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Subject: {ASSM} Fanny Hill
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This is one of the classic pieces of erotica.  Does anyone have any similar 
books to post?
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<1st attachment, "FANNY HILL.txt" begin>

This text was digitized (typed by hand) by Ted & Florence
Daniel New Wave Publishers 2103 N.  Liberty Street Portland OR
97217-4971 BBS: (503) 286-5577.  This text is in the public domain.

FANNY HILL

MEMOIRS OF A WOMAN OF PLEASURE

c 1749

by John Cleland

Letter The First

Madam,

I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my considering
your desires as indispensable orders.  Ungracious then as the task
may be, I shall recall to view those scandalous stages of my life, out
of which I emerg'd, at length, to the enjoyment of every blessing in
the power of love, health, and fortune to bestow; whilst yet in the
flower of youth, and not too late to employ the leisure afforded me
by great ease and affluence, to cultivate an understanding, naturally
not a despicable one, and which had, even amidst the whirl of loose
pleasures I had been tost in, exerted more observation on the
characters and manners of the world than what is common to those
of my unhappy profession, who looking on all thought or reflection
as their capital enemy, keep it at as great a distance as they can, or
destroy it without mercy.

Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary preface, I shall
give you good quarter in this, and use no farther apology, than to
prepare you for seeing the loose part of my life, wrote with the same
liberty that I led it.

Truth! stark, naked truth, is the word; and I will not so much as
take the pains to bestow the strip of a gauze wrapper on it, but paint
situations such as they actually rose to me in nature, careless of
violating those laws of decency that were never made for such
unreserved intimacies as ours; and you have too much sense, too
much knowledge of the ORIGINALS themselves, to sniff prudishly
and out of character at the PICTURES of them.  The greatest men,
those of the first and most leading taste, will not scruple adorning
their private closets with nudities, though, in compliance with
vulgar prejudices, they may not think them decent decorations of
the staircase, or salon.

This, and enough, premised, I go souse into my personal history.
My maiden name was Frances Hill.  I was born at a small village
near Liverpool, in Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I
piously believe, extremely honest.

My father, who had received a maim on his limbs that disabled
him from following the more laborious branches of country-
drudgery, got, by making of nets, a scanty subsistence, which was
not much enlarg'd by my mother's keeping a little day-school for the
girls in her neighbourhood.  They had had several children; but
none lived to any age except myself, who had received from nature
a constitution perfectly healthy.

My education, till past fourteen, was no better than very vulgar;
reading, or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a little ordinary
plain work composed the whole system of it; and then all my
foundation in virtue was no other than a total ignorance of vice, and
the shy timidity general to our sex, in the tender stage of life when
objects alarm or frighten more by their novelty than anything else.
But then, this is a fear too often cured at the expence of innocence,
when Miss, by degrees, begins no longer to look on a man as a
creature of prey that will eat her.

My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between her
scholars and her little domestic cares, that she had spared very little
of it to my instruction, having, from her own innocence from all ill,
no hint or thought of guarding me against any.

I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst of ills
befell me in the loss of my tender fond parents, who were both
carried off by the small-pox, within a few days of each other; my
father dying first, and thereby hastening the death of my mother; so
that I was now left an unhappy friendless orphan (for my father's
coming to settle there was accidental, he being originally a
Kentishman).   That cruel distemper which had proved so fatal to
them, had indeed seized me, but with such mild and favourable
symptoms, that I was presently out of danger, and, what I then did
not know the value of, was entirely unmark'd.  I skip over here an
account of the natural grief and affliction which I felt on this
melancholy occasion.  A little time, and the giddiness of that age
dissipated, too soon, my reflections on that irreparable loss; but
nothing contributed more to reconcile me to it, than the notions that
were immediately put into my head, of going to London, and
looking out for a service, in which I was promised all assistance and
advice from one Esther Davis, a young woman that had been down
to see her friends, and who, after the stay of a few days, was to
return to her place.

As I had now nobody left alive in the village who had concern
enough about what should become of me to start any objections to
this scheme, and the woman who took care of me after my parents;
death rather encouraged me to pursue it, I soon came to a resolution
of making this launch into the wide world, by repairing to London,
in order to SEEK MY FORTUNE, a phrase which, by the bye, has
ruined more adventurers of both sexes, from the country, than ever
it made or advanced.

Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspirit me to venture
with her, by piquing my childish curiosity with the fine sights that
were to be seen in London: the Tombs, the Lions, the King, the
Royal Family, the fine Plays and Operas, and, in short, all the
diversions which fell within her sphere of life to come at; the detail
of all which perfectly turn'd the little head of me.

Nor can I remember, without laughing, the innocent admiration,
not without a spice of envy, with which we poor girls, whose
church-going clothes did not rise above dowlass shifts and stuff
gowns, beheld Esther's scowered satin gowns, caps border'd with
an inch of lace, taudry ribbons, and shoes belaced with silver: all
which we imagined grew in London, and entered for a great deal
into my determination of trying to come in for my share of them.

The idea however of having the company of a townswoman with
her, was the trivial, and all the motives that engaged Esther to take
charge of me during my journey to town, where she told me, after
her manner and style, "as how several maids out of the country had
made themselves and all their kin for ever: that by preserving their
VIRTUE, some had taken so with their masters, that they had
married them, and kept them coaches, and lived vastly grand and
happy; and some, may-hap, came to be Duchesses; luck was all, and
why not I, as well as another?"; with other almanacs to this purpose,
which set me a tip-toe to begin this promising journey, and to leave
a place which, though my native one, contained no relations that I
had reason to regret, and was grown insupportable to me, from the
change of the tenderest usage into a cold air of charity, with which I
was entertain'd even at the only friend's house that I had the least
expectation of care and protection from.  She was, however, so just
to me, as to manage the turning into money of the little matters that
remained to me after the debts and burial charges were accounted
for, and, at my departure, put my whole fortune into my hands;
which consisted of a very slender wardrobe, pack'd up in a very
portable box, and eight guineas, with seventeen shillings in silver;
stowed up in a spring-pouch, which was a greater treasure than
ever I had yet seen together, and which I could not conceive there
was a possibility of running out; and indeed, I was so entirely taken
up with the joy of seeing myself mistress of such an immense sum,
that I gave very little attention to a world of good advice which was
given me with it.

Places, then, being taken for Esther and me in the London
waggon, I pass over a very immaterial scene of leavetaking, at
which I dropt a few tears betwixt grief and joy; and, for the same
reasons of insignificance, skip over all that happened to me on the
road, such as the waggoner's looking liquorish on me, the schemes
laid for me by some of the passengers, which were defeated by the
vigilance of my guardian Esther; who, to do her justice, took a
motherly care of me, at the same time that she taxed me for her
protection by making me bear all travelling charges, which I
defrayed with the utmost cheerfulness, and thought myself much
obliged to her into the bargain.

She took indeed great care that we were not over-rated, or
imposed on, as well as of managing as frugally as possible;
expensiveness was not her vice.

It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached
London-town, in our slow conveyance, though drawn by six at
length.  As we passed through the greatest streets that led to our
inn, the noise of the coaches, the hurry, the crowds of foot
passengers, in short, the new scenery of the shops and houses, at
once pleased and amazed me.

But guess at my mortification and surprize when we came to the
inn, and our things were landed and deliver'd to us, when my
fellow traveller and protectress, Esther Davis, who had used me
with the utmost tenderness during the journey, and prepared me by
no preceding signs for the stunning blow I was to receive, when I
say, my only dependence and friend, in this strange place, all of a
sudden assumed a strange and cool air towards me, as if she
dreaded my becoming a burden to her.

Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of her assistance
and good offices, which I relied upon, and never more wanted, she
thought herself, it seems, abundantly acquitted of her engagements
to me, by having brought me safe to my journey's end; and seeing
nothing in her procedure towards me but what was natural and in
order, began to embrace me by way of taking leave, whilst I was so
confounded, so struck, that I had not spirit or sense enough so
much as to mention my hopes or expectations from her experience,
and knowledge of the place she had brought me to.

Whilst I stood thus stupid and mute, which she doubtless
attributed to nothing more than a concern at parting, this idea
procured me perhaps a slight alleviation of it, in the following
harangue: That now we were got safe to London, and that she was
obliged to go to her place, she advised me by all means to get into
one as soon as possible; that I need not fear getting one; there were
more places than parish-churches; that she advised me to go to an
intelligence office; that if she heard of any thing stirring, she would
find me out and let me know; that in the meantime, I should take a
private lodging, and acquaint her where to send to me; that she
wish'd me good luck, and hoped I should always have the grace to
keep myself honest, and not bring a disgrace on my parentage.
With this, she took her leave of me, and left me, as it were, on my
own hands, full as lightly as I had been put into hers.

Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless, I began then
to feel most bitterly the severity of this separation, the scene of
which had passed in a little room in the inn; and no sooner was her
back turned, but the affliction I felt at my helpless strange
circumstances burst out into a flood of tears, which infinitely
relieved the oppression of my heart; though I still remained
stupefied, and most perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of myself.

One of the waiters coming in, added yet more to my uncertainty
by asking me, in a short way, if I called for anything? to which I
replied innocently: "No." But I wished him to tell me where I might
get a lodging for that night.  He said he would go and speak to his
mistress, who accordingly came, and told me drily, without
entering in the least into the distress she saw me in, that I might
have a bed for a shilling, and that, as she supposed I had some
friends in town (here I fetched a deep sigh in vain!) I might provide
for myself in the morning.

'Tis incredible what trifling consolations the human mind will
seize in its greatest afflictions.  The assurance of nothing more than
a bed to lie on that night, calmed my agonies; and being asham'd to
acquaint the mistress of the inn that I had no friends to apply to in
town, I proposed to myself to proceed, the very next morning, to an
intelligence office, to which I was furnish'd with written directions
on the back of a ballad Esther had given me.  There I counted on
getting information of any place that such a country girl as I might
be fit for, and where I could get into any sort of being, before my
little stock should be consumed; and as to a character, Esther had
often repeated to me that I might depend on her managing me one;
nor, however affected I was at her leaving me thus, did I entirely
cease to rely on her, as I began to think, good-naturedly, that her
procedure was all in course, and that it was only my ignorance of
life that had made me take it in the light I at first did.

Accordingly, the next morning I dress'd myself as clean and as
neat as my rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my
box, with special recommendation, with the landlady, I ventured
out by myself, and without any more difficulty than can be
supposed of a young country girl, barely fifteen, and to whom every
sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to the wish'd-for intelligence
office.  It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt of
custom, with a book before her in great form and order, and several
scrolls, ready made out, of directions for places.

I made up then to this important personage, without lifting up
my eyes or observing any of the people round me, who were
attending there on the same errand as myself, and dropping her
curtsies nine-deep, just made a shift to stammer out my business to
her.

Madam having heard me out, with all the gravity and brow of a
petty minister of State, and seeing at one glance over my figure
what I was, made me no answer, but to ask me the preliminary
shilling, on receipt of which she told me places for women were
exceedingly scarce, especially as I seemed too slight built for hard
work; but that she would look over her book, and see what was to
be done for me, desiring me to stay a little till she had dispatched
some other customers.

On this I drew back a little, most heartily mortified at a
declaration which carried with it a killing uncertainty that my
circumstances could not well endure.

Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversion
from my uneasy thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little, and
sent my eyes on a course round the room, wherein they met full tilt
with those of a lady (for such my extreme innocence pronounc'd
her) sitting in a corner of the room, dress'd in a velvet mantle (nota
bene, in the midst of summer), with her bonnet off; squab-fat, red-
faced, and at least fifty.

She look'd as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring at
me from head to foot, without the least regard to the confusion and
blushes her eyeing me so fixedly put me to, and which were to her,
no doubt, the strongest recommendation and marks of my being fit
for her purpose.  After a little time, in which my air, person and
whole figure had undergone a strict examination, which I had, on
my part, tried to render favourable to me, by primming, drawing
up my neck, and setting my best looks, she advanced and spoke to
me with the greatest demureness:

"Sweet-heart, do you want a place?"

"Yes, and please you" (with a curtsy down to the ground).

Upon this she acquainted me that she was actually come to the
office herself to look out for a servant; that she believed I might do,
with a little of her instructions; that she could take my very looks
for a sufficient character; that London was a very wicked, vile place;
that she hoped I would be tractable, and keep out of bad company;
in short, she said all to me that an old experienced practitioner in
town could think of, and which was much more than was necessary
to take in an artless inexperienced country-maid, who was even
afraid of becoming a wanderer about the streets, and therefore
gladly jump'd at the first offer of a shelter, especially from so grave
and matron-like a lady, for such my flattering fancy assured me this
new mistress of mine was; I being actually hired under the nose of
the good woman that kept the office, whose shrewd smiles and
shrugs I could not help observing, and innocently interpreted them
as marks of her being pleased at my getting into place so soon; but,
as I afterwards came to know, these BELDAMS understood one
another very well, and this was a market where Mrs.  Brown, my
mistress, frequently attended, on the watch for any fresh goods that
might offer there, for the use of her customers, and her own profit.

Madam was, however, so well pleased with her bargain, that
fearing, I presume, lest better advice or some accident might
occasion my slipping through her fingers, she would officiously take
me in a coach to my inn, where, calling herself for my box, it was, I
being present, delivered without the least scruple or explanation as
to where I was going.

This being over, she bid the coachman drive to a shop in St.
Paul's Churchyard, where she bought a pair of gloves, which she
gave me, and thence renewed her directions to the coachman to
drive to her house in *** street, who accordingly landed us at her
door, after I had been cheer'd up and entertain'd by the way with
the most plausible flams, without one syllable from which I could
conclude anything but that I was, by the greatest good luck, fallen
into the hands of the kindest mistress, not to say friend, that the
varsal world could afford; and accordingly I enter'd her doors with
most compleat confidence and exultation, promising myself that, as
soon as I should be a little settled, I would acquaint Esther Davis
with my rare good fortune.

You may be sure the good opinion of my place was not lessen'd
by the appearance of a very handsome back parlour, into which I
was led and which seemed to me magnificently furnished, who had
never seen better rooms than the ordinary ones in inns upon the
road.  There were two gilt pierglasses, and a buffet, on which a few
pieces of plates, set out to the most shew, dazzled, and altogether
persuaded me that I must be got into a very reputable family.

Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that I must
have good spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not
taken me to be a common servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to
be a kind of companion to her; and that if I would be a good girl,
she would do more than twenty mothers for me; to all which I
answered only by the profoundest and the awkwardest curtsies,
and a few monosyllables, such as "yes! no! to be sure!"

Presently my mistress touch'd the bell, and in came a strapping
maid-servant, who had let us in.  "Here, Martha, " said Mrs.
Brown--"I have just hir'd this young woman to look after my linen;
so step up and shew her her chamber; and I charge you to use her
with as much respect as you would myself, for I have taken a
prodigious liking to her, and I do not know what I shall do for her."

Martha, who was an arch-jade, and, being used to this decoy,
had her cue perfect, made me a kind of half curtsy, and asked me to
walk up with her; and accordingly shew'd me a neat room, two pair
of stairs backwards, in which there was a handsome bed, where
Martha told me I was to lie with a young gentlewoman, a cousin of
my mistress's, who she was sure would be vastly good to me.  Then
she ran out into such affected encomiums on her good mistress! her
sweet mistress! and how happy I was to light upon her! that I could
not have bespoke a better; with other the like gross stuff, such as
would itself have started suspicions in any but such an unpractised
simpleton, who was perfectly new to life, and who took every word
she said in the very sense she laid out for me to take it; but she
readily saw what a penetration she had to deal with, and measured
me very rightly in her manner of whistling to me, so as to make me
pleased with my cage, and blind to the wires.

In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of my
future service, we were rung for down again, and I was
reintroduced into the same parlour, where there was a table laid
with three covers; and my mistress had now got with her one of her
favourite girls, a notable manager of her house, and whose business
it was to prepare and break such young fillies as I was to the
mounting-block; and she was accordingly, in that view, allotted me
for a bed-fellow; and, to give her the more authority, she had the
title of cousin conferr'd on her by the venerable president of this
college.

Here I underwent a second survey, which ended in the full
approbation of Mrs.  Phoebe Ayres, the name of my tutoress elect,
to whose care and instructions I was affectionately recommended.

Dinner was now set on table, and in pursuance of treating me as
a companion, Mrs.  Brown, with a tone to cut off all dispute, soon
over-rul'd my most humble and most confused protestations
against sitting down with her LADYSHIP, which my very short
breeding just suggested to me could not be right, or in the order of
things.

At table, the conversation was chiefly kept up by the two
madams, and carried on in double-meaning expressions,
interrupted every now and then by kind assurance to me, all
tending to confirm and fix my satisfaction with my present
condition: augment it they could not, so very a novice was I then.

It was here agreed that I should keep myself up and out of sight
for a few days, till such cloaths could be procured for me as were fit
for the character I was to appear in, of my mistress's companion,
observing withal, that on the first impressions of my figure much
might depend; and, as they well judged, the prospect of exchanging
my country cloaths for London finery, made the clause of
confinement digest perfectly well with me.  But the truth was, Mrs.
Brown did not care that I should be seen or talked to by any, either
of her customers, or her DOES (as they call'd the girls provided for
them), till she had secured a good market for my maidenhead,
which I had at least all the appearances of having brought into her
LADYSHIP'S service.

To slip over minutes of no importance to the main of my story, I
pass the interval to bed-time, in which I was more and more pleas'd
with the views that opened to me, of an easy service under these
good people; and after supper being shew'd up to bed, Miss Phoebe,
who observed a kind of reluctance in me to strip and go to bed, in
my shift, before her, now the maid was withdrawn, came up to me,
and beginning with unpinning my handkerchief and gown, soon
encouraged me to go on with undressing myself; and, still blushing
at now seeing myself naked to my shift, I hurried to get under the
bedcloaths out of sight.  Phoebe laugh'd and was not long before she
placed herself by my side.  She was about five and twenty, by her
most suspicious account, in which, according to all appearances, she
must have sunk at least ten good years; allowance, too, being made
for the havoc which a long course of hackneyship and hot waters
must have made of her constitution, and which had already brought
on, upon the spur, that stale stage in which those of her profession
are reduced to think of SHOWING company, instead of SEEING it.

No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress's laid
down, but she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of
lewdness presented itself, turned to me, embraced and kiss'd me
with great eagerness.  This was new, this was odd; but imputing it
to nothing but pure kindness, which, for aught I knew, it might be
the London way to express in that manner, I was determin'd not to
be behind hand with her, and returned her the kiss and embrace,
with all the fervour that perfect innocence knew.

Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and
wander'd over my whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures,
that rather warm'd and surpriz'd me with their novelty, than they
either shock'd or alarm'd me.

The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions,
contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and, knowing
no ill, I feared none, especially from one who had prevented all
doubt of her womanhood by conducting my hands to a pair of
breasts that hung loosely down, in a size and volume that full
sufficiently distinguished her sex, to me at least, who had never
made any other comparison...

I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst her
freedom raised no other emotions but those of a strange, and, till
then, unfelt pleasure.  Every part of me was open and exposed to
the licentious courses of her hands, which, like a lambent fire, ran
over my whole body, and thaw'd all coldness as they went.

My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard, firm,
rising hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, or signify
anything to the touch, employ'd and amus'd her hands a-while, till,
slipping down lower, over a smooth track, she could just feel the
soft silky down that had but a few months before put forth and
garnish'd the mount-pleasant of those parts, and promised to
spread a grateful shelter over the seat of the most exquisite
sensation, and which had been, till that instant, the seat of the most
insensible innocence.  Her fingers play'd and strove to twine in the
young tendrils of that moss, which nature has contrived at once for
use and ornament.

But, not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the
main spot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force
an introduction of a finger into the quick itself, in such a manner,
that had she not proceeded by insensible gradations that inflamed
me beyond the power of modesty to oppose its resistance to their
progress, I should have jump'd out of bed and cried for help against
such strange assaults.

Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a new
fire that wanton'd through all my veins, but fix'd with violence in
that center appointed them by nature, where the first strange hands
were now busied in feeling, squeezing, compressing the lips, then
opening them again, with a finger between, till an "Oh!" express'd
her hurting me, where the narrowness of the unbroken passage
refused it entrance to any depth.

In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretchings,
sighs, short heavings, all conspired to assure that experienced
wanton that I was more pleased than offended at her proceedings,
which she seasoned with repeated kisses and exclamations, such as
"Oh! what a charming creature thou art!...What a happy man will he
be that first makes a woman of you!...Oh! that I were a man for your
sake!...with the like broken expressions, interrupted by kisses as
fierce and fervent as ever I received from the other sex.

For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself;
feelings so new were too much for me.  My heated and alarm'd
senses were in a tumult that robbed me of all liberty of thought;
tears of pleasure gush'd from my eyes, and somewhat assuaged the
fire that rag'd all over me.

Phoebe, herself, the hackney'd, thorough-bred Phoebe, to whom
all modes and devices of pleasure were known and familiar, found,
it seems, in this exercise of her art to break young girls, the
gratification of one of those arbitrary tastes, for which there is no
accounting.  Not that she hated men, or did not even prefer them to
her own sex; but when she met with such occasions as this was, a
satiety of enjoyments in the common road, perhaps too, a secret
bias, inclined her to make the most of pleasure, wherever she could
find it, without distinction of sexes.  In this view, now well assured
that she had, by her touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her
purpose, she roll'd down the bed-cloaths gently, and I saw myself
stretched nak'd, my shift being turned up to my neck, whilst I had
no power or sense to oppose it.  Even my glowing blushes
expressed more desire than modesty, whilst the candle, left (to be
sure not undesignedly) burning, threw a full light on my whole
body.

"No!" says Phoebe, "you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide
all these treasures from me.  My sight must be feasted as well as my
touch...I must devour with my eyes this springing BOSOM...Suffer
me to kiss it...I have not seen it enough...Let me kiss it once
more...What firm, smooth, white flesh is here!...How delicately
shaped!...Then this delicious down! Oh! let me view the small, dear,
tender cleft!...This is too much, I cannot bear it!...I must...I must..."
Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried it where you will
easily guess.  But what a difference in the state of the same
thing!...A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the full-grown,
complete woman.  Then the cavity to which she guided my hand
easily received it; and as soon as she felt it within her, she moved
herself to and fro, with so rapid a friction that I presently withdrew
it, wet and clammy, when instantly Phoebe grew more composed,
after two or three sighs, and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving me a
kiss that seemed to exhale her soul through her lips, she replaced
the bed-cloaths over us.  What pleasure she had found I will not
say; but this I know, that the first sparks of kindling nature, the first
ideas of pollution, were caught by me that night; and that the
acquaintance and communication with the bad of our own sex, is
often as fatal to innocence as all the seductions of the other.  But to
go on.  When Phoebe was restor'd to that calm, which I was far
from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully sounded me on all the
points necessary to govern the designs of my virtuous mistress on
me, and by my answers, drawn from pure undissembled nature, she
had no reason but to promise herself all imaginable success, so far
as it depended on my ignorance, easiness, and warmth of
constitution.

After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me to my
rest, and I fell asleep, through pure weariness from the violent
emotions I had been led into, when nature (which had been too
warmly stir'd and fermented to subside without allaying by some
means or other) relieved me by one of those luscious dreams, the
transports of which are scarce inferior to those of waking real
action.

We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, when
in were brought two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: in short,
all the necessaries for rigging me out, as they termed it, completely.

In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed.
Phoebe was up before me, and asked me in the kindest manner how
I did, how I had rested, and if I was ready for breakfast, carefully, at
the same time, avoiding to increase the confusion she saw I was in,
at looking her in the face, by any hint of the night's bed scene.  I told
her if she pleased I would get up, and begin any work she would be
pleased to set me about.  She smil'd; presently the maid brought in
the tea-equipage, and I had just huddled my cloaths on, when in
waddled my mistress.  I expected no less than to be told of, if not
chid for, my late rising, when I was agreeably disappointed by her
compliments on my pure and fresh looks.  I was "a bud of beauty"
(this was her style), "and how vastly all the fine men would admire
me!" to all which my answer did not, I can assure you, wrong my
breeding; they were as simple and silly as they could wish, and, no
doubt, flattered them infinitely more than had they proved me
enlightened by education and a knowledge of the world.

Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquette heart
flutter'd with joy at the sight of a white lute-string, flower'd with
silver, scoured indeed, but passed on me for spick-and-span new, a
Brussels lace cap, braided shoes, and the rest in proportion, all
second-hand finery, and procured instantly for the occasion, by the
diligence and industry of the good Mrs.  Brown, who had already a
chapman for me in the house, before whom my charms were to pass
in review; for he had not only, in course, insisted on a previous
sight of the premises, but also on immediate surrender to him, in
case of his agreeing for me; concluding very wisely that such a place
as I was in was of the hottest to trust the keeping of such a
perishable commodity in as a maidenhead.

The care of dressing, and tricking me out for the market, was
then left to Phoebe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at least
perfectly to the satisfaction of every thing but my impatience of
seeing myself dress'd.  When it was over, and I view'd myself in the
glass, I was, no doubt, too natural, too artless, to hide my childish
joy at the change; a change, in the real truth, for much the worse,
since I must have much better become the neat easy simplicity of
my rustic dress than the awkward, untoward, taudry finery that I
could not conceal my strangeness to.

Phoebe's compliments, however, in which her own share in
dressing me was not forgot, did not a little confirm me in the first
notions I had ever entertained concerning my person; which, be it
said without vanity, was then tolerable to justify a taste for me, and
of which it may not be out of place here to sketch you an unflatter'd
picture.

I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I before remark'd,
was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly straight, thin
waisted, and light and free, without owing any thing to stays; my
hair was a glossy auburn, and as soft as silk, flowing down my neck
in natural buckles, and did not a little set off the whiteness of a
smooth skin; my face was rather too ruddy, though its features were
delicate, and the shape a roundish oval, except where a pit on my
chin had far from a disagreeable effect; my eyes were as black as can
be imagin'd, and rather languishing than sparkling, except on
certain occasions, when I have been told they struck fire fast
enough; my teeth, which I ever carefully perserv'd, were small, even
and white; my bosom was finely rais'd, and one might then discern
rather the promise, than the actual growth, of the round, firm
breasts, that in a little time made that promise good.  In short, all
the points of beauty that are most universally in request, I had, or at
least my vanity forbade me to appeal from the decision of our
sovereign judges the men, who all, that I ever knew at least, gave it
thus highly in my favour; and I met with, even in my own sex, some
that were above denying me that justice, whilst others praised me
yet more unsuspectedly, by endeavouring to detract from me, in
points of person and figure that I obviously excelled in.  This is, I
own, too strong of self praise; but should I not be ungrateful to
nature, and to a form to which I owe such singular blessings of
pleasure and fortune, were I to suppress, through and affectation of
modesty, the mention of such valuable gifts?

Well then, dress'd I was, and little did it then enter into my head
that all this gay attire was no more than decking the victim out for
sacrifice, whilst I innocently attributed all to mere friendship and
kindness in the sweet good Mrs.  Brown; who, I was forgetting to
mention, had, under pretence of keeping my money safe, got from
me, without the least hesitation, the driblet (so I now call it) which
remained to me after the expences of my journey.

After some little time most agreeably spent before the glass, in
scarce self-admiration, since my new dress had by much the
greatest share in it, I was sent for down to the parlour, where the
old lady saluted me, and wished me joy of my new cloaths, which
she was not asham'd to say, fitted me as if I had worn nothing but
the finest all my life-time; but what was it she could not see me silly
enough to swallow? At the same time, she presented me to another
cousin of her own creation, an elderly gentleman, who got up, at my
entry into the room, and on my dropping a curtsy to him, saluted
me, and seemed a little affronted that I had only presented my
cheek to him; a mistake, which, if one, he immediately corrected, by
glewing his lips to mine, with an ardour which his figure had not at
all disposed me to thank him for; his figure, I say, than which
nothing could be more shocking or detestable: for ugly, and
disagreeable, were terms too gentle to convey a just idea of it.

Imagine to yourself a man rather past threescore, short and ill-
made, with a yellow cadaverous hue, great goggling eyes that
stared as if he was strangled; and out-mouth from two more
properly tusks than teeth, livid-lips, and breath like a jake's: then he
had a peculiar ghastliness in his grin that made him perfectly
frightful, if not dangerous to women with child; yet, made as he
was thus in mock of man, he was so blind to his own staring
deformities as to think himself born for pleasing, and that no
woman could see him with impunity: in consequence of which idea,
he had lavish'd great sums on such wretches as could gain upon
themselves to pretend love to his person, whilst to those who had
not art or patience to dissemble the horror it inspir'd, he behaved
even brutally.  Impotence, more than necessity, made him seek in
variety the provocative that was wanting to raise him to the pitch of
enjoyment, which too he often saw himself baulked of, by the failure
of his powers: and this always threw him into a fit of rage, which he
wreak'd, as far as he durst, on the innocent objects of his fit of
momentary desire.

This then was the monster to which my conscientious
benefactress, who had long been his purveyor in this way, had
doom'd me, and sent for me down purposely for his examination.
Accordingly she made me stand up before him, turn'd me round,
unpinn'd my handkerchief, remark'd to him the rise and fall, the
turn and whiteness of a bosom just beginning to fill; then made me
walk, and took even a handle from the rusticity of my gait, to
inflame the inventory of my charms: in short, she omitted no point
of jockeyship; to which he only answer'd by gracious nods of
approbation, whilst he look'd goats and monkies at me: for I
sometimes stole a corner glance at him, and encountering his fiery,
eager stare, looked another way from pure horror and affright,
which he, doubtless in character, attributed to nothing more than
maiden modesty, or at least the affectation of it.

However, I was soon dismiss'd, and reconducted to my room by
Phoebe, who stuck close to me, not leaving me alone and at leisure
to make such reflections as might naturally rise to any one, not an
idiot, on such a scene as I had just gone through; but to my shame
be it confess'd, such was my invincible stupidity, or rather
portentous innocence, that I did not yet open my eyes to Mrs.
Brown's designs, and saw nothing in this titular cousin of hers but a
shocking hideous person which did not at all concern me, unless
that my respect to all her cousinhood.

Phoebe, however, began to sift the state and pulses of my heart
towards this monster, asking me how I should approve of such a
fine gentleman for a husband? (fine gentleman, I suppose she called
him, from his being daubed with lace).  I answered her very
naturally, that I had no thoughts of a husband, but that if I was to
choose one, it should be among my own degree, sure! So much had
my aversion to that wretch's hideous figure indisposed me to all
"fine gentlemen, " and confounded my ideas, as if those of that rank
had been necessarily cast in the same mould that he was! But
Phoebe was not to be beat off so, but went on with her endeavours
to melt and soften me for the purposes of my reception into that
hospitable house: and whilst she talked of the sex in general, she
had no reason to despair of a compliance, which more than one
reason shewed her would be easily enough obtained of me; but then
she had too much experience not to discover that my particular fix'd
aversion to that frightful cousin would be a block not so readily to
be removed, as suited the consummation of their bargain, and sale
of me.

Mother Brown had in the mean time agreed the terms with this
liquorish old goat, which I afterwards understood were to be fifty
guineas peremptory for the liberty of attempting me, and a hundred
more at the compleat gratification of his desires, in the triumph over
my virginity: and as for me, I was to be left entirely at the discretion
of his liking and generosity.  This unrighteous contract being thus
settled, he was so eager to be put in possession, that he insisted on
being introduc'd to drink tea with me that afternoon, when we were
to be left alone; nor would he hearken to the procuress's
remonstrances, that I was not sufficiently prepared and ripened for
such an attack; that I was too green and untam'd, having been
scarce twenty-four hours in the house: it is the character of lust to be
impatient, and his vanity arming him against any supposition of
other than the common resistance of a maid on those occasions,
made him reject all proposals of a delay, and my dreadful trial was
thus fix'd, unknown to me, for that very evening.

At dinner, Mrs.  Brown and Phoebe did nothing but run riot in
praises of this wonderful cousin, and how happy that woman
would be that he would favour with his addresses; in short my two
gossips exhausted all their rhetoric to persuade me to accept them:
"that the gentleman was violently smitten with me at first
sight...that he would make my fortune if I would be a good girl and
not stand in my own light...that I should trust his honour...that I
should be made for ever, and have a chariot to go abroad in..., "
with all such stuff as was fit to turn the head of such a silly ignorant
girl as I then was: but luckily here my aversion had taken already
such deep root in me, my heart was so strongly defended from him
by my senses, that wanting the art to mask my sentiments, I gave
them no hopes of their employer's succeeding, at least very easily,
with me.  The glass too march'd pretty quick, with a view, I
suppose, to make a friend of the warmth of my constitution, in the
minutes of the imminent attack.

Thus they kept me pretty long at table, and about six in the
evening, after I was retired to my own apartment, and the tea board
was set, enters my venerable mistress, follow'd close by that satyr,
who came in grinning in a way peculiar to him, and by his odious
presence confirm'd me in all the sentiments of detestation which his
first appearance had given birth to.

He sat down fronting me, and all tea time kept ogling me in a
manner that gave me the utmost pain and confusion, all the marks
of which he still explained to be my bashfulness, and not being used
to see company.

Tea over, the commoding old lady pleaded urgent business
(which indeed was true) to go out, and earnestly desir'd me to
entertain her cousin kindly till she came back, both for my own sake
and her's; and then with a "Pray, sir, be very good, be very tender of
the sweet child, " she went out of the room, leaving me staring, with
my mouth open, and unprepar'd, by the suddenness of her
departure, to oppose it.

We were now alone; and on that idea a sudden fit of trembling
seiz'd me.  I was so afraid, without a precise notion of why, and
what I had to fear, that I sat on the settee, by the fire-side,
motionless, and petrified, without life or spirit, not knowing how to
look or how to stir.

But long I was not suffered to remain in this state of
stupefaction: the monster squatted down by me on the settee, and
without farther ceremony or preamble, flings his arms about my
neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly towards him, oblig'd me to
receive, in spite of my struggles to disengage from him, his
pestilential kisses, which quite overcame me.  Finding me then next
to senseless, and unresisting, he tears off my neck handkerchief, and
laid all open there to his eyes and hands: still I endur'd all without
flinching, till embolden'd by my sufferance and silence, for I had not
the power to speak or cry out, he attempted to lay me down on the
settee, and I felt his hand on the lower part of my naked thighs,
which were cross'd, and which he endeavoured to unlock...Oh then!
I was roused out of my passive endurance, and springing from him
with an activity he was not prepar'd for, threw myself at his feet,
and begg'd him, in the most moving tone, not to be rude, and that
he would not hurt me:--"Hurt you, my dear?" says the brute; "I
intend you no harm...has not the old lady told you that I love
you?...that I shall do handsomely by you?" "She has indeed, sir, "
said I; "but I cannot love you, indeed I can not!...pray let me
alone...yes! I will love you dearly if you will let me alone, and go
away..." But I was talking to the wind; for whether my tears, my
attitude, or the disorder of my dress prov'd fresh incentives, or
whether he was not under the dominion of desires he could not
bridle, but snorting and foaming with lust and rage, he renews his
attack, seizes me, and again attempts to extend and fix me on the
settee: in which he succeeded so far as to lay me along, and even to
toss my petticoats over my head, and lay my thighs bare, which I
obstinately kept close, nor could he, though he attempted with his
knee to force them open, effect it so as to stand fair for being master
of the main avenue; he was unbuttoned, both waistcoat and
breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body upon me, whilst I lay
struggling with indignation, and dying with terror; but he stopped
all of a sudden, and got off, panting, blowing, cursing, and
repeating "old and ugly!" for so I had very naturally called him in
the heat of my defence.

The brute had, it seems, as I afterwards understood, brought on,
by his eagerness and struggle, the ultimate period of his hot fit of
lust, which his power was too short liv'd to carry him through the
full execution of; of which my thighs and linen received the
effusion.

When it was over he bid me, with a tone of displeasure, get up,
saying that he would not do me the honour to think of me any
more...that the old bitch might look out for another cully...that he
would not be fool'd so by e'er a country mock modesty in
England...that he supposed I had left my maidenhead with some
hobnail in the country, and was come to dispose of my skin-milk in
town, with a volley of the like abuse; which I listened to with more
pleasure than ever fond woman did to protestations of love from
her darling minion: for, incapable as I was of receiving any addition
to my perfect hatred and aversion to him, I look'd on this railing as
my security against his renewing his most odious caresses.

Yet, plain as Mrs.  Brown's views were now come out, I had not
the heart or spirit to open my eyes to them: still I could not part
with my dependence on that beldam, so much did I think myself
her's, soul and body: or rather, I sought to deceive myself with the
continuation of my good opinion of her, and chose to wait the worst
at her hands sooner than be turn'd out to starve in the streets,
without a penny of money or a friend to apply to: these fears were
my folly.

Whilst this confusion of ideas was passing in my head, and I sat
pensive by the fire, with my eyes brimming with tears, my neck still
bare, and my cap fall'n off in the struggle, so that my hair was in the
disorder you may guess, the villain's lust began, I suppose, to be
again in flow, at the sight of all that bloom of youth which
presented itself to his view, a bloom yet unenjoy'd, and of course
not yet indifferent to him.

After some pause, he ask'd me, with a tone of voice mightily
softened, whether I would make it up with him before the old lady
returned and all should be well; he would restore me his affections,
at the same time offering to kiss me and feel my breasts.  But now
my extreme aversion, my fears, my indignation, all acting upon me,
gave me a spirit not natural to me, so that breaking loose from him,
I ran to the bell and rang it, before he was aware, with such violence
and effect as brought up the maid to know what was the matter, or
whether the gentleman wanted any thing; and before he could
proceed to greater extremities, she bounc'd into the room, and
seeing me stretch'd on the floor, my hair all dishevell'd, my nose
gushing out blood, which did not a little tragedize the scene, and
my odious persecutor still intent of pushing his brutal point,
unmoved by all my cries and distress, she was herself confounded
and did not know what to say.

As much, however, as Martha might be prepared and hardened
to transactions of this sort, all womanhood must have been out of
her heart, could she have seen this unmov'd.  Besides that, on the
face of things, she imagined that matters had gone greater lengths
than they really had, and that the courtesy of the house had been
actually consummated on me, and flung me into the condition I was
in: in this notion she instantly took my part, and advis'd the
gentleman to go down and leave me to recover myself, and "that all
would be soon over with me...that when Mrs.  Brown and Phoebe,
who were gone out, were return'd, they would take order for every
thing to his satisfaction...that nothing would be lost by a little
patience with the poor tender thing...that for her part she
was...frighten'd...she could not tell what to say to such doings...but
that she would stay by me till my mistress came home." As the
wench said all this in a resolute tone, and the monster himself began
to perceive that things would not mend by his staying, he took his
hat and went out of the room, murmuring, and pleating his brows
like an old ape, so that I was delivered from the horrors of his
detestable presence.

As soon as he was gone, Martha very tenderly offered me her
assistance in any thing, and would have got me some hartshorn
drops, and put me to bed; which last, I at first positively refused, in
the fear that the monster might return and take me at that
advantage.  However, with much persuasion, and assurances that I
should not be molested that night, she prevailed on me to lie down;
and indeed I was so weakened by my struggles, so dejected by my
fearful apprehensions, so terror-struck, that I had not power to sit
up, or hardly to give answers to the questions with which the
curious Martha ply'd and perplex'd me.

Such too, and so cruel was my fate, that I dreaded the sight of
Mrs.  Brown, as if I had been the criminal and she the person
injur'd; a mistake which you will not think so strange, on
distinguishing that neither virtue nor principles had the least share
in the defence I had made, but only the particular aversion I had
conceiv'd against the first brutal and frightful invader of my tender
innocence.

I pass'd then the time till Mrs.  Brown's return home, under all
the agitations of fear and despair that may easily be guessed.

PART 2

About eleven at night my two ladies came home, and having
receiv'd rather a favourable account from Martha, who had run
down to let them in, for Mr.  Crofts (that was the name of my brute)
was gone out of the house, after waiting till he had tired his patience
for Mrs.  Brown's return, they came thundering up-stairs, and
seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks of the most
thorough dejection, they employed themselves more to comfort and
re-inspirit me, than in making me the reproaches I was weak
enough to fear, I who had so many juster and stronger to retort
upon them.

Mrs.  Brown withdrawn, Phoebe came presently to bed to me,
and what with the answers she drew from me, what with her own
method of palpably satisfying herself, she soon discovered that I
had been more frighted than hurt; upon which I suppose, being
herself seiz'd with sleep, and reserving her lectures and instructions
till the next morning, she left me, properly speaking, to my unrest;
for, after tossing and turning the greatest part of the night, and
tormenting myself with the falsest notions and apprehensions of
things, I fell, through mere fatigue, into a kind of delirious doze, out
of which I waded late in the morning, in a violent fever: a
circumstance which was extremely critical to reprieve me, at least
for a time, from the attacks of a wretch infinitely more terrible to me
than death itself.

The interested care that was taken of me during my illness, in
order to restore me to a condition of making good the bawd's
engagements, or of enduring further trials, and however such an
effect on my grateful disposition, that I even thought myself oblig'd
to my undoers for their attention to promote my recovery; and,
above all, for the keeping out of my sight of that brutal ravisher, the
author of my disorder, on their finding I was too strongly mov'd at
the bare mention of his name.

Youth is soon raised, and a few days were sufficient to conquer
the fury of my fever: but, what contributed most to my perfect
recovery and to my reconciliation with life, was the timely news
that Mr.  Crofts, who was a merchant of considerable dealings, was
arrested at the King's suit, for nearly forty thousand pounds, on
account of his driving a certain contraband trade, and that his
affairs were so desperate that even were it in his inclination, it
would not be in his power to renew his designs upon me: for he was
instantly thrown into a prison, which it was not likely he would get
out of in haste.

Mrs.  Brown, who had touched his fifty guineas, advanc'd to so
little purpose, and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began to
look upon my treatment of him with a more favourable eye; and as
they had observ'd my temper to be perfectly tractable and
conformable to their views, all the girls that compos'd her flock
were suffered to visit me, and had their cue to dispose me, by their
conversation, to a perfect resignation of myself to Mrs.  Brown's
direction.

Accordingly they were let in upon me, and all that frolic and
thoughtless gaiety in which those giddy creatures consume their
leisure made me envy a condition of which I only saw the fair side;
insomuch, that the being one of them became even my ambitionP a
disposition which they all carefully cultivated; and I wanted now
nothing but to restore my health, that I might be able to undergo the
ceremony of the initiation.

Conversation, example, all, in short, contributed, in that house,
to corrupt my native purity, which had taken no root in education;
whilst not the inflammable principal of pleasure, so easily fired at
my age, made strange work within me, and all the modesty I was
brought up in the habit, not the instruction of, began to melt away
like dew before the sun's heat; not to mention that I made a vice of
necessity, from the constant fears I had of being turn'd out to starve.

I was soon pretty well recover'd, and at certain hours allow'd to
range all over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any
company till the arrival of Lord B..., from Bath, to whom Mrs.
Brown, in respect to his experienced generosity on such occasions,
proposed to offer the perusal to that trinket of mine, which bears so
great an imaginary value; and his lordship being expected in town
in less than a fortnight, Mrs.  Brown judged I would be entirely
renewed in beauty and freshness by that time, and afford her the
chance of a better bargain than she had driven with Mr.  Crofts.

In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought
over, so tame to their whistle, that, had my cage door been set open,
I had no idea that I ought to fly anywhere, sooner than stay where I
was; nor had I the least sense of regretting my condition, but waited
very quietly for whatever Mrs.  Brown should order concerning me;
who on her side, by herself and her agents, took more than the
necessary precautions to lull and lay asleep all just reflections on my
destination.

Preachments of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy
painted in the gayest colours; caresses, promises, indulgent
treatment: nothing, in short, was wanting to domesticate me
entirely and to prevent my going out anywhere to get better advice.
Alas! I dream'd of no such thing.

Hitherto I had been indebted only to the girls of the house for the
corruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in which modesty
was far from respected, their description of their engagements with
men, had given me a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries
of their profession, at the same time that they highly provok'd an
itch of florid warm-spirited blood through every vein: but above all,
my bed-fellow Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately was,
exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure: whilst
nature, now warm'd and wantoned with discoveries so interesting,
piqu'd a curiosity which Phoebe artfully whetted, and leading me
from question to question of her own suggestion, explain'd to me all
the mysteries of Venus.  But I could not long remain in such a house
as that, without being an eye-witness of more than I could conceive
from her descriptions.

One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly recover'd of
my fever, I happen'd to be in Mrs.  Brown's dark closet, where I had
not been half an hour, resting upon the maid's settle-bed, before I
heard a rustling in the bedchamber, separated from the closet only
by two sash-doors, before the glasses of which were drawn two
yellow damask curtains, but not so close as to exclude the full view
of the room form any person in the closet.

I instantly crept softly, and posted myself so, that seeing every
thing minutely, I could not myself be seen; and who should come in
but the venerable mother Abbess herself! handed in by a tall,
brawny young Horse-grenadier, moulded in the Hercules style: in
fine, the choice of the most experienced dame, in those affairs, in all
London.

Oh! how still and hush did I keep at my stand, lest any noise
should baulk my curiosity, of bring Madam into the closet!

But I had not much reason to fear either, for she was so entirely
taken up with her present great concern, that she had no sense of
attention to spare to any thing else.

Droll was it to see that clumsy fat figure of hers flop down on
the foot of the bed, opposite to the closet-door, so that I had a full
front-view of all her charms.

Her paramour sat down by her: he seemed to be a man of very
few words, and a great stomach; for proceeding instantly to
essentials, he gave her some hearty smacks, and thrusting his hands
into her breasts, disengag'd them from her stays, in scorn of whose
confinement they broke loose, and swagged down, navel-low at
least.  A more enormous pair did my eyes never behold, nor of a
worse colour, flagging-soft, and most lovingly contiguous: yet such
as they were, this neck-beef eater seem'd to paw them with a most
uninvitable gust, seeking in vain to confine or cover one of them
with a hand scarce less than a shoulder of mutton.  After toying
with them thus some time, as if they had been worth it, he laid her
down pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoats, made barely a
mask of them to her broad red face, that blush'd with nothing but
brandy.

