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From: Tony <girl_luvr@MailAndNews.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Repost story please
Date: Sat, 3 Jun 2000 02:11:30 -0400
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Hi
It has been pointed out to me that some errors had crept into a story I posted
some time ago
Would you please replace the copies with these.
Thanks Tony
<1st attachment, "Confessions of a Young Pedophile p1.txt" begin>
Confessions of a Young Pedophile. (An autobiography)
This story is sort of personal confession and I was prompted to write it
when a friend whom I talk to over the Internet, expressed some interest
in my past. This is only my second attempt at writing so I would
appreciate any feedback, good or bad.
My first attempt was pure fiction (STRANGE MEETING.TXT)
whereas here, the events are I am to describe are factually true events
that occurred 50+ years ago and continuing for approximately 14
years. They involve sexual activities between pre-teen young girls and
myself. These occurred as close as my memory allows, and because of
their nature, should not be read by the overly sensitive, where it is
legally or morally forbidden, or anyone under the legal age. Feel free
to use the story for your own pleasure, or re post it as-is with no
changes as long as you include this header. You may not use it to
benefit yourself or anyone else financially.
Please send comments to: girl_luvr@mailandnews.com
-------------------------------------------------------------------
This is Part 1 of 2
Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION
Perhaps I should start by telling a little more about myself. I am
married and have 2 adult children who live their own lives in other
cities. I am of average, white, male and aged 60. I am 5` 9 <<" tall,
and weigh in at about 180 odd pounds. I have the typical male waist
problem of my age, have all my hair, and my mind (hopefully) is still
mainly intact.
As regards to the events that I am to portray, for obvious reasons, my
memory is vague about the exact age I was when the earliest events
occurred. When I first began to think back to these episodes of my
youth, the details emerged slowly over a period of months and were
fascinating to remember. Each time I mentally ran through the
sequence of events, I remembered more detail and often one thing
would trigger a memory of another. Finally it occurred to me that I
should record it somewhere and this is the result.
I have had to make some age approximations but this does not detract
from the accuracy of the events, and for obvious reasons you will also
find that more details are available for the later occasions. As I was
older, as my memory of the events is a little better.
Chapter 2. THE EARLY YEARS
I was born 1939 as the eldest of a family of three boys and these events
occurred between about 1946 and 1960. My mother was young, and I
suspect, very immature. My father was a hard worker but also was an
alcoholic and as he was rarely home, had very little effect on my life.
At that time, sex was a subject that was never mentioned and the one
time I can remember asking where babies came from, I was told that
they were found under cabbages in the garden. (I suspect many from
that era will relate to that)
Sometime around the age of five during my first year at school,
something happened which made a profound impression on me. I was
playing at the far end of the school grounds during lunch recess, when
I saw six older boys form a circle around a girl of about 7 or 8 and take
her behind some trees. She was forced to the ground and while two
boys held her down by the shoulders, others lifted her dress, pulled her
panties down around ankles and then stood around laughing and
making ribald comments.
I still remember this vividly, as it was the first time I had seen a girl
without panties. I remember little of what she looked like, but what
did affect me, was that she was crying and calling out for help and I
can remember feeling very sorry for her. After watching for a few
minutes, I was so upset that I ran away, and as I moved to another
school the following year, I never did find out what happened over it.
What effect this had on my psychological make-up at such a tender age
is a matter of conjecture. All I can say that the events of that day are
still vivid, and stay with me now more than 55 years later. If it
affected me that much as a bystander, I have often wondered what
effect it had on the poor girl.
Apart from that, girls never figured much in my thoughts until I was
somewhere about the age of seven when my mother had some visitors
from another city stay with us. It was bath time and my younger
brothers had been put to bed so it was my turn for the bath. Suddenly
the door opened and our visitor came in with her 6-year old daughter.
She undressed her and placed her in the opposite end of the bath and
left us there. Suddenly I realized that girls were different and
"something" was missing. I could hardly keep my eyes of her groin
and because of the "cut" there, I seem to remember wondering if there
had been an accident, and her "cock" had been cut off. I was dying to
know what had happened to her and was quite disappointed when her
mother returned, bathed and dried her, then wrapped her in the Towel
and left to dress her for bed. Thinking back, it was about here that my
obsession with the cute little hairless slit between girl's legs started
although at that time I was totally unaware of where it would lead me.
I thought no more of this until some months later. I am unsure of the
exact age I was, but it was probably somewhere around my eighth
birthday. This particular day my brother's and I were playing with a
group of neighborhood children in a nearby empty lot. After about an
hour everyone left except one girl and myself. We decided to play
hide and seek in a large stand of trees. I suddenly remembered the
earlier experience and, as we could not be seen, decided to try and see
what she looked like. I made the casual suggestion that she may like to
play "Mothers and Fathers". She seemed quite agreeable so we found
a small clearing in the trees where we were able to kneel down and not
be seen. Within seconds she had lifted her dress and pulled down her
panties while I opened my shorts.
I was fascinated to see she was also missing a penis and I investigated
this in great detail, to which she seemed to derive some pleasure. I
realized that this must be the way ALL girls were made and wondered
how she managed to "pee" without a penis. To my great
disappointment, we had to cut the game short when we heard her
mother calling her for dinner. I wanted to continue a few days later but
she never agreed to this again. She came from a family of three sisters
and yet was not at all surprised at seeing my very immature
"equipment". That brief encounter piqued my interest and I decided
to follow the interesting question about "peeing" the first opportunity
that arose and this was the time when my active interest in
investigating and fondling the genitals of young girls started.
