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From: Antaeus Feldspar <feldspar@cryogen.com>
Subject: {ASSM} Ayanami Afternoons (mf, bd, fanfic) {Antaeus Feldspar}
Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2000 21:10:04 -0400
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DISCLAIMERS AND AUTHOR'S NOTES:
The following story is a work of fiction, based on characters from
the animated Japanese series "Neon Genesis Evangelion." This
fan-fiction is not meant to reflect on this high-quality production, and
my use of these characters is in no way meant to circumvent or obviate
the purposes of copyright.
The content of this story is sexual in nature. It may be illegal to
read depending on your age and your geographical location; proceeding
past this warning places responsibility with you. The description of
certain acts in a work of fiction is in no way meant to be interpreted
as approval of these acts in reality.
*****************************************************************************
AYANAMI AFTERNOONS
by
Antaeus Feldspar
Misato took another sip of beer and decided that her doodling on the
napkin was turning into a fairly good likeness of Gendo Ikari. She
tipped her chair a little further back, keeping herself balanced with
her toes under the kitchen table. She heard the apartment door opened
in a rush, and knew who it was by the sound of school shoes being ripped
off and hurled to the floor.
Sure enough, Asuka entered a second later. Her face was almost the
same orange-red as her hair. "Where is he?" she demanded. "Has the
idiot come in yet?"
Misato added a few lines to Gendo's beard. "Shinji hasn't come in
yet. If that's who you mean by 'the idiot.'" Of course it was; who
else did Asuka ever use that epithet for?
Asuka hurled her bookbag to the floor and spat something in dark
German. "That tears it. That's fine! Fine! The stupid Third Child
can just go see the Nowhere Queen every day of the week, if he wants,
and it's fine with me!"
"Ah, Shinji went to visit Ayanami after school again."
Asuka turned around, her red hair swinging. "Of course he did!
They're only the two most boring people on the face of God's Earth, so
of course they gravitate to each other! Spineless and Wonder Girl, a
match made in Heaven."
Misato hid her grin behind the mouth of the beer can. "Yeah, I can
see how it would bother you. Where you want such boring people to pay
you attention and all." _Especially Shinji._
"Are you kidding?" Asuka turned and stomped out of the room. "She
can have him! They're probably going at it doggy-style right now."
Misato's spurt came out her nose and left a trefoil-shaped puddle of
Yebiisu beer on the tabletop. "Asuka!" she said, when she could breathe
again. "Good grief, you're not even supposed to know about things like
that yet! Are you? How much do you kids know about sex these days,
anyways?"
"Everything," Asuka called back.
"I'll just bet." Misato started wiping up the spill with her Gendo
napkin. _Asuka only thinks she knows everything. Still, I wonder. Not
like my own start wasn't early enough, Lord knows._ She smiled. _What
a mental image, though: Shinji Ikari getting hot and heavy with Rei
Ayanami. He's far too shy, and she -- I doubt that she even knows what
it is._
***
Mouth dry, Shinji eased his fingers underneath the leg hole of Rei's
cotton panties. Under the thin white fabric, he could make out the
outline of her sex and the dark shadow of her pubic hair. He moved his
fingertips over the dark curls and stroked softly downward, feeling the
swollen heat of the skin. "Does it feel good when I do that?" he
whispered to her.
When she made no answer, he looked up at her face. There were no
clues in her features. Her lips were neither smiling nor frowning, and
her sunset-colored eyes (the only eyes of that color Shinji had ever
seen) merely seemed to gaze at something else, something far away from
this tiny apartment and perhaps far away from this world.
He bent his face downwards again to hide his disappointment, and
kissed her shoulder. Sometimes -- he never knew when -- she'd give the
tiniest of humming sighs as he touched her, as if he'd made it good for
her. Other times she made no noise or expression no matter what they
did together; those were the times when Shinji walked home conscious of
feeling unfulfilled, even if he had climaxed rubbing himself between her
breasts or in the soft valley between the cheeks of her bottom.
He gently caressed her back, feeling the tiny bumps of her vertebrae
under his fingertips. There had been times he'd woken in the night, his
dazed senses still reporting the feel and the smell and the warmth of
Rei, though she had never been there in that bed with him. When this
happened, it was never her breasts, or buttocks, or her sex whose shape
tingled in his palm. It was the sharp point of her shoulder blade he'd
recall from memory and ache for, the underside of her knee, or her
forearm just above the wrist, where the down was a silver-white
invisible against her alabaster skin.
