"what is it carlee?" bob was truely concerned. he had enough to worry about though.

"it's nothing bob, just someone trying to scare me." and he really was.

"is there anything that i can do?" he asked.

"thanks, but i can handle it. look, i have some errands to run, make yourself at home and i'll be back later."

"no, i'm afraid that i'm making trouble for you carlee." he said. he wasn't, but i needed to do some things, and i knew that he had to also.

"hold me bob." his arms were very strong, i felt good in them. i kissed him on the cheek and said "have a good life dear friend."

he smiled gently "you too white girl." i felt a tear gathering as he walked down the stairs. i sniffed them back and knew what i had to do. andy was the only one who seemed to know leroy, i would check the store to see if he were in.

i pulled up in front of the store, he was there and it looked like he was alone. i parked, turned off the engine, took the keys out and placed them in my front pocket. upon entering the store, andy said, "that's better." i smiled.

"listen andy, what do you know about leroy? please tell me everything."

"you look like you've just seen a ghost carlee." he observed.

"hasn't been a good day andy, really, it hasn't. now, talk buster." i put on an evil face, well, not excessively evil.

"i just know him from here actually, he mentioned your name once or twice, seems to be fond of you."

"what has he said about me andy?" i asked in desperation.

"only that he remembered you from school, and that you were nice. he pointed you out to me when you were stopped at that light." andy pointed to the traffic light.

"do you know where he lives, where he hangs out, works, anything andy, please."

"i think maybe he lives on st. james, across from the park, like all the gays do; if he works, it must be on the night shift judging from his color, although he never mentioned working. these outrageous gays around here often draw disability checks, believe it or not."

"what do you mean by outrageous andy?"

"oh, you know, the lip stick and nail polish variety, like him, unabashed and exceedingly open." he quietly answered. i really wasn't getting very far with andy, he was cute though, and i had learned a little. "are you familiar with the 'downtowners' bar carlee?" i was not. "it's a rather famous gay bar off of broadway, people come there from all over the world, unlikely people carlee, movie stars, senators all kinds of people. they flock in the first friday in may, for the derby on saturday." this kind of information i really didn't need. "leroy's the floor show on saturday nights." this was a surprise.

"the floor show?"

"the star, you know, the headliner." hmmm

"what the hell does he do?" i asked.

"i'm not into that queer shit, i have no idea, but i do know that he wears an evening gown and they say he's very pretty." god, leroy's over six feet tall and couldn't weigh a hundred pounds, his nose looks like 40 miles of crooked road and his skin is like paste, the last thing i could think of was him being pretty. andy was staring a hole through my work clothes, i suppose that a man would give his very soul to see a girl's boobs, be them nubbins or a d cup. he wasn't making me uncomfortable though.

"hey andy." i interrupted his train of thought, and he snapped back brillantly.

"yeah."

"do you ever go to the races, the trots, at night?"

"oh, sure, the red mile, going after work tonight, you interested?" andy was short and slender; taller than me, and his features were very dark, jet black hair, deep brown eyes, straight white teeth, and kind of fun to talk to.

"wish i could andy, but my dad is coming tonight."

"carlee, i might know this guy who knows leroy pretty well, i could call him after work and maybe i could come by your place after the races, how late is your dad staying?" he asked. my eyes wandered down to the front of andy's pants--hmmmm- he was very interested in me, i had to think about it though; the bulge in his pants looked nice, interesting.

"call me andy and i will let you know, and good luck at the track." i wrote down my phone number. i went home, took a long bubble bath, and chose casual tight green shorts and a yellow tank top with a picture of a cat on it. i put on white socks and did my hair in a pony tail. you could see my bra straps with the tank top, but i would leave the cursed thing on for dad, but i might take it off for andy. mr. gray arrived at 6:30 pm, he was talking to himself and was having trouble unlocking his apartment, he became angry and began kicking the door. i was very quiet; suddenly the phone rang.

"hello"

"do you want rid of him now, or later, my darling?" then he hung up. my ears started to burn, there was no doubt who it was, and there was no doubt that he was close by. i ran to the window and looked toward the phone booth. i saw no one. i sat in the mayflower chair with 60,000 thoughts running through my brain, none were rationally tied together, a hodge podge of useless information. i thought of me in my lobster suite at halloween, years ago, my first bicycle for christmas, dr. craig, loosing my job, bryan, god---i started to cry. damn, golly g-damn, how can a person mess their life up so. the whips and scorns of time should ensure a different effect, but they didn't. i thought of little sidney, then of new jersey; then i felt that i was as mad as gray, i had to find another job. i couldn't let dad see me this upset, i blew my nose and dried my eyes.

i thought about hazel, we were lovers in college, the police woke me sometime after midnight that brisk october evening, they said they needed me to identify a body. ems and police cars were everywhere, i was led out behind the old snell campus where a coroner's deputy pulled a blanket from hazel's remains. raped and sodomized, and strangled to death. she looked so frail and afraid, she looked that away often in life. poor hazel, and it must have been leroy. but why? i heard a knock at the door. i hoped it was dad.

