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Subject: {ASSM} XENA: HOOVES AND HARLOTS In PornoVision By Mkarl
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Copyright (C) 1999, mkarl. ALL Rights Reserved
This story may not be reproduced in any form for profit or on another website
without the written permission of the author. The author may be contacted by
writing mrdouble@mrdouble.com or mrdouble@ix.netcom.com.
Original posting date:
Monday PM, August 23, 1999
A Resident Author story from MrDouble's archive,
Filename: xena.txt
http://www.mrdouble.com
XENA: HOOVES AND HARLOTS In PornoVision
By mkarl
Okay, Xena, Warrior Princess, fighter of evil and righter of wrongs, tuff
girl, but really, in the real world we just know what would be done to the
bitch when she loses the battle.
I don't watch the show myself as I actually have a little taste, but the
odd advertisement I have seen lets me know that this program could be made a
hell of a lot more interesting with some very simple alterations to the plot
line and the sex quotient.
Okay here is the basic pre-pornovision story line, Xena [played by
starlet Lucy Lawless] and a friend get caught up in a contrived little plot
complication where a group of amazons are being maneuvered into a battel with a
group of centaurs by an evil warlord. Of course, Xena sees through everything,
kicks some ass and saves the day. [Great entertainment if you are twelve years
old or just desperate for some T&A, but I think a touch of PornoVision can
really spark this dead horse up.]
The rewrite starts where Xena goes looking for the centaurs who she has
been told are evil, She is not too sure but this time the warrior-bitch is
wrong.
Centaur 1: Heeiggh [horse sound as he gallops out from behind the tree.]
Centaur 2: Take the amazon cunt.
Centaur 3: Quickly brothers.
[Xena is quickly surrounded by these fairly realistic looking centaurs. Hell
for the purpose of this fantasy, let us assume that they are real centaurs. Now
the warrior princess does one of those phony jumps and clears the heard.]
Xena: What is the meaning of this? I come in piece.
Centaur 2: And you will leave in pieces amazon bitch. [He swings at her with a
mace, which she just barely ducks.]
Xena: I know that you did not kill the amazon princess. Listen to me. Take me
to your leader Tyldus. He knows me well.
[Okay revisionist history time.]
Centaur 1: Tyldus is dead bitch. He was old and week and I ate his heart. Now
we centaurs will enslave you amazon bitches to be our breeding stock.
[Xena draws her sword or those stupid ring things and does some phony looking
fighting with the three horny centaurs. Ideally, I would like their cocks
beginning to show to kind of keep the viewers tuned in because the fight scenes
are just normally pure crap from the few seconds of the series I have been
forced to endure. Still fan boys need their fix too so imagine the
warrior-bitch kicking some horse's ass for half a segment or so and doing some
of those stupid screams and phony jumps.]
Centaur 4: We are coming brothers [.not yet your not big guy, but considering
that you are just one of a couple dozen new entries into the battle, you most
assuredly soon will be.]
Xena: [breaking character] oh fuck. Nooo!
[Centaurs all swarm on the warrior bitch until she disappears in a sea of
horsemanity. Perhaps the camera can pick up pieces of the tacky outfit as they
come flying out of the pile until the big horse's asses start to clear away and
we are left with a battered and beaten, naked Xena being held suspended in
midair by Centaur 1 as he rears back onto his hind legs and lets his twenty
plus inches of horse cock dominate the screen. Now if that is not a good enough
scene to hold an audience through a commercial break, I don't know what would
be.]
[Following the commercial break, the action has moved back to the base camp of
the Centaurs. There are a few hundred of the horny animals but most will need
to wait until episode two when they overrun the amazon encampment before they
get their release. Xena is bound and gagged which is always a nice sight but
seeing the obvious beating she has received to bruise up her hard body makes
the average pervert be happy for the long lasting effectiveness of videotape
recordings. The camera can stay on our totally defeated Xena as she softly sobs
into her gag until Centaur number 2 breaks the silence.]
Centaur 2: You cut me today bitch. Centaur 1 said we must wait but you are
getting raped now.