He nuzzled the side of Rei's breast, his lips just grazing the curve
underneath, and breathed in the tantalizing scent that was strongest
there. Asuka, he knew from the mess she left behind in the bathroom,
shaved under her arms and used some sort of talc-like powder to stop any
odors from there. Rei seemed to do neither, and the scent that emanated
from among those fine wisps of hair, lavender like the hair of her head,
was rich and intoxicating. At times she seemed a ghost, pale and
insubstantial; at others, particularly when the earthy smell of her was
in his nostrils, or when as now the warm wetness of her sex was around
his fingers, she seemed more real than anything else in the world.
She breathed out, and shifted just slightly on the bed, so that his
fingers slid deeper into her. Shinji wanted to say "Thank you" but
wasn't sure how, or if, she'd react. He wondered if she would stop him
if he started to do what he'd been thinking of for the past week. Had
she ever stopped him? Not by word or gesture... but there would be the
softest exhalation of breath, the tiniest downcurve of the mouth, or a
stiffness in the posture, and Shinji had taken the message to mean
refusal. Or had he stopped himself? Had he read rejection where there
was none?
Perhaps she would like it, perhaps... "Rei?" he whispered timidly.
"Yes," she answered softly, after a few moments.
"May I... I mean, would you like me to... put my mouth on you?
There, I mean?"
She gazed off at the corner. After a while, her thighs parted, and
she put her hand on his, calmly removing his fingers from her. She
shifted forward, wiggling the juncture of her thighs over the edge of
the bed. Lying back and lifting her hips, she pushed the waistband of
her panties down, until they hugged only the lower curve of her bottom
cheeks.
Shinji blushed, and got down onto the floor, kneeling before her.
The tangy scent of Rei was stronger now, and so was his excitement,
straining in his pants. He reached up reverently, and pulled her
panties down her slim legs. Slim, pale white columns, like fallen
marble pillars on either side of a cathedral door -- there, the arched
entrance. Shutting his eyes, praying for grace, he touched his lips to
the parted, swollen doors of her passage.
She was soft inside, and wet, and warm, and salt like the ocean. He
lost himself inside, so entranced by her scent made taste upon his
tongue, all his intentions were forgotten in a delirium of licking Rei's
tender inner flesh; dimly hearing the muffled sighs and gasps, not
knowing whether they were hers or his. Finally he stopped to catch his
breath, to wait for his racing heart to regain a normal beat.
He leaned his face against Rei's soft inner thigh, and ran his
tongue over his lips, fascinated by the honey-tang that adhered to them
still. He almost missed her trembling shudder -- well, no, perhaps he
couldn't have, not with his face against her thigh, staring dreamily at
the lavender hairs turned violet in moisture. He blinked, and watched
as a second tremor ran through Rei's body. The tiny nub that had
slipped from under her clitoral hood peeped out shyly, and then pulled
back again.
Concerned, he got to his feet and studied Rei, worried. Her cheeks
burned with a crimson flush; so did the slopes of her breasts, and the
normally pallid skin between them. Her violet eyes stared upwards at
the ceiling light, her lips parted to show even white teeth clenched
together tightly. "... Ayanami?" he whispered. "Are you okay? Did
I... hurt you?" Panic struck him, and he tried to keep it under
control; he laid a hand without thinking on her belly. Under his hand,
she gave another trembling shudder, arching her back and drawing in air
between her teeth, the sound no more than a tiny hiss.
And then she breathed out, deeply, and to her face returned the
calm, impassive Rei he knew. She closed her legs, and sat up. Shinji
bit his lip, trying not to push for answers he knew she wouldn't give.
Without a trace of her earlier upheaval, she stood, and walked to her
dresser.
She returned with two moistened towelettes, and handed one to him.
Shinji knew what he was to do; he dabbed at his mouth, feeling the sting
of the astringent alcohol as it wiped away the lingering traces of Rei
around his mouth and nose and chin. Rei herself sat on the bed with her
legs open, wiping firmly around her sex. Shinji sighed, wondering what
she'd think of him if he said he wanted to be the one to clean her, to
touch her tenderly after their other acts were done. Perhaps that would
seem strange to her; he didn't know, after all, how these things were
done...
"Ikari-san."
He turned and looked at her. She still stared at the featureless
wall. "Yes, Ayanami-san?"
"You have a desire for full intercourse with me."
Shinji swallowed hard and nodded, though he wasn't sure that it was
a question. Did he see a motion of her shoulders as he admitted that
yes, he longed to dive into her cool body and share his heat with her?
"There are certain items," she said. "I know that they exist. If
you can obtain them for your use during sex, then you may have full
intercourse with me."
Shinji nodded. He knew exactly the items she referred to; had
passed them, blushing, in the aisles of the drugstore, had wondered how
anyone got up the nerve to buy such things, let alone the ones decorated
with crude boasts. He cursed himself suddenly; he'd been exploring with
Ayanami how long, and he'd never even once thought about her protection?