As he stood on one side, for a minute or so, unbuttoning his
waist-coat and breeches, her fat, brawny thighs hung down, and the
whole greasy landscape lay fairly open to my view; a wide open-
mouth'd gap, overshaded with a grizzly bush, seemed held out like
a beggar's wallet for its provision.

But I soon had my eyes called off by a more striking object, that
entirely engross'd them.

Her sturdy stallion had now unbutton'd, and produced naked,
stiff, and erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen
before, and which, for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to
take furiously in it, I star'd at with all the eyes I had: however, my
senses were too much flurried, too much concenter'd in that now
burning spot of mine, to observe any thing more than in general the
make and turn of that instrument, from which the instinct of nature,
yet more than all I had heard of it, now strongly informed me I was
to expect that supreme pleasure which she had placed in the
meeting of those parts so admirably fitted for each other.

Long, however, the young spark did not remain before giving it
two or three shakes, by way of brandishing it; he threw himself
upon her, and his back being now towards me, I could only take his
being ingulph'd for granted, by the directions he mov'd in, and the
impossibility of missing so staring a mark; and now the bed shook,
the curtains rattled so, that I could scarce hear the sighs and
murmurs, the heaves and pantings that accompanied the action,
from the beginning to the end; the sound and sight of which thrill'd
to the very soul of me, and made every vein of my body circulate
liquid fires: the emotion grew so violent that it almost intercepted
my respiration.

Prepared then, and disposed as I was by the discourse of my
companions, and Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder
that such a sight gave the last dying blow to my native innocence.

Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guided by nature only,
I stole my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers all on fire,
seized, and yet more inflamed that center of all my senses: my heart
palpitated, as if it would force its way through my bosom; I breath'd
with pain; I twisted my thighs, squeezed, and compressed the lips
of that virgin slit, and following mechanically the example of
Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far as I could find admission,
brought on at last the critical extasy, the melting flow, into which
nature, spent with excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away.

After which, my senses recover'd coolness enough to observe the
rest of the transaction between this happy pair.

The young fellow had just dismounted, when the old lady
immediately sprung up, with all the vigour of youth, derived, no
doubt, from her late refreshment; and making him sit down, began
in her turn to kiss him, to pat and pinch his cheeks, and play with
his hair: all which he receiv'd with an air of indifference and
coolness, that shew'd him to me much altered from what he was
when he first went on to the breach.

My pious governess, however, not being above calling in
auxiliaries, unlocks a little case of cordials that stood near the bed,
and made him pledge her in a very plentiful dram: after which, and
a little amorous parley, Madam sat herself down upon the same
place, at the bed's foot; and the young fellow standing sideway by
her, she, with the greatest effrontery imaginable, unbuttons his
breeches, and removing his shirt, draws out his affair, so shrunk
and diminish'd, that I could not but remember the difference, now
crestfallen, or just faintly lifting its head: but our experienc'd matron
very soon, by chafing it with her hands, brought it to swell to that
size and erection I had before seen it up to.

I admired then, upon a fresh account, and with a nicer survey,
the texture of that capital part of man: the flaming red head as it
stood uncapt, the whiteness of the shaft, and the shrub growth of
curling hair that embrowned the roots of it, the roundish bag that
dangled down from it, all exacted my eager attention, and renewed
my flame.  But, as the main affair was now at the point the
industrious dame had laboured to bring it to, she was not in the
humour to put off the payment of her pains, but laying herself
down, drew him gently upon her, and thus they finish'd in the same
manner as before, the old last act.

This over, they both went out lovingly together, the old lady
having first made him a present, as near as I could observe, of three
or four pieces; he being not only her particular favourite on account
of his performances, but a retainer to the house; from whose sight
she had taken great care hitherto to secrete me, lest he might not
have had patience to wait for my lord's arrival, but have insisted on
being his taster, which the old lady was under too much subjection
to him to dare dispute with him; for every girl of the house fell to
him in course, and the old lady only now and then got her turn, in
consideration of the maintenance he had, and which he could scarce
be accused of not earning from her.

As soon as I heard them go down-stairs, I stole up softly to my
own room, out of which I had luckily not been miss'd; there I began
to breathe freer, and to give a loose to those warm emotions which
the sight of such an encounter had raised in me.  I laid me down on
the bed, stretched myself out, joining and ardently wishing, and
requiring any means to divert or allay the rekindled rage and
tumult of my desires, which all pointed strongly to their pole: man.
I felt about the bed as if I sought for something that I grasp'd in my
waking dream, and not finding it, could have cry'd for vexation;
every part of me glowing with stimulating fires.  At length, I
resorted to the only present remedy, that of vain attempts at
digitation, where the smallness of the theatre did not yet afford
room enough for action, and where the pain my fingers gave me, in
striving for admission, tho' they procured me a slight satisfaction
for the present, started an apprehension, which I could not be easy
till I had communicated to Phoebe, and received her explanations
upon it.

The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for
Phoebe did not come to bed till long after I was gone to sleep.  As
soon then as we were both awake, it was but in course to bring our
ly-a-bed chat to land on the subject of my uneasiness: to which a
recital of the love scene I had thus, by chance, been spectatress of,
serv'd for a preface.

Phoebe could not hear it to the end without more than one
interruption by peals of laughter, and my ingenuous way of relating
matters did not a little heighten the joke to her.

But, on her sounding me how the sight had affected me, without
mincing or hiding the pleasurable emotions it had inspir'd me with,
I told her at the same time that one remark had perplex'd me, and
that very considerably.  ---"Aye!" say she, "what was that?" --- "Why,
" replied I, "having very curiously and attentively compared the size
of that enormous machine, which did not appear, at least to my
fearful imagination, less than my wrist, and at least three of my
handfuls long, to that of the tender small part of me which was
framed to receive it, I can not conceive its being possible to afford it
entrance without dying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since you well
know that even a finger thrust in there hurts me beyond
bearing...As to my mistress's and yours, I can plainly distinguish the
different dimensions of them from mine, palpable to the touch, and
visible to the eye; so that, in short, great as the promis'd pleasure
may be, I am afraid of the pain of the experiment."

Phoebe at this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very
serious solution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter,
only told me that she never heard of a mortal wound being given in
those parts by that terrible weapon, and that some she knew
younger, and as delicately made as myself, had outlived the
operation; that she believed, at the worst, I should take a great deal
of killing; that true it was, there was a great diversity of sizes in
those parts, owing to nature, child-bearing, frequent over-stretching
with unmerciful machines, but that at a certain age and habit of
body, even the most experienc'd in those affairs could not well
distinguish between the maid and the woman, supposing too an
absence of all artifice, and things in their natural situation: but that
since chance had thrown in my way one sight of that sort, she
would procure me another, that should feast my eyes more
delicately, and go a great way in the cure of my fears from that
imaginary disproportion.

On this she asked me if I knew Polly Philips.  "Undoubtedly, "
says I, "the fair girl which was so tender of me when I was sick, and
has been, as you told me, but two months in the house.": "The same,
" says Phoebe.  "You must know then, she is kept by a young
Genoese merchant, whom his uncle, who is immensely rich, and
whose darling he is, sent over here with an English merchant, his
friend, on a pretext of settling some accounts, but in reality to
humour his inclinations for travelling, and seeing the world.  He
met casually with this Polly once in company, and taking a liking to
her, makes it worth her while to keep entirely to him.  He comes to
her here twice or thrice a week, and she receives him in her light
closet up one pair of stairs, where he enjoys her in a taste, I suppose,
peculiar to the heat, or perhaps the caprices of his own country.  I
say no more, but to-morrow being his day, you shall see what
passes between them, from a place only known to your mistress and
myself."

You may be sure, in the ply I was now taking, I had no objection
to the proposal, and was rather a tip-toe for its accomplishment.

At five in the evening, next day, Phoebe, punctual to her
promise, came to me as I sat alone in my own room, and beckon'd
me to follow her.

We went down the back-stairs very softly, and opening the door
of a dark closet, where there was some old furniture kept, and some
cases of liquor, she drew me in after her, and fastening the door
upon us, we had no light but what came through a long crevice in
the partition between ours and the light closet, where the scene of
action lay; so that sitting on those low cases, we could, with the
greatest ease, as well as clearness, see all objects (ourselves unseen),
only by applying our eyes close to the crevice, where the moulding
of a panel had warped, or started a little on the other side.

The young gentleman was the first person I saw, with his back
directly towards me, looking at a print.  Polly was not yet come: in
less than a minute tho', the door opened, and she came in; and at
the noise the door made he turned about, and came to meet her,
with an air of the greatest tenderness and satisfaction.

After saluting her, he led her to a couch that fronted us, where
they both sat down, and the young Genoese help'd her to a glass of
wine, with some Naples bisket on a salver.

Presently, when they had exchanged a few kisses, and questions
in broken English on one side, he began to unbutton, and, in fine,
stript to his shirt.  As if this had been the signal agreed on for
pulling off all their cloaths, a scheme which the heat of the season
perfectly favoured, Polly began to draw her pins, and as she had no
stays to unlace, she was in a trice, with her gallant's officious
assistance, undress'd to all but her shift.

When he saw this, his breeches were immediately loosen'd, waist
and knee bands, and slipped over his ankles, clean off; his shirt
collar was unbuttoned too: then, first giving Polly an encouraging
kiss, he stole, as it were, the shift off the girl, who being, I suppose,
broke and familiariz'd to this humour, blush'd indeed, but less than
I did at the apparition of her, now standing stark-naked, just as she
came out of the hands of pure nature, with her black hair loose and
a-float down her dazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the
deepen'd carnation of her cheeks went off gradually into the hue of
glaz'd snow: for such were the blended tints and polish of her skin.

This girl could not be above eighteen: her face regular and sweet-
featur'd, her shape exquisite; nor could I help envying her two ripe
enchanting breasts, finely plump'd out in flesh, but withal so round,
so firm, that they sustain'd themselves, in scorn of any stay: then
their nipples, pointing different ways, mark'd their pleasing
separation; beneath them lay the delicious tract of the belly, which
terminated in a parting or rift scarce discernible, that modesty
seem'd to retire downwards, and seek shelter between two plump
fleshy thighs: the curling hair that overspread its delightful front,
cloathed it with the richest sable fur in the universe: in short, she
was evidently a subject for the painters to court her sitting to them
for a pattern of female beauty, in all the true price and pomp of
nakedness.

The young Italian (still in his shirt) stood gazing and transported
at the sight of beauties that might have fir'd a dying hermit; his
eager eyes devour'd her, as she shifted attitudes at his discretion:
neither were his hands excluded their share of the high feast, but
wander'd, on the hunt of pleasure, over every part and inch of her
body, so qualified to afford the most exquisite sense of it.

In the mean time, one could not help observing the swell of his
shirt before, that bolster'd out, and shewed the condition of things
behind the curtain: but he soon remov'd it, by slipping his shirt over
his head; and now, as to nakedness, they had nothing to reproach
one another.

The young gentleman, by Phoebe's guess, was about two and
twenty; tall and well limb'd.  His body was finely form'd and of a
most vigorous make, square-shoulder'd, and broad-chested: his face
was not remarkable in any way, but for a nose inclining to the
Roman, eyes large, black, and sparkling, and a ruddiness in his
cheeks that was the more a grace, for his complexion was of the
brownest, not of that dusky dun colour which excludes the idea of
freshness, but of that clear, olive gloss which, glowing with life,
dazzles perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleases more, when it
pleases at all.  His hair, being too short to tie, fell no lower than his
neck, in short easy curls; and he had a few sprigs about his paps,
that garnish'd his chest in a style of strength and manliness.  Then
his grand movement, which seem'd to rise out of a thicket of curling
hair that spread from the root all round thighs and belly up to the
navel, stood stiff and upright, but of a size to frighten me, by
sympathy, for the small tender part which was the object of its fury,
and which now lay expos'd to my fairest view; for he had,
immediately on stripping off his shirt, gently push'd her down on
the couch, which stood conveniently to break her willing fall.  Her
thighs were spread out to their utmost extension, and discovered
between them the mark of the sex, the red-center'd cleft of flesh,
whose lips, vermilioning inwards, exprest a small rubid line in
sweet miniature, such as Guido's touch of colouring could never
attain to the life or delicacy of.

Phoebe, at this gave me a gentle jog, to prepare me for a
whispered question: whether I thought my little maidenhead was
much less? But my attention was too much engross'd, too much
enwrapp'd with all I saw, to be able to give her any answer.

By this time the young gentleman had changed her posture from
lying breadth to length-wise on the couch: but her thighs were still
spread, and the mark lay fair for him, who now kneeling between
them, display'd to us a side-view of that fierce erect machine of his,
which threaten'd no less than splitting the tender victim, who lay
smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor seem'd to decline it.  He looked
upon his weapon himself with some pleasure, and guiding it with
his hand to the inviting slit, drew aside the lips, and lodg'd it (after
some thrusts, which Polly seem'd even to assist) about half way; but
there it stuck, I suppose from its growing thickness: he draws it
again, and just wetting it with spittle, re-enters, and with ease
sheath'd it now up to the hilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh,
which was quite another tone than one of pain; he thrusts, she
heaves, at first gently, and in a regular cadence; but presently the
transport began to be too violent to observe any order or measure;
their motions were too rapid, their kisses too fierce and fervent for
nature to support such fury long: both seem'd to me out of
themselves: their eyes darted fires: "Oh!...oh!...I can't bear it...It is
too much...I die...I am going..." were Polly's expressions of extasy:
his joys were more silent; but soon broken murmurs, sighs heart-
fetch'd, and at length a dispatching thrust, as if he would have
forced himself up her body, and then motionless languor of all his
limbs, all shewed that the die-away moment was come upon him;
which she gave signs of joining with, by the wild throwing of her
hands about, closing her eyes, and giving a deep sob, in which she
seemed to expire in an agony of bliss.

When he had finish'd his stroke, and got from off her, she lay
still without the least motion, breathless, as it should seem, with
pleasure.  He replaced her again breadthwise on the couch, unable
to sit up, with her thighs open, between which I could observe a
kind of white liquid, like froth, hanging about the outward lips of
that recently opened wound, which now glowed with a deeper red.
Presently she gets up, and throwing her arms round him, seemed
far from undelighted with the trial he had put her to, to judge at
least by the fondness with which she ey'd and hung upon him.

For my part, I will not pretend to describe what I felt all over me
during this scene; but from that instant, adieu all fears of what man
could do unto me; they were now changed into such ardent desires,
such ungovernable longings, that I could have pull'd the first of that
sex that should present himself, by the sleeve, and offered him the
bauble, which I now imagined the loss of would be a gain I could
not too soon procure myself.

Phoebe, who had more experience, and to whom such sights
were not so new, could not however be unmoved at so warm a
scene; and drawing me away softly from the peep-hole, for fear of
being over-heard, guided me as near the door as possible, all
passive and obedient to her least signals.

Here was no room either to sit or lie, but making me stand with
my back towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats, and with her
busy fingers fell to visit and explore that part of me where now the
heat and irritations were so violent that I was perfectly sick and
ready to die with desire; that the bare touch of her finger, in that
critical place, had the effect of a fire to a train, and her hand
instantly made her sensible to what a pitch I was wound up, and
melted by the sight she had thus procured me.  Satisfied then with
her success in allaying a heat that would have made me impatient of
seeing the continuation of the transactions between our amourous
couple, she brought me again to the crevice so favourable to our
curiosity.

We had certainly been but a few instants away from it, and yet
on our return we saw every thing in good forwardness for
recommencing the tender hostilities.

The young foreigner was sitting down, fronting us, on the couch,
with Polly upon one knee, who had her arms round his neck, whilst
the extreme whiteness of her skin was not undelightfully contrasted
by the smooth glossy brown of her lover's.

But who could count the fierce, unnumber's kisses given and
taken? in which I could of ten discover their exchanging the velvet
thrust, when both their mouths were double tongued, and seemed
to favour the mutual insertion with the greatest gust and delight.

In the mean time, his red-headed champion, that has so lately
fled the pit, quell'd and abash'd, was now recover'd to the top of his
condition, perk'd and crested up between Polly's thighs, who was
not wanting, on her part, to coax and deep it in good humour,
stroking it, with her head down, and received even its velvet tip
between the lips of not its proper mouth: whether she did this out of
any particular pleasure, or whether it was to render it more glib and
easy of entrance, I could not tell; but it had such an effect, that the
young gentleman seem'd by his eyes, that sparkled with more
excited lustre, and his inflamed countenance, to receive increase of
pleasure.  He got up, and taking Polly in his arms, embraced her,
and said something too softly for me to hear, leading her withal to
the foot of the couch, and taking delight to slap her thighs and
posteriors with that stiff sinew of his, which hit them with a spring
that he gave it with his hand, and made them resound again, but
hurt her about as much as he meant to hurt her, for she seemed to
have as frolic a taste as himself.

But guess my surprise, when I saw the lazy young rogue lie
down on his back, and gently pull down Polly upon him, who
giving way to his humour, straddled, and with her hands
conducted her blind favourite to the right place; and following her
impulse, ran directly upon the flaming point of this weapon of
pleasure, which she stak'd herself upon, up pierc'd and infix'd to the
extremest hair-breadth of it: thus she sat on him a few instants,
enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst he toyed with her
provoking breasts.  Sometimes she would stoop to meet his kiss: but
presently the sting of pleasure spurr'd them up to fiercer action;
then began the storm of heaves, which, form the undermost
combatant, were thrusts at the same time, he crossing his hands
over her, and drawing her home to him with a sweet violence: the
inverted strokes of anvil over hammer soon brought on the critical
period, in which all the signs of a close conspiring extasy informed
us of the point they were at.

For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, so
inflamed at the second part of the same play, that, mad to an
intolerable degree, I hugg'd, I clasped Phoebe, as if she had
wherewithal to relieve me.  Pleased however with, and pitying the
taking she could feel me in, she drew me towards the door, and
opening it as softly as she could, we both got off undiscover'd, and
she reconducted me to my own room, where, unable to keep my
legs, in the agitation I was in, I instantly threw myself down on the
bed, where I lay transported, though asham'd at what I felt.

Phoebe lay down by me, and ask'd me archly if, now that I had
seen the enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraid of him?
or did I think I could venture to come to a close engagement with
him? To all which, not a word on my side; I sigh'd, and could scarce
breathe.  She takes hold of my hand, and having roll'd up her own
petticoats, forced it half strivingly towards those parts, where, now
grown more knowing, I miss'd the main object of my wishes; and
finding not even the shadow of what I wanted, where every thing
was so flat, or so hollow, in the vexation I was in at it, I should have
withdrawn my hand but for fear of disobliging her.  Abandoning it
then entirely to her management, she made use of it as she thought
proper, to procure herself rather the shadow than the substance of
any pleasure.  For my part, I now pin'd for more solid food, and
promis'd tacitly to myself that I would not be put off much longer
with this foolery from woman to woman, if Mrs.  Brown did not
soon provide me with the essential specific.  In short, I had all the
air of not being able to wait the arrival of my lord B...tho' he was
now expected in a very few days: nor did I wait for him, for love
itself took charge of the disposal of me, in spite of interest, or gross
lust.

It was now two days after the closet-scene, that I got up about
six in the morning, and leaving my bed-fellow fast asleep, stole
down, with no other thought than of taking a little fresh air in a
small garden, which our back-parlour open'd into, and from which
my confinement debarr'd me at the times company came to the
house; but now sleep and silence reign'd all over it.

I open'd the parlour door, and well surpriz'd was I at seeing, by
the side of a fire half-our, a young gentleman in the old lady's elbow
chair, with his legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and left there by
his thoughtless companions, who had drank him down, and then
went off with every one his mistress, whilst he stay'd behind by the
courtesy of the old matron, who would not disturb of turn him out
in that condition, at one in the morning; and beds, it is more than
probable, there were none to spare.  On the table still remain'd the
punch bowl and glasses, strew's about in their usual disorder after a
drunken revel.

But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping one, heavens! what
a sight! No! no term of years, no turn of fortune could ever erase the
lightning-like impression his form made on me...Yes! dearest object
of my earliest passion, I command for ever the remembrance of thy
first appearance to my ravish'd eyes...it calls thee up, present; and I
see thee now!

Figure to yourself, Madam, a fair stripling, between eighteen and
nineteen, with his head reclin'd on one of the sides of the chair, his
hair in disorder'd curls, irregularly shading a face on which all the
roseate bloom of youth and all the manly graces conspired to fix my
eyes and heart.  Even the languor and paleness of his face, in which
the momentary triumph of the lily over the rose was owing to the
excesses of the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to the finest
features imaginable: his eyes, closed in sleep, displayed the meeting
edges of their lids beautifully bordered with long eyelashes; over
which no pencil could have described two more regular arches than
those that grac'd his forehead, which was high, prefectly white and
smooth.  Then a pair of vermilion lips, pouting and swelling to the
touch, as if a bee had freshly stung them, seem'd to challenge me to
get the gloves off this lovely sleeper, had not the modesty and
respect, which in both sexes are inseparable from a true passion,
check'd my impulses.

But on seeing his shirt-collar unbutton'd, and a bosom whiter
than a drift of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe
me to lengthen it, at the hazard of a health that began to be my life's
concern.  Love, that made me timid, taught me to be tender too.
With a trembling hand I took hold of one of his, and waking his as
gently as possible, he started, and looking, at first a little wildly,
said with a voice that sent its harmonious sound to my heart: "Pray,
child, what o'clock is it?" I told him, and added that he might catch
cold if he slept longer with his breast open in the cool of the
morning air.  On this he thanked me with a sweetness perfectly
agreeing with that of his features and eyes; the last now broad open,
and eagerly surveying me, carried the sprightly fires they sparkled
with directly to my heart.    It seems that having drank too freely
before he came upon the rake with some of his young companions,
he had put himself out of a condition to go through all the weapons
with them, and crown the night with getting a mistress; so that
seeing me in a loose undress, he did not doubt but I was one of the
misses of the house, sent in to repair his loss of time; but though he
seiz'd that notion, and a very obvious one it was, without hesitation,
yet, whether my figure made a more than ordinary impression on
him, or whether it was natural politeness, he address'd me in a
manner far from rude, tho' still on the foot of one of the house
pliers, come to amuse him; and giving me the first kiss that I ever
relish'd from man in my life, ask'd me it I could favour him with my
company, assuring me that he would make it worth my while: but
had not even new-born love, that true refiner of lust, oppos'd so
sudden a surrender, the fear of being surpriz'd by the house was a
sufficient bar to my compliance.

I told him then, in a tone set me by love itself, that for reasons I
had not time to explain to him, I could not stay with him, and might
not even ever see him again: with a sigh at these last words, which
broke from the bottom of my heart.  My conqueror, who, as he
afterwards told me, had been struck with my appearance, and lik'd
me as much as he could think of liking any one in my suppos'd way
of life, ask'd me briskly at once if I would be kept by him, and that
he would take a lodging for me directly, and relieve me from any
engagements he presum'd I might be under to the house.  Rash,
sudden, undigested, and even dangerous as this offer might be from
a perfect stranger, and that stranger a giddy boy, the prodigious
love I was struck with for him had put a charm into his voice there
was no resisting, and blinded me to every objection; I could, at that
instant, have died for him: think if I could resist an invitation to live
with him! Thus my heart, beating strong to the proposal, dictated
my answer, after scarce a minute's pause, that I would accept of his
offer, and make my escape to him in what way he pleased, and that
I would be entirely at his disposal, let it be good or bad.  I have
often since wondered that so great an easiness did not disgust him,
or make me too cheap in his eyes, but my fate had so appointed it,
that in his fears of the hazard of the town, he had been some time
looking out for a girl to take into keeping, and my person happening
to hit his fancy, it was by one of those miracles reserved to love that
we struck the bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an
exchange of kisses, that the hopes of a more uninterrupted
enjoyment engaged him to content himself with.

Never, however, did dear youth carry in his person, more
wherewith to justify the turning of a girl's head, and making her set
all consequences at defiance for the sake of following a gallant.

For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were
assembled in his form, he had an air of neatness and gentility, a
certain smartness in the carriage and port of his head, that yet more
distinguish'd him; his eyes were sprightly and full of meaning; his
looks had in them something at once sweet and commanding.  His
complexion outbloom'd the lovely-colour'd rose, whilst its
inimitable tender vivid glow clearly sav'd from the reproach of
wanting life, of raw and dough-like, which is commonly made to
those so extremely fair as he was.

Our little plan was that I should get out about seven the next
morning (which I could readily promise, as I knew where to get the
key of the street-door), and he would wait at the end of the street
with a coach to convey me safe off; after which, he would send, and
clear any debt incurr'd by my stay at Mrs.  Brown's, who, he only
judged, in gross, might not care to part with one he thought so fit to
draw custom to the house.

I then just hinted to him not to mention in the house his having
seen such a person as me, for reasons I would explain to him more
at leisure.  And then, for fear of miscarrying, by being seen together,
I tore myself from him with a bleeding heart, and stole up softly to
my room, where I found Phoebe still fast asleep, and hurrying off
my few cloaths, lay down by her, with a mixture of joy and anxiety
that may be easier conceived than express'd.

The risks of Mrs.  Brown's discovering my purpose, of
disappointments, misery, ruin, all vanish'd before this newkindl'd
flame.  The seeing, the touching, the being, if but for a night, with
this idol of my fond virgin-heart, appeared to me a happiness above
the purchase of my liberty or life.  He might use me ill, let him! he
was the master; happy, too happy, even to receive death at so dear a
hand.

To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day, of which
every minute seem'd to me a little eternity.  How often did I visit
the clock! nay, was tempted to advance the tedious hand, as if that
would have advanc'd the time with it! Had those of the house made
the least observations on me, they must have remark'd something
extraordinary from the discomposure I could not help betraying;
especially when at dinner mention was made of the charmingest
youth having been there, and stay'd breakfast.  "Oh! he was such a
beauty!...I should have died for him!...they would pull caps for
him!..." and the like fooleries, which, however, was throwing oil on
a fire I was sorely put to it to smother the blaze of.

The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produc'd one good
effect: which was, that, through mere fatigue, I slept tolerably well
till five in the morning, when I got up, and having dress'd myself,
waited, under the double tortures of fear and impatience, for the
appointed hour.  It came at last, the dear, critical, dangerous hour
came; and now, supported only by the courage love lent me, I
ventured, a tiptoe, down-stairs, leaving my box behind, for fear of
being surpriz'd with it in going out.

I got to the street-door, the key whereof was always laid on the
chair by our bed-side, in trust with Phoebe, who having not the least
suspicion of my entertaining any design to go from them (nor
indeed had I but the day before), made no reserve or concealment of
it from me.  I open'd the door with great ease; love, that
embolden'd, protected me too: and now, got safe into the street, I
saw my new guardianangel waiting at a coach-door, ready open.
How I got to him I know not: I suppose I flew; but I was in the
coach in a trice, and he by the side of me, with his arms clasp'd
round me, and giving me the kiss of welcome.  The coachman had
his orders, and drove to them.

My eyes were instantly fill'd with tears, but tears of the most
delicious delight; to find myself in the arms of that beauteous youth
was a rapture that my little heart swam in.  Past or future were
equally out of the question with me.  The present was as much as all
my powers of life were sufficient to bear the transport of, without
fainting.  Nor were the most tender embraces, the most soothing
expressions wanting on his side, to assure me of his love, and of
never giving me cause to repent the bold step I had taken, in
throwing myself thus entirely upon his honour and generosity.  But,
alas! this was no merit in me, for I was drove to it by a passion too
impetuous for me to resist, and I did what I did because I could not
help it.

In an instant, for time was now annihilated with me, we landed
at a public house in Chelsea, hosipitably commodious for the
reception of duet-parties of pleasure, where a breakfast of chocolate
was prepared for us.

An old jolly stager, who kept it, and understood life perfectly
well, breakfasted with us, and leering archly at me, gave us both
joy, and said we were well paired, i' faith! that a great many
gentlemen and ladies used his house, but he had never seen a
handsomer couple...he was sure I was a fresh piece...I look'd so
country, so innocent! well my spouse was a lucky man!...all which
common landlord's cant not only pleas'd and sooth'd me, but help'd
to divert my confusion at being with my new sovereign, whom,
now the minute approach'd, I began to fear to be alone with: a
timidity which true love had a greater share in than even maiden
bashfulness.

I wish'd, I doted, I could have died for him; and yet, I know not
how, or why, I dreaded the point which had been the object of my
fiercest wishes; my pulses beat fears, amidst a flush of the warmest
desires.  This struggle of the passions, however, this conflict betwixt
modesty and lovesick longings, made me burst again into tears;
which he took, as he had done before, only for the remains of
concern and emotion at the suddenness of my change of condition,
in committing myself to his care; and, in consequence of that idea,
did and said all that he thought would most comfort and reinspirit
me.

After breakfast, Charles (the dear familiar name I must take the
liberty henceforward to distinguish my Adonis by), with a smile full
of meaning, took me gently by the hand, and said: "Come, my dear,
I will show you a room that commands a fine prospect over some
gardens"; and without waiting for an answer, in which he relieved
me extremely, he led me up into a chamber, airy and light-some,
where all seeing of prospects was out of the question, except that of
a bed, which had all the air of having recommended the room to
him.

Charles had just slipp'd the bolt of the door, and running, caught
me in his arms, and lifting me from the ground, with his lips glew'd
to mine, bore me, trembling, panting, dying, with soft fears and
tender wishes, to the bed; where his impatience would not suffer
him to undress me, more than just unpinning my handkerchief and
gown, and unlacing my stays.

My bosom was now bare, and rising in the warmest throbs,
presented to his sight and feeling the firm hard swell of a pair of
young breasts, such as may be imagin'd of a girl not sixteen, fresh
out of the country, and never before handled; but even their pride,
whiteness, fashion, pleasing resistance to the touch, could not bribe
his restless hands from roving; but giving them the loose, my
petticoats and shift were soon taken up, and their stronger center of
attraction laid open to their tender invasion.  My fears, however,
made me mechanically close my thighs; but the very touch of his
hand insinuated between them, disclosed them and opened a way
for the main attack.

In the mean time, I lay fairly exposed to the examination of his
eyes and hands, quiet and unresisting; which confirm'd him the
opinion he proceeded so cavalierly upon, that I was no novice in
these matters, since he had taken me out of a common bawdy-
house, nor had I said one thing to prepossess him of my virginity;
and if I had, he would sooner have believ'd that I took him for a
cully that would swallow such an improbability, than that I was still
mistress of that darling treasure, that hidden mine, so eagerly
sought after by the men, and which they never dig for, but to
destroy.

Being now too high wound up to bear a delay, he unbutton'd,
and drawing out the engine of love-assaults, drove it currently, as at
a ready-made breach...Then! then! for the first time, did I feel that
stiff horn-hard gristle, battering against the tender part; but imagine
to yourself his surprize when he found, after several vigorous
pushes which hurt me extremely, that he made not the least
impression.

I complain'd but tenderly complain'd that I could not bear
it...indeed he hurt me!...Still he thought no more than that being so
young, the largeness of his machine (for few men could dispute size
with him) made all the dificulty; and that possible I had not been
enjoy'd by any so advantageously made in that part as himself: for
still, that my virgin flower was yet uncrop'd, never enter'd into his
head, and he would have thought it idling with time and words to
have question'd me upon it.

He tries again, still no admittance, still no penetration; but he
had hurt me yet more, whilst my extreme love made me bear
extreme pain, almost without a groan.  At length, after repeated
fruitless trials, he lay down panting by me, kiss'd my falling tears,
and asked me tenderly what was the meaning of so much
complaining? and if I had not borne it better from others than I did
from him? I answered, with a simplicity fram'd to persuade, that he
was the first man that ever serv'd me so.  Truth is powerful, and it
is not always that we do not believe what we eagerly wish.

Part 3

Charles, already dispos'd by the evidence of his senses to think
my pretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal, smothers me with
kisses, begs me, in the name of love, to have a little patience, and
that he will be as tender of hurting me as he would be of himself.

Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joyfully to
him, whatever pain I foresaw it would cost me.

He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he put one of
the pillows under me, to give the blank of his aim a more favourable
elevation, and another under my head, in ease of it; then spreading
my thighs, and placing himself standing between them, made them
rest upon his hips; applying then the point of his machine to the slit,
into which he sought entrance: it was so small, he could scarce
assure himself of its being rightly pointed.  He looks, he feels, and
satisfies himself: the driving forward with fury, its prodigious
stiffness, thus impacted, wedgelike, breaks the union of those parts,
and gain'd him just the insertion of the tip of it, lip-deep; which
being sensible of, he improved his advantage, and following well
his stroke, in a straight line, forcibly deepens his penetration; but
put me to such intolerable pain, from the separation of the sides of
that soft passage by a hard thick body, I could have scream'd out;
but, as I was unwilling to alarm the house, I held in my breath, and
cramm'd my petticoat, which was turn'd up over my face, into my
mouth, and bit it through in the agony.  At length, the tender
texture of that tract giving way to such fierce tearing and rending,
he pierc'd something further into me: and now, outrageous and no
longer his own master, but borne headlong away by the fury and
over-mettle of that member, now exerting itself with a kind of
native rage, he breaks in, carries all before him, and one violent
merciless lunge sent it, imbrew'd, and reeking with virgin blood, up
to the very hilt in me...Then! then all my resolution deserted me: I
scream'd out, and fainted away with the sharpness of the pain; and,
as he told me afterwards, on his drawing out, when emission was
over with him, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of blood that
flow'd from the wounded torn passage.

When I recover'd my senses, I found myself undress'd, and a-
bed, in the arms of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity,
who hung mourning tenderly over me, and holding in his hand a
cordial, which, coming from the still dear author of so much pain, I
could not refuse; my eyes, however, moisten'd with tears, and
languishingly turn'd upon him, seemed to reproach him with his
cruelty, and ask him if such were the rewards of love.  But Charles,
to whom I was now infinitely endear'd by this complete triumph
over a maidenhead, where he so little expected to find one, in
tenderness to that pain which he had put me to, in procuring
himself the height of pleasure, smother'd his exultation, and
employ'd himself with so much sweetness, so much warmth, to
sooth, to caress, and comfort me in my soft complainings, which
breath'd, indeed, more love than resentment, that I presently
drown'd all sense of pain in the pleasure of seeing him, of thinking
that I belong'd to him: he who was now the absolute disposer of my
happiness, and, in one word, my fate.

The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleeding
fresh, for Charles's good-nature to put my patience presently to
another trial; but as I could not stir, or walk across the room, he
order'd the dinner to be brought to the bed-side, where it could not
be otherwise than my getting down the wing of a fowl, and two or
three glasses of wine, since it was my ador'd youth who both serv'd,
and urged them on me, with that sweet irresistible authority with
which love had invested him over me.     After dinner, and as
everything but the wine was taken away, Charles very impudently
asks a leave, he might read the grant of in my eyes, to come to bed
to me, and accordingly falls to undressing; which I could not see the
progress of without strange emotions of fear and pleasure.

He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; but
when thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his naked
glowing body to mine...oh! insupportable delight! oh! superhuman
rapture! what pain could stand before a pleasure so transporting? I
felt no more the smart of my wounds below; but, curling round him
like the tendril of a vine, as if I fear'd any part of him should be
untouch'd or unpress'd by me, I return'd his strenuous embraces
and kisses with a fervour and gust only known to true love, and
which mere lust could never rise to.

Yes, even at this time, when all the tyranny of the passions is
fully over and my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquil stream,
the remembrance of those passages that most affected me in my
youth, still cheers and refreshes me.  Let me proceed then.  My
beauteous youth was now glew'd to me in all the folds and twists
that we could make our bodies meet in; when, no longer able to rein
in the fierceness of refresh'd desires, he gives his steed the head and
gently insinuating his thighs between mine, stopping my mouth
with kisses of humid fire, makes a fresh irruption, and renewing his
thrusts, pierces, tears, and forces his way up the torn tender folds
that yielded him admission with a smart little less severe that when
the breach was first made.  I stifled, however, my cries, and bore
him with the passive fortitude of a heroine; soon his thrusts, more
and more furious, cheeks flush'd with a deeper scarlet, his eyes
turn'd up in the fervent fit, some dying sighs, and an agonizing
shudder, announced the approaches of that extatic pleasure, I was
yet in too much pain to come in for my share of it.

Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numb'd and blunted
the sense of the smart, and given me to feel the titillating inspersion
of balsamic sweets, drew from me the delicious return, and brought
down all my passion, that I arrived at excess of pleasure through
excess of pain.  But, when successive engagements had broke and
inur'd me, I began to enter into the true unallay'd relish of that
pleasure of pleasures, when the warm gush darts through all the
ravish'd inwards; what floods of bliss! what melting transports!
what agonies of delight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to sustain;
well has she therefore, no doubt, provided the relief of a delicious
momentary dissolution, the approaches of which are intimated by a
dear delirium, a sweet thrill on the point of emitting those liquid
sweets, in which enjoyment itself is drown'd, when one gives the
languishing stretch-out, and dies at the discharge.

How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had subsided
after the melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation ask'd myself
coolly the question, if it was in nature for any of its creatures to be
so happy as I was? Or, what were all fears of the consequence, put
in the scale of one night's enjoyment of any thing so transcendently
the taste of my eyes and heart, as that delicious, fond, matchless
youth?

Thus we spent the whole afternoon till supper time in a
continued circle of love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying, and
all the rest of the feast.  At length, supper was serv'd in, before
which Charles had, for I do not know what reason, slipt his cloaths
on; and sitting down by the bed-side, we made table and table-cloth
of the bed and sheets, whilst he suffer'd nobody to attend or serve
but himself.  He ate with a very good appetite, and seem'd charm'd
to see me eat.  For my part, I was so enchanted with my fortune, so
transported with the comparison of the delights I now swam in,
with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life, that I thought them
sufficiently cheap at even the price of my ruin, or the risk of their
not lasting.  The present possession was all my little head could find
room for.

We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizes
of pleasure, nature, overspent and satisfy'd, gave us up to the arms
of sleep: those of my dear youth encircled me, the consciousness of
which made even that sleep more delicious.

Late in the morning I wak'd first; and observing my lover slept
profoundly, softly disengag'd myself from his arms, scarcely daring
to breathe for fear of shortening his repose; my cap, my hair, my
shift, were all in disorder from the rufflings I had undergone; and I
took this opportunity to adjust and set them as well as I could:
whilst, every now and then, looking at the sleeping youth with
inconceivable fondness and delight, and reflecting on all the pain he
had put me to, tacitly own'd that the pleasure had overpaid me for
my sufferings.

It was then broad day.  I was sitting up in the bed, the cloaths of
which were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of our
motions, from the sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refuse
myself a pleasure that solicited me so irresistibly, as this fair
occasion of feasting my sight with all those treasures of youthful
beauty I had enjoy'd, and which lay now almost entirely naked, his
shirt being truss'd up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth of the
room and season made me easy about the consequence of.  I hung
over him enamour'd indeed! and devoured all his naked charms
with only two eyes, when I could have wish'd them at least a
hundred, for the fuller enjoyment of the gaze.

Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to my
transported imagination! a whole length of an allperfect, manly
beauty in full view.  Think of a face without a fault, glowing with all
the opening bloom and vernal freshness of an age in which beauty is
of either sex, and which the first down over his upper lip scarce
began to distinguish.

The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seem'd to exhale
an air sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! what violence did
it not cost me to refrain the so tempted kiss!

Then a neck exquisitely turn'd, grac'd behind and on the sides
with his hair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connected his head
to a body of the most perfect form, and of the most vigorous
contexture, in which all the strength of manhood was conceal'd and
soften'd to appearance by the delicacy of his complexion, the
smoothness of his skin, and the plumpness of his flesh.

The platform of his snow-white bosom, that was laid out in a
manly proportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of each pap,
the idea of a rose about to blow.

Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing that symmetry of his
limbs, that exactness of shape, in the fall of it towards the loins,
where the waist ends and the rounding swell of the hips
commences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, and dazzling white,
burnishes on the stretch over firm, plump, ripe flesh, that crimp'd
and ran into dimples at the least pressure, or that the touch could
not rest upon, but slid over as on the surface of the most polished
ivory.

His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy roundness,
gradually tapering away to the knees, seem'd pillars worthy to
support that beauteous frame; at the bottom of which I could not,
without some remains of terror, some tender emotions too, fix my
eyes on that terrible machine, which had, not long before, with such
fury broke into, torn, and almost ruin'd those soft, tender parts of
mine that had not yet done smarting with the effects of its rage; but
behold it now! crest fall'n, reclining its half-capt vermilion head
over one of his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to all appearance incapable
of the mischiefs and cruelty it had committed.  Then the beautiful
growth of the hair, in short and soft curls round its root, its
whiteness, branch'd veins, the supple softness of the shaft, as it lay
foreshort'd, roll'd and shrunk up into a squab thickness, languid,
and borne up from between his thighs by its globular appendage,
that wondrous treasure-bag of nature's sweets, which, rivell'd
round, and purs'd up in the only wrinkles that are known to please,
perfected the prospect, and all together formed the most interesting
moving picture in nature, and surely infinitely superior to those
nudities furnish'd by ]the painters, statuaries, or any art, which are
purchas'd at immense prices; whilst the sight of them in actual life is
scarce sovereignly tasted by any but the few whom nature has
endowed with a fire of imagination, warmly pointed by a truth of
judgment to the spring-head, the originals of beauty, of nature's
unequall'd composition, above all the imitation of art, or the reach
of wealth to pay their price.

But every thing must have an end.  A motion made by this
angelic youth, in the listlessness of going off sleep, replac'd his shirt
and the bed-cloaths in a posture that shut up that treasure from
longer view.

I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me in
which the objects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny that
prevail'd over the smart of them, my fingers now open'd themselves
an easy passage; but long I had not time to consider the wide
difference there, between the maid and the now finish'd woman,
before Charles wak'd, and turning towards me, kindly enquir'd how
I had rested? and, scarce giving me time to answer, imprinted on
my lips one of his burning rapture-kisses, which darted a flame to
my heart, that from thence radiated to every part of me; and
presently, as if he had proudly meant revenge for the survey I had
smuggled of all his naked beauties, he spurns off the bedcloaths,
and trussing up my shift as high as it would go, took his turn to
feast his eyes on all the gifts nature had bestow'd on my person; his
busy hands, too, rang'd intemperately over every part of me.  The
delicious austerity and hardness of my yet unripe budding breasts,
the whiteness and firmness of my flesh, the freshness and regularity
of my features, the harmony of my limbs, all seem'd to confirm him
in his satisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to explore the
havoc he had made in the centre of his overfierce attack, he not only
directed his hands there, but with a pillow put under, placed me
favourably for his wanton purpose of inspection.  Then, who can
express the fire his eyes glisten'd, his hands glow'd with! whilst
sighs of pleasure, and tender broken exclamations, were all the
praises he could utter.  By this time his machine, stiffly risen at me,
gave me to see it in its highest state and bravery.  He feels it himself,
seems pleas'd at its condition, and, smiling loves and graces, seizes
one of my hands, and carries it, with a gentle compulsion, to his
pride of nature, and its richest masterpiece.

I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could not
grasp, a column of the whitest ivory, beautifully streak'd with blue
veins, and carrying, fully uncapt, a head of the liveliest vermilion:
no horn could be harder or stiffer; yet no velvet more smooth or
delicious to the touch.  Presently he guided my hand lower, to that
part in which nature and pleasure keep their stores in concert, so
aptly fasten'd and hung on to the root of their first instrument and
minister, that not improperly he might be styl'd their purse-bearer
too: there he made me feel distinctly, through their soft cover, the
contents, a pair of roundish balls, that seem'd to play within, and
elude all pressure but the tenderest, from without.

But now this visit of my soft warm hand in those so sensible
parts had put every thing into such ungovernable fury that,
disdaining all further preluding, and taking advantage of my
commodious posture, he made the storm fall where I scarce
patiently expected, and where he was sure to lay it: presently, then,
I felt the stiff insertion between the yielding, divided lips of the
wound, now open for life; where the narrowness no longer put me
to intolerable pain, and afforded my lover no more difficulty than
what heighten'd his pleasure, in the strict embrace of that tender,
warm sheath, round the instrument it was so delicately adjusted to,
and which, now cased home, so gorged me with pleasure that it
perfectly suffocated me and took away my breath; then the killing
thrusts! the unnumber'd kisses! every one of which was a joy
inexpressible; and that joy lost in a crowd of yet greater blisses! But
this was a disorder too violent in nature to last long: the vessels, so
stirr'd and intensely heated, soon boil'd over, and for that time put
out the fire; meanwhile all this dalliance and disport had so far
consum'd the morning, that it became a kind of necessity to lay
breakfast and dinner into one.

In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account of
himself, every word of which was true.  He was the only son of a
father who, having a small post in the revenue, rather over-liv'd his
income, and had given this young gentleman a very slender
education: no profession had he bred him up to, but design'd to
provide for him in the army, by purchasing him an ensign's
commission, that is to say, provided he could raise the money, or
procure it by interest, either of which clauses was rather to be
wish'd than hoped for by him.  On no better a plan, however, had
this improvident father suffer'd this youth, a youth of great
promise, to run up to the age of manhood, or near it at least, in next
to idleness; and had, besides, taken no sort of pains to give him
even the common premonitions against the vices of the town, and
the dangers of all sorts, which wait the unexperienc'd and unwary
in it.  He liv'd at home, and at discretion, with his father, who
himself kept a mistress; and for the rest, provided Charles did not
ask him for money, he was indolently kind to him: he might lie out
when he pleas'd; any excuse would serve, and even his reprimands
were so slight that they carried with them rather an air of
connivance at the fault than any serious control or constraint.  But,
to supply his calls for money, Charles, whose mother was dead,
had, by her side, a grandmother who doted upon him.  She had a
considerable annuity to live on, and very regularly parted with
every shilling she could spare to this darling of hers, to the no little
heart-burn of his father; who was vex'd, not that she by this means
fed his son's extravagance, but that she preferr'd Charles to himself;
and we shall too soon see what a fatal turn such a mercenary
jealousy could operate in the breast of a father.

Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother's lavish
fondness, very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress so easily
contented as my love made me; and my good fortune, for such I
must ever call it, threw me in his way, in the manner above related,
just as he was on the look-out for one.