Xena: [Into her gag] Mmmrgpnooo
[Actually, I am keeping the dialogue purposely light at the honest truth is
that when you mix a pail of ice cream with a pail of pig shit, all you get is
two pails of pig shit. Even my writing can't save the dialogue component of
Xena unless the whole show was recast. Now I personally think that spending the
extra money to hire real centaurs would be a great touch, but while I am sure
that such mythological creatures would have huge cocks and be able to totally
fuck up miss Lawless, I doubt that they would be able to act any more
Shakespearean then the group of community theater players the show normally
employs. Therefore, the less talking and more fucking I write into the script,
the more I am sure everyone will enjoy the final product.]
Centaur 173 [I really should name these animal-men but the numbers seem
stupider] I get to sire her second foul.
Centaur 2: Of course, [A horse is a horse of course, of course. Sorry. I
digress] now keep alert while I service this amazon cunt.
[Okay, if the show is lucky enough to have a real centaur, then I envision Xena
being cut loose for use. The bitch obviously tries to save herself and gives us
an excuse for some gratuitous male on female violence. Centaur smashes bitch.
Centaur smashes bitch again. Centaur takes bitch by the hair and lifts her up
to smush a kiss to warrior-bitches mouth.]
Xena: I will cut your heart out.
Centaur 2: Not tonight bitch, now service me cunt.
[centaur pushes the naked Xena down to her knees and jumps up with his fore
legs up on a bail or something so his huge horse cock can be at Xena's mouth.
Now if the production is using fake centaurs, I see a computer animated thing
happening here where the Centaur can use a horse paw [hoof?] to like push
[pull?] at Xena's head to force her to start sucking horse cock. If we have the
preferred option of a real flesh and blood centaur then I guess maybe the
man/horse should like jump up and down [stamp?] on the bitch until it looks
like she is half dead or something. Maybe the animal is flexible enough to
reach down and use his human hands to hold the bitch while he chokes her on his
huge horse cock? I have never even seen a straight horse rape a human before so
forgive me if I need to offer a few alternatives as to what might come off
looking the best. I see Xena sucking the big horse's cock with a camera
close-up though.]
Xena: [Substitute tacky cock-sucking and gagging noises here]
Centaur 2: [Substitute horse breeding and heavy snorting sounds here]
Centaur 173: Suck centaur cock, harlot.
Centaur 2: [Whinnying] take my give warrior-whore.
[Real centaur has real cum shot into Xena's face. Horses cum a lot and I
imagine that her facial features should get totally obliterated in a thick,
sticky splash of the slimy spunk. I would like to play up the humiliation of
Xena's oral violation and have the centaur begin his cum in her mouth before
pulling out to let her start to choke and spit to show that she had been nearly
drowned in the foul foal-making seed of the centaur's huge fuck stick. The
centaur should still have plenty of love juice to just soak the beaten and
thoroughly defeated warrior princess. Everyone loves a girl getting her face
soaked by a big horse's cock.
Fake centaur could be substituted for by a real horse for this scene or some
sort of life size model. I do think real horse's cum should be used to soak
Lucy Lawless for authenticity's sake.
Anyhow, celebrate the money shot and I guess that is where episode I of the two
parter would be ending.]
XENA: ALL THE KINGS HORSES In PornoVision
Okay, I see Centaur 1 finding the totally fucked Xena screwed to within an inch
of her life. The big horse/man is furious as he wanted her to mare for his line
of thoroughbreds. Xena can look like she is lying in a puddle of horse's sperm.
Camera close-up shows it running down her very battered looking and totally
obviously fucked pussy. The big Centaur just lifts a leg and pisses down onto
her face to show his disgust what a filthy slut she was.
[The fuck scene does not get included so the series can market one of those
bull shit hove video offers like Jerry Springer's Too Hot for TV, or the
Highlander European editions. Just assume that Xena really got the fuck pounded
out of her with a 600-900 pound animal riding her ass and fucking twenty plus
inches of horse cock into a cunt made for half that. If you need a more
disgusting description of horse sex, read on and maybe Argo will get his
mistress too.]
Centaur 2: The amazon bitch seems to have found a lover.
Centaur 1: She was to be mine.
Centaur 2: Obviously the bitch was in season. If you were not horse enough to
smell her heat then that is your loss.
Centaur 1: [Raising his mace] No one defies me.