He was stupid; worse than that, he was useless --
"These are the items," Rei continued, in a flat voice, and proceeded
to outline exactly what she required. Shinji felt his jaw drop, and
thought his brain might try to escape through his ears, as she proceeded
to detail exactly what would and would not be suitable. After a while,
he began to write the details down on the back of a discarded envelope
-- not so much because he feared being unable to remember them later,
but unable to believe them.
_Good grief,_ he thought later, _I wish it _had_ been condoms._
***
Shinji barely picked at the instant curry that was Misato's idea of
supper. He was vaguely aware that Asuka was ragging him, maybe even
more intensely than usual, and that Misato had been giving him funny
looks all night.
But these things weren't what held his attention. His mouth chewed
mechanically as visions swirled in his head of Rei stretched out under
him, open, vulnerable, yielding. ... 'I know that they exist,' she had
said. Good grief, where had she ever learned about such things? Well,
come to think of it, where had he learned about them? He'd seen them in
a hentai manga or two... but he'd never seen Rei with a manga, or any
form of reading material, come to think of it. And while he had gotten
a look at those hentai manga at the house of a slightly older friend, he
hadn't any idea who Rei might go to to obtain --
"May I be excused from the table?" he asked, voice sounding distant
to his own ears.
"Oh, thank you for noticing we're still _here_, idiot," Asuka
snapped. "From your sparkling conversation, we thought you thought you
were dining alone."
"Thank you," Shinji answered, and left the table. He dimly heard
Misato's thoughtful snort behind him, but his mind was on other things.
In the phone nook, he opened up Misato's address book. _Ryogi,
Kaji_ read the entry, followed by a seven-digit number, and at different
times the entry had been decorated by hearts, hearts pierced by sharp
daggers, flowers and grimacing skulls, none of which had ever been fully
erased. He dialed, and waited nervously.
A hearty voice with fast cars and mountain climbing in it answered.
"Yeah?" A pause, while Shinji tried to work out what to say. "Yeah,
who's there?"
"Shinji," he managed.
"Ikari?" Kaji replied, sounding amazed. "Didn't know you had this
number... ah, but that's not important. What can I do for you,
Shinji?"
"I, uh... I actually need to get some ... things. I, uh...
they're not..."
"Not the sort of things you can ask Misato about?"
"No."
"Well, now, why don't you just tell me what you need, and we'll see
what we can do." Kaji added a laugh. "If the women can all stick
together, the men have to, in self-defense."
Shinji told him.
There was a long pause after he'd fumbled his way through the last
detail Ayanami had given him.
"Shinji... it's _you_ who needs all this?" Kaji finally replied,
voice awed with amazement.
"Well, she asked..." Shinji murmured. His face began flushing as he
trailed off. It hadn't occurred to him until now what Kaji would
think... not that he knew, but it must be pretty bad, or Kaji would be
talking to him...
"Let me think," Kaji said. Shinji waited, staring down at the phone
cradle.
"Tomorrow," Kaji said. "Call me at this time tomorrow, at this same
number, and I'll tell you what I can do."
_So ... maybe he isn't thinking what I thought he was thinking._
Shinji managed a few android pleasantries along with his sincere
thank-you, and put down the phone again. He stared at the hearts and
daggers doodled on the page. _Then what is he thinking, then? What
should he be thinking?_
***
He did not know how long he wrestled through dark clouds of unease,
until he found himself sitting on a padded bench in a monorail car,
wearing nothing. Not quite nothing, he found, reaching up to the side
of his head; nestled in his hair were the two amplifiers that amplified
his neural commands to the Evangelion unit. Smirking back at him,
sitting under a window that showed only dark emptiness beyond, was a boy
with a face that Shinji saw in the mirror each morning, wearing his own
plugsuit.
Who are you? Shinji asked.
"I am the you that exists in your mind." The boy continued to stare
at him fixedly, with an arrogant little half-smile.
Why do you wear my plugsuit? When I wear nothing? Shinji asked. He
was not cold, not even with the window at his back, but he felt exposed,
vulnerable.
"I am the you that exists in your mind," the boy said. The boy was
not wearing the neural amplifiers. "But I am a you that does not
exist."
I don't understand. Why are you--
"Do you like to watch, Shinji?"
Shinji thought about the first time he had seen Rei's body, as she
stepped from the shower naked.
"Do you like to listen?" Somehow, without moving the arms crossed
in front of him, the boy removed headphones from his pocket, and slipped
the tiny buds into his ears. The button on the SDAT player depressed,
and the faint strains of a cello closed Shinji out.