In the street behind where we lived was a small inner city park called
"Hamilton Square". It is a square grassed area in the middle of a
residential housing area and had about 20 large, very old trees and a lot
of smaller bushes. The square had been provided with a Band
Rotunda; public men's and women's toilets; and children's
playground. It's main use was as a practice area by local brass bands
which were very popular back then, but of course was also used as a
recreational area by local families and by all the local children as a
playground.
Almost opposite the square lived a family with 12 children and I used
to particularly friendly with one boy from this large family. When I
used to call at his house, if he was not home I would sometimes play
with his other sisters or brothers. Also in the family were twin girls
who at that stage were only slightly younger than I was. They were
not identical twins as one was blond and the other was somewhat
darker. One day I happened to find myself alone on the Rotunda with
the blond twin. I started to make suggestions and I found that with
only a very minor amount of coaxing, she allowed me to put my hand
under her dress and touch her genitals through her panties.
Of course I wanted more, so I asked her if she liked it and as she said
`yes", I persuaded her to follow me across the park to the nearby men's
toilet. Because of the position on the edge of the square, they were
very close to houses across the street, so for privacy the council had
apparently placed the door at the rear and then provided additional
privacy by shielding it with a group of trees and bushes. Something I
might add that would never be done these days. This toilet was
perfect for my activities and I made continued use of it over the years
that followed.
We walked over and stood behind the bushes so that we could not be
seen from the park side. After I checked the toilet and made sure it
was empty, she followed me into a cubicle and after I shut the door,
she allowed me to take off her panties. As she was quite a small girl
for her age, I helped her up to stand on the seat of the toilet. This
placed her at a much better height and I was able to have a marvelous
time inspecting and playing with her very pretty young genitals. At
that young age I had no idea that girls had a Vagina so my activities
were limited to me rubbing my fingers up and down her "slit". I also
opening it to see what was inside and I think this was the first time that
I actively realized that there was a tiny bump in there. I can remember
wondering if it was a penis that had not grown fully. I showed her my
penis, and after seeing it that first day, she seemed quite interested and
on later occasions sometimes she would ask to hold it to see it grow
larger. (Only a slight amount at that young age of course)
I was very keen to repeat this delightful time and looked for her after
school, but every time I saw her, she was with other children. Much to
my frustration, I did not see her alone for about 2 weeks. Then one
afternoon as I was walking home from school, she came out of the gate
alongside me. I asked if she would like to come to the square and play
afterwards. She told me she had to clean her room but would be there
after that. I did some of my homework then went to the square and
waited for her.
I began to think she was not coming when she walked around the
corner and to my surprise walked toward the men's toilet instead of
toward me. We met behind it and I asked if she wanted to go in. She
said "yes" so I made sure that the building was empty, and as there was
nobody near, we sneaked into a cubicle. I turned around to lock the
door and when I turned back, to my delight she had already taken off
her shorts and was removing her panties. Again I helped her to climb
up on the seat and this time when I started to touch her gently, she took
hold of my wrist with both her hands and pressed my hand harder into
her groin. Of course I cooperated and she seemed to get quite excited
by it and I have to confess that I was in seventh heaven. I did manage
to persuade her to play with my penis but she really seemed to prefer
me touching her.
After that occasion, whenever we met, she always wanted me to "play"
with her, regardless of where we were, or what we were doing. Her
enthusiasm was such that at times it caused a near disaster and in fact, I
can remember one occasion I went to see her older brother at their
home and happened to meet her in her father's garage/workshop. Her
father was working in a room only few feet away, but before I realized
what was happening, she had lifted her dress and was going to remove
her panties. I was fortunately able to stop her or I may have been in
serious trouble.
This pretty young girl was most unusual in that she seemed to derive a
huge amount of pleasure from our juvenile sexual contacts. I don't
think she ever had an orgasm but she certainly seemed to enjoy the
contact. I have to say that I don't remember any other girl since who
derived so much enjoyment from my "activities. These contacts
continued for most of that year and I managed to find an opportunity
every week or so to take her to the Toilet or into a nearby clump of
trees that provided some privacy. At times she would come and seek
me out and on the rare occasion when I was not free she seemed quite
disappointed. Regrettably after about 10 months, she suddenly lost
interest and no longer wanted to play my "games".
I was totally devastated at loosing that playmate, so I set out to try and
interest her twin sister. One afternoon my parents and two brothers
were away for the day and as I was home alone, so I walked around the
corner and invited back to my house to play. She came a little later
and I we played for a while until I eventually I "popped the question".
To my great disappointment I found that unlike her twin sister, she was
not the slightest bit interested, despite my best efforts to get her to
cooperate. I tried all sorts of inducements, but the only thing she
would permit in the end was to briefly touch her genitals through her
panties. I never did understand why one sister was so agreeable when
the other was not.
I have vague recollections that there were quite a number of minor
incidents after this that I cannot recall in detail, but the next major
event that I can remember was when I was about 9 or 10 when I went
to visit a friend after school.
At this point, I will apologize in advance if the following description
seems a bit clinical but it is this very thing that makes it remain so
vividly in my memory.
Arriving at my friend's house, I was met at the door by a very excited
boy who told that he and his older sister (who was probably about 13
or 14) had been playing "Doctors & Nurses" and that he had just found
that his sister had two holes. I was most interested and as we went to
his bedroom and as I walked through the door, I was very totally
surprised to see that I was looking at his sisters exposed genitals only 6
feet away. She was completely naked, and was lying sideways on the
bed with her knees drawn up and her legs spread very widely apart.
