"Around the town I use a rattlesnake whip,
Take it easy baby don't you give me no lip
Who do you love?
Who do you love?"
-- George Thorogood and the Destroyers
Sorry about the delay. The nym server decided to take a dive, and so
I was unable to post this last Wednesday as planned. No matter what
you hear, Rui wasn't to blame. Honest.
Ah well, I needed a break anyway.
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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the
wind.
- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine
alone.
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Story Summary:
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Christine -- Writerzblocked
(MF)
[9,10,10,10]
At the Conference -- Kenny Gamera
(Mf D/s Oral)
[10,10,7,9]
Picnic Crumbs -- Kellis
(MF anal oral)
[10,10,10,10]
Language Barrier -- Souvie
(MF - implied, oral - implied, flash-fic)
[10,8,8,9]
Love in the Sun -- BluePen
(MF, Romantic)
[6,7,6,6]
Separate Ideas -- Cyan
(MF, Ff fantasy, D/s)
[7,7,7,7]
Chocolate Knights and Chocolate Daze -- Gary Jordan
(MF, rom, lt bond, oral, anal)
[10,10,10,10]
The Morning After -- Souvie
(MF, oral, flash-fic)
[10,10,10,10]
The Morning After -- Henrik Larsen
(MF oral flash)
[10,10,8,10]
Reviews:
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Christine -- Writerzblocked
(MF)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41222
Author's Site:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=writerzblock
ed@aol.com&index=email&submit=Search
An old man wanders in the rain. Confusion settles in, for he can
only remember fragments of the past. But those few memories are what
sustains him, and even while the rain and the lightning fall around
him, he finds a fleeting happiness in memories past.
While the version that I read was formatted badly, I suspect that
was the fault of ASSM conversion software. Despite it, I found this
story to be uncommonly deep. The memories, the sex, the tenderness,
the character all combined wonderfully to present a world that we
might not think about enough. Or maybe we do.
I liked the premise, and the slow build of this story, and I hope
that I never have to experience it.
Technical : 9
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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At the Conference -- Kenny Gamera
(Mf D/s Oral)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera/www/stories/Conferen.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41045
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera/www
The woman kneels in the centre of a room, her arms bound behind her
back. She cannot see, or hear -- her eyes covered and her ears
plugged by modified hearing aids. Without the benefit of sight and
hearing, she still provides pleasure to a stranger; one that she
cannot recognise and will never know.
This is a nice exposition of a dominance/submission fantasy. It's
sexy, without a doubt. However. While Kenny has captured some of the
nuances of the girl's submissive tendencies, it really does only
amount to the telling of a fantasy. It's light, and that's all Kenny
was trying for here, and so it is successful in that regard. And it
is more than a simple stroke-fest. But still I found the character
and plot lacking. I wanted to know more about Kenny's characters --
what led up to this situation, and why it was attractive to them.
I'm not quite sure what the message was, if there was a message at
all, beyond sexual exhibition.
Nevertheless, I do recognise that not all stories have to be deep.
I'm pretty sure that Kenny really was only trying for a light
fantasy, and in that light, the story really is very sexy. Or at
least I thought so.
It's a good descriptive piece, and those that like sexual power
games will probably enjoy the glimpse into Kenny's fantasy world.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 7
Crimson : 9
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Picnic Crumbs -- Kellis
(MF anal oral)
Story:
http://www.kellistry.com/pcrumb.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41126
Author's Site:
http://www.kellistry.com/
With the picnic over, all that is left is the crumbs. Well, except
for Liz. Her car won't start, supposedly a battered solenoid, and
she returns to where an old man is cleaning up the debris of the
picnic. They get to talking, and play with some left over whipped
cream, and after a time, she seduces him.
Now, if this was only a stroke tale (tail?), then I would be
wondering who Liz is, and why she is seducing this old man. I would
wonder about their relationship, and why they were doing as they
were. But while the sex is a heavy part of this story, it isn't the
only part of it. In between, we see character, we see motivation,
and we see plot. The characters are much more than simple sex
machines, and so my potential wondering is curtailed. Character.
This story has it in spades.
I didn't quite know if I would like a story like this. It is
uncomfortably close to incest, and relies heavily on addressing anal
sex. Not really my cup of tea, so to speak.
But after reading it through, I have to admit that I liked it,
despite it all. It's a good story, and the characters have this air
of realism. And so, I give you the scores. Well deserved.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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Language Barrier -- Souvie
(MF - implied, oral - implied, flash-fic)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/language-barrier.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41218
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/
When Jose decides to accompany Rudy to the protest, he also decides
to show up early. To be honest, even Jose isn't quite sure why they
are protesting the distribution of condoms at the local high school.
"We don' need no steeekin' condoms!"
When Rudy shows up, it all becomes slightly more clear.
Technical : 10
Eros : 8
Character/Plot : 8
Crimson : 9
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Love in the Sun -- BluePen
(MF, Romantic)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/bluepen/Love%20in%20the%20sun.t
xt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41152
Author's Archive:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/bluepen/
On a beach, he is cooking freshly caught fish. When he looks up, he
sees her walking down the beach toward him. When she gets there, she
makes them tropical drinks, and after dinner, the anticipation ends,
and they make long and passionate love.
[ The offshore breeze moved the leaves of the palm trees as he stirred
the coals, {feeiling} their raw heat. ]
[ Sitting back on his {haunches he} looked down the beach, where he could
see her approach. ]
In the second sentence, it needs a comma. The first, well, the
problem ought to be obvious. And this is only in the first
paragraph.
I have to say that I was a little disappointed with the technical
scores here. Bluepen, if this is the same Bluepen that I've reviewed
before, can certainly write better than this effort. Among the
things I noticed: numerous spelling errors (or possibly far too many
careless typos resulting in spelling errors), a distinct overuse of
the word 'then' in some parts of the story, and various punctuation
mistakes. A good deal of these issues could be resolved with the
simple use of a spell checker.
Most of the story revolved around their sexual encounter. While
there is nothing wrong with that, I felt it was over-described and
over-long. That's why the Eros score dropped. I would have preferred
to see a little more effort placed on character, so I could care
about these people fucking near the beach. They obviously cared
about each other. Why? Who are they? Why should I care about them?
Despite all this, the setting and the mood that Bluepen has
described here is exceptionally romantic. The beach, the dinner, the
drinks, and their passion for sex all combines to present a very
nice atmosphere. With a little more character and plot, this would
have been an excellent story. As it stands, I felt it was a little
more than a particularly romantic stroke fiction. But maybe that's
exactly what Bluepen was aiming for.
Technical : 6
Eros : 7
Character/Plot : 6
Crimson : 6
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Separate Ideas -- Cyan
(MF, Ff fantasy, D/s)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41340
Author's Site:
http://cyan.protgp.com
Lena's apartment is about as Zoe imagined it would be. Together,
they work on a school project, just professor and student, while Zoe
tries to figure out her feelings towards Lena. It's all very
complicated, you see, with Lena being her teacher, and throwing in
lesbian confusion. After the project is complete, they get to
talking and Zoe works up the courage to ask Lena some leading
questions about sex. The answer she gets isn't quite what she was
expecting.
[ {When I risked a glance at her I felt} I needed to etch every
detail in my memory to be able to recall this moment. ]
Needs a comma after lengthy adverbial phrases.
[ The gist of it was she didn't {seen} the least put out I'd
said something. ]
Typo.
I also noticed a few other issues, ranging from awkward sentences to
some consistency issues (Lena loses her pants, and then suddenly
she's completely naked?), to overuse of the adjective 'nice'.
Cyan's story here is a contrast in sexuality roles. While I
understand what Cyan was trying for here, I personally found the
manner in which it was done a little abrupt. The message is to not
let society dictate sexual preference and roles -- but in presenting
it, I was left with more questions. Cyan gives us lots of character
with Zoe, and her confusion and uncertainty, but I didn't quite
understand the teacher's actions, and where they were supposed to
lead. Thus, the character is somewhat lost in the feeling that
Lena's "demonstration" is not so much a lesson, as it is sexually
motivated and perhaps even self-defeating. It comes across as more
of a need to present a dominance/submission scene than any societal
messages. I honestly think that Cyan missed an opportunity to better
show the message that was intended.
It's an interesting work, but I'm not sure it was as effective as it
might have been. However, I did like Zoe's character and her
approach. I just wish that her bravery hadn't been so thoroughly
misplaced and her encounter with Lena had been more a positive one.
Technical : 7
Eros : 7
Character/Plot : 7
Crimson : 7
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Chocolate Knights and Chocolate Daze -- Gary Jordan
(MF, rom, lt bond, oral, anal)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/gary/www/GJ_Chocolate_Knights.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41497
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/gary/www/
After a costume party, our narrator gets a little (well ... a lot)
drunk. Jeanine dutifully takes him home, and tries to get him into
bed. Unfortunately (or is that fortunately), our narrator still
remembers his purpose and plans, and Jeanine gets a surprise that
she wasn't quite expecting.
[ The theme was Knights in Armor. Jeanine stood modeling what appeared
to be a [... costume ...] with a well-known {lable}. ]
At first I wondered if 'lable' was a legitimate alternate spelling,
but after checking a few dictionaries, I don't think so. Normally, I
wouldn't bother pointing it out -- the story was excellent
technically besides -- thus the 10 below -- but I figured that
somewhere with all the 'suggestors' (su-jesters?) in the Fishy Tank,
someone might be interested in misses.
Anyhoo, this story moves along in a tight narrative that is
charming, romantic, and humorous. I really liked the characters,
and their relationship. The sex is fun, and different -- at least
the narrative was -- and it kept me guessing through most of it.
Easy.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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The Morning After -- Souvie
(MF, oral, flash-fic)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/morning-after.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41119
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/
Never again. Never. Until next weekend.
I've made the same pact as the girl in this story. Many times. For
me, it wasn't tequila and schnapps, but other combinations are just
as deadly. Anyway, her panties are lost, and as she wanders about
the room looking for them, she gets distracted by the virile
nutritionist still snoring in the bed. It might not cure a hangover,
but she still decides to sample the wares one last time.
[ {Before long come drenched her tongue,} filled her mouth, slid down ... ]
Normally, I point out the need for commas in long (more than three
words) introductory phrases. This sentence vilifies the short
introductory phrase. "Before long" tends to run into the sentence
subject: "come", and it becomes a jumble, even with a short
introductory phrase. It needs a comma between "long" and "come".
Don't fret it -- the story is otherwise excellent technically, but I
wanted to point out the comma issue more for other authors out there
that might benefit.
It was fun, and light. I liked it.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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The Morning After -- Henrik Larsen
(MF oral flash)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41145
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/henlar/www/
Hmmm, two short flash pieces with the same title. Have to read this
...
Turns out that Henrik has written the counterpoint to Souvie's tale
above. Different perspective from our lazy nutritionist in the bed.
I didn't quite get the same sense of character that Souvie managed,
but the piece was an interesting counterview. The problem, I think,
is that while Souvie's flash stands on its own, Henrik's almost
requires one to read Souvie's first. There isn't anything wrong with
that, and Henrik even warns us of that in his preamble, but I, too,
would recommend reading Souvie's first to get the gist of the
characters and situation. Then read this, if you are wondering what
the other side might be thinking.
I especially liked the cross-story connection at the end. That was
skillful.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 8
Crimson : 10
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