As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem born for
domestic happiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner'd; it
could never be his fault if ever jars or animosities ruffled a calm he
was so qualified in every way to maintain or restore.  Without those
great or shining qualities that constitute a genius, or are fit to make
a noise in the world, he had all those humble ones that compose the
softer social merit: plain common sense, set off with every grace of
modesty and good nature, made him, if not admir'd, what is much
happier, universally belov'd and esteem'd.  But, as nothing but the
beauties of his person had at first attracted my regard and fix'd my
passion, neither was I then a judge of that internal merit, which I
had afterward full occasion to discover, and which perhaps, in that
season of giddiness and levity, would have touch'd my heart very
little, had it been lodg'd in a person less the delight of my eyes and
idol of my senses.  But to return to our situation.

After dinner, which we ate a-bed in a most voluptuous disorder,
Charles got up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a few hours,
he went to town where, concerting matters with a young sharp
lawyer, they went together to my late venerable mistress's, from
whence I had, but the day before, made my elopement, and with
whom he was determin'd to settle accounts in a manner that should
cut off all after reckonings from that quarter.

Accordingly they went; but on the way, the Templar, his friend,
on thinking over Charles's information, saw reason to give their
visit another turn, and, instead of offering satisfaction, to demand it.

On being let in, the girls of the house flock'd round Charles,
whom they knew, and from the earliness of my escape, and their
perfect ignorance of his ever having so much as seen me, not having
the least suspicion of his being accessory to my flight, they were, in
their way, making up to him; and as to his companion, they took
him probably for a fresh cully.  But the Templar soon check'd their
forwardness, by enquiring for the old lady, with whom, he said,
with a grave judge-like countenance, that he had some business to
settle.

Madam was immediately sent down for, and the ladies being
desir'd to clear the room, the lawyer ask'd her, severely, if she did
know, or had not decoy'd, under pretence of hiring as a servant, a
young girl, just come out of the country, called FRANCES or
FANNY HILL, describing me withal as particularly as he could
from Charles's description.

It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; and
Mrs.  Brown, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon my
account, as knowing as she was of the town, as hackney's as she was
in bluffing through all the dangers of her vocation, could not help
being alarm'd at the question, especially when he went on to talk of
a Justice of peace, Newgate, the Old Bailey, indictments for keeping
a disorderly house, pillory, carting, and the whole process of that
nature.  She, who, it is likely, imagin'd I had lodg'd an information
against her house, look'd extremely blank, and began to make a
thousand protestations and excuses.  However, to abridge, they
brought away triumphantly my box of things, which, had she not
been under an awe, she might have disputed with them; and not
only that; but a clearance and discharge of any demands on the
house, at the expense of no more than a bowl of arrack-punch, the
treat of which, together with the choice of the house conveniences,
was offer'd and not accepted.  Charles all the time acted the chance-
companion of the lawyer, who had brought him there, as he knew
the house, and appear'd in no wise interested in the issue; but he
had the collateral pleasure of hearing all that I had told him verified,
so far as the bawd's fears would give her leave to enter into my
history, which, if one may guess by the composition she so readily
came into, were not small.

Phoebe, my kind tutoress Phoebe, was at that time gone out,
perhaps in search of me, or their cook'd-up story had not, it is
probable, pass'd so smoothly.

This negotiation had, however, taken up some time, which
would have appear'd much longer to me, left as I was, in a strange
house, if the landlady, a motherly sort of a woman, to whom
Charles had liberally recommended me, had not come up and borne
me company.  We drank tea, and her chat help'd to pass away the
time very agreeably, since he was our theme; but as the evening
deepened, and the hour set for his return was elaps'd, I could not
dispel the gloom of impatience and tender fears which gathered
upon me, and which our timid sex are apt to feel in proportion to
their love.

Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him over-paid me;
and the soft reproach I had prepar'd for him expired before it
reach'd my lips.

I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise than
awkwardly, and Charles flew to me, catched me in his arms, rais'd
and extending mine to meet his dear embrace, and gives me an
account, interrupted by many a sweet parenthesis of kisses, of the
success of his measures.

I could not help laughing at the fright the old woman had been
put into, which my ignorance, and indeed my want of innocence,
had far from prepar'd me for bespeaking.  She had, it seems,
apprehended that I fled for shelter to some relation I had recollected
in town, on my dislike of their ways and proceeding towards me,
and that this application came from thence; for, as Charles had
rightly judg'd not one neighbour had, at that still hour, seen the
circumstance of my escape into the coach, or, at least, notic'd him;
neither had any in the house the least hint or clue of suspicion of my
having spoke to him, much less of my having clapt up such a
sudden bargain with a perfect stranger: thus the greatest
improbability is not always what we should most mistrust.

We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures at
the top of their desires; and as I had most joyfully given up to
Charles the whole charge of my future happiness, I thought of
nothing beyond the exquisite pleasure of possessing him.

He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the pain
being pretty well over, I tasted, in full draughts, all the transports of
perfect enjoyment: I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fell fast asleep,
through the natural consequences of satisfied desires, and appeas'd
flames; nor did we wake but to renew'd raptures.

Thus, making the most of love and life, did we stay in this
lodging in Chelsea about ten days; in which time Charles took care
to give his excursions from home a favourable gloss, and to keep his
footing with his fond indulgent grandmother, from whom he drew
constant and sufficient supplies for the charge I was to him, and
which was very trifling, in comparision with his former less regular
course of pleasures.

Charles remov'd me then to a private ready furnish'd lodging in
D...street, St.  James's, where he paid half a guinea a week for two
rooms and a closet on the second floor, which he had been some
time looking out for, and was more convenient for the frequency of
his visits than where he had at first plac'd me, in a house which I
cannot say but I left with regret, as it was infinitely endear'd to me
by the first possession of my Charles, and the circumstance of
losing, there, that jewel which can never be twice lost.  The
landlord, however, had no reason to complain of any thing, but of a
procedure in Charles too liberal not to make him regret the loss of
us.

Arrived at our new lodgings, I remember I thought them
extremely fine, though ordinary enough, even at that price; but, had
it been a dungeon that Charles had brought me to, his presence
would have made it a little Versailles.

The landlady, Mrs.  Jones, waited on us to our apartment, and
with great volubility of tongue explain'd to us all its conveniences--
that her own maid should wait on us...that the best of quality had
lodg'd at her house...that her first floor was let to a foreign secretary
of an embassy, and his lady...that I looked like a very goodnatur'd
lady....At the word lady, I blush'd out of flatter'd vanity: this was
too strong for a girl of my condition; for though Charles had had the
precaution of dressing me in a less tawdry flaunting style than were
the cloaths I escap'd to him in, and of passing me for his wife, that
he had secretly married, and kept private (the old story) on account
of his friends, I dare swear this appear'd extremely apocryphal to a
woman who knew the town so well as she did; but that was the
least of her concern.  It was impossible to be less scruple-ridden
than she was; and the advantage of letting her rooms being her sole
object, the truth itself would have far from scandaliz'd her, or broke
her bargain.

A sketch of her picture, and personal history, will dispose you to
account for the part she is to act in my concerns.

She was about forty-six years old, tall, meagre, redhair'd, with
one of those trivial ordinary faces you meet with everywhere, and
go about unheeded and unmentioned.  In her youth she had been
kept by a gentleman who, dying, left her forty pounds a year during
her life, in consideration of a daughter he had by her; which
daughter, at the age of seven-teen, she sold, for not a very
considerable sum neither, to a gentleman who was going on Envoy
abroad, and took his purchase with him, where he us'd her with the
utmost tenderness, and it is thought, was secretly married to her:
but had constantly made a point of her not keeping up the least
correspondence with a mother base enough to make a market of her
own flesh and blood.  However, as she had no nature, nor, indeed,
any passion but that of money, this gave her no further uneasiness,
than, as she thereby lost a handle of squeezing presents, or other
after-advantages, out of the bargain.  Indifferent then, by nature of
constitution, to every other pleasure but that of increasing the lump
by any means whatever, she commenc'd a kind of private procuress,
for which she was not amiss fitted, by her grave decent appearance,
and sometimes did a job in the match-making way; in short, there
was nothing that appear'd to her under the shape of gain that she
would not have undertaken.  She knew most of the ways of the
town, having not only herself been upon, but kept up constant
intelligences in it, dealing, besides her practice in promoting a
harmony between the two sexes, in private pawn-broking and other
profitable secrets.  She rented the house she liv'd in, and made the
most of it by letting it out in lodgings; though she was worth, at
least, near three or four thousand pounds, she would not allow
herself even the necessaries of life, and pinn'd her subsistence
entirely on what she could squeeze out of her lodgers.

When she saw such a young pair come under her roof, her
immediate notions, doubtless, were how she should make the most
money of us, by every means that money might be made, and
which, she rightly judged, our situation and inexperience would
soon beget her occasions of.

In this hopeful sanctuary, and under the clutches of this harpy,
did we pitch our residence.  It will not be mighty material to you, or
very pleasant to me, to enter into a detail of all the petty cut-throat
ways and means with which she used to fleece us; all which Charles
indolently chose to bear with, rather than take the trouble of
removing, the difference of expense being scarce attended to by a
young gentleman who had no idea of stint, or even of economy, and
a raw country girl who knew nothing of the matter.

Here, however, under the wings of my sovereignly belov'd, did I
flow the most delicious hours of my life; my Charles I had, and, in
him, everything my fond heart could wish or desire.  He carried me
to plays, operas, masquerades, and every diversion of the town; all
of which pleas'd me indeed, but pleas'd me infinitely the more for
his being with me, and explaining everything to me, and enjoying,
perhaps, the natural impressions of surprize and admiration, which
such sights, at the first, never fail to excite in a country girl, new to
the delights of them; but to me, they sensibly prov'd the power and
full dominion of the sole passion of my heart over me, a passion in
which soul and body were concentre'd, and left me no room for any
other relish of life but love.

As to the men I saw at those places, or at any other, they suffer'd
so much in the comparison my eyes made of them with my all-
perfect Adonis, that I had not the infidelity even of one wandering
thought to reproach myself with upon his account.  He was the
universe to me, and all that was not him was nothing to me.

My love, in fine, was so excessive, that it arriv'd at annihilating
every suggestion or kindling spark of jealousy; for, one idea only
tending that way, gave me such exquisite torment that my self-love,
and dread of worse than death, made me for ever renounce and
defy it: nor had I, indeed, occasion; for, were I to enter here on the
recital of several instances wherein Charles sacrific'd to me women
of greater importance than I dare hint (which, considering his form,
was no such wonder), I might, indeed, give you full proof of his
unshaken constancy to me; but would not you accuse me of
warming up again a feast that my vanity ought long ago to have
been satisfy'd with?

In our cessations from active pleasure, Charles fram'd himself
one, in instructing me, as far as his own lights reach'd, in a great
many points of life that I was, in consequence of my no-education,
perfectly ignorant of: nor did I suffer one word to fall in vain from
the mouth of my lovely teacher: I hung on every syllable he utter'd,
and receiv'd as oracles, all he said; whilst kisses were all the
interruption I could not refuse myself the pleasure of admitting,
from lips that breath'd more than Arabian sweetness.

I was in a little time enabled, by the progress I had made, to
prove the deep regard I had paid to all that he had said to me:
repeating it to him almost word for word; and to shew that I was
not entirely the parrot, but that I reflected upon, that I enter'd into
it, I join'd my own comments, and ask'd him questions of
explanation.

My country accent, and the rusticity of my gait, manners, and
deportment, began now sensibly to wear off, so quick was my
observation, and so efficacious my desire of growing every day
worthier of his heart.

As to money, though he brought me constantly all he receiv'd, it
was with difficulty he even got me to give it room in my bureau;
and what clothes I had, he could prevail on me to accept of on no
other foot than that of pleasing him by the greater neatness in my
dress, beyond which I had no ambition.  I could have made a
pleasure of the greatest toil, and worked my fingers to the bone,
with joy, to have supported him: guess, then, if I could harbour any
idea of being burdensome to him, and this disinterested turn in me
was so unaffected, so much the dictate of my heart, that Charles
could not but feel it: and if he did not love me as I did him (which
was the constant and only matter of sweet contention between us),
he manag'd so, at least, as to give me the satisfaction of believing it
impossible for man to be more tender, more true, more faithful than
he was.

Our landlady, Mrs.  Jones, came frequently up to my apartment,
from whence I never stirr'd on any pretext without Charles; nor was
it long before she worm'd out, without much art, the secret of our
having cheated the church of a ceremony, and, in course, of the
terms we liv'd together upon; a circumstance which far from
displeas'd her, considering the designs she had upon me, and
which, alas! she will, too soon, have room to carry into execution.
But in the mean time, her own experience of life let her see that any
attempt, however indirect or disguis'd to divert or break, at least
presently, so strong a cement of hearts as ours was, could only end
in losing two lodgers, of whom she made very competent
advantages, if either of us came to smoke her commission; for a
commission she had from one of her customers, either to debauch,
or get me away from my keeper at any rate.

But the barbarity of my fate soon sav'd her the task of disuniting
us.  I had now been eleven months with this life of my life, which
had passed in one continu'd rapid stream of delight: but nothing so
violent was ever made to last.  I was about three months gone with
child by him, a circumstance which would have added to his
tenderness had he ever left me room to believe it could receive an
addition, when the mortal, the unexpected blow of separation fell
upon us.  I shall gallop post over the particulars, which I shudder
yet to think of, and cannot to this instant reconcile myself how, or
by what means, I could out-live it.

Two life-long days had I linger'd through without hearing from
him, I who breath'd, who existed but in him, and had never yet seen
twenty-four hours pass without seeing or hearing from him.  The
third day my impatience was so strong, my alarms had been so
severe, that I perfectly sicken'd with them; and being unable to
support the shock longer, I sunk upon the bed and ringing for Mrs.
Jones, who had far from comforted me under my anxieties, she
came up.  I had scarce breath and spirit enough to find words to beg
of her, if she would save my life, to fall upon some means of finding
out, instantly, what was become of its only prop and comfort.  She
pity'd me in a way that rather sharpen'd my affliction than
suspended it, and went out upon this commission.

Far she had not to go: Charles's father lived but at an easy
distance, in one of the streets that run into Covent Garden.  There
she went into a publick house, and from thence sent for a maid-
servant, whose name I had given her, as the properest to inform her.

The maid readily came, and as readily, when Mrs.  Jones
enquir'd of her what was become of Mr.  Charles, or whether he
was gone out of town, acquainted her with the disposal of her
master's son, which, the very day after, was no secret to the
servants.  Such sure measures had he taken, for the most cruel
punishment of his child for having more interest with his
grandmother than he had, though he made use of a pretense,
plausible enough, to get rid of him in this secret and abrupt manner,
for fear her fondness should have interpos'd a bar to his leaving
England, and proceeding on a voyage he had concerted for him;
which pretext was, that it was indispensably necessary to secure a
considerable inheritance that devolv'd to him by the death of a rich
merchant (his own brother) at one of the factories in the South-Seas,
of which he had lately receiv'd advice, together with a copy of the
will.

In consequence of which resolution to send away his son, he had,
unknown to him, made the necessary preparations for fitting him
out, struck a bargain with the captain of a ship, whose punctual
execution of his orders he had secured, by his interest with his
principal owner and patron; and, in short, concerted his measures
so secretly and effectually that whilst his son thought he was going
down the river for a few hours, he was stopt on board of a ship,
debar'd from writing, and more strictly watch'd than a State
criminal.

Thus was the idol of my soul torn from me, and forc'd on a long
voyage, without taking of one friend, or receiving one line of
comfort, except a dry explanation and instructions, from his father,
how to proceed when he should arrive at his destin'd port,
enclosing, withal, some letters of recommendation to a factor there:
all these particulars I did not learn minutely till some time after.

The maid, at the same time, added that she was sure this usage
of her sweet young master would be the death of his grand-mama,
as indeed it prov'd true; for the old lady, on hearing it, did not
survive the news a whole month; and as her fortune consisted in an
annuity, out of which she had laid up no reserves, she left nothing
worth mentioning to her so fatally envied darling, but absolutely
refus'd to see his father before she died.

When Mrs.  Jones return'd and I observ'd her looks, they seem'd
so unconcern'd, and even near to pleas'd, that I half flatter'd myself
she was going to set my tortur'd heart at ease by bringing me good
news; but this, indeed, was a cruel delusion of hope: the barbarian,
with all the coolness imaginable, stab'd me to the heart, in telling
me, succinctly, that he was sent away at least on a four years'
voyage (here she stretch'd maliciously), and that I could not expect,
in reason, ever to see him again: and all this with such prenant
circumstances that I could not help giving them credit, as in general
they were, indeed, too true!

She had hardly finish'd her report before I fainted away and
after several successive fits, all the while wild and senseless, I
miscarried of the dear pledge of my Charles's love: but the
wretched never die when it is fittest they should die, and women
are hard-liv'd to a proverb.

The cruel and interested care taken to recover me sav'd an
odious life: which, instead of the happiness and joys it had
overflow'd in, all of a sudden presented no view before me of any
thing but the depth of misery, horror, and the sharpest affliction.

Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth and constitution,
against the friendly efforts of death, which I constantly invoked to
my relief and deliverance, but which proving too weak for my wish,
I recovered at length, tho' into a state of stupefaction and despair
that threatened me with the loss of my senses, and a mad-house.

Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began to
assuage the violence of my sufferings, and to numb my feeling of
them.  My health return'd to me, though I still retain'd an air of
grief, dejection, and languor, which taking off the ruddiness of my
country complexion, render'd it rather more delicate and affecting.

The landlady had all this while officiously provided, and taken
care that I wanted for nothing: and as soon as she saw me retriev'd
into a condition of answering her purpose, one day, after we had
dined together, she congratulated me on my recovery, the merit of
which she took entirely to herself, and all this by way of
introduction to a most terrible and scurvy epilogue: "You are now, "
says she, "Miss Fanny, tolerably well, and you are very welcome to
stay in the lodgings as long as you please; you see I have ask'd you
for nothing this long time, but truly I have a call to make up a sum
of money, which must be answer'd." And, with that, presents me
with a bill of arrears for rent, diet, apothecary's charges, nurse, etc.,
sum total twenty-three pounds, seventeen and six-pence: towards
discharging of which, I had not in the world (which she well knew)
more than seven guineas, left by chance, of my dear Charles's
common stock with me.  At the same time, she desir'd me to tell her
what course I would take for payment.  I burst out into a flood of
tears and told her my condition; adding that I would sell what few
cloaths I had, and that, for the rest, I would pay her as soon as
possible.  But my distress, being favourable to her views, only
stiffen'd her the more.

She told me, very coolly, that "she was indeed sorry for my
misfortunes, but that she must do herself justice, though it would go
to the very heart of her to send such a tender young creature to
prison..." At the word "prison!" every drop of my blood chill'd, and
my fright acted so strongly upon me, that, turning as pale and faint
as a criminal at the first sight of his place of execution, I was on the
point of swooning.  My landlady, who wanted only to terrify me to
a certain point, and not to throw me into a state of body inconsistent
with her designs upon it, began to soothe me again, and told me, in
a tone compos'd to more pity and gentleness, that it would be my
own fault, if she was forc'd to proceed to such extremities; but she
believ'd there was a friend to be found in the world who would
make up matters to both our satisfactions, and that she would bring
him to drink tea with us that very afternoon, when she hoped we
would come to a right understanding in our affairs.  To all this, not
a word of answer; I sat mute, confounded, terrify'd.

Mrs.  Jones however, judging rightly that it was time to strike
while the impressions were so strong upon me, left me to my self
and to all the terrors of an imagination, wounded to death by the
idea of going to a prison, and, from a principle of self-preservation,
snatching at every glimpse of redemption from it.

In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallow'd up in grief and
despair, when my landlady came in, and observing a death-like
dejection in my countenance and still in pursuance of her plan, put
on a false pity, and bidding me be of a good heart: Things, she said,
would not be so bad as I imagined if I would be but my own friend;
and closed with telling me she had brought a very honourable
gentleman to drink tea with me, who would give me the best advice
how to get rid of all my troubles.  Upon which, without waiting for
a reply, she goes out, and returns with this very honourable
gentleman, whose very honourable procuress she had been, on this
as well as other occasions.

The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very civil
bow, which I had scarce strength, or presence of mind enough to
return a curtsy to; when the landlady, taking upon her to do all the
honours of the first interview (for I had never, that I remember'd,
seen the gentleman before), sets a chair for him, and another for
herself.  All this while not a word on either side; a stupid stare was
all the face I could put on this strange visit.

The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I suppose, to
lose any time, observing my silence and shyness before this entire
stranger: "Come, Miss Fanny," says she, in a coarse familiar style,
and tone of authority, "hold up your head, child, and do not let
sorrow spoil that pretty face of yours.  What! sorrows are only for a
time; come, be free, here is a worthy gentleman who has heard of
your misfortunes and is willing to serve you; you must be better
acquainted with him; do not you now stand upon your punctilio's,
and this and that, but make your market while you may."

At this so delicate and eloquent harangue, the gentleman, who
saw I look'd frighted and amaz'd, and indeed, incapable of
answering, took her up for breaking things in so abrupt a manner,
as rather to shock than incline me to an acceptance of the good he
intended me; then, addressing himself to me, told me he was
perfectly acquainted with my whole story and every circumstance
of my distress, which he own'd was a cruel plunge for one of my
youth and beauty to fall into; that he had long taken a liking to my
person, for which he appeal'd to Mrs.  Jones, there present, but
finding me so absolutely engag'd to another, he had lost all hopes of
succeeding till he had heard the sudden reverse of fortune that had
happen'd to me, on which he had given particular orders to my
landlady to see that I should want for nothing; and that, had he not
been forc'd abroad to The Hague, on affairs he could not refuse
himself to, he would himself have attended me during my sickness;
that on his return, which was but the day before, he had, on
learning my recovery, desir'd my landlady's good offices to
introduce him to me, and was as angry, at least, as I was shock'd, at
the manner in which she had conducted herself towards obtaining
him that happiness; but, that to shew me how much he disown'd
her procedure, and how far he was from taking any ungenerous
advantage of my situation, and from exacting any security for my
gratitude, he would before my face, that instant, discharge my debt
entirely to my landlady and give me her receipt in full; after which I
should be at liberty either to reject or grant his suit, as he was much
above putting any force upon my inclinations.

Whilst he was exposing his sentiments to me, I ventur'd just to
look up to him, and observed his figure, which was that of a very
sightly gentleman, well made, about forty, drest in a suit of plain
cloaths, with a large diamond ring on one of his fingers, the lustre of
which play'd in my eyes as he wav'd his hand in talking, and rais'd
my notions of his importance.  In short, he might pass for what is
commonly call'd a comely black man, with an air of distinction
natural to his birth and condition.

To all his speeches, however, I answer'd only in tears that flow'd
plentifully to my relief, and choking up my voice, excus'd me from
speaking, very luckily, for I should not have known what to say.

The sight, however, mov'd him, as he afterwards told me,
irresistibly, and by way of giving me some reason to be less
powerfully afflicted, he drew out his purse, and calling for pen and
ink, which the landlady was prepar'd for, paid her every farthing of
her demand, independent of a liberal gratification which was to
follow unknown to me; and taking a receipt in full, very tenderly
forc'd me to secure it, by guiding my hand, which he had thrust it
into, so as to make me passively put it into my pocket.

Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melancholy despair, as
my spirits could not yet recover from the violent shocks they had
receiv'd; and the accommodating landlady had actually left the
room, and me alone with this strange gentleman, before I observ'd
it, and then I observ'd it without alarm, for I was now lifeless and
indifferent to everything.

The gentleman, however, no novice in affairs of this sort, drew
near me; and under the pretence of comforting me, first with his
handkerchief dried my tears as they ran down my cheeks: presently
he ventur'd to kiss me: on my part, neither resistance nor
compliance.  I sat stock-still; and now looking on myself as bought
by the payment that had been transacted before me, I did not care
what became of my wretched body: and, wanting life, spirits, or
courage to oppose the least struggle, even that of the modesty of my
sex, I suffer'd, tamely, whatever the gentleman pleased; who
proceeding insensibly from freedom to freedom, insinuated his
hand between my handkerchief and bosom, which he handled at
discretion: finding thus no repulse, and that every thing favour'd,
beyond expectation, the completion of his desires, he took me in his
arms, and bore me, without life or motion, to the bed, on which
laying me gently down, and having me at what advantage he
pleas'd, I did not so much as know what he was about, till
recovering from a trance of lifeless insensibility, I found him buried
in me, whilst I lay passive and innocent of the least sensation of
pleasure: a death-cold corpse could scarce have less life or sense in
it.  As soon as he had thus pacified a passion which had too little
respected the condition I was in, he got off, and after recomposing
the disorder of my cloaths, employ'd himself with the utmost
tenderness to calm the transports of remorse and madness at myself
with which I was seized, too late, I confess, for having suffer'd on
that bed the embraces of an utter stranger.  I tore my hair, wrung
my hands, and beat my breast like a mad-woman.  But when my
new master, for in that light I then view'd him, applied himself to
appease me, as my whole rage was levell'd at myself, no part of
which I thought myself permitted to aim at him, I begged of him,
with more submission than anger, to leave me alone that I might, at
least, enjoy my affliction in quiet.  This he positively refused, for
fear, as he pretended, I should do myself a mischief.

Violent passions seldom last long, and those of women least of
any.  A dead still calm succeeded this storm, which ended in a
profuse shower of tears.

Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I should
have ever known any man but Charles, I would have spit in his face;
or had I been offer'd infinitely a greater sum of money than that I
saw paid for me, I had spurn'd the proposal in cold blood.  But our
virtues and our vices depend too much on our circumstances;
unexpectedly beset as I was, betray'd by a mind weakened by a long
severe affliction, and stunn'd with the terrors of a jail, my defeat
will appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not present at,
or a party in any sense, to it.  However, as the first enjoyment is
decisive, and he was now over the bar, I thought I had no longer a
right to refuse the caresses of one that had got that advantage over
me, no matter how obtain'd; conforming myself then to this maxim,
I consider'd myself as so much in his power that I endur'd his kisses
and embraces without affecting struggles or anger; not that they, as
yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevail'd over the aversion of my soul
to give myself up to any sensation of that sort; what I suffer'd, I
suffer'd out of a kind of gratitude, and as a matter of course after
what had pass'd.

He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the renewal of
those extremities which had thrown me, just before, into such
violent agitations; but, now secure of possession, contented himself
with bringing me to temper by degrees, and waiting at the hand of
time for those fruits of generosity and courtship which he since
often reproach'd himself with having gather'd much too green,
when, yielding to the invitations of my inability to resist him, and
overborne by desires, he had wreak'd his passion on a mere lifeless,
spiritless body dead to all purposes of joy, since, taking none, it
ought to be suppos'd incapable of giving any.  This is, however,
certain; my heart never thoroughly forgave him the manner in
which I had fallen to him, although, in point of interest, I had reason
to be pleas'd that he found, in my person, wherewithal to keep him
from leaving me as easily as he had gained me.

The evening was, in the mean time, so far advanc'd, that the
maid came in to lay the cloth for supper, when I understood, with
joy, that my landlady, whose sight was present poison to me, was
not to be with us.

Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduc'd, and a bottle
of Burgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on a dumb-waiter.

The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with a
tender warmth, that I should sit up in the elbow chair by the fire,
and see him eat if I could not be prevailed on to eat myself.  I obey'd
with a heart full of affliction, at the comparison it made between
those delicious tete-a-tetes with my ever dear youth, and this forc'd
situation, this new awkward scene, impos'd and obtruded on me by
cruel necessity.

At supper, after a great many arguments used to comfort and
reconcile me to my fate, he told me that his name was H..., brother
to the Earl of L...and that having, by the suggestions of my
landlady, been led to see me, he had found me perfectly to his taste
and given her a commission to procure me at any rate, and that he
had at length succeeded, as much to his satisfaction as he
passionately wished it might be to mine; adding, withal, some
flattering assurances that I should have no cause to repent my
knowledge of him.

I had now got down at most half a partridge, and three or four
glasses of wine, which he compelled me to drink by way of
restoring nature; but whether there was anything extraordinary put
into the wine, or whether there wanted no more to revive the
natural warmth of my constitution and give fire to the old train, I
began no longer to look with that constraint, not to say disgust, on
Mr.  H..., which I had hitherto done; but, withal, there was not the
least grain of love mix'd with this softening of my sentiments: any
other man would have been just the same to me as Mr.  H..., that
stood in the same circumstances and had done for me, and with me,
what he had done.

There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, if not at
an end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been so long
overloaded with anguish and vexation, began to dilate and open to
the least gleam of diversion or amusement.  I wept a little, and my
tears reliev'd me; I sigh'd, and my sighs seem'd to lighten me of a
load that oppress'd me; my countenance grew, if not cheerful, at
least more compos'd and free.

Mr.  H..., who had watched, perhaps brought on this change,
knew too well not to seize it; he thrust the table imperceptibly from
between us, and bringing his chair to face me, he soon began, after
preparing me by all the endearments of assurances and
protestations, to lay hold of my hands, to kiss me, and once more to
make free with my bosom, which, being at full liberty from the
disorder of a loose dishabille, now panted and throbb'd, less with
indignation than with fear and bashfulness at being used so
familiarly by still a stranger.  But he soon gave me greater occasion
to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hand above my
garters: thence he strove to regain the pass, which he had before
found so open, and unguarded: but not he could not unlock the
twist of my thighs; I gently complained, and begg'd him to let me
alone; told him I was now well.  However, as he saw there was
more form and ceremony in my resistance than good earnest, he
made his conditions for desisting from pursuing his point that I
should be put instantly to bed, whilst he gave certain orders to the
landlady, and that he would return in an hour, when he hoped to
find me more recondil'd to his passion for me than I seem'd at
present.  I neither assented nor deny'd, but my air and manner of
receiving this proposal gave him to see that I did not think myself
enough my own mistress to refuse it.

Accordingly he went out and left me, when, a minute or two
after, before I could recover myself into any composure for
thinking, the maid came in with her mistress's service, and a small
silver porringer of what she called a bridal posset, and desir'd me to
eat it as I went to bed, which consequently I did, and felt
immediately a heat, a fire run like a hue-and-cry thro' every part of
my body; I burnt, I glow'd, and wanted even little of wishing for
any man.

The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle away, and
wishing me a good night, went out of the room and shut the door
after her.

She had hardly time to get down-stairs before Mr.  H...open'd
my room-door softly, and came in, now undress'd in his night-gown
and cap, with two lighted wax candles, and bolting the door, gave
me, tho' I expected him, some sort of alarm.  He came a tip-toe to
the bed-side, and said with a gentle whisper: "Pray, my dear, do not
be startled...I will be very tender and kind to you." He then hurry'd
off his cloaths, and leap'd into bed, having given me openings
enough, whilst he was stripping, to observe his brawny structure,
strong-made limbs, and rough shaggy breast.

The bed shook again when it receiv'd this new load.  He lay on
the outside, where he kept the candles burning, no doubt for the
satisfaction of ev'ry sense; for as soon as he had kiss'd me, he rolled
down the bed-cloaths, and seemed transported with the view of all
my person at full length, which he cover'd with a profusion of
kisses, sparing no part of me.  Then, being on his knees between my
legs, he drew up his shirt and bared all his hairy thighs, and stiff
staring truncheon, red-topt and rooted into a thicket of curls, which
covered his belly to the navel and gave it the air of a flesh brush;
and soon I felt it joining close to mine, when he had drove the nail
up to the head, and left no partition but the intermediate hair on
both sides.

Part 4

I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive, he soon gave
nature such a powerful summons down to her favourite quarters,
that she could no longer refuse repairing thither; all my animal
spirits then rush'd mechanically to that center of attraction, and
presently, inly warmed, and stirr'd as I was beyond bearing, I lost
all restraint, and yielding to the force of the emotion, gave down, as
mere woman, those effusions of pleasure, which, in the strictness of
still faithful love, I could have wished to have held up.

Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between this
impression of a pleasure merely animal, and struck out of the
collision of the sexes by a passive bodily effect, from that sweet
fury, that rage of active delight which crowns the enjoyments of a
mutual love-passion, where two hearts, tenderly and truly united,
club to exalt the joy, and give it a spirit and soul that bids defiance
to that end which mere momentary desires generally terminate in,
when they die of a surfeit of satisfaction!

Mr.  H..., whom no distinctions of that sort seemed to disturb,
scarce gave himself or me breathing time from the last encounter,
but, as if he had task'd himself to prove that the appearances of his
vigour were not signs hung out in vain, in a few minutes he was in a
condition for renewing the onset; to which, preluding with a storm
of kisses, he drove the same course as before, with unabated
fervour; and thus, in repeated engagements, kept me constantly in
exercise till dawn of morning; in all which time he made me fully
sensible of the virtues of his firm texture of limbs, his square
shoulders, broad chest, compact hard muscles, in short a system of
namliness that might pass for no bad image of our ancient sturdy
barons, when they wielded the battle-ax: whose race is now so
thoroughly refin'd and frittered away into the more delicate and
modern-built frame of our pap-nerv'd softlings, who are as pale, as
pretty, and almost as masculine as their sisters.

Mr.  H..., content, however, with having the day break upon his
triumphs, delivered me up to the refreshment of a rest we both
wanted, and we soon dropped into a profound sleep.

Tho' he was some time awake before me, yet did he not offer to
disturb a repose he had given me so much occasion for; but on my
first stirring, which was not till past ten o'clock, I was oblig'd to
endure one more trial of his manhood.

About eleven, in came Mrs.  Jones, with two basins of the richest
soup, which her experience in these matters had mov'd her to
prepare.  I pass over the fulsome compliments, the cant of the
decent procuress, with which she saluted us both; but tho' my blood
rose at the sight of her, I supprest my emotions, and gave all my
concern to reflections on what would be the consequence of this
new engagement.

But Mr.  H..., who penetrated my uneasiness, did not long suffer
me to languish under it.  He acquainted me that, having taken a
solid sincere affection to me, he would begin by giving me one
leading mark of it by removing me out of a house which must, for
many reasons, be irksome and disagreeable to me, into convenient
lodgings, where he would take all imaginable care of me; and
desiring me not to have any explanations with my landlady, or be
impatient till he returned, he dress'd and went out, having left me a
purse with two and twenty guineas in it, being all he had about him,
as he expresst it, to keep my pocket till further supplies.

As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence of the first
launch into vice (for my love-attachment to Charles never appear'd
to me in that light).  I was instantly borne away down the stream,
without making back to the shore.  My dreadful necessities, my
gratitude, and above all, to say the plain truth, the dissipation and
diversion I began to find, in this new acquaintance, from the black
corroding thoughts my heart had been a prey to ever since the
absence of my dear Charles, concurr'd to stun all contrary
reflections.  If I now thought of my first, my only charmer, it was
still with the tenderness and regret of the fondest love, embitter'd
with the consciousness that I was no longer worthy of him.  I could
have begg'd my bread with him all over the world, but wretch that I
was, I had neither the virtue nor courage requisite not to outlive my
separation from him!

Yet, had not my heart been thus pre-ingaged, Mr.  H...might
probably have been the sole master of it; but the place was full, and
the force of conjunctures alone had made him the possessor of my
person; the charms of which had, by the bye, been his sole object
and passion, and were, of course, no foundation for a love either
very delicate or very durable.

He did not return till six in the evening to take me away to my
new lodgings; and my moveables being soon pack'd, and convey'd
into a hackney-coach, it cost me but little regret to take my leave of
a landlady whom I thought I had so much reason not to be
overpleas'd with; and as for her part, she made no other difference
to my staying or going, but what that of the profit created.

We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was that of a
plain tradesman who, on the score of interest, was entirely at Mr.
H...'s devotion, and who let him the first floor, very genteelly
furnish'd, for two guineas a week, of which I was instated mistress,
with a maid to attend me.

He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper from a
neighbouring tavern, after which, and a gay glass or two, the maid
put me to bed.  Mr.  H...soon follow'd, and notwithstanding the
fatigues of the preceding night, I found no quarter nor remission
from him: he piqued himself, as he told me, on doing the honours of
my new apartment.

The morning being pretty well advanc'd, we got to breakfast;
and the ice now broke, my heart, no longer engross'd by love, began
to take ease, and to please itself with such trifles as Mr.  H...'s liberal
liking led him to make his court to the usual vanity of our sex.
Silks, laces, ear-rings, pearl-necklace, gold watch, in short, all the
trinkets and articles of dress were lavishly heap'd upon me; the
sense of which, if it did not create returns of love, forc'd a kind of
grateful fondness something like love; a distinction it would be
spoiling the pleasure of nine tenths of the keepers in the town to
make, and is, I suppose, the very good reason why so few of them
ever do make it.

I was now establish'd the kept mistress in form, well lodg'd, with
a very sufficient allowance, and lighted up with all the lustre of
dress.

Mr.  H...continu'd kind and tender to me; yet, with all this, I was
far from happy; for, besides my regret for my dear youth, which,
though often suspended or diverted, still return'd upon me in
certain melancholic, moments with redoubled violences, I wanted
more society, more dissipation.

As to Mr.  H..., he was so much my superior in every sense, that
I felt it too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude I ow'd him.
Thus he gain'd my esteem, though he could not raise my taste; I was
qualify'd for no sort of conversation with him except one sort, and
that is a satisfaction which leaves tiresome intervals, if not fill'd up
by love, or other amusements.

Mr.  H..., so experienc'd, so learned in the ways of women,
numbers of whom had passed through his hands, doubtless soon
perceiv'd this uneasiness, and without approving or liking me the
better for it, had the complaisance to indulge me.

He made suppers at my lodgings, where he brought several
companions of his pleasures, with their mistresses; and by this
means I got into a circle of acquaintance that soo strip'd me of all
the remains of bashfulness and modesty which might be yet left of
my country education, and were, to a just taste, perhaps the greatest
of my charms.

We visited one another in form, and mimic'd, as near as we
could, all the miseries, the follies, and impertinences of the women
of quality, in the round of which they trifle away their time, without
its ever entering into their little heads that on earth there cannot
subsist any thing more silly, more flat, more insipid and worthless,
than, generally consider'd, their system of life is: they ought to treat
the men as their tyrants, indeed! were they to condemn them to it.

But tho', amongst the kept mistresses (and I was now acquainted
with a good many, besides some useful matrons, who live by their
connexions with them), I hardly knew one that did not perfectly
detest her keeper, and, of course, made little or no scruple of any
infidelity she could safely accomplish, I had still no notion of
wronging mine; for, besides that no mark of jealousy on his side
induced in me the desire or gave me the provocation to play him a
trick of that sort, and that his constant generosity, politeness, and
tender attentions to please me forc'd a regard to him, that without
affecting my heart, insur'd him my fidelity, no object had yet
presented that could overcome the habitual liking I had contracted
for him; and I was on the eve of obtaining, from the movements of
his own voluntary generosity, a modest provision for life, when an
accident happen'd which broke all the measures he had resolv'd
upon in my favor.

I had now liv'd near seven months with Mr.  H..., when one day
returning to my lodgings from a visit in the neighbourhood, where I
us'd to stay longer, I found the street door open, and the maid of the
house standing at it, talking with some of her acquaintances, so that
I came in without knocking; and, as I passed by, she told me Mr.
H...was above.  I stept up-stairs into my own bed-chamber, with no
other thought than of pulling off my hat, etc., and then to wait upon
him in the dining room, into which my bed-chamber had a door, as
is common enough.  Whilst I was untying my hat-strings, I fancied I
heard my maid Hannah's voice and a sort of tussle, which raising
my curiosity, I stole softly to the door, where a knot in the wood
had been slipt out and afforded a very commanding peep-hole to
the scene then in agitation, the actors of which had been too
earnestly employ'd to hear my opening my own door, from the
landing-place of the stairs, into my bed-chamber.

The first sight that struck me was Mr.  H...pulling and hauling
this coarse country strammel towards a couch that stood in a corner
of the dining room; to which the girl made only a sort of awkward
boidening resistance, crying out so loud, that I, who listened at the
door, could scarce hear her: "Pray sir, don't..., let me alone...I am not
for your turn...You cannot, sure, demean yourself with such a poor
body as I...Lord! Sir, my mistress may come home...I must not
indeed...I will cry out..."  All of which did not hinder her from
insensibly suffering herself to be brought to the foot of the couch,
upon which a push of no mighty violence serv'd to give her a very
easy fall, and my gentleman having got up his hands to the strong-
hold of her VIRTUE, she, no doubt, thought it was time to give up
the argument, and that all further defense would be in vain: and he,
throwing her petticoats over her face, which was now as red as
scarlet, discover'd a pair of stout, plump, substantial thighs, and
tolerably white; he mounted them round his hips, and coming out
with his drawn weapon, stuck it in the cloven spot, where he seem'd
to find a less difficult entrance than perhaps he had flatter'd himself
with (for, by the way, this blouze had left her place in the country,
for a bastard), and, indeed, all his motions shew'd he was lodg'd
pretty much at large.  After he had done, his DEAREE gets up,
drops her petticoats down, and smooths her apron and
handkerchief.  Mr.  H...look'd a little silly, and taking out some
money, gave it her, with an air indifferent enough, bidding her be a
good girl, and say nothing.

Had I lov'd this man, it was not in nature for me to have had
patience to see the whole scene through: I should have broke in and
play'd the jealous princess with a vengeance.  But that was not the
case, my pride alone was hurt, my heart not, and I could easier win
upon myself to see how far he would go, till I had no uncertainty
upon my conscience.

The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being now over, I
retir'd softly into my closet, where I began to consider what I should
do.  My first scheme, naturally, was to rush in and upbraid them;
this, indeed, flatter'd my present emotions and vexations, as it
would have given immediate vent to them; but, on second thoughts,
not being so clear as to the consequences to be apprehended from
such a step, I began to doubt whether it was not better to dissemble
my discovery till a safer season, when Mr.  H...should have
perfected the settlement he had made overtures to me of, and which
I was not to think such a violent explanation, as I was indeed not
equal to the management of, could possibly forward, and might
destroy.  On the other hand, the provocation seem'd too gross, too
flagrant, not to give me some thoughts of revenge; the very start of
which idea restor'd me to perfect composure; and delighted as I was
with the confus'd plan of it in my head, I was easily mistress enough
of myself to support the part of ignorance I had prescrib'd to myself;
and as all this circle of reflections was instantly over, I stole a tip-toe
to the passage door, and opening it with a noise, pass'd for having
that moment come home; and after a short pause, as if to pull off
my things, I opened the door into the dining room, where I found
the dowdy blowing the fire, and my faithful shepherd walking
about the room and whistling, as cool and unconcern'd as if nothing
had happened.  I think, however, he had not much to brag of having
out-dissembled me: for I kept up, nobly, the character of our sex for
art, and went up to him with the same air of frankness as I had ever
receiv'd him.  He stayed but a little while, made some excuse for not
being able to stay the evening with me, and went out.

As for the wench, she was now spoil'd, at least for my servant;
and scarce eight and forty hours were gone round, before her
insolence, on what had pass'd between Mr.  H...and her, gave me so
fair an occasion to turn her away, at a minute's warning, that not to
have done it would have been the wonder: so that he could neither
disapprove it nor find in it the least reason to suspect my original
motive.  What became of her afterwards, I know not; but generous
as Mr.  H...was, he undoubtedly made her amends: though, I dare
answer, that he kept up no farther commerce with her of that sort;
as his stooping to such a coarse morsel was only a sudden sally of
lust, on seeing a wholesome-looking, buxom country-wench, and no
more strange than hunger, or even a whimsical appetite's making a
fling meal of neck-beef, for change of diet.

Had I consider'd this escapade of Mr.  H...in no more than that
light and contented myself with turning away the wench, I had
thought and acted right; but, flush'd as I was with imaginary
wrongs, I should have held Mr.  H...to have been cheaply off, if I
had not push'd my revenge farther, and repaid him, as exactly as I
could for the soul of me, in the same coin.

Nor was this worthy act of justice long delay'd: I had it too much
at heart.  Mr.  H...had, about a fortnight before, taken into his
service a tenant's son, just come out of the country, a very
handsome young lad scarce turn'd of nineteen, fresh as a rose, well
shap'd and clever limb'd: in short, a very good excuse for any
woman's liking, even tho' revenge had been out of the question; any
woman, I say, who was disprejudic'd, and had wit and spirit
enough to prefer a point of pleasure to a point of pride.

Mr.  H...had clap'd a livery upon him; and his chief employ was,
after being shewn my lodgings, to bring and carry letters or
messages between his master and me; and as the situation of all
kept ladies is not the fittest to inspire respect, even to the meanest of
mankind, and, perhaps, less of it from the most ignorant, I could not
help observing that this lad, who was, I suppose, acquainted with
my relation to his master by his fellow-servants, used to eye me in
that bashful confus'd way, more expressive, more moving and
readier catch'd at by our sex, than any other declarations whatever:
my figure had, it seems, struck him, and modest and innocent as he
was, he did not himself know that the pleasure he took in looking at
me was love, or desire; but his eyes, naturally wanton, and now
enflam'd with passion, spoke a great deal more than he durst have
imagin'd they did.  Hitherto, indeed, I had only taken notice of the
comeliness of the youth, but without the least design: my pride
alone would have guarded me from a thought that way, had not
Mr.  H...'s condescension with my maid, where there was not half
the temptation in point of person, set me a dangerous example; but
now I began to look on this stripling as every way a delicious
instrument of my design'd retaliation upon Mr.  H...of an obligation
for which I should have made a conscience to die in his debt.

In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of my
scheme, for two or three times that the young fellow came to me
with messages, I manag'd so, as without affectation to have him
admitted to my bed-side, or brought to me at my toilet, where I was
dressing; and by carelessly shewing or letting him see, as if without
meaning or design, sometimes my bosom rather more bare than it
should be; sometimes my hair, of which I had a very fine head, in
the natural flow of it while combing; sometimes a neat leg, that had
unfortunately slipt its garter, which I made no scruple of tying
before him, easily gave him the impressions favourable to my
purpose, which I could perceive to sparkle in his eyes, and glow in
his cheeks: then certain slight squeezes by the hand, as I took letters
from him, did his business compleatly.

When I saw him thus mov'd, and fired for my purpose, I
inflam'd him yet more, by asking him several leading questions,
such as had he a mistress?...was she prettier than me?...could he
love such a one as I was?...and the like; to all which the blushing
simpleton answer'd to my wish, in a strain of perfect nature, perfect
undebauch'd innocence, but with all the awkwardness and
simplicity of countrybreeding.