This allowed excellent access and enabled us to examine her genitals
in greater detail that any girl I had seen before.
We stood beside the bed and had a marvelous time with our noses
almost in her Vagina inspecting it in very minute detail. The thing I
noticed immediately and can remember most vividly was that this
strange unexplained "hole" was extremely wet. We still had no idea
what this hole was for, but we took turns playing with her. I got a
huge amount of enjoyment from rubbing her "slit", and inserting our
finger's in her "hole", although one finger at a time was all she would
allow. I would tickle her "bump" with my finger while my friend
would work his finger in and out of this "hole" then we would swap
over. I must have been very sexually excited but I cannot remember
what I did about it, nor can I remember if she climaxed or not. After
about 40 minutes she wanted to go to the toilet and to our huge
disappointment she came back dressed so our fun was over.
On several later occasions her brother and I tried to persuade her to
repeat the experience but to no avail. About 6 months later they
moved to another part of town and I lost touch with them.
COMMENT: In those years, few children had any knowledge of the
names for the parts of the female genitals and I had certainly never
heard of a Hymen. The overriding memory I have is that, to my young
eyes her "hole" (Vagina) seemed huge, and I presume that if she had
ever had a hymen, somewhere she had lost it. Her brother and I were
able to see deep inside her Vagina and insert a finger with no
resistance at all. My main overriding memory of this was that her
Vagina was VERY wet and as her tummy rose and fell as she breathed,
her Vagina blew little bubbles. This may sound odd I know, but it is
these odd things are what memories are made of.
That occasion was also unusual as it had a number of things that made
its memory stay with me in vivid detail. It was the only occasion
where someone else started it. The first occasion that I participated
with another boy. The first time I had seen a girl totally naked. The
first girl I had seen that was starting to develop, as she had small
breasts with little bit of pale, soft pubic hair. The only girl I met where
her clitoris protruded (slightly) from her labia, which I found most
fascinating, and lastly she was the first girl that allowed me to insert a
finger in her Vagina.
Chapter 3. MID CHILDHOOD
Over the fifteen-year time period that I talk about here, there have been
many dozens of occasions where I had relations with young girls.
Most were a single brief encounter, but each of these described here
had something unusual about them that made them stay in my memory
while the rest are just vague shadows. However, all followed a similar
pattern. I would meet a girl somewhere and something about her
would make me think she may be amenable. I would very carefully
make suggestions and, if agreeable find a secluded location (often,
public toilets or within dense clumps of bushes) and pull down her
panties. I would then fondle her genitals and she may (or may not) do
the same to me, although I don't ever remember masturbating in front
of a girl until much later. We would part and more often than not, I
would never see her again
I find it interesting to recall how easy some girls were to persuade to
participate in my "games" and how difficult (or impossible) others
were. Thinking back, it seems that I must have been the local
neighborhood "Sex fiend". My two brothers never showed any such
tendency that I was aware of, and I frequently wonder what made me
the way I am. At one time or another I must have tried to have my
"way" with every girl nearby and while some were successful, most
were not.
About a year after this, our family I went on a 300-mile bus drive to
visit one of my mother's old school friends in another city. This
family had two daughters that had been placed in one bedroom while
my brothers and I share one across the hall. On the second day as my
brothers were playing outside and our parents were busy in another
part of the house, it was not long before I was in their bedroom and
tentatively making suggestions. The older one was not at all
interested, but the younger girl certainly was. I can remember sitting
on her bed, and pulling the crotch of her panties to one side while I
gently rubbed her "slit". While the older sister apparently disapproved,
she still sat on her bad and watched what I did with a great deal of
interest. She never "told on us" which was rather puzzling when I
think about it now.
As the following day was very sunny, the two families went to the
nearby beach. The older sister had a friend with her and as my
brother's were young, they had to stay near the adults and play in the
sand. This meant that the younger girl and I were free to explore. The
beach was a very safe one and as the tide was a long way out, we
walked miles out on the tidal flats to investigate rock pools and
stranded fish. I suddenly realized that we were well out of sight of the
shore and there was nobody nearby. We stopped to investigate a large
rock pool and I asked if she would like to play "doctors" again. She
happily lay on the sand and spread her legs wide apart. I was able to
pull the crutch of her swimsuit to one side and had a delightful time
playing with her genitals, which she again seemed to enjoy.
I suddenly remembered my puzzlement about how girls were able to
pee without a penis so asked if she could show me. After all, we were
already wet and there was only sand under us. She said, "You do it
first then I will". I was able to pee to show her how boys "did it",
while she sat in the sand and watched me with considerable interest.
Her turn came so she squatted while I held the material of her swimsuit
to one side and within a few minutes, was able to oblige. Regrettably
because she squatting and the swimsuit was partially in the way, I was
still not able to fully see where the stream of urine came from. It
seemed to be from this mysterious, unexplained hole. I now knew all
girls had this hole and I can remember wondering why it had to be so
big just to pee out of, when the end of my "cock" only had a tiny one.
Much to my disappointment we were unable to be alone for the rest of
our visit, so no further opportunities presented themselves. I can still
remember how frustrated I was, having to return home and leave my
fun playmate behind.
On another occasion about this time I was involved in an interesting
role reversal and this was the only time in my early life where a girl
initiated the activity. Two older girls that I knew slightly lived in a
nearby street said they had something to give me and would I call
around that afternoon after school. I did so and when I got there I was
taken into what was obviously one girl's bedroom. I was told that it
was a surprise, so I was asked to lie on the bed and close my eyes.
