders in Maryland. However, I would
NOT recommend the story for third graders. That's because I
subjected the story to a reading level analysis, which indicated
that the grade level was 6.9. That makes it appropriate for
juniors in American high schools -- and possibly graduate
students at Canadian colleges.
This was a truly delightful story.
Oh, I almost forgot. The author uses the word "rutted" in its
proper, literal sense. You can look it up.
Ratings for "Ricksha Boy"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Change in Perspective" by Ann Douglas
(ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668951788
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668971928
How's this for pick-up line? "Excuse me; but by any chance
would you happen to know the three major causes of the Civil
War?" Alan is in a bar at a teacher's convention, and the
question is coming from the young teacher's former history
teacher, who had also been rated the third-best-looking
teacher in the school.
They have dinner together and share fond memories of their
former times together. An unanswered question is which was
greater - the number of times she imagined her husband was
Alan, or the times Alan had jerked off imagining it was
Maureen's mouth wrapped around his cock instead of his own
fingers. In the present story they make new memories.
This is vintage Ann Douglas stuff -- an older woman making
gentle but passionate love to a younger man. Memories and
experiences blend nicely into a very good story.
Ratings for "A Change in Perspective"
Athena (technical quality):9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
"Husband" by Alcibade.
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb1.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb2.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb3.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb4.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb5.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb6.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection
/Book_Shelf_A/alchusb7.txt
The husband stops the car and tells his wife what he wants.
When they get home, she will receive a phone call from a man,
and she is to do whatever is asked of her by the man. The
husband (Peter) trusts this man; and Peter, in turn, will submit
totally to the two of them.
Needless to say, Linda becomes Charles's sex slave for a week,
while Peter looks on and both of them experience verious
types of humiliation. Charles even loans them out to a 15-
year-old Japanese boy, who has his first sexual experience with
them. The boy learns that he must learn to be judicious and
compassionate as he doles out pain and humiliation. Equally
needless to say, the experiences enhance the couple's
relationship.
The story ends very abruptly; it's apparently the first part of a
multipart story that is not yet complete (hence the "low" - 8 -
rating for plot and reviewer preference. I have never really
understood the logic (or the sound emotions) behind the need
to humiliate a person I loved, and this story does not persuade
me. People who do understand that logic or those feelings may
enjoy this story more than I did.
Ratings for "Husband"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Longest Minute" by Uther Pendragon
(anon584c@nyx.net).
http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/story/longest.txt
Sometimes in order to get turned on the most at the end, you
have to become turned off in the short run, but not so much
as to reduce the likelihood that you will be rewarded at the
end. Anyone who has sought the Holy Grail of simultaneous
orgasm knows that this is true.
For some reason I haven't been faced with this problem in a
long time. That must mean that my husband and I are really
good at it or maybe he just takes care of everything at his end
or maybe we've discovered that the Holy Grail isn't as holy as
we thought it was. That is, coming first and third might be as
good as coming once simultaneously -- and require less
concerted effort.
At any rate, when I used to be faced with this problem, I used
to use Wheat Wafers or Rye Krisps or something like that. I
forget the exact name, but it was a snack that was so insipid
that it was impossible to get turned on even thinking about
them. I suspect Bill Clinton used Paula Jones for this same
purpose.
Anyway, the guy in this story is going through some mental
gymnastics to time his orgasm to concur with his lover's. You
can read the story to get the details.
It's not a long story, but it addresses an interesting problem --
if you have that problem.
Ratings for "The Longest Minute"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=663270393
[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose.
The story was not yet there at the time of this posting, but I
am certain it will be there when Uther completes the revision.]
{Uther is revising this story as he reposts it. I am not going to
re-review it, but I'd like to give it proper attention by
reposting this old review.}
To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title
refers to the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding
is that it makes a woman less likely to suffer from breast
cancer in later life and will speed the loss of that extra weight
that she developed during pregnancy. Forget all that, and get
on with the story.
This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life
matters than most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga:
discussions of child-rearing, of getting a college education in
French, of family tribulations and relationships, of theoretical
economics, of the philosophy of history, of the Fashoda
Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to
war with France), and of many other matters that real-life
family members would be likely to discuss during a Christmas
visit. {These are the sort of things Americans talk about when
they don't spend all their time watching television. Alas, the
Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the fucking
these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?}
And there's lots of play with the Kitten -- which is the
nickname for Bob and Jeanette's daughter.