When I thought I had sufficiently ripen'd him for the laudable
point I had in view, one day that I expected him at a particular
hour, I took care to have the coast clear for the reception I design'd
him; and, as I laid it, he came to the dining-room door, tapped at it,
and, on my bidding him come in, he did so, and shut the door after
him.  I desir'd him, then, to bolt it on the inside, pretending it would
not otherwise keep shut.

I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the scene of Mr.
H...'s polite joys, in an undress which was with all the art of
negligence flowing loose, and in a most tempting disorder: no stay,
no hoop...no incumbrance whatever.  On the other hand, he stood at
a little distance, that gave me a full view of a fine featur'd, shapely,
healthy country lad, breathing the sweets of fresh blooming youth;
his hair, which was of a perfect shining black, play'd to his face in
natural side-curls, and was set out with a smart tuck-up behind;
new buckskin breeches, that, clipping close, shew'd the shape of a
plump, well made thigh; white stockings, garter-lac'd livery,
shoulder knot, altogether compos'd a figure in which the beauties of
pure flesh and blood appeared under no disgrace form the lowness
of a dress, to which a certain spruce neatness seems peculiarly
fitted.

I bid him come towards me and give me his letter, at the same
time throwing down, carelessly, a book I had in my hands.  He
colour'd, and came within reach of delivering me the letter, which
he held out, awkwardly enough, for me to take, with his eyes
riveted on my bosom, which was, through the design'd disorder of
my handkerchief, sufficiently bare, and rather shaded than hid.  I,
smiling in his face, took the letter, and immediately catching gently
hold of his shirt sleeve, drew him towards me, blushing, and almost
trembling; for surely his extreme bashfulness, and utter
inexperience, call'd for, at least, all the advances to encourage him:
his body was now conveniently inclin'd towards me, and just softly
chucking his smooth beardless chin, I asked him if he was afraid of
a lady?..., and, with that took, and carrying his hand to my breasts, I
prest it tenderly to them.  They were now finely furnish'd, and
rais'd in flesh, so that, panting with desire, they rose and fell, in
quick heaves, under his touch: at this, the boy's eyes began to
lighten with all the fires of inflam'd nature, and his cheeks flush'd
with a deep scarlet: tongue-tied with joy, rapture, and bashfulness,
he could not speak, but then his looks, his emotion, sufficiently
satisfy'd me that my train had taken, and that I had no
disappointment to fear.

My lips, which I threw in his way, so as that he could not escape
kissing them, fix'd, fired, and embolden'd him: and now, glancing
my eyes towards that part of his dress which cover'd the essential
object of enjoyment, I plainly discover'd the swell and commotion
there; and as I was now too far advanc'd to stop in so fair a way,
and was indeed no longer able to contain myself, or wait the slower
progress of his maiden bashfulness (for such it seem'd, and really
was), I stole my hand upon his thighs, down one of which I could
both see and feel a stiff hard body, confin'd by his breeches, that my
fingers could discover no end to.  Curious then, and eager to unfold
so alarming a mystery, playing, as it were, with his buttons, which
were bursting ripe from the active force within, those of his
waistband and fore-flap flew open at a touch, when out IT started;
and now, disengag'd from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and
surprise, what? not the play-thing of a boy, not the weapon of a
man, but a maypole of so enormous a standard, that had
proportions been observ'd, it must have belong'd to a young giant.
Its prodigious size made me shrink again; yet I could not, without
pleasure, behold, and even ventur'd to feel, such a length, such a
breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well turn'd and fashion'd, the
proud stiffness of which distended its skin, whose smooth polish
and velvet softness might vie with that of the most delicate of our
sex, and whose exquisite whiteness was not a little set off by a
sprout of black curling hair round the root, through the jetty sprigs
of which the fair skin shew'd as in a fine evening you may have
remark'd the clear light ether throught the branchwork of distant
trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the broad and blueish-
casted incarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins,
altogether compos'd the most striking assemblage of figure and
colours in nature.  In short, it stood an object of terror and delight.

But what was yet more surprising, the owner of this natural
curiosity, through the want of occasions in the strictness of his
home-breeding, and the little time he had been in town not having
afforded him one, was hitherto an absolute stranger, in practice at
least, to the use of all that manhood he was so nobly stock'd with;
and it now fell to my lot to stand his first trial of it, if I could resolve
to run the risks of its disproportion to that tender part of me, which
such an oversiz'd machine was very fit to lay in ruins.

But it was now of the latest to deliberate; for, by this time, the
young fellow, overheated with the present objects, and too high
mettled to be longer curb'd in by that modesty and awe which had
hitherto restrain'd him, ventur'd, under the stronger impulse and
instructive promptership of nature alone, to slip his hands,
trembling with eager impetuous desires, under my petticoats; and
seeing, I suppose, nothing extremely severe in my looks to stop or
dash him, he feels out, and seizes, gently, the center-spot of his
ardours.  Oh then! the fiery touch of his fingers determines me, and
my fears melting away before the glowing intolerable heat, my
thighs disclose of themselves, and yield all liberty to his hand: and
now, a favourable movement giving my petticoats a toss, the
avenue lay too fair, too open to be miss'd.  He is now upon me: I
had placed myself with a jet under him, as commodious and open
as possible to his attempts, which were untoward enough, for his
machine, meeting with no inlet, bore and batter'd stiffly against me
in random pushes, now above, now below, now beside his point;
till, burning with impatience from its irritating touches, I guided
gently, with my hand, this furious engine to where my young
novice was now to be taught his first lesson of pleasure.  Thus he
nick'd, at length, the warm and insufficient orifice; but he was made
to find no breach impracticable, and mine, tho' so often enter'd, was
still far from wide enough to take him easily in.

By my direction, however, the head of his unwieldy machine
was so critically pointed that, feeling him foreright against the
tender opening, a favourable motion from me met his timely thrust,
by which the lips of it, strenuously dilated, gave way to his thus
assisted impetuosity, so that we might both feel that he had gain'd a
lodgement.  Pursuing then his point, he soon, by violent, and, to me,
most painful piercing thrusts, wedges himself at length so far in, as
to be now tolerably secure of his entrance: here he stuck, and I now
felt such a mixture of pleasure and pain, as there is no giving a
definition of.  I dreaded alike his splitting me farther up, or his
withdrawing; I could not bear either to keep or part with him.  The
sense of pain however prevailing, from his prodigious size and
stiffness, acting upon me in those continued rapid thrusts, with
which he furiously pursu'd his penetration, made me cry out gently:
"Oh! my dear, you hurt me!" This was enough to check the tender
respectful boy even in his midcareer; and he immediately drew out
the sweet cause of my complaint, whilst his eyes eloquently
express'd, at once, his grief for hurting me, and his reluctance at
dislodging from quarters of which the warmth and closeness had
given him a gust of pleasure that he was now desire-mad to satisfy,
and yet too much a novice not to be afraid of my withholding his
relief, on account of the pain he had put me to.

But I was, myself, far from being pleas'd with his having too
much regarded my tender exclaims; for now, more and more fired
with the object before me, as it still stood with the fiercest erection,
unbonnetted, and displaying its broad bermilion head, I first gave
the youth a re-encouraging kiss, which he repaid me with a fervour
that seem'd at once to thank me, and bribe my farther compliance;
and soon replac'd myself in a posture to receive, at all risks, the
renew'd invasion, which he did not delay an instant: for, being
presently remounted, I once more felt the smooth hard gristle
forcing an entrance, which he achiev'd rather easier than before.
Pain'd, however, as I was, with his efforts of gaining a complete
admission, which he was so regardful as to manage by gentle
degrees, I took care not to complain.   In the meantime, the soft
strait passage gradually loosens, yields, and, stretch'd to its utmost
bearing, by the stiff, thick, indriven engine, sensible, at once, to the
ravishing pleasure of the feel and the pain of the distension, let him
in about half way, when all the most nervous activity he now
exerted, to further his penetration, gain'd him not an inch of his
purpose: for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis of pleasure
overtook him, and the close compressure of the warm surrounding
fold drew from him the extatic gush, even before mine was ready to
meet it, kept up by the pain I had endur'd in the course of the
engagement, from the insufferable size of his weapon, tho' it was
not as yet in above half its length.

I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would draw, but
was pleasantly disappointed: for he was not to be let off so.  The
well breath'd youth, hot-mettled, and flush with genial juices, was
now fairly in for making me know my driver.  As soon, then, as he
had made a short pause, waking, as it were, out of the trance of
pleasure (in which every sense seem'd lost for a while, whilst, with
his eyes shut, and short quick breathing, he had yielded down his
maiden tribute), he still kept his post, yet unsated with enjoyment,
and solacing in these so new delights; till his stiffness, which had
scarce perceptibly remitted, being thoroughly recovered to him,
who had not once unsheath'd, he proceeded afresh to cleave and
open to himself an entire entry into me, which was not a little made
easy to him by the balsamic injection with which he had just
plentifully moisten'd the whole internals of the passage.
Redoubling, then, the active energy of his thrusts, favoured by the
fervid appetite of my motions, the soft oiled wards can no longer
stand so effectual a picklock, but yield, and open him an entrance.
And now, with conspiring nature, and my industry, strong to aid
him, he pierces, penetrates, and at length, winning his way inch by
inch, gets entirely in, and finally mighty thrust sheaths it up to the
guard; on the information of which, from the close jointure of our
bodies (insomuch that the hair on both sides perfectly interweav'd
and incircl'd together), the eyes of the transported youth sparkl'd
with more joyous fires, and all his looks and motions acknowledged
excess of pleasure, which I now began to share, for I felt him in my
very vitals! I was quite sick with delight! stir'd beyond bearing with
its furious agitations within me, and gorged and cramm'd, even to
surfeit.  Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till his broken
breathings, faltering accents, eyes twinkling with humid fires,
lunges more furious, and an increased stiffness, gave me to hail the
approaches of the second period: it came...and the sweet youth,
overpower'd with the extasy, died away in my arms, melting in a
flood that shot in genial warmth into the innermost recesses of my
body; every conduit of which, dedicated to that pleasure, was on
flow to mix with it.  Thus we continued for some instants, lost,
breathless, senseless of every thing, and in every part but those
favourite ones of nature, in which all that we enjoyed of life and
sensation was now totally concentre'd.

When our mutual trance was a little over, and the young fellow
had withdrawn that delicious stretcher, with which he had most
plentifully drowned all thoughts of revenge in the sense of actual
pleasure, the widen'd wounded passage refunded a stream of
pearly liquids, which flowed down my thighs, mixed with streaks
of blood, the marks of the ravage of that montrous machine of his,
which had now triumph'd over a kind of second maidenhead.  I
stole, however, my handkerchief to those parts, and wip'd them as
dry as I could, whilst he was re-adjusting and buttoning up.

I made him now sit down by me, and as he had gather'd courage
from such extreme intimacy, he gave me an aftercourse of pleasure,
in a natural burst of tender gratitude and joy, at the new scenes of
bliss I had opened to him: scenes positively new, as he had never
before had the least acquaintance with that mysterious mark, the
cloven stamp of female distinction, tho' nobody better qualify'd than
he to penetrate into its deepest recesses, or do it nobler justice.  But
when, by certain motions, certain unquietnesses of his hands, that
wandered not without design, I found he languish'd for satisfying a
curiosity, natural enough, to view and handle those parts which
attract and concentre the warmest force of imagination, charmed as
I was to have any occasion of obliging and humouring his young
desires, I suffer'd him to proceed as he pleased, without check or
control, to the satisfaction of them.

Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of myself to
all his wishes, he scarce pleased himself more than me when, having
insinuated his hand under my petticoat and shift, he presently
removed those bars to the sight by slyly lifting them upwards,
under favour of a thousand kisses, which he thought, perhaps,
necessary to divert my attention from what he was about.  All my
drapery being now roll'd up to my waist, I threw myself into such a
posture upon the couch, as gave up to him, in full view, the whole
region of delight, and all the luxurious landscape round it.  The
transported youth devour'd every thing with his eyes, and try'd,
with his fingers, to lay more open to his sight the secrets of that
dark and delicious deep: he opens the folding lips, the softness of
which, yielding entry to any thing of a hard body, close round it,
and oppose the sight: and feeling further, meets with, and wonders
at, a soft fleshy excrescence, which, limber and relaxed after the late
enjoyment, now grew, under the touch and examination of his fiery
fingers, more and more stiff and considerable, till the titillating
ardours of that so sensible part made me sigh, as if he had hurt me;
on which he withdrew his curious probing fingers, asking me
pardon, as it were, in a kiss that rather increased the flame there.

Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and in pleasures,
especially; no wonder, then, that he was swallowed up in raptures
of admiration of things so interesting by their nature, and now seen
and handled for the first time.  On my part, I was richly overpaid
for the pleasure I gave him, in that of examining the power of those
objects thus abandon'd to him, naked and free to his loosest wish,
over the artless, natural stripling: his eyes streaming fire, his cheeks
glowing with a florid red, his fervid frequent sighs, whilst his hands
convulsively squeez'd, opened, pressed together again the lips and
sides of that deep flesh wound, or gently twitched the overgrowing
moss; and all proclaimed the excess, the riot of joys, in having his
wantonness thus humour'd.  But he did not long abuse my patience,
for the objects before him had now put him by all his, and, coming
out with that formidable machine of his, he lets the fury loose, and
pointing it directly to the pouting-lipt mouth, that bid him sweet
defiance in dumb-shew, squeezes in the head, and, driving with
refreshed rage, breaks in, and plugs up the whole passage of that
soft pleasure-conduit, where he makes all shake again, and put,
once more, all within me into such an uproar, as nothing could still
but a fresh inundation from the very engine of those flames, as well
as from all the springs with which nature floats that reservoir of joy,
when risen to its flood-mark.

I was now so bruised, so batter'd, so spent with this over-match,
that I could hardly stir, or raise myself, but lay palpitating, till the
ferment of my sense subsiding by degrees, and the hour striking at
which I was oblig'd to dispatch my young man, I tenderly advised
him of the necessity there was for parting; which I felt as much
displeasure at as he could do, who seemed eagerly disposed to keep
the field, and to enter on a fresh action.  But the danger was too
great, and after some hearty kisses of leave, and recommendations
of secrecy and discretion, I forc'd myself to send him away, not
without assurances of seeing him again, to the same purpose, as
soon as possible, and thrust a guinea into his hands: not more, lest,
being too flush of money, a suspicion or discovery might arise from
thence, having every thing to fear from the dangerous indiscretion
of that age in which young fellows would be too irresistible, too
charming, if we had not that terrible fault to guard against.

Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating draughts of
pleasure, I still lay on the couch, supinely stretched out, in a
delicious languor diffus'd over all my limbs, hugging myself for
being thus revenged to my heart's content, and that in a manner so
precisely alike, and on the identical spot in which I had received the
supposed injury.  No reflections on the consequences ever once
perplex'd me, nor did I make myself one single reproach for having,
by this step, completely entered myself of a profession more decry'd
than disused.  I should have held it ingratitude to the pleasure I had
received to have repented of it; and since I was now over the bar, I
thought, by plunging over head and ears into the stream I was
hurried away by, to drown all sense of shame or reflection.

Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions, and
whispering to myself a kind of tacit vow of incontinency, enters Mr.
H...The consciousness of what I had been doing deepen'd yet the
glowing of my cheeks, flushed with the warmth of the late action,
which, joined to the piquant air of my dishabille, drew from Mr.
H...a compliment on my looks, which he was proceeding to back the
sincerity of with proofs, and that with so brisk an action as made
me tremble for fear of a discovery from the condition of those parts
were left in from their late severe handling: the orifice dilated and
inflamed, the lips swollen with their uncommon distension, the
ringlets press down, crushed and uncurl'd with the over-flowing
moisture that had wet every thing round it; in short, the different
feel and state of things would hardly have passed upon one of Mr.
H...'s nicety and experience unaccounted for but by the real cause.
But here the woman saved me: I pretended a violent disorder of my
head, and a feverish heat, that indisposed me too much to receive
his embraces.  He gave in to this, and good-naturedly desisted.
Soon after, an old lady coming in made a third, very a-propos for
the confusion I was in, and Mr.  H..., after bidding me take care of
myself, and recommending me to my repose, left me much at ease
and reliev'd by his absence.

In the close of the evening, I took care to have prepar'd for me a
warm bath of aromatick and sweet herbs; in which having fully
laved and solaced myself, I came out voluptuously refresh'd in
body and spirit.

The next morning, waking pretty early, after a night's perfect rest
and composure, it was not without some dread and uneasiness that
I thought of what innovation that tender, soft system of mine might
have sustained from the shock of a machine so sized for its
destruction.

Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry my hand
thither, to inform myself of the state and posture of things.

But I was soon agreeably cur'd of my fears.

The silky hair that covered round the borders, now smooth'd
and re-pruned, had resumed its wonted curl and trimness; the
fleshy pouting lips that had stood the brunt of the engagement,
were no longer swollen or moisturedrenched; and neither they, nor
the passage into which they opened, that suffered so great a
dilatation, betray'd any the least alteration, outward or inwardly, to
the most curious research, notwithstanding also the laxity that
naturally follows the warm bath.

This continuation of that grateful stricture which is in us, to the
men, the very jet of their pleasure, I ow'd, it seems, to a happy habit
of body, juicy, plump and furnished towards the texture of those
parts, with a fullness of soft springy flesh, that yielding sufficiently,
as it does, to almost any distension soon recovers itself so as to
retighten that strict compression of its mantlings and folds, which
form the sides of the passage, wherewith it so tenderly embraces
and closely clips any foreign body introduc'd into it, such as my
exploring finger then was.

Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I remember'd
my fears, only to make a jest of them to myself.  and now, palpably
mistress of nay size of man, and triumphing in my double
achievement of pleasure and revenge, I abandon'd myself entirely to
the ideas of all the delight I had swam in.  I lay stretching out,
glowingly alive all over, and tossing with burning impatience for
the renewal of joys that had sinned but in a sweet excess; now did I
loose my longing, for about ten in the morning, according to
expectation, Will, my new humble sweetheart, came with a message
from his master, Mr.  H..., to know how I did.  I had taken care to
send my maid on an errand into the city, that I was sure would take
up time enough; and, from the people of the house, I had nothing to
fear, as they were plain good sorts of folks, and wise enough to
mind no more other people's business than they could well help.

All dispositions then made, not forgetting that of lying in bed to
receive him, when he was entered the door of my bed-chamber, a
latch, that I governed by a wire, descended and secur'd it.

I could not but observe that my young minion was as much
spruced out as could be expected from one in his condition: a desire
of pleasing that could not be indifferent to me, since it prov'd that I
pleased him; which, I assure you, was now a point I was not above
having in view.

His hair trimly dressed, clean linen, and, above all, a hale,
ruddy, wholesome country look, made him out as pretty a piece of
woman's meat as you could see, and I should have thought nay one
much out of taste that could not have made a hearty meal of such a
morsel as nature seemed to have design'd for the highest diet of
pleasure.

Part 5

And why should I here suppress the delight I received from this
amiable creature, in remarking each artless look, each motion of
pure undissembled nature, betrayed by his wanton eyes; or
shewing, transparently, the glow and suffusion of blood through his
fresh, clear skin, whilst even his sturdy rustic pressures wanted not
their peculiar charm? Oh! but, say you, this was a young fellow of
too low a rank of life to deserve so great a display.  May be so: but
was my condition, strictly consider'd one jot more exalted? or, had I
really been much above him, did not his capacity of giving such
exquisite pleasure sufficiently raise and ennoble him, to me, at least?
Let who would, for me, cherish, respect, and reward the painter's,
the statuary's, the musician's arts, in proportion to delight taken in
them: but at my age, and with my taste for pleasure, a taste strongly
constitutional to me, the talent of pleasing, with which nature has
endowed a handsome person, form'd to me the greatest of all
merits; compared to which, the vulgar prejudices in favour of titles,
dignities, honours, and the like, held a very low rank indeed.  Nor
perhaps would the beauties of the body be so much affected to be
held cheap, were they, in their nature, to be bought and delivered.
But for me, whose natural philosophy all resided in the favourite
center of sense, and who was rul'd by its powerful instinct in taking
pleasure by its right handle, I could scarce have made a choice more
to my purpose.

Mr.  H...'s loftier qualifications of birth, fortune and sense laid
me under a sort of subjection and constraint that were far from
making harmony in the concert of love, nor had he, perhaps,
thought me worth softening that superiority to; but, with this lad, I
was more on that level which love delights in.

We may say what we please, but those we can be the easiest and
freest with are ever those we like, not to say love, the best.

With this stripling, all whose art of love was the action of it, I
could, without check of awe or restraint, give a loose to joy, and
execute every scheme of dalliance my fond fancy might put me on,
in which he was, in every sense, a most exquisite companion.  And
now my great pleasure lay in humouring all the petulances, all the
wanton frolic of a raw novice just fleshed, and keen on the burning
scent of his game, but unbroken to the sport: and, to carry on the
figure, who could better TREAD THE WOOD than he, or stand
fairer for the HEART OF THE HUNT?

He advanc'd then to my bed-side, and whilst he faltered out his
message, I could observe his colour rise, and his eyes lighten with
joy, in seeing me in a situation as favourable to his loosest wishes as
if he had bespoke the play.

I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he kneeled
down to (a politeness taught him by love alone, that great master of
it) and greedily kiss'd.  After exchanging a few confused questions
and answers, I ask'd him if he would come to bed to me, for the
little time I could venture to detain him.  This was just asking a
person, dying with hunger, to feast upon the dish on earth the most
to his palate.  Accordingly, without further reflection, his cloaths
were off in an instant; when, blushing still more at his new liberty,
he got under the bed-cloaths I held up to receive him, and was now
in bed with a woman for the first time in his life.

Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious, perhaps,
as the crowning act of enjoyment itself; which they often beget an
impatience of, that makes pleasure destructive of itself, by hurrying
on the final period, and closing that scene of bliss, in which the
actors are generally too well pleas'd with their parts not to wish
them an eternity of duration.

When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards the
main point, by toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my breasts, now
round and plump, feeling that part of me I might call a furnace-
mouth, from the prodigious intense heat his fiery touches had
rekindled there, my young sportsman, embolden'd by every
freedom he could wish, wantonly takes my hand, and carries it to
that enormous machine of his, that stood with a stiffness! a
hardness! an upward bent of erection! and which, together with its
bottom dependence, the inestimable bulge of lady's jewels, formed a
grand show out of goods indeed! Then its dimensions, mocking
either grasp or span, almost renew'd my terrors.

I could not conceive how, or by what means I could take, or put
such a bulk out of sight.  I stroked it gently, on which the mutinous
rogue seemed to swell, and gather a new degree of fierceness and
insolence; so that finding it grew not to be trifled with any longer, I
prepar'd for rubbers in good earnest.

Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him the fairest
play, I guided officiously with my hand this furious battering ram,
whose ruby head, presenting nearest the resemblance of a heart, I
applied to its proper mark, which lay as finely elevated as we could
wish; my hips being borne up, and my thighs at their utmost
extension, the gleamy warmth that shot from it made him feel that
he was at the mouth of the indraught, and driving foreright, the
powerfully divided lips of that pleasure-thirsty channel receiv'd
him.  He hesitated a little; then, settled well in the passage, he
makes his way up the straits of it, with a difficulty nothing more
than pleasing, widening as he went, so as to distend and smooth
each soft furrow: our pleasure increasing deliciously, in proportion
as our points of mutual touch increas'd in that so vital part of me in
which I had now taken him, all indriven, and completely sheathed;
and which, crammed as it was, stretched, splitting ripe, gave it so
gratefully strait an accommodation! so strict a fold! a suction so
fierce! that gave and took unutterable delight.  We had now reach'd
the closest point of union; but when he backened to come on the
fiercer, as if I had been actuated by a fear of losing him, in the height
of my fury I twisted my legs round his naked loins, the flesh of
which, so firm, so springy to the touch, quiver'd again under the
pressure; and now I had him every way encircled and begirt; and
having drawn him home to me, I kept him fast there, as if I had
sought to unite bodies with him at that point.  This bred a pause of
action, a pleasure stop, whilst that delicate glutton, my
nethermouth, as full as it could hold, kept palating, with exquisite
relish, the morsel that so deliciously ingorged it.  But nature could
not long endure a pleasure that so highly provoked without
satisfying it: pursuing then its darling end, the battery recommenc'd
with redoubled exertion; nor lay I inactive on my side, but
encountering him with all the impetuosity of motion but
encountering him with all the impetuosity of motion I was mistress
of.  The downy cloth of our meeting mounts was now of real use to
break the violence of the tilt; and soon, too soon indeed! the
highwrought agitation, the sweet urgency of this to-and-fro friction,
raised the titillation on me to its height; so that finding myself on
the point of going, and loath to leave the tender partner of my joys
behind me, I employed all the forwarding motions and arts my
experience suggested to me, to promote his keeping me company to
our journey's end.  I not only then tighten'd the pleasure-girth
round my restless inmate by a secret spring of friction and
compression that obeys the will in those parts, but stole my hand
softly to that store bag of nature's prime sweets, which is so
pleasingly attach'd to its conduit pipe, from which we receive them;
there feeling, and most gently indeed, squeezing those tender
globular reservoirs; the magic touch took instant effect, quicken'd,
and brought on upon the spur the symptoms of that sweet agony,
the melting moment of dissolution, when pleasure dies by pleasure,
and the mysterious engine of it overcomes the titillation it has rais'd
in those parts, by plying them with the stream of a warm liquid that
is itself the highest of all titillations, and which they thirstily express
and draw in like the hotnatured leach, which to cool itself,
tenaciously attracts all the moisture within its sphere of exsuction.
Chiming then to me, with exquisite consent, as I melted away, his
oily balsamic injection, mixing deliciously with the sluices in flow
from me, sheath'd and blunted all the stings of pleasure, it flung us
into an extasy that extended us fainting, breathless, entranced.
Thus we lay, whilst a voluptuous languor possest, and still
maintain'd us motionless and fast locked in one another's arms.
Alas! that these delights should be no longer-lived! for now the
point of pleasure, unedged by enjoyment, and all the brisk
sensations flatten'd upon us, resigned us up to the cool cares of
insipid life.  Disengaging myself then from his embrace, I made him
sensible of the reasons there were for his present leaving me; on
which, though reluctantly, he put on his cloaths with as little
expedition, however, as he could help, wantonly interrupting
himself, between whiles, with kisses, touches and embraces I could
not refuse myself to.  Yet he happily return'd to his master before he
was missed; but, at taking leave, I forc'd him (for he had sentiments
enough to refuse it) to receive money enough to buy a silver watch,
that great article of subaltern finery, which he at length accepted of,
as a remembrance he was carefully to preserve of my affections.

And here, Madam, I ought, perhaps, to make you an apology for
this minute detail of things, that dwelt so strongly upon my
memory, after so deep an impression: but, besides that this intrigue
bred one great revolution in my life, which historical truth requires I
should not sink from you, may I not presume that so exalted a
pleasure ought not to be ungratefully forgotten, or suppress'd by
me, because I found it in a character in low life; where, by the bye, it
is oftener met with, purer, and more unsophisticate, that among the
false, ridiculous refinements with which the great suffer themselves
to be so grossly cheated by their pride: the great! than whom there
exist few amongst those they call the vulgar, who are more ignorant
of, or who cultivate less, the art of living than they do; they, I say,
who for ever mistake things the most foreign of the nature of
pleasure itself; whose capital favourite object is enjoyment of
beauty, wherever that rare invaluable gift is found, without
distinction of birth, or station.

As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any share in
my commerce with this handsome youth.  The sole pleasures of
enjoyment were now the link I held to him by: for though nature
had done such great matters for him in his outward form, and
especially in that superb piece of furniture she had so liberally
enrich'd him with; though he was thus qualify'd to give the senses
their richest feast, still there was something more wanting to create
in me, and constitute the passion of love.  Yet Will had very good
qualities too; gentle, tractable, and, above all, grateful; close, and
secret, even to a fault: he spoke, at any time, very little, but made it
up emphatically with action; and, to do him justice, he never gave
me the least reason to complain, either of any tendency to encroach
upon me for the liberties I allow'd him, or of his indiscretion in
blabbing them.  There is, then, a fatality in love, or have loved him I
must; for he was really a treasure, a bit for the BONNE BOUCHE of
a duchess; and, to say the truth, my liking for him was so extreme,
that it was distinguishing very nicely to deny that I loved him.

My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but found
an end from my own imprudent neglect.  After having taken even
superfluous precautions against a discovery, our success in
repeated meetings embolden'd me to omit the barely necessary
ones.  About a month after our first intercourse, one fatal morning
(the season Mr.  H...rarely or never visited me in) I was in my closet,
where my toilet stood, in nothing but my shift, a bed gown and
under-petticoat.  Will was with me, and both ever too well disposed
to baulk an opportunity.  For my part, a warm whim, a wanton toy
had just taken me, and I had challeng'd my man to execute it on the
spot, who hesitated not to comply with my humour: I was set in the
arm-chair, my shift and petticoat up, my thighs wide spread and
mounted over the arms of the chair, presenting the fairest mark to
Will's drawn weapon, which he stood in act to plunge into me;
when, having neglected to secure the chamber door, and that of the
closet standing a-jar, Mr.  H...stole in upon us before either of us
was aware, and saw us precisely in these convicting attitudes.

I gave a great scream, and drop'd my petticoat: the thunder-
struck lad stood trembling and pale, waiting his sentence of death.
Mr.  H...looked sometimes at one, sometimes at the other, with a
mixture of indignation and scorn; and, without saying a word,
turn'd upon his heel and went out.

As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn the key,
and lock the chamber-door upon us, so that there was no escape but
through the dining-room, where he himself was walking about with
distempered strides, stamping in a great chafe, and doubtless
debating what he would do with us.

In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of his senses,
and, as much need as I had of spirits to support myself, I was
obliged to employ them all to keep his a little up.  The misfortune I
had now brought upon him, endear'd him the more to me, and I
could have joyfully suffered any punishment he had not shared in.
I water'd, plentifully, with my tears, the face of the frightened
youth, who sat, not having strength to stand, as cold and as lifeless
as a statue.

Presently Mr.  H...comes in to us again, and made us go before
him into the dining-room, trembling and dreading the issue.  Mr.
H...sat down on a chair whilst we stood like criminals under
examination; and beginning with me, ask'd me, with an even firm
tone of voice, neither soft nor severe, but cruelly indifferent, what I
could say for myself, for having abused him in so unworthy a
manner, with his own servant too, and how he had deserv'd this of
me?

Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity that of an audacious
defence of it, in the old style of a common kept Miss, my answer
was modest, and often interrupted by my tears, in substance as
follows: that I never had a single thought of wronging him (which
was true), till I had seen him taking the last liberties with my
servant-wench (here he colour'd prodigiously), and that my
resentment at that, which I was over-awed from giving vent to by
complaints, or explanations with him, had driven me to a course
that I did not pretend to justify; but that as to the young man, he
was entirely faultless; for that, in the view of making him the
instrument of my revenge, I had down-right seduced him to what
he had done; and therefore hoped, whatever he determined about
me, he would distinguish between the guilty and the innocent; and
that, for the rest, I was entirely at his mercy.

Mr.  H..., on hearing what I said, hung his head a little; but
instantly recovering himself, he said to me, as near as I can retain, to
the following purpose:

"Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have fairly
turn'd the tables upon me.  It is not with one of your cast of
breeding and sentiments that I should enter into a discussion of the
very great difference of the provocations: be it sufficient that I allow
you so much reason on your side, as to have changed my
resolutions, in consideration of what you reproach me with; and I
own, too, that your clearing that rascal there, is fair and honest in
you.  Renew with you I cannot: the affront is too gross.  I give you a
week's warning to go out of these lodgings; whatever I have given
you, remains to you; and as I never intend to see you more, the
landlord will pay you fifty pieces on my account, with which, and
every debt paid, I hope you will own I do not leave you in a worse
condition than what I took you up in, or than you deserve of me.
Blame yourself only that it is no better."

Then, without giving me time to reply, he address'd himself to
the young fellow:

"For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take care of you:
the town is no place for such an easy fool as thou art; and to-
morrow you shall set out, under the charge of one of my men, well
recommended, in my name, to your father, not to let you return and
be spoil'd here."

At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting to stop
him by throwing myself at his feet.  He shook me off, though he
seemed greatly mov'd too, and took Will away with him, who, I
dare swear, thought himself very cheaply off.

I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands, by a
gentleman whom I certainly did not deserve.  And all the letters,
arts, friends' entreaties that I employed within the week of grace in
my lodging, could never win on him so much as to see me again.
He had irrevocably pornounc'd my doom, and submission to it was
my only part.  Soon after he married a lady of birth and fortune, to
whom, I have heard, he prov'd an irreproachable husband.

As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the country
to his father, who was an easy farmer, where he was not four
months before and inn-keeper's buxom young widow, with a very
good stock, both in money and trade, fancy'd, and perhaps pre-
acquainted with his secret excellencies, marry'd him: and I am sure
there was, at least, one good foundation for their living happily
together.

Though I should have been charm'd to see him before he went,
such measures were taken, by Mr.  H...'s orders, that it was
impossible; otherwise I should certainly have endeavour'd to detain
him in town, and would have spared neither offers nor expence to
have procured myself the satisfaction of keeping him with me.  He
had such powerful holds upon my inclinations as were not easily to
be shaken off, or replaced; as to my heart, it was quite out of the
question: glad, however, I was from my soul, that nothing worse,
and as things turn'd out, probably nothing better could have
happened to him.

As to Mr.  H..., though views of conveniency made me, at first,
exert myself to regain his affection, I was giddy and thoughtless
enough to be much easier reconcil'd to my failure than I ought to
have been; but as I never had lov'd him, and his leaving me gave me
a sort of liberty that I had often long'd for, I was soon comforted;
and flattering myself that the stock of youth and beauty I was going
into trade with could hardly fail of procuring me a maintenance, I
saw myself under a necessity of trying my fortune with them,
rather, with pleasure and gaiety, than with the least idea of
despondency.

In the mean time, several of my acquaintances among the
sisterhood, who had soon got wind of my misfortune, flocked to
insult me with their malicious consolations.  Most of them had long
envied me the affluence and splendour I had been maintain'd in;
and though there was scarce one of them that did not at least
deserve to be in my case, and would probably, sooner or later, come
to it, it was equally easy to remark, even in their affected pity, their
secret pleasure at seeing me thus disgrac'd and discarded, and their
secret grief that it was no worse with me.  Unaccountable malice of
the human heart! and which is not confin'd to the class of life they
were of.

But as the time approached for me to come to some resolution
how to dispose of myself, and I was considering round where to
shift my quarters to, Mrs.  Cole, a middleaged discreet sort of
woman, who had been brought into my acquaintance by one to the
Misses that visited me, upon learning my situation, came to offer
her cordial advice and service to me; and as I had always taken to
her more than to any of my female acquaintances, I listened the
easier to her proposals.  And, as it happened, I could not have put
myself into worse, or into better hands in all London: into worse,
because keeping a house of conveniency, there were no lengths in
lewdness she would not advise me to go, in compliance with her
customers; no schemes of pleasure, or even unbounded debauchery,
she did not take even a delight in promoting: into a better, because
nobody having had more experience of the wicked part of the town
than she had, was fitter to advise and guard one against the worst
dangers of our profession; and what was rare to be met with in
those of her's, she contented herself with a moderate living profit
upon her industry and good offices, and had nothing of their greedy
rapacious turn.  She was really too a gentlewoman born and bred,
but through a train of accidents reduc'd to this course, which she
pursued, partly through necessity, partly through choice, as never
woman delighted more in encouraging a brisk circulation of trade
for the sake of the trade itself, or better understood all the mysteries
and refinements of it, than she did; so that she was consummately at
the top of her profession, and dealt only with customers of
distinction: to answer the demands of whom she kept a competent
number of her daughters in constant recruit (so she call'd those
whom by her means, and through her tuition and instructions,
succeeded very well in the world).

This useful gentlewoman upon whose protection I now threw
myself, having her reasons of state, respecting Mr.  H..., for not
appearing too much in the thing herself, sent a friend of her's, on the
day appointed for my removal, to conduct me to my new lodgings
at a brushmaker's in R*** street, Covent Garden, the very next door
to her own house, where she had no conveniences to lodge me
herself: lodgings that, by having been for several successions
tenanted by ladies of pleasure, the landlord of them was
familiarized to their ways; and provided the rent was duly paid,
every thing else was as easy and commodious as one could desire.

The fifty guineas promis'd me by Mr.  H..., at his parting with
me, having been duly paid me, all my cloaths and moveables
chested up, which were at least of two hundred pound's value, I
had them convey'd into a coach, where I soon followed them, after
taking a civil leave of the landlord and his family, with whom I had
never liv'd in a degree of familiarity enough to regret the removal;
but still, the very circumstance of its being a removal drew tears
from me.  I left, too, a letter of thanks for Mr.  H..., from whom I
concluded myself, as I really was, irretrievably separated.

My maid I had discharged the day before, not only because I had
her of Mr.  H..., but that I suspected her of having some how or
other been the occasion of his discovering me, in revenge, perhaps,
for my not having trusted her with him.

We soon got to my lodgings, which, though not so handsomely
furnish'd nor so showy as those I left, were to the full as convenient,
and at half price, though on the first floor.  My trunks were safely
landed, and stow'd in my apartments, where my neighbour, and
now gouvernante, Mrs.  Cole, was ready with my landlord to
receive me, to whom she took care to set me out in the most
favourable light, that of one from whom there was the clearest
reason to expect the regular payment of his rent: all the cardinal
virtues attributed to me would not have had half the weight of that
recommendation alone.

I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandon'd to my own
conduct, and turned loose upon the town, to sink or swim, as I
could manage with the current of it; and what were the
consequences, together with the number of adventures which befell
me in the exercise of my new profession, will compose the matter of
another letter: for surely it is high time to put a period to this.

I am,       MADAM             Yours, etc., etc., etc.                      
THE
END OF THE FIRST LETTER

Part 6

LETTER THE SECOND

Madam,

If I have delay'd the sequel of my history, it has been purely to
allow myself a little breathing time not without some hopes that,
instead of pressing me to a continuation, you would have acquitted
me of the task of pursuing a confession, in the course of which my
self-esteem has so many wounds to sustain.

I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloy'd and tired
with uniformity of adventures and expressions, inseparable from a
subject of this sort, whose bottom, or groundwork being, in the
nature of things, eternally one and the same, whatever variety of
forms and modes the situations are susceptible of, there is no
escaping a repetition of near the same images, the same figures, the
same expressions, with this further inconvenience added to the
disgust it creates, that the words JOYS, ARDOURS, TRANSPORTS,
EXTASIES, and the rest of those pathetic terms so congenial to, so
received in the PRACTICE OF PLEASURE, flatten and lose much of
their due spirit and energy by the frequency they indispensably
recur with, in a narrative of which that PRACTICE professedly
composes the whole basis.  I must therefore trust to the candour of
your judgement, for your allowing for the disadvantage I am
necessarily under in that respect, and to your imagination and
sensibility, the pleasing task of repairing it by their supplements,
where my descriptions flag or fail: the one will readily place the
pictures I present before your eyes; the other give life to the colours
where they are dull, or worn with too frequent handling.

What you say besides, by way of encouragement, concerning the
extreme difficulty of continuing so long in one strain, in a mean
temper'd with taste, between the revoltingness of gross, rank and
vulgar expressions, and the ridicule of mincing metaphors and
affected circumlocutions, is so sensible, as well as good-natur'd, that
you greatly justify me to myself for my compliance with a curiosity
that is to be satisfied so extremely at my expense.

Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my way to
remark to you that it was late in the evening before I arriv'd at my
new lodgings, and Mrs.  Cole, after helping me to range and secure
my things, spent the whole evening with me in my apartment,
where we supped together, in giving me the best advice and
instruction with regard to this new stage of my profession I was
now to enter upon; and passing thus from a private devotee to
pleasure into a public one, to become a more general good, with all
the advantages requisite to put my person out to use, either for
interest or pleasure, or both.  But then, she observ'd, as I was a kind
of new face upon the town, that it was an established rule, and part
of trade, for me to pass for a maid, and dispose of myself as such on
the first good occasion, without prejudice, however, to such
diversions as I might have a mind to in the interim; for that nobody
could be a greater enemy than she was to the losing of time.  That
she would, in the mean time, do her best to find out a proper
person, and would undertake to manage this nice point for me, if I
would accept of her aid and advice to such good purpose that, in
the loss of a fictitious maidenhead, I should reap all the advantages
of a native one.

Though such a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely belong
to my character at that time, I confess, against myself, that I perhaps
too readily closed with a proposal which my candor and ingenuity
gave me some repugnance to: but not enough to contradict the
intention of one to whom I had now thoroughly abandoned the
direction of all my steps.  For Mrs.  Cole had, I do not know how
unless by one of those unaccountable invincible sympathies that,
nevertheless, form the strongest links, especially of female
friendship, won and got entire possession of me.  On her side, she
pretended that a strict resemblance she fancied she saw in me to an
only daughter whom she had lost at my age, was the first motive of
her taking to me so affectionately as she did.  It might be so: there
exist as slender motives of attachment that, gathering force from
habit and liking, have proved often more solid and durable than
those founded on much stronger reasons; but this I know, that tho' I
had no other acquaintance with her than seeing her at my lodgings
when I lived with Mr.  H..., where she had made errands to sell me
some millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated herself so far
into my confidence that I threw myself blindly into her hands, and
came, at length, to regard, love, and obey her implicitly; and, to do
her justice, I never experienc'd at her hands other than a sincerity of
tenderness, and care for my interest, hardly heard of in those of her
profession.  We parted that night, after having settled a perfect
unreserv'd agreement; and the next morning Mrs.  Cole came, and
took me with her to her house for the first time.

Here, at the first sight of things, I found everything breath'd an
air of decency, modesty and order.

In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young women,
very demurely employ'd on millinery work, which was the cover of
a traffic in more precious commodities; but three beautifuller
creatures could hardly be seen.  Two of them were extremely fair,
the eldest not above nineteen; and the third, much about that age,
was a piquant brunette, whose black sparkling eyes, and perfect
harmony of features and shape, left her nothing to envy in her fairer
companions.  Their dress too had the more design in it, the less it
appeared to have, being in a taste of uniform correct neatness, and
elegant simplicity.  These were the girls that compos'd the small
domestick flock, which my governess train'd up with surprising
order and management, considering the giddy wildness of young
girls once got upon the loose.  But then she never continued any in
her house, whom, after a due novitiate, she found untractable, or
unwilling to comply with the rules of it.  Thus had she insensibly
formed a little family of love, in which the members found so
sensibly their account, in a rare alliance of pleasure with interest,
and of a necessary outward decency with unbounded secret liberty,
that Mrs.  Cole, who had pick'd them as much for their temper as
their beauty, govern'd them with ease to herself and them too.

To these pupils then of hers, whom she had prepar'd, she
presented me as a new boarder, and one that was to be immediately
admitted to all the intimacies of the house; upon which these
charming girls gave me all the marks of a welcome reception, and
indeed of being perfectly pleased with my figure, that I could
possibly expect from any of my own sex: but they had been
effectually brought to sacrifice all jealousy, or competition of
charms, to a common interest, and consider'd me a partner that was
bringing no despicable stock of goods into the trade of the house.
They gathered round me, view'd me on all sides; and as my
admission into this joyous troop made a little holiday, the shew of
work was laid aside; and Mrs.  Cole giving me up, with special
recommendation, to their caresses and entertainment, went about
her ordinary business of the house.

The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views soon created
as unreserv'd a freedom and intimacy as if we had been for years
acquainted.  They took and shew'd me the house, their respective
apartments, which were furnished with every article of conveniency
and luxury; and above all, a spacious drawing-room, where a select
revelling band usually met, in general parties of pleasure; the girls
supping with their sparks, and acting their wanton pranks with
unbounded licentiousness; whilst a defiance of awe, modesty or
jealousy were their standing rules, by which, according to the
principles of their society, whatever pleasure was lost on the side of
sentiment was abundantly made up to the senses in the poignancy
of variety, and the charms of ease and luxury.  The authors and
supporters of this secret institution would, in the height of their
humours style themselves the restorers of the golden age and its
simplicity of pleasures, before their innocence became so injustly
branded with the names of guilt and shame.

As soon then as the evening began, and the shew of a shop was
shut, the academy open'd; the mask of mock-modesty was
completely taken off, and all the girls deliver'd over to their
respective calls of pleasure or interest with their men; and none of
that sex was promiscuously admitted, but only such as Mrs.  Cole
was previously satisfied with their character and discretion.  In
short, this was the safest, politest, and, at the same time, the most
thorough house of accommodation in town: every thing being
conducted so that decency made no intrenchment upon the most
libertine pleasures, in the practice of which too, the choice familiars
of the house had found the secret so rare and difficult, of reconciling
even all the refinements of taste and delicacy with the most gross
and determinate gratifications of senuality.

After having consum'd the morning in the endearments and
instructions of my new acquaintance, we went to dinner, when Mrs.
Cole, presiding at the head of her club, gave me the first idea of her
management and address, in inspiring these girls with so sensible a
love and respect for her.  There was no stiffness, no reserve, no airs
of pique, or little jealousies, but all was unaffectedly gay, cheerful
and easy.

After dinner, Mrs.  Cole, seconded by the young ladies,
acquainted me that there was a chapter to be held that night in
form, for the ceremony of my reception into the sisterhood; and in
which, with all due reserve to my maidenhead, that was to be
occasionally cook'd up for the first proper chapman, I was to
undergo a ceremonial of initiation they were sure I should not be
displeased with.

Embark'd as I was, and moreover captivated with the charms of
my new companions, I was too much prejudic'd in favour of any
proposal they could make, to much as hesitate an assent; which,
therefore, readily giving in the style of a carte blanche, I receiv'd
fresh kisses of compliment from them all, in approval of my docility
and good nature.  Now I was "a sweet girl..." I came into things with
a "good grace..." I was not "affectedly coy..." I should be "the pride
of the house..." and the like.