Suddenly the older sister held my arms while the younger started to
remove my shorts. I was a bit frightened and started to struggle but to
avail, as they were larger and stronger than I was. When they started
to play with my penis and testicles, I suddenly realized that this was
fun and lay back to enjoy it. With a bit of persuasion on my part, after
a while the older one lifted her dress, removed her panties and allowed
me play with her genitals but would not allow me to insert my finger in
her "hole". She quite well developed and this was my first real
experience of full female pubic hair.
Chapter 4. BECOMING A TEEN
By now I was about 13 and had started masturbating, often 2 or 3 times
a day. As I was older I had more freedom to travel around, and used to
frequent a very large park on the outskirts of town. I should mention
that during my wandering around this park I used to spend
considerable time trying to see up girl's dresses to catch a glimpse of
their panties or trying to see them getting changed. In fact this was
the main reason I used to frequent the area.
Near the main gate of the park was a small swimming pool. I used to
hang out around this area to talk to girls that I met, but few
opportunities were available as this pool was very public with a lot of
people passing.
However about 200 - 300 yards away from the main public pool was a
small, shallow paddling pool used by mothers with young children and
was also used on occasion for paddling by older children. I liked to sit
on the seats nearby because girls would often paddle in the pool and to
do this, the common thing as for them to tuck the hem of their dress
into the legs of their panties giving an almost bloomer like effect.
Because of this I was often able to see their underwear and this gave
me quite a thrill.
Nearby, and fairly secluded by trees, was an old dressing shed
consisting of back to back male and female facilities. Each half
consisted of a changing room and a single toilet cubicle. This cubicle
was roofed, but the changing area was open so there was plenty of
light. These areas were rather dilapidated and I had found a thin
horizontal gap just above head height in the wall between the two
changing areas. When there was nobody around, I was able to stand
on the wooden form and use this gap to view in great detail what was
happening in the other side. However as other boys often used the
changing rooms, I had to constantly be on guard so this option was
frequently not available, and I was in constant danger of being caught.
However these buildings had been built very close to a large hedge and
the rear wall had been sheathed in old corrugated Iron. I suspect like
all town councils, years before when these had been built ours had
saved money by using second hand iron. I had found that when
nobody was looking, I was able to push between the hedge and this
wall and, provided I was very quiet, nobody was ever aware that I was
there. Being used iron, there were quite a few nail holes in the wall so
whenever opportunity permitted, I would sneak between the hedge and
dressing shed and peer through these small holes.
On occasions I used to hide for sometimes up to an hour waiting until
girls came to get changed. I was often successful in seeing girl's that
were partially or completely nude, but as the holes were small my view
was rather limited. However to my young teenage mind this was all
tremendously exciting and I would sometimes wait there for an hour or
more with my heart pounding to get a few minutes glimpse. Once I
saw two girls of about 13 or 14 come in and get undressed and to my
excitement start to hug each other, then gently rub each others small
breasts. This only lasted for a minute as they heard someone coming
and stopped to put their swimsuits on.
Shortly after this I came close to my undoing. I used to talk to girls
that I met and carefully "sound them out", usually with only limited
success. One day I met a girl of probably the same age or a bit
younger than myself. We walked around the park while I talked to her
and eventually sat down on the edge of a small stream running one
end. At this point the stream was about 4 feet lower than the
surrounding park and the lawns sloped down to the stream edge. There
was nobody nearby, while ahead there was only bare lawn. It was over
200 yards to the nearest houses, so we really could not be seen. She
didn't refuse any suggestions that I made so I soon had the crotch of
her panties gently pulled to one side while I played with her clitoris
and vulva.
She seemed almost impassive and strangely didn't seem to either like
or dislike what I was doing. I found this very odd when I thought
about it later, but I was to busy enjoying myself at the time to worry.
She was the only girl that I "played with" that seemed like that. Most
were either definitely "NO" or were very willing and seemed to enjoy
the experience. When we finished I asked her to meet me there the
following day. She agreed and I rode home on my bicycle with great
expectations for the next day.
About an hour later my brother came home and told me a lady was
looking for a boy who had interfered with her daughter. He said that
the description had sounded like me. Of course I denied this and I told
him I had not been near the park. The girl had obviously told her
mother and, as she could not find me, she had told this group of boys
(my brother was one) to tell "the boy" if they found him, that she was
going report him to the school headmaster. I was physically sick with
worry for the next three days but nothing happened. I can only assume
that the parents decided that it was not very serious and elected not to
pursue the matter. However this put a damper on my activities and I
kept well clear of the park for many months. This was very frustrating,
as this had been my favorite happy hunting ground.
I seem to remember that I was about 14 and it was the following
summer when I felt it safe to return to the park, but no opportunities
presented themselves for quite a number of weeks. The next occasion
also occurred at the park and was memorable because it was the only
time I got involved with a boy and girl together and if I remember
correctly, the first time I masturbated in front of a girl.
One day I was near the paddling pool and saw a girl and boy sitting in
one of the many picnic seat seats that were scattered around. These
were made of cast concrete with room for two to sit and had a small
table in front to eat from. In fact, they looked not unlike old-fashioned
school desks. The table had a modesty skirt down the front, which I
always regretted as it concealed any chance of looking up girl's
dresses. As they appeared to be very close and looked as if they were
touching each other, I wandered over and after talking to them for a
few minutes, I asked if they were playing "mothers and fathers". They
said, "No, we aren't", and although I was a bit disappointed, I
continued to chat about school and anything I could think of. I soon
found that the boy was not her brother, but was a friend from next
door. I suppose she may have been about 12 and he could have been a
year or two younger. With my heart beating furiously, after talking to
them a few minutes, I asked if they were interested playing my game
of "mothers & fathers". They looked at each other, hesitated for a few
seconds and then said "yes". I can still remember my heart felt as if it
had jumped into my throat.