A soft thump against the window behind him made Shinji turn. Rei
Ayanami pressed against the glass on the other side of the window,
blinking sleepy, hungry sunset eyes. Her legs parted absently, fully
showing her furred sex.
Shinji turned his head, but the boy had his eyes closed, and the
headphones still on. He turned back to Ayanami and stood on the seat,
trying to make a noise that would reach beyond the window. Ayanami? he
called. Ayanami, it's me, Shinji.
She gave no indication that she heard him or could see him.
Instead, she sighed silently and closed her eyes as she pressed her
breasts to the glass, and began to rub her nipples against the smooth
surface. They hardened under this treatment, and she sped the pace at
which she moved against the glass.
Shinji put his fingers to the glass, to touch those tender nubs, but
he touched only the flat glass pane. Rei opened her mouth, gave another
silent moan of pleasure, still giving no indication that he was there.
She spread her legs widely, and began to grind her swollen mound
rhythmically against the glass; shortly, she was biting her lips and
tossing her head as her flushed lips flattened against the smooth
surface of the glass.
Shinji called again, but whatever he said, she did not hear. His
gaze dropped to the triangle between her legs. Her lower hair and her
upper thighs were dewed with glistening liquid; on Shinji's side of the
window as well, there were beaded droplets of moisture. He dropped to
his knees, kneeling on the seat, and began to lick at the moisture,
hoping for the warm taste of Rei's lubrication --
-- but no matter how he licked, the beads remained nothing but salty
condensation.
***
Shinji didn't see Ayanami in school the next day, and when he tried
to call her apartment, the ringing telephone went unanswered. When he
got home to the apartment he shared with Asuka and Misato, the Major
informed him that Ayanami had been scheduled for a special all-day
synchronization test at NERV. "Did you have something special you were
planning with her?" Misato asked. The tone was casual, but the way she
looked into his eyes before she asked was not.
"Nothing special," Shinji said without thinking. The Major seemed
satisfied by this, and went off to look for her key ring and I.D. card,
soon muttering under her breath about how they could possibly disappear
so consistently. Shinji watched her search for and eventually find both
items, and run out the door, apologizing for not cooking dinner, as she
was already late. All the while, he was thinking about what he'd told
Misato. It wasn't that he felt disturbed about lying to her -- so much
as that it had happened without conscious decision. ... which seemed,
sometimes, to be how he'd fallen into these secret sessions with
Ayanami.
Asuka suggested an early supper, and he agreed. She insisted on
cooking, though it was penciled in on the chart as his night to cook,
and produced a nice curry dish. After the dinner, she suggested a game
of chess, claiming that there was nothing on TV she wanted to watch, and
that she'd read all her books too many times already.
Shinji wondered why Asuka was being so strangely nice to him
tonight, but he was having trouble concentrating. His chess pieces were
pale marble, and their shade and sometimes shape brought vivid memories
to mind. About twenty moves into the game, he found himself rubbing the
spherical nub atop a pawn, comparing it in his mind to the nubs that
tipped Ayanami's breasts. Flushing, he moved the pawn forward.
"Stupid!" Asuka screamed, getting to her feet. Shinji looked down
at the board. The pawn's movement had put his own queen in check.
"You're not paying attention to the game. How *could* you, you -- you
--" Asuka's fists balled up. "Argh! I don't know why I even bother
trying to be nice to -- to -- to a numbskull like you!" She stomped
off, and a moment later, the door to her room slammed forcefully.
Feeling guilty, not knowing why or even understanding why Asuka was
so upset, Shinji put away the chess pieces, wrapping them in their cloth
board, and then put away all the dishes from supper. From there, he
hesitated ... and then went again to the phone nook.
Kaji answered his cell phone on the fourth ring, and once confirming
it was Shinji, named a street corner and a time to meet before hanging
up abruptly. Shinji sometimes wondered about Kaji; even at NERV, where
secretiveness was a way of life, it sometimes seemed that he must have
more or deeper secrets from the way he employed his charming style to
divert people from them.
Shinji was thinking about that when Kaji stopped his car at the
corner and motioned for him to get in, but his attention was completely
diverted when Kaji put a nylon backpack in his lap. "Look in there,"
Kaji said, and pulled away from the curb.
Shinji zipped the bag open, and blushed hard as he took out a hollow
ball made of red, hard rubber, which had a nylon strap strung through
two of the many holes that dotted its surface. "You've never worn one
of those before -- have you?" Kaji asked. Shinji shook his head, cheeks
burning. "Take a careful look at the clasp." Shinji did so. "If for
some reason you need to get it off in a hurry -- it is *you* who's
wearing it, right?"