This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs.  Cole to talk
and concert matters with me: she explained to me that I should be
introduc'd, that very evening, to four of her best friends, one of
whom she had, according to the custom of the house, favoured with
the preference of engaging me in the first party of pleasure; assuring
me, at the same time, that they were all young gentlemen agreeable
in their persons, and unexceptionable in every respect; that united,
and holding together by the band of common pleasures, they
composed the chief support of her house, and made very liberal
presents to the girls that pleas'd and humour'd them, so that they
were, properly speaking, the founders and patrons of this little
seraglio.  Not but that she had, at proper seasons, other customers
to deal with, whom she stood less upon punctilio with than with
these; for instance, it was not on one of them she could attempt to
pass me for a maid; they were not only too knowing, too much
town-bred to bite at such a bait, but they were such generous
benefactors to her that it would be unpardonable to think of it.

Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise of
pleasure, for such I conceiv'd it, stirr'd up in me, I preserved so
much of the woman as to feign just reluctance enough to make some
merit of sacrificing it to the influence of my patroness, whom I
likewise, still in character, reminded of it perhaps being right for me
to go home and dress, in favour of my first impressions.

But Mrs.  Cole, in opposition to this, assured me that the
gentlemen I should be presented to were, by their rank and taste of
things, infinitely superior to the being touched with any glare of
dress or ornaments, such as silly women rather confound and
overlay than set off their beauty with; that these veteran
voluptuaries knew better than not to hold them in the highest
contempt: they with whom the pure native charms alone could pass
current, and who would at any time leave a sallow, washy, painted
duchess on her own hands, for a ruddy, healthy, firm-flesh'd
country maid; and as for my part, that nature had done enough for
me, to set me above owing the least favour to art; concluding
withal, that for the instant occasion, there was no dress like an
undress.

I thought my governess too good a judge of these matters not to
be easily over-ruled by her: after which she went on preaching very
pathetically the doctrine of passive obedience and not-resistance to
all those arbitrary tastes of pleasure, which are by some styl'd the
refinements, and by others the depravations of it; between whom it
was not the business of a simple girl, who was to profit by pleasing,
to decide, but to conform to.  Whilst I was edifying by these
wholesome lessons, tea was brought in, and the young ladies,
returning, joined company with us.

After a great deal of mix'd chat, frolic and humour, one of them,
observing that there would be a good deal of time on hand before
the assembly-hour, proposed that each girl should entertain the
company with that critical period of her personal history in which
she first exchanged the maiden state for womanhood.  The proposal
was approv'd, with only one restriction of Mrs.  Cole, that she, on
account of her age, and I, on account of my titular maidenhead,
should be excused, at least till I had undergone the forms of the
house.  This obtain'd me a dispensation, and the promotress of this
amusement was desired to begin.

Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose limbs were,
if possible, too well made, since their plump fullness was rather to
the prejudice of that delicate slimness requir'd by the nicer judges of
beauty; her eyes were blue, and streamed inexpressible sweetness,
and nothing could be prettier than her mouth and lips, which clos'd
over a range of the evenest and whitest teeth.  Thus she began:

"Neither my extraction, nor the most critical adventure of my
life, is sublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in the
advancement of the proposal you have approv'd of.  My father and
mother were, and for aught I know, are still, farmers in the country,
not above forty miles from town: their barbarity to me, in favour of
a son, on whom only they vouchsafed to bestow their tenderness,
had a thousand times determined me to fly their house, and throw
myself on the wide world; but, at length, an accident forc'd me on
this desperate attempt at the age of fifteen.  I had broken a china
bowl, the pride and idol of both their hearts; and as an unmerciful
beating was the least I had to depend on at their hands, in the
silliness of those tender years I left the house, and, at all adventures,
took the road to London.  How my loss was resented I do not know,
for till this instant I have not heard a syllable about them.  My
whole stock was too broad pieces of my grandmother's, a few
shillings, silver shoe-buckles and a silver thimble.  Thus equipp'd,
with no more cloaths than the ordinary ones I had on my back, and
frighten'd at every foot or noise I heard behind me, I hurried on;
and I dare swear, walked a dozen miles before I stopped, through
mere weariness and fatigue.  At length I sat down on a stile, wept
bitterly, and yet was still rather under increased impressions of fear
on the account of my escape; which made dread, worse than death,
the going back to face my unnatural parents.  Refresh'd by this little
repose, and relieved by my tears, I was proceeding onward, when I
was overtaken by a sturdy country lad who was going to London to
see what he could do for himself there, and, like me, had given his
friends the slip.  He could not be above seventeen, was ruddy, well
featur'd enough, with uncombed flaxen hair, a little flapp'd hat,
kersey frock, yarn stockings, in short, a perfect plough-boy.  I saw
him come whistling behind me, with a bundle tied to the end of a
stick, his travelling equipage.  We walk'd by one another for some
time without speaking; at length we join'd company, and agreed to
keep together till we got to our journey's end.  What his designs or
ideas were, I know not: the innocence of mine I can solemnly
protest.

"As night drew on, it became us to look out for some inn or
shelter; to which perplexity another was added, and that was, what
we should say for ourselves, if we were question'd.  After some
puzzle, the young fellow started a proposal, which I thought the
finest that could be; and what was that? why, that we should pass
for husband and wife: I never once dream'd of consequences.  We
came presently, after having agreed on this notable expedient, to
one of those hedge-accommodations for foot passengers, at the door
do which stood an old crazy beldam, who seeing us trudge by,
invited us to lodge there.  Glad of any cover, we went in, and my
fellow traveller, taking all upon him, call'd for what the house
afforded, and we supped together as man and wife; which,
considering our figures and ages, could not have passed on any one
but such as any thing could pass on.  But when bedtime came on,
we had neither of us the courage to contradict out first account of
ourselves; and what was extremely pleasant, the young lad seem'd
as perplex'd as I was, how to evade lying together, which was so
natural for the state we had pretenced to.  Whilst we were in this
quandary, the landlady takes the candle and lights us to our
apartment, through a long yard, at the end of which it stood,
separate from the body of the house.  Thus we suffer'd ourselves to
be conducted, without saying a word in opposition to it; and there,
in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were left to pass the
night together, as a thing quite of course.  For my part, I was so
incredibly innocent as not even then to think much more harm of
going to bed with the young man than with one of our dairy-
wenches; nor had he, perhaps, any other notions than those of
innocence, till such a fair occasion put them into his head.

"Before either of us undressed, however, he put out the candle;
and the bitterness of the weather made it a kind of necessity for me
to go into bed: slipping then my cloaths off, I crept under the bed-
cloaths, where I found the young stripling already nestled, and the
touch of his warm flesh rather pleas'd than alarm'd me.  I was
indeed too much disturbed with the novelty of my condition to be
able to sleep; but then I had not the least thought of harm.  But, oh!
how powerful are the instincts of nature! how little is there wanting
to set them in action! The young man, sliding his arm under my
body, drew me gently towards him, as if to keep himself and me
warmer; and the heat I felt from joining our breasts, kindled another
that I had hitherto never felt, and was, even then, a stranger to the
nature of.  Emboldened, I suppose, by my easiness, he ventur'd to
kiss me, and I insensibly returned it, without knowing the
consequence of returning it; for, on this encouragement, he slipped
his hand all down from my breast to that part of me where the sense
of feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I then experienc'd by its instant
taking fire upon the touch, and glowing with a strange tickling heat:
there he pleas'd himself and me, by feeling, till, growing a little too
bold, he hurt me, and made me complain.  Then he took my hand,
which he guided, not unwillingly on my side, between the twist of
his closed thighs, which were extremely warm; there he lodged and
pressed it, till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the proud
distinction of his sex from mine.  I was frighten'd at the novelty, and
drew back my hand; yet, pressed and spurred on by sensations of a
strange pleasure, I could not help asking him what that was for? He
told me he would show me if I would let him; and, without waiting
for my answer, which he prevented by stopping my mouth with
kisses I was far from disrelishing, he got upon me, and inserting one
of his thighs between mine, opened them so as to make way for
himself, and fixed me to his purpose; whilst I was so much out of
my usual sense, so subdu'd by the present power of a new one, that,
between fear and desire, I lay utterly passive, till the piercing pain
rous'd and made me cry out.  But it was too late: he was too firm
fix'd in the saddle for me to compass flinging him, with all the
struggles I could use, some of which only served to further his
point, and at length an irresistible thrust murdered at once my
maidenhead, and almost me.  I now lay a bleeding witness of the
necessity impos'd on our sex, to gather the first honey off the
thorns.

"But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was soon
reconciled to fresh trials, and before morning, nothing on earth
could be dearer to me than this rifler of my virgin sweets: he was
every thing to me now.  How we agreed to join fortunes; how we
came up to town together, where we lived some time, till necessity
parted us, and drove me into this course of life, in which I had been
long ago battered and torn to pieces before I came to this age, as
much through my easiness, as through my inclination, had it not
been for my finding refuge in this house: these are all circumstances
which pass the mark I proposed, so that here my narrative ends."

In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to go on.
Amongst all the beauties of our sex that I had before or have since
seen, few indeed were the forms that could dispute excellence with
her's; it was not delicate, but delicacy itself incarnate, such was the
symmetry of her small but exactly fashion'd limbs.  Her complexion,
fair as it was, appeared yet more fair from the effect of two black
eyes, the brilliancy of which gave her face more vivacity than
belonged to the colour of it, which was only defended from paleness
by a sweetly pleasing blush in her cheeks, that grew fainter and
fainter, till at length it died away insensibly into the overbearing
white.  Then her miniature features join'd to finish the extreme
sweetness of it, which was not belied by that of temper turned to
indolence, languor, and the pleasures of love.  Press'd to subscribe
her contingent, she smiled, blushed a little, and thus complied with
our desires:

"My father was neither better nor worse than a miller near the
city of York; and both he and my mother dying whilst I was an
infant, I fell under the care of a widow and childless aunt,
housekeeper to my lord N..., at his seat in the county of..., where she
brought me up with all imaginable tenderness.  I was not seventeen,
as I am not now eighteen, before I had, on account of my person
purely (for fortune I had notoriously none), several advantageous
proposals; but whether nature was slow in making me sensible in
her favourite passion, or that I had not seen any of the other sex
who had stirr'd up the least emotion or curiosity to be better
acquainted with it, I had, till that age, preserv'd a perfect innocence,
even of thought: whilst my fears of I did not well know what, made
me no more desirous of marrying than of dying.  My aunt, good
woman, favoured my timorousness, which she look'd on as childish
affection, that her own experience might probably assure her would
wear off in time, and gave my suitors proper answers for me.

"The family had not been down at that seat for years, so that it
was neglected, and committed entirely to my aunt, and two old
domestics to take care of it.  Thus I had the full range of a spacious
lonely house and gardens, situate at about half a mile distance form
any other habitation, except, perhaps, a straggling cottage or so.

"Here, in tranquillity and innocence, I grew up without any
memorable accident, till one fatal day I had, as I had often done
before, left my aunt fast asleep, and secure for some hours, after
dinner; and resorting to a kind of ancient summer-house, at some
distance from the house, I carried my work with me, and sat over a
rivulet, which its door and window fac'd upon.  Here I fell into a
gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses, as they
fainted under the excessive heat of the season at that hour; a cane
couch, with my work-basket for a pillow, were all the conveniencies
of my short repose; for I was soon awaked and alarmed by a
flounce, and the noise of splashing in the water.  I got up to see
what was the matter; and what indeed should it be but the son of a
neighbouring gentleman, as I afterwards found (for I had never seen
him before), who had strayed that way with his gun, and heated by
his sport, and the sultriness of the day, had been tempted by the
freshness of the clear stream; so that presently stripping, he jump'd
into it on the other side, which bordered on a wood, some trees
whereof, inclined down to the water, form'd a pleasing shady
recess, commodious to undress and leave his clothes under.

"My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in the water,
were, with all imaginable respect to truth, those of surprise and
fear; and, in course, I should immediately have run out, had not my
modesty, fatally for itself, interposed the objection of the door and
window being so situated that it was scarce possible to get out, and
make my way along the bank to the house, without his seeing me:
which I could not bear the thought of, so much ashamed and
confounded was I at having seen him.  Condemn'd then to stay till
his departure should release me, I was greatly embarrassed how to
dispose of myself: I kept some time betwixt terror and modesty,
even from looking through the window, which being an old-
fashinon'd casement, without any light behind me, could hardly
betray any one's being there to him from within; then the door was
so secure, that without violence, or my own consent, there was no
opening it from without.

"But now, by my own experience, I found it too true that objects
which affright us, when we cannot get from them, draw out eyes as
forcibly as those that please us.  I could not long withstand that
nameless impulse, which, without any desire of this novel sight,
compelled me towards it; embolden'd too by my certainty of being
at once unseen and safe, I ventur'd by degrees to cast my eyes on an
object so terrible and alarming to my virgin modesty as a naked
man.  But as I snatched a look, the first gleam that struck me was in
general the dewy lustre of the whitest skin imaginable, which the
sun playing upon made the reflection of it perfectly beamy.  His
face, in the confusion I was in, I could not well distinguish the
lineaments of, any farther than that there was a great deal of youth
and freshness in it.  The frolic and various play of all his polish'd
limbs, as they appeared above the surface, in the course of his
swimming or wantoning with the water, amus'd and insensibly
delighted me: sometimes he lay motionless, on his back,
waterborne, and dragging after him a fine head of hair, that,
floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls.  Then the over-
flowing water would make a separation between his breast and
glossy white belly; at the bottom of which I could not escape
observing so remarkable a distinction as a black mossy tuft, out of
which appeared to emerge a round, softish, limber, white
something, that played every way, with ever the least motion or
whirling eddy.  I cannot say but that part chiefly, by a kind of
natural instinct, attracted, detain'd, captivated my attention: it was
out of the power of all my modesty to command my eye away from
it; and seeing nothing so very dreadful in its appearance, I
insensibly lock'd away all my fears: but as fast as they gave way,
new desires and strange wishes took place, and I melted as I gazed.
The fire of nature, that had so long lain dormant or conceal'd, began
to break out, and made me feel my sex the first time.  He had now
changed his posture, and swam prone on his belly, striking out with
his legs and arms, finer modell'd than which could not have been
cast, whilst his floating locks played over a neck and shoulders
whose whiteness they delightfully set off.  Then the luxuriant swell
of flesh that rose form the small of his back, and terminated its
double cope at where the thighs are sent off, perfectly dazzled one
with its watery glistening gloss.

"By this time I was so affected by this inward involution of
sentiments, so soften'd by this sight, that now, betrayed into a
sudden transition from extreme fears to extreme desires, I found
these last so strong upon me, the heat of the weather too perhaps
conspiring to exalt their rage, that nature almost fainted under
them.  Not that I so much as knew precisely what was wanting to
me: my only thought was that so sweet a creature as this youth
seemed to me could only make me happy; but then, the little
likelihood there was of compassing an acquaintance with him, or
perhaps of ever seeing him again, dash'd my desires, and turn'd
them into torments.  I was still gazing, with all the powers of my
sight, on this bewitching object, when, in an instant, down he went.
I had heard of such things as a cramp seizing on even the best
swimmers, and occasioning their being drowned; and imagining
this so sudden eclipse to be owing to it, the inconceivable fondness
this unknown lad had given birth to distracted me with the most
killing terrors; insomuch, that my concern giving the wings, I flew
to the door, open'd it, ran down to the canal, guided thither by the
madness of my fears for him, and the intense desire of being an
instrument to save him, though I was ignorant how, or by what
means to effect it: but was it for fears, and a passion so sudden as
mine, to reason? All this took up scarce the space of a few moments.
I had then just life enough to reach the green borders of the
waterpiece, where wildly looking round for the young man, and
missing him still, my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep
swoon, which must have lasted me some time; for I did not come to
myself till I was rous'd out of it by a sense of pain that pierced me to
the vitals, and awaked me to the most surprising circumstance of
finding myself not only in the arms of this very same young
gentleman I had been so solicitous to save, but taken at such an
advantage in my unresisting condition that he had actually
completed his entrance into me so far, that weakened as I was by all
the preceding conflicts of mind I had suffer'd, and struck dumb by
the violence of my surprise, I had neither the power to cry out nor
the strength to disengage myself from his strenuous embraces,
before, urging his point, he had forced his way and completely
triumphed over my virginity, as he might now as well see by the
streams of blood that follow'd his drawing out, as he had felt by the
difficulties he had met with consummating his penetration.  But the
sight of the blood, and the sense of my condition, had (as he told me
afterwards), since the ungovernable rage of his passion was
somewhat appeas'd, now wrought so far on him that at all risks,
even of the worst consequences, he could not find in his heart to
leave me, and make off, which he might easily have done.  I still lay
all descompos'd in bleeding ruin, palpitating, speechless, unable to
get off, and frightened, and fluttering like a poor wounded
partridge, and ready to faint away again at the sense of what had
befallen me.  The young gentleman was by me, kneeling, kissing my
hand, and with tears in his eyes beseeching me to forgive him, and
offering all the reparation in his power.  It is certain that could I, at
the instant of regaining my senses, have called out, or taken the
bloodiest revenge, I would not have stuck at it: the violation was
attended too with such aggravating circumstances, though he was
ignorant of them, since it was to my concern for the preservation of
his life that I owed my ruin.

"But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme to
another! and how little are they acquainted with the human heart
who dispute it! I could not see this amiable criminal, so suddenly
the first object of my love, and as suddenly of my just hate, on his
knees, bedewing my hand with his tears, without relenting.  He was
still stark-naked, but my modesty had been already too much
wounded, in essentials, to be so much shocked as I should have
otherwise been with appearances only; in short, my anger ebbed so
fast, and the tide of love return'd so strong upon me, that I felt it a
point of my own happiness to forgive him.  The reproaches I made
him were murmur'd in so soft a tone, my eyes met his with such
glances, expressing more languor than resentment, that he could not
but presume his forgiveness was at no desperate distance; but still
he would not quit his posture of submission, till I had pronounced
his pardon in form; which after the most fervent entreaties,
protestations, and promises, I had not the power to withhold.  On
which, with the utmost marks of a fear of again offending, he
ventured to kiss my lips, which I neither declined nor resented; but
on my mild expostulations with him upon the barbarity of his
treatment, he explain'd the mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to the
clearance, at least much to the alleviation of his guilt, in the eyes of a
judge so partial in his favour as I was grown.

"Its seems that the circumstance of his going down, or sinking,
which in my extreme ignorance I had mistaken for something very
fatal, was no other than a trick of diving which I had not ever heard,
or at least attended to, the mention of: and he was so long-breath'd
at it, that in the few moments in which I ran out to save him, he had
not yet emerged, before I fell into the swoon, in which, as he rose,
seeing me extended on the bank, his first idea was that some young
woman was upon some design of frolic or diversion with him, for
he knew I could not have fallen a-sleep there without his having
seen me before: agreeably to which notion he had ventured to
approach, and finding me without sign of life, and still perplex'd as
he was what to think of the adventure, he took me in his arms at all
hazards, and carried me into the summer-house, of which he
observed the door open: there he laid me down on the couch, and
tried, as he protested in good faith, by several means to bring me to
myself again, till fired, as he said, beyond all bearing by the sight
and touch of several parts of me which were unguardedly exposed
to him, he could no longer govern his passion; and the less, as he
was not quite sure that his first idea of this swoon being a feint was
not the very truth of the case: seduced then by this flattering notion,
and overcome by the present, as he styled them, superhuman
temptations, combined with the solitude and seeming security of
the attempt, he was not enough his own master not to make it.
Leaving me then just only whilst he fastened the door, he returned
with redoubled eagerness to his prey: when, finding me still
entranced, he ventured to place me as he pleased, whilst I felt, no
more than the dead, what he was about, till the pain he put me to
roused me just in time enough to be witness of a triumph I was not
able to defeat, and now scarce regretted: for as he talked, the tone of
his voice sounded, methought, so sweetly in my ears, the sensible
nearness of so new and interesting an object to me wrought so
powerfully upon me, that, in the rising perception of things in a new
and pleasing light, I lost all sense of the past injury.  The young
gentleman soon discern'd the symptoms of a reconciliation in my
softened looks, and hastening to receive the seal of it from my lips,
press'd them tenderly to pass his pardon in the return of a kiss so
melting fiery, that the impression of it being carried to my heart,
and thence to my new-discover'd sphere of Venus, I was melted
into a softness that could refuse him nothing.  When now he
managed his caresses and endearments so artfully as to insinuate
the most soothing consolations for the past pain and the most
pleasing expectations of future pleasure, but whilst mere modesty
kept my eyes from seeing his and rather declined them, I had a
glimpse of that instrument of the mischief which was now,
obviously even to me, who had scarce had snatches of a
comparative observation of it, resuming its capacity to renew it, and
grew greatly alarming with its increase of size, as he bore it no
doubt designedly, hard and stiff against one of my hands carelessly
dropt; but then he employ'd such tender prefacing, such winning
progressions, that my returning passion of desire being now so
strongly prompted by the engaging circumstances of the sight and
incendiary touch of his naked glowing beauties, I yielded at length
at the force of the present impressions, and he obtained of my tacit
blushing consent all the gratifications of pleasure left in the power
of my poor person to bestow, after he had cropt its richest flower,
during my suspension of life and abilities to guard it.

"Here, according to the rule laid down, I should stop; but I am so
much in motion, that I could not if I would.  I shall only add,
however, that I got home without the least discovery, or suspicion
of what had happened.  I met my young ravisher several times
after, whom I now passionately lov'd and who, tho' not of age to
claim a small but independent fortune, would have married me; but
as the accidents that prevented it, and their consequences which
threw me on the publick, contain matters too moving and serious to
introduce at present, I cut short here."

Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now took her
turn to treat the company with her history.  I have already hinted to
you the graces of her person, than which nothing could be more
exquisitely touching; I repeat touching, as a just distinction from
striking, which is ever a less lasting effect, and more generally
belongs to the fair complexions: but leaving that decision to every
one's taste, I proceed to give you Louisa's narrative as follows:

"According to practical maxims of life, I ought to boast of my
birth, since I owe it to pure love, without marriage; but this I know,
it was scarce possible to inherit a stronger propensity to that cause
of my being than I did.  I was the rare production of the first essay
of a journeyman cabinet-maker on his master's maid: the
consequence of which was a big belly, and the loss of a place.  He
was not in circumstances to do much for her; and yet, after all this
blemish, she found means, after she had dropt her burthen and
disposed of me to a poor relation's in the country, to repair it by
marrying a pastry-cook here in London, in thriving business; on
whom she soon, under favour of the complete ascendant he had
given her over him, passed me for a child she had by her first
husband.  I had, on that footing, been taken home, and was not six
years old when this step-father died and left my mother in tolerable
circumstances, and without any children by him.  As to my natural
father, he had betaken himself to the sea; where, when the truth of
things came out, I was told that he died, not immensely rich you
may think, since he was no more than a common sailor.  As I grew
up, under the eyes of my mother, who kept on the business, I could
not but see, in her severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip which
she did not care should be hereditary, but we no more choose our
passions than our features or complexion, and the bent of mine was
so strong to the forbidden pleasure, that it got the better, at length,
of all her care and precaution.  I was scarce twelve years old before
that part which she wanted so much to keep out of harm's way
made me feel its impatience to be taken notice of, and come into
play: already had it put forth the signs of forwardness in the sprout
of a soft down over it, which had often flatter'd, and I might also
say, grown under my constant touch and visitation, so pleas'd was I
with what I took to be a kind of title to womanhood, that state I
pin'd to be entr'd of, for the pleasures I conceiv'd were annexed to
it; and now the growing importance of that part to me, and the new
sensations in it, demolish'd at once all my girlish playthings and
amusements.  Nature now pointed me strongly to more solid
diversions, while all the stings of desire settled so fiercely in that
little centre of them, that I could not mistake the spot I wanted a
playfellow in.

"I now shunn'd all company in which there was no hopes of
coming at the object of my longings, and used to shut myself up, to
indulge in solitude some tender meditation on the pleasures I
strongly perceiv'd the overture of, in feeling and examining what
nature assur'd me must be the chosen avenue, the gates for
unknown bliss to enter at, that I panted after.

"But these meditations only increas'd my disorder, and blew the
fire that consumed me.  I was yet worse when, yielding at length to
the insupportable irritations of the little fairy charm that tormented
me, I seiz'd it with my fingers, teasing it to no end.  Sometimes, in
the furious excitations of desire, I threw myself on the bed, spread
my thighs abroad, and lay as it were expecting the longed-for relief,
till finding my illusion, I shut and squeez'd them together again,
burning and fretting.  In short, this dev'lish thing, with its
impetuous girds and itching fires, led me such a life that I could
neither night nor day be at peace with it or myself.  In time,
however, I thought I had gained a prodigious prize, when figuring
to myself that my fingers were something of the shape of what I
pined for, I worked my way in for one of them with great agitation
and delight; yet not without pain too did I deflower myself as far as
it could reach; proceeding with such a fury of passion, in this
solitary and last shift of pleasure, as extended me at length
breathless on the bed in an amorous melting trance.

"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began to
perceive that this work was but a paltry shallow expedient that
went but a little way to relieve me, and rather rais'd more flame
than its dry and insignificant titillation could rightly appease.

"Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what I had
industriously picked up at weddings and christenings, was
possess'd of the only remedy that could reduce this rebellious
disorder; but watch'd and overlook'd as I was, how to come at it
was the point, and that, to all appearance, an invincible one; not that
I did not rack my brains and invention how at once to elude my
mother's vigilance, and procure myself the satisfaction of my
impetuous curiosity and longings for this mighty and untasted
pleasure.  At length, however, a singular chance did at once the
work of a long course of alertness.  One day that we had dined at an
acquaintance's over the way, together with a gentlewoman-lodger
that occupied the first floor of our house, there started an
indispensable necessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich
to accompany her: the party was settled, when I do not know what
genius whispered me to plead a headache, which I certainly had
not, against my being included in a jaunt that I had not the least
relish for.  The pretext however passed, and my mother, with much
reluctance, prevailed with herself to go without me; but took
particular care to see me safe home, where she consign'd me into
the hands of an old trusty maid-servant, who served in the shop, for
we had not a male creature in the house.

"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie
down on our lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to
her at the same time not to disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted.
This injunction probably prov'd of eminent service to me.  As soon
as I was got into the bedchamber, I unlaced my stays, and threw
myself on the outside of the bed-cloaths, in all the loosest undress.
Here I gave myself up to the old insipid privy shifts of my self-
viewing, self-touching, self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means of self-
knowledge I could devise, in search of the pleasure that fled before
me, and tantalized with that unknown something that was out of
my reach; thus all only serv'd to enflame myself, and to provoke
violently my desires, whilst the one thing needful to their
satisfaction was not at hand, and I could have bit my fingers, for
representing it so ill.  After then wearying and fatiguing myself with
grasping shadows, whilst that most sensible part of me disdain'd to
content itself with less than realities, the strong yearnings, the
urgent struggles of nature towards the melting relief, and the
extreme self-agitations I had used to come at it, had wearied and
thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for, if I tossed and threw
about my limbs in proportion to the distraction of my dreams, as I
had reason to believe I did, a bystander could not have help'd
seeing all for love.  And one there was it seems; for waking out of
my very short slumber, I found my hand lock'd in that of a young
man, who was kneeling at my bed-side, and begging my pardon for
his boldness: but that being a son to the lady to whom this
bedchamber, he knew, belonged, he had slipp'd by the servant of
the shop, as he supposed, unperceiv'd, when finding me asleep, his
first ideas were to withdraw; but that he had been fix'd and detain'd
there by a power he could better account for than resist.

"What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprize were
instantly subdued by those of the pleasure I bespoke in great
presence of mind from the turn this adventure might take.  He
seem'd to me no other than a pitying angel, dropt out of the clouds:
for he was young and perfectly handsome, which was more than
even I had asked for; man, in general, being all that my utmost
desires had pointed at.  I thought then I could not put too much
encouragement into my eyes and voice; I regretted no leading
advances; no matter for his after-opinion of my forwardness, so it
might bring him to the point of answering my pressing demands of
present case; it was not now with his thoughts, but his actions, that
my business immediately lay.  I rais'd then my head, and told him,
in a soft tone that tended to prescribe the same key to him, that his
mamma was gone out and would not return till late at night: which
I thought no bad hint; but as it prov'd, I had nothing of a novice to
deal with.  The impressions I had made on him from the discoveries
I had betrayed of my person in the disordered motions of it, during
his view of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fix'd and
charmingly prepar'd him, that, had I known his dispositions, I had
more to hope from his violence than to fear from his respect; and
even less than the extreme tenderness which I threw into my voice
and eyes, would have served to encourage him to make the most of
the opportunity.  Finding then that his kisses, imprinted on my
hand, were taken as tamely as he could wish, he rose to my lips;
and glewing his to them, made me so faint with over-coming joy
and pleasure that I fell back, and he with me, in course, on the bed,
upon which I had, by insensibly shifting from the side to near the
middle, invitingly made room for him.  He is now lain down by me,
and the minutes being too precious to consume in untimely
ceremony, or dalliance, my youth proceeds immediately to those
extremities, which all my looks, flushing and palpitations had
assured him he might attempt without the fear of repulse: those
rogues, the men, read us admirably on these occasions.  I lay then at
length panting for the imminent attack, with wishes far beyond my
fears, and for which it was scarce possible for a girl, barely thirteen,
but all and well grown, to have better dispositions.  He threw up
my petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were, by an instinct of
nature, unfolded to their best; and my desires had so thoroughly
destroy'd all modesty in me, that even their being now naked and
all laid open to him, was part of the prelude that pleasure deepen'd
my blushes at, more than shame.  But when his hand, and touches,
naturally attracted to their centre, made me feel all their wantonness
and warmth in, and round it, oh! how immensely different a sense
of things did I perceive there, than when under my own insipid
handling! And now his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and the
confinement of the breeches burst through, when out started to
view the amazing, pleasing object of all my wishes, all my dreams,
all my love, the king member indeed! I gaz'd at, I devoured it, at
length and breadth, with my eyes intently directed to it, till his
getting upon me, and placing it between my thighs, took from me
the enjoyment of its sight, to give me a far more grateful one in its
touch, in that part where its touch is so exquisitely affecting.
Applying it then to the minute opening, for such at that age it
certainly was, I met with too much good will, I felt with too great a
rapture of pleasure the first insertion of it, to heed much the pain
that followed: I thought nothing too dear to pay for this the richest
treat of the senses; so that, split up, torn, bleeding, mangled, I was
still superiorly pleas'd, and hugg'd the author of all this delicious
ruin.  But when, soon after, he made his second attack, sore as every
thing was, the smart was soon put away by the sovereign cordial;
all my soft complainings were silenc'd, and the pain melting fast
away into pleasure.  I abandon'd myself over to all its transports,
and gave it the full possession of my whole body and soul; for now
all thought was at an end with me; I lived but in what I felt only.
And who could describe those feelings, those agitations, yet exalted
by the charm of their novelty and surprize? when that part of me
which had so long hunger'd for the dear morsel that now so
delightfully crammed it, forc'd all my vital sensations to fix their
home there, during the stay of my beloved guest; who too soon paid
me for his hearty welcome in a dissolvent, richer far than that I have
heard of some queen treating her paramour with, in liquify'd pearl,
and ravishingly pour'd into me, where, now myself too much
melted to give it a dry reception, I hail'd it with the warmest
confluence on my side, amidst all those extatic raptures, not
unfamiliar I presume to this good company! Thus, however, I
arrived at the very top of all my wishes, by an accident unexpected
indeed, but not so wonderful; for this young gentleman was just
arriv'd in town from college, and came familiarly to his mother at
her apartment, where he had once before been, though by mere
chance.  I had not seen him: so that we knew one another by hear-
say only; and finding me stretched on his mother's bed, he readily
concluded, from her description who it was.  The rest you know.

"This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the young
gentleman escaping then, and many more times undiscover'd.  But
the warmth of my constitution, that made the pleasures of love a
kind of necessary of life to me, having betray'd me into indiscretions
fatal to my private fortune, I fell at length to the publick; from
which, it is probable, I might have met with the worst of ruin if my
better fate had not thrown me into this safe and agreeable refuge."

Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having brought the
time for the girls to retire, and to prepare for the revels of the
evening, I staid with Mrs.  Cole till Emily came and told us the
company was met, and waited for us.

Part 7

On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we were met by a
young gentleman, extremely well dress'd, and a very pretty figure,
to whom I was to be indebted for the first essay of the pleasures of
the house.  He saluted me with great gallantry, and handed me into
the drawing room, the floor of which was overspread with a Turkey
carpet, and all its furniture voluptuously adapted to every demand
of the most study'd luxury; now too it was, by means of a profuse
illumination, enliven'd by a light scarce inferior, and perhaps more
favourable to joy, more tenderly pleasing, than that of broad sun-
shine.

On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction to hear a
buzz of approbation run through the whole company which now
consisted of four gentlemen, including my particular (this was the
cant-term of the house for one's gallant for the time), the three
young women, in a neat flowing dishabille, the mistress of the
academy, and myself.  I was welcomed and saluted by a kiss all
round, in which, however, it was easy to discover, in the superior
warmth of that of the men, the distinction of the sexes.

Aw'd and confounded as I was at seeing myself surrounded,
caress'd, and made court to by so many strangers, I could not
immediately familiarize myself to all that air of gaiety and joy which
dictated their compliments, and animated their caresses.

They assur'd me that I was so perfectly to their taste as to have
but one fault against me, which I might easily be cur'd of, and that
was my modesty: this, they observ'd, might pass for a beauty the
more with those who wanted it for a heightener; but their maxim
was, that it was an impertinent mixture, and dash'd the cup so as to
spoil the sincere draught of pleasure; they consider'd it accordingly
as their mortal enemy, and gave it no quarter wherever they met
with it.  This was a prologue not unworthy of the revels that ensu'd.

In the midst of all the frolic and wantonnesses, which this joyous
band had presently, and all naturally, run into, an elegant supper
was serv'd in, and we sat down to it, my spark-elect placing himself
next to me, and the other couples without order or ceremony.  The
delicate cheer and good wine soon banish'd all reserve; the
conversation grew as lively as could be wished, without taking too
loose a turn: these professors of pleasure knew too well, to stale
impressions of it, or evaporate the imagination in words, before the
time of action.  Kisses however were snatch'd at times, or where a
handkerchief round the neck interpos'd its feeble barrier, it was not
extremely respected: the hands of the men went to work with their
usual petulance, till the provocations on both sides rose to such a
pitch that my particular's proposal for beginning the country-dances
was received with instant assent: for, as he laughingly added, he
fancied the instruments were in tune.  This was a signal for
preparation, that the complaisant Mrs.  Cole, who understood life,
took for her cue of disappearing; no longer so fit for personal
service herself, and content with having settled the order of battle,
she left us the field, to fight it out at discretion.

As soon as she was gone, the table was remov'd form the
middle, and became a side-board; a couch was brought into its
place, of which when I whisperingly inquired the reason, of my
particular, he told me that as it was chiefly on my account that this
convention was met, the parties intended at once to humour their
taste of variety in pleasures, and by an open publick enjoyment, to
see me broke of any taint of reserve or modesty, which they look'd
on as the poison of joy; that though they occasionally preached
pleasure, and lived up to the text, they did not enthusiastically set
up for missionaries, and only indulg'd themselves in the delights of
a practical instruction of all the pretty women they lik'd well
enough to bestow it upon, and who fell properly in the way of it;
but that as such a proposal might be too violent, too shocking for a
young beginner, the old standers were to set an example, which he
hoped I would not be averse to follow, since it was to him I was
devolv'd in favour of the first experiment; but that still I was
perfectly at my liberty to refuse the party, which being in its nature
one of pleasure, suppos'd an exclusion of all force or constraint.

My countenance expressed, no doubt, my surprise as my silence
did my acquiescence.  I was now embarked, and thoroughly
determined on any voyage the company would take me on.

The first that stood up, to open the ball, were a cornet of horse,
and that sweetest of olive-beauties, the soft and amorous Louisa.
He led her to the couch "nothing loth," on which he gave her the fall,
and extended her at her length with an air of roughness and vigour,
relishing high of amorous eagerness and impatience.  The girl,
spreading herself to the best advantage, with her head upon the
pillow, was so concentred in what she was about, that our presence
seemed the least of her care and concern.  Her petticoats, thrown up
with her shift, discovered to the company the finest turn'd legs and
thighs that could be imagined, and in broad display, that gave us a
full view of that delicious cleft of flesh into which the pleasing hair-
grown mount over it, parted and presented a most inviting entrance
between two close-hedges, delicately soft and pouting.  Her gallant
was now ready, having disencumber'd himself from his cloaths,
overloaded with lace, and presently, his shirt removed, shew'd us
his forces in high plight, bandied and ready for action.  But giving
us no time to consider the dimensions, he threw himself instantly
over his charming antagonist, who receiv'd him as he pushed at
once dead at mark like a heroine, without flinching; for surely never
was girl constitutionally truer to the taste of joy, or sincerer in the
expressions of its sensations, than she was: we could observe
pleasure lighten in her eyes, as he introduc'd his plenipotentiary
instrument into her; till, at length, having indulg'd her to its utmost
reach, its irritations grew so violent, and gave her the spurs so
furiously, that collected within herself, and lost to everything but
the enjoyment of her favourite feelings, she retorted his thrusts with
a just concert of springy heaves, keeping time so exactly with the
most pathetic sighs, that one might have number'd the strokes in
agitation by their distinct murmurs, whilst her active limbs kept
wreathing and intertwisting with his, in convulsive folds: then the
turtle-billing kisses, and the poignant painless lovebites, which they
both exchang'd in a rage of delight, all conspiring towards the
melting period.  It soon came on when Louisa, in the ravings of her
pleasure-frenzy, impotent of all restraint, cried out: "Oh Sir!...Good
Sir!...pray do not spare me! ah! ah!..." All her accents now faltering
into heart-fetched sighs, she clos'd her eyes in the sweet death, in
the instant of which she was embalm'd by an injection, of which we
could easily see the signs in the quiet, dying, languid posture of her
late so furious driver, who was stopp'd of a sudden, breathing
short, panting, and, for the time, giving up the spirit of pleasure.  As
soon as he was dismounted, Louisa sprung up, shook her petticoats,
and running up to me, gave me a kiss and drew me to the side-
board, to which she was herself handed by her gallant, where they
made me pledge them in a glass of wine, and toast a droll health of
Louisa's proposal in high frolic.

By this time the second couple was ready to enter the lists: which
were a young baronet, and that delicatest of charmers, the winning,
tender Harriet.  My gentle esquire came to acquaint me with it, and
brought me back to the scene of action.

And, surely, never did one of her profession accompany her
dispositions for the bare-faced part she was engaged to play with
such a peculiar grace of sweetness, modesty and yielding coyness,
as she did.  All her air and motions breath'd only unreserv'd,
unlimited complaisance without the least mixture of impudence, or
prostitution.  But what was yet more surprising, her spark-elect, in
the midst of the dissolution of a publick open enjoyment, doted on
her to distraction, and had, by dint of love and sentiments, touched
her heart, tho' for a while the restraint of their engagement to the
house laid him under a kind of necessity of complying with an
institution which himself had had the greatest share in establishing.

Harriet was then led to the vacant couch by her gallant, blushing
as she look'd at me, and with eyes made to justify any thing,
tenderly bespeaking of me the most favourable construction of the
step she was thus irresistibly drawn into.

Her lover, for such he was, sat her down at the foot of the couch,
and passing his arm round her neck, preluded with a kiss fervently
applied to her lips, that visibly gave her life and spirit to go thro'
with the scene; and as he kiss'd, he gently inclined her head, till it
fell back on a pillow disposed to receive it, and leaning himself
down all the way with her, at once countenanc'd and endear'd her
fall to her.  There, as if he had guess'd our wishes, or meant to
gratify at once his pleasure and his pride, in being the master, by the
title of present possession, of beauties delicate beyond imagination,
he discovered her breasts to his own touch, and our common view;
but oh! what delicious manuals of love devotion! how inimitable
fine moulded! small, round, firm, and excellently white: the grain of
their skin, so soothing, so flattering to the touch! and their nipples,
that crown'd them, the sweetest buds of beauty.  When he had
feasted his eyes with the touch and perusal, feasted his lips with
kisses of the highest relish, imprinted on those all-delicious twin
orbs, the proceeded downwards.

Her legs still kept the ground; and now, with the tenderest
attention not to shock or alarm her too suddenly, he, by degrees,
rather stole than rolled up her petticoats; at which, as if a signal had
been given, Louisa and Emily took hold of her legs, in pure
wantonness, and, in ease to her, kept them stretched wide abroad.
Then lay exposed, or, to speak more properly, display'd the greatest
parade in nature of female charms.  The whole company, who,
except myself, had often seen them, seemed as much dazzled,
surpriz'd and delighted, as any one could be who had now beheld
them for the first time.  Beauties so excessive could not but enjoy the
privileges of eternal novelty.  Her thighs were so exquisitely
fashioned, that either more in, or more out of flesh than they were,
they would have declined from that point of perfection they
presented.  But what infinitely enrich'd and adorn'd them, was the
sweet intersection formed, where they met, at the bottom of the
smoothest, roundest, whitest belly, by that central furrow which
nature had sunk there, between, the soft relieve of two pouting
ridges, and which in this was in perfect symmetry of delicacy and
miniature with the rest of her frame.  No! nothing in nature could be
of a beautifuller cut; then, the dark umbrage of the downy spring-
moss that over-arched it bestowed, on the luxury of the landscape, a
touching warmth, a tender finishing, beyond the expression of
words, or even the paint of thought.

Her truly enamour'd gallant, who had stood absorbed and
engrossed by the pleasure of the sight long enough to afford us time
to feast ours (no fear of glutting!) addressed himself at length to the
materials of enjoyment, and lifting the linen veil that hung between
us and his master member of the revels, exhibited one whose
eminent size proclaimed the owner a true woman's hero.  He was,
besides, in every other respect an accomplish'd gentleman, and in
the bloom and vigour of youth.  Standing then between Harriet's
legs, which were supported by her two companions at their widest
extension, with one hand he gently disclosed the lips of that
luscious mouth of nature, whilst with the other, he stooped his
mighty machine to its lure, from the height of his stiff stand-up
towards his belly; the lips, kept open by his fingers, received its
broad shelving head of coral hue: and when he had nestled it in, he
hovered there a little, and the girls then deliver'd over to his hips
the agreeable office of supporting her thighs; and now, as if meant
to spin out his pleasure, and give it the more play for its life, he
passed up his instrument so slow that we lost sight of it inch by
inch, till at length it was wholly taken into the soft laboratory of
love, and the mossy mounts of each fairly met together.  In the
mean time, we could plainly mark the prodigious effect the
progressions of this delightful energy wrought in this delicious girl,
gradually heightening her beauty as they heightened her pleasure.
Her countenance and whole frame grew more animated; the faint
blush of her cheeks, gaining ground on the white, deepened into a
florid vivid vermilion glow, her naturally brilliant eyes now
sparkled with ten-fold lustre; her languor was vanish'd, and she
appeared, quick spirited, and alive all over.  He now fixed, nailed,
this tender creature with his home-driven wedge, so that she lay
passive by force, and unable to stir, till beginning to play a strain of
arms against this vein of delicacy, as he urged the to-and-fro
confriction, he awaken'd, rous'd, and touch'd her so to the heart,
that unable to contain herself, she could not but reply to his motions
as briskly as her nicety of frame would admit of, till the raging
stings of the pleasure rising towards the point, made her wild with
the intolerable sensations of it, and she now threw her legs and
arms about at random, as she lay lost in the sweet transport; which
on his side declared itself by quicker, eager thrusts, convulsive
gasps, burning sighs, swift laborious breathings, eyes darting humid
fires: all faithful tokens of the imminent approaches of the last gasp
of joy.  It came on at length: the baronet led the extasy, which she
critically joined in, as she felt the melting symptoms from him, in
the nick of which glewing more ardently than ever his lips to hers,
he shewed all the signs of that agony of bliss being strong upon him,
in which he gave her the finishing titillation; inly thrill'd with which,
we saw plainly that she answered it down with all effusion of spirit
and matter she was mistress of, whilst a general soft shudder ran
through all her limbs, which she gave a stretch-out of, and lay
motionless, breathless, dying with dear delight; and in the height of
its expression, shewing, through the nearly closed lids of her eyes,
just the edges of their black, the rest being rolled strongly upwards
in their extasy; then her sweet mouth appear'd languishingly open,
with the tip of her tongue leaning negligently towards the lower
range of her white teeth, whilst the natural ruby colour of her lips
glowed with heightened life.  Was not this a subject to dwell upon?
And accordingly her lover still kept on her, with an abiding
delectation, till compressed, squeezed and distilled to the last drop,
he took leave with one fervent kiss, expressing satisfy'd desires, but
unextinguish'd love.

As soon as he was off, I ran to her, and sitting down on the
couch by her, rais'd her head, which she declin'd gently, and hung
on my bosom, to hide her blushes and confusion at what had pass'd,
till by degrees she recomposed herself and accepted of a restorative
glass of wine from my spark, who had left me to fetch it her, whilst
her own was re-adjusting his affairs and buttoning up; after which
he led her, leaning languishingly upon him, to our stand of view
round the couch.

And now Emily's partner had taken her out for her share in the
dance, when this transcendently fair and sweet tempered creature
readily stood up; and if a complexion to put the rose and lily out of
countenance, extreme pretty features, and that florid health and
bloom for which the country-girls are so lovely, might pass her for a
beauty, this she certainly was, and one to the most striking of the
fair ones.