Back in those days, the park was on the outskirts of our small town and
because it was very busy that day, I had no idea where to go, so I led
them to the most remote part of the park and a small rear exit. We
rode on our bicycles away from the town where I hoped to find a
secluded spot outside the park. On the road away from the town were
some old fashioned very large, deep drains that were surrounded by
weeds. This gave me an idea and, as one part of the drain looked dry
and accessible I jumped in to have a look. Deciding that it was
suitable, I lifted my bike into the ditch, followed by theirs, and then
helped them down. The drain was 5 feet deep at that point, and as high
weeds surrounded it, cars could pass only 6 feet away and not see a
thing.
This was the first time I had attempted this sort of activity with a boy
present so I was a little cautious. First I said that "to be sure they knew
what we were there for, I would show them inside my trousers". I
pulled the top open and my underpants down and they both looked, but
of course my genitals were only partially visible. I asked if they still
wanted me to remove my trousers. They both said "yes", so I pulled
then and underpants down. Of course by then I had a full erection and
the look on the young girl's face is one I have never forgotten. It was
absolute amazement and I suspect almost a little terror, as her eyes
nearly seemed to pop out. She had obviously never seen an erect penis
before and she could not seem to take her eyes off it.
Having got that far, I asked her young friend to open his trousers so
she was able to see his immature penis, which was quite flaccid. I
reached over and gently started to rub it and made grow a little larger.
I explained that it was smaller and only grew a little bit because he was
a lot younger than I was.
I then asked her to remove her panties but she suddenly went shy and
didn't want to. I started to gently cajole her, saying "it was not very
fair as we had both showed her our penises but she would not show us
her slit". After about 15 minutes of careful persuasion, she finally
agreed to the flip of a coin. Heads - she would do it and tails - we
would leave. I had suggested this as a last resort and promised to abide
by what happened. . With much trepidation I flipped the coin and can I
remember that I was shaking so much that I dropped it and had to try
again. To my enormous relief it came up heads, but even after this she
was still very reluctant, so I tried to think of a way to make it easier for
her. I suggested that she remove her panties but leave her dress down
so we could see nothing until she was ready. She was very hesitant but
in the end did so and pulled her panties completely off while keeping
her dress covering her genitals.
Once we got that far, I suggested that she lift her dress up and down
very quickly. She did this once, and we had a tantalizing glimpse of
her pretty young genitals. I said, "it was easy wasn't it" and praised
her. With a little more prompting, she was persuaded her to do it
again and again, each time holding her dress up a little longer. After a
few minutes of this, she held her dress fully up for us to both to look.
Wanting to go further, I said, "She was kneeling so we were unable to
see her slit properly". (The word `Pussy' had not entered our
vocabulary at that stage). As I had a long overcoat with me, I
suggested that she lie down on that so we could look at her better. I
placed the coat on the ground and, with a little encouragement; she lay
down and parted her legs. I suspect she thought we were just going to
look, but I immediately reached out, pulled her knees apart and
touched her slit. This made her start and she immediately sat up and
closed her legs. I persuaded her that I was not going to hurt her and
eventually she relented and lay down again, and after a few minutes of
very gentle fondling, seemed to quite enjoy the sensations and spread
her legs even further to allow better access.
I asked the younger boy if he wanted to touch her but he said that he
would just watch so my delightful game went on for about 15 or 20
minutes. By then I was getting very uncomfortable so I mentioned that
I could make some "white stuff" come out of my penis and "did they
want to see this happen". They both seemed interested and I
masturbated into my hand. By this stage I was aware that I could get
girls pregnant, and as the intense sexual urges had now subsided, I
suggested that we should stop and leave. Surprisingly she said she did
not want to, and asked me to tickle her genitals again. I was not
prepared to risk touching her in case I still had semen in my fingers, so
I suggested that we meet again the following week, to which she
agreed. We dressed and after making sure no cars were coming, I
helped them out of the ditch and we left and made our own way home.
On the way back, I realized that I did not even know her name
The following Saturday I was full of excitement and rode to that park
as soon as I could get away from my chores. After looking for about
40 minutes, and thinking she was not coming, I found her walking with
a pram. To this day I can still remember my incredibly intense feelings
of disappointment. She told me that she was babysitting her new sister
and her mother had told her to take her baby sister for a walk in the
park. All we were able to do was to sit on the original picnic seat to
talk and with her agreement, I was able to put my hand under her dress
and briefly touch her genitals through her panties. She said she had to
return home and after she had gone I realized that I still didn't know
her name and despite searching the park all summer, I never saw her
again. I often wondered where she is now.
Part 2 to follow
<1st attachment end>
<2nd attachment, "Confessions of a Young Pedophile p2.txt" begin>
This is part 2 of 2
Chapter 5. NEARLY A MAN
When I think back on those years, I am constantly amazed at the
chances I took and how often my activities could have turned into a
disaster. That they didn't, I put down to enormous luck. All I every
asked the girls was something like "You won't tell anyone about our
little secret, will you?" Apart from the one time, they never did. I also
now realize how amazingly naive I was, and to illustrate, here are a
couple of examples.