"yes." i asked.

"it's only me carlee." dad's voice. i jumped up and opened the door. he was in full dress uniform, god, how handsome, and how glad i was to see him. i hugged him tightly, how thin he was, i could feel every bone, and how i cherished each one. "whoa girl, don't eat me alive."

"oh daddy, i'm just so glad to see you."

"gosh, you look pretty, little one." he smiled.

"oh, i'll bet you tell all the girls that, soldier." i started to feel really better. he came in and sat on the side of the bed, and sat his brief case down beside him.

"you are a sight for sore eyes, daughter of mine, how did i ever let you leave home." this made me smile.

"it's a long story dad." i answered, with only 20,000 thoughts now. god, he is such a charmer, he always knows the right things to say at the right time.

"how are things carlee, is everything alright?" he asked, with concern in his eyes.

"great dad, couldn't be better." he raised an eye brow at this answer. someone was scratching at my door--i opened it, and a large orange and white cat walked in, as if he owned the place. "ms's manasco's cat russell, meet general william mccord."

"hey fellow." russell jumped up on the bed and dad rubbed his head. "he's very friendly, who's ms manasco?" he asked.

"she's a stri...., a lady, who lived upstairs."

"well, tell her from me that she has a very nice cat. carlee, i can't stay, but i need you to sign a few papers for me."

"what kind of papers dad?" i asked.

"oh, just something relative to my retirement dear, some legal stuff." he was retiring, oh god, he really was, i couldn't believe it.

"what will you do daddy?" "i'm not sure carlee, but i'll do, mikey said something about us opening a marina on ky lake, who knows, but i'm tired baby, 36 years at the same job grows old." he smiled. dad had been talking about retirement for over ten years, i knew he wouldn't take well to not working, and i knew i had to help him all i could. he opened his briefcase and found a form for me to sign. it was a will of a thing, i read it quickly, everything was left to me.

"i don't want to sign dad." i said, almost in tears.

"it's a formality baby, now dry up, who else would i leave my stuff to." i started to cry, i couldn't help it, damn day, loose my job and leroy want's to kill for me and now this, it was too much. dad held me tightly, i knew he didn't understand.

"hey now, why the tears princess, it'll be ok carlee." i couldn't even speak. russell nuzzled me, his nose was cold, i knew i had to straighten up. when i was a little girl, dad use to announce that certain times in our lives represented "the end of an era" it meant that things as we had known them would change, from this day forward. graduation from junior high was one, certainly high school, the death of our dog, and of course mom's demise. he probably didn't even remember saying that, but how vivid in my mind those words were tonight. i knew that dad had been working in the service for many many years, and i felt in my heart that he needed to rest, but, what would happen to him? fear of the unknown. now, be rational carlee, what if i had worked at the tobacco factory thirty years (instead of thirty days) how would retirement seem to me? i really didn't know, but the thought made me laugh a little. gosh, it wasn't the end, maybe it was the beginning of an era. i felt better anyway.

"ok, soldier, where do i sign?"

"carlee,"he smiled, "you shoud have cried only if i left my stuff to major gleena or mikey."

"i'm sorry dad, the whole day's been upsetting to me." i apoliged, and signed the papers. the phone rang.

"hello?"

"say goodnight to your neighbor carlee." then he hung up. i pretended to stay on line, for dad's benefit.

"yes, well, thank you, and i'll see you at work tomorrow." then i hung up.

"a friend carlee?"

"a co-worker dad." i said. i don't think dad really bought that. i was never able to hide much from the colonel, and i knew that he knew that i was tired and scared tonight.

"honey, is there anything i can do?" he asked.

"no dad, i'll be alright, really."

he smiled, "if i didn't know you so well baby.i have to go carlee, but remember, sometimes it's you and me against the world, but we can handle it babe. i love you very much." i threw my arms around him.

"i love you too." i couldn't bare to see him walk down the stairs, but he did, and i watched. god, he was so special, and if he had a clue as to how much i needed him, i would be a cripple. i laid down on the bed, trying to make the tears stop. i felt if the phone rang again, i would scream, maybe i was screaming--in my mind.

"open the god damn door!!!!!" it was gray.

"what do you want?" he was all i needed at this time.

"money!!" he hollared.

"i gave at the office, and besides you'd better be getting the hell out of this building!"

"let me in."

"no"

"please."

"go away grey, just go away."

"leave her alone you son-of-a-bitch!" it was ms. manasco's voice.

"fuck you old lady." he said. "fuck this!" and i heard a sound of metal against metal; a glock, i imagined, maybe she was a secret agent or something, her occupation would never have given her away. "go ahead, shoot, no one cares whether i live or die anyway." he quietly said. i opened my door just in time to see ms. manasco hit grey in the head with a very large revolver, not a glock, but it looked dangerous. blood trickled down grey's face, he was in pain. ms. manasco pointed the gun at him and ordered him back in his room. he made no resistance, his door slammed.

