"you can use that whenever you want sweetie, the keys are hanging up inside, i'll show you." dad said. i stood on the dock, almost comatose, i had always loved the river, this was all simply too much. mikey put his arm around me.

"what do you really think sweetheart?"

"oh, guys, you know what i think, you said you knew when you first saw the house and you were right i guess. i just don't know, and i can't think, i'm numb."

"you think all you want princess." dad said, as he slipped a set of keys into my pocket.

"i have a lot of stuff to do in louisville, it will take a while."

"we understand that carlee, and believe us, there's no rush, we thought that this would be a great place to begin a writing career, you've always talked about that, it just seems so ideal."

mikey took my hand and led me to the boat. "you know how to fly this creature?"

"sure i do." i smugly answered, like anyone could drive it. the motor was inboard. "how many horses?"

"225."

"hmmm. that should get us there in a hurry." i kissed mikey on the cheek. "thanks guy, thanks for moving close to dad, and thanks for being you. mikey smiled and hugged me.

"you ain't chopped liver kid, me and your old man need you a lot too."

"hey down there, before you two get hopelessly romantically involved, the younger one of you has to work tomorrow, and the drive is long."

"alright already william, we give up."

dad showed me where the boat keys were. "the house keys and the key to the out buildings and the lawn mower shed are on the ring i put in your pocket carlee. is there anything else you need?"

"you've got to be kidding dad." i answered. the trip home was pleasant, small talk, not a lot about the house, i was glad.

"bill, how long have you driven this saturn?"

"let me see mikey, four years i suppose, i bought it from colonel mcfarland when he went to bosnia. it's held up good."

"hey carlee, i'll bet your friend cid would like this river, don't you?"

"oh, i don't know dad, she's a lake or a stream fisherman, i don't know if she would relish shad and drum at all, i don't think you use a flyrod much in the river."

"did i tell you what kind of fishing mikey and i are into these days." i was afraid to answer.

"gar, alligator gar, they're really strange princess, and it takes real talent to catch them."

"they have an exoskeleton dad, how do you catch them?"

"tell her mikey, you're the one who found out."

"it took a lot of research carlee, they go through nylon monofilament and spiderwire like it were thread. you use a wire leader in which you make a loop, the hook runs down the top of the loop to the center, their snout goes through the loop first, then when you jerk, the loop closes tightly around it."

"so you actually snag them." i said.

"or rope them." said dad.

"my cowboys." i smiled.

"actually there's a lot of mathematics involved in catching gar, cid might like the challange."

"so she might." i said. when we pulled into the driveway, mr. leisure walked across the street.

"hey ray, what's up?"

"i need to speak with carlee bill, she is with you, right?"

"sure, right here between us." mr. leisure stuck his head through the window.

"carlee, there's a very sick fireman who wants to see you." i knew he meant my old friend joe.

it was after seven, and i was driving mr. leisure and myself to the hospital. mercy health care system is the only complex in owensboro today.

"he's in ccu carlee, his health has been terrible for the past few years, he had a massive heart attack this afternoon, they've called in the whole family. marlene called me a couple of hours ago, she said he was out of his head, and asking for you."

"is he going to make it mr. leisure?" i asked, already knowing the answer.

"well, maybe, maybe you're the shot in the arm he needs. i've spoken with joe maybe three or four times in the past ten years, and he always asks about you." i felt terrible. sexy joe was my friend when i was a teenager, almost like a father, god, i did love him so, i had neglected him for years, i was ashamed. i don't like hospitals, have hated them every since mom died. poor mr. leisure, it was all he could do to walk up the halls. he was wheezing and obviously out of breath.

"can we help you sir?" a receptionist asked."

"we're looking for ccu." he answered.

"take the elevator up to the fifth floor, ask any nurse there."

"thank you so very much."

i only knew one of sexy joe's kids, she was the youngest of four and i believed her name was karen. she was a few years older than me. when we got to ccu, the nurse asks us if we were family. "she is." mr. leisure lied. i could see joe, there was a priest beside him.

"mr. taylor requested last rights, you can see him in just a moment miss."

"carlee." i said. sexy joe looked awful, there was a nonrebreathing mask on his face. i stood silently at the door. i couldn't cry, i just couldn't.

"his 02 sat is 72 %, and his pressure is 70/35 doctor." a nurse said to an older man.

"get a stat blood gas and an ekg. is the dopomine wide open?"

"we're pushing it."

"good." he answered. i felt so helpless, i had to see him. god, he looked so old, and so sick. the priest was sprinkling holy water on joe's head. hey now, he ought to be out there on the tennis court, flirting with tammy, flirting with me, god dammit, this is no good. a technican came past me and took some blood from sexy joe's wrist. the doctor stopped him as he walked out.

"if his pc02 is above 60 mm and his ph below 7.10, bring a ventilator back with you. nurse, what did the echo people say his ejection fraction was?" the nurse looked at his chart.