I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the
Brennan Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place
to start. However, if you have been enjoying each of the other
episodes as they have appeared, you'll be likely to enjoy this
one. It fills in numerous details about people we have grown to
know and love -- for example, we see the courtship of Bob and
Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the
perspective of Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing
that brings enjoyment to real-life families, and it makes for a
very good read.
Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a
heart condition. Planning a quarrel with him violates her
{Vi's} hypocritical oath." A "hypocritical oath" would be an
insincere affirmation. The correct term is "Hippocratic oath,"
referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek and
modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction,"
since this author is usually extremely accurate in his word
choice. The sentence could actually make sense with
"hypocritical," since it would be possible that Bob might have
been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence. {In fact,
if my professor in college would have caught me with that
mistake, that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of
this review to the author, and he assured me that the pun was
intentional.
The part of the story that held my interest was how Bob and
his father would react to Jeanette and Vi's conspiracy to
terminate their overt hostility toward each other. I realize that
has nothing to do with sex, but that should serve to
demonstrate how good this story is. However, I hasten to add
that in addition to the story's excellent and mature plot, the
sex is tender and good. These two people seem to fuck as often
as unmarried hedonists who are overwhelmed with reciprocal
lust! Imagine that. Even if it is mostly licit, unexceptionable,
intercourse between lawfully wedded husband and wife.
Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==============================
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: HYPHENS
==============================
A correspondent has asked me to discuss hyphens.
The most common use of a hyphen used to be to split a long
word into two parts at the end of a line. However, with the
advent of the computer, writers rarely worry about this usage
anymore. That's because (1) word-processing programs
hyphenate automatically with remarkable accuracy and (2)
many writers no longer bother splitting words at all. If the
word won't fit on one line, they simply move the entire word
to the next linte.
If you do split words by hand, be sure to follow these three
simple rules:
(1) Don't leave just one letter before the hyphen.
(2) Don't hyphenate so that there are fewer than three letters
on the subsequent line.
(3) Hyphenate only between syllables.
(4) If a word already has a hyphen, split it at that hyphen or
not at all.
(5) Do not split words where the hyphen would cause
confusion. For example, "her-oism" would be confusing.
Use "hero-ism" instead.
A second usage of hyphens is to join several words into one.
For examples, we do this with numbers (e.g., twenty-one, one-
fourth). In addition to numbers, the following are occasions
when hyphens are appropriate:
(1) Use a hyphen to form a compound adjective when you
want the two words to be considered a single idea.
a well-known prostitute
a well-fucked pussy
an out-of-date dildo
full-fledged blowjob
your cock-sucking cousin
end-of-the-century romantic literature
once-in-a-lifetime orgasm
earth-moving climax
The above rule applies only when the adjective precedes the
noun. If the adjective follows a copulative (linking) verb, omit
the hyphen.
The prostitute was well known.
Her pussy was well fucked.
My dildo is out of date.
The purpose of this rule is to enable readers to avoid
confusion. Readers who see the hyphen will easily join
together two words that they would normally tend to separate.
Since almost all words that end in -ly are adverbs that modify
the following word, a hyphen is not necessary with adverbs
that end in -ly.
a highly regarded prostitute
a slightly fucked pussy
(2) Use a hyphen for coined expressions, when you want to
make sure readers will put all the words in the
expression together.
She gave him a go-ahead-and-fuck-me look.
(3) Use a hyphen with some prefixes. For example, if a prefix
precedes a word that is capitalized, use a hyphen after
the prefix.
un-American
anti-British
Some prefixes almost always use a hyphen. You can identify
these by looking in a good dictionary. The most common are
ex-
self-
semi-
half-
quasi-
ex-boyfriend
ex-lover
ex-masturbator
self-stimulation
half-assed idiot
half-completed blowjob
semi-literate Australian whore (also semi-literate
kangaroo-fucking Australian whore)
(4) Sometimes it is useful to use a hyphen to prevent
confusion or ambiguity.
Who is your favorite comic-strip hero? {Without the
hyphen, a reader might think that the hero is a stripper.}
a pre-existing disease {without the hyphen, the reader
would be likely to try to run the two e's together into a single
syllable.}
Exceptions and problems:
Sometimes words become so closely associated that the
hyphen is dropped, and the two words become a single word
(e.g., motherfucker, not mother-fucker or mother fucker. If the
words were written the latter two ways, they would have a
slightly different meaning. For example, a son having sex with
his mother might be called a "mother-fucker"; and when the
family gets together in such a way that everyone fucks
everyone else, then the maternal coordinator of this activity
might be called the "mother fucker."). The best way to tell if
the combination has become a single word is to check a
current dictionary. Another way is to type it as a single word
and then let your spellcheck tell you whether this usage is
correct.