Her gallant began first, as she stood, to disengage her breasts,
and restore them to the liberty of nature, from the easy confinement
of no more than a pair of jumps; but on their coming out to view,
we thought a new light was added to the room, so superiourly
shining was their whiteness; then they rose in so happy a swell as to
compose her a wellformed fulness of bosom, that had such an effect
on the eye as to seem flesh hardening into marble, of which it
emulated the polished gloss, and far surpassed even the whitest, in
the life and lustre of its colours, white veined with blue.  Refrain
who could from such provoking enticements to it in reach? He
touched her breasts, first lightly, when the glossy smoothness of the
skin eluded his hand, and made it slip along the surface; he press'd
them, and the springy flesh that filled them thus pitted by force,
rose again reboundingly with his hand, and on the instant effac'd
the pressure: and alike indeed was the consistence of all those parts
of her body throughout, where the fulness of flesh compacts and
constitutes all that fine firmness which the touch is so highly
attach'd to.  When he had thus largely pleased himself with this
branch of dalliance and delight, he truss'd up her petticoat and shift
in a wisp to her waist, where being tuck'd in, she stood fairly naked
on every side; a blush at this overspread her lovely face, and her
eyes down cast to the ground seemed to be for quarter, when she
had so great a right to triumph in all the treasures of youth and
beauty that she now so victoriously display'd.  Her legs were
perfectly well shaped and her thighs, which she kept pretty close,
shewed so white, so round, so substantial and abounding in firm
flesh, that nothing could offer a stronger recommendation to the
luxury of the touch, which he accordingly did not fail to indulge
himself in.  Then gently removing her hand, which in the first
emotion of natural modesty she had carried thither, he gave us
rather a glimpse than a view of that soft narrow chink running its
little length downwards and hiding the remains of it between her
thighs; but plain was to be seen the fringe of light-brown curls, in
beauteous growth over it, that with their silky gloss created a
pleasing variety from the surrounding white, whose lustre too, their
gentle embrowning shade, considerably raised.  Her spark then
endeavoured, as she stood, by disclosing her thighs, to gain us a
completer sight of that central charm of attraction, but not obtaining
it so conveniently in that attitude, he led her to the foot of the couch,
and bringing to it one of the pillows, gently inclin'd her head down,
so that as she leaned with it over her crossed hands, straddling with
her thighs wide spread, and jutting her body out, she presented a
full back view of her person, naked to the waist.  Her posteriours,
plump, smooth, and prominent, form'd luxuriant tracts of animated
snow, that splendidly filled the eye, till it was commanded down
the parting or separation of those exquisitely white cliffs, by their
narrow vale, and was there stopt, and attracted by the embowered
bottom-cavity, that terminated this delightful vista and stood
moderately gaping from the influence of her bended posture, so that
the agreeable, interior red of the sides of the orifice came into view,
and with respect to the white that dazzled round it, gave somewhat
the idea of a pink slash in the glossiest white satin.  Her gallant, who
was a gentleman about thirty, somewhat inclin'd to a fatness that
was in no sort displeasing, improving the hint thus tendered him of
this mode of enjoyment, after settling her well in this posture, and
encouraging her with kisses and caresses to stand him through,
drew out his affair ready erected, and whose extreme length, rather
disproportion'd to its breadth, was the more surprizing, as that
excess is not often the case with those of his corpulent habit; making
then the right and direct application, he drove it up to the guard,
whilst the round bulge of those Turkish beauties of her's tallying
with the hollow made with the bent of his belly and thighs, as they
curved inwards, brought all those parts, surely not undelightfully,
into warm touch, and close conjunction; his hands he kept passing
round her body, and employed in toying with her enchanting
breasts.  As soon too as she felt him at home as he could reach, she
lifted her head a little from the pillow, and turning her neck,
without much straining, but her cheeks glowing with the deepest
scarlet, and a smile of the tenderest satisfaction, met the kiss he
press'd forward to give her as they were thus close joined together:
when leaving him to pursue his delights, she hid again her face and
blushes with her hands and pillow, and thus stood passively and as
favourably too as she could, whilst he kept laying at her with
repeated thrusts and making the meeting flesh on both sides
resound again with the violence of them; then ever as he backen'd
from her, we could see between them part of his long whitestaff
foamingly in motion, till, as he went on again and closed with her,
the interposing hillocks took it out of sight.  Sometimes he took his
hands from the semi-globes of her bosoms, and transferred the
pressure of them to those larger ones, the present subjects of his soft
blockade, which he squeez'd, grasp'd and play'd with, till at length
a pursuit of driving, so hotly urged, brought on the height of the fit,
with such overpowering pleasure, that his fair partner became, now
necessary to support him, panting, fainting and dying as he
discharged; which she no sooner felt the killing sweetness of, than
unable to keep her legs, and yielding to the mighty intoxication, she
reeled, and falling forward on the couch, made it a necessity for
him, if he would preserve the warm pleasurehold, to fall upon her,
where they perfected, in a continued conjunction of body and
extatic flow, their scheme of joys for that time.

As soon as he had disengag'd, the charming Emily got up, and
we crowded round her with congratulations and other officious
little services; for it is to be noted, that though all modesty and
reserve were banished from the transaction of these pleasures, good
manners and politeness were inviolably observ'd: here was no gross
ribaldry, no offensive or rude behaviour, or ungenerous reproaches
to the girls for their compliance with the humours and desires of the
men.  On the contrary, nothing was wanting to soothe, encourage,
and soften the sense of their condition to them.  Men know not in
general how much they destroy of their own pleasure, when they
break through the respect and tenderness due to our sex, and even
to those of it who live only by pleasing them.  And this was a
maxim perfectly well understood by these polite voluptuaries, these
profound adepts in the great art and science of pleasure, who never
shew'd these votaries of theirs a more tender respect than at the
time of those exercises of their complaisance, when they unlock'd
their treasures of concealed beauty, and shewed out in the pride of
their native charms, ever-more touching surely than when they
paraded it in the artificial ones of dress and ornament.

The frolick was now come round to me, and it being my turn of
subscription to the will and pleasure of my particular elect, as well
as to that of the company, he came to me, and saluting me very
tenderly, with a flattering eagerness, put me in mind of the
compliances my presence there authoriz'd the hopes of, and at the
same time repeated to me that if all this force of example had not
surmounted any repugnance I might have to concur with the
humours and desires of the company, that though the play was
bespoke for my benefit, and great as his own private
disappointment might be, he would suffer any thing, sooner than be
the instrument of imposing a disagreeable task on me.

To this I answered, without the least hesitation or mincing
grimace, that had I not even contracted a kind of engagement to be
at his disposal without the least reserve, the example of such
agreeable companions would alone determine me and that I was in
no pain about any thing but my appearing to so great a
disadvantage after such superior beauties.  And take notice that I
thought as I spoke.  The frankness of the answer pleas'd them all;
my particular was complimented on his acquisition, and, by way of
indirect flattery to me, openly envied.

Mrs.  Cole, by the way, could not have given me a greater mark
of her regard than in managing for me the choice of this young
gentleman for my master of the ceremonies: for, independent of his
noble birth and the great fortune he was heir to, his person was
even uncommonly pleasing, well shaped and tall; his face mark'd
with the small-pox, but no more than what added a grace of more
manliness to features rather turned to softness and delicacy, was
marvellously enliven'd by eyes which were of the clearest sparkling
black; in short, he was one whom any woman would, in the familiar
style, readily call a very pretty fellow.

I was now handed by him to the cock-pit of our match, where, as
I was dressed in nothing but a white morning gown, he vouchsafed
to play the male-Abigail on this occasion, and spared me the
confusion that would have attended the forwardness of undressing
myself: my gown then was loosen'd in a trice, and I divested of it;
my stay next offered an obstacle which readily gave way, Louisa
very readily furnishing a pair of scissors to cut the lace; off went
that shell and dropping my upper-coat, I was reduced to my under
one and my shift, the open bosom of which gave the hands and eyes
all the liberty they could wish.  Here I imagin'd the stripping was to
stop, but I reckoned short: my spark, at the desire of the rest,
tenderly begged that I would not suffer the small remains of a
covering to rob them of a full view of my whole person; and for me,
who was too flexibly obsequious to dispute any point with them,
and who considered the little more that remain'd as very
immaterial, I readily assented to whatever he pleased.  In an instant,
then, my under-petticoat was untied and at my feet, and my shift
drawn over my head, so that my cap, slightly fasten'd, came off
with it, and brought all my hair down (of which, be it again
remembered without vanity, that I had a very fine head) in loose
disorderly ringlets, over my neck and shoulders, to the not
unfavourable set-off of my skin.

I now stood before my judges in all the truth of nature, to whom
I could not appear a very disagreeable figure, if you please to
recollect what I have before said of my person, which time, that at
certain periods of life robs us every instant of our charms, had, at
that of mine, then greatly improved into full and open bloom, for I
wanted some months of eighteen.  My breasts, which in the state of
nudity are ever capital points, now in no more than in graceful
plenitude, maintained a firmness and steady independence of any
stay or support that dared and invited the test of the touch.  Then I
was as tall, as slim-shaped as could be consistent with all that juicy
plumpness of flesh, ever the most grateful to the senses of sight and
touch, which I owed to the health and youth of my constitution.  I
had not, however, so thoroughly renounc'd all innate shame as not
to suffer great confusion at the state I saw myself in; but the whole
troop round me, men and women, relieved me with every mark of
applause and satisfaction, every flattering attention to raise and
inspire me with even sentiments of pride on the figure I made,
which, my friend gallantly protested, infinitely outshone all other
birthday finery whatever; so that had I leave to set down, for
sincere, all the compliments these connoisseurs overwhelmed me
with upon this occasion, I might flatter myself with having pass'd
my examination with the approbation of the learned.

My friend however, who for this time had alone the disposal of
me, humoured their curiosity, and perhaps his own, so far that he
placed me in all the variety of postures and lights imaginable,
pointing out every beauty under every aspect of it, not without such
parentheses of kisses, such inflammatory liberties of his roving
hands, as made all shame fly before them, and a blushing glow give
place to a warmer one of desire, which led me even to find some
relish in the present scene.

But in this general survey, you may be sure, the most material
spot of me was not excus'd the strictest visitation; nor was it but
agreed, that I had not the least reason to be diffident of passing even
for a maid, on occasion: so inconsiderable a flaw had my preceding
adventures created there, and so soon had the blemish of an over-
stretch been repaired and worn out at my age, and in my naturally
small make in that part.

Now, whether my partner had exhausted all the modes of
regaling the touch or sight, or whether he was now ungovernably
wound up to strike, I know not; but briskly throwing off his clothes,
the prodigious heat bred by a close room, a great fire, numerous
candles, and even the inflammatory warmth of these scenes,
induced him to lay aside his shirt too, when his breeches, before
loosen'd, now gave up their contents to view, and shew'd in front
the enemy I had to engage with, stiffly bearing up the port of its
head unhooded, and glowing red.  Then I plainly saw what I had to
trust to: it was one of those just true-siz'd instruments, of which the
masters have a better command than the more unwieldy, inordinate
siz'd ones are generally under.  Straining me then close to his
bosom, as he stood up fore-right against me and applying to the
obvious niche its peculiar idol, he aimed at inserting it, which, as I
forwardly favoured, he effected at once by canting up my thighs
over his naked hips, and made me receive every inch, and close
home; so that stuck upon the pleasure-pivot, and clinging round his
neck, in which and in his hair I hid my face, burningly flushing with
my present feelings as much as with shame, my bosom glew'd to
his; he carried me once round the couch, on which he then, without
quitting the middle-fastness, or dischannelling, laid me down, and
began the pleasure-grist.  But so provokingly predisposed and
primed as we were, by all the moving sights of the night, our
imagination was too much heated not to melt us of the soonest: and
accordingly, I no sooner felt the warm spray darted up my inwards
from him, but I was punctually on flow, to share the momentary
extasy; but I had yet greater reason to boast of out harmony: for
finding that all the flames of desire were not yet quench'd within
me, but that rather, like wetted coals, I glowed the fiercer for this
sprinkling, my hot-mettled spark, sympathizing with me, and
loaded for a double fire, recontinu'd the sweet battery with undying
vigour; greatly pleas'd at which I gratefully endeavoured to
accommodate all my motions to his best advantage and delight;
kisses, squeezes, tender murmurs, all came into play, till our joys,
growing more turbulent and riotous, threw us into a fond disorder,
and as they raged to a point, bore us far from ourselves into an
ocean of boundless pleasures, into which we both plunged together
in a transport of taste.  Now all the impressions of burning desire,
from the lively scenes I had been spectatress of, ripened by the heat
of this exercise, and collecting to a head, throbb'd and agitated me
with insupportable irritations: I did not now enjoy a calm of reason
enough to perceive, but I extatically, indeed, felt the power of such
rare and exquisite provocatives, as the examples of the night had
proved towards thus exalting our pleasures: which, with great joy, I
sensibly found my gallant shared in, by his nervous and home
expressions of it: his eyes flashing eloquent flames, his action
infuriated with the stings of it, all conspiring to rise my delight by
assuring me of his.  Lifted then to the utmost pitch of joy that
human life can bear,undestroyed by excess, I touch'd that sweetly
critical point, whence scarce prevented by the injection from my
partner, I dissolved, and breaking out into a deep drawn sigh, sent
my whole sensitive soul down to that passage where escape was
denied it, by its being so deliciously plugged and chok'd up.  Thus
we lay a few blissful instants, overpowered, still, and languid; till,
as the sense of pleasure stagnated, we recover'd from out trance,
and he slipt out of me, not however before he had protested his
extreme satisfaction by the tenderest kiss and embrace, as well as by
the most cordial expressions.

The company, who had stood round us in a profound silence,
when all was over, help'd me to hurry on my cloaths in an instant,
and complimented me on the sincere homage they could not escape
observing had been done (as they termed it) to the sovereignty of
my charms, in my receiving a double payment of tribute at one
juncture.  But my partner, now dress'd again, signaliz'd, above all, a
fondness unbated by the circumstance of recent enjoyment; the girls
too kiss'd and embraced me, assuring me that for that time, or
indeed any other, unless I pleased, I was to go thro' no farther
publick trials, and that I was now consummatedly initiated, and one
of them.

As it was an inviolable law for every gallant to keep to his
partner, for the night especially, and even till he relinquish'd
possession over to the community, in order to preserve a pleasing
property and to avoid the disgusts and indelicacy of another
arrangement, the company, after a short refection of biscuits and
wine, tea and chocolate, served in at now about one in the morning,
broke up, and went off in pairs.  Mrs.  Cole had prepared my spark
and me an occasional field-bed, to which we retir'd, and there
ended the night in one continued strain of pleasure, sprightly and
uncloy'd enough for us not to have formed one wish for its ever
knowing an end.  In the morning, after a restorative breakfast in
bed, he got up, and with very tender assurances of a particular
regard for me, left me to the composure and refreshment of a sweet
slumber; waking out of which, and getting up to dress before Mrs.
Cole should come in, I found in one of my pockets a purse of
guineas, which he had slipt there; and just as I was musing on a
liberality I had certainly not expected, Mrs.  Cole came in, to whom
I immediately communicated the present, and naturally offered her
whatever share she pleas'd: but assuring me that the gentleman had
very nobly rewarded her, she would on no terms, no entreaties, no
shape I could put it in, receive any part of it.  Her denial, she
observed, was not affectation of grimace, and proceeded to read me
such admirable lessons on the economy of my person and my purse
as I became amply paid for my general attention and conformity to
in the course of my acquaintance with the town.  After which,
changing the discourse, she fell on the pleasures of the preceding
night, where I learn'd, without much surprize, as I began to enter on
her character, that she had seen every thing that had passed, from a
convenient place managed solely for that purpose, and of which she
readily made me the confidante.

She had scarce finish'd this, when the little troop of love, the girls
my companions, broke in and renewed their compliments and
caresses.  I observed with pleasure that the fatigues and exercises of
the night had not usurped in the least on the life of their
complexion, or the freshness of their bloom: this I found, by their
confession, was owing to the management and advice of our rare
directress.  They went down then to figure it, as usual, in the shop,
whilst I repair'd to my lodgings, where I employed myself till I
returned to dinner at Mrs.  Cole's.

Here I staid in constant amusement, with one or other of these
charming girls, till about five in the evening; when seiz'd with a
sudden drowsy fit, I was prevailed on to go up and doze it off on
Harriet's bed, who left me on it to my repose.  There then I lay
down in my cloaths and fell fast asleep, and had now enjoyed, by
guess, about an hour's rest, when I was pleasingly disturbed by my
new and favourite gallant, who, enquiring for me, was readily
directed where to find me.  Coming then into my chamber, and
seeing me lie alone, with my face turn'd from the light towards the
inside of the bed, he, without more ado, just slipped off his
breeches, for the greater ease and enjoyment of the naked touch;
and softly turning up my petticoat and shift behind, opened the
prospect of the back avenue to the genial seat of pleasure; where, as
I lay at my side length, inclining rather face downward, I appeared
full fair, and liable to be entered.  /Laying himself then gently down
by me, he invested me behind, and giving me to feel the warmth of
his body as he applied his thighs and belly close to me, and the
endeavours of that machine, whose touch has something so
exquisitely singular in it, to make its way good into me.  I wak'd
pretty much startled at first, but seeing who it was, disposed myself
to turn to him, when he gave me a kiss, and desiring me to keep my
posture, just lifted up my upper thigh, and ascertaining the right
opening, soon drove it up to the farthest: satisfied with which, and
solacing himself with lying so close in those parts, he suspended
motion, and thus steeped in pleasure, kept me lying on my side,
into him, spoon-fashion, as he term'd it, from the snug indent of the
back part of my thighs, and all upwards, into the space of the
bending between his thighs and belly; till, after some time, that
restless and turbulent inmate, impatient by nature of longer quiet,
urg'd him to action, which now prosecuting with all the usual train
of toying, kissing, and the like, ended at length in the liquid proof
on both sides, that we had not exhausted, or at least were quickly
recruited of last night's draughts of pleasure in us.

With this noble and agreeable youth liv'd I in perfect joy and
constancy.  He was full bent on keeping me to himself, for the
honey-month at least; but his stay in London was not even so long,
his father, who had a post in Ireland, taking him abruptly with him
on his repairing thither.  Yet even then I was near keeping hold of
his affection and person, as he had propos'd, and I had consented to
follow him in order to go to Ireland after him, as soon as he could
be settled there; but meeting with an agreeable and advantageous
match in that kingdom, he chose the wiser part, and forebore
sending for me, but at the same time took care that I should receive
a very magnificent present, which did not however compensate for
all my deep regret on my loss of him.

This event also created a chasm in our little society, which Mrs.
Cole, on the foot of her usual caution, was in no haste to fill up; but
then it redoubled her attention to procure me, in the advantages of a
traffic for a counterfeit maidenhead, some consolation for the sort of
widowhood I had been left in; and this was a scheme she had never
lost prospect of, and only waited for a proper person to bring it to
bear with.

But I was, it seems, fated to be my own caterer in this, as I had
been in my first trial of the market.

I had now pass'd near a month in the enjoyment of all the
pleasures of familiarity and society with my companions, whose
particular favourites (the baronet excepted, who soon after took
Harriet home) had all, on the terms of community establish'd in the
house, solicited the gratification of their taste for variety in my
embraces; but I had with the utmost art and address, on various
pretexts, eluded their pursuit, without giving them cause to
complain; and this reserve I used neither out of dislike of them, or
disgust of the thing, but my true reason was my attachment to my
own, and my tenderness of invading the choice of my companions,
who outwardly exempt, as they seem'd, from jealousy, could not
but in secret like me the better for the regard I had for, without
making a merit of it to them.  Thus easy, and beloved by the whole
family, did I go on; when one day, that, about five in the afternoon,
I stepped over to a fruiterer's shop in Covent Garden, to pick some
table fruit for myself and the young women, I met with the
following adventure.

Whilst I was chaffering for the fruit I wanted, I observ'd myself
follow'd by a young gentleman, whose rich dress first attracted my
notice; for the rest, he had nothing remarkable in his person, except
that he was pale, thin-made, and ventur'd himself upon legs rather
of the slenderest.  Easy was it to perceive, without seeming to
perceive it, that it was me he wanted to be at; and keeping his eyes
fixed on me, till he came to the same basket that I stood at, and
cheapening, or rather giving the first price ask'd for the fruit, began
his approaches.  Now most certainly I was not at all out of figure to
pass for a modest girl.  I had neither the feathers nor fumet of a
taudry townmiss: a straw hat, a white gown, clean linen, and above
all, a certain natural and easy air of modesty (which the
appearances of never forsook me, even on those occasions that I
most broke in upon it, in practice) were all signs that gave him no
opening to conjecture my condition.  He spoke to me; and this
address from a stranger throwing a blush into my cheeks that still
set him wider off the truth, I answered him with an aukwardness
and confusion the more apt to impose, as there was really a mixture
of the genuine in them.  But when proceeding, on the foot of having
broken the ice, to join discourse, he went into other leading
questions, I put so much innocence, simplicity, and even
childishness into my answers that on no better foundation, liking
my person as he did, I will answer for it, he would have been sworn
for my modesty.  There is, in short, in the men, when once they are
caught, by the eye especially, a fund of cullibility that their lordly
wisdom little dreams of, and in virtue of which the most sagacious
of them are seen so often our dupes.  Amongst other queries he put
to me, one was whether I was married.  I replied that I was too
young to think of that this many a year.  To that of my age, I
answered, and sunk a year upon him, passing myself for not
seventeen.  As to my way of life, I told him I had serv'd an
apprenticeship to a milliner in Preston, and was come to town after
a relation, that I had found, on my arrival, was dead, and now liv'd
journey-woman to a milliner in town.  That last article, indeed, was
not much of the side of what I pretended to pass for; but it did pass,
under favour of the growing passion I had inspir'd him with.  After
he had next got out of me, very dextrously as he thought, what I
had no sort of design to make reserve of, my own, my mistress's
name, and place of abode, he loaded me with fruit, all the rarest and
dearest he could pick out, and sent me home, pondering on what
might be the consequence of this adventure.

As soon then as I came to Mrs.  Cole's, I related to her all that
passed, on which she very judiciously concluded that if he did not
come after me there was no harm done, and that, if he did, as her
presage suggested to her he would, his character and his views
should be well sifted, so as to know whether the game was worth
the springs; that in the mean time nothing was easier than my part
in it, since no more rested on me than to follow her cue and
promptership throughout, to the last act.

The next morning, after an evening spent on his side, as we
afterwards learnt, in perquisitions into Mrs.  Cole's character in the
neighbourhood (than which nothing could be more favourable to
her design upon him), my gentleman came in his chariot to the
shop, where Mrs.  Cole alone had an inkling of his errand.  Asking
then for her, he easily made a beginning of acquaintance by be-
speaking some millinery ware: when, as I sat without lifting up my
eyes, and pursuing the hem of a ruffle with the utmost composure
and simplicity of industry, Mrs.  Cole took notice that the first
impressions I made on him ran no risk of being destroyed by those
of Louisa and Emily, who were then sitting at work by me.  After
vainly endeavouring to catch my eyes in re-encounter with his (as I
held my head down, affecting a kind of consciousness of guilt for
having, by speaking to him, given him encouragement and means of
following me), and after giving Mrs.  Cole direction when to bring
the things home herself, and the time he should expect them, he
went out, taking with him some goods that he paid for liberally, for
the better grace of his introduction.

Part 8

The girls all this time did not in the least smoke the mystery of
this new customer; but Mrs.  Cole, as soon as we were conveniently
alone, insur'd me, in virtue of her long experience in these matters,
that for this bout my charms had not miss'd fire; for that by his
eagerness, his manner and looks, she was sure he had it: the only
point now in doubt was his character and circumstances, which her
knowledge of the town would soon gain her sufficient acquaintance
with, to take her measures upon.

And effectively, in a few hours, her intelligence serv'd her so
well that she learn'd that this conquest of mine was no other than
Mr.  Norbert, a gentleman originally of great fortune, which, with a
constitution naturally not the best, he had vastly impaired by his
over-violent pursuit of the vices of the town; in the course of which,
having worn out and stal'd all the more common modes of
debauchery, he had fallen into a taste of maiden-hunting; in which
chase he had ruin'd a number of girls, sparing no expence to
compass his ends, and generally using them well till tired, or cool'd
by enjoyment, or springing a new face, he could with more ease
disembarrass himself of the old ones, and resign them to their fate,
as his sphere of achievements of that sort lay only amongst such as
he could proceed with by way of bargain and sale.

Concluding from these premises, Mrs.  Cole observ'd that a
character of this sort was ever a lawful prize; that the sin would be,
not to make the best of our market of him; and that she thought
such a girl as I only too good for him at any rate, and on any terms.

She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one of
our inns of court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeur that
had a special eye to all the conveniences of luxury and pleasure.
Here she found him in ready waiting; and after finishing her
pretence of business, and a long circuit of discussions concerning
her trade, which she said was very bad, the qualities of her servants,
'prentices, journey-women, the discourse naturally landed at length
on me, when Mrs.  Cole, acting admirably the good old prating
gossip, who lets every thing escape her when her tongue is set in
motion, cooked him up a story so plausible of me, throwing in every
now and then such strokes of art, with all the simplest air of nature,
in praise of my person and temper, as finished him finely for her
purpose, whilst nothing could be better counterfeited than her
innocence of his.  But when now fired and on edge, he proceeded to
drop hints of his design and views upon me, after he had with
much confusion and pains brought her to the point (she kept as long
aloof from as she thought proper) of understanding him, without
now affecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by flying out into
those violent and ever suspicious passions, she stuck with the better
grace and effect to the character of a plain, good sort of a woman,
that knew no harm, and that getting her bread in an honest way,
was made of stuff easy and flexible enough to be wrought upon to
his ends, by his superior skill and address; but, however, she
managed so artfully that three or four meetings took place before he
could obtain the least favourable hope of her assistance; without
which, he had, by a number of fruitless messages, letters, and other
direct trials of my disposition, convinced himself there was no
coming at me, all which too rais'd at once my character and price
with him.

Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such a
length as might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents,
unfavourable to her plan, she at last pretended to be won over by
mere dint of entreaties, promises, and, above all, by the dazzling
sum she took care to wind him up to the specification of, when it
was now even a piece of art to feign, at once, a yielding to the
allurements of a great interest, as a pretext for her yielding at all,
and the manner of it such as might persuade him she had never
dipp'd her virtuous fingers in an affair of that sort.

Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, and
obstacles, necessary to enhance the balue of the prize he aim'd at;
and in conclusion, he was so struck with the little beauty I was
mistress of, and so eagerly bent on gaining his ends of me, that he
left her even no room to boast of her management in bringing him
up to her mark, he drove so plum of himself into every thing
tending to make him swallow the bait.  Not but, in other respects,
Mr.  Norbert was not clear sighted enough, or that he did not
perfectly know the town, and even by experience, the very branch
of imposition now in practice upon him: but we had his passion our
friend so much, he was so blinded and hurried on by it, that he
would have thought any undeception a very ill office done to his
pleasure.  Thus concurring, even precipitately, to the point she
wanted him at, Mrs.  Cole brought him at last to hug himself on the
cheap bargain he consider'd the purchase of my imaginary jewel
was to him, at no more than three hundred guineas to myself, and a
hundred to the brokeress: being a slender recompense for all her
pains, and all the scruples of conscience she had now sacrificed to
him for this the first time of her life; which sums were to be paid
down on the nail, upon livery of my person, exclusive of some no
inconsiderable presents that had been made in the course of the
negotiation: during which I had occasionally, but sparingly been
introduc'd inbto his company, at proper times and hours; in which
it is incredible how little it seem'd necessary to strain my natural
disposition to modesty higher, in order to pass it upon him for that
of a very maid: all my looks and gestures ever breathing nothing
but that innocence which the men so ardently require in us, for no
other end than to feast themselves with the pleasures of destroying
it, and which they are so grievously, with all their skill, subject to
mistakes in.

When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, the
stipulated payments duly secur'd, and nothing now remained but
the execution of the main point, which center'd in the surrender of
my person up to his free disposal and use, Mrs.  Cole managed her
objections, especially to his lodgings, and insinuations so nicely, that
it became his own mere notion and urgent request that this copy of
a wedding should be finish'd at her house: At first, indeed, she did
not care, said she, to have such doings in it...she would not for a
thousand pounds have any of the servants or 'prentices know
it...her precious good name would be gone forever--with the like
excuses.  However, on superior objections to all other expedients,
whilst she took care to start none but those which were most liable
to them, it came round at last to the necessity of her obliging him in
that conveniency, and of doing a little more where she had already
done so much.

The night then was fix'd, with all possible respect to the
eagerness of his impatience, and in the mean time Mrs.  Cole had
omitted no instructions, nor even neglected any preparation, that
might enable me to come off with honour, in regard to the
appearance of my virginity, except that, favour'd as I was by nature
with all the narrowness of stricture in that part requisite to conduct
my designs, I had no occasion to borrow those auxiliaries of art that
create a momentary one, easily discover'd by the test of a warm
bath; and as to the usual sanguinary symptoms of defloration,
which, if not always, are generally attendants on it, Mrs.  Cole had
made me the mistress of an invention of her own which could
hardly miss its effect, and of which more in its place.

Everything then being disposed and fix'd for Mr.  Norbert's
reception, he was, at the hour of eleven at night, with all the
mysteries of silence and secrecy, let in by Mrs.  Cole herself, and
introduced into her bed-chamber, where, in an old-fashioned bed of
her's, I lay, fully undressed, and panting, if not with the fears of a
real maid, at least with those perhaps greater of a dissembled one
which gave me an air of confusion and bashfulness that maiden-
modesty had all the honour of, and was indeed scarce
distinguishable from it, even by less partial eyes than those of my
lover: so let me call him, for I ever thought the term "cully" too cruel
a reproach to the men for their abused weakness for us.

As soon as Mrs.  Cole, after the old gossipery, on these
occasions, us'd to young women abandoned for the first time to the
will of man, had left us alone in her room, which, bythe-bye, was
well lighted up, at his previous desire, that seemed to bode a stricter
examination that he afterwards made, Mr.  Norbert, still dressed,
sprung towards the bed, where I got my head under the cloaths,
and defended them a good while before he could even get at my
lips, to kiss them: so true it is, that a false virtue, on this occasion,
even makes a greater rout and resistance than a true one.  From
thence he descended to my breasts, the feel I disputed tooth and
nail with him till, tired with my resistance, and thinking probably to
give a better account of me, when got into bed to me, the hurry'd his
cloaths off in an instant, and came into bed.

Mean while, by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easily discover
a person far from promising any such doughty performances as the
storming of maidenheads generally requires, and whose flimsy
consumptive texture gave him more the air of an invalid that was
pressed, than of a volunteer, on such hot service.

At scarce thirty, he had already reduced his strength of appetite
down to a wretched dependence on forc'd provocatives, very little
seconded by the natural power of a body jaded and racked off to
the lees by constant repeated over-draughts of pleasure, which had
done the work of sixty winters on his springs of life: leaving him at
the same time all the fire and heat of youth in his imagination,
which served at once to torment and spur him down the precipice.

As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bed-cloaths, which I
suffered him to force from my hold, and I now lay as expos'd as he
could wish, not only to his attacks, but his visitation of the sheets;
where in the various agitations of the body, through my endeavours
to defend myself, he could easily assure himself there was no
preparation: though, to do him justice, he seem'd a less strict
examinant than I had apprehended from so experienc'd a
practitioner.  My shift then he fairly tore open, finding I made too
much use of it to barricade my breasts, as well as the more
important avenue: yet in every thing else he proceeded with all the
marks of tenderness and regard to me, whilst the art of my play was
to shew none for him.  I acted then all the niceties, apprehensions,
and terrors supposable for a girl perfectly innocent to feel at so
great a novelty as a naked man in bed with her for the first time.  He
scarce even obtained a kiss but what he ravished; I put his hand
away twenty times from my breasts, where he had satisfied himself
of their hardness and consistence, with passing for hitherto
unhandled goods.  But when grown impatient for the main point, he
now threw himself upon me, and first trying to examine me with his
finger, sought to make himself further way, I complained of his
usage bitterly: I thought he would not have serv'd a body so...I was
ruin'd...I did not know what I had done...I would get up, so I
would...; and at the same time kept my thighs so fast locked, that it
was not for strength like his to force them open, or do any good.
Finding thus my advantages, and that I had both my own and his
motions at command, the deceiving him came so easy that it was
perfectly playing upon velvet.  In the mean time his machine, which
was one of those sizes that slip in and out without being minded,
kept pretty stiffly bearing against that part, which the shutting my
thighs barr'd access to; but finding, at length, he could do no good
by mere dint of bodily strength, he resorted to entreaties and
arguments: to which I only answer'd with a tone of shame and
timidity, that I was afraid he would kill me...Lord!..., I would not be
served so...I was never so used in all my born days...I wondered he
was not ashamed of himself, so I did..., with such silly infantile
moods of repulse and complaint as I judged best adapted to the
express the character of innocence and affright.  Pretending,
however, to yield at length to the vehemence of his insistence, in
action and words, I sparingly disclosed my thighs, so that he could
just touch the cloven inlet with the tip of his instrument: but as he
fatigued and toil'd to get it in, a twist of my body, so as to receive it
obliquely, not only thwarted his admission, but giving a scream, as
if he had pierced me to the heart, I shook him off me with such
violence that he could not with all his might to it, keep the saddle:
vex'd indeed at this he seemed, but not in the style of any
displeasure with me for my skittishness; on the contrary, I dare
swear he held me the dearer, and hugged himself for the difficulties
that even hurt his instant pleasure.  Fired, however, now beyond all
bearance of delay, he remounts and begg'd of me to have patience,
stroking and soothing me to it by all the tenderest endearments and
protestations of what he would moreover do for me; at which,
feigning to be something softened, and abating of the anger that I
had shewn at his hurting me so prodigiously, I suffered him to lay
my thighs aside, and make way for a new trial; but I watched the
directions and management of his point so well, that no sooner was
the orifice in the least open to it, but I gave such a timely jerk as
seemed to proceed not from the evasion of his entry, but from the
pain his efforts at it put me to: a circumstance too that I did not fail
to accompany with proper gestures, sighs and cries of complaint, of
which that he had hurt me...he kill'd me...I should die..., were the
most frequent interjections.  But now, after repeated attempts, in
which he had not made the least impression towards gaining his
point, at least for that time, the pleasure rose so fast upon him that
he could not check or delay it, and in the vigour and fury which the
approaches of the height of it inspir'd him, he made one fierce
thrust, that had almost put me by my guard, and lodged it so far
that I could feel the warm inspersion just within the exterior orifice,
which I had the cruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him out
again, not without a most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain
had put me beyond all regard of being overheard.  It was easy then
to observe that he was more satisfy'd, more highly pleased with the
supposed motives of his baulk of consummation, than he would
have been at the full attainment of it.  It was on this foot that I
solved to myself all the falsity I employed to procure him that
blissful pleasure in it, which most certainly he would not have
tasted in the truth of things.  Eas'd however, and relieved by one
discharge, he now apply'd himself to sooth, encourage and to put
me into humour and patience to bear his next attempt, which he
began to prepare and gather force for, from all the incentives of the
touch and sight which he could think of, by examining every
individual part of my whole body, which he declared his
satisfaction with in raptures of applauses, kisses universally
imprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all the eagerest wantonness
of feeling, seeing, and toying.  His vigour however did not return so
soon, and I felt him more than once pushing at the door, but so little
in a condition to break in, that I question whether he had the power
to enter, had I held it ever so open; but this he then thought me too
little acquainted with the nature of things to have any regret or
confusion about, and he kept fatiguing himself and me for a long
time, before he was in any state to resume his attacks with any
prospect of success; and then I breath'd him so warmly, and kept
him so at bay, that before he had made any sensible progress in
point of penetration, he was deliciously sweated, and weary'd out
indeed: so that it was deep in the morning before he achieved his
second let-go, about half way of entrance, I all the while crying and
complaining of his prodigious vigour, and the immensity of what I
appear'd to suffer splitting up with.  Tired, however, at length, with
such athletic drudgery, my champion began now to give out, and to
gladly embrace the refreshment of some rest.  Kissing me then with
much affection, and recommending me to my repose, he presently
fell fast asleep: which, as soon as I had well satisfy'd myself of, I
with much composure of body, so as not to wake him by any
motion, with much ease and safety too, played of Mrs.  Cole's
advice for perfecting the signs of my virginity.

In each of the head bed-posts, just above where the bedsteads
are inserted into them, there was a small drawer, so artfully
adapted to the mouldings of the timber-work, that it might have
escap'd even the most curious search: which drawers were easily
open'd or shut by the touch of a spring, and were fitted each with a
shallow glass tumbler, full of a prepared fluid blood, in which lay
soak'd, for ready use, a sponge that required no more than gently
reaching the hand to it, taking it out and properly squeezing
between the thighs, when it yielded a great deal more of the red
liquid than would save a girl's honour; after which, replacing it, and
touching the spring, all possibility of discovery, or even of
suspicion, was taken away; and all this was not the work of the
fourth part of a minute, and on which ever side one lay, the thing
was equally easy and practicable, by the double care taken to have
each bed-post provided alike.  True it is, that had he waked and
caught me in the act, it would at least have covered me with shame
and confusion; but then, that he did not, was, with the precautions I
took, a risk of a thousand to one in my favour.

At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion on his
side, I address'd myself in good earnest to my repose, but could
obtain none; and in about half an hour's time my gentleman waked
again, and turning towards me, I feigned a sound sleep, which he
did not long respect; but girding himself again to renew the onset,
he began to kiss and caress me, when now making as if I just wak'd,
I complained of the disturbance, and of the cruel pain that this little
rest had stole my senses from.  Eager, however, for the pleasure, as
well of consummating an entire triumph over my virginity, he said
everything that could overcome my resistance, and bribe my
patience to the end, which not I was ready to listen to, from being
secure of the bloody proofs I had prepared of his victorious
violence, though I still thought it good policy not to let him in yet a
while.  I answered then only to his importunities in sighs and moans
that I was so hurt, I could not bear it...I was sure he had done me a
mischief; that he had...he was such a sad man! At this, turning
down the cloaths and viewing the field of battle by the glimmer of a
dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs, shift, and sheets, all stained
with what he readily took for a virgin effusion, proceeding from his
last halfpenetration: convinc'd, and transported at which, nothing
could equal his joy and exultation.  The illusion was complete, no
other conception entered his head but that of his having been at
work upon an unopen'd mine; which idea, upon so strong an
evidence, redoubled at once his tenderness for me, and his ardour
for breaking it wholly up.  Kissing me then with the utmost rapture,
he comforted me, and begg'd my pardon for the pain he had put me
to: observing withal, that it was only a thing in course: but the worst
was certainly past, and that with a little courage and constancy, I
should get it once well over, and never after experience any thing
but the greatest pleasure.  By little and little I suffer'd myself to be
prevailed on, and giving, as it were, up the point to him, I made my
thighs, insensibly spreading them, yield him liberty of access, which
improving, he got a little within me, when by a well managed
reception I work'd the female screw so nicely, that I kept him from
the easy mid-channel direction, and by dextrous wreathing and
contortions, creating an artificial difficulty of entrance, made him
win it inch by inch, with the most laborious struggles, I all the while
sorely complaining: till at length, with might and main, winding his
way in, he got it completely home, and giving my virginity, as he
thought, the coup de grace, furnished me with the cue of setting up
a terrible outcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock clapping his
wings over his down-trod mistress, pursu'd his pleasure: which
presently rose, in virtue of this idea of a complete victory, to a pitch
that made me soon sensible of his melting period; whilst I now lay
acting the deep wounded,breathless, frighten'd, undone, no longer
maid.

You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoy'd any
perception of pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till just towards
the latter end, a faintish sense of it came on mechanically, from so
long a struggle and frequent fret in that ever sensible part; but, in
the first place, I had no taste for the person I was suffering the
embraces of, on a pure mercenary account; and then, I was not
entirely delighted with myself for the jade's part I was playing,
whatever excuses I might have to plead for my being brought into
it; but then this insensibility kept me so much the mistress of my
mind and motions, that I could the better manage so close a
counterfeit, through the whole scene of deception.

Recover'd at length to a more shew of life, by his tender
condolences, kisses and embraces, I upbraided him, and reproach'd
him with my ruin, in such natural terms as added to his satisfaction
with himself for having accomplish'd it; and guessing, by certain
observations of mine, that it would be rather favourable to him, to
spare him, when he some time after, feebly enough, came on again
to the assault, I resolutely withstood any further endeavours, on a
pretext that flattered his prowess, of my being so violently hurt and
sore that I could not possibly endure a fresh trial.  He then
graciously granted me a respite, and the next morning soon after
advancing, I got rid of further importunity, till Mrs.  Cole, being
rang for by him, came in and was made acquainted, in terms of the
utmost joy and rapture, with his triumphant certainty of my virtue,
and the finishing stroke he had given it in the course of the night: of
which, he added, she would see proof enough in bloody characters
on the sheets.

You may guess how a woman of her turn of address and
experience humour'd the jest, and played him off with mixed
exclamations of shame, anger, compassion for me, and of her being
pleased that all was so well over: in which last, I believe, she was
certainly sincere.  And now, as the objection which she had
represented as an invincible one, to my lying the first night at his
lodgings (which were studiously calculated for freedom of
intrigues), on the account of my maiden fears and terrors at the
thoughts of going to a gentleman's chambers, and being alone with
him in bed, was surmounted, she pretended to persuade me, in
favour to him, that I should go there to him whenever he pleas'd,
and still keep up all the necessary appearances of working with her,
that I might not lose, with my character, the prospect of getting a
good husband, and at the same time her house would be kept the
safer from scandal.  All this seem'd so reasonable, so considerate to
Mr.  Norbert, that he never once perceived that she did not want
him to resort to her house, lest he might in time discover certain
inconsistencies with the character she had set out with to him:
besides that, this plan greatly flattered his own ease, and views of
liberty.

Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs.
Cole, after settling with him all points relating to me, got him
undiscovered out of the house.  After which, as I was awake, she
came in and gave me due praises for my success.  Behaving too with
her usual moderation and disinterestedness, she refus'd any share
of the sum I had thus earned, and put me into such a secure and
easy way of disposing of my affairs, which now amounted to a kind
of little fortune, that a child of ten years old might have kept the
account and property of them safe in its hands.

I was now restor'd again to my former state of a kept mistress,
and used punctually to wait on Mr.  Norbert at his chambers
whenever he sent a messenger for me, which I constantly took care
to be in the way of, and manag'd with so much caution that he
never once penetrated the nature of my connections with Mrs.
Cole; but indolently given up to ease and the town dissipations, the
perpetual hurry of them hinder'd him from looking into his own
affairs, much less to mine.

In the mean time, if I may judge from my own experience, none
are better paid, or better treated, during their reign, than the
mistresses of those who, enervate by nature, debaucheries, or age,
have the least employment for the sex: sensible that a woman must
be satisfy'd some way, they ply her with a thousand little tender
attentions, presents, caresses, confidences, and exhaust their
inventions in means and devices to make up for the capital
deficiency; and even towards lessening that, what arts, what modes,
what refinements of pleasure have they not recourse to, to raise
their languid powers, and press nature into the service of their
sensuality? But here is their misfortune, that when by a course of
teasing, worrying, handling, wanton postures, lascivious motions,
they have at length accomplish'd a flashy enervate enjoyment, they
at the same time lighted up a flame in the object of their passion,
that, not having the means themselves to quench, drives her for
relief into the next person's arms, who can finish their work; and
thus they become bawds to some favourite, tried and approv'd of,
for a more vigourous and satisfactory execution; for with women, of
our turn especially, however well our hearts may be dispos'd, there
is a controlling part, or queen seat in us, that governs itself by its
own maxims of state, amongst which not one is stronger, in practice
with it, than, in the matter of its dues, never to accept the will for
the deed.

Mr.  Norbert, who was much in this ungracious case, though he
profess'd to like me extremely, could but seldom consummate the
main-joy itself with me, without such a length and variety of
preparations, as were at once wearisome and inflammatory.

Sometimes he would strip me stark naked on a carpet, by a good
fire, when he would contemplate me almost by the hour, disposing
me in all the figures and attitudes of body that it was susceptible of
being viewed in; kissing me in every part, the most secret and
critical one so far from excepted that it received most of that branch
of homage.  Then his touches were so exquisitely wanton, so
luxuriously diffus'd and penetrative at times, that he had made me
perfectly rage with titillating fires, when, after all, and with much
ado, he had gained a short-lived erection, he would perhaps melt it
away in a washy sweat, or a premature abortive effusion that
provokingly mock'd my eager desires: or, if carried home, how
falter'd and unnervous the execution! how insufficient the sprinkle
of a few heat-drops to extinguish all the flames he had kindled!

One evening, I cannot help remembering that returning home
from him, with a spirit he had raised in a circle his wand had prov'd
too weak to lay, as I turn'd the corner of a street, I was overtaken by
a young sailor.  I was then in that spruce, neat, plain dress which I
ever affected, and perhaps might have, in my trip, a certain air of
restlessness unknown to the composure of cooler thoughts.
However, he seiz'd me as a prize, and without farther ceremony
threw his arms round my neck and kiss'd me boisterously and
sweetly.  I looked at him with a beginning of anger and indignation
at his rudeness, that softened away into other sentiments as I
viewed him: for he was tall, manly carriaged, handsome of body
and face, so that I ended my stare with asking him, in a tone turn'd
to tenderness, what he meant; at which, with the same frankness
and vivacity as he had begun with me, he proposed treating me
with a glass of wine.  Now, certain it is, that had I been in a calmer
state of blood than I was, had I not been under the dominion of
unappeas'd irritations and desires, I should have refused him
without hesitation; but I do not know how it was, my pressing calls,
his figure, the occasion, and if you will, the powerful combination of
all these, with a start of curiosity to see the end of an adventure, so
novel too as being treated like a common street-plyer, made me give
a silent consent; in short, it was not my head that I now obeyed, I
suffered myself to be towed along as it were by this man-of-war,
who took me under his arm as familiarly as if he had known me all
his life-time, and led me into the next convenient tavern, where we
were shewn into a little room on one side of the passage.  Here,
scarce allowing himself patience till the waiter brought in the wine
call'd for, he fell directly on board me: when, untucking my
handkerchief, and giving me a snatching buss, he laid my breasts
bare at once, which he handled with that keenness of lust that
abridges a ceremonial ever more tiresome than pleasing on such
pressing occasions; and now, hurrying towards the main point, we
found no conveniency to our purpose, two or three disabled chairs
and a rickety table composing the whole furniture of the room.
Without more ado, he plants me with my back standing against the
wall, and my petticoats up; and coming out with a splitter indeed,
made it shine, as he brandished it in my eyes; and going to work
with an impetuosity and eagerness, bred very likely by a long fast at
sea, went to give me a taste of it.  I straddled, I humoured my
posture, and did my best in short to buckle to it; I took part of it in
too, but still things did not go to his thorough liking: changing then
in a trice his system of battery, he leads me to the table and with a
master-hand lays my head down on the edge of it, and, with the
other canting up my petticoats and shift, bares my naked
posteriours to his blind and furious guide; it forces its way between
them, and I feeling pretty sensibly that it was not going by the right
door, and knocking desperately at the wrong one, I told him of it: -
"Pooh!" says he, "my dear, any port in a storm." Altering, however,
directly his course, and lowering his point, he fixed it right, and
driving it up with a delicious stiffness, made all foam again, and
gave me the tout with such fire and spirit, that in the fine
disposition I was in when I submitted to him, and stirr'd up so
fiercely as I was, I got the start of him, and went away into the
melting swoon, and squeezing him, whilst in the convulsive grasp
of it, drew from him such a plenteous bedewal as, join'd to my own
effusion, perfectly floated those parts, and drown'd in a deluge all
my raging conflagration of desire.