At about that time a popular type of Girls swimsuit was made of a red
knit material. Perhaps a manufacturer had purchased a bulk line, I
don't know. As most of the girls that I had success with recently had
been wearing this type of swimsuit, I formed the silly theory that the
two went `hand in hand'. I reasoned that if a girl wore that type of
swimsuit, she would be easy. One day I saw a girl dressed like this
and started following her around, looking for an opportunity to talk to
her. Suddenly she stopped and yelled at me that if I didn't stop
following her, she would tell her parents. I can tell you that this
destroyed my fancy theory very quickly.
On another occasion, I used to meet another boy (lets call him "D") at
the park to play. We had done this for many weeks and it was
perfectly normal teenage tomfoolery. One day he turned up with his
sister ("E") who was probably a year younger. She was an absolute
"stunner" and was just starting to develop tiny breasts.
In those days we were able to hire crude heavy two seat boats to use on
the stream. I won't dignify them by calling them canoes, as they were
horribly heavy things made of sheet metal covering a wooden frame. I
had just hired one when "D" and "E" arrived, so I offered to take them
with me one at a time. Of course I took "E" first. The stream was very
busy and there were a lot of people around, so there was nothing I
could do just there. As I paddled, I just casually mentioned that her
dress was very pretty and at the same time moved in my seat and
parted my legs so that it became obvious that I had a large and very
prominent bulge in my swimming trunks.
I could see her taking sideways looks at it and so I hesitantly asked
what color panties she was wearing. She looked at me and after a
second, said "white" then she said, "would you like to see them?". I
couldn't believe my ears and my heart pounded and of course I said
"yes". She slightly lifted and parted her legs and I had a lovely view of
an attractive crotch with a tiny pair of panties showing the outline of
her slit very clearly. I then suggested that perhaps we could meet
without her brother the following day and she agreed to do so.
I returned to shore concealing my erection with great difficulty and
then took her brother out in the boat. To this day I don't know why,
but I told him that I had arranged to meet his sister to play the next
day. On the Sunday I arrived but to my intense disappointment, she
never turned up. Later in the day I was speaking to some friends and
casually mentioned I wonder where "E" was. I was told that she had
got into some trouble with a boy and was not allowed to come to the
park to play. I presume that "D" told his parents for which I never
forgave him. I only ever saw him once after that. We never spoke and
I never saw "E" again.
Having described how naive I was, I should also say that some parents
were as well. I was frequently able to gain access to young girls with
the parent's full permission and even sometimes in the house when
they were there. I don't know if I just looked trustworthy, but take this
example.
Time had passed and I had now started work and had saved enough
money for an old car. We lived in a block of flats and now we had
new neighbors with three daughters. At this stage I was about 17 or 18
and I think that the two older girls were 11 and 12 while the younger
was about 6.
Summer came, and one Saturday morning I told their mother that I was
going to a local river for a swim and "would the girls like to come".
Mrs. X said "y" (the youngest) was too young but the two older ones
could go if they wished. They jumped at the chance so away we drove
off and had a very pleasant morning. I was very cautious and
attempted nothing for several weeks and repeated this trip to the river
each Saturday for the next 6 or 7 weekends while all the time I was
trying to engineer a situation.
One Saturday, to see what the reaction would be, I had prearranged my
underwear so my penis hung down the leg of the shorts that I was
wearing. Of course when I got into my car, I sat so the leg of my
shorts pushed up and allowed the head of my penis to protruded
slightly. After a few minutes they noticed it and giggling, said that
my "THINGY" was showing. I apologized and said that I must have
a hole in my underpants. They seemed to find this very funny and
spent the rest of the 40-minute trip to the river talking and giggling
quietly to each other. I took this to be a good sign and I frantically
wracked my brains for a suitable way to get myself or the girls
undressed by accident. I was a bit older now and more cautious of the
brazen approach that I had used when I was younger. I was 17 and
didn't think "playing Mothers and Fathers" was quite suitable.
Shortly after we arrived that day, I dived in and almost lost my
swimming trunks, which immediately gave me an idea.
Hiding under the water, I loosened the ties and slid them off and, while
keeping under water I hid them in the roots of a protruding tree. My
idea was to pretend that I had lost them, but I would be able to "find"
them later. As it turned out when I returned to retrieve them, they were
not there, as they must have washed out of the tree. Once ready, while
their backs were turned I jumped and made a large splash to attract
their attention. When I came up I called out that I had lost my
swimsuit and would they help me look for them. They came over and
I rushed around pretending to search with one hand cupped over my
genitals.
Of course my hand did not stay there all the time so there were plenty
of chances for the girls to see me naked. In the end I gave up and sat
on the bank with a towel around me. As I was sitting on the bank
hugging my knees so they was ample opportunity for the girls see
under the towel if they wanted to. They kept taking sneak looks at me
and seemed to find it rather amusing, as there were lots of comments
and laughing whenever they looked in my direction.
Twice I said I wanted to swim and cool down so I would go for a very
brief dip on the other side of a clump of overhanging trees, leaving
them in the safer area downstream. I would return to where they were
and resume sitting where they could see me and more importantly, see
my genitals. I went know further and when they finished the
swimming, we dressed and returned home.
I had some "agro" from my mother over the loss of my best swimwear,
but next Saturday we returned to the river with my spare pair. When
we arrived and were going to get changed, I suggested that as it was
shallow, they could swim in the safe spot, but as I had quite enjoyed
being nude the previous week, I would go further upstream and swim
in the nude for a while. They seemed to hesitate so I said "Of course if
you want to join me?" They looked at each other and nodded. So to
make it easier for them, I turned my back, stripped and jumped into the
river while they hesitantly removed their clothes and followed after
me.