Shinji shook his head, mute with embarrassment.
After a long silence, Kaji resumed. "Well. Then... show whoever's
wearing it... that clasp has an inset button. The gag's unlikely to
come off by accident, but when you want it off, just a touch of the
button should pop it open. There are similar buttons on the cuff
chains." Shinji dug into the backpack and pulled out four pairs of
wide, padded cuffs, and each did indeed have a release button, if you
knew where to look for it.
"There's more," said Kaji, passing a slow-moving limousine. "Reach
down farther."
Shinji did so, puzzled. What more was there? Rei hadn't asked for
anything else... He reached into the pack and came out with a pair of
little metal discs, shaped like cymbals, each attached to an elastic
loop. He vaguely remembered seeing them in a picture of a Middle
Eastern belly dancer... he slipped them onto his finger and thumb, and
chimed them experimentally.
"The finger cymbals and the gag," Kaji said, "are yours to keep.
The cuffs, I do expect back when you're done."
"The finger cymbals... what are they for?"
"Obviously, with a gag on, you can't use your safeword." Kaji
didn't take his eyes off the road; Shinji still had the impression that
Kaji was looking at him. "A safeword, as you know --" Shinji didn't --
"is the word that all partners agree on in advance, which truly means
'Stop' regardless of what games are being played."
"Oh."
"After all, you always want to be listening to what your partner
wants, right? Even if it's only coming as a chime of cymbals."
Some sort of response seemed to be expected to this. Shinji nodded,
slightly, and said yes.
After a while, Kaji continued, as if making small talk of things
they both knew. "These things -- these add spice between a man and
woman. But of course, you can't have just spice, can you? Spice has to
go on something."
"Yes, I -- I see that's so."
"Ah, but surely whoever you're using these things with knows that."
Kaji slowed the car as they reached the corner of Shinji's block.
Shinji slowly opened the door and stepped onto the curb, watching the
sun set over the horizon and thinking of Rei's eyes. Kaji leaned towards
the passenger side to pull the door shut, and looked up at Shinji. "You
will call me if anything goes -- that is, whenever you're finished with
the items?"
Shinji blushed and nodded. Kaji wished him a good night and good
luck before his car door closed and the car rolled away.
***
There were no windows in Rei's apartment. Intellectually, Shinji
knew that it must be still light out, but with no light but a vanilla
candle he'd brought burning atop Rei's dresser, he could believe that
they had chosen the darkest hour of night for this exploration.
Shinji finished undressing Rei by pulling off her light blue socks,
and placing them in the pile that held the rest of her clothes. Around
each pale, delicate ankle, he fastened a cuff, and tested the slack in
each chain, to see that it was as taut as Ayanami had instructed.
The soft glow of the candle painted her spread-eagled body a shade
of cream, a sculpture nestled in the rumpled sheets. She should have
been a study in light and shadow, of pale tones set off by touches of
gray in the hollows of her body, lavender hair lightened by the
candlelight, garnet flickers as she blinked. The effects was ruined by
the dull black sheen of the cuffs and by the angry red of the ball gag
that forced her jaws apart.
Feeling his naked hardness grow as he watched her, Shinji came
around to the side of the bed, and sat beside her, unable to keep his
eyes from running over every inch of her that was laid out for his
inspection. And, well, why should he? Wasn't that what she wanted
these things for? He'd wondered what the appeal of such gear and such
games could be, and now he wondered how he could have wondered. Amazed
at his own daring, he ran his fingertips along her inner thigh from knee
to parted lips, and was rewarded by the involuntary shiver that ran
through her.
He bent closer, putting her naked skin a bare inch from his eyes and
nose and tongue. The curve of her breast excited him, but so did the
line along her rib cage and down to her hip. He licked his way along
that line and back again, flicking his tongue across the smooth muscle
above her underarm, trapped taut by the chain that held her arm above
her head. His hand caressed the tiny rise along her side. _I could be
the only one who knows that Rei has this tiny love handle,_ he thought,
and the thought aroused him immensely.
He mouthed his way up from Rei's arm to the snowy hillock of her
breast, pale nipple already pointing up at his descending mouth. It
slid along his tongue, and he suddenly discovered he needed to bring his
hand down to stroke his erection, which was almost painfully pleading to
be stimulated. He opened his mouth wider over Rei's warm breast, and
moaned as his erection thrilled to the few rough strokes he gave it.
The short sound by his ear surprised him; he hadn't realized that
such an in-drawing of breath would whistle passing through the narrow
air holes in the gag. He raised his head to look at Rei; he longed to
see the same pleasure in her eyes as he was feeling now.