"my dear, we should call the police, that man in dangerous, did he hurt you?" she asked.

"no, no he didn't, but he does bother me." and i thanked her.

"i will call mr. everly when i get back, he owns this building and is ultimately responsible for what goes on. i don't think grey will be bothering you anymore tonight." she smiled, and gently touched my face. god, what a day; i needed a cigarette and a drink, there were two left in the pack, i lit one and inhaled deeply, then started mixing my drink. when i was with bryan, i always had someone to talk to, now, i relished the solitude. i was never lonely nor bored, it will be alright. i opened the window and climbed out on the veranda, sat in a comfortable padded lawn chair and heard the players doing hamlet below and across the street. i had intended on being there for the opening, but tonight, this was ok. i was relaxing, finally.

"oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew." gosh, the plays midway through, i lost track of time.

"speak again bright angel!" hmmm that's not hamlet. i looked down, it was andy.

"do you know the rest good sir?" i chided.

"yes, and macbeth and othello as well."

"ok, i'll beam you up then." i smiled, he felt it. gosh, my bra strap, i quickly maneuvered out of the wretched thing, it was off and away as andy gently rapped on my chamber door.

"hi." i said softly.

"hi to you beautiful." andy looked me over from head to toe."you look nice in shorts carlee." i smiled, i had heard that before, recently. i smiled and motioned him in. i scanned the halls for grey or ms. manasco, neither were present. "nice place, compact." he quickly observed. i laughed.

"indeed, how very astute." we both laughed. "how were the races andy? profitable, i hope."

"i didn't go, got busy working for you."

"you have news andy?" i asked.

"and how, do you have any wine left that you bought the other day?"

"forgive me sir, how unthoughtful of me." i wryly said, and walked to the kitchen area and poured his wine in a plastic glass. "sorry, the crystal hasn't arrived yet, but at least it's not in a mug. last week it would have been."

"i love your smile carlee."andy was so nice, i wanted to know more about him. he sipped the wine. "not bad babe, even if i did sell it to you myself." andy was dressed casually, jeans and a, old blue dress shirt neatly tucked in. we talked about him mostly while we drank our drinks; he was thirty, twice divorced, one child by his first wife, a little girl eight years old. he paid child support regularly, was late twice in nine years. he was a student at the university of louisville by day studying social sciences, and had several part time jobs. he did macbeth in central park last year, a minor part, but he was proud of it.

"now, about leroy." he said. my ears perked up, information about leroy could save lives. "leroy's names is not really leroy." duh---- "that's his stage name at the down towners, but that's what everyone calls him. my friend knows him as l.v. dalton, he went to college with him at western, even roomed with him for a year." dalton, dalton, gosh, i couldn't think of anyone named dalton.

"what is the l.v. for andy?" he didn't know. thinking back, i knew an r.f. and a b.j. but no one else with initials for a name. "did your friend know dalton's major?"

"i didn't think to ask carlee." hmmm, maybe i'll put my bra back on. "he told me that l.v. may have played in a band off campus, and that he was in trouble with the police a lot."

"anything else andy?"

"he had long hair." this was about a dead end, i knew a band guy for philly named seracasantis, and a local called bristall, all the guys had long hair, a dead end--perhaps that was a bad phrase... "can i freshen my drink?" he asked.

"sure, and i'll do mine too andy." we escorted each other to the kitchen area, only five yards from where we were sitting. "compact" i said again. we laughed. andy was so cute, he was quiet and had a quality about him that i liked. he was of little help with leroy's identity, but then, i thought, maybe he came here for a different reason. when we trekked to the living area, i sat in the mayflower chair, jutted my wonderful chest out (which made little difference) and announced that it was awfully bright for the time of night. i knew that was a come-on, and so did he, but i didn't care, i needed contact tonight, i was going on spent. he turned the three lights off that were on, and sat beside me in the mayflower chair.

"god, this is nice carlee." i didn't say anything, and neither did he. i put my arm around him and slipped my shoes off, touching his jeans with my bare foot. he untied his nikes and took them off. foot to foot, felt good. andy wasn't much taller than i was, but his feet were twice as big as mine. i nuzzled his neck, and he responded with a kiss. we held it for a long time, his tongue felt nice on my lips in briefly into my mouth. his hands went to my breasts, my nipples were rock hard. andy took my tank top off about the same time i unzipped his zipper. cats went past my eyes.

"oh, carlee, if you touch me i'll cum." i wondered when the last he'd had was. second wife, '98, maybe. he kneaded my naked breasts and felt of my waist; i was afraid of touching him, in case what he told me was true. he touched my belly button, and lingered there. "can i kiss it carlee?" he asked. i straightened up, and he went down on the floor to his knees. he kissed and licked, ever so gently, ever so nicely, then moved up me to my breasts.

"you are so beautiful carlee, and so soft, and i love the way you taste." that did it, i tugged at his jeans