When this was over, how to make my retreat was my concern;
for, though I had been so extremely pleas'd with the difference
between this warm broadside, pour'd so briskly into me, and the
tiresome pawing and toying to which I had owed the unappeas'd
flames that had driven me into this step, now I was grown cooler, I
began to apprehend the danger of contracting an acquaintance with
this, however agreeable, stranger; who, on his side, spoke of passing
the evening with me and continuing our intimacy, with an air of
determination that made me afraid of its being not so easy to get
away from him as I could wish.  In the mean time I carefully
conceal'd my uneasiness, and readily pretended to consent to stay
with him, telling him I should only step to my lodgings to leave a
necessary direction, and then instantly return.  This he very glibly
swallowed, on the notion of my being one of those unhappy street-
errants who devote themselves to the pleasure of the first ruffian
that will stoop to pick them up, and of course, that I would scarce
bilk myself of my hire, by my not returning to make the most of the
job.  Thus he parted with me, not before, however, he had order'd in
my hearing a supper, which I had the barbarity to disappoint him of
my company to.

But when I got home and told Mrs.  Cole my adventure, she
represented so strongly to me the nature and dangerous
consequences of my folly, particularly the risks to my health, in
being so open-legg'd and free, that I not only took resolutions never
to venture so rashly again, which I inviolably preserv'd, but pass'd a
good many days in continual uneasiness lest I should have met with
other reasons, besides the pleasure of that encounter, to remember
it; but these fears wronged my pretty sailor, for which I gladly make
him this reparation.

I had now liv'd with Mr.  Norbert near a quarter of a year, in
which space I circulated my time very pleasantly between my
amusements at Mrs.  Cole's, and a proper attendance on that
gentleman, who paid me profusely for the unlimited complaisance
with which I passively humoured every caprice of pleasure, and
which had won upon him so greatly, that finding, as he said, all that
variety in me alone which he had sought for in a number of women,
I had made him lose his taste for inconstancy, and new faces.  But
what was yet at least agreeable, as well as more flattering, the love I
had inspir'd him with bred a deference to me that was of great
service to his health: for having by degrees, and with most pathetic
representations, brought him to some husbandry of it, and to insure
the duration of his pleasures by moderating their use, and
correcting those excesses in them he was so addicted to, and which
had shatter'd his constitution and destroyed his powers of life in the
very point for which he seemed chiefly desirous, to live, he was
grown more delicate, more temperate, and in course more healthy;
his gratitude for which was taking a turn very favourable for my
fortune, when once more the caprice of it dash'd the cup from my
lips.

His sister, Lady L..., for whom he had a great affection, desiring
him to accompany her down to Bath for her health, he could not
refuse her such a favour; and accordingly, though he counted on
staying away from me no more than a week at farthest, he took his
leave of me with an ominous heaviness of heart, and left me a sum
far above the state of his fortune, and very inconsistent with the
intended shortness of his journey; but it ended in the longest that
can be, and is never but once taken: for, arriv'd at Bath, he was not
there two days before he fell into a debauch of drinking with some
gentlemen, that threw him into a high fever and carry'd him off in
four days time, never once out of a delirium.  Had he been in his
senses to make a will, perhaps he might have made favourable
mention of me in it.  Thus, however, I lost him; and as no condition
of life is more subject to revolutions than that of a woman of
pleasure, I soon recover'd my cheerfulness, and now beheld myself
once more struck off the list of kept-mistresses, and returned into
the bosom of the community from which I had been in some
manner taken.

Mrs.  Cole still continuing her friendship, offered me her
assistance and advice towards another choice; but I was now in ease
and affluence enough to look about me at leisure; and as to any
constitutional calls of pleasure, their pressure, or sensibility, was
greatly lessen'd by a consciousness of the ease with which they were
to be satisfy'd at Mrs.  Cole's house, where Louisa and Emily still
continu'd in the old way; and by great favourite Harriet used often
to come and see me, and entertain me, with her head and heart full
of the happiness she enjoy'd with her dear baronet, whom she loved
with tenderness, and constancy, even though he was her keeper,
and what is yet more, had made her independent, by a handsome
provision for her and hers.  I was then in this vacancy from any
regular employ of my person, in my way of business, when one day,
Mrs.  Cole, in the course of the constant confidence we lived in,
acquainted me that there was one Mr.  Barville, who used her
house, just come to town, whom she was not a little perplex'd about
providing a suitable companion for; which was indeed a point of
difficulty, as he was under the tyranny of a cruel taste: that of an
ardent desire, not only of being unmercifully whipp'd himself, but
of whipping others, in such sort, that tho' he paid extravagantly
those who had the courage and complaisance to submit to his
humour, there were few, delicate as he was in the choice of his
subjects, who would exchange turns with him so terrible at the
expense of their skin.  But, what yet increased the oddity of this
strange fancy was the gentleman being young; whereas it generally
attacks, it seems, such as are, through age, obliged to have recourse
to this experiment, for quickening the circulation of their sluggish
juices, and determining a conflux of the spirits of pleasure towards
those flagging, shrivelly parts, that rise to life only by virtue of those
titillating ardours created by the discipline of their opposites, with
which they have so surprising a consent.

This Mrs.  Cole could not well acquaint me with, in any
expectation of my offering my service: for, sufficiently easy as I was
in my circumstances, it must have been the temptation of an
immense interest indeed that could have induced me to embrace
such a job; neither had I ever express'd, nor indeed felt, the least
impulse or curiosity to know more of a taste that promis'd so much
more pain than pleasure to those that stood in no need of such
violent goads: what then should move me to subscribe myself
voluntarily to a party of pain, foreknowing it such? Why, to tell the
plain truth, it was a sudden caprice, a gust of fancy for trying a new
experiment, mix'd with the vanity of proving my personal courage
to Mrs.  Cole, that determined me, at all risks, to propose myself to
her, and relieve her from any farther lookout.  Accordingly, I at
once pleas'd and surpris'd her with a frank and unreserved tender
of my person to her, and her friend's absolute disposal on this
occasion.

My good temporal mother was, however, so kind as to use all
the arguments she could imagine to dissuade me: but, as I found
they only turn'd on a motive of tnederness to me, I persisted in my
resolution, and thereby acquitted my offer of any suspicion of its
not having been sincerely made, or out of compliment only.
Acquiescing then thankfully in it, Mrs.  Cole assur'd me that bating
the pain I should be put to, she had no scruple to engage me to this
party, which she assur'd me I should be liberally paid for, and
which, the secrecy of the transaction preserved safe from the
ridicule that otherwise vulgarly attended it; that for her part, she
considered pleasure, of one sort or other, as the universal port of
destination, and every wind that blew thither a good one, provided
it blew nobody any harm; that she rather compassionated, than
blam'd, those unhappy persons who are under a subjection they
cannot shake off, to those arbitrary tastes that rule their appetites of
pleasures with an unaccountable control: tastes, too, as infinitely
deversify'd, as superior to, and independent of, all reasoning as the
different relishes or palates of mankind in their viands, some
delicate stomachs nauseating plain meats, and finding no savour
but in high-seasoned, luxurious dishes, whilst others again pique
themselves upon detesting them.

I stood now in no need of this preamble of encouragement, of
justification: my word was given, and I was determin'd to fulfil my
engagements.  Accordingly the night was set, and I had all the
necessary previous instructions how to act and conduct myself.  The
dining-room was duly prepared and lighted up, and the young
gentleman posted there in waiting, for my introduction to him.

I was then, by Mrs.  Cole, brought in, and presented to him, in a
loose dishabille fitted, by her direction, to the exercise I was to go
through, all in the finest linen and a thorough white uniform: gown,
petticoat, stockings, and satin slippers, like a victim led to sacrifice;
whilst my dark auburn hair, falling in drop-curls over my neck,
created a pleasing distinction of colour from the rest of my dress.

As soon as Mr.  Barville saw me, he got up, with a visible air of
pleasure and surprize, and saluting me, asked Mrs.  Cole if it was
possible that so fine and delicate a creature would voluntarily
submit to such sufferings and rigours as were the subject of his
assignation.  She answer'd him properly, and now, reading in his
eyes that she could not too soon leave us together, she went out,
after recommending to him to use moderation with so tender a
novice.

But whilst she was employing his attention, mine had been taken
up with examining the figure and person of this unhappy young
gentleman, who was thus unaccountably condemn'd to have his
pleasure lashed into him, as boys have their learning.

He was exceedingly fair, and smooth complexion'd, and
appeared to me no more than twenty at most, tho' he was three
years older than what my conjectures gave him; but then he ow'd
this favourable mistake to a habit of fatness, which spread through a
short, squab stature, and a round, plump, fresh-coloured face gave
him greatly the look of a Bacchus, had not an air of austerity, not to
say sternness, very unsuitable even to his shape of face, dash'd that
character of joy, necessary to complete the resemblance.  His dress
was extremely neat, but plain, and far inferior to the ample fortune
he was in full possession of; this too was a taste in him, and not
avarice.

As soon as Mrs.  Cole was gone, he seated me near him, when
now his face changed upon me into an expression of the most
pleasing sweetness and good humour, the more remarkable for its
sudden shift from the other extreme, which, I found afterwards,
when I knew more of his character, was owing to a habitual state of
conflict with, and dislike of himself, for being enslaved to so
peculiar a gust, by the fatality of a constitutional ascendant, that
render'd him incapable of receiving any pleasure till he submitted to
these extraordinary means of procuring it at the hands of pain,
whilst the constancy of this repining consciousness stamp'd at
length that cast of sourness and severity on his features: which was,
in fact, very foreign to the natural sweetness of his temper.

After a competent preparation by apologies, and encouragement
to go through my part with spirit and constancy, he stood up near
the fire, whilst I went to fetch the instruments of discipline out of a
closet hard by: these were several rods, made each of two or three
strong twigs of birch tied together, which he took, handled, and
view'd with as much pleasure, as I did with a kind of shuddering
presage.

Next we took from the side of the room a long broad bench,
made easy to lie at length on by a soft cushion in a callico-cover; and
every thing being now ready, he took his coat and waistcoat off; and
at his motion and desire, I unbutton'd his breeches, and rolling up
his shirt rather above his waist, tuck'd it in securely there: when
directing naturally my eyes to that humoursome master-movement,
in whose favour all these dispositions were making, it seemed
almost shrunk into his body, scarce shewing its tip above the sprout
of hairy curls that cloathed those parts, as you may have seen a
wren peep its head out of the grass.

Stooping then to untie his garters, he gave them me for the use of
tying him down to the legs of the bench: a circumstance no farther
necessary than, as I suppose, it made part of the humour of the
thing, since he prescribed it to himself, amongst the rest of the
ceremonial.

I led him then to the bench, and according to my cue, play'd at
forcing him to lie down: which, after some little shew of reluctance,
for form-sake, he submitted to; he was straightway extended flat
upon his belly, on the bench, with a pillow under his face; and as he
thus tamely lay, I tied him slightly hand and foot, to the legs of it;
which done, his shirt remaining truss'd up over the small of his
back, I drew his breeches quite down to his knees; and now he lay,
in all the fairest, broadest display of that part of the back-view; in
which a pair of chubby, smooth-cheek'd and passing white
posteriours rose cushioning upwards from two stout, fleshful
thighs, and ending their cleft, or separation by an union at the small
of the back, presented a bold mark, that swell'd, as it were, to meet
the scourge.

Seizing now one of the rods, I stood over him, and according to
his direction, gave him in one breath, ten lashes with much good-
will, and the utmost nerve and vigour of arm that I could put to
them, so as to make those fleshy orbs quiver again under them;
whilst he himself seem'd no more concern'd, or to mind them, than
a lobster would a fleabite.  In the mean time, I viewed intently the
effects of them, which to me at least appear'd surprisingly cruel:
every lash had skimmed the surface of those white cliffs, which they
deeply reddened, and lapping round the side of the furthermost
from me, cut specially, into the dimple of it such livid weals, as the
blood either spun out from, or stood in large drops on; and, from
some of the cuts, I picked out even the splinters of the rod that had
stuck in the skin.  Nor was this raw work to be wonder'd at,
considering the greenness of the twigs and the severity of the
infliction, whilst the whole surface of his skin was so smooth-
stretched over the hard and firm pulp of flesh that fill'd it, as to
yield no play, or elusive swagging under the stroke: which thereby
took place the more plum, and cut into the quick.

I was however already so mov'd at the piteous sight, that I from
my heart repented the undertaking, and would willingly have given
over, thinking he had full enough; but, he encouraging and
beseeching me earnestly to proceed, I gave him ten more lashes; and
then resting, survey'd the increase of bloody appearances.  And at
length, steel'd to the sight by his stoutness in suffering, I continued
the discipline, by intervals, till I observ'd him wreathing and
twisting his body, in a way that I could plainly perceive was not the
effect of pain, but of some new and powerful sensation: curious to
dive into the meaning of which, in one of my pauses of intermission,
I approached, as he still kept working, and grinding his belly
against the cushion under him; and, first stroking the untouched
and unhurt side of the flesh-mount next me, then softly insinuating
my hand under his thigh, felt the posture things were in forwards,
which was indeed surprizing: for that machine of his, which I had,
by its appearance, taken for an impalpable, or at best a very
diminutive subject, was now, in virtue of all that smart and havoc of
his skin behind, grown not only to a prodigious stiffness of erection,
but to a size that frighted even me: a nonpareil thickness indeed! the
head of it alone fill'd the utmost capacity of my grasp.  And when,
as he heav'd and wriggled to and fro, in the agitation of his strange
pleasure, it came into view, it had something of the air of a round
fillet of the whitest veal, and like its owner, squab, and short in
proportion to its breadth; but when he felt my hand there, he begg'd
I would go on briskly with my jerking, or he should never arrive at
the last stage of pleasure.

Resuming then the rod and the exercise of it, I had fairly worn
out three bundles, when, after an increase of struggles and motion,
and a deep sigh or two, I saw him lie still and motionless; and now
he desir'd me to desist, which I instantly did; and proceeding to
untie him, I could not but be amazed at his passive fortitude, on
viewing the skin of his butcher'd, mangled posteriours, late so
white, smooth and polish'd, now all one side of them a confused
cut-work of weals, livid flesh, gashes and gore, insomuch that when
he stood up, he could scarce walk; in short, he was in sweetbriars.

Then I plainly perceived, on the cushion, the marks of a
plenteous effusion, and already had his sluggard member run up to
its old nestling-place, and enforced itself again, as if ashamed to
shew its head; which nothing, it seems, could raise but stripes
inflicted on its opposite neighbours, who were thus constantly
obliged to suffer for his caprice.

Part 9

My gentleman had now put on his clothes and recomposed
himself, when giving me a kiss, and placing me by him, he sat
himself down as gingerly as possible, with one side off the cushion,
which was too sore for him to bear resting any part of his weight on.

Here he thank'd me for the extreme pleasure I had procured
him, and seeing, perhaps, some marks in my countenance of terror
and apprehension of retaliation on my own skin, for what I had
been the instrument of his suffering in his, he assured me, that he
was ready to give up to me any engagement I might deem myself
under to stand him, as he had done me, but if that proceeded in my
consent to it, he would consider the difference of my sex, its greater
delicacy and incapacity to undergo pain.  Rehearten'd at which, and
piqu'd in honour, as I thought, not to flinch so near the trial,
especially as I well knew Mrs.  Cole was an eye-witness, from her
stand of espial, to the whole of our transactions, I was now less
afraid of my skin than of his not furnishing me with an opportunity
of signalizing my resolution.

Consonant to this disposition was my answer, but my courage
was still more in my head, than in my heart; and as cowards rush
into the danger they fear, in order to be the sooner rid of the pain of
that sensation, I was entirely pleas'd with his hastening matters into
execution.

He had then little to do, but to unloose the strings of my
petticoats, and lift them, together with my shift, navelhigh, where
he just tuck'd them up loosely girt, and might be slipt up higher at
pleasure.  Then viewing me round with great seeming delight, he
laid me at length on my face upon the bench, and when I expected
he would tie me, as I had done him, and held out my hands, not
without fear and a little trembling, he told me he would by no
means terrify me unnecessarily with such a confinement; for that
though he meant to put my constancy to some trial, the standing it
was to be completely voluntary on my side, and therefore I might be
at full liberty to get up whenever I found the pain too much for me.
You cannot imagine how much I thought myself bound, by being
thus allow'd to remain loose, and how much spirit this confidence
in me gave me, so that I was even from my heart careless how much
my flesh might suffer in honour of it.

All by back parts, naked half way up, were now fully at his
mercy: and first, he stood at a convenient distance, delighting
himself with a gloating survey of the attitude I lay in, and of all the
secret stores I thus expos'd to him in fair display.  Then, springing
eagerly towards me, he cover'd all those naked parts with a fond
profusion of kisses; and now, taking hold of the rod, rather
wanton'd with me, in gentle inflictions on those tender trembling
masses of my flesh behind, than in any way hurt them, till by
degrees, he began to tingle them with smarter lashes, so as to
provoke a red colour into them, which I knew, as well by the
flagrant glow I felt there, as by his telling me, they now emulated
the native roses of my other cheeks.  When he had thus amus'd
himself with admiring and toying with them, he went on to strike
harder, and more hard; so that I needed all my patience not to cry
out, or complain at least.  At last, he twigg'd me so smartly as to
fetch blood in more than one lash: at sight of which he flung down
the rod, flew to me, kissed away the starting drops, and sucking the
wounds eased a good deal of my pain.  But now raising me on my
knees, and making me kneel with them straddling wide, that tender
part of me, naturally the province of pleasure, not of pain, came in
for its share of suffering: for now, eyeing it wistfully, he directed the
rod so that the sharp ends of the twigs lighted there, so sensibly,
that I could not help wincing, and writhing my limbs with smart; so
that my contortions of body must necessarily throw it into infinite
variety of postures and points of view, fit to feast the luxury of the
eye.  But still I bore every thing without crying out: when presently
giving me another pause, he rush'd, as it were, on that part whose
lips, and round-about, had felt this cruelty, and by way of
reparation, glews his own to them; then he opened, shut, squeez'd
them, pluck'd softly the overgrowing moss, and all this in a style of
wild passionate rapture and enthusiasm, that express'd excess of
pleasure; till betaking himself to the rod again, encourag'd by my
passiveness, and infuriated with this strange taste of delight, he
made my poor posteriours pay for the ungovernableness of it; for
now shewing them no quarter the traitor cut me so, that I wanted
but little of fainting away, when he gave over.  And yet I did not
utter one groan, or angry expostulation; but in heart I resolv'd
nothing so seriously, as never to expose myself again to the like
serverities.

You may guess then in what a curious pickle those soft flesh-
cushions of mine were, all sore, raw, and in fine, terribly clawed off;
but so far from feeling any pleasure in it, that the recent smart made
me pout a little, and not with the greatest air of satisfaction receive
the compliments, and after-caresses of the author of my pain.

As soon as my cloaths were huddled on in a little decency, a
supper was brought in by the discreet Mrs.  Cole herself, which
might have piqued the sensuality of a cardinal, accompanied with a
choice of the richest wines: all which she set before us, and went out
again, without having, by a word or even by a smile, given us the
least interruption or confusion, in those moments of secrecy, that we
were not yet ripe to the admission of a third to.

I sat down then, still scarce in charity with my butcher, for such I
could not help considering him, and was moreover not a little
piqued at the gay, satisfied air of his countenance, which I thought
myself insulted by.  But when the now necessary refreshment to me
of a glass of wine, a little eating (all the time observing a profound
silence) had somewhat cheer'd and restor'd me to spirits, and as the
smart began to go off, my good humour return'd accordingly: which
alteration not escaping him, he said and did everything that could
confirm me in, and indeed exalt it.

But scarce was supper well over, before a change so incredible
was wrought in me, such violent, yet pleasingly irksome sensations
took possession of me that I scarce knew how to contain myself; the
smart of the lashes was now converted into such a prickly heat,
such fiery tinglings, as made me sigh, squeeze my thighs together,
shift and wriggle about my seat, with a furious restlessness; whilst
these itching ardours, thus excited in those parts on which the storm
of discipline had principally fallen, detach'd legions of burning,
subtile, stimulating spirits, to their opposite spot and centre of
assemblage, where their titillation rag'd so furiously, that I was even
stinging mad with them.  No wonder then, that in such a taking,
and devour'd by flames that licked up all modesty and reserve, my
eyes, now charg'd brimful of the most intense desire, fired on my
companion very intelligible signals of distress: my companion, I say,
who grew in them every instant more amiable, and more necessary
to my urgent wishes and hopes of immediate ease.

Mr.  Barville, no stranger by experience to these situations, soon
knew the pass I was brought to, soon perceiv'd my extreme
disorder; in favour of which, removing the table out of the way, he
began a prelude that flatter'd me with instant relief, to which I was
not, however, so near as I imagin'd: for as he was unbuttoned to me,
and tried to provoke and rouse to action his unactive torpid
machine, he blushingly own'd that no good was to be expected from
it unless I took it in hand to re-excite its languid loitering powers, by
just refreshing the smart of the yet recent blood-raw cuts, seeing it
could, no more than a boy's top, keep up without lashing.  Sensible
then that I should work as much for my own profit as his, I hurried
my compliance with his desire, and abridging the ceremonial, whilst
he lean'd his head against the back of a chair, I had scarce gently
made him feel the lash, before I saw the object of my wishes give
signs of life, and presently, as it were with a magic touch, it started
up into a noble size and distinction indeed! Hastening then to give
me the benefit of it, he threw me down on the bench; but such was
the refresh'd soreness of those parts behind, on my leaning so hard
on them, as became me to compass the admission of that
stupendous head of his machine, that I could not possibly bear it.  I
got up then, and tried, by leaning forwards and turning the crupper
on my assailant, to let him at the back avenue: but here it was
likewise impossible to stand his bearing so fiercely against me, in
his agitations and endeavours to enter that way, whilst his belly
battered directly against the recent sore.  What should we do now?
both intolerably heated; both in a fury; but pleasure is ever
inventive for its own ends: he strips me in a trice, stark naked, and
placing a broad settee-cushion on the carpet before the fire, oversets
me gently, topsy-turvy, on it; and handling me only at the waist,
whilst you may be sure I favour'd all my dispositions, brought my
legs round his neck; so that my head was kept from the floor only
by my hands and the velvet cushion, which was now bespread with
my flowing hair: thus I stood on my head and hands, supported by
him in such manner, that whilst my thighs clung round him, so as to
expose to his sight all my back figure, including the theatre of his
bloody pleasure, the centre of my fore part fairly bearded the object
of its rage, that now stood in fine condition to give me satisfaction
for the injuries of its neighbours.  But as this posture was certainly
not the easiest, and our imaginations, wound up to the height, could
suffer no delay, he first, with the utmost eagerness and effort, just
lip-lodg'd that broad acorn-fashion'd head of his instrument; and
still frenzied by the fury with which he had made that impression,
he soon stuffed in the rest; when now, with a pursuit of thrusts,
fiercely urg'd, he absolutely overpower'd and absorb'd all sense of
pain and uneasiness, whether from my wounds behind, my most
untoward posture, or the oversize of his stretcher, in an infinitely
predominant delight; when now all my whole spirits of life and
sensation, rushing impetuously to the cock-pit, where the prize of
pleasure was hotly in dispute and clustering to a point there, I soon
receiv'd the dear relief of nature from these over-violent strains and
provocations of it; harmonizing with which, my gallant spouted into
me such a potent overflow of the balsamic injection, as soften'd and
unedg'd all those irritating stings of a new species of titillation,
which I had been so intolerably madden'd with, and restor'd the
ferment of my senses to some degree of composure.

I had now achiev'd this rare adventure ultimately much more to
my satisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turn out; nor
was it much lessen'd, you may think, by my spark's lavish praises of
my constancy and complaisance, which he gave weight to by a
present that greatly surpassed my utmost expectation, besides his
gratification to Mrs.  Cole.

I was not, however, at any time, re-enticed to renew with him, or
resort again to the violent expedient of lashing nature into more
haste than good speed: which, by the way, I conceive acts somewhat
in the manner of a dose of Spanish flies; with more pain perhaps,
but less danger; and might be necessary to him, but was nothing
less so than to me, whose appetite wanted the bridle more than the
spur.

Mrs.  Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more and
more endear'd me, looked on me now as a girl after her own heart,
afraid on nothing, and, on a good account, hardy enough to fight all
the weapons of pleasure through.  Attentive then, in consequence of
these favourable conceptions, to promote either my profit or
pleasure, she had special regard for the first, in a new gallant of a
very singular turn, that she procur'd for and introduced to me.

This was a grave, staid, solemn, elderly gentleman whose
peculiar humour was a delight in combing fine tresses of hair; and
as I was perfectly headed to his taste, he us'd to come constantly at
my toilette hours, when I let down my hair as loose as nature, and
abandon'd it to him to do what he pleased   with it; and accordingly
he would keep me an hour or more in play with it, drawing the
comb through it, winding the curls round his fingers, even kissing it
as he smooth'd it; and all this led to no other use of my person, or
any other liberties whatever, any more than if a distinction of sexes
had not existed.

Another peculiarity of taste he had, which was to present me
with a dozen pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these he
would divert himself with drawing on me, and then biting off the
fingers' ends; all which fooleries of a sickly appetite, the old
gentleman paid more liberally for than most others did for more
essential favours.  This lasted till a violent cough, seizing and laying
him up, deliver'd me from this most innocent and insipid trifler, for
I never heard more of him after his first retreat.

You may be sure a by-job of this sort interfer'd with no other
pursuit, or plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty and
reserve that was less the work of virtue than of exhausted novelty, a
glut of pleasure, and easy circumstances, that made me indifferent
to any engagements in which pleasure and profit were not
eminently united; and such I could, with the less impatience, wait
for at the hands of time and fortune, as I was satisfy'd I could never
mend my pennyworths, having evidently been serv'd at the top of
market, and even been pamper'd with dainties: besides that, in the
sacrifice of a few momentary impulses, I found a secret satisfaction
in respecting myself, as well as preserving the life and freshness of
my complexion.  Louisa and Emily did not carry indeed their
reserve so high as I did; but still they were far from cheap or
abandon'd tho' two of their adventures seem'd to contradict this
general character, which, for their singularity, I shall give you in
course, beginning first with Emily's:

Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habit of a
shepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them in their
dresses before they went, and nothing in nature could represent a
prettier boy than this last did, being so fair and well limbed.  They
had kept together for some time, when Louisa, meeting an old
acquaintance of hers, very cordially gives her companion the drop,
and leaves her under the protection of her boy's habit, which was
not much, and of her discretion, which was, it seems, still less.
Emily, finding herself deserted, sauntered thoughtless about a-
while, and, as much for coolness and air as anything else, at length
pull'd off her mask and went to the sideboard; where, eyed and
mark'd out by a gentleman in a very handsome domino, she was
accosted by, and fell into chat with him.  The domino, after a little
discourse, in which Emily doubtless distinguish'd her good nature
and easiness more than her wit, began to make violent love to her,
and drawing her insensibly to some benches at the lower end of the
masquerade room, for her to sit by him, where he squeez'd her
hands, pinch'd her cheeks, prais'd and played with her fine hair,
admired her complexion, and all in a style of courtship dash'd with
a certain oddity, that not comprehending the mystery of, poor
Emily attributed to his falling in with the humour of her disguise;
and being naturally not the cruellest of her profession, began to
incline to a parley on those essentials.  But here was the stress of the
joke: he took her really for what she appear'd to be, a smock-fac'd
boy; and she, forgetting her dress, and of course ranging quite wide
of his ideas, took all those addresses to be paid to herself as a
woman, which she precisely owed to his not thinking her one.
However, this double error was push'd to such a height on both
sides, that Emily, who saw nothing in him but a gentleman of
distinction by those points of dress to which his disguise did not
extend, warmed too by the wine he had ply'd her with, and the
caresses he had lavished upon her, suffered herself to be persuaded
to go to a bagnio with him; and thus, losing sight of Mrs.  Cole's
cautions, with a blind confidence, put herself into his hands, to be
carried wherever he pleased.  For his part, equally blinded by his
wishes, whilst her egregious simplicity favoured his deception more
than the most exquisite art could have done, he supposed, no doubt,
that he had lighted on some soft simpleton, fit for his purpose, or
some kept minion broken to his hand, who understood him
perfectly well and enter'd into his designs.  But, be that as it would,
he led her to a coach, went into it with her, and brought her to a
very handsome apartment, with a bed in it; but whether it was a
bagnio or not, she could not tell, having spoken to nobody but
himself.  But when they were alone together, and her enamorato
began to proceed to those extremities which instantly discover the
sex, she remark'd that no description could paint up to the life the
mixture of pique, confusion and disappointment that appeared in
his countenance, joined to the mournful exclamation: "By heavens, a
woman!" This at once opened her eyes, which had hitherto been
shut in downright stupidity.  However, as if he had meant to
retrieve that escape, he still continu'd to toy with and fondle her,
but with so staring an alteration from extreme warmth into a chill
and forced civility, that even Emily herself could not but take notice
of it, and now began to wish she had paid more regard to Mrs.
Cole's premonitions against ever engaging with a stranger.  And
now and excess of timidity succeeded to an excess of confidence,
and she thought herself so much at his mercy and discretion, that
she stood passive throughout the whole progress of his prelude: for
now, whether the impressions of so great a beauty had even made
him forgive her her sex, or whether her appearance of figure in that
dress still humour'd his first illusion, he recover'd by degrees a
good part of his first warmth, and keeping Emily with her breeches
still unbuttoned, stript them down to her knees, and gently
impelling her to lean down, with her face against the bed-side,
placed her so, that the double way, between the double rising
behind, presented the choice fair to him, and he was so fairly set on
a mis-direction, as to give the girl no small alarms for fear of losing
a maidenhead she had not dreamt of.  However, her complaints,
and a resistance, gentle, but firm, check'd and brought him to
himself again; so that turning his steed's head, he drove him at
length in the right road, in which his imagination having probably
made the most of those resemblances that flatter'd his taste, he got,
with much ado, to his journey's end: after which, he led her out
himself, and walking with her two or three streets' length, got her a
chair, when making her a present not any thing inferior to what she
could have expected, he left her, well recommended to the
chairman, who, on her directions, brought her home.

This she related to Mrs.  Cole and me the same morning, not
without the visible remains of the fear and confusion she had been
in still stamp'd on her countenance.  Mrs.  Cole's remark was that
her indescretion proceeding from a constitutional facility, there
were little hopes of any thing curing her of it, but repeated severe
experience.  Mine was that I could not conceive how it was possible
for mankind to run into a taste, not only universally odious, but
absurd, and impossible to gratify; since, according to the notions
and experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force such
immense disproportions.  Mrs.  Cole only smil'd at my ignorance,
and said nothing towards my undeception, which was not affected
but by ocular demonstration, some months after, which a most
singular accident furnish'd me, and which I will here set down, that
I may not return again to so disagreeable a subject.

I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings at
Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs.  Cole having
promis'd to accompany me; but some indispensable business
intervening to detain her, I was obliged to set out alone; and scarce
had I got a third of my way, before the axle-tree broke down, and I
was well off to get out, safe and unhurt, into a publick-house of a
tolerable handsome appearance, on the road.  Here the people told
me that the stage would come by in a couple of hours at farthest;
upon which, determining to wait for it, sooner than lose the jaunt I
had got so far forward on, I was carried into a very clean decent
room, up one pair of stairs, which I took possession of for the time I
had to stay, in right of calling for sufficient to do the house justice.

Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of the
window, a single horse-chaise stopt at the door, out of which lightly
leap'd two gentlemen, for so they seem'd, who came in only as it
were to bait and refresh a little, for they gave their horse to be held
in readiness against they came out.   And presently I heard the door
of the next room, where they were let in, and call'd about them
briskly; and as soon as they were serv'd, I could just hear that they
shut and fastened the door on the inside.

A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not know when
I was without it, prompted me, without any particular suspicion, or
other drift or view, to see what they were, and examine their
persons and behaviour.  The partition of our rooms was one of
those moveable ones that, when taken down, serv'd occasionally to
lay them into one, for the conveniency of a large company; and
now, my nicest search could not shew me the shadow of a peep-
hole, a circumstance which probably had not escap'd the review of
the parties on the other side, whom much it stood upon not to be
deceived in it; but at length I observed a paper patch of the same
colour as the wainscot, which I took to conceal some flaw: but then
it was so high, that I was obliged to stand upon a chair to reach it,
which I did as softly as possibly, and, with a point of a bodkin, soon
pierc'd it.  And now, applying my eye close, I commanded the room
perfectly, and could see my two young sparks romping and pulling
one another about, entirely, to my imagination, in frolic and
innocent play.

The eldest might be, on my nearest guess, towards nineteen, a
tall comely young man, in a white fustian frock, with a green velvet
cape, and a cut bob-wig.

The youngest could not be above seventeen, fair, ruddy,
compleatly well made, and to say the truth, a sweet pretty stripling:
he was--I fancy, too, a country-lad, by his dress, which was a green
plush frock and breeches of the same, white waistcoat and
stockings, a jockey cap, with his yellowish hair, long and loose, in
natural curls.

But after a look of circumspection, which I saw the eldest cast
every way round the room, probably in too much hurry and heat
not to overlook the very small opening I was posted at, especially at
the height it was, whilst my eye close to it kept the light from
shining through and betraying it, he said something to his
companion and presently chang'd the face of things.

For now the elder began to embrace, to press and kiss the
younger, to put his hands into his bosom, and give him such
manifest signs of an amorous intention, as made me conclude the
other to be a girl in disguise: a mistake that nature kept me in
countenance for, for she had certainly made one, when she gave
him the male stamp.

In the rashness then of their age, and bent as they were to
accomplish their project of preposterous pleasure, at the risk of the
very worst of consequences, where a discovery was nothing less
than improbable, they now proceeded to such lengths as soon
satisfied me what they were.

The criminal scene they acted, I had the patience to see to an
end, purely that I might gather more facts and certainly against
them in my design to do their deserts instance justice; and
accordingly, when they had readjusted themselves, and were
preparing to go out, burning as I was with rage and indignation, I
jumped down from the chair, in order to raise the house upon them,
but with such an unlucky impetuosity, that some nail or ruggedness
in the floor caught my foot, and flung me on my face with such
violence that I fell senseless on the ground, and must have lain there
some time e'er any one came to my relief: so that they, alarmed, I
suppose, by the noise of my fall, had more than the necessary time
to make a safe retreat.  This they effected, as I learnt, with a
precipitation nobody could account for, till, when come to myself,
and compos'd enough to speak, I acquainted those of the house with
the whole transaction I had been evidence to.

When I came home again, and told Mrs.  Cole this adventure,
she very sensibly observ'd to me that there was no doubt of due
vengeance one time of other overtaking these miscreants, however
they might escape for the present; and that, had I been the temporal
instrument of it, I should have been at least put to a great deal more
trouble and confusion that I imagined; that, as to the thing itself, the
less said of it was the better; but that though she might be suspected
of partiality, from its being the common cause of woman-kind, out
of whose mouths this practice tended to take something more than
bread, yet she protested against any mixture of passion, with a
declaration extorted from her by pure regard to truth; which was
that whatever effect this infamous passion had in other ages and
other countries, it seem'd a peculiar blessing on our air and climate,
that there was a plague-spot visibly imprinted on all that are tainted
with it, in this nation at least; for that among numbers of that stamp
whom she had known, or at least were universally under the
scandalous suspicion of it, she would not name an exception hardly
of one of them, whose character was not, in all other respects, the
most worthless and despicable that could be, stript of all the manly
virtues of their own sex, and fill'd up with only the worst vices and
follies of ours: that, in fine, they were scarce less execrable than
ridiculous in their monstrous inconsistence, of loathing and
condemning women, and all at the same time apeing all their
manners, air, lips, skuttle, and, in general, all their little modes of
affectation, which become them at least better than they do these
unsex'd malemisses.

But here, washing my hands of them, I re-plunge into the stream
of my history, into which I may very properly ingraft a terrible sally
of Louisa's, since I had some share in it myself, and have besides
engag'd myself to relate it, in point of countenance to poor Emily.  It
will add, too, one more example to thousands, in confirmation of
the maxim that when women get once out of compass, there are no
lengths of licentiousness that they are not capable of running.

One morning then, that both Mrs.  Cole and Emily were gone out
for the day, and only Louisa and I (not to mention the house-maid)
were left in charge of the house, whilst we were loitering away the
time in looking through the shop windows, the son of a poor
woman, who earned very hard bread indeed by mending stockings,
in a stall in the neighbourhood, offer'd us some nosegays, ring'd
round a small basket; by selling of which the poor boy eked out his
mother's maintenance of them both: nor was he fit for any other
way of livelihood, since he was not only a perfect changeling, or
idiot, but stammer'd so that there was no understanding even those
sounds his halfdozen, at most, animal ideas prompted him to utter.

The boys and servants in the neighbourhood had given him the
nick-name of Good-natured Dick, from the soft simpleton's doing
everything he was bid at the first word, and from his naturally
having no turn to mischief; then, by the way, he was perfectly well
made, stout, clean-limb'd, tall of his age, as strong as a horse and,
withal, pretty featur'd; so that he was not, absolutely, such a figure
to be snuffled at neither, if your nicety could, in favour of such
essentials, have dispens'd with a face unwashed, hair tangled for
want of combing, and so ragged a plight, that he might have
disputed points of shew with e'er a heathen philosopher of them all.

This boy we had often seen, and bought his flowers, out of pure
compassion, and nothing more; but just at this time as he stood
presenting us his basket, a sudden whim, a start of wayward fancy,
seiz'd Louisa; and, without consulting me, she calls him in, and
beginning to examine his nosegays, culls out two, one for herself,
another for me, and pulling out half a crown, very currently gives it
him to change, as if she had really expected he could have changed
it: but the boy, scratching his head, made his signs explaining his
inability in place of words, which he could not, with all his
struggling, articulate.

Louisa, at this, says: "Well, my lad, come up-stairs with me, and
I will give you your due," winking at the same time to me, and
beckoning me to accompany her, which I did, securing first the
street-door, that by this means, together with the shop, became
wholly the care of the faithful housemaid.

As we went up, Louisa whispered to me that she had conceiv'd a
strange longing to be satisfy'd, whether the general rule held good
with regard to this changeling, and how far nature had made him
amends, in her best bodily gifts, for her denial of the sublimer
intellectual ones; begging, at the same time, my assistance in
procuring her this satisfaction.  A want of complaisance was never
my vice, and I was so far from opposing this extravagant frolic, that
now, bit with the same maggot, and my curiosity conspiring with
hers, I enter'd plum into it, on my own account.

Consequently, as soon as we came into Louisa's bedchamber,
whilst she was amusing him with picking out his nosegays, I
undertook the lead, and began the attack.  As it was not then very
material to keep much measures with a mere natural, I made
presently very free with him, though at my first motion of
meddling, his surprize and confusion made him receive my
advances but aukwardly: nay, insomuch that he bashfully shy'd,
and shy'd back a little; till encouraging him with my eyes, plucking
him playfully by the hair, sleeking his cheeks, and forwarding my
point by a number of little wantonness, I soon turn'd him familiar,
and gave nature her sweetest alarm: so that arous'd, and beginning
to feel himself, we could, amidst all the innocent laugh and grin I
had provoked him into, perceive the fire lighting in his eyes, and,
diffusing over his cheeks, blend its glow with that of his blushes.
The emotion in short of animal pleasure glar'd distinctly in the
simpleton's countenance; yet, struck with the novelty of the scene,
he did not know which way to look or move; but tame, passive,
simpering, with his mouth half open in stupid rapture, stood and
tractably suffer'd me to do what I pleased with him.  His basket was
dropt out of his hands, which Louisa took care of.

I had now, through more than one rent, discovered and felt his
thighs, the skin of which seemed the smoother and fairer for the
coarseness, and even dirt of his dress, as the teeth of Negroes seem
the whiter for the surrounding black; and poor indeed of habit, poor
of understanding, he was, however, abundantly rich in personal
treasures, such as flesh, firm, plump, and replete with the juices of
youth, and robust well-knit limbs.  My fingers too had now got
within reach of the true, the genuine sensitive plant, which, instead
of shrinking from the touch, joys to meet it, and swells and
vegetates under it: mine pleasingly informed me that matters were
so ripe for the discovery we meditated, that they were too mighty
for the confinement they were ready to break.  A waistband that I
unskewer'd, and a rag of a shirt that I removed, and which could
not have cover'd a quarter of it, revealed the whole of the idiot's
standard of distinction, erect, in full pride and display: but such a
one! it was positively of so tremendous a size, that prepared as we
were to see something extraordinary, it still, out of measure,
surpass'd our expectation, and astonish'd even me, who had not
been used to trade in trifles.  In fine, it might have answered very
well the making a show of; its enormous head seemed, in hue and
size, not unlike a common sheep's heart; then you might have troll'd
dice securely along the broad back of the body of it; the length of it
too was prodigious; then the rich appendage of the treasure-bag
beneath, large in proportion, gather'd adn crisp'd up round in
shallow furrows, helped to fill the eye, and complete the proof of his
being a natural, not quite in vain; since it was full manifest that he
inherited, and largely too, the prerogative of majesty which
distinguishes that otherwise most unfortunate condition, and gives
rise to the vulgar saying "A fool's bauble is a lady's playfellow." Not
wholly without reason: for, generally speaking, it is in love as it is in
war, where longest weapon carries it.  Nature, in short, had done so
much for him in those parts, that she perhaps held herself acquitted
in doing so little for his head.

For my part, who had sincerely no intention to push the joke
further than simply satisfying my curiosity with the sight of it alone,
I was content, in spite of the temptation that star'd me in the face,
with having rais'd a May-pole for another to hang a garland on: for,
by this time, easily reading Louisa's desires in her wishful eyes, I
acted the commodious part and made her, who sought no better
sport, significant terms of encouragement to go through-stitch with
her adventure; intimating too that I would stay and see fair play: in
which, indeed, I had in view to humour a new-born curiosity, to
observe what appearances active nature would put on in a natural,
in the course of this her darling operation.

Louisa, whose appetite was up, and who, like the industrious
bee, was, it seems, not above gathering the sweets of so rare a
flower, tho' she found it planted on a dunghill, was but too readily
disposed to take the benefit of my cession.  Urg'd then strongly by
her own desires, and embolden'd by me, she presently determined
to risk a trial of parts with the idiot, who was by this time nobly
inflam'd for her purpose, by all the irritations we had used to put
the principles of pleasure effectually into motion, and to wind up
the springs of its organ to their supreme pitch; and it stood
accordingly stiff and straining, ready to burst with the blood and
spirits that swelled it...to a bulk! No! I shall never forget it.

Louisa then, taking and holding the fine handle that so invitingly
offer'd itself, led the ductile youth by that master-tool of his, as she
stept backward towards the bed; which he joyfully gave way to,
under the incitations of instinct and palpably deliver'd up to the
goad of desire.

Stopped then by the bed, she took the fall she lov'd, and lean'd to
the most, gently backward upon it, still holding fast what she held,
and taking care to give her cloaths a convenient toss up, so that her
thighs duly disclos'd, and elevated, laid open all the outward
prospect of the treasury of love: the rose-lipt overture presenting
the cock-pit so fair, that it was not in nature even for a natural to
miss it.  Nor did he, for Louisa, fully bent on grappling with it, and
impatient of dalliance or delay, directed faithfully the point of the
battering-piece, and bounded up with a rage of so voracious
appetite, to meet and favour the thrust of insertion, that the fierce
activity on both sides effected it with such pain of distention, that
Louisa cry'd out violently that she was hurt beyond bearing, that
she was killed.  But it was too late: the storm was up, and force was
on her to give way to it; for now the man-machine, strongly work'd
upon by the sensual passion, felt so manfully his advantages and
superiority, felt withal the sting of pleasure so intolerable, that
maddening with it, his joys began to assume a character of
furiousness which made me tremble for the too tender Louisa.  He
seemed, at this juncture, greater than himself; his countenance,
before so void of meaning, or expression, now grew big with the
importance of the act he was upon.  In short, it was not now that he
was to be play'd the fool with.  But, what is pleasant enough, I
myself was aw'd into a sort of respect for him, by the comely terrors
his motions dressed him in: his eyes shooting sparks of fire; his face
glowing with ardours that gave another life to it; his teeth churning;
his whole frame agitated with a raging ungovernable impetuosity:
all sensibly betraying the formidable fierceness with which the
genial instinct acted upon him.  Butting then and goring all before
him, and mad and wild like an over-driven steer, he ploughs up the
tender furrow, all insensible to Louisa's complaints; nothing can
stop, nothing can keep out a fury like his: with which, having once
got its head in, its blind rage soon made way for the rest, piercing,
rending, and breaking open all obstructions.  The torn, split,
wounded girl cries, struggles, invokes me to her rescue, and
endeavours to get from under the young savage, or shake him off,
but alas! in vain: her breath might as soon have still'd or stemm'd a
storm in winter, as all her strength have quell'd his rough assault, or
put him out of his course.  And indeed, all her efforts and struggles
were manag'd with such disorder, that they serv'd rather to
entangle, and fold her the faster in the twine of his boisterous arms;
so that she was tied to the stake, and oblig'd to fight the match out,
if she died for it.  For his part, instinct-ridden as he was, the
expressions of his animal passion, partaking something of ferocity,
were rather worrying than kisses, intermix'd with eager ravenous
love-bites on her cheeks and neck, the prints of which did not wear
out for some days after.