Within a few minutes they started to enjoy the experience and week
after week for the rest of the summer we returned to the river to swim
naked. I might add that I was always careful to wet our swimsuits
before we returned home. By this stage I was now more aware that
what I had been doing was wrong so I did nothing and just thoroughly
enjoyed the sight of their lovely young bodies and, when swimming,
playing or our hi-jinks permitted, obtained close up glimpses or
accidentally touch their Genitals. Of course I tried to "engineer" these
situations but all was relatively innocent at that stage.
Summer passed, winter came and went, and now it was the following
summer. I was now 18 and they were 12 and 13 so I once again
suggested they may like to go swimming and of course they agreed.
There was only the slightest hesitancy with stripping the first time and
we continued nude swimming and sunbathing for a few weeks, until
one very hot day my raging hormones got the better of me.
Because of the sun, I suggested rubbing sun lotion on them, so they lay
face down on their towels while I did so. I asked if they wanted to put
some on their front. They asked me to do it and of course I was a
"perfect gentleman" and obliged. My hand lingered passed near their
genitals as I rubbed lotion on their legs and that was it, my good
resolutions were gone, and HAD to go further, so I lay on my towel
asked them to rub lotion on my back.
They knelt on each side of me and the sight of their cute pussies a few
inches from my nose was enough, and I soon had a raging 6" erection.
At that stage they were unable to see it I was lying face down. When it
came to the time to turn over, I hesitated and said that I had a bit of a
problem, and for them to be prepared for a surprise. They looked
puzzled and asked if I was ill. I answered "no" then I turned over.
Their mouths dropped open as they stared at my penis. Of course they
had seen it many times before but obviously not with an erection, so
they asked, "why it has your `THINGY' gone like that?"
I replied that was a difficult question to answer so I started by telling
them that it was called a Penis and when the mans body needed to
make the Penis get hard it just pumped blood into it, like blowing up a
balloon. They seemed to accept that, and of course as I hoped, they
then asked why did it needed to become hard. I explained that to tell
them "Why" it happened, I would have to tell them a bit about the
male and female body. I then said, "Before I explained, there were
two things I wanted then to do to help them understand". I said that it
was important that they knew how hard a Penis got and asked them to
gently squeeze it to see. A little reluctantly they did so and then I
asked them to feel my testicles and tell me what they could feel. They
were still hesitant but in the end did so. I explained what these round
things were called and that I would tell them what they were used for
later.
I explained what the parts were, and what they were for and pointed
out each part of their anatomy and mine. I then asked if they
remembered their mother carrying their youngest sister in her tummy
before she was born. Again they said "yes", so I asked the older sister
to lay down with her legs together and proceeded to trace the outline of
the womb on her stomach while I explained what the womb was for
and that the entrance was between her legs. I asked her to lift and open
her legs and I gently parted her young labia to show her younger sister
what the hole looked like. I then had them change places so the older
one could then see her younger sister's genitals. I gave a simplified
explanation of how man and woman made love and why it was very
necessary for the penis to go very hard so it could be put in the
woman's hole. I also explained that it was the testicles that produced
the "SEED" etc. They said that, "it all sounded funny", but after a
while they seemed to get used to the idea.
I then said that this was the physical part, but that people made love for
enjoyment and that I had forgotten to mention the most enjoyable part
of their body. I asked them to lay down, one on each side of me and
spread their legs apart. I carefully touched their clitoris using one
hand on each. They seemed to enjoy this, and after about 30 minutes
of delightful activity I could contain myself no more so I finished by
masturbating to show them what the "SEED" was like.
The following week the oldest girl was ill and was unable to come with
us. I managed to persuade the younger one to allow a bit of "playing"
with her genitals, which she agreed to, but she refused to touch mine
again. The week after, due to a lot of rain in the mountains the river
was in flood and conditions never improved for the last weeks of the
summer.
The following year the younger girl came out swimming but her older
sibling would not. I suspect she had reached puberty and was very
shy. I took the younger girl probably 6 or 8 times, still nude swimming
but she permitted nothing else. Toward the end of summer, after a gap
of about a month due to river conditions, she suddenly refused to strip
and insisted on wearing her swimsuit all the time.
After much prompting on my part, she admitted that she was growing
hair "down there". I tried very hard to get her to show me, but she
refused and in the end she no longer wanted to come swimming.
Perhaps she disliked my hints, I don't know, but for the balance of that
summer I spent most of the time at the river on my own. These girls
still live in town and have families of their own. I have to confess to
feeling guilty and uncomfortable when I occasionally meet them face
to face, although though this all occurred about 40 years ago.
The final occasion occurred in my 19th year. I was asked to "baby-sit"
for a nearby family. They had two children, a girl of about 12 and a
boy nearly 2 years younger. I had done this on 3 or 4 occasions before
and never attempted anything. I had been told previously that the boy
was to go to bed about 8:30pm, but the daughter could stay up a little
later. Of course being normal siblings, he said it was not fair, so the
daughter been in the habit of going to bed at the same time as him.
She would wait until her younger brother had fallen asleep and then
sneaking out to watch TV with me until about 9:30 or 10:00. On this
occasion I was sitting on the couch and she sat on the other end facing
me and put her feet on my lap and asked me to rub her feet, as they
were itchy. I rubbed them for a while, very gradually moving up to
massage her calves as far as the hem of her nightdress. Up to that
point she seemed to be quite enjoying the attention. I wanted to go
higher so I asked, "was she wearing any panties?" to which she
answered "YES". I said that they were no different to swimsuits and
pushed the hem of her nightdress up past her waist.