"18 percent doctor."

"my, god, let's put him on a vent." i walked in the room, no one seemed to notice, the priest was leaving, and i stood his bed. joe wasn't looking at me, he wasn't looking at anything he was looking through things, maybe at a higher power.

"hi there." i said. joe mumbled something. "remember me, friend?" i held his hand as tears rolled down my cheeks. he blinked his eyes, then they rolled toward me.

"carlee." he weakly stammered.

"yeah, it's been a long time joe." i tried to smile at him.

"you look wonderful babe." he could barely talk, but his words were like those of an angel. "i hope you haven't been crying for thirteen years." he said, and forced a smile.

"no sexy joe, you taught me not to do that, you said that i would turn people's heads, remember that joe?"

"i remember that sweetheart." he closed his eyes. oh god. "and i've lived to see that wish come true." he said. i felt arms around my neck, it was marlene.

"so glad you're here carlee." she was crying too. i turned and kissed her. "so very glad."

"listen carlee, i ain't going anywhere yet, i still have to take you squirrel hunting."

"that would be fun joe, i'd love that." his eyes closed again.

"he's so tired honey." marlene said.

"oh, marlene, how i'd like to turn the clock back thirteen years."

"wouldn't we all carlee, wouldn't we all. you know, he talked about taking you hunting a million times i guess, he thought a lot of you carlee."

an alarm, i looked at the heart monitor, he was gone. the technician arrived with the ventilator, and a team of nurses came over.

"call the code!!" the doctor said.

"god beat you to it doc!" i said.

my bed in louisville felt good. i was spent, i cried most of the way home. i needed a drink, but was too tired to fix it. nineteen percent ejection fraction, joe would never have had any kind of quality life. but, by god, he had for the most part. the phone rang. "damn." i said.

"are you alright carlee?" dad frantically asked.

"oh daddy, sure, i'm fine."

"i wish you had of stayed here baby."

"i know, but i have to work things out my way."

"i know, hey, have i told you lately that i love you?" i smiled.

"i think so."

"may i come in?" carie said as she gently knocked.

"only if you get me a cold beer."

"i'll do that." i unlocked the door. carie looked at me, but didn't say anything. she just walked to the kitchen area and brought us back a beer. i sat up and drank a long slurp.

"god, i can breath again." i smiled.

"tough day honey?"

"rough, anyway." i told her about joe the fireman.

"i'm so sorry carlee."

"thank you carie, i'm glad you came up."

"let me run you a bath." that sounded like a great idea to me. she sat on the side of the tub while i relaxed in the hot water.

"gosh, this feels great." i said.

"do your back?"

"please do."

"do you have a busy day tomorrow carlee?"

"i have to go to the zoo, see my friend andy, then mr. anderson. other than that i'm free."

"i have to go out of town tomorrow, i'll be gone for about a week, will you keep an eye on my apartment?"

"sure carie, nothing serious i hope?"

"no, i just want to get away for a while, things tend to close in every now and then, you know."

"yes, i know." but i still worried about her, i felt there was something she wasn't telling me, she hadn't told me very much anyway. i was almost too tired to think.

"i really must run carlee." she kissed my cheek and held me tight. "really sorry about your friend."

"thanks carie, and please have a safe trip."

sleep came quickly and nicely. my dreams were troubled though, but the day appeared glorious. as i wiped the sleep from my eyes, someone knocked at my door.

"who is it?"

"room service." a cheerful voice exclaimed. it was ms. manasco, i was glad to hear he voice. i opened the door and there she stood with a huge container of coffee from hardies and a sack that smelled delicious. "good morning dear, i took the liberty."

"from my favorite restaurant too, why thanks, ms. manasco, please come in."

"can't dear, getting ready to leave; i lease the upstairs year round, but i spend the fall back east. i just have to carry russell downstairs and i'll be off."

"when will you come back?" i asked.

"after christmas, usually before the new year."

"gosh, first carie, now you, i'll be here all alone."

"oh, i'm sure you will have plenty of friends here carlee, you're a very friendly girl." i thanked her again, and took my breakfast to my breakfast nook. bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, great, but i couldn't put the coffee down. i heard her walking down the stairs. i needed to see mr. anderson today, before i went to the zoo. i thought i'd call first rather than drive all the way down there. "this here's pork pie anderson, i ain't available right now, but at the sound of the beep say your piece, and if you're worthwhile, i'll think about callin' you up." god, only he would have cut a tape like that. beeeep.

"this here's carlee, are my pictures ready?"

"hey carlee, mornin' to you."

"so, i must be worth while." i said.

"and how babe, are you comin' to see me?"

"as soon as i get dressed."

"now, you don't have to go to that kind of trouble for me sweetie."

i smiled. "half and hour?"