Her eyes merely stared half-lidded at the ceiling, and though he
could hear her soft exhale through the gag as well, there was no
information in it for him. He paused, waiting for something more;
nothing more except the occasional blink of her lashes. He felt his
member, previously insistent, sagging disappointed into his encircling
hand. Laying his head along Ayanami's side, he suddenly realized that
he felt the way he had piloting an Evangelion for the first time: not
knowing what he should do, not sure he could do it even if he knew -- he
was fully limp now -- filled with resentment both against his own
inability and against whoever had forced him into the situation where he
confronted it. Except ... now only he had done this to himself, no one
else.
_But of course, you can't have just spice, can you?_
He lifted his head. If he couldn't... if he couldn't do it one
way, he'd do it another. He looked down to the footboard of the bed,
decided that he would be far too uncomfortable trying to lean or lie
over it, and instead he lay his body alongside Rei's, snuggling closer
until her breast nestled against his belly. Putting his mouth to the
curve of her hip, he kissed his way along the shadowed crease, kissing
and licking down to her furred mound. The closer he got, the more he
could smell her own spicy scent mingling with the vanilla in the air...
and as he caressed and smoothed down her soft cloud of pubic hair off to
the side, in preparation for delving into her with his tongue, her legs
twitched as far apart as they could, within the limit of the chains.
Inside her sex, his tongue delved into wet honey, and this time,
with his skin pressed to hers, he could feel her trembling under him.
When his tongue-tip licked a slow circle inside her, there was no
mistaking the shudder that ran through her. He held, squeezed, caressed
her buttocks in his hands and he could feel her frantic efforts to arch
her pelvis up to his mouth. He straddled her torso and brought his
mouth down closer to her sex, so that his tongue could go deeper between
her wet, swollen petals; he thought he heard frantic, muffled moans
behind him as he spread his mouth wide over her whole sex and gently
sucked. He hoped that she might feel his re-hardening against her skin
and massage it between her breasts, until he remembered that she was
bound. He reached down and pushed his rigid manhood down, stroking the
swollen head against each soft globe in turn; his hardness made it
painful to push so far down but his excitement made even the pain
pleasurable.
He continued to taste of her until his tongue ached from exertion.
He had stopped rubbing his erection when he felt himself nearing the
point of no return, and had slowly let the internal pressure subside (no
matter how frantically his hungry stiffness ached, demanding release now
now now now) lifting his lower body away to prevent accidents (no matter
how it tried to control his muscles and make him thrust against her skin
for that last bit of friction yes yes yes).
Now he turned himself carefully around, until his still-hard cock
pressed to the slick, soaked lips of her sex. As he lowered his body
onto hers, he brushed her hard nipples with the backs of his fingers,
bent his head to give each of them a small kiss. "Rei?" he whispered.
"Are you ... ready?" He looked up into her eyes. They stared back at
him, shadows hiding any expression they might have given. He waited for
some sign, but he heard nothing, not even a sigh.
_Do you like to listen?_
He reached out to caress her cheek, pinioned under the wide strap of
the gag. He gently tucked a stray lock of blue hair back behind her
ear. "... Ayanami? Are you ready?" Surely she must want him to; she
had invited... no, allowed him to... "I don't want to hurt you, by ...
doing it when you're not ready..." Something about her silence
disturbed him... he looked at her clenched fists, , and realized that
the fingers he'd slipped the black elastics of the finger cymbals were
now bare... From the way her fingers whitened as she clenched, she'd
slipped them off and into her palm. "Please ... Do you still want me
to ... go inside you?"
Her hips bucked against him, and the sudden wet friction that
traveled up his shaft electrified him into action. It meant yes, he
decided, yes it must mean yes, and he reached down hurriedly to position
himself for entry into her. Would it please her? It had to be enough
to please her; it was the longest and thickest and stiffest he'd ever
been... He had to crouch back, like a lion ready to pounce, in order to
fit his flushed, flared head to her wet lips...
He pushed forward, and felt a velvet glove of muscle travel down
over his shaft, down to the very hilt.
He couldn't know if she, too, cried out in the same moment; he only
knew that his own spine seemed struck with lightning and that he'd cried
out, not in pleasure or pain so much as pure release. He arched his
back, shivering as a thousand lesser waves of sensation washed over
him...
and then it struck him. _I'm inside someone. Fully._ Awed by the
enormity, he cautiously rolled his hips from side-to-side, turning his
shaft inside its sheath without pulling out. _I'm having sex... full
sexual intercourse. For the very first time. Wait... the first time
for me... for Rei? Is it... it *is* her first, too, isn't it?_
He looked down at Rei again, but this time her eyes were tightly
closed... as tightly closed as her fists, as sealed as her lips were
around the dark red sphere. Her breath rasped noisily through the gag
as her chest rose and fell, but there was no way of knowing what it
contained for him.