Poor Louisa, however, bore up at length better than could have
been expected; and though she suffer'd, and greatly too, yet, ever
true to the good old cause, she suffer'd with pleasure and enjoyed
her pain.  And soon now, by dint of an enrag'd enforcement, the
brute-machine, driven like a whirlwind, made all smoke again, and
wedging its way up, to the utmost extremity, left her, in point of
penetration, nothing to fear or to desire: and now,

"Gorg'd with the dearest morsel of the earth,"
(Shakespeare.)

Louisa lay, pleas'd to the heart, pleas'd to her utmost capacity of
being so, with every fibre in those parts, stretched almost to
breaking, on a rack of joy, whilst the instrument of all this
overfulness searched her senses with its sweet excess, till the
pleasure gained upon her so, its point stung her so home, that
catching at length the rage from her furious driver and sharing the
riot of his wild rapture, she went wholly out of her mind into that
favourite part of her body, the whole intenseness of which was so
fervously fill'd, and employ'd: there alone she existed, all lost in
those delirious transports, those extasies of the senses, which her
winking eyes, the brighten'd vermilion of her lips and cheeks, and
sighs of pleasure deeply fetched, so pathetically express'd.  In short,
she was now as mere a machine as much wrought on, and had her
motions as little at her own command as the natural himself, who
thus broke in upon her, made her feel with a vengeance his
tempestuous tenderness, and the force of the mettle he battered
with; their active loins quivered again with the violence of their
conflict, till the surge of pleasure, foaming and raging to a height,
drew down the pearly shower that was to allay this hurricane.  The
purely sensitive idiot then first shed those tears of joy that attend its
last moments, not without an agony of delight and even almost a
roar of rapture, as the gush escaped him; so sensibly too for Louisa,
that she kept him faithful company, going off, in consent, with the
old symptoms: a delicious delirium, a tremulous convulsive
shudder, and the critical dying Oh! And now, on his getting off, she
lay pleasuredrench'd, and re-gorging its essential sweets; but quite
spent, and gasping for breath, without other sensation of life than in
those exquisite vibrations that trembled yet on the strings of delight,
which had been too intensively touched, and which nature had been
so intensly stirred with, for the senses to be quickly at peace from.

As for the changeling, whose curious engine had been thus
successfully played off, his shift of countenance and gesture had
even something droll, or rather tragi-comic in it: there was now an
air of sad repining foolishness, superadded to his natural one of no-
meaning and idiotism, as he stood with his label of manhood, now
lank, unstiffen'd, becalm'd, and flapping against his thighs, down
which it reach'd half-way, terrible even in its fall, whilst under the
dejection of spirit and flesh, which naturally followed, his eyes, by
turns, cast down towards his struck standard, or piteously lifted to
Louisa, seemed to require at her hands what he had so sensibly
parted from to her, and now ruefully miss'd.  But the vigour of
nature, soon returning, dissipated the blast of faintness which the
common law of enjoyment had subjected him to; and now his
basket re-became his main concern, which I look'd for, and brought
him, whilst Louisa restor'd his dress to its usual condition, and
afterwards pleased him perhaps more by taking all his flowers off
his hands, and paying him, at his rate, for them, than if she had
embarrass'd him by a present that he would have been puzzled to
account for, and might have put others on tracing the motives of.

Whether she ever return'd to the attack I know not, and, to say
the truth, I believe not.  She had had her freak out, and had pretty
plentifully drown'd her curiosity in a glut of pleasure, which, as it
happened, had no other consequence than that the lad, who retain'd
only a confused memory of the transaction, would, when he saw
her, for some time after, express a grin of joy and familiarity, after
his idiot manner, and soon forgot her in favour of the next woman,
tempted, on the report of his parts, to take him in.

Part 10

Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs.  Cole's
(to whom, by-the-bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit, till
all fear of consequences were clearly over): for an occasion
presenting itself of proving her passion for a young fellow, at the
expense of her discretion, proceeding all in character, she pack'd up
her toilet at half a day's warning and went with him abroad, since
which I entirely lost sight of her, and it never fell in my way to hear
what became of her.

But a few days after she had left us, two very pretty young
gentlemen, who were Mrs.  Cole's especial favourites, and free of
her academy, easily obtain'd her consent for Emily's and my
acceptance of a party of pleasure at a little but agreeable house
belonging to one of them, situated not far up the river Thames, on
the Surry side.

Everything being settled, and it being a fine summerday, but
rather of the warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to our
rendez-vous about four in the afternoon; where, landing at the foot
of a neat, joyous pavillion, Emily and I were handed into it by our
squires, and there drank tea with a cheerfulness and gaiety that the
beauty of the prospect, the serenity of the weather, and the tender
politeness of our sprightly gallants naturally led us into.

After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, who
was the master of the house, and had in no sense schem'd this party
of pleasure for a dry one, propos'd to us, with that frankness which
his familiarity at Mrs.  Cole's entitled him to, as the weather was
excessively hot, to bathe together, under a commodious shelter that
he had prepared expressly for that purpose, in a creek of the river,
with which a side-door of the pavilion immediately communicated,
and where we might be sure of having our diversion out, safe from
interruption, and with the utmost privacy.

Emily, who never refus'd anything, and I, who ever delighted in
bathing, and had no exception to the person who propos'd it, or to
those pleasures it was easy to guess it implied, took care, on this
occasion, not to wrong our training at Mrs.  Cole's, and agreed to it
with as good a grace as we could.  Upon which, without loss of
time, we return'd instantly to the pavilion, one door of which
open'd into a tent, pitch'd before it, that with its marquise, formed a
pleasing defense against the sun, or the weather, and was besides as
private as we could wish.  The lining of it, imbossed cloth,
represented a wild forest-foliage, from the top down to the sides,
which, in the same stuff, were figur'd with fluted pilasters, with
their spaces between fill'd with flower-vases, the whole having a
gay effect upon the eye, wherever you turn'd it.

Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet contain'd
convenient benches round it, on the dry ground, either to keep our
cloaths, or..., or..., in short, for more uses than resting upon.  There
was a side-table too, loaded with sweetmeats, jellies, and other
eatables, and bottles of wine and cordials, by way of occasional
relief from any rawness, or chill of the water, or from any faintness
from whatever cause; and in fact, my gallant, who understood chere
entiere perfectly, and who, for taste (even if you would not approve
this specimen of it) might have been comptroller of pleasures to a
Roman emperor, had left no requisite towards convenience or
luxury unprovided.

As soon as we had look'd round this inviting spot, and every
preliminary of privacy was duly settled, strip was the word: when
the young gentlemen soon dispatch'd the undressing each his
partner and reduced us to the naked confession of all those secrets
of person which dress generally hides, and which the discovery of
was, naturally speaking, not to our disadvantage.  Our hands,
indeed, mechanically carried towards the most interesting part of
us, screened, at first, all from the tufted cliff downwards, till we
took them away at their desire, and employed them in doing them
the same office, of helping off with their cloaths; in the process of
which, there pass'd all the little wantonnesses and frolicks that you
may easily imagine.

As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt, the
fore-lappet of which as he lean'd languishingly on me, he smilingly
pointed to me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose and fell,
according to the unruly starts of the motion behind it; but it was
soon fix'd, for now taking off his shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he
shew'd it me at so upright a stand, as prepar'd me indeed for his
application to me for instant ease; but, tho' the sight of its fine size
was fit enough to fire me, the cooling air, as I stood in this state of
nature, joined to the desire I had of bathing first, enabled me to put
him off, and tranquillize him, with the remark that a little suspense
would only set a keener edge on the pleasure.  Leading then the
way, and shewing our friends an example of continency, which they
were giving signs of losing respect to, we went hand in hand into
the stream, till it took us up to our neck, where the no more than
grateful coolness of the water gave my senses a delicious
refreshment from the sultriness of the season, and made more alive,
more happy in myself, and, in course, more alert, and open to
voluptuous impressions.

Here I lav'd and wanton'd with the water, or sportively play'd
with my companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at discretion.
Mine, at length, not content with making me take the plunge over
head and ears, kept splashing me, and provoking me with all the
little playful tricks he could devise, and which I strove not to remain
in his debt for.  We gave, in short, a loose to mirth; and now,
nothing would serve him but giving his hands the regale of going
over every part of me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all the et
cetera, so dear to the imagination, under the pretext of washing and
rubbing them; as we both stood in the water, no higher now than
the pit of our stomachs, and which did not hinder him from feeling,
and toying with that leak that distinguishes our sex, and it so
wonderfully water-tight: for his fingers, in vain dilating and
opening it, only let more flame than water into it, be it said without
a figure.  At the same time he made me feel his own engine, which
was so well wound up, as to stand even the working in water, and
he accordingly threw one arm round my neck, and was
endeavouring to get the better of that harsher construction bred by
the surrounding fluid; and had in effect won his way so far as to
make me sensible of the pleasing stretch of those nether-lips, from
the in-driving machine; when, independent of my not liking that
aukward mode of enjoyment, I could not help interrupting him, in
order to become joint spectators of a plan of joy, in hot operation
between Emily and her partner; who impatient of the fooleries and
dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of the benches on
the green bank, where he was very cordially proceeding to teach her
the difference betwixt jest and earnest.

There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over the
surface of that smooth polish'd snow-white skin of hers, which now
doubly shone with a dew-bright lustre, and presented to the touch
something like what one would imagine of animated ivory,
especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which the touch is so fond
of and delights to make love to, with the other he was lusciously
exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to make room for a
stately piece of machinery, that stood uprear'd, between her thighs,
as she continued sitting on his lap, and pressed hard for instant
admission, which the tender Emily, in a fit of humour deliciously
protracted, affecting to decline, and elude the very pleasure she
sigh'd for, but in a style of waywardness so prettily put on, and
managed, as to render it ten times more poignant; then her eyes, all
amidst the softest dying languishment, express'd at once a mock
denial and extreme desire, whilst her sweetness was zested with a
coyness so pleasingly provoking, her moods of keeping him off
were so attractive, that they redoubled the impetuous rage with
which he cover'd her with kisses: and the kisses that, whilst she
seemed to shy from or scuffle for, the cunning wanton contrived
such sly returns of, as were doubtless the sweeter for the gust she
gave them, of being stolen ravished.

Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, in
favour of her principal end, pleasure, had inspir'd her with, the art
of yielding, coy'd it indeed, but coy'd it to the purpose; for with all
her straining, her wrestling, and striving to break from the clasp of
his arms, she was so far wiser yet than to mean it, that in her
struggles, it was visible she aim'd at nothing more than multiplying
points of touch with him, and drawing yet closer the folds that held
them every where entwined, like two tendrils of a vine intercurling
together: so that the same effect, as when Louisa strove in good
earnest to disengage from the idiot, was now produced by different
motives.

Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused a
general glow, a tender suffusion of heighten'd carnation over their
bodies; both equally white and smoothskinned; so that as their
limbs were thus amorously interwoven, in sweet confusion, it was
scarce possible to distinguish who they respectively belonged to,
but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the stronger sex.

In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her,
and had tied at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieu all
the little refinements of a finessed reluctance; adieu the friendly
feint! She was presently driven forcibly out of the power of using
any art; and indeed, what art must not give way, when nature,
corresponding with her assailant, invaded in the heart of her capital
and carried by storm, lay at the mercy of the proud conqueror who
had made his entry triumphantly and completely? Soon, however,
to become a tributary: for the engagement growing hotter and
hotter, at close quarters, she presently brought him to the pass of
paying down the dear debt to nature; which she had no sooner
collected in, but, like a duellist who has laid his antagonist at his
feet, when he has himself received a mortal wound, Emily had
scarce time to plume herself upon her victory, but, shot with the
same discharge, she, in a loud expiring sigh, in the closure of her
eyes, the stretch-out of her limbs, and a remission of her whole
frame, gave manifest signs that all was as it should be.

For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood in the
water all this time, to view this warm action, I lean'd tenderly on
my gallant, and at the close of it, seemed'd to ask him with my eyes
what he thought of it; but he, more eager to satisfy me by his actions
than by words or looks, as we shoal'd the water towards the shore,
shewed me the staff of love so intensely set up, that had not even
charity beginning at home in this case, urged me to our mutual
relief, it would have been cruel indeed to have suffered the youth to
burst with straining, when the remedy was so obvious and so near
at hand.

Accordingly we took to a bench, whilst Emily and her spark,
who belonged it seems to the sea, stood at the sideboard, drinking
to our good voyage: for, as the last observ'd, we were well under
weigh, with a fair wind up channel, and full-freighted; nor indeed
were we long before we finished our trip to Cythera, and unloaded
in the old haven; but, as the circumstances did not admit of much
variation, I shall spare you the description.

At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I am
conscious of owing you, for having, perhaps, too much affected the
figurative style; though surely, it can pass nowhere more allowably
than in a subject which is so properly the province of poetry, nay, is
poetry itself, pregnant with every flower of imagination and loving
metaphors, even were not the natural expressions, for respects of
fashion and sound, necessarily forbid it.

Resuming now my history, you may please to know that what
with a competent number of repetitions, all in the same strain (and,
by-the-bye, we have a certain natural sense that those repetitions are
very much to the taste), what with a circle of pleasures delicately
varied, there was not a moment lost to joy all the time we staid
there, till late in the night we were re-escorted home by our squires,
who delivered us safe to Mrs.  Cole, with generous thanks for our
company.

This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce a
week after, she was, by an accident too trivial to detail to you the
particulars, found out by her parents, who were in good
circumstances, and who had been punish'd for their partiality to
their son, in the loss of him, occasion'd by a circumstance of their
over-indulgence to his appetite; upon which the so long engross'd
stream of fondness, running violently in favour of this lost and
inhumanly abandon'd child whom if they had not neglected enquiry
about, they might long before have recovered.  They were now so
overjoyed at the retrieval of her, that, I presume, it made them
much less strict in examining the bottom of things: for they seem'd
very glad to take for granted, in the lump, everything that the grave
and decent Mrs.  Cole was pleased to pass upon them; and soon
afterwards sent her, from the country, a handsome
acknowledgement.

But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss of so
sweet a member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she was one of
those mild, pliant characters that if one does not entirely esteem,
one can scarce help loving, which is not such a bad compensation
neither.  Owing all her weakness to good-nature, and an indolent
facility that kept her too much at the mercy of first impressions, she
had just sense enough to know that she wanted leading-strings, and
thought herself so much obliged to any who would take the pains to
think for her, and guide her, that with a very little management, she
was capable of being made a most agreeable, nay, a most virtuous
wife: for vice, it is probable, had never been her choice, or her fate,
if it had not been for occasion, or example, or had she not depended
less upon herself than upon her circumstances.  This presumption
her conduct afterwards verified: for presently meeting with a match
that was ready cut and dry for her, with a neighbour's son of her
own rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took her as the
widow of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of her gallants, whose
name she had made free with, really was), she naturally struck into
all the duties of their domestic life with as much constancy and
regularity, as if she had never swerv'd from a state of undebauch'd
innocence from her youth.

These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs.  Cole's
brood that she was left with only me like a hen with one chicken;
but tho' she was earnestly entreated and encourag'd to recruit her
corps, her growing infirmities, and, above all, the tortures of a
stubborn hip-gout, which she found would yield to no remedy,
determin'd her to bread up her business and retire with a decent
pittance into the country, where I promis'd myself nothing so sure,
as my going down to live with her as soon as I had seen a little more
of life and improv'd my small matters into a competency that would
create in me an independence on the world: for I was, now, thanks
to Mrs.  Cole, wise enough to keep that essential in view.

Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did the
Philosophers of the town the White Crow of her profession.  For
besides that she never ransacked her customers, whose taste too she
ever studiously consulted, besides that she never racked her pupils
with unconscionable extortions, nor ever put their hard earnings, as
she call'd them, under the contribution of poundage.  She was a
severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, and confin'd her
acquisitions solely to those unfortunate young women, who, having
lost it, were but the juster objects of compassion: among these,
indeed, she pick'd but such as suited her views and taking them
under her protection, rescu'd them from the danger of the publick
sinks of ruin and misery, to place, or do for them, well or ill, in the
manner you have seen.  Having then settled her affairs, she set out
on her journey, after taking the most tender leave of me, and at the
end of some excellent instructions, recommending me to myself,
with an anxiety perfectly maternal.  In short, she affected me so
much, that I was not presently reconcil'd to myself for suffering her
at any rate to go without me; but fate had, it seems, otherwise
dispos'd of me.

I had, on my separation from Mrs.  Cole, taken a pleasant
convenient house at Marybone, but easy to rent and manage from
its smallness, which I furnish'd neatly and modestly.  There, with a
reserve of eight hundred pounds, the fruit of my deference to Mrs.
Cole's counsels, exclusive of cloaths, some jewels, some plate, I saw
myself in purse for a long time, to wait without impatience for what
the chapter of accidents might produce in my favour.

Here, under the new character of a young gentle-woman whose
husband was gone to sea, I had mark'd me out such lines of life and
conduct, as leaving me at a competent liberty to pursue my views
either out of pleasure or fortune, bounded me nevertheless strictly
within the rules od decency and discretion: a disposition in which
you cannot escape observing a true pupil of Mrs.  Cole.

I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going
out one morning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the
pleasing outlet of the fields, accompanied only by a maid, whom I
had newly hired, as we were carelessly walking among the trees we
were alarmed with the noise of a violent coughing: turning our
heads towards which, we distinguish'd a plain well-dressed elderly
gentleman, who, attack'd with a sudden fit, was so much overcome
as to be forc'd to give way to it and sit down at the foot of a tree,
where he seemed suffocating with the severity of it, being perfectly
black in the face: not less mov'd than frighten'd with which, I flew
on the instant to his relief, and using the rote of practice I had
observ'd on the like occasion, I loosened his cravat and clapped him
on the back; but whether to any purpose, or whether the cough had
had its course, I know not, but the fit immediately went off; and
now recover'd to his speech and legs, he returned me thanks with as
much emphasis as if I had sav'd his life.  This naturally engaging a
conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which was at a
considerable distance from where I met with him, and where he had
stray'd insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk.

He was, as I afterwards learn'd in the course of the intimacy
which this little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turn'd of
sixty, but of a fresh vigorous complexion, insomuch that he scarce
marked five and forty, having never rack'd his constitution by
permitting his desires to overtax his ability.

As to his birth and condition, his parents, honest and fail'd
mechanicks, had, by the best traces he could get of them, left him an
infant orphan on the parish; so that it was from a charity-school,
that, by honesty and industry, he made his way into a merchant's
counting-house; from whence, being sent to a house in CADIZ, he
there, by his talents and activity, acquired a fortune, but an
immense one, with which he returned to his native country; where
he could not, however, so much as fish out one single relation out of
the obscurity he was born in.  Taking then a taste for retirement,
and pleas'd to enjoy life, like a mistress in the dark, he flowed his
days in all the ease of opulence, without the least parade of it; and,
rather studying the concealment than the shew of a fortune, looked
down on a world he perfectly knew; himself, to his wish, unknown
and unmarked by.

But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure of
retracing to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with this
ever, to me, memorable friend, I shall, in this, transiently touch on
no more than may serve, as mortar to cement, to form the
connection of my history, and to obviate your surprize that one of
my high blood and relish of life should count a gallant of threescore
such a catch.

Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by what
progressions our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first, insensibly
changed nature, and ran into unplatonic lengths, as might well be
expected from one of my condition of life, and above all, from that
principle of electricity that scarce ever fails of producing fire when
the sexes meet.  I shall only her acquaint you, that as age had not
subdued his tenderness for our sex, neither had it robbed him of the
power of pleasing, since whatever he wanted in the bewitching
charms of youth, he aton'd for, or supplemented with the
advantages of experience, the sweetness of his manners, and above
all, his flattering address in touching the heart, by an application to
the understanding.  From him it was I first learn'd, to any purpose,
and not without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion of me
worth bestowing some regard on; from him I received my first
essential encouragement, and instructions how to put it in that train
of cultivation, which I have since pushed to the little degree of
improvement you see it at; he it was, who first taught me to be
sensible that the pleasures of the mind were superior to those of the
body; at the same time, that they were so far from obnoxious to, or
incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in the
variety and transition, the one serv'd to exalt and perfect the taste of
the other to a degree that the senses alone can never arrive at.

Himself a rational pleasurist, as being much too wise to be
asham'd of the pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but loved
me with dignity; in a mean equally remov'd from the sourness, of
forwardness, by which age is unpleasingly characteriz'd, and from
that childish silly dotage that so often disgraces it, and which he
himself used to turn into ridicule, and compare to an old goat
affecting the frisk of a young kid.

In short, everything that is generally unamiable in his season of
life was, in him, repair'd by so many advantages, that he existed a
proof, manifest at least to me, that it is not out of the power of age
to please, if it lays out to please, and if, making just allowances,
those in that class do not forget that it must cost them more pains
and attention than what youth, the natural spring-time of joy,
stands in need of: as fruits out of season require proportionably
more skill and cultivation, to force them.

With this gentleman then, who took me home soon after our
acquaintance commenc'd, I lived near eight months; in which time,
my constant complaisance and docility, my attention to deserve his
confidence and love, and a conduct, in general, devoid of the least
art and founded on my sincere regard and esteem for him, won and
attach'd him so firmly to me, that, after having generously trusted
me with a genteel, independent settlement, proceeding to heap
marks of affection on me, he appointed me, by an authentick will,
his sole heiress and executrix: a disposition which he did not outlive
two months, being taken from me by a violent cold that he
contracted as he unadvisedly ran to the window on an alarm of fire,
at some streets distance, and stood there naked-breasted, and
exposed to the fatal impressions of a damp night-air.

After acquitting myself of my duty towards my deceas'd
benefactor, and paying him a tribute of unfeign'd sorrow, which a
little time chang'd into a most tender, grateful memory of him that I
shall ever retain, I grew somewhat comforted by the prospect that
now open'd to me, if not of happiness at least of affluence and
independence.

I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for I was
not yet nineteen) actually at the head of so large a fortune, as it
would have been even the height of impudence in me to have raised
my wishes, much more my hopes, to; and that this unexpected
elevation did not turn my head, I ow'd to the pains my benefactor
had taken to form and prepare me for it, as I ow'd his opinion of my
management of the vast possessions he left me, to what he had
observ'd of the prudential economy I had learned under Mrs.  Cole,
of which the reserve he saw I had made was a proof and
encouragement to him.

But, alas! how easily is the enjoyment of the greatest sweets in
life, in present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absent one!
but my regret was a mighty and just one, since it had my only truly
beloved Charles for its object.

Given him up I had, indeed, compleatly, having never once
heard from him since our separation; which, as I found afterwards,
had been my misfortune, and not his neglect, for he wrote me
several letters which had all miscarried; but forgotten him I never
had.  Amidst all my personal infidelities, not one had made a pin's
point impression on a heart impenetrable to the true love-passion,
but for him.

As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpected fortune, I
felt more than ever how dear he was to me, from its insufficiency to
make me happy, whilst he was not to share it with me.  My earliest
care, consequently, was to endeavour at getting some account of
him; but all my researches produc'd me no more light than that his
father had been dead for some time, not so well as even with the
world; and that Charles had reached his port of destination in the
South-Seas, where, finding the estate he was sent to recover
dwindled to a trifle, by the loss of two ships in which the bulk of his
uncle's fortune lay, he was come away with the small remainder,
and might, perhaps, according to the best advice, in a few months
return to England, from whence he had, at the time of this my
inquiry, been absent two years and seven months.  A little eternity
in love!

You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thus
given me of seeing the delight of my heart again.  But, as the term of
months was assigned it, in order to divert and amuse my
impatience for his return, after settling my affairs with much ease
and security, I set out on a journey for Lancashire, with an equipage
suitable to my fortune, and with a design purely to revisit my place
of nativity, for which I could not help retaining a great tenderness;
and might naturally not be sorry to shew myself there, to the
advantage I was now in pass to do, after the report Esther Davis
had spread of my being spirited away to the plantations; for on no
other supposition could she account for the suppression of myself to
her, since her leaving me so abruptly at the inn.  Another favourite
intention I had, to look out for my relations, though I had none
besides distant ones, and prove a benefactress to them.  Then Mrs.
Cole's place of retirement lying in my way, was not amongst the
least of the pleasures I had proposed to myself in this expedition.

I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, to
figure it as my companion, besides my servants, and was scarce got
into an inn, about twenty miles from London, where I was to sup
and pass the night, when such a storm of wind and rain sprang up
as made me congratulate myself on having got under shelter before
it began.

This had continu'd a good half hour, when bethinking me of
some directions to be given to the coachman, I sent for him, and not
caring that his shoes should soil the very clean parlour, in which the
cloth was laid, I stept into the hallkitchen, where he was, and where,
whilst I was talking to him, I slantingly observ'd two horsemen
driven in by the weather, and both wringing wet; one of whom was
asking if they could not be assisted with a change, while their
clothes were dried.  But, heavens! who can express what I felt at the
sound of a voice, ever present to my heart, and that is now
rebounded at! or when pointing my eyes towards the person it came
from, they confirm'd its information, in spite of so long an absence,
and of a dress one would have imagin'd studied for a disguise: a
horseman's great coat, with a stand-up cape, and his hat
flapp'd...but what could escape the piercing alertness of a sense
surely guided by love? A transport then like mine was above all
consideration, or schemes of surprize; and I, that instant, with the
rapidity of the emotions that I felt the spur of, shot into his arms,
crying out, as I threw mine round his neck: "My life!...my soul!...my
Charles!..." and without further power of speech, swoon'd away,
under the pressing agitations of joy and surprize.

Recover'd out of my entrancement, I found myself in my
charmer's arms, but in the parlour, surrounded by a crowd which
this event had gather'd round us, and which immediately, on a
signal from the discreet landlady, who currently took him for my
husband, clear'd the room, and desirably left us alone to the
raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to have prov'd, at
the expense of my life, power superior to that of grief at our fatal
separation.

The first object then, that my eyes open'd on, was their supreme
idol, and my supreme wish Charles, on one knee, holding me fast
by the hand and gazing on me with a transport of fondness.
Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak, and give vent to his
patience of hearing my voice again, to satisfy him once more that it
was me; but the mightiness and suddenness of the surprize,
continuing to stun him, choked his utterance: he could only
stammer out a few broken, half formed, faltering accents, which my
ears greedily drinking in, spelt, and put together, so as to make out
their sense; "After so long!...so cruel...an absence!...my dearest
Fanny!...can it?...can it be you?..." stifling me at the same time with
kisses, that, stopping my mouth, at once prevented the answer that
he panted for, and increas'd the delicious disorder in which all my
senses were rapturously lost.  Amidst however, this crowd of ideas,
and all blissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt, that
poison'd nearly all the transcendent happiness: and what was it, but
my dread of its being too excessive to be real? I trembled now with
the fear of its being no more than a dream, and of my waking out of
it into the horrors of finding it one.  Under this fond apprehension,
imagining I could not make too much of the present prodigious joy,
before it should vanish and leave me in the desert again, nor verify
its reality too strongly, I clung to him, I clasp'd him, as if to hinder
him from escaping me again: "Where have you been?...how could
you...could you leave me?...Say you are still mine...that you still
love me...and thus! thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidate lips
with him!) "I forgive you...forgive my hard fortune in favour of this
restoration."

All these interjections breaking from me, in that wildness of
expression that justly passes for eloquence in love, drew from him
all the returns my fond heart could wish or require.  Our caresses,
our questions, our answers, for some time observ'd no order; all
crossing, or interrupting one another in sweet confusion, whilst we
exchang'd hearts at our eyes, and renew'd the ratifications of a love
unbated by time or absence: not a breath, not a motion, not a
gesture on either side, but what was strongly impressed with it.
Our hands, lock'd in each other, repeated the most passionate
squeezes, so that their fiery thrill went to the heart again.

Thus absorbed, and concentre'd in this unutterable delight, I had
not attended to the sweet author of it, being thoroughly wet, and in
danger of catching cold; when, in good time, the landlady, whom
the appearance of my equipage (which, by-the-bye, Charles knew
nothing of) had gain'd me an interest in, for me and mine,
interrupted us by bringing in a decent shift of linen and cloaths,
which now, somewhat recover'd into a calmer composure by the
coming in of a third person, I prest him to take the benefit of, with a
tender concern and anxiety that made me tremble for his health.

The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in the act of
which, tho' he proceeded with all that modesty which became these
first solemner instants of our re-meeting after so long an absence, I
could not contain certain snatches of my eyes, lured by the dazzling
discoveries of his naked skin, that escaped him as he chang'd his
linen, and which I could not observe the unfaded life and
complexion of without emotions of tenderness and joy, that had
himself too purely for their object to partake of a loose or mistim'd
desire.

He was soon drest in these temporary cloaths, which neither
fitted him now became the light my passion plac'd him in, to me at
least; yet, as they were on him, they look'd extremely well, in virtue
of that magic charm which love put into everything that he touch'd,
or had relation to him: and where, indeed, was that dress that a
figure like this would not give grace to? For now, as I ey'd him more
in detail, I could not but observe the even favourable alteration
which the time of his absence had produced in his person.

There were still the requisite lineaments, still the same vivid
vermilion and bloom reigning in his face: but now the roses were
more fully blown; the tan of his travels, and a beard somewhat
more distinguishable, had, at the expense of no more delicacy than
what he could well spare, given it an air of becoming manliness and
maturity, that symmetriz'd nobly with that air of distinction and
empire with which nature had stamp'd it, in a rare mixture with the
sweetness of it; still nothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness
of flesh, which, glowing with freshness, blooms florid to the eye,
and delicious to the touch; then his shoulders were grown more
square, his shape more form'd, more portly, but still free and airy.
In short, his figure show'd riper, greater, and perfecter to the
experienced eye than in his tender youth; and now he was not much
more than two and twenty.

In this interval, however, I pick'd out of the broken, often
pleasingly interrupted account of himself, that he was, at that
instant, actually on his road to London, in not a very paramount
plight or condition, having been wreck'd on the Irish coast for
which he had prematurely embark'd, and lost the little all he had
brought with him from the South Seas; so that he had not till after
great shifts and hardships, in the company of his fellow-traveller,
the captain, got so far on his journey; that so it was (having heard of
his father's death and circumstances) he had now the world to begin
again, on a new account: a situation which he assur'd me, in a vein
of sincerity that, flowing from his heart, penetrated mine, gave him
to farther pain, than that he had it not in his power to make me as
happy as he could wish.  My fortune, you will please to observe, I
had not enter'd upon any overture of, reserving to feast myself with
the surprize of it to him, in calmer instants.  And, as to my dress, it
could give him no idea of the truth, not only as it was mourning,
but likewise in a style of plainness and simplicity that I had ever
kept to with studied art.  He press'd me indeed tenderly to satisfy
his ardent curiosity, both with regard to my past and present state
of life since his being torn away from me: but I had the address to
elude his questions by answers that, shewing his satisfaction at no
great distance, won upon him to waive his impatience, in favour of
the thorough confidence he had in my not delaying it, but for
respects I should in good time acquaint him with.

Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms, tender,
faithful, and in health, was already a blessing too mighty for my
conception: but Charles in distress!...Charles reduc'd, and broken
down to his naked personal merit, was such a circumstance, in
favour of the sentiments I had for him, as exceeded my utmost
desires; and accordingly I seemed so visibly charm'd, so out of time
and measure pleas'd at his mention of his ruin'd fortune, that he
could account for it no way, but that the joy of seeing him again had
swallow'd up every other sense, or concern.

In the mean time, my woman had taken all possible care of
Charles's travelling companion; and as supper was coming in, he
was introduc'd to me, when I receiv'd him as became my regard for
all of Charles's acquaintance or friends.

We four then supp'd together, in the style of joy, congratulation,
and pleasing disorder that you may guess.  For my part, though all
these agitations had left me not the least stomach but for that
uncloying feast, the sight of my ador'd youth, I endeavour'd to force
it, by way of example for him, who I conjectur'd must want such a
recruit after riding; and, indeed, he ate like a traveller, but gaz'd at,
and addressed me all the time like a lover.

After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose came on,
Charles and I were, without further ceremony, in quality of man
and wife, shewn up together to a very handsome apartment, and,
all in course, the bed, they said, the best in the inn.

And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate thy laws
and keeping the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for the last time to
that confidence, without reserve, with which I engaged to recount to
you the most striking circumstances of my youthful disorders.

As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left to ourselves,
the sight of the bed starting the remembrance of our first joys, and
the thought of my being instantly to share it with the dear possessor
of my virgin heart, mov'd me so strongly, that it was well I lean'd
upon him, or I must have fainted again under the overpowering
sweet alarm.  Charles saw into my confusion, and forgot his own,
that was scarce less, to apply himself to the removal of mine.

But now the true refining passion had regain'd thorough
possession of me, with all its train of symptoms: a sweet sensibility,
a tender timidity, love-sick yearnings temper'd with diffidence and
modesty, all held me in a subjection of soul, incomparably dearer to
me than the liberty of heart which I had been long, too long! the
mistress of, in the course of those grosser gallantries, the
consciousness of which now made me sigh with a virtuous
confusion and regret.  No real virgin, in view of the nuptial bed,
could give more bashful blushes to unblemish'd innocence than I
did to a sense of guilt; and indeed I lov'd Charles too truly not to
feel severely that I did not deserve him.

As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this soft distraction,
Charles, with a fond impatience, took the pains to undress me; and
all I can remember amidst the flutter and discomposure of my
senses was some flattering exclamations of joy and admiration,
more specially at the feel of my breasts, now set at liberty form my
stays, and which panting and rising in tumultuous throbs, swell'd
upon his dear touch, and gave it the welcome pleasure of finding
them well form'd, and unfail'd in firmness.

I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languish'd an instant for the
darling partner of it, before he was undress'd and got between the
sheets, with his arms clasp'd round me, giving and taking, with gust
inexpressible, a kiss of welcome, that my heart rising to my lips
stamp'd with its warmest impression, concurring to by bliss, with
that delicate and voluptuous emotion which Charles alone had the
secret to excite, and which constitutes the very life, the essence of
pleasure.

Meanwhile, two candles lighted on a side-table near us, and a
joyous wood-fire, threw a light into the bed that took from one
sense, of great importance to our joys, all pretext for complaining of
its being shut out of its share of them; and indeed, the sight of my
idolized youth was alone, from the ardour with which I had wished
for it, without other circumstance, a pleasure to die of.

But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on edge as
ours, Charles, after a very short prelusive dalliance, lifting up my
linen and his own, laid the broad treasures of his manly chest close
to my bosom, both beating with the tenderest alarms: when now,
the sense of his glowing body, in naked touch with mine, took all
power over my thoughts out of my own disposal, and deliver'd up
every faculty of the soul to the sensiblest of joys, that affecting me
infinitely more with my distinction of the person than of the sex,
now brought my conscious heart deliciously into play: my heart,
which eternally constant to Charles, had never taken any part in my
occasional sacrifices to the calls of constitution, complaisance, or
interest.  But ah! what became of me, when as the powers of solid
pleasure thickened upon me, I could not help feeling the stiff stake
that had been adorn'd with the trophies of my despoil'd virginity,
bearing hard and inflexible against one of my thighs, which I had
not yet opened, from a true principle of modesty, reviv'd by a
passion too sincere to suffer any aiming at the false merit of
difficulty, or my putting on an impertinent mock coyness.

I have, I believe, somewhere before remark'd, that the feel of that
favourite piece of manhood has, in the very nature of it, something
inimitably pathetic.  Nothing can be dearer to the touch, nor can
affect it with a more delicious sensation.  Think then! as a love
thinks, what must be the consummate transport of that quickest of
our senses, in their central seat too! when, after so long a deprival, it
felt itself re-inflam'd under the pressure of that peculiar scepter-
member which commands us all: but especially my darling, elect
from the face of the whole earth.  And now, at its mightiest point of
stiffness, it felt to me something so subduing, so active, so solid and
agreeable, that I know not what name to give its singular
impression: but the sentiment of consciousness of its belonging to
my supremely beloved youth, gave me so pleasing an agitation, and
work'd so strongly on my soul, that it sent all its sensitive spirits to
that organ of bliss in me, dedicated to its reception.   There,
concentreing to a point, like rays in a burning glass, they glow'd,
they burnt with the intensest heat; the springs of pleasure were, in
short, wound up to such a pitch, I panted now, with so exquisitely
keen an appetite for the eminent enjoyment that I was even sick
with desire, and unequal to support the combination of two distinct
ideas, that delightfully distracted me: for all the thought I was
capable of, was that I was now in touch, at once, with the
instrument of pleasure, and the great-seal of love.  Ideas that,
mingling streams, pour'd such an ocean of intoxicating bliss on a
weak vessel, all too narrow to contain it, that I lay overwhelm'd,
absorbed, lost in an abyss of joy, and dying of nothing but
immoderate delight.

Charles then rous'd me somewhat out of this extatic distraction
with a complaint softly murmured, amidst a crowd of kisses, at the
position, not so favourable to his desires, in which I receiv'd his
urgent insistance for admission, where that insistance was alone so
engrossing a pleasure that it made me inconsistently suffer a much
dearer one to be kept out; but how sweet to correct such a mistake!
My thighs, now obedient to the intimations of love and nature,
gladly disclose, and with a ready submission, resign up the soft
gateway to the entrance of pleasure: I see, I feel the delicious velvet
tip!...he enters me might and main, with...oh! my pen drops from
me here in the extasy now present to my faithful memory!
Description too deserts me, and delivers over a task, above its
strength of wing, to the imagination: but it must be an imagination
exalted by such a flame as mine that can do justice to that sweetest,
noblest of all sensations, that hailed and accompany'd the stiff
insinuation all the way up, till it was at the end of its penetration,
sending up, through my eyes, the sparks of the love-fire that ran all
over me and blaz'd in every vein and every pore of me: a system
incarnate of joy all over.

I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the point up to
the feather, in that part, where making now new wound, the lips of
the original one of nature, which had owed its first breathing to this
dear instrument, clung, as if sensible of gratitude, in eager suction
round it, whilst all its inwards embrac'd it tenderly with a warmth
of gust, a compressive energy, that gave it, in its way, the heartiest
welcome in nature; every fibre there gathering tight round it, and
straining ambitiously to come in for its share of the blissful touch.

As we were giving them a few moments of pause to the
delectation of the senses, in dwelling with the highest relish on this
intimatest point of re-union, and chewing the cud of enjoyment, the
impatience natural to the pleasure soon drove us into action.  Then
began the driving tumult on his side, and the responsive heaves on
mine, which kept me up to him; whilst, as our joys grew too great
for utterance, the organs of our voices, voluptuously intermixing,
became organs of the touch...and oh, that touch! how
delicious!...how poignantly luscious!...And now! now I felt to the
heart of me! I felt the prodigious keen edge with which love,
presiding over this act, points the pleasure: love! that may be styled
the Attic salt of enjoyment; and indeed, without it, the joy, great as
it is, is still a vulgar one, whether in a king or a beggar; for it is,
undoubtedly, love alone that refines, ennobles and exalts it.

Thus happy, then, by the heart, happy by the senses, it was
beyond all power, even of thought, to form the conception of a
greater delight than what I was now consummating the fruition of.

Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agitation of
his rapture, whilst the tenderest fires trembled in his eyes, all
assured me of a prefect concord of joy, penetrated me so
profoundly, touch'd me so vitally, took me so much out of my own
possession, whilst he seem'd himself so much in mine, that in a
delicious enthusiasm, I imagin'd such a transfusion of heart and
spirit, as that coalescing, and making one body and soul with him, I
was he, and he, me.

But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first instants,
towards its own dissolution, liv'd too fast not to bring on upon the
spur its delicious moment of mortality; for presently the approach
of the tender agony discover'd itself by its usual signals, that were
quickly follow'd by my dear love's emanation of himself that spun
our, and shot, feelingly indeed! up the ravish'd in-draught: where
the sweetly soothing balmy titillation opened all the juices of joy on
my side, which extatically in flow, help'd to allay the prurient glow,
and drown'd our pleasure for a while.  Soon, however, to be on float
again! For Charles, true to nature's laws, in one breath expiring and
ejaculating, languish'd not long in the dissolving trance, but
recovering spirit again, soon gave me to feel that the true-mettle
springs of his instrument of pleasure were, by love, and perhaps by
a long vacation, wound up too high to be let down by a single
explosion: his stiffness still stood my friend.  Resuming then the
action afresh, without dislodging, or giving me the trouble of
parting from my sweet tenant, we play'd over again the same opera,
with the same delightful harmony and concert: our ardours, like our
love, knew no remission; and, all as the tide serv'd my lover, lavish
of his stores, and pleasure milked, over-flowed me once more from
the fulness of his oval reservoirs of the genial emulsion: whilst, on
my side, a convulsive grasp, in the instant of my giving down the
liquid contribution, render'd me sweetly subservient at once to the
increase of his joy, and of its effusions: moving me so, as to make
me exert all those springs of the compressive exsuction with which
the sensitive mechanism of that part thirstily draws and drains the
nipple of Love; with much such an instinctive eagerness and
attachment as, to compare great with less, kind nature engages
infants at the breast by the pleasure they find in the motion of their
little mouths and cheeks, to extract the milky stream prepar'd for
their nourishment.

But still there was no end of his vigour: this double discharge
had so far from extinguish'd his desires, for that time, that it had not
even calm'd them; and at his age, desires are power.  He was
proceeding then amazingly to push it to a third triumph, still
without uncasing, if a tenderness, natural to true love, had not
inspir'd me with self-denial enough to spare, and not overstrain
him: and accordingly, entreating him to give himself and me
quarter, I obtain'd, at length, a short suspension of arms, but not
before he had exultingly satisfy'd me that he gave out standing.

The remainder of the night, with what we borrow'd upon the
day, we employ'd with unweary'd fervour in celebrating thus the
festival of our re-meeting; and got up pretty late in the morning,
gay, brisk and alert, though rest had been a stranger to us: but the
pleasures of love had been to us, what the joy of victory is to an
army; repose, refreshment, everything.

The journey into the country being now entirely out of the
question, and orders having been given over-night for turning the
horses' heads towards London, we left the inn as soon as we had
breakfasted, not without a liberal distribution of the tokens of my
grateful sense of the happiness I had met with in it.

Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and my companion
in a chaise hir'd purposely for them, to leave us the conveniency of a
tete-a-tete.

Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was tolerably
compos'd, I had command enough to head to break properly to him
the course of life that the consequence of my separation from him
had driven me into: which, at the same time that he tenderly
deplor'd with me, he was the less shocked at; as, on reflecting how
he had left me circumstanc'd, he could not be entirely unprepar'd
for it.

But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and with that
sincerity which, from me to him, was so much a nature in me, I
begg'd of him his acceptance of it, on his own terms.  I should
appear to you perhaps too partial to my passion, were I to attempt
the doing his delicacy justice.  I shall content myself then with
assuring you, that after his flatly refusing the unreserv'd,
unconditional donation that I long persecuted him in vain to accept,
it was at length, in obedience to his serious commands (for I stood
out unaffectedly, till he exerted the sovereign authority which love
had given him over me), that I yielded my consent to waive the
remonstrance I did not fail of making strongly to him, against his
degrading himself, and incurring the reflection, however unjust, of
having, for respects of fortune, barter'd his honour for infamy and
prostitution, in making one his wife, who thought herself too much
honour'd in being but his mistress.

The plea of love then over-ruling all objections, Charles, entirely
won with the merit of my sentiments for him, which he could not
but read the sincerity of in a heart ever open to him, oblig'd me to
receive his hand, by which means I was in pass, among other
innumerable blessings, to bestow a legal parentage on those fine
children you have seen by this happiest of matches.

Thus at length, I got snug into port, where, in the bosom of
virtue, I gather'd the only uncorrupt sweets: where, looking back on
the course of vice I had run, and comparing its infamous
blandishments with the infinitely superior joys of innocence, I could
not help pitying, even in point of taste, those who, immers'd in
gross sensuality, are insensible to the so delicate charms of VIRTUE,
than which even PLEASURE has not a greater friend, nor than VICE
a greater enemy.  Thus temperance makes men lords over those
pleasures that intemperance enslaves them to: the one, parent of
health, vigour, fertility, cheerfulness, and every other desirable
good of life; the other, of diseases, debility, barrenness, self-
loathing, with only every evil incident to human nature.

You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, extracted from
me by the force of truth, resulting from compar'd experiences: you
think it, no doubt, out of place, out of character; possibly too you
may look on it as the paltry finesse of one who seeks to mask a
devotee to Vice under a rag of a veil, impudently smuggled from
the shrine of Virtue: just as if one was to fancy one's self compleatly
disguised at a masquerade, with no other change of dress than
turning one's shoes into slippers; or, as if a writer should think to
shield a treasonable libel, by concluding it with a formal prayer for
the King.  But, independent of my flattering myself that you have a
juster opinion of my sense and sincerity, give me leave to represent
to you, that such a supposition is even more injurious to Virtue than
to me: since, consistently with candour and good-nature, it can have
no foundation but in the falsest of fears, that its pleasures cannot
stand in comparison with those of Vice; but let truth dare to hold it
up in its most alluring light: then mark, how spurious, how low of
taste, how comparatively inferior its joys are to those which Virtue
gives sanction to, and whose sentiments are not above making even
a sauce for the senses, but a sauce of the highest relish; whilst Vices
are the harpies that infect and foul the feast.  The paths of Vice are
sometimes strew'd with roses, but then they are for ever infamous
for many a thorn, for many a canker-worm: those of Virtue are
strew'd with roses purely, and those eternally unfading ones.

If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectly consistent
in the incense I burn to Virtue.  If I have painted Vice in all its gayest
colours, if I have deck'd it with flowers, it has been solely in order to
make the worthier, the solemner sacrifice of it, to Virtue.

You know Mr.  C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth, and
good sense: can you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at least of him,
when anxious for his son's morals, with a view to form him to
virtue, and inspire him with a fix'd, a rational contempt for vice, he
condescended to be his master of the ceremonies, and led him by
the hand thro' the most noted bawdy-houses in town, where he took
care he should be familiarized with all those scenes of debauchery,
so fit to nauseate a good taste? The experiment, you will cry, is
dangerous.  True, on a fool: but are fools worth so much attention?

I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think candidly of me,
and believe me ever,         MADAM,

Yours, etc., etc., etc.,

THE END






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