[Centaur 69 fires an arrow through the heart of centaur 1 from behind]
Centaur 1: [Dying noise]
Centaur 2: So ends the reign of the unimaginative Clydesdale. Gather your maces
brothers as there will be human cunt for all when we conquer the amazon harlots
this day.
All Centaurs: [Crowd noises and cheers]
[Commercial break followed by a plot slow down of some sort of bull shit scene
at the amazon encampment. maybe some hot lesbian thing or just a sexy little
cat fight to build the anticipation.
Centaurs are filmed marching and the defeated and destroyed Xena is brought
along for the ride. Bound on her horse Argo. The great stallion carries his
once proud mistress now, but he will soon be the one doing the riding of her
hot ass. [shameless tease]
Xena: [Into her gag] mrrrgh. [boy her dialogue from my scripts has been the
best delivered of any acting she has ever done so far by the beauty actress.]
Centaur 53: [Is anyone actually keeping track?] Quiet amazon whore. Soon all
your sisters will be ours'. [Yup.]
[Okay the camera does a mood shot of the horse/men surrounding the amazon base.
Some scary/suspenseful type music plays/and we cut out to another commercial]
PornoVision is brought to you exclusively by mkarl Internet Pornographer
Services: a division of the mkarl family of erotic literature licenses. For
information on how to find the complete works of mkarl as well as to just
correspond on any of the fine product releases of mkarl or The Depraved Canuck,
writemkarl@hotmail.com. That was writemkarl@hotmail.com, all mails welcomed and
replied to.
[Okay, shameless plug inserted. Now for the payoff battel. Centaurs rush the
amazons. Half-naked warrior bitches everywhere are scurrying around trying to
find weapons. The Centaurs are striking them down with maces which you would
think should be splitting their heads open, but this is a fantasy show so lets
just have the girls getting erotically if horrifically knocked unconscious for
their eventual defeats. For the sicko's in the audience. Lets have the battle
last a good ten minutes so we can get lots of action of girls getting the fuck
beat out of them. Some horses jumping on bitches. Some sex started maybe.
Amazon harlots getting dragged off by the hair. Etc. Etc.]
Centaur 2: [Dragging the totally fucked and devastated Xena into the midst of
defeated amazons] Now we celebrate.
[Final commercial break. scene returns and there is just like a half hour of
every form of gratuitous rape and violence and total sex that you can imagine
between centaurs and amazons. Girls get huge horse cocks gagged down their
throats. Rammed up their asses. And breeded in their fertile cunts. Often all
three methods occur simultaneously. [okay, I don't know if that is mechanically
possible, but it is a great image so just picture it.]
Girls scream and shriek as horses neigh and whinny. Pretty clear on the winners
and losers. This all carries on until it gets ridiculous and then the camera
breaks to our Xena who has had her restraints removed and is in a tent with
centaur 2 and Argo [her stallion.]
Centaur 2: You will make a fine mare for my foals. You still need to learn your
proper place bitch. The horse in us makes us superior to you. For too long has
this beast been forced to bare your burden but now you will bare his.
Xena: Ugggghhh [as the horse jumps his full weight on her back.]
[Argo comes down with a hoof on Xena, driving the poor bitch straight into the
ground. He jumps again and lands his front hooves on some straw bales so he
will not break Xena's [Lucy Lawless's] back. The horse gets his huge, ugly,
slimy horse cock fucked hard into Xena's warrior-cunt. The horse flares his
nostrils and just gets medieval on screwing the bitch into oblivion. Don't know
if she survives and don't really care. I guess you can assume she does and
delivers the first of many champion foals some several months later. The show
is effectively unable to really film any new story lines but I think a straight
to home video of Lucy foaling would be sick enough to back a bundle on the
black-market porn industry.
Anyhow, That is about all I can manage for a crappy show that I can't
watch and can't really care about. If the television adventures of Xena ever
take her into an encounter with the minotaur, let me know as that is one thing
I could really have some fun with.]
You can contact the author with your praise or critiques at write:
mkarl@hotmail.com I really am almost as twisted as my writing makes me seem and
find it fun to correspond with others of similar spirits.
Mkarl
The Depraved Canuck
August 23/1999
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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