"ok, i'll be here."

it was too warm for jeans and i didn't want to wear a dress to the zoo, so what was left--shorts. i was kind of getting tired of wearing them, but i found a pair of black ones that i don't think i've worn this summer, and pulled a light blue short sleeve sweater off a hanger. i had a fairly new pair of black moccasins, not bad, i thought. put my hair in a quick pony tail, and was off. a giant puff of smoke came out of my car when i started it up, i wondered if it was on fire, a gang of kids wearing varying shades of purple hair and drinking water from bottles (i suppose it was water) were pointing at me and laughing. the park was full of people this morning. i felt like mooning them, but it too hot. my a/c hadn't worked in almost a year. "if our horse wins, i'll but a car" i thought.

pork pie was in there whistling. i had to smile. now this was the real mr. anderson, long sleeved, wrinkled old white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a very wide red and yellow tie with a hula girl on it, grey dress slacks and his regular hat. his stomach hung far over his belt.

"hey, mornin' good lookin'"

"who does your laundry pork?"

"why hell, i don't need anyone to do my laundry, just put my stuff between the mattress and box springs, if my weight can't press them, then they can't be pressed." a stub of a cigar stuck out of his mouth. "now carlee, how much cash did you put on that horsey babe?"

"the almost sure thing?"

"yeah, that one."

"i'm not sure pork, i didn't place the bet."

"hmmm. well someone did, enough to lower his odds to 6-1, over a million dollars they say."

"i'll assure you i didn't bet a million, if i had that kind of money, why bet at all."

"got a point sweetie, but ask around, that's really unusual."

"the race is today isn't it?" i asked.

"yep, 3:00 pm."

"will there be trouble?" i asked.

"maybe, especially if he wins, but not trouble for us, i don't own him."

"hey, want to see some good pictures gal?"

"sure do." they were in a bin, with a bunch of others. "god, these aren't me, pork." the girl was beautiful, perfect skin, large boobs, even her feet were sexy."

"we touched them up a little carlee."

"made over you mean."

"no just touched up, added a little, subtracted a little." my butt was smaller. "just mathematics, nothin' too drastic." there were other pictures. a lot of a skinny, very pretty young girl tied to a bed, spread eagle, very revealing. another of her being whipped with and instrument that i had seen in bdsm sites on news groups.

"who is this lovely girl pork pie?"

"oh, i hate to look at her carlee, makes my tongue hard. hey look at this one, now this is really a good one." the girl was bent over a chair, whelps all over her skinny butt, cables attached to her nipples, being pulled tightly.

"i feel sorry for her pork."

"no need baby, she loves it. margo the dyke's latest girl toy, she's paid very well to pose for these.

"brianna!"

"yeah, think's that's her name."

"what's that sticking out of her vagina in this one?"

"garden hose i guess, or some kind of enema contraption, hell, i don't know, something for margo to suck her guts out with, who knows."

"pork, that's awful." i said.

"no it ain't carlee, it's popular, worth a lot of money."

"and are my pictures worth a lot?" i asked.

"ah, now yours are very very softcore carlee, probably not worth a whole lot, but a hell of a lot to me."

"softcore hell, i show my butt to the world and you think that's softcore!"

"now, simmer down missy, i didn't say 'nuthin about selling your pictures. i think they're priceless, anyway, they ain't for sale."

"what about brianna's?"

"what ever margo wants to do with them, she may sell them, i doubt it though, probably just whacks off lookin' at them."

"i think they're disgusting personally." i said, with little expression. pork pie held me.

"and i think you're and angel, baby, my little naive, little girl. you don't know shit about what's really goin' on out there, and i love you for it." i patted the back of his neck.

"i have a date pork pie, i really have to go."

"hell, i thought you'de have lunch with me."

"i'm having pop corn and cotton candy for lunch pork, with a dear little friend." he kissed me on the cheek.

"sounds good to me babe. let me know if you need anything." i held his hand and kissed him.

"if my horse doesn't win today, i may be asking you for room and board."

"hot damn, i'd like that."

the zoo was smelly, hot too. the entrance fee had gone up to $8.00.

"good grief!"

"i know." said the ticket person. "i wouldn't pay a buck and a half to see these muther-fuckers." wow, he's a bad advertisement. i smiled, and handed him my money. my bird was gone, the one who whistled at me. i looked around for sidney, i couldn't find him. i walked around, he was sitting on a bench by the monkeys, sidney had spilled his popcorn and was crying.

"it's alright guy, i'll buy you some more." i said. "please don't cry." sidney jumped up and hugged me.

"oh carlee, he hit me, really hard in the back of my head. he made me spill my pop corn." he sniffed.

"who sidney, who?"

"and, and i think my watch is broken." his little bambi watch, the crystal was broken, my god.

"oh god sidney, please tell me who it was!" i was frantic.

"i don't want to carlee, i'm afraid you will go away forever, and i'll never see you again." i put him in my lap and hugged him tightly, i couldn't hold back my tears.

"please sidney, please tell me."

"it was your friend carlee, the man who wears the black coat........."