Finally, even when hyphens are appropriate, there has been a
tendency in recent years to permit writers to omit them. {That
is, "well fucked pussies," without the hyphen, have become
increasingly common, even among refined English teachers.}
However, if the omission would cause confusion, use the
hyphens.
Recently someone called my husband a goddam motherfuckin'
sonuvabitch cocksucker - with no hyphens at all. Years ago, he
would have been called a god-damned mother-fucking son-of-
a-bitch cock-sucker. Note that even nowadays it would be
necessary to use at least one hyphen to call him a goddam
motherfuckin' sonuvabitch half-assed cocksucker. Likewise, I
need a hyphen to refer to him as a good-looking goddam
motherfuckin' sonuvabitch cocksucker.
Remember: the whole purpose of the hyphen is to prevent
confusion by showing that words or parts of words belong
together. If you can solve this problem without hyphens, more
power to you. But keep in mind that your goal is to express
yourself clearly to your readers.
==============================
COMMENTS ON PREVIOUS ISSUE:
==============================
In my last issue I discussed semicolons. I noticed on a.s.s.d. a
flurry of postings that seem to demonstrate that there is a
subculture within this newsgroup in which semicolons are the
object of derision. The basic gist of this society's constitution
is that semicolons should be avoided. If you feel the urge to
use a semicolon, revise the sentence (they say). The result will
be better prose.
That's fine with me. As you can see, I have assiduously
avoided semicolons in this discussion until right now; and the
result has been a perfectly clear expression of my ideas
(although some wag out there will point out that ideas that are
full of crap cannot possibly be perfectly clear expressions of
anything). However, in the sentence immediately preceding
this one, I believe the semicolon served a useful purpose. It
joined the two ideas more closely than would have been
possible had I used two separate sentences, and it avoided
confusion that would have occurred had I used a mere comma.
On the other hand, in the sentence immediately preceding this
one, I got by with a comma instead of a semicolon, because
there was no internal punctuation.
However, I also agree with MichaelD38, who said, " Bah. There
are no rules of grammar so sacrosanct that a talented writer
can't break them with impunity if he knows what he's doing. I
can understand such pedantry with non-fiction, which is about
communication, but fiction is art, and art is about breaking
conventions. All grammar, no soul. No thanks." That is, a
writer's (or speaker's) goal is to communicate a message
clearly (and sometimes artistically). If grammar interferes with
that message, then screw the grammar. But when you follow
that dictum, keep in mind that you are inventing your own
grammar; and unless you really know what you are doing (and
a lot of people really DO know what they are doing, even if
their knowledge is based on intuition), you might discover
that ignoring the conventional rules of grammar hurts you
more than it helps you.
I also agree that there is some validity in the criticism that
some writers become lazy by using semicolons when they
should do something else instead. But I think a complete ban
on semicolons is excessive. I have a friend with a similar
bugaboo. He says that I should never say "very." His says that
he uses his "change all" command to change each "very" in his
writing to "damn." Then his editor removes all the "damns."
That's a very good idea.
The semicolon serves a useful purpose. If you want to use that
tool for that purpose, then do so. If you want to solve your
problems by reconstructing sentences in order to avoid
semicolons, then do so.
=======================================
TRUE WORDS BY ACCIDENT DEPARTMENT:
=======================================
I found this in a story I was reading this week:
"This {sexual affair} must be discrete; and once it is over, it's
over."
The author meant "discreet." What he accidentally said was
that the affair must be non-continuous -- which happened also
to be true, I suppose.
DISCRETE means separate or distinct. DISCREET means being
judicious or circumspect in one's conduct or speech. Although
lexicographers acknowledge this distinction, few other really
sexy people seem to know about it. Almost every time an
author on a.s.s. means DISCREET, he/she says DISCRETE.
I had sex with her in a discreet corner of the restaurant, where
only the waitresses, the cooks, and customers leaving through
the back door could see us. {This is a correct usage of the word
- assuming that it is judicious to act in this manner.}
I made love to him three discrete times that weekend. {This
means they fucked, they stopped, they fucked, they stopped,
and then they fucked again.}
A DISCREET orgy would be one that is conducted in such a
way as to avoid upsetting the neighbors. A DISCRETE orgy
would be one that occurred separately from other orgies. A
person who had several DISCREET orgasms while listening to
the preacher would be much less likely to disturb the service
than one who had several DISCRETE orgasms.
<end>
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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