She did not seem to be in the slightest bit worried by this so I gradually
started massaging higher until I was able to massage up to her groin,
although I still did not her touch anywhere under her panties. I then
asked if she would like a neck massage and she agreed. I started
massaging her neck, shoulders and down to her waist, which she really
enjoyed. All this took some time and by then it was about 10 o/c. By
then I was starting to get an erection but although her lags lay across
my penis, I was unsure if she felt this or not. As I was rubbing her
upper abdomen, I asked if she would like me to go any lower, but she
said "NO" and a few minutes later said it was about time she went to
bed, leaving me with an erection to deal with in the normal way. I was
never sure if I just misread the sign's, or if she was interested but I
took too long to get to the point and by then it was too late.
About this time I got involved in a group of young men but soon
realized they were into homosexual activities. I found myself on the
receiving end of advances that I found very unpleasant. I was close to
being raped on one occasion but I managed to avoid that by the "skin
of my teeth". On another occasion another teenager and I indulged in
some mutual masturbation but after 2 or 3 times I resisted, as I did not
really enjoy it. I also came to the attention of a couple of old men in
town who used tricks to lure teenage boys to their home to molest
them. I managed to extricate myself from these situations but I really
think it was these events that made me realize the dangers and possible
trauma to the girls of what I was doing. Up to that stage I had justified
it by saying to myself that they were always willing partners and
seemed to enjoy the experience so there was nothing wrong with what
I was doing and they were never hurt. About this time I resolved never
to "do it" again.
Chapter 6. PROLOGUE
Toward the end of summer that year, my trips to the river were nearing
an end (I was always a bit of a loner) when I came across a couple with
three small children sunbathing in the nude. As I was nude also, we
started talking and this finished up with us meeting at the same spot
each weekend. They explained that they were members of a private
nudist group and had just found this location.
Soon our numbers swelled up to 20 at a time as other members joined
us. I thoroughly enjoyed this and the opportunities to view girl's
genitals in complete safety that it presented. Autumn arrived and the
river was no longer an option so we sometimes organized afternoons
and evenings at member's houses. Sometimes dressed, and sometimes
nude.
These were perfectly innocent, just social functions. I found this was a
way to relieve my voyeuristic and exhibitionistic tendencies, and very
frequent masturbation cured the urges. I later officially joined the
naturist movement and spent quite a number of happy years as a
member, able to enjoy the sight of naked girls and woman without any
risk. Within a few years the naturist group had formed a full club with
their own private grounds.
I was quite content over this period and I also started meeting the odd
girl and going to dances. Strangely, when you consider my sexual
activities with young girl's, when it came too teenage women I never
attempted anything. I suspect that I felt I had more control with young
girls, and I was more than a bit intimidated by older ones. I watched
with some jealousy as some of my friends who were much more
mature than I, pick up girls from these dances and go off to their cars
for a short period, knowing full well what they were doing, but never
attempting to do it myself. In fact it was the possibly of getting girls
pregnant that was a major "turn-off for me". However time passed and
I was still a virgin, but eventually at the age of 26 I met the girl who
was later to become my wife. We married when I was 28 and she was
21.
We continued to belong to the Naturist movement as a family, until
one fateful day we let slip our involvement in the naturist club to my
wife's parents. Their reaction was so extreme I had no choice but to
resign. Although I follow the movement with interest and agree with
their ideals, I have never been back as my wife no longer has any
interest and now does not have a great deal of interest in sex. I found
the natural public nudity was of enormous benefit to me and I am
eternally grateful for that.
APPENDIX:
I must emphasize that I NEVER forced any girl to participate. I may
have asked, persuaded, entreated, cajoled or bribed etc but in the end
they were willing participants or not at all. If, after my best efforts,
they were not interested, I never forced them. I did know of boys who
did and some of my school friends would brag how they had screwed
this girl or that. Frankly, for me, my main aim had been for them to
enjoy the experience so I could do it again. If they enjoyed what I did,
they would continue, and I could repeat the experience for weeks or
months, where as forcing them would certainly not achieve this. Also I
was well aware that if I upset them, they would tell their parents and
this was to be avoided at all costs.
Today: It is over 50 years since the start of the described events and at
the present day, here is where I am now.
Sexual Interest: No change. I am a Husband and father and believe it
our not; I have been completely faithful and we eventually had two
healthy children both of who are fully-grown and leading productive
lives of their own. Of course I have fantasies and where necessary, I
relieve the urges with Masturbation and some pornography but my
wife has no knowledge of this.
Voyeurism: No change (it goes with the territory), I still get a real kick
from unexpected glimpses of female genitals, panties etc but that is as
far as it goes or ever will. (Anyway, what normal men don't?).
Occasionally when on holiday I have the chance (with my wife's
knowledge) to frequent a nudist beach. She is not interested but has no
problem with me going.
Exhibitionism: More or less gone. Being nude in the right situation
such as free beaches is now quite enough.
Pedophilia: Once I passed the teenage years, I do not, nor have ever
touched any under-age girls. I suspect that it is like being an alcoholic,
you are never really cured but you are fine provided you are aware that
you have a problem. I still enjoy the sight of young naked girls in
controlled situations but that is as far as it will ever go. I realize what I
was doing was wrong and can now accept what I did, so will never
allow myself to be in a situation where I could loose control.
Here ends my saga.
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