He pulled back slightly, shivering as the cool air hit the inch or
so of his shaft that the movement exposed; he reversed and sunk in
again. Rei's muscles contracted around him, and her body shuddered
under his... but where was she? Did she tremble in love, or lust, or
fear, or revulsion?
_Spice has to go on something. Ah, but surely whoever you're using
these things with knows that._
Surely he was pleasing her... giving her what she wanted. He had
done what she asked for... wasn't this what she wanted? This was the
way she wanted to do this... with eyes closed, with limbs pinioned,
with mouth bound...
_After all, you always want to be listening to what your partner
wants, right? Even if it's only coming as a chime of cymbals._ Licking
at a pane of glass, the taste nothing but salt condensation.
Shinji stretched out fully along the length of Rei's body, putting
most of his weight on one elbow as the other hand slid softly along her
pale, outstretched arm. Her eyes didn't flash open in alarm until his
thumb pressed the inset release button on the chain, and the cuff popped
open. She moaned in muffled dismay and shook her head from side to
side, but the motion turned into a writhe; the fingers of her freed hand
fluttered helplessly for the out-of-reach bedpost, and then reached down
to clutch Shinji's shoulder blade.
Those fingers tightened, the nails digging into his skin, as he
stretched forth to release her other wrist. Rei let out a long gasp as
he dug into the bed with his toes, stretching fully; he could feel his
pelvic bone pressing down on her hot and swollen mound as he reached a
little farther, a little farther, and then the dark dull band gave up
her thin wrist, stark white where it had been bound. Her arms wrapped
around his torso; her closed fist pressed into the small of his back as
she arched her pelvis up towards him.
Her long lashes fluttered at him as he rolled his hips, pumping his
shaft gently in and out of her, and caressed her cheek. But when his
fingers continued along the nylon strap, towards the release catch, her
eyes shut tight and even through the gag, the moan of 'no... no...' was
audible.
Shinji pressed the button anyways, and gently pulled free the cruel
nylon strap. He kissed the marks it had made on either cheek, until her
jaws relaxed and released the perforated rubber ball. The tiny gasp she
let out into his ear hit the right frequencies to send chills up his
spine; she clutched him tight as his penis descended into her again.
Her tongue dove into his mouth, exploring forcefully; one arm wrapped
around his shoulders to keep his mouth to hers, and the nails of the
other hand raked his back in long scratches that only stimulated him
more. Finally, Rei's head dropped back on the pillow. "F-fuck me,
Shinji," she gasped. "Fuck my h-hole, fuck me..."
With that, he couldn't keep any longer to the shallow strokes with
which he'd been trying to make himself last; he pulled out almost
entirely and thrust back again. Rei screeched with delirious passion
and writhed under him; her legs seemed to strain at their bonds with the
attempt to lift and wrap around his hips. Instead, both hands grabbed
helplessly at his back, sharp nails and round edges of the finger chimes
scraping his skin, as he lifted again and pushed back into her.
"Sh-shin... fuck me, f-fuck, fuck..." Her head lifted and her teeth
dug into the muscle between his neck and shoulder. Shinji cried out
loud, but the discovery that the pain was exciting drove him over the
edge, left him with only the goal to do as Rei had commanded, to fuck,
to fuck her hard, to fuck her hole again and again with his hard prick,
to fuck her senseless, to fuck her until they both came.
Her body shook, the bedsprings screeched, from the violence of his
thrusts. Her teeth remained locked on his muscle, but her hands clawed
at his back as if scrabbling for purchase. He pumped into her
furiously, grunting as the rough friction seemed to rocket through his
nerves. He'd never felt so alive.
With each thrust into Rei's wet willing cunt, the pressure inside
him had built up again, until once more the odd floating sensation
inside his balls told him that the floodgates were about to open, and
once they opened, nothing would stop their release. He didn't intend to
stop; he had no reason to stop; he reached up and pushed Rei away from
his shoulder and down onto the bed. She stared up at him, a panting
wild animal caught in the fever of rut. He put his hands down, trapping
her shoulders, pinning her under his weight, and stared into her wild
eyes. "Rei," he said.
Her mouth opened to let out a high-pitched wail; she arched her
pelvis up to meet his body, and deliberately, forcefully, he thrust
himself into her, again and again and again... "Sh-shin! Coming,
c-come, coming, Shinji, come in me..." Her voice rose again in a wail
as her head tossed; his thrusting cock found itself gripped hard by a
spasmodic contraction of her sex, and his flood of liquid loosed itself
inside her. Wave after wave of pent-up juice spurted deep in his
lover's belly, and she made soft cries under him, body shaking as she
was overtaken by her own climax.
Once the last jet of liquid spurted from him, Shinji felt drained,
as if all his energy had gone with it. He dropped his head, resting it
on Rei's shoulder; he could hear her still-racing heart and the heavy
pant of her breath. In the calm after the storm, he became aware of all
the scrapes and scratches that had been dug into his back, and winced at
the sting as the salt sweat he was coated in trickled into the broken
skin. He closed his eyes, understanding now why climax had been called
'little death' or 'sweet death' in some languages... it was this
stillness, this peace, sweet in its cessation of worry.
Rei's fingers brushed his bangs back from his forehead, and twined
briefly in the short hair at the nape of his neck. Shinji sighed and
kissed the sweat on Rei's skin, nuzzling her. When her hands moved to
his shoulder and began pushing, he realized that if he was pressed close
enough to her to feel her shudders through his entire body, his weight
on her might be too much. He struggled to get his arms underneath him,
so he could lift himself. As he pushed himself to hands and knees, his
softening shaft slid free from Rei's warmth; he looked up, into her
sunset eyes.
He had just enough time to see the angry tears glistening there
before her open hand caught him on the side of the face. Painful stars
exploded silently in his field of vision. The finger chimes clinked
against each other as they fell from her hand; Shinji put his hand to
his cheek and felt tricking liquid where the chimes had cut him.
He stared at Rei, sitting there with her mouth clamped tightly shut,
anger burning in her eyes, chest hitching with angry sobs. She opened
the fists her small hands were balled in, and shoved him. "Rei," Shinji
whispered, barely believing this, "why? What did I do wrong?"
She ignored him, and stretched forward, bending towards her ankle.
When she couldn't reach, she spread her legs further and pushed herself
further down the bed. Her flushed womanhood was exposed to Shinji, and
her breasts brushed against his chest as she reached brusquely past him,
but he made no move to touch them. The cuff that held one ankle opened,
and she leaned back again. "Ayanami," he asked, quietly, "what did I...
what did I do wrong?"
She looked at him with narrowed, glistening eyes. "Go away, Third
Child," she said. Her shoulder hit him in the upper half of the rib
cage as she leaned towards the other ankle. Shinji dropped his gaze,
and found himself looking at her bare back, at the soft bumps of each of
her vertebrae, tiny rises he had caressed, had kissed.
"I only wanted to make you happy," Shinji murmured. His fingers
brushed the hair that lay matted with perspiration at the back of her
neck.
Rei sat up. Her face went blank of expression, a transformation
that happened before his eyes. Her head lifted; her gaze went level and
she stared at the wall, or perhaps through it. Her shoulders, which had
been drawn in tight, relaxed and seemed to be forgotten. Shinji reached
out to touch her as she pulled up her legs and turned so that she sat
sideways on the bed. Instead, he let his hand drop to his side.
She had become as separate from him as if a sheet of plate glass had
been abruptly dropped between them. She stood, and walked over to the
bureau, as though she were no longer conscious of his presence in the
room, or even perhaps her own. A dark shadow with a halo that flickered
as the candle did, she pulled open the top drawer and pulled out a
towelette. She opened its foil packet, scrubbed at her eyes with the
alcohol-soaked paper, and let it drop to the floor. She opened another,
and scrubbed at her hands, long and hard. When she dropped it to the
floor, and opened another towelette to keep scrubbing at her hands,
Shinji let his head drop between his pulled-up knees.
He had failed, when he thought he had found the way to succeed.
What had Kaji said? That he should always be listening, to hear what
Rei wanted. It had never occurred to him that she might not want him to
listen.
***
The monorail car was nearly deserted at this time of night. An
automated voice announced the districts they were passing through, those
they would and would not stop at. Shinji stared at the window; he could
not prove any of it, because he saw nothing outside the window but
darkness. He pressed his face to the window and let the salt tears run
down the glass.
THE END
*****************************************************************************
This story is not in the public domain.
The rights to redistribute this story by electronic or other means
for non-profit purposes is freely granted, as long as it is distributed
intact, including these notices.
Distribution of this story for profit is expressly prohibited.
The practice of altering this story, including but not limited to
appending 'continuations,' is expressly prohibited.
* -jc IS *NOW* feldspar@cryogen.com
* Home page: http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/afeldspar/www/index.html
* The home of >>Failed Pilots Playhouse<<
* "Better you hold me close than understand..." Thomas